“There it is!” one of the guards shouted, pointing towards a solitary cloud.

Squinting, Havoc discerned a black dot just below the cloud: the airship that would take them to Equestria. No one had bothered the group after Jackeuline’s attack, but they had been on edge all the time.

“About time they showed up,” Screwball quietly complained. She had managed to survive her injuries, but she was still bedridden and could barely move or use magic. Havoc had told the captain that she was a magical construct that carried his injuries so he could keep fighting without being crippled, and that killing her would kill him, too Thus, they had resorted to letting her lie in the first wagon and placing Aio back with the three remaining prisoners: the zebra, the changeling and the earth pony.

“In before it’s an enemy ship,” Havoc said.

“Shut up.”

“You have a point,” the commanded said. “Teleport there and check that they are the ones we are waiting for.”

Havoc did as he was told, and in a moment he was standing inside the zeppelin. The dozen of ponies inside reached for their weapons or jumped back until they realized who had just appeared on their deck.

“The others are waiting on the evacuation point. I came first to check that you are the extraction team instead of some hostiles.”

“Did you have a safe trip?” asked the captain of the zeppelin, a gray-haired pegasus.

“Not exactly. Give me a moment.”

Focusing, Havoc reached towards Screwball’s mind, telling her that everything was safe. The last days had been anything but chaotic, so his energy reserves were too low to waste them on teleporting back. “Alright, now they know.”

“Good, good. Now, since it will be a couple of minutes before we land, would you mind telling me about your trip?

Havoc quickly summarized the events up to Jackeuline’s attack, and the continued. “After we managed to fend her off, we were on a dire situation. All the royal guards were asleep, I was near-dead and Aio could turn on us in any second. Since I couldn’t heal the wounds caused by Fugde’s weapon, I had to create a substitute to bear my injuries so I could fight if we were attacked again. Luckily, I didn’t have to. After the effects of the sleeping drug wore off, we chained the prisoners again and continued travelling undisturbed.”

“It’s a shame that you lost some of the prisoners. But, since this Jackeuline was so powerful that you had to team-up with the Diamond Wolf just to fight her off, we are lucky that all our soldiers survived.”

“We are lucky that she used non-lethal arrows or we would have had to dig a large pit to bury everypony.”

Taken aback by Havoc’s reply, the captain focused back on his duty. This allowed Havoc to walk around the airship, annoying everypony with his questions about what anything that looked shiny or important. Twenty minutes later, the zeppelin landed and the ground group got inside, wagons included. Since they were still carrying greatly dangerous war criminals, Havoc was ordered to always stay around to ensure they wouldn’t escape. Since this meant he could stay with Screwball all the time, he happily agreed.

For the two uneventful days it took them to reach Canterlot, Havoc continued nursing Screwball back to health, like he had been doing since she got injured. Said nursing involved several practical jokes and magic exchange, as well as feeding her and making sure she wasn’t feeling cold or hot. At one point he attempted to breastfeed her, claiming that it would give her both nutrients and magic, but having one of his bear nipples torn off by pony teeth convinced him to stick to more traditional means.

By the time they arrived at Canterlot, Screwball had recovered use of most of her powers, no longer having to devote all of her magic to staying alive, albeit they were still severely weakened. Plus, both she and Havoc kept on feeling pain in all the places the axe had harmed them, a feeling that somewhat reminded Havoc of the day when he lost one of his horns to balefire.

When they surrounded the mountain on which Canterlot rested, the full view of the city left Havoc speechless. He had seen it before, both in his laptop’s screen when he watched the show and in real life, but never this close. The city was massive, clinging to the side of an equally humongous mountain, even though a structure of its size should not be able to hang from the side of a mountain without falling down. Being on the bottom of the ship, with its open cargo door, gave them a privileged view of Canterlot during the sunrise.

“Woah.”

“I know, right?” Screwball said, sitting atop his shoulders.

“I think we have thrown enough marbles at the prisoners to relax and watch the city without going crazy.”

“>Implying I go crazy due to chaos deprivation. Implying that’s not just you because draconequi minor are trash.”

“Stop speaking in other colors. You are ruining the moment, /b/tard.”

“Maybe you should make photos, them post them on your instagram and/or facebook.”

Havoc snorted. “Facebook is too mainstream, I use Google+.”

They continued watching the city in content silence for a few minutes, until they noticed a black dot growing larger and acquiring a pony-like shape as it approached them. After a few seconds they realized that it was a changeling flying straight towards them.

“... Are we under attack?” Havoc asked, pointing at the changeling.

“Don’t worry, that’s sir Knightbane,” a guard, who was escorting them so they wouldn’t cause trouble, answered. “Chances are he’s gonna play a song for us.”

Right on cue, music reached Havoc’s ears. “No fucking way,” he said, facepalming. “Screwball, do you know anything about this guy?”

“Nope.”

“You knew his name, right? Who’s him?” he asked the guard.

“Sir Knightbane Demonmare. He was knighted by Celestia herself, after he uncovered a conspiracy to kill Princess Luna.”

“A what?!”

“It’s a long story, but I’m sure he will greatly enjoy telling you everything about it.”

Shrugging in unison, Havoc and Screwball, the music becoming louder as Knightbane approached the ship, only to end as he landed. It was blatantly obvious that he was not a regular changeling. Firstly, he walked on two legs, his body, hands with actual fingers and posture resembling more a human’s than a pony’s. Secondly, he wore a leather jacket and two swords on his belt. Lastly, his height was half of Havoc’s, so he looked like a little kid next to him.

“So you are Havoc!” he exclaimed, buzzing around to get a good sight of him. “Woah, you are huge! And your body parts are original, too. From Luna’s description, I was expecting a chubby Discord.”

“There we go again with the fat jokes,” he sighed. “So are you a changeling or what? You don’t look like the others.”

“Yeah I shapeshifted into something more human-like. It’s way more convenient. Hey! I know you!” he added, pointing at the pony sitting on Havoc’s shoulders. “You are Screwball!”

“Oh, great, you are a goddamn brony,” she groaned. “Stay away from me, will you?”

“So why are your eyes like that? Can you do chaos magic? Are you Discord’s daughter?” he asked in a rapid succession as he soared closer to her.

“The girl said no, mate,” Havoc said, putting his hand on Knightbane’s head and forcing him to land by pushing down. ”Now, are you here to escort the prisoners or something?”

“Actually, yes. We are going straight to the dungeons so I’ll guide you there. Meanwhile you could tell me about you. Is it true that you can shapeshift as much as us changelings?”

“Yes.”

“... Are you not gonna do it for me?”

“No. I’m low on batteries. Maybe later. Now, since you are a brony… How much did you watch of it? In which season are we right now?”

To Havoc’s disappointment, Knightbane had only watched the first three seasons, and the current events were not included in them. They talked about the show and their previous lives for a while, until Havoc grew bored of Knightbane’s ridiculous stories about how he was around 85 years old and a former member of the SCP foundation. Only Screwball, who had turned invisible, found Knightbane’s bullshit amusing; whereas Havoc just tuned the changeling out and focused on the surroundings.

The city was a work of art, every building and ornament creating a wondrous visual spectacle. The only blemish on the city was the downright hostile and disgusted stares some of the ponies, who had gathered to see the infamous diamond dog, gave him. At first he thought they were directed at the prisoners behind him, but after a few minutes he had realized the truth. His train of thought was interrupted by the sound of someone shouting behind him. Turning around, he realized it was the changeling prisoner, who had been sleeping through the whole thing until now.

“Outcast! Traitor! Fight me! I will kill you!” he shouted in a frenzy, staring at Knightbane.

“Sure! Come here and we’ll fight!” Knightbane replied, poking his tongue out.

The changeling’s furious hissing was cut short by Aio, who knocked him out with a kick of his unshackled legs. “Knightbane,” he saluted, curtly nodding.

“Aio,” the changeling replied with the same gesture.

“What was that?” Havoc asked.

“Back when all of this started, we fought together and saved each other a couple of times. We are enemies now, but he’s still right by my book.”

“Huh. You aren’t going to try to set him free, are you?”

“Nope. I told him he was in the wrong, and this is what he gets for going batshit insane and killing ponies like there’s no tomorrow.”

“Well, now that that’s sorted out, let’s keep waving at the relatively happy crowd and walking. By the way, how did a human turned changeling end up becoming a knight under Celestia’s orders? Heh, Knightbane the knight.”

“Well, you see…”

One hour and a half later, when all the prisoners were safely trapped in the dungeons, Knightbane was still halfway through his story about how he impersonated one of the nobles that were planning the whole “let’s kill Luna”. Apparently, the nobles considered her a dangerous creature, who had gotten them into the war with the diamond dogs and was somehow behind Discord, Chrysalis and Sombra. The fact that she had tried to behead some of them due to a long-outlawed rule they had broken shortly after her return did not help.

“I will tell you the rest next time we meet, now you have to go to the palace. Celly wants to meet you.”

“Hm… You gonna guide me there?”

“I will,” John de Lancie’s unfathomably sensual voice said above their heads as Discord appeared out of thin air, making Havoc jump back and shout an obscenity.

“Nice to meet you! See you later!” Knightbane quickly said, flying away as fast as his wings could carry him.

“You can run, but you can’t hide from my payback prank!” Discord shouted. “That human is really something. If only he had been turned into a draconequus, now that would have been fun.”

Screwball jumped from Havoc’s shoulders to Discord, landing with an iron grip on his neck as she became visible again. “Daddy!”

“Not so tight!” he whispered, patting her back until she released him. “My, Screwball, you are a sight for sore eyes. What happened to you? I told you not to interfere in the fighting, yet you almost died last week! Do you have any idea how worried I was? And you haven’t phoned me in ages! What do you have to say for yourself, young miss?”

“I’m sorry. I would have talked to you more often, but this idiot took all the chaos magic for himself and his fights, leaving me with what I needed to survive.”

“Hey! That is only partially true!” Havoc piped in, making Discord remember that he was there.

“I’m afraid this conversation will have to wait, Screwball. Celestia can be such a drama queen regarding punctuality.”

A snap of his fingers created a solid rainbow right in front of them, which acted as an escalator towards Canterlot’s palace. In a matter of minutes, they were walking through the main gate, the guards bowing for Discord.

“You would be surprised how fast they learned to automatically bow instead of pointing weapons at me,” Discord said, chuckling. “Nothing like society to suppress the true nature of the individual.”

“Well society also created the Internet, so both sort of even out.”

“If only ponies were nearly as fun as you humans. Did you know that I spent a couple of years in your world? It was great, but I soon realized that my presence there was meaningless, so I moved here.”

“Woah, how did those poor cavemen react to you?”

“Who said anything about cavemen? I personally met Andy Warhol and partied in Woodstock.”

“Hold on, that was fifty years ago. You were a statue back there!”

Discord patted Havoc’s head. “Don’t think too hard about it. Your mortal mind isn’t equipped to handle concepts such as how space and time really work outside of this extremely simple fourth-dimensional place. Well, Sunbutt is behind this door. Screwball, come with me. You have a lot to explain while the giant marshmallow deals with your friend.”

Havoc took a deep breath as he approached the door. “Hashtag yolo,” he said just before opening it.

He immediately recognised the room: it was the throne room that appeared in the show’s intro, with the stained glass windows and everything. Both Celestia and Luna were sitting on their thrones, their eyes locked on him. He considered turning back and running, but he thought that there was no reason for it. He had fought and risked his life for them, hadn’t he? Surely, Celestia wanted to personally meet him and maybe reward him for his help. With that idea in mind, he walked towards them and kneeled at the base of the stairs leading up to the twin thrones.

“It is an honour to meet you at last, Princess Celestia. And to see you again, Princess Luna.”

“I told you he would behave properly in our presence,” Luna whispered to Celestia, just loud enough for Havoc to hear.

“Welcome to Canterlot, Havoc. You may rise now,” Celestia commanded. “I have been looking forward to this meeting. I have heard a lot about you from many different sources, both good and bad things. However, most of the bad things are minor and completely natural given your nature, such as your love for practical jokes.”

“Even if only a few of them are actually funny,” added Luna.

“At first we considered you a threat, a human maddened by chaos magic who was a danger to everypony, and what you did in Fillydelphia seemed to confirm our fears,” Celestia resumed, levitating . “However, after careful consideration, we think you are not guilty of what happened, since you couldn’t have known that your body would take over and make you kill ponies. Some ponies will disagree, but both of us consider you a victim, not a perpetrator.”

“So now you can forget about going to jail for it,” said Luna.

“With that matter finally solved, we think that you deserve recognition for your efforts in the Gem Fido war, for your help in finally defeating Sombra, and extra-officially for taking down Bruce Mayne and saving the town of Trottingham from his madness,” Celestia paused for a few seconds, as if considering her following words. “We have decided to name you a knight of Equestria. You will be knighted tonight in a ceremony for those who have earned enough merits in the war to deserve a knighthood, and along with your title you will be given a residence here in Canterlot and a weekly wage as long as you remain in Canterlot at least four days per week.”

“I… Uh… Wow. I have no words to express how grateful I am,” he managed to utter, his eyes wide open with surprise.

“Sir Knightbane will lead you to your new property,” Luna said. “Know that you will have some other humans as neighbours, and you will be reprimanded if you misbehave. You will find a set of rules you must follow in addition to the laws that every equestrian citizen must abide by. The details will be explained to you later.”

“Then I am to stay here in Canterlot indefinitely?” he asked, still trying to process what he had been told.

“That would be ideal. Despite how good you might be, your nature is chaotic and dangerous, and you still are a puppet to a mad draconequus. Staying here is the best, both for you and for society.”

“We will consider you if we need someone to handle a situation that requires a large amount of magical power, though.”

“Is that all?”

“Not yet, I still want to know how you defeated the diamond wolf,” Luna eagerly said.

“Well, sure. You see, I was flying over the battlefield, helping wherever the diamond dogs started to gain advantage; when I heard a deafening roar... “ Havoc began. As he narrated his actions, his nervousness faded away, especially when he noticed that both Celestia and Luna seemed to be enjoying his story.

When he was done, Luna got up from her throne. “Follow me, Havoc. My sister has many other duties to attend, and it’s about time I retire to my chambers.”

Luna led Havoc to a balcony from which most of the city could be seen. Knightbane was already on the balcony, waiting for them to arrive. “About time you showed up, it’s boring up here,” he complained.

“Waiting for a few minutes has never killed anypony,” Luna replied. “Now, I have two tasks: one for each of you. Knightbane, your task is to make sure Havoc adapts to life in Canterlot and to keep him away from trouble for a week. Havoc, your task is to keep Knightbane away from trouble for that week. If one of you causes a ruckus, you will both be punished for it. Understood?” They both nodded, slightly afraid after how she had pronounced “punished”.

“Excellent. Now, Knightbane, lead Havoc to his new residence, and make sure he isn’t late for the ceremony!” With that said, she left them alone.

“Fan-fucking-tastic, now I have to babysit you. Not that I don’t like you or anything, it’s just that I would rather not worry about what you are planning to do.”

“I’ll just take it easy for a week. Can’t have them kicking me out after I had to basically win a war for this, right?”

“Sure. Now are those wings just for the looks or can you fly?”

“Fuck Rainbow Dash, I’m the best flier in Equestria.”

“Alright, follow me!” Knightbane said as he jumped off the balcony and flew away at great speed, the buzz of his wings creating music.

Havoc soon caught up with him, so Knightbane described the city as they flew above it. “We are above the noble district right now. All the districts circle the palace, with the noble one being the closest to it. We are going to the end of the circle, where the lower nobles live. After that there’s the district of merchants, bankers and other wealthy ponies, then the middle class residences. Canterlot has no poor residents, since the cost of living here is just too damn high for them. This also means that everypony here is paid more than in other cities to make up for it, so a street cleaner earns here around twice as much as in any other city. Alright, we should reach the place in a minute, get ready to land.”

Unlike the mansions and miniature palaces they had seen just after leaving the princesses’ palace, the house they landed in front of was average-sized. Like most of Canterlot’s buildings, its walls were white and its roof, golden. It had two stories, with large windows on all of its sides. A small lawn with a cobblestone wall almost as tall as a pony standing on his hind legs separated it from the main street, and a slightly curved walk crossed the lawn into the main entrance.

“So, this house is mine now?”

“Yep.”

“As in, mine mine?”

“Well, not really. This house still belongs to the government, they just let you use it for free.”

“Damn it, I could have made so much money renting it and living on the streets.”

“What do you even need money for? Can’t you just magic everything you could ever want into existence?”

“The power of money can do things that magic never could, at least not without resorting to evil practices such as mind control. I would just create bits or gold with magic, but it seems that doing that is exactly the same as printing money on Earth. They even have this spell to check the origin of objects.”

“Well, these are your keys,” Knightbane said as he retrieved them from his jacket and threw them at him.

Havoc tried to catch them but they slipped through his fingers, prompting Knightbane to facepalm. “As soon as you manage to catch the keyring you will notice there’s two keys. One is for the main door and the other is for a large chest that you will find in your bedroom. I’m in a bit of a hurry so I’m leaving you to inspect your place. I’ll be back a couple of minutes before the ceremony to make sure you don’t forget.”

Knightbane took a few steps away, only to suddenly turn around. “Oh! I almost forgot! I have to tell you two more things. First, they have placed all of us humans in this street, so yeah don’t be surprised when they come knocking and asking questions. Second, you are supposed to look after yourself. That includes keeping your house clean and pest-free, cooking whatever you eat and all that stuff. I’m telling you because some of the humans who have ended up here are teenagers who have never even touched a frying pan unless it was in between the doritos and their mouths.”

“Figures. Well, you don’t need to worry about me setting the kitchen on fire or anything. I lived as an unicorn for nearly a year and I managed just fine.”

“Cool. Now I’m gonna leave before Vinyl and Octy complain because I’m late for the threesome.”

“Godspeed mate,” Havoc waved off, only to do a double take when Knightbane was already out of sight. “Wait, what?! … Meh, he was probably lying just like when he said he fought SCP-076 to a standstill.”

Crouching, he picked up the keyring and then walked towards the house. Since it had been built to be used by ponies, he didn’t fit through the door, so he reduced his size to half the usual and then opened the door. A wave of chocolate milk greeted him, throwing him to the ground and soaking him. “OK, this time it’s my fault for not expecting something like this to happen.”

Discord slithered out of the house, singing a familiar song while Screwball played the tune on a digital keyboard. Havoc tried to get up, but the chocolate had turned into a glue that resisted both his physical and magical attempts at escaping, so he had to sit through the whole song.

“Chocolate Rain
History quickly crashing through your veins
Chocolate Rain
Using you to fall back down again,” Discord finished, and the chocolate milk disappeared with a snap of his fingers.

“That was the worst rendition of Chocolate Rain I’ve ever suffered through,” Havoc complained as his ears bled.

“Oh! Pish posh! You know that you loved it, deep down inside! But this is not the reason why I’m here,” he added, his smirk turning into a frown. “Screwball has told me everything. I am very disappointed, Martin Thompson. Not only did you date my daughter without my knowledge and approval, you also put her in risk and nearly managed to get her killed! Show me the weapon that was used against her, I know you took it for yourself.”

When Discord pronounced his real name, Havoc felt cold shivers running up his spine. Shaking, he summoned Infernal Soul and offered it to Discord.

“I’m not touching that, you idiot,” Discord hissed, taking a step back to keep his distance from it. “Do you have any idea what that is?”

“A strong magic weapon?”

“It’s a soul weapon, you idiot. The soul of a living being trapped inside of it empowers it. This one was made by slaying an ursa major, so it has the same potential for destruction.”

“Holy shit.”

“Luckily for everyone, whoever crafted it did a terrible job, so it only has a fraction of the power it should have. Ursii are astral beasts, so their attacks can harm both body and spirit. Your magic can heal the body, but soul mending is way, way beyond your abilities. That’s why both you and Screwball had so much trouble recovering from your injuries. You will probably finish healing after a few weeks. I guess. Maybe. I did cure Screwball but I can’t tamper with you so much without breaking rules and whatnot.”

Havoc held the weapon with even more wariness than before. “Wow. Now this is an improvement over the large dragonbones I’ve been using as weapons.”

“It’s an improvement only if you don’t take into account that you’ll probably kill yourself with that thing, my boy. The infusion of the soul into the metal is delightfully unstable, so that weapon is likely to explode in a burst of soul energy as soon as anything manages to damage it. I wouldn’t like to be around when that happens.”

“Alright, this thing is never leaving my pocket dimension,” Havoc said as he made Infernal Soul disappear.

“If it ever starts shrieking you really should put as much distance as you can between it and everything you hold dear. Now, what was I saying before we got derailed into this?”

“Our affair,” Screwball said.

“Oh, right! Thanks, my dear. Martin ‘Havoc’ Thompson, treat Screwball as she deserves or else I’ll get really mad. Be chaotic, have a lot of fun, and for the love of all things chaos don’t you ever adopt anything. Discord out.”

A beeping noise came out of Discord as his body became black with glowing green “1”s and “0”s, only to dissolve after a few seconds.

Havoc rubbed his temples, then walked into his new house and closed the door “I’m into chaos but this is just too much for me to take.”

“Yeah you are more of a slapstick and violence related chaos guy than a internal turmoil and confusion one.”

“I’m just going to check over this house and then we can go prank ponies or something. Chances are that nobody will bother me for the next few hours if I’m really hard to locate.”

As soon as he said that, he heard knocking on the door. “Screwball, did you do that with magic?”

“You know I didn’t or you would’ve felt it. I do feel something chaotic past that door, though.”

“... I recognise this energy!” he exclaimed as he urgently opened the door. As soon as he did, he was knocked over for a second time, this time by a burst of confetti and balloons. On the doorstep there was a smoking cannon, with a really excited pink pony behind it.

“Did you miss me, Havoc?!” Diane, Pinkie Pie’s last remaining mirror pool copy, asked.

“I can’t even,” he said, not bothering to get up from the floor.