April Nine Plugs

The soil was thick and clayey, so digging out the place for the tree was hard work and a source of mix for the raised beds. The soil here and there would be broken up with potting mix.

I sighed as another aspect of the soil revealed itself, rocks, lots of them. If I wanted rocks for a decorative garden, or to fill in gaps in the gravel driveway, I had them, had them in abundance. And the latest rock was larger than normal.

Switching from the long-handled shovel to a trowel and digging bar would let me extract another of the monsters that made digging these holes such an exercise in frustration. Eleven trees remained of the initial 15 and it looked like the last would be done tomorrow rather than late today. Digging around the obstruction showed me just how big this one was, and nearly convinced me just to move where the tree was going rather than dig out this monster. The handle built into the side of the `rock` showed me I had a lot more interest in extracting it than merely to place a tree exactly where I wanted it.

The thing was big, more than a five-gallon bucket, and shaped like a squat vase. I was gladder than ever I hadn't rented the powered auger. Not only would the rocks and their resultant damage have cost me my security deposit, I would have damaged the vase. Visions of time capsules ran through my head as I finally dug around the top of the thing, the whole thing had been buried on its side so the bottom was first exposed on the edge of the whole. A mixture of brute force and leverage managed to get the thing onto the surface and I could get more of the mud off it. It was the size of a small block V6 and I could move it, so it was hollow. The top was the weirdest part, nine lead plugs with a metal ring going through a hole drilled in each plug. The clearance of plug hole to ring was such I could rotate it easily, and there was a gap in the ring, so you could disengage one plug from the ring. Clever really, you could open one at a time.

But being a lifelong contrarian, I also saw that with equally careful positioning, you could use the ring to remove all nine plugs at the same time. I positioned the jug next to the pile of rocks and slid the long handle of the shovel among the plugs and under the ring, to test if the jug's weight would be enough to keep it in place while I pried the plugs loose.

It was, the plugs all came loose easily, and a fountain of smoke poured out of each opening. I'd expected something like that so the jug had been downwind and the pleasant breeze should have kept the smoke away. No, each column of smoke, each a color no smoke had any right to be, came straight at me.
------------------------------

"Just give him some air, and Makoto and Diana up front," came the voice I swear sounded like Princess Celestia from My Little Pony. Either someone was a good mimic, or things were seriously strange.

I opened my eyes to the blue eyes of one woman who could have been Lynda Carter's sister, and a Japanese woman with chestnut hair and a very nervous expression. The fact both of them were cosplaying variations of Barbara Eden's Jeanie made the situation particularly bizarre and I began suspecting hallucinogens in the smoke. I mentally noted that `Lynda's` outfit was red, white, blue and gold reminiscent of Wonder Woman's costume, and the other was in dark green and pink reminiscent of Sailor Jupiter.

Slightly behind was the clincher. Sakuyamon in a similar bellah outfit seemed too outre for a survivable dose of whacko drugs, so if my last gasp was talking to a bunch of characters I'd admired since I was a kid, I was going to talk to them.

"Sakuyamon, what's going on, and is it going to kill me? I don't think you should de-biomerge, I'm not sure how Rika would handle being here," I asked, frankly the characterization of the Digimon hadn't changed, while the other two had varied wildly over the years.

"I'm not that Sakuyamon, I'm your Digimon," Sakuyamon said, "And you are safe, I'll stake my life on that."

That was Sakuyamon/Renamon through and through, so was the laconic answer so other sources were needed. I seemed to be wrapped in a blanket and propped sitting up, so I looked around, spotting a tall red head with antennae facing forward, vaguely reminiscent of a snail's eyestalks standing with a woman with freckles and a Stetson, and tellingly, an apple tattoo on her hip visible through the sheer fabric of the pants. `Applejack` was looking like she was standing on a hot skillet.

"Yes, Applejack, they are apple trees and yes, you can plant the other eleven of them," I said, "The stakes mark where they go, a nice straight line." The last was said to the empty space where Applejack had been. The very tall redhead and an equally tall brunette with backswept antennae sighed and trotted after her.

A turn to the other side revealed the pale-skinned woman with the pastel rainbow hair bowing in a breeze I didn't feel. Beside her was a short woman with sapphire colored hair with a raspberry stripe and a very serious expression. She took a breath said quietly, " 'Theories, and remember to be concise.'"

"Djinni," she said and smirked at me.

"I think you can unpack it a bit more than that," I said. Something about resting on something sitting up troubled me. I was still a little out of it from the smoke and the surprise, but if they were djinni, or genies, they might have conjured something.

"We aren't the three wishes kind," Twilight said, "We do have great powers, but they are focused and constrained by our forms. Forms you assigned us."

I assigned, I thought, trying to put my thoughts together. "So you were each a column of smoke, but now are a character because . . . "

"We are the character you associated most strongly with our personality," Fluttershy-like voice said and I turned to look at where her voice came from. I caught a glimpse of her wearing a gray-gold skintight body suit rather than the belly-dancer outfits, with grayish rose hair.

I also spotted a smirking Princess Luna, also a human shape wearing what looked like two, wide bands of black, electrical tape. One under her arms as a halter, and the second as short shorts. I also saw a white shoulder, and a small path of red leather and I immediately knew what, or rather whom I was resting against. And if Princess Celestia followed the pattern of Luna and Fluttershy, I knew where my head was resting and rubbing against as I'd been turning my head.

People had been executed for less blatant examples of Les majestie.

Before I could execute my plan to sit up and throw myself on the pony-sister's mercy, the blanket tightened its grip on me, and Princess Celestia's voice said, "I put you there, the others saw me put you there, and while others may be fluffier - " Earning a glare and a blush from the Digimon. "My wings were best to keep you warm and guarded. It was not unwelcome." The last was breathily whispered, eliciting a look of disgust from Diana and a look of calculation on both Makoto and Sakuyamon.

Fluttershy had walked into my area of sight, smiling as I accepted that I wasn't going anywhere for a bit. "So you took the Elements of Harmony as a template for some of us," Fluttershy explained. Twilight showed a design similar to the element of magic worked into her costume. Diana and Makoto searched and located theirs. Sakuyamon's yin-yang symbol had been replaced with the Element of Smiles.

"While I understand Makoto being the sincerity of trees becoming the Element of Loyalty," Fluttershy said, "Why is Wonder Woman the Element of Kindness?"

And I'm not? I mentally translated. I couldn't make out what symbol Fluttershy carried, if she even carried one.

"For someone able to disable a tank, kill a powerful giant, or catch a tank shell with her bare hands, her insistence on at least starting off talking to even the most unreasonable, and escalating slowly showed a great deal of kindness," I explained.

Fluttershy considered then nodded her agreement. "The three of us," Fluttershy said as she indicated herself and the princesses, "Took on aspects that didn't correspond directly to any Element."

That wonderfully ambiguous statement was filed away for later clarification. Light and Dark would be the obvious for Celestia and Luna respectively, that left Fluttershy as the unknown. "Sakuyamon is Smiles because of her delight in discovery of this new world and her abilities, and her joy in helping others. She isn't as cacophonous as Pinkie Pie, but I find a bit of doting snark more smile-inducing than constant 'happy, happy, joy, joy!' It's an introvert thing."

Fluttershy frowned in confusion, then smiled as Sakuyamon whispered something to her.

"Case in point," I said, which got a blush sans a death glare from Sakuyamon, and a chuckle from the Princesses.

Applejack returned, rather muddy, to the antennae'd pair's exasperation. "Got all the trees in, half-package of the fertilizer mixed into each hole at the bottom," she said proudly, "Need to dump the rocks and there's a lot of land left over."

They were there, all fifteen in a line, what I was expecting to be two days' work done in a conversation's worth of time.

"Do you need to rest?" I asked.

"Naw, I'm kinda muddy now, better to get it all done and then clean up," Applejack said happily.

"Hadn't planned much beyond that," I admitted, "I've got the raised beds, and the potting mix and compost that would go in them, but I wasn't expecting to get to them this week."

I stood up, Celestia standing with me, until I reeled and would have fallen if not for her wings. "Bed rest," Celestia said, "Applejack, get cleaned up, we need to get out of sight."

"Yes'm," Applejack said.

"I spotted the hose over here," Makoto offered.

"So how does this work?" I asked, "I mean Twilight said you weren't 'the three wishes kind'. So one wish from each of you, one wish total from all of you?"

"Oh nothing like that, we can do all kinds of work," Celestia said, "We have many of the talents of the templates you created us on, just no where near as powerful."

"As for wishes," Diana began, and like all the others, suddenly looked embarrassed.

Applejack glanced around and realizing no one was willing to say, sighed and explained, "You can have all the wishes you want, from each of us."

At my smile, some admittedly based on pure avarice but some thoughts of genuine beneficent charity, she hastily added, "But only to open and close your garage or barn door." She bowed her head to hide her face with the brim of her Stetson in embarrassment.

"You're a genie garage door opener?"

"TM," Luna said helpfully.

Considering the date of publication, I offer no apologies.