Pertinent Facts of the Human Condition

"Very well." I replied. "What questions do you have for me?"

"I am curious as to how humans have been doing, it has been quite some time since one of your kind has visited Equestria." Celestia replied, smiling benevolently.

I was stunned at this prospect, though suddenly the warm greetings I had been given thus far made more sense. There had been other humans in Equestria. "When was the last human in Equestria, and what events had happened in their time?" I asked, before I realized I had asked a question when the Princess had been anticipating and answer. "It's just that ... I don't wish to bore your highness with details you already know."

Celestia turned to Luna still smiling. "He reminds me of you when you first returned dear sister, always stuck on ceremony and proper manner of speech." I could have sworn Luna blushed, indicating the truth of Celestia's words, before the white princess turned again to me. "The last human to visit Equestria came here a little under 200 years ago, a Lord Byron if I am not mistaken."

Lord Byron, well I'll be damned, the forces that be had sent a poet before me. Well, this was good, I knew history quite well and already had an idea of where to begin. "Alright, that means you should know about human history up to the French Revolution yes?"

"Indeed, and the Greek's attempts at independence from the Ottomans." Celestia replied as Luna remained reticent with a look of fascination that no doubt matched my own. Of course Celestia would know about how Greece had been trying to become an independent state, Lord Byron had gone to Greece to fight the Ottoman Turks.

"Well then, I shall begin from there. Though I should tell you, human history is hardly a tale for the faint of heart." As the words left my lips I felt I had made a grand understatement.

"I'm sure little could perturb me after hearing about the Crusades and Wars of Napoleon." Celestia responded, how wrong she was.

I recited all I knew to the best of my abilities, I noted the frown upon Celestia's face when I told how the Greeks ended up with a monarch upon gaining independence, rather than going to a democracy. I told of revolutions and massacres, the colonization and partitioning of Africa and Asia by Europe. Of the unification and formation of Germany. I told of the politics and underhanded dealings of states, and then I reached the tale of World War One.

When I spoke of the Great War I told the princesses of the constant meat grinder of the western front, of the collapse of Russia to be reborn as the Soviet Union. I told of heroes of war, Lawrence of Arabia, the German commandos of Africa, the Red Baron, and many others. I spoke of defenceless cities bombed, yet soldiers on the field of battle spared by supposed enemies. I would like to say I gave a realistic account of things, but I could tell from Luna's face that the prospect of so many dying for so little was a foreign concept. If Celestia felt keenly about the things I told her, she did not show it, her face never betraying emotion except for the occasional nod or frown.

I told the princesses of the Great Depression, and of World War Two. I told them of the Holocaust. I told them of the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. It was at this point that Celestia's countenance resembled her sister's. If she truly was goddess of the sun, then hearing of the sun's power, the atom, used to end so many lives in an instant. I dare not think of what she thought of that.

I concluded my account with the end of the Cold War, and of the War on Terror, and other recent things. When I was finished Luna had long since laid upon the ground, tears flowing down her cheeks, in pity for the woeful and confused condition my world was in.

"You were very brave to tell us all that." Celestia said. "That you were willing to give such a candid account of your people speaks well to your own character." I breathed a sigh of relief, I was concerned that upon finishing, I would be dragged to some hole in the ground to be thrown in, that I would never harm one of her subjects. However, I had to make sure.

"So, what happens now?" I asked.

"Now, you will be going to see my student, Twilight Sparkle, and teach her about what you know about good and evil, of the Magic of Friendship." Celestia responded.

"Very well."

At this Celestia tilted her head, clearly my response was not anticipated. "Just like that? Why are you so compliant? Most of the humans I've met were stubborn and unwilling to do as told."

"Before I came here, I was in a situation I should not have survived, but from the actions of you and your pupil saved my life. You are my benefactors, that I would refuse to aid you now in such a humble manner would be a betrayal, and I would rather die again than do that when given the chance to do good." It was the truth, as held by me, and at this Celestia nodded and smiled.

Celestia then looked to the doors of the grand hall and called out. "You may come in now!"

I gazed over to the entrance and saw a tan pony with a dark brown mane, as dark as my own hair. Adorning his flank was the image of an hourglass. "This is Doctor Whooves, he will escort you to Ponyville, and make sure that you do not get into any trouble." Celestia recited as she nuzzled Luna and the two sisters cantered out of the hall.

Before walking to Doctor Whooves, I looked at the unicorn doctor who had brought me to the audience chamber. If I had thought Luna looked distraught, he was positively terrified of me now. His eyes were wide and his mouth wider as I looked at him. He backed away slowly before turning and galloping back towards the infirmary. The pegasus guards stoically remained still, but the eyes of some were watered from holding back emotions.

I exited the hall just a few steps behind him and asked. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Quite a bit." To my surprise his accent reminded me of a British accent.

"You don't seem very, concerned about me." I stated.

"I'm used to seeing strange things." He responded.

"So ... you have past experience with trans-dimensional beings? I queried, now intrigued.

"Well, past would imply a subjective, linear grasp of time, with an endless stream of causes and effects. I'm more of a mind that its made of a big ball of wibbly wobbly, timey wimey ... stuff."

"Hmm." Was my only response, I wasn't one for physics, and I felt I was getting dangerously close to entering a field of which all I new was, fast things will remain fast unless they happen to hit some poor sod in the face or groin.

"Can I ask you a question?" I was now concerned with having my own questions of this new world answered.

"You just did, so obviously you can." He replied.

Great, he was one of those guys who would grill you for using conversational English. Come to think of it, it was amusing that these ponies were speaking English, but I decided to take that for granted and asked. "So, the doctor who brought me to the Princesses said they were gods, how so?"

"Oh, well Princess Celestia is the goddess of the sun, she raises and lowers it, her sister, Princess Luna, is goddess of the moon. Together the bring forth the night and day." Doctor Whooves responded. Fascinating, I was far from religious, if anyone on earth had asked me what religion I was I would have staunchly replied Atheist, but questioning the abilities of a being that saved my life, divine or not was in poor taste. I moved on to my next question.

"I noticed that you have a tattoo on your butt, same as the Princesses, mind telling me what they are?"

"Not at all, though you may want to refer to that part of out anatomy as 'flank' in the future, sensibilities and manners you know? This is my cutie mark, everypony gets one when they discover their special talent." Our conversation proceeded in this manner when we walked outside the castle, it was night and nary a soul was outside. We proceeded to a train station where the doctor brought me to a private car. It was at this point that I thought to ask of this Twilight Sparkle I was going to be ... living with, teaching, guiding?

"This Twilight Sparkle that I am going to be seeing, what is she like?" I inquired.

"Oh, she is the Element of Magic, one of the six Elements of Harmony, with the others being her friends. Pinkie Pie, Element of Laugher; Applejack, Element of Honesty; Rarity, Element of Generosity; Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty; and lastly Fluttershy, Element of Kindness." This statement led to more questions and I asked them eager to know all I could. I noted with some amusement the content smile that spread across Doctor Whooves' muzzle whenever the conversation turned to Rarity, the unicorn fashionista.

When I had sated my knowledge we had arrived in Ponyville, the trip having taken what the Doctor confirmed as two hours. When we stepped out onto the platform I felt at one with myself, my present situation had been accounted for, and was eager to thank the woman, er, mare, who had saved my life.

Little had I known at that moment that I was being watched by one eager to welcome me to Ponyville, by way of a party.