Ch.10

[Middas, 14th of Sun’s Height, 4E: 221]

After my disturbing realization of lacking a normal bodily function, Mellow did some scans while I ate to see if my body behaved differently. Turns out my body doesn’t need food. I get enough sustenance from my body being flooded with magicka to the point I even have an innate passive effect on myself that fuels my physical body as well as my metaphysical one. Lovely, so all the food I’ve been eating has been going to my boobs, butt and thighs. I’m lucky I haven’t gotten a belly. Worse, this means I can’t enjoy food without getting fat! Argh! Now I’ve gotta find out if there’s a spell to remove body fat in case I get tubby!

Hmph. Either way, I said hi to Diane before leaving the bakery and followed Mellow Cake, gosh I can’t stop thinking about how unfitting that name is for being a healer, as he took me on a tour of the city. “Over there is where Old Lilmoth used to be. It was a bunch of ancient Imperial villas that stood the test of time due to their deeply-set lumber piles into the swamp like Soulrest has, but they were destroyed decades before we Equestrians arrived. I didn’t know that was the Umbriel Crisis until recently.”

“I remember Lilmoth was the first victim of Umbriel when it rose from the sea. It’s good to see this place recovered.” I commented while I tried to envision the more modern stone construction in place of where Old Lilmoth stood as wood and stone villas sitting on the swamp. “I’m still impressed that cities like Blackrose and Lilmoth aren’t sinking like I’m sure Soulrest is.”

“Actually, thanks to the magic brought to Tamriel from Equestria, mages have developed mass-scale spells much more easily. I figure that giant canopy illusion I didn’t know about until yesterday is a result of the same mass-featherweight spells woven into the structures resting on the lumber piles inside the swamp. Black Marsh is our home too, we needed to make it a more sustainable place to live both for ourselves and the original inhabitants.” Mellow answered.

Sure, you still had all the weight of hundreds and thousands of people and miscellaneous things to contend with, but if those spells cut even a quarter of the weight of the buildings and streets themselves, I could see the sinking being much less of a problem, but still not eliminated. There must be something else to it besides just lessening the weight on the ground. “It’s good to know I won’t have to worry about falling into a spontaneous sinkhole.”

“Pfft, no. The Diamond Dogs have taken care of a good amount of the sinking issue too. Their innate geokinesis even more potent than that of Earth Ponies makes earthwork much easier and more reliable coming from them. So a mixture of the city’s weight being lessened and the soggy earth beneath us being more heavily compacted around the timber piles means Lilmoth and other cities and towns in Black Marsh besides Helstrom are stable.” Mellow mentioned the Dark Heart of Black Marsh with disdain and I had to wonder about that enmity.

“So there’s Diamond Dogs here?” I asked to change the subject.

“Yes, they’ve gone through a magical evolution since we arrived. They’re less hulking hunch-backed brutes and more like the dog version of Khajiit. We can thank Sheogorath for taking an interest in them and the dogs being simple-minded people who fell for his deception when he offered to ‘make them less dull’. Now we have the second-coming of the long-lost Lilmothiit when he turned a quarter of them into foxes along with altering their anatomy.” Mellow informed me while we sat on a bench at the edge of a park.

“So they’re all crazy?” I was a bit shocked to hear that Sheogorath pulled an Azura, especially since it was the ‘new’ Sheogorath who did it.

“From how Rover tells it. Three years after they arrived on their crude boats, their Champion Demi-Mortal, Bone Eater, The One Who Finds Most Gems, The Great Hunter, The Tunnel Maker, He Who Led Us in War, Fluffy, was out and about looking for new hills to mine when he met a female dog that talked to him in manic ways. He also says the dog smelled of flowers and cheese which, with Fluffy being hungry, sent him after the dog to eat it, which was not the action Sheogorath was expecting and I quote was ‘boring’. Turns out the female was a bed of flowers with moldy cheese in it and Shoegorath wanted the Champion to do the dirty and try to drive him mad with the reveal he fucked a wheel of cheese out in the woods.” Mellow Cake explained.

“Sounds kinda weird, but it's the Madgod.” I muttered and idly slapped the hand of the street urchin who was reaching for my satchel, wagging a finger at him and tapping his snout with my tail before I tossed him a few Septims. If he’s stealing he needs something, I’m not hurting for money right now anyway.

Once the argonian child thanked me and ran off, Mellow smiled at me and cleared his throat. “Anyway, Shoegorath starts ranting at Fluffy for days as Fluffy just ‘boringly’ continues to look for gems, not even noticing the mad realm Shoegorath pulled him into. The fact he was in the Shivering Isles never crossed Fluffy’s mind. Eventually Shoegorath got fed up and ate him.”

“Then let me guess, he either vomited or shat Fluffy out and suddenly he was a less simple-minded more anthropomorphic creature like a Lilmothiit?” I remember something about Boethiah eating Trinimac and when she shit him out, the shit was Malacath or something.

“No! He turned into a woman and gave birth to Fluffy the Laughing Hyena! It’s super fucking weird!” Mellow exclaimed and multiple people nearby looked at him, but he just gestured for them to move on.

“Oh, well I was once a guy.” I told him, since in my experience gender swapping and other stuff like that was fairly normal to my standards.

“Did you teleport into a temple of the Nine Divines filled with Imperial missionaries trying to convert confused Diamond Dogs who only wanted to leave and find gems before birthing a full grown man and suddenly changing a whole race?” Mellow rhetorically asked and I glared.

“No, but I was once a man, then I became a woman and I was pregnant with quadruplets before my babies were ripped out of me and I was turned into an argonian.” I deadpanned and Mellow’s ears wilted.

“Sorry. I guess by your standards some of Sheogorath’s antics aren’t all that strange.” Mellow apologized and I took a calming breath.

“No, actually. He’s about as random as several people I knew in my first life. Sure, I can’t predict what he’ll do, but whatever he does it’ll either disgust me, amuse me or not impress me.” I only realized I’d invoked Murphy when a bird landed on my shoulder.

“Did I hear a challenge?!” I heard Sheo questioned excitedly and I snarled at the seagull.

“No, because all you’d do is piss me off and likely cause a ton of shit for yourself for hindering me when I’m supposed to be finding out what I need to do to save Nirn and keep you Daedra from going stir crazy with no mortals to toy with.” Which was their main motivator here.

“Gah! Logic! One of the worst things in existence! To that, I say bully! Bully on it! You now have the day to find Forky before I turn you into a living bag of chickens! You should find Forky somewhere in the Doggy District! Run along little mortals!” The bird on my shoulder then turned into yarn and unraveled as it draped over my shoulder.

“Great. Quest time. Where is the ‘doggy district’?” I’m assuming it’s there because of the dogs being Sheogorath’s people like how the Orsimer and Dunmer are Malacath’s and Azura’s people respectfully.

“This way, they live under the city like the Dwemer did!” Mellow exclaimed and grabbed my wrist, dragging me through the streets in a mad sprint.

📜

“Why is it so dark down here?” I asked my unicorn guide while we walked the stone tunnels beneath Lilmoth. The place was fairly full of anthro dogs and foxes of all sorts of breeds, going about their business like people above. Occasionally a crazed laugh echoed through the tunnels, but the dogs and Mellow weren’t bothered by it.

“Because Diamond Dogs have low-light vision like Khajiit. It’s a necessity along with their heightened senses of smell to navigate the dark. That said, dogs tend to squint or wear hats above ground because of how bright the sun is for them.” Mellow informed me as he guided me towards the maddened laughter.

“So that’s why they were all wearing hats when it’s overcast today.” I muttered in realization before we entered a large open area full of shop kiosks and gloomily lit by dim magelight lamps. The fact that the dogs live in what is literally an undercity alongside the sewers which rests atop the lumber pilings so they can more easily access the earth under and around Lilmoth made me wonder if Blackrose also had an undercity. Maybe that’s why that Thalmor could evade them.

“Listen for the insane laughter. Dogs aren’t good at or rather unable, to hide when they’re being influenced by Sheogorath. The most afflicted become hyenas, which are Sheogorath’s favorites and look like Fluffy.” Mellow advised and I listened closely while keeping an eye out. There were several hyenas around, each had a distinct crazed glint to their eyes, but they seemed normal otherwise besides the occasional random outburst of giggling or tittering.

It wasn’t long before another keening peal of laughter echoed from down another tunnel and we hurried from the marketplace before following the laugh down a turn. Eventually after maybe an hour of following the hysterical bouts of humor, we came to what seemed like a total dump. Junk was all over the place, none of it Dwemer or valuable otherwise. It seemed we’d found the local equivalent of a junkyard.

Atop a throne of wagon wheels and broken chairs giggled a raggedly-dressed hyena woman who was swinging about an iron carving fork that was wickedly shaped and seemed to be absolutely nothing special otherwise.

“Can I have that?” I asked with a deadpan.

“No! No can has fishy stick! Madgod gave me, yes. Giggles good dog. Best dog.” ‘Giggles’ replied between said manner of laughter. “Maybe if prove worthy, Giggles give Madgod’s token, yes?” Giggles snickered and I sighed. Of course it couldn’t be as simple as taking the fork. I’m not going to hurt her if I can avoid it. I’m not some cold-blooded adventurer.

“She’s clearly bonkers. Just let me knock her out and we can take the fork and her back to the Temple for study and help respectively.” Mellow huffed and I nodded, but when he cast a spell on her, the Fork resonated like it was tuning and Giggles moaned as she groped her modest chest through her shirt, to which he blushed while I snorted in annoyance. “Okay, so the Fork alters what magic does around it. Great.”

“Unf, hit Giggles again! Giggles loved that.” Giggles panted and I almost got my own enjoyment of seeing Mellow so flustered and unsure of himself.

“Fine, he will do that again if you give us the fork.” Mellow looked at me with shock and betrayal and I winked at him while Giggles looked between the fork and Mellow.

“Grr, Giggles not want to give up tingly feeling Madgod’s gift gives her, but unicorn made Giggles feel good too.” She looked between the two before tossing us the fork. She immediately and shockingly morphed from being a hyena, to being some mutt breed of terrier. “Oh~...what happened?” The dog potentially not really named Giggles asked as she rubbed her head.

“I’m not touching that.” Mellow declared and backed away from the resonating Fork, which got louder after it hit the stone floor and louder again when it neared my boots.

“Fine.” I huffed and picked up the Fork. I instantly felt exhausted! I don’t feel horripilation at all! Oh~ so hungry~! I staggered and Mellow caught me. “Mellow~...the Fork, I feel so hungry and tired.” I mewled, shivering weakly as Sheogorath’s voice echoed in my head.

“How odd! The Fork is supposed to make you feel excited, not weak! A rather interesting outcome! For this, I’ll take Forky off your hands and exchange it for something more fitting of your capabilities. Sadly, Wabbajack is currently in the hands of my good friend Vartine. Here, have the Spear of Bitter Mercy. Good old Neethsi should be familiar with it. So is Hircine.” Sheogorath deeply intoned the last bit ominously, before the Fork in my hand was replaced with a hefty trident spear that dragged me to the floor with a yelp from its weight.

📜

“Okay, what does it do?” I asked Neethsi after he finally came to Sugarcube Corner when the day was mostly gone. While none of the Cakes or Pies were happy to have such a dangerous weapon, let alone a Daedric artifact be so clearly displayed since it was leaning in the corner by the stairs, they understood I didn’t exactly have much of a choice and simply drew as much attention away from it as possible so the customers didn’t dwell on the trident.

Seeing the no-bullshit Diane actually try to bring out the Pinkie charm was both amusing and painful to see. She still got people to smile more often than not though. Anyway, Neethsi was stunned and stared at the spear for a few minutes instead of responding, but eventually he approached it and warily wrapped his hands around the shaft, sighing as if relieved. “Old friend…” The ancient argonian muttered with surprising tenderness.

“I’m guessing you and Sheogorath have history beyond you casually dismissing him?” Mellow observed while Neethsi did some rather impressive twirls of the trident in his hands, over his body in multiple rotations and ended with the spear ready with a glint to his eyes I hadn’t seen before, a spark of excitement that put the one I saw when he was learning or teaching to shame. Damn did that look make me all fluttery!

However, then he looked at me and his eyes became sad. “Sorry. Bitter and I have a long history together. I lost it in the ocean when Tsaesci pirates raided the ship I was on heading back home from Akavir.” He then presented it to me and I warily took the heavy Ebony weapon to place it on the table. “It’s yours now. If I try to claim it as mine, it will vanish once more.”

“That’s good to know, but what does it do?” I asked again as I gestured to it with both hands.

“It reflects a third of an incoming attack’s force directly onto the source whether you block with the spear or not. It also can summon a Storm Atronach like a staff, but only once per day and it never needs to be charged by soul gems.” Neethsi informed me and his brow wrinkled. “I know Sheo isn’t one to throw that at people willy-nilly like he is with his other artifacts. Why this when he knows you aren’t a melee combatant?”

“Since when do the Princes care about the suitability of their artifacts for a person?” Mellow questioned curiously and Neethsi snorted.

“Far more often than you’d think. They don’t just want their artifacts out in the world to wreak mayhem, they want them in positions where they can do the most potential mayhem. I was always a master spearman since my first life, so it just made sense to give me this. I personally prefer the mace, but I still can’t deny my mastery of polearms. So he gave me the Spear to wield because I’d be able to use it the best.” Neethsi informed us before a matronly blue mare in her own baker’s smock approached.

“Now that you’ve arrived, please remove that from my bakery. I’ve been having people asking if it’s going to be mounted on the wall all day.” The mare, who was Cup Cake, Mellow’s mom, pleaded and Neethsi opened my satchel before sliding it in. Oh...I could’ve done that instead of lugging it around everywhere and making a scene! Damn you Sheogorath! “Thank you. Sweetie, I don’t think you should affiliate with these two.”

“Mother.” Mellow replied with a stern and warning tone, causing the mare to deflate. “This is why I left home and don’t visit often.” Oof, family drama.

“I’m sorry sweetie. It’s just...they are clearly trouble. You’ve only been here a day and you got dragged into a Daedric Quest.” Cupcake protested and Mellow stood up, grabbing his bag. “No! Please! I’m sorry, they can even stay the night! Please don’t leave me!” Cup Cake begged her son, even grabbing him and Diane rushed out of the kitchen while Marble ducked behind the counter. The pink mare grabbed the heftier but still tall mare to drag her off of her much smaller and physically weaker son while I meekly hid behind Neethsi, who was visibly indifferent.

“Aunt Cuppy! That is uncalled for!” Diane snarled and bodily pushed her aunt towards the stairs. “Let me talk to him!” Diane demanded and the emotionally unstable mare cried as she fled upstairs after causing quite the scene in her own bakery. “I am so sorry you had to see that. Aunt Cuppy hasn’t been the same since Uncle Carrot passed.”

“She wouldn’t let me pursue my Talent. I had to leave the city because she wouldn’t stop hounding me to follow the family tradition of being a baker. I didn’t want to come back, but my Destiny is now forcing me to be here for whatever reason.” Mellow huffed angrily and squeezed Diane’s arm thankfully. “Thanks cousin.”

“She’s not well, Mellow. She isn’t afflicted by Sheogorath, but her mind is slipping ever since Uncle Carrot died and she caught that bug several years ago.” Diane quietly whispered to him, loud enough for us to hear while Marble managed to get the customers to relax and go back to their treats.

“It was like watching a bipolar old woman on her fifth bottle of sujamma.” Neethsi compared and the two family members winced. “She may not be afflicted by Sheogorath, but you don’t need to be in order to be mad. He simply promotes it, he isn’t the cause of all of it, regardless of what he wants people to think.” Neethsi said bitterly.

“Are you okay, Mellow?” I asked my friend in concern and he sighed.

“No. Y’know, it was my mom’s illness that caused me to get my Cutie Mark when I was tending to her.” He rubbed his outer thighs and looked sadly at the stairs. “When I got my marks, I was so happy. So happy I found out my calling and that it was because I tried to help my mom. When she recovered though, her first reaction was disappointment. No Cake has ever been anything other than a baker in our recorded family history that goes back before the exodus from Equestria. Mom saw me as a failure. She still loves me, as you can tell, but she can’t stop trying to control me, her youngest child who decided to go ‘rogue’.”

“Which isn’t fair.” Diane muttered and side-hugged her cousin with a hand on his shoulder. “My Talent is to make people happier, but do you see me dressing like a clown and being all sunshine and rainbows? No. You don’t need to follow your Talent religiously Mellow. Why don’t you try something that blends your Talent with your family history? Like, make magic curative pastries?” Diane musingly suggested.

“That sounds awesome.” I couldn’t help but comment and my tail twitched when everyone looked at me. “W-what? It is. Imagine a cupcake that cures colds. Besides, baking and medicine making are both chemical reactions to make something that makes someone feel good.”

At this, Mellow gasped, his eyes dilated, his horn sparked, his thighs shined through his pants and he smiled. “Pinkie, I need the kitchen!” Mellow hurried behind the counter and Marble meeped as she dodged her cousin.

“Holy...did Little Mellow just...have a Second Marking?” Diane asked in amazed shock and I worked my jaw, trying to think of a way to process that. “I need to go get Twilight right away. The last time this happened, she turned into an alicorn.” She slapped her hands over her mouth. “Forget that! I said nothing! Forget. It.” Diane hissed at us and I sighed in defeat.

Next Chapter: Ch.11 Estimated time remaining: 18 Hours, 4 Minutes