Psychedelica – Pastel Ponies
A pony story by Joseph Raszagal
As inspired by stuff best kept away from children
Chapter Eighteen – Slumber Party Fiasco

Jeremy's been going up and down on the ol' emotional rollercoaster for quite a few chapters now, even if the past few have been happy ones, but I still thought I'd take a break and draft out a chapter that's more or less just everypony hanging out. We all need a good break every now and again, right?

In complete honestly, this one's pretty much going to be one giant Seinfeldian Conversation (or several)... but with ponies. And a song I've already showed you before.

So, all in all, don't expect a lot of plot progress in this one... unless I'm lying my ass off. Which is entirely possible. Either way though, I hope you enjoy it!

- Joseph Raszagal

So, a couple things...

"Jeremy Robin, what do you want to do?"

It's an important question, dammit!

It's been about three days since my trip to Canterlot and my mind just hasn't stopped mulling over every single possibility.

Sure, Rainbow Dash kind of forced me to conclude that I could be of use to this world (God bless her), me being somewhat technologically savvy and in possession of a multitude of electronics that could, for the lack of a better description, fucking change Equestria as we knew it.

But still, shouldn't there be... more?

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm being a greedy asshole here, I just want to help out more than that.

These ponies helped me more than I can ever repay them for, so how could I really help them in return?

How could I, Jeremy Robin, return the favor?

Another in a long line of complicated questions, to be sure.

Admittedly, Shining Armor had given me another idea, but I was only just starting to nurture it. I didn't know where it could go and what I could do once I actually got there.

All I really knew is that I had to try.

Aside from that little ponderance, I also spent a great deal of time trying hard as fucking Hell to not notice something that the aforementioned stallion had also made me privy to.

Involving his sister.

My best friend.

...

Don't give me that look, you know what.

Heck, he was even "nice" enough to give me a rather unforgettable birds'n'bees talk that I really, really, REALLY wish I could forget, that way I'll be able to see the signs from now on and hopefully be on my best behavior. Because not noticing at all and thus more or less always being on my best behavior clearly wasn't good enough.

Ugh...

So yeah, there isn't enough alcohol on the planet to undo the damage that he did to me.

Quick question, folks, and yes, this will be on the test!

What's the best thing to do the night after watching an awesome orchestral concert?

Uh... apparently the answer is throw a party... a slumber party.

Yeah, not exactly what I had in mind, but alright.

And with a bunch of girls too, mind you. A few of them very much girlie girls.

...

...

...

Okay, fine, I'll relent. Who knew it would be this cool? They don't even have cooties!

Heh, sorry, that's the seven-year-old in me coming out.

"But the brass!" I exclaimed, throwing my hooves up into the air. "C'mon, the best part of that concert was easily the brass! It was all over the place, like thunder and friggin' lightning!"

"I'm afraid that I must disagree, darling," Rarity replied, daintily nursing her drink (champagne that I had refused upon being prompted). "The string section made the performance for me, particularly Miss Philharmonic's solo. It was something of a revelation. I can see why her status has elevated so."

I noticed a brief twitch in Twilight's left ear. However, whatever she was thinking went unsaid.

"I am sorry, Jeremy, but I am afraid that I must agree with Rarity," Zecora stated, smiling.

I wasn't sure which I should have been most surprised by: the zebra's compound-rhyme or the fact that she had decided to attend our little get-together in general. Either way, it felt like Yoda was hanging out with me, which was badass regardless.

Well alright, to be fair, AJ was with us too, and I'd come to understand their relationship a bit better over the past few weeks. Wherever AJ went, Zecora went too, no exceptions.

Kinda heartwarming, really.

"I dunno, I liked the drums," Rainbow Dash commented, sipping her decidedly nonalcoholic lemonade (Pinkie was pretty firm about the rules when they showed up at the library).

"Percussion," Twilight quipped, grinning.

Rolling her eyes, Rainbow retorted, "Whatever. It was awesome."

"I don't really do that orchestral crap," Gilda remarked with a shrug, idly sloshing her cider back and forth in her mug. "Now rock and roll, that's a different story. I'll jam to that every day of the week."

"Gotta broaden your horizons, G," the pegasus filly smirked. "There's lots of cool music out there."

"Eh, I just always found all the classical stuff to be pretty boring," Gilda concluded with a stretch of her wings. "Plus, the crowds are always so stuffy and stuck-up. Even if I liked the show, I wouldn't be allowed to cheer or anything, and that's even more lame than the music itself."

"Maybe you'd enjoy it more if I went with you," I jeered, eliciting a bright blush from the griffin and a round of giggles from everyone else present.

Rainbow Dash and I locked eyes for a moment and shared an unspoken high-five.

“Um, personally, I thought the piano was really nice,” Fluttershy said quietly, halfway hiding behind her mane.

"Ah gotta agree with ya there, Sugarcube," Applejack concurred, enjoying a hearty gulp of her own cider. "Always wanted to learn how to play it mahself. Just so dern pretty."

"I'm trying hard right now to imagine you tickling the old ivories, Boss, but the image just won't come together," Gilda laughed, her cheeks having recovered from their bright red color.

"Ditto," I snickered, earning myself a stern glare from the apple farmer.

"Ah'll have ya know, Ah used to practice violin whenever Ah went to visit mah aunt an' uncle out in Manehattan," Applejack remarked, refilling her mug for what I'd mentally recorded to be the fifth time.

Let it be known, the girl could hold her alcohol like a champ.

"Really now?" Rarity questioned, mischief sparkling in her azure eyes. "We still haven't gotten to truth or dare. I might just have to test you on that, darling."

"Well, to bad for y'all that there ain't no violin present," the farmer smirked, sticking her tongue out at the fashionista.

"Actually," Twilight commented, "I'm fairly certain that there's one lying around here somewhere. I used to practice it myself. I couldn't very well call myself a talented musician, but it was a very relaxing way to pass the time."

"Fantastic," AJ grumbled, shaking her head. "Sure, go ahead an' keep on encouragin' her."

"If it helps any, I used to play guitar back when I had hands," I said, grinning as I placed a hoof on her shoulder, "and I doubt I have the magic in me yet to strike a single note without screwing it up beyond repair."

Cocking an eyebrow, Rainbow inquired, "You played guitar?"

Shrugging, I blushed, looked off the the side, then answered, "Sort of. It's not like I was a prodigy or anything. It was just something that I enjoyed. Had to take solace in something. All things consider~

"Hold it right there, dude," Gilda stated, her voice a mixture of firm and understanding. "We can talk about music without digging up all the painful stuff, right? No need to get all teary-eyed on us again."

Steadying myself, I sighed and said, "Yeah."

Taking a moment to look around the room, I found that all eyes were on me, every pair comforting and full of understanding.

Dammit, we were having fun, and somehow I got depressed. How is it that I always do that?

Determined to keep things from going down the sad route that I always seemed obligated to pursue, I quickly announced, "You know what? Fuck it. Twilight, do you mind if I put on an album? I know you've got a good record player down here. I wanna show you girls some of the jams that I used to listen to... some of them I used to even play, albeit poorly."

Smiling softly, the librarian replied, "Feel free to play whatever you'd like, Jeremy."

Which was all that I needed. Sure, I was a little worried how the girls would react to my taste in music, being a depressing taste as it was, but still, I wanted them to understand.

They were my friends. We all love sharing shit with our friends.

Er, well, except for actual, literal shit. That'd be weird, yo.

I mean, seriously, who would do that? I remember the old prank about filling a paper bag full of dog poo then lighting it on fire and leaving it on someone's porch, but that's not the kind of thing you'd do to a friend, right? Well, unless they wer~

DAMMIT! NO RAMBLING, YOU'RE ON AN ASSIGNMENT! GET MUSIC NOW, THINK DUMB SHIT LATER!

Racing upstairs, I threw open the door to my old RonCo Record Vault and returned minutes later with a pile of vinyl records balanced precariously upon my back. The ponies (as well as zebra and griffin) present all watched curiously as I wound the old player's crank and started up the first of several songs. And while there weren't any speakers attached to this particular setup, the trumpet nonetheless sprang to life with the sounds of a song that I had once thought I'd die to.

This time though, I was smiling wider than a mile.

I didn't want to die. I wanted to live.

I wanted to live and fucking dance, baby.

"The lyrics might seem a bit dark at first, but keep in mind, it's all euphemisms and metaphors... probably," I stated before unceremoniously pulling Twilight up off of her cushion and singing.

Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie, should I really have been surprised when she jumped up, materialized a banjo out from fucking nowhere, and began playing along?

Most likely, but I wasn't. I was just having too much damn fun.

"So you're a girl now?" Gilda laughed.

I grinned back at her, winked, then continued singing my ass off.

Again, I should have been surprised, but again again, I somehow wasn't as the pink party planner then joined in with, "When you offer pink or blue, I'll take the blackest!"

"When you offer one or two, I'll offer three!" I continued, spinning Twilight around and catching her before she could tumble.

Undaunted by all the little, trivial things like the fact that it should have been impossible for her to know this song, Pinkie cheered, "When you point me in a direction, I'll run backwards!”

“And at the boarder of utopia, I'll toast to anarchy!” I replied.

"C'mon, girls, you've heard what comes next!" I exclaimed, my grin more than likely running from ear to ear.

Jumping up, Gilda practically shouted, "I am a leader, but you will not follow me!"

"Ah ain't no preacher, for Ah'm full of blasphemy!" AJ continued, a giddily alcoholic sway in her step as she too rose to her hooves.

"See you in Hell, boys!" Rarity joined in, legitimately catching me off-guard with the vulgar language.

"See you in Hell, boys!" Dash echoed.

"Hey!" everyone sang simultaneously.

I almost started crying again, I was so fucking thrilled.

"'Cause there's tons of guys moping 'bout the workday," Pinkie Pie sang as she somehow played her banjo and performed a cartwheel at the same time.

Positioning myself behind the boisterous baker so she could stick her landing on my back, I continued, "Dimes by the dozens, their song weighs a thousand pounds!"

"But there's nothing like a lady with a buzz saw!"

"I just might build your house, but I just might tear it down!" I grunted, still somewhat in-tune, as she jumped up and down on me as though I were a trampoline.

With a resounding thud, Pinkie Pie and I proceeded to fall down in a fit of giggles as the record decided to take a brief break from all the music in favor of the sounds and atmosphere of a crowded tavern. Glasses clinked together in toasts, muffled conversations could be heard in the background, and laughter filled the make-believe building.

Jumping to my hooves, I pulled my co-star back up with me and exclaimed, "Yes, barkeep, we will surely have another! To the witches, to the goblins, and the trolls!"

"I'll be coming to recruit your rebel children," Pinkie added with excess exuberance, strumming her banjo in perfect synch again, "there ain't no use in locking doors, there's one of me in every home!"

"Let's wrap this up, everyone!" I yelled, pumping a hoof into the air excitedly.

"I am a leader, but you will not follow me!" the whole room chorused together, smiles all around. "I ain't no preacher, for I'm full of blasphemy! See you in Hell, boys! See you in Hell, see you in Hell, boys! See you in Hell, see you in Hell, boooooooooooooooys!"

"Haha!" I cackled, my toothy grin wide, finally concluding the song and falling right the fuck back down.

The girls all immediately joined me in my laughter as the record span to static, the song I'd chosen being the last one on the album. Despite the dark nature of the tune, no one seemed to mind, instead focusing on the lively energy and the antics of the accompanying impromptu performance. Pinkie and I shared a quick wink in lieu of that last bit.

Holy crap, I wish my little dragon bro were here too rather than attending his own slumber party with the Crusaders. Heck, Shining and Cadance too. This night was turning out to be the friggin' best night ever!

Oh my fucking God, this night was turning out to be the worst night ever.

Staring down at the section of floor resting between our small pony circle, I watched as a glass bottle steadily ceased spinning, its neck pointed directly at me.

Grinning mischievously, Rainbow Dash smirked, "So, Jeremy, truth or dare?"

Unfortunately for her, my brain had already collapsed in on itself and begun repeating an internal mantra in order to distract what was left of me from the awful, awful reality at hand.

"Rubber ducky, you're the one, you make bath time loads of fun!"

"Uh, Jeremy?" Rainbow questioned, as though I could hear her. "You alright?"

"RUBBER DUCKY, YOU'RE THE ONE, YOU MAKE BATH TIME LOADS OF FUN!"

"Jeremy!" she yelled.

"RUBBER DUCKY, YOU'RE THE ONE, YOU MAKE BATH TIME LOADS OF FUN!"

Grabbing me by both shoulders, the prismatic pegasus proceeded to scream right into my ear, "Jeremy, snap out of it!"

"Agh!" I exclaimed as I fell backwards in shock.

Stepping a few inches away, Rainbow tilted her head in confusion while Gilda shrugged and asked, "You back, dude? You were kinda staring off into the middle distance there."

"Wha?" I stammered before giving my head a quick shake. "I mean, yeah, I'm here. All Jeremys are present and accounted for."

"Right," RD slowly stated, "so... what is it then? Truth or dare?"

Apprehensively, I focused hard on the question for a moment before replying, "Uh... well, there's not much I can tell you about myself that you don't already know at this point, so... shit, I'm gonna regret this. Dare?"

Rubbing her hooves together menacingly, Rainbow looked several times between Twilight, Gilda, and I.

"Oh, oh no you don't."

Her grin widened.

"I will fucking trash you right here and now, you whore!"

"I dare you to chug one of those energy drinks!" she commanded with glee.

"Ha, I knew it! I see how it is!" I shouted as I stood up and stretched my legs, preparing for a showdown. "Maybe you'd like to take this outside, little lady~ Wait a minute... what did you say?"

"Chug one of your energy drinks."

I gave the teenage pegasus one long and tired glare, then echoed, "Chug."

"Yep."

Sighing, I turned to face the stairwell that lead up to my room and quipped, "And I must look pretty stupid right now."

"Yep."

"You are an evil, diabolical pony, Rainbow Dash. You know that?"

"Yep."

Groaning, I rolled my eyes and made my way to my room, my tail trailing between my legs in full knowledge that I had just been bested by a fucking teenager.

Oh well, what was new?

In a last ditch effort to at least save some face, I grabbed two of the cans and began formulating a plan. As I turned to head back downstairs, however, a loud and resounding "WHAT" thundered throughout the treehouse as though a bomb had just been detonated right underneath my hooves.

"I'm gonna take a wild shot in the dark here and assume that Dash just told Twilight what the name of the drink is," I muttered to myself, suddenly finding it a little difficult to remain angry.

Trotting back to the rest of the group, I sat down beside a decidedly much more frazzled looking librarian and put on my cheeriest smile.

"Hey, don't blame me, it was her idea," I snickered as I pointed at the offending pegasus.

All this earned me was a contemptuous glare.

"Ahem," I said as I cleared my throat, grabbing everyone's attention, "I won't back down from a challenge, but these drinks are a little rough if slammed back in one go."

"Yeah they are!" Pinkie chirped giddily.

Crap, I forgot about that. Welp, guess that crosses her off the list.

"Knowing that, I'd at least like someone else to look like a chump alongside me," I announced, rubbing the back of my head sheepishly. "Rainbow can't because she's already kind of familiar with the drink, and besides, an entire year's worth of sugar can't be good for a toddler her age."

"Hey!"

Hehe, karma's a bitch, ain't it, kid?

"And Pinkie can't join in because she's already familiar with it too. So, anybody else wanna rise to the occasion?"

I expected Gilda to step forward and, admittedly, she did. However, a certain drunken apple farmer took a few more steps forward.

"Ain't no challenge Ah'll shy away from," she slurred, though looking no less determined for it.

"Um, Applejack, I'm not sure that's a very good idea," Fluttershy squeaked.

“Eh, it's not alcoholic, just superextradoublemega caffeine,” I said, patting the yellow pegasus on the side reassuringly. “She could probably use a drink that isn't cider right now anyway.”

“Ah can hear ya perfectly, ya know that, right?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well, just so we're clear, Ah could drink all y'all under the table tonight an' still trot a straight line.”

“No need to get defensive, yo, I'm sure you could.”

Passing one of the cans over to her, I popped mine open, my daily hoof training having since made them far more deft and useful than they'd been when I first arrived. With a grin, I lifted mine and said, “I propose a toast! Here's to good friends, good music, and two throats that are about to burn very, very badly!”

“Heh, Ah'll toast to them first two all night long,” she replied, clinking her drink against mine.

Locking eyes, we smirked in unison and knocked the beverages back like champs.

Screwing my eyes shut, I guzzled as fucking fast as I could before the burn could catch up. It was a losing race, or battle, or racebattle (battlerace?), but I gave it my best shot all the same. About halfway through the can, it finally hit me, this merciless cinnamon and ginger explosion, but I refused to give in. Opening my watering eyes, I looked over at my competition and saw the same throat-rending pain written all across her face as well. Determined to win, I kept going until my can was empty, finishing only seconds before the apple farmer did the same. Then, just to add a bit of fanfare, I crushed the can on my forehead and dropped it, grinning like a maniac.

Aaaaaaaand that's about when the coughing finally caught me.

Oh man, did I cough. It hurt, it sucked, but it was nonetheless thoroughly awesome. I collapsed onto the floor, my hooves clutching my chest and my tongue lolling out like a dog's. Rolling over, I found Applejack doing the exact same thing. Somewhere between laughing and gagging hard enough to burst a lung, I outstretched my foreleg to her and was rewarded with a hoofbump.

“Y-y'all... y'all weren't kiddin',” she wheezed. “Th-that there's a... volatile l-little drink. Ah've downed shots of... of straight w-whiskey that hurt less.”

“Yeah,” I replied, panting up a storm as my taste buds tried to recover, “volatile's a good word for it.”

“Should I have dared you to do something else?” Rainbow snickered.

Pulling myself up from the floor, I shook my head and said, “Nah, that was perfect. And shit, I totally did it! I wasn't really sure if I was actually going to finish the entire can before my esophagus revolted, Russian Revolution style. Maybe next time you can dare me to do something that I know I'm good at, like having a mental breakdown or something.”

“Heh, I think you've met your yearly quota on those already, dude,” Gilda remarked, jabbing me in the shoulder.

“Um, I have to agree,” Fluttershy added, giving me a soft smile.

“Alright, alright, no more sanity jokes,” I relented, smiling back at her. “Instead, I think I'll just take my turn now.”

“Your turn?” Twilight asked, tilting her head in confusion.

By way of reply, I simply pointed at the bottle sitting between us and grinned.

With a flick of my hoof, I sent it in a quick clockwise spin. As if ordained by fate (maybe Celestia was watching and wanted to give me a little chance at revenge), the bottle came to a slow stop, its neck pointing directly at Rainbow Dash.

I think my devious smile was wide enough to split my head in half. She looked understandably nervous.

“Oh how the mighty have fallen!” I exclaimed in triumph.

“You haven't even dared me to do anything yet, it's a little early for you go off on a victory rant.”

“So, it's dare then?”

“Well duh! Truth is boring, talk is cheap, and I'm a mare of action.”

“Filly.”

“Oh, just shut up and dare me already,” she grumbled over the rest of our laughter.

“I find it hard not to admit admit,” Zecora chuckled merrily, “this turning of the tables does quite fit.”

“Yes, yes it does,” I stated as I thought hard about what trials and tribulations would best suit my prismatic victim. “Did you by any chance bring your Gameboy?”

“Huh?” she retorted, looking back at her discarded saddlebags. “Yeah, I think so. Why?”

“Because I dare you to waste all of your TMs on the worst and least favorite mons in your party,” I said, crossing my forelegs and resting my chin on my hooves.

Gendo Ikari would have appreciated my perfect impression, I'm sure.

“What?!” Rainbow exclaimed, her jaw dropping open. “And you had the nerve to call me evil!”

“Never said that I wasn't too.”

“Jeremy, I think the rest of us are a little lost here,” Twilight commented.

“Yes, I dare say, I haven't the fainted clue as to what the two of you are talking about,” Rarity agreed.

“Eh, I also didn't say that my turn was going to be the most exciting one of the game,” I offered with a shrug, “but she knows what I'm talking about and that's what counts.”

“Do I really have to do this?” Rainbow begged as she fetched the plastic brick in question.

“It's either that or release your starter.”

“What?!” she exclaimed again.

“But Gummy's her favorite,” Pinkie Pie jumped in, defending the colorful filly.

“Hey, when I play this game, I play for keeps. She's just lucky that she didn't go with truth.”

Turning the device on, Dash angrily huffed, “Yeah, I'm sensing that.”

Wait a sec, I'm rolling past something here.

“You named your starter 'Gummy'?” I asked, tilting my head.

“Well, yeah, Charmander's a lizard,” she answered as the game booted up. “It seemed obvious to me.”

“Oh, wow, you went with Charmander?” I asked, a little impressed. “That had to make Brock's gym all kinds of interesting.”

Nodding, she opened up her inventory menu and said, “I had Fluttershy Poison Powder everything within sight, then had her slow it all down with a billion String Shots. After that, I just sent out Gummy and used Ember until I could Ember no more.”

“And Misty's gym?” I inquired, legitimately intrigued.

So sue me, I was a Pokemaniac back when I was a runt.

“That was a lot easier,” she answered, giving Thunder Bolt to a Raticate that, for all intents and purposes, had absolutely no business even attempting a special attack. “By then I had Pinkie, my Clefable. When she sent out her Starmie, I used Metronome and... uh... Pinkie kinda exploded. Took out that stupid starfish in one hit. It was awesome, even if I felt a little guilty about it afterwards.”

“I wouldn't beat yourself up about it, kid, explosions happen,” I laughed, patting her on the back. “There's even a TM for it later. I used to cheat my ass off and multiply it so everything in my party could go boom whenever I wanted.”

“Ooh, ooh, can I have it, can I have it?” Pinkie Pie jumped in again, dancing around the blue filly as she gave Rest to a particularly useless Graveler. “It'll be like blasting off my party cannon in every battle!”

“Sorry, hun, but I'm pretty sure Clefable can't learn it,” I stated. “You'll just have to hope Metronome works out for ya a few more times in the future.”

“Awww,” she huffed, scuffing at the floor with a hoof.

“There,” Rainbow announced, turning her Gameboy off and sneering at me. “All of 'em are used. Satisfied now?”

Grinning, I replied, “Very much so.”

“Good, so we can get back to truths and dares that ain't just in-jokes?” AJ asked, rolling her eyes.

Passing the bottle over to Rainbow Dash, I answered, “Yep!”

And of course the damn thing pointed at me after she finished spinning it.

Goddammit.

To be continued in Chapter Nineteen - Decisions, Decisions... and a Few More Decisions...

Author's Notes:

I'm going to admit, I had the time of my life writing this chapter. I've been sick and depressed lately, probably the natural reaction to being sick... among other things, but I'll be goddamned if any of that is going to bring me down, yo. These ponies are just too much fun to write about, even if I'm writing about them sitting around and talking about pretty much nothing. One of the things that always sticks with me when I start up another chapter is the fact that Lauren based these characters off of how she imagined them when she was playing with her pony toys as a little kid. Which, I don't care how you look at it, is fucking beautiful.

Eh, I'm rambling. As usual. To cut things short, I hope you all are doing fantastic, because even if I feel like shit right now, somehow I feel fantastic too. My body might be frowning, but my brain is smiling like all Hell.

Have a nice night, y'all. Kentucky'll be sure to get on the next chapter sometime soon, or whenever. Right after this next screwdriver, of course. Because vodka is good.

Cheers to self-medication! *Passes out*