Ch.87

So. I’ve been abducted by ‘Menu’, the SysAdmin with a major god complex that people actually worship as a god, for some unknown ‘quest’ with such a generalized and vague objective of ‘me saving the land’. So...yeah. At least I know I can use Paradise to return home to just after I’d been taken regardless of however long I’m here. Dimensional time-travel is convenient like that.

So...yeah. I’m some overpowered ‘Monk’ subclass in the ‘Warrior’ archetype. My ‘skills’ are all either passives noted in my character sheet or ‘abilities’ I have to actively cast. Which really threw me off at first! I mean, when I do an advanced attack, I don’t think about doing it, I just do it! I’ve trained my body to be my deadliest weapon and now Menu insists I limit myself to arbitrary shit like ‘casting’ and ‘cooldown’ times! Ugh! You’re so cute when you’re angry. Omg shut up!

“Are you arguing with Menu again?” Shiroe asked casually when he walked by. It’s been...a while. Weeks at least. Life here was surprisingly dull and peaceful. Shiroe’s guild is a simple group wanting to help everyone Displaced-woof, big time there, by whatever brought everyone playing the game Elder Tale into a world that is both like yet unlike said game.

“Yeah, he’s being his usual self.” I grumbled from where I was sitting on the porch looking down on the city streets.

I’ve joined his guild, since, y’know, Menu has kinda forced me to be with Shiroe if I want to eventually get home. I wish I had made my Token, because I could’ve just used it to return home unless Menu had an anti-banish feature. Instead I’ll have to, ugh, play his game and go home whenever I ‘save the land’. Incoming voice chat from: Brianna. Who? You know her as Brennie, which is not a name in any language. Fuck you. Love you. Guh!

“Are you two done trying to verbally fuck each other?” I heard Brennie ask on the call.

“I wasn’t speaking out loud and apparently neither does Menu, so you asking that is really creepy.” I huffed, not caring about being accused of wanting to hate-fuck Menu. Kinda do, really.

“Blame the fact this call is only doable through direct neural interface with the interdimensional broadcast system, so it’s nearly telepathy. Anyway, I’ve been told you’re there without a Token, so you must’ve been nabbed after the Witch’s Festival since you made your Token the day after.” Good idea! Wish I had it sooner! “Yeesh, you’re snippy.”

“I’ve been stuck in this world that operates on MMORPG mechanics and logic for nearly a month now with uptight or perverse Japanese people that range from Hikkikomori, NEETs, nerds and dorks to normal people from teenagers, housewives to salarymen. I’m the sexiest bitch period and I can’t get anyone to take me seriously outside of my new friends.”

“Or get laid.” Exactly! “Look, I’m calling because the Time Squad told me to, for your moral support. Also, from my perspective, it’s been months since we’ve talked.” Time shenanigans, big surprise. “So, besides not getting laid and being a raging bitch because of it, what is life for you like right now?” Huh, Brennie must need a moment of normalcy. Fine, I’ll try. I could use a distraction from how painfully normal my life is right now.

📜

“So, let me get this straight. There are no ponies here, either normal or anthropomorphic?” I asked at last, the lack of ponies or other Equestrian creatures having gotten to me. I’d been people-watching as a pastime to see if there were any, but after a month of doing diddly squat, nothing. I was under the impression that Displaced like me were bound for dimensions associated with My Little Pony.

That is correct. While the Pioneer expansion has tamable ponies and other livestock, there were no other anthropomorphic creatures added to the Japanese region of the game. Menu answered fully. He only answered so fully to people he liked. Which frustrated and flattered me That said, the British Isles received the ‘Equestrian’ playable race.

“So why did you drop me in Akihabara Japan, the opposite side of the world from there~?” I mewled in despair. Did I have some epic journey ahead of me? Am I going to need to journey west across Asia and Europe to reach the land of ponies? Or through the oceans?

Don’t worry, Dave will get you there, eventually. Menu assured me and I sighed in resignation. Shiroe was new to being a Guild Master because he’d been a solo player before Elder Tale became reality. He formed this guild immediately, which his friends say was a surprise, because Akihabara was floundering in confusion and needed the community to come together.

Unsurprisingly, all the assholes, sociopaths and psychopaths who used this game to vent their monstrous natures made life unbearable. So, morally upstanding folks like Shiroe, that respectably busty blond who was always too busy squealing over something in joy for me to get the name of, along with others banded together with their separate Guilds to form a proper community.

“Well, at least I have some of my weapons.” I huffed and patted my Haven Bag. Menu converted all of my equipment to local analogues besides my Haven Bag and Hephestus. Those two items were labeled as ‘Fantasy/Iconic’ items, meaning I had the only ones in the whole world. Considering one was a portable home and the other was a smithing hammer capable of making anything given materials, that was a justifiable label that made me happy.

“Hey, Meen-Rei.” I looked up at Naotsugu, the knight of the guild. He was the hilarious one who was an open pervert and I got along well with him. I was annoyed that he was all bluster though. I mean, I literally tried to pull him into bed once and he practically turned to stone in terror of actually getting intimate.

Akatsuki, as the only other woman in the guild, told me that it was because while he was a perv, he was a complete virgin with adorable desires for a genuine romance. So he was actually trying to deepen his relationship with that blond busty babe I can’t remember the name of. They’re cute together, but he’s frequently overwhelmed by her gushing, so I don’t know how they’d work out.

“Uh, hey. Meen-Rei?” Naotsugu waved a hand in my face and I came back to reality. “I know you weren’t there for the meeting, so I’ll understand if you decline, but Shiroe volunteered us for a rescue mission.”

“Oh, finally!” I jumped to my feet, ignoring how much my breasts bounced in my combat gi. I had to actually make proper ‘equipment’ for Menu’s status system to apply correctly. I mean, I just used some normal clothes with Hephestus to make this and other outfits that were considered ‘Monk’ class gear and suddenly I got ludicrous buffs! This simple white and gray Gi increased my movement speed by 10 percent! That doesn’t sound like much, but it is! “Where to?”

“Susukino.” I deadpanned my expression. “Ah, right. Not Japanese, it’s hard to remember you don’t know the geography. It’s north of here, pretty far north, actually. We’ll be taking griffins-.” I grabbed him by his shirt and shook him violently!

“You have griffins?! I thought you said you didn’t have any species that correlated with my universe!” I shouted in his face angrily as I lifted him off his feet with ease!

“No-ah-ah-ah-ot sapient! Not sapient!” Naotsugu panted when I stopped shaking him with the force of a carnival ride and set him down. “Y-you said sapient griffins! We don’t have those!” I huffed and whipped my thicc tail against the floor hard enough to make a cracking noise. Thankfully the game logic of structures from Elder Tale are immutable to damage.

“Alright, let's get going.” I snarled as I passed the cute guy and jumped from the upper level of Log Horizon’s guild hall to the main floor and waited by the door since I don’t have anything to-.

“M-Meen-Rei.” I looked down at Akatsuki as she approached with her face turned entirely red by a blush. “Before we leave. We would like to m-m-milk you for your sap to flavor food.” Akatsuki squirmed adorably, the little unfortunately grown-up lolita-sized ninja was so cute~! I can get why that other busty blond who runs the Crescent Moon Alliance guild gushes over her.

“Sure!” I chirped happily with my tail wagging in anticipation. Since nobody has the balls or the ovaries to have sex with me, the closest I can get is masturbation and getting milked for my sap. This was because Menu appraised my sap as having Fantasy-tier quality for its mystical, hallucinogenic and delicious flavor properties. “To the milker~!”

“P-please don’t sound so excited for something so d-demeaning!” Akatsuki protested adorably. Damn Japanese society for making lewdness inappropriate to such a degree!

“Who are the same twats who make hentai and are obsessed with huge boobs.” Brennie commented over the call that she occasionally connected to my Voice Chat now and then. Usually it’s to spit out some harsh truths whenever these guys say something stupid. Which is often! I know! Shut up, Menu! You’re so cute when you’re angry. Grr!

“Akatsuki. I have needs. More than most people, yet nobody here has the self confidence to *bleep* me! Then there’s the *bleep*ing stupid censorship! I can be naked! Why can’t I say *bleep*?!” Menu already apologized for being unable to disable censorship of the word ‘fuck’ because it’s too ‘vulgar’ for Japanese sensibilities.

“Because Japanese censorship is just as bad. Hey, Menu, mind if my sister tried to ‘turn off’ the censorship, but mod it for adult eyes and ears only?” Third party modifications of the system are strictly prohibited, I cannot use any alterations even if applied. “Shit, sorry Rei.”

“Guh! The only reason I haven’t *bleep*ed myself is because I’m a hermaphrodite and risk impregnating myself since there aren’t any condoms and I can’t get my hands on any plastics or rubber to make one!” I gestured to my tail while I wiggled it and Akatsuki choked and backed away from my tail with horrified realization. “Yes! You’re looking at my *bleep*!”

“H-how lewd!” Akatsuki squeaked and the little purple-haired kunoichi hurried away, thankfully towards the milking room I’d built the milker in upon discovering my sap gave food flavor. It was also valuable enough as a trade commodity that Log Horizon could easily pay for their guild hall’s rent with it.

“Menu, what’s your fucking plan? I thought Shiroe and the others could handle it, why do you need Meen-Rei?” I am afraid that other than hints, I can’t answer properly. I have been able to hint that the only ‘Equestrians’ are on the opposite side of the world, that Meen-Rei is needed to ‘save the land’. I cannot be more open regarding Obscured Quests. Menu answered and I huffed as I headed towards the milking room.

“Brennie, Menu is limited in his ability to do certain things. He can do a lot, yes, but his own systems prevent him from just giving us everything.” I grumbled and opened the door of the closet I converted into a milking chamber and licked my chops in anticipation while my panties got wet and my tail tip dripped a bit of pre. Fuck do I need some relief!

“I could hazard a guess, but then that would force Menu to block me. Then again, I could be wrong.” Player theories cannot be disputed by the system. “Wait, seriously?! Okay! So, you need to connect to Equestria, which is on the other side of the world. Don’t MMORPGs have a lot of warp points? Especially in games this ridiculously massive.”

“I’ll ask Shiroe about that later. Right now, I need some relief.” I pulled my gi open and let my heaving hooters breathe before I got on my knees on the padded floor and moaned when I attached the suction cups to my tender areolae and they began pumping me~.

📜

“Well, you’re looking happy.” Shiroe commented on my wagging tail and slightly radiant presence.

“I *bleep* several times~.” I giggled and he blushed along with everyone else, but thankfully he didn’t shy away like Akatsuki and Naotsugu did. “Now, let’s go! I need to go with you and you’re going to somehow, someway, lead me to a warp point that will link Equestria with Japan.”

“A warp point...to the British Isles you mentioned earlier in your text to me while you were, ahem, occupied?” Shiroe asked for confirmation and I nodded. “Well, the journey north does go by several dungeons, one of which is known for its labyrinthian nature and the many hidden warp points within.” My HUD suddenly got a waypoint! “That’s it then, we’ll stop on the way, but we must hurry. The person we’re trying to save is being hunted by a Bandit Guild.”

“Shit, I remember. A little Druid girl with Healing Magic, but she should be fine for now. A swashbuckling cat ally is keeping her safe.” Brennie informed me.

“She’ll be fine, a cat swashbuckler should be protecting her.” I suggested and the three looked between each other with Shiroe and Naotsugu visibly relieved of tension.

“That would be Nyanta. I don’t know how you could have known that, but if he’s there, he wouldn’t stand for someone being hunted down by bandits. Alright, let’s get outside of the city first. Our Griffin Whistles won’t work too close to a town or city.” Shiroe said and I sighed at this world having such arbitrary rules and logic. Damn game worlds, they drive me to drink.

📜

Flying on griffinback isn’t fun. I’ve flown on Neethsi’s back enough to infinitely prefer my lover’s sinuous, undulating grace over the brutish flapping of this classical non-anthro griffin. Still, he got us to this giant fuck-off mountain range that separated the northern shore from the rest of ‘Eastal’. Said mountains were home to the dungeon ‘Depths of Palm’.

This was our destination, where said labyrinth of a dungeon had warp points aplenty as well as an undersea pass the others will need to take under the strait since it was too dangerous to fly across with its heavy turbulence and the awaiting whirlpools below. “Despite the underwhelming name, this place feels really oppressive.” I commented with a shiver. This place causes willies.

“That’s because it’s full of Rat-Men who cause the ‘plague’ status. Before they were introduced, Depths of Palm was mostly an intermediate dungeon acting as a barrier between Susukino and this region of Eastal. Now it’s fairly advanced on top of being a major junction between regions.” Shiroe exposited for my sake as we entered the dungeon’s cavernous entrance.

“Wait, ‘Rat-Men’? Why didn’t the developers just ask Games Workshop for the license to call them Skaven? They’re pretty lenient with references.” I asked in bewilderment.

“Because EA.” All three of my companions chorused and I felt righteous disgust.

“Oh. Right. Fuck EA.” Seriously, where don’t they fuck up? “So, I know we just got here and all, but as a labyrinth, how far would such a mysterious warp point be?”

“I wouldn’t know, but Shiroe is a Scribe. He’s mapped almost every dungeon across Japan.” Naotsugu thumbed at Shiroe, who nodded as he led us in with his staff illuminating the way.

“Right. Well, time to start kicking ass, I guess.” I said before I cracked my neck.

📜

Ew. Ew. Ew~. “I really wish I took the ‘Monk Weapon’ passive so I could use all my abilities with Monk-style weapons~.” I whined as I rubbed the ichor from my hands with a rag. The bodies explode into iridescent bubbles, but the blood on my hands doesn’t.

“Blame whoever suggested that mild gore would improve popularity with edgy middle schoolers.” Akatsuki said and-Chuunibyou? I didn’t know that was a real thing!

“Bah, whatever. I’ve been covered in much worse. Usually it’s Daedra or Undead of some sort, but I actually know some Skaven back home and they’re alright so long as you don’t diss their goddess.” It's one thing to fight a clear-cut evil, it’s another to slay your fellow sapients. These monsters are an unsettling in-between, clearly monsters yet in a familiar form.

“That said, we’re near that inactive warp point.” Shiroe informed us and then we rounded a corner to discover a glowing crystal floating in a gate-like gothic structure built into the wall. “Alright, good luck out there, Meen-Rei. You have us on your Friends list.” Shiroe said with a sad smile. I feel like there’s a lot of history with that expression.

“Be careful out there. A body like yours could kill with the blood procs you’ll start.” Naotsugu joked and I giggled while Akatsuki eyed my assets enviously for a moment before looking up at my eyes.

“You served Master Shiroe well. I hope you return to us someday.” Aw, little kunoichi serving her master. Roleplayer until the end. I bent down and hugged her face into my cleavage, causing her to flail and muffle before she used Disengage to warp next to Shiroe and I wordlessly waved before I touched the crystal-

-My eyes! My eyes~!-

-One blinding moment of light later, even with closed eyes, I was standing in another dungeon, but this one was just a short hall leading into an opening where the early morning light shined in. Right, it was fairly early in the day when we entered Depths of Palm, so it’s still morning here on this side of the world several hours later.

“Welp, hopefully I can find out what the fuck I’m here for.” I groaned and staggered out into the light, where an excavation crew of Earth Ponies paused to look at me while I adjusted to the light. “Hey, be careful with the warp gate in there. Bright.” I casually warned them and blinked to adjust my vision until I could see the white spire rising into the sky in the distance. “What the-?”

“Intruder! Call the guards!” Someone shouted and I groaned, waiting until a bunch of bronze-armored soldiers arrived, grabbed me under the armpits, then readily carried me out of the dig site and set me down outside of it.

“You’re a Dave, right?” One of the guards demanded and I glared at him. “Fine, adventurer.”

“Yes, I’m an adventurer. I came here from across the world using the warp gate inside that hallway the excavation has revealed. Please don’t destroy it since it could open up all sorts of trade possibilities, even if the damn thing is blindingly bright for an instant.” I informed the soldiers, who nodded to each other and one with a clipboard noted it. “Now then, what great danger threatens the land?”

“I’m afraid you missed a big event that went on. Nightmare Moon returned, but thankfully the Elements of Harmony pacified her and restored Princess Luna’s sanity. As of right now, there is no big threat to the land.” The clipboard-wielding guard informed me to my dismay.

“What?! Oo~! Menu!” Although the risk to Equestria has ended, your assistance is still needed. You’ve connected the Equestrian Isles to Eastal. You need to report this to the princesses. I can guide you more directly now that the Obscured Quest is updated to a Story Quest. Menu informed me and I groaned at my quest being extended.

“Wh-what? A filthy Dave communes with Lord Menu?!” Another guard gaped at me and Menu buzzed angrily. “I apologize for my impudence, Lord Menu! Spare me!”

“Menu! No smiting idiots!” I huffed angrily and pointed at the white spire. “Is that Canterlot? Will I find the Princesses there? I need to inform them about this new warp point to the other side of the world. Well, not exactly, that would be Brazil, but you know what I mean.”

“Uh, um, yes it is.” The clipboard guard answered, so I began sprinting at maximum speed towards Canterlot, which seems to have appeared outside the ruins of London, further inland. The locals must be so confused after the ‘Apocalypse’ brought them into this world from theirs. I tripped on a rock and went rolling downhill. Fuck my superspeed sometimes~!

Next Chapter: Ch.88 Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 10 Minutes