Psychedelica – Pastel Ponies
A pony story by Joseph Raszagal
As inspired by stuff best kept away from children
Chapter Twenty Two – The Energy, the Ecstasy, the Candy, and the Workshop

As it happens, the answer to my question was apparently "right now".

Call me crazy, but something about the girl's enthusiasm was both endearing and slightly frightening at the same time.

Bidding Twilight, Rainbow, and Spike good day, I followed Lyra out of the library and across town. Now, even with what little I knew about the mare, I had some expectations. None of those expectations lead me to believe that she lived in a freaking candy store, however.

But she did.

Of course she did.

"Home sweet home?" I asked, seconds later screaming inwardly at my newest inadvertent pun.

"You know it!" she replied, pushing open the door and causing the bell above to let out a light jingle. "Bonnie, I'm back, and I brought company!"

From behind a polished counter, a cream-colored earth mare pivoted on her hindlegs to face us with a bright smile.

"Company?" she questioned, giving me the once-over. "Hmm, well, we won't be opening up for another two hours. Would our guest like to introduce himself over a cup of tea and some chocolates? I just finished a fresh batch and there's always a little extra to go around."

Tea?

Meh, I had a lot of coffee already.

Chocolates though?

Fuck yes.

"The name's Jeremy Robin, ma'am, it's a pleasure to meet your chocolates' acquaintance," I said with a grin.

Flashing a grin of her own right back, the mare chuckled, "And as you've likely guessed, I'm Bon-Bon. Follow Lyra around the counter and into the back, the dinning room is on your second right. Give me a minute or two and I'll be right with you, candy and all."

"See ya there, Bonnie, don't forget the honey for my tea!" Lyra called out as I followed her further into their business-slash-home.

"As if I'd ever forget. You add sugar to your water, for Celestia's sake."

"Hey, a little bit of sweetness never hurts!"

"Hah, don't I know it. See you in a moment, hun."

You know those sitcom couples that are too cute to actually exist in the real world? The ones that make you wretch whenever you watch them being lovey-dovey when, in any ordinary situation, they'd really be ripping each others' throats out?

Surprisingly, it's not as annoying or painful to see in the flesh. Heck, if anything, I'd say they actually pulled off what those sitcom actors couldn't.

Ugh, dare I admit it?

They were actually kind of... precious.

Stifling a groan in favor of the better part of me actually appreciating the moment, I sat down with Lyra at opposite ends of a small table and awaited the arrival of sweet, sweet tooth-decay.

"So, a candy store?" I commented offhand. "I was kind of expecting a music shop or something."

Staring down at her hooves, Lyra closed her eyes and sighed, "Music... yeah."

"Er, I mean, you know, the lyre and your name and all," I sputtered, off-put by the energetic pony's immediate lack of... well... energy.

Letting out a short, humorless laugh, she replied, "I gave it a shot once, but it didn't work out. I guess with me it just couldn't work out. I love music, it's my special talent. Always has been. But I guess even loving what you do isn't enough to make it succeed. Everything's always up to chance."

Shit, did I really just fuck things up already? This has to be a new record or something, I've only been here for five minutes. Quick, abort! Abort! Salvage this, dumbass!

"N-not that there's anything wrong with a candy store, mind you," I backpedaled unconvincingly. "Candy's awesome, right? Hah, love candy, sugar kicks ass!"

"I should certainly hope it's awesome," came Bon-Bon's voice as she trotted into the room carrying a tray of treats, "otherwise we'd be out of business."

Instantaneously, Lyra's disposition returned to its normal levels of over-exuberance, giant smile and all. This seemed... off to me. It's not like I wanted her to stay depressed or anything, mind you, but when someone is so very obviously hiding something, you wonder what's going on, right?

At the very least, I was wondering.

Still, as I'd said, I'd only been here for every bit of five minutes. Best give it another five or six before I go prying open doors that I've got no business peering through.

Grabbing a chocolate and popping it into my mouth, I decided to play my cards close to my chest and beat around the proverbial bush.

"So, a snack shack and a workshop all rolled into one, eh? How do you two manage that? Seems to me like it'd be a lot of work trying to balance both out."

Shrugging, Bon-Bon selected a caramel truffle and answered, "It's not all that difficult, really. The store takes up the front half of the first floor and the workshop takes up the basement. If anything, the hardest part was moving the washing machine and dryer up the stairs and into the new laundry room."

"If it hadn't been for my horn, I don't think I could have ever gotten it done," Lyra snickered. "You should have seen Bonnie trying to direct me while I was hovering those huge monsters in the air."

"Suffice to say, the dryer very nearly wasn't the only thing to have a tumble cycle," Bon-Bon added, grinning. "All I think we were missing to complete the picture was a pair of those hoof-held lamps that the air-traffic control pegasi use."

"Bedroom closet, little box in the back," the mint green unicorn chimed in.

"Wait... no, you're not serious, are you, Lyra?"

"Yep."

"Why in Equestria do we have a pair of those?"

"So we can forget to use them the one and only time we'll ever need them, apparently!"

Bringing a hoof up to her forehead, the cream-colored mare shook her head and snickered, "Sounds like us, I'm afraid."

"Ah, no worries, sounds like me too," I said with a shrug. "Good posture, social etiquette, where I placed my wallet, where I placed my keys, social etiquette, how to open a jar of pickles without looking like a wimp, and social etiquette. I forget a lot of things."

Another round of laughter echoed throughout the small dining room as I blushed and rubbed the back of my head. Me being, well... me, all of that had been pretty much true. Especially the social etiquette bit. I should really stop waltzing into castles like I own the damn place.

"If you don't mind my asking, how did you and Lyra meet?" Bon-Bon asked after getting her giggles under control. "Wait, wait, no, let me guess. It's the obvious, isn't it? Are you an inventor of some kind?"

Oh, thank you, sweet and merciful lord! We can bypass all of the attempted theft!

With Lyra sweating bullets and staring at me with wide eyes, I cracked what I hoped was a believable grin and decided to ad-lib for as long as I could until the green pony regained her composure.

"Heh, am I that easy to read? I mean, 'inventor' might be a bit presumptuous of me at the moment, but that's what I'd like to aim for, specifically with electronics. I popped into town several months back and I've still only just started really getting acquainted with everything. Used to be a big city sort of guy, so the countryside takes a little adjustment. When Lyra here mentioned that she was interested in technology, I figured we might have a lot in common, so showed her some of my... uh... projects and she immediately expressed interest in working on them with me. Being a bit undertrained in magic, I could really use a spare pair of ha~ er, hooves to help me out. Especially with all the delicate work with things like wires, cogs, and springs. I can levitate a couch for a few minutes but I haven't quite gotten the hang of manipulating the small stuff just yet."

JEREMY, YOU'RE RAMBLING! THINK BETTER! THINK SMARTER! THINK FASTER!

"Uh, what I mean is, it's not like I haven't done those things before, I'm just not very good at it all quite yet and Lyra said she could handle some of the precision-oriented work until I got the necessary training to start carrying my own weight. Because I don't want to call myself someone's lab partner and just toss all the work onto them, right? Heh, that'd be rude as all get-out. I figured I could show her some of the things I've got on the back-burner and have her tinker around with those while I hone my skills, then we could move on to the more difficult projects like advanced computer electronics. Which reminds me, do you guys have computers around here? They're really neat! They do all sorts of things that you could hardly believe, like high level mathematics all on their own. It's some really technical stuff that I think could go far if I just had someone dependable to work with me so I don't just mess everything up."

NO, NO, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! STOP RAMBLING, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YOU'RE JUST THROWING OUT WORDS NOW!

...

...

...

CHRIST RIDING A WAGON MADE OF STICKLE BRICKS DOWN A 90 DEGREE HILL, AWKWARD SILENCE IS EVEN WORSE! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, ME?!

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...

...

The deadpan look that I received in turn told me that, yeah, I really was quite easy to read. Especially when I was lying (or partly anyway).

Well, damn, at least I tried.

"Nice try," Bon-Bon said flatly, quickly turning to face her mate. "Now it's your turn."

Shrinking in her chair, the pony in question averted her eyes and flattened her ears.

"I kind of... sort of... chased Rainbow Dash across town and tackled her to steal her strange toy so I could disassemble it," she whimpered.

Bon-Bon's jaw hit the floor and then proceeded to fall straight through to the center of the world.

"YOU WHAT?!"

"I got carried away! I'd never seen it before and it looked so advanced with all these flashing lights and buttons! I just wanted to see what made it tick!" Lyra defended, still looking no less ashamed and tiny where she sat.

"Lyra, I..." the candy-maker sputtered. "I know she used to be a full-grown mare, but she's still a filly now. How... how could you do something like that?"

Lowering her head, Lyra clamped her eyes shut and sighed, "I don't know, I just... I guess I got over-excited and... lost myself."

A knowing look overtaking her for a brief moment, Bon-Bon quickly shook her head disapprovingly and returned her focus to me.

"And where do you come in?" she asked, her tone easier but still firm.

Cat's already out of the bag, dude, might as well do your best to clean it up and give it a saucer of milk.

"I stopped her," I answered, standing my ground. "I'm a friend of Twilight's and, by extension, a friend of Rainbow's. The kid came to the library motor-mouthing about somebody trying to snatch her stuff, so I stepped in. I know it sounds really bad, and yes, it is really bad, but Twilight and I sat your girl down and had a long, stern talk with her. She knows she did wrong and she apologized to Rainbow for it. And, I dunno... for what it's worth, I feel like she meant it too."

Letting out a snort, the cream-colored mare closed her own eyes and leaned back in her chair. After several seemingly eternal and agonizing seconds, she returned to us with her verdict.

"Lyra, I'm glad that you apologized, but we're going to have our own long, stern talk about this. And I mean it. Understand?"

The unicorn nodded rapidly, hard enough to give Steven Seagal a run for his money when it came to snapping necks.

"And Jeremy? Thank you for intervening... but next time, please be straight with me. Honestly is the bridge between ponies that makes kindness possible, after all."

Licking my lips, I nodded much less dangerously than my green friend had and said, "I read you loud and clear, ma'am. I'm sorry that I lied to you."

Rolling her eyes, she nonetheless smiled and replied, "You are forgiven."

Easing back into my seat, I felt the tension slowly begin to drain away.

I know I didn't start this one, but still, how do I keep getting myself into this shit? It's like I'm a trouble magnet or something. One of these days I'll have to get around to finding the button that'll let me switch polarities so I can repel it instead.

"Do you... do you mind if we head down into the workshop now, Bonnie?" Lyra asked, still fidgeting in a mixture of embarrassment and shame.

Maintaining her warm smile, Bon-Bon reached across the table to place a hoof over the green mare's own.

"I'd like a few more words with Jeremy first, but feel free, hun. Just try not to burn the house down, alright?"

Smiling brightly, Lyra nodded and hopped out of her chair, pacing around the table to give her partner a peck on the cheek. Earning a kiss in return, she then sped out of the room and around a corner out of sight.

Turning to stare in the direction that her other half had raced off to, Bon-Bon sighed and covertly pulled a small silver flask out from beneath the table.

"Please don't tell Lyra, by the way," she whispered as she unscrewed the cap and took a quick sip. "I know it seems a little early for a drink, but sometimes... I just need a bit of help calming down."

It's around this time that Inner Jeremy began winding the crank-operated mental alarms. Which is to say, welp, there goes the mood all over again.

Really, and I mean really really, what did I get myself into this time?

"I don't think that it's my place to ask this, but is the relationship... uh... straining you?" I questioned carefully.

Shaking her head, the cream-colored mare replied, "Not the relationship, no. Lyra's a gem and there truly aren't any others out there like her. It's just... difficult sometimes. Looking after her."

Taking another sip, Bon-Bon pressed a hoof to her temple and closed her eyes. Several seconds ticked by as the gears whirred inside her head.

"I guess it isn't even that either. It's hard to explain. I suppose I don't drink to cope with who we are together, or even with how challenging it is sometimes to maintain things. That would be foalish, wouldn't it?"

Keeping my mouth shut, I fidgeted a bit in my seat, not sure what to say or do that wouldn't aggravate things further.

"Ha, listen to me. I feel like I'm preaching to the choir. Foalish? What do I know about foalishness?"

Licking my lips, I steadied my gaze to lock eyes with the candymare and said, "Hey now, I don't want to hear you getting down on yourself. You were going somewhere with that, right? I'm all ears and, well, I don't know if I can say anything that might help, but I can at least try. Is... is everything alright?"

Stuck in an expression somewhere between a grimace and a grin, Bon-Bon responded quietly, "I don't know. There are days when I can get out of bed and everything in the world seems fine. Then there are days when I just want to hide my head under my pillow and pretend that everything's fine. Sometimes... it hurts just to look at her, to watch her and know that there's nothing I can do to help."

A pit formed in my stomach. A deep one.

Help?

"What do you mean?" I asked.

The mare's frayed expression told me that some questions might take a few roundabout detours before they can be answered.

Letting out another exacerbated snort, Bon-Bon huffed, "Look, I've only just met you, but you seem like a decent sort. I don't want to say this, but I feel like I have to. Lyra's... she's very important to me. I love it when she makes new friends. She needs more. We all do, don't we? But... but let me make this clear. Crystal clear. She's more fragile than she seems. So much more. If you hurt her, even just a little, I will be there. I will hurt you. I may not have magic, I may not have wings, but I will find a way. I will hurt you. Do you understand?"

"Okay, okay. Yeah, I follow," I replied with a nervous gulp, raising my forelegs in a placating manner. "I've only just met her too. I've only just met the both of you. And I know it sounds selfish, but judging by the little I've talked with her about, I think she can help me with something really important. I'd like that chance. Up until now, I just kind of thought she was a tad overenthusiastic... but I'm guessing that that's not it, is it? There's more."

"Much more," she affirmed, quaking in her chair.

Placing my hooves on the table, I gently pressed on, "Then tell me."

Again, a pained expression. This time accompanied by... tears?

"Because it's that easy, isn't it?" she snapped back, her voice still quiet so as to not alarm suspicion from downstairs. "Sharing secrets about those closest to you with near-complete strangers?"

Granted, can't really argue with that.

Thumping a hoof against my chest, I donned my most sincere smile and stated, "Then once again, the name's Jeremy Robin. Part-time inventor, magic student, and hopeful future member of the Royal Guard. You're one of two I've mentioned that to by the way, but moreover, I'm a basket case of anxiety and crippling self-doubt, constantly sticking my own leg out to trip myself up whenever I've got a good chance at actually succeeding. I've done it before and I'll probably do it again, even if I have gotten a lot better about it recently. I've done some things, almost exclusively to myself, that I'm not very proud of, and in all honesty, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for a bit of kindness that was thrown my way. I'd be dead. I'd be dead and it'd be my fault... if you catch my drift."

Pausing to catch my breath, I turned my head to scroll over the pictures lining the walls, a happy couple of mares that apparently had to fight pretty hard in order to maintain their shared happiness. Why they had to struggle, I didn't know just yet.

But I wanted to know. I wanted to help.

Because pay it forward, dammit. And not out of obligation, but out of trying to be a decent person.

"I'm only here right now because some people took pity on me and gave me a second chance that I've been trying for months to convince myself that I really deserve. I don't know if I'm there yet, but I do know that I'd like to be. I'm a broken man still in the process of putting himself back together. Whatever you have to tell me, I'll understand. I'll understand not because I've been exactly where the two of you are or have been, but because understanding is what people do when they care."

Blushing, Bon-Bon's ears flattened and she replied, "W-wow. That was... not what I expected."

"Too much information?" I asked with a shrug.

"Maybe a little," she answered. "Maybe."

"You know, that might just be an accurate description for me in general," I laughed. "Jeremy Robin, too much information. Pay three bucks at the door and listen to the idiot prattle. Admission for kids and the elderly is free."

Chuckling in return, Bon-Bon remarked, "What was it that you said earlier about getting down on yourself?"

"Heh, alright, I'll keep the self-deprecation to a minimum too."

"Appreciated," she said thoughtfully, nodding, "and for what it's worth... I think I get where you're coming from. Thank you, that was quite brazen of you."

Brazen? Hmm, dunno if that one fits me quite as well as the last, but whatever, I'll take what I can get.

"It's the truth," I continued, smiling softly. "And, honestly... I'm not ashamed of it anymore. It's hard, but I'm getting better. For the first time in a long time, I'm making friends, and I think I'd really like Lyra to be one of those friends. The same goes for you too, Bon-Bon."

Nodding, the candymare relaxed her posture and turned her focus to the pictures and portraits that I had browsed only seconds ago. While her eyes misted over, they didn't let a drop fall. It didn't look like an expression of sorrow this time around. It was something more wistful than anything else.

Nostalgia, maybe?

Heh, we've all been there.

"You worded it as 'overenthusiastic'," she said, looking and sounding as though she were speaking from some place a thousand miles away. "I thought just as much during our first few years together. The way that she bubbles up at almost nothing, always excited to try out one of her newest experiments or play a song that she had only just written. But... there were times... back before we knew what was really going on. In all of her excitement, she would sometimes get carried away with whatever she was pursuing at the time. The longer these pursuits dragged on, the harder and harder any attempts at reasoning with her would become. Eventually, given enough time, the whole house of cards would come crashing down. Excitement would turn to confusion, confusion to fear, and out of nowhere she would just start screaming. I can't count how many times I held her, shushing her, doing everything in my power to sooth her hysterics, and even then it felt like my efforts were doing nothing to actually help. She'd calm herself when she calmed herself. It was always her fight alone... not... not ours."

Bon-Bon stood from her seat and paced over to one of the pictures, lifting a hoof and placing it against the glass protecting the captured memory.

"Some days, everything would go off without a hitch. We would smile, laugh, and love without a care in the world. Everything would be so calm and quiet, blue skies on a sunny day. But then something would happen. Anything would happen. Without rhyme or reason, those blue skies would blacken and a storm would roll in; from laughing to screaming at the drop of a hat. Have you... have you ever seen something like that, watched somepony go from bright smiles to hysterical shouting matches with another pony that isn't even there? The doctors, they called it 'mania' at first, but neither we nor they were satisfied with just that. I'd heard of it before, even if only in passing or while skimming through a book in my boredom at the library. Part of that diagnosis fit, how she could shift between moods in the span of a few seconds, but it did nothing to explain the things that she saw and heard whenever her fits would hit her. Voices that only she could hear, voices urging her into even deeper confusion as her thoughts spiraled in on her."

Her other hoof moving to rest above her heart, the candy-maker's eyes grew even more distant. Almost... haunted.

"Lyra's tried to explain it to me before, what it's like for her when it happens. She told me to imagine a noise like static in the back of my head, steadily getting louder the more anxious I get. At first, I might not even notice it, a tiny crackle that for all I know could be the rain hitting the window or the leaves crunching under my hooves. With more anxiety comes more sound, with more sound comes more confusion. Eventually, it all reaches a tipping point and the confusion becomes the one and only thought, booming like an explosion set to infinite repeat. In her own words, 'It's loud and painful and logic itself just stops making sense'."

Letting out a heavy sigh, Bon-Bon returned to the table and took one last sip from her flask.

"Schizoaffective disorder," she stated, shaking her head with a grimace and offering me the small container. "It took three years, but that's what the doctors eventually settled on. She takes medication now, but it's still there. There are still... episodes."

Grabbing the flask, I nodded to her and took a pull, an unexpected flavor not unlike straight vodka searing my tongue.

Coughing for a moment, I passed it back to her and, in my usual blunt fashion, said, "Bon-Bon, you might feel powerless now, but you're doing more for her than I think you know. She could be all alone with that noise in her head, but she isn't. Even if you can't share in the fight yourself, you can share in the recovery after each one. She has a pair of hooves to fall back into if she needs them and not everyone can say that they've got that. One of the worst things you can be when you're in a really dark place is be alone."

Rising to my hooves, I pushed in my chair and stretched my neck. Every once in a while, as dumb as I can be, something awesomely obvious can still nonetheless strike me.

This was one of those moments. I'm... kind of proud of it.

I knew exactly what to say, and despite the weight of what had just been unloaded on me, it was the simplest thing in the world.

It was the truth.

Trotting out of the room, I craned my neck to look over my shoulder and said, "She's not alone. She has you."

Bon-Bon stood there for a moment, just staring at me. The look in her eyes told me a great deal more than words could. It wasn't that she hadn't considered what I had just told her. Rather, I'd say it was more like she'd been waiting for an outsider to acknowledge it.

Which I guess makes sense.

From minute three of sitting at that table it was pretty clear to me that these two loved each other, but love's a challenging thing. Apparently even more so when you've got variables in the equation like mental instability. Now, I can't argue that I'll ever fully understand exactly how hard this mare has had to fight to maintain her connection with the one that she loves, but I can acknowledge it.

I did acknowledge it.

And sometimes, that's all we really want. Fame and fortune are pretty tiny things when compared to understanding, at least in the long run. Every once in a great while, even if someone can't really understand where we're coming from, even just trying to is enough. It's that strange thing called empathy.

I've... learned a lot about it lately.

Empathy. Yeah.

For the longest time, I spent all my hours being depressed solely about myself. Feeling sorry for myself. In hindsight, that was pretty damn selfish of me. Twilight. Rainbow Dash. I really have learned a lot about others since meeting them. Everyone suffers. Everyone hurts. But you know what? Sometimes, even when it hurts the most, we rise above and conquer the pain.

...

Heh, for the zillionth time, damn these ponies. They're driving me (or what is it now, keep driving me?) to feel.

The rest of my visit went pretty much as well as I had originally expected... well, outside of the hug that I gave the green unicorn for no properly disclosed reason that is. Lyra's workshop boasted many a strange curiosity, some practical and others... not-so-practical. Devices such as perpetual motion prototypes and functionless mechanical solutions in search of unspoken questions littered tabletops left and right. My host gave me a quick tour, guiding me through each of her projects and their intended purposes.

A personal favorite was definitely the hoof-mounted brace with claw-like attachments that she was trying to develop. Intended for earth ponies and pegasi to help them manipulate objects that unicorns normally used magic to interact with, while the idea had yet to leave the blueprint stage I was hard-pressed to scoff at something so potentially useful.

However, even with all of her interesting ideas, something told me that a day as emotionally taxing as this one just couldn't end on an ordinary note. As I was unpacking my three offerings and explaining to her how the sensors within the smoke alarm worked, a thought came to me that I just couldn't let go unvoiced.

"Lyra, I don't know why I haven't thought to ask this yet, but now that it's on my mind I can't get it out. You were hellbent on getting that Gameboy from Rainbow, and while I can agree that the technology behind it isn't exactly something I've seen around here, you guys do seem to have television. What's up with that?"

My new friend's eyes widened as the implications behind my inquiry hit her.

"I... don't know."

Feeling that I could still go somewhere, I continued.

"Well, how long have you guys had television?"

Screwing her eyes shut, Lyra concentrated for several long seconds before turning to face me with a paled face and even wider eyes.

"I... I don't know that either."

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...

What?

To be continued in Chapter Twenty Three – Techno-Jargon and Frustration...

Author's Notes:

A lot of things have happened between now and the last chapter as far as my personal life goes, but without getting into great details, I'm undergoing psychiatric evaluation. Because I might be crazy or something. Honestly, I think we're all crazy in our own little ways, so I'm not about to let that bring me down. I'm just going to keep writing and enjoying myself. Because ponies are awesome-tastical and I'll be damned if something as small as possible mental instability stops me from doing what I love.

To everyone reading, you guys are awesome and I hope I don't fuck everything up and end up delving the story into a direction that you don't enjoy. Jeremy has a lot ahead of him, both emotionally and thematically. Look forward to him complaining about everything under the sun some more!

- Joseph Raszagal

P.S. - Stay frosty, everypony.

P.P.S. - Prior to thinking it out fully through, the link to the song that I provided takes you to one of my "Moonstuck" videos that features the song. However, upon further research, Matt Pless, the creator of the song, has his own uploaded. You should totally check him out if you enjoyed the song. He's a cool dude, yo.