Seeing the Pattern
by Aegis Shield
First published
Using the Pinkie Sense, Pinkamina prevents the deaths of others and cheats fate.
Every night when Pinkie Pie goes to bed, Pinkamina rises. Using the cryptic powers of the Pinkie Sense, she deciphers the clues and goes out to prevent the deaths of others. Meanwhile, the Stallion Lickity Split is developing feelings for Pinkie's darker half, and the Royal Sisters do NOT like Pinkamina messing with fate.
Zecora
Seeing the Pattern
Part 1: Zecora
Pinkie Pie was finally managing to settle down for the day. Sugar Cube Corner had been closed, scrubbed down, and set to rest for the night. The ovens had been lovingly turned off and left to air out. The counters had been cleaned, and all the perishables tucked away. Mr. and Mrs. Cake had gone upstairs to their apartment portion of the store. It was not unusual for ponies to live at their place of work, such as a library or a dress boutique. The Cakes were no different. Pinkie Pie, on the other hand, lived in the basement.
She bounded down the stairs, two by two, until she reached the bottom and closed the door behind her. “Whew, what a day!” she said, flicking her light on and rushing over to flop onto her bed. She went about her usual evening ritual of writing in her diary, brushing her mane, cleaning the barrel of her party cannon, and several other little tasks. She didn’t want to wake the Cakes, so she didn’t play any loud music or anything. It was late, after all, and with the new babies in the family quiet time was certainly appreciated. Pinkie wasn’t family by blood, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake loved her like another daughter, and she knew it.
When Pinkie’s mane was certifiably poofy enough, her cannon clean enough and everything else where it needed to be at the end of the day, she finally pulled herself into bed. It got dark early during that time of year but it just meant more time to rest after a busy, busy day of making confections. Heaving a great, content sigh, she flopped her head back onto her pillow. Tucking herself in with a wide smile, she pulled the little chain on her lamp. Click. Darkness. It was 8:45pm.
=-=-=-=
The clock read 10:17pm when Pinkamina awoke. Her long mane hung like unpleasant, gummy seaweed. Rising up from Pinkie Pie’s bed where her alter ego had fallen asleep, she frowned at herself in the mirror across the way. The scant hours of sleep would have to do for now, Luna knew Pinkie Pie consumed enough sugar to keep them both energized. Cocking her head to one side until a few bones in her neck popped, she tossed the comforter and rose. Running a comb only briefly through her straightened mane, she set it down with a harsh click. Reaching over, behind the vanity mirror’s drawers, she pressed a hidden button. Bzzt.
Pinkie Pie’s corkboard flipped over to reveal a map of the surrounding area, tacks connected by red thread in wild patterns. The posters on her wall seemed to peel down, showing candid pictures of every pony in town, known to Pinkie Pie and otherwise. Some of them had red scribbling around their faces, notes to be remembered. Bars rose up out of the floor to cover both the door and the small basement window near the ceiling. A small but messy desk popped out of a compartment hidden in the wall, positively buried with notes, papers, scribblings and other knick-knacks that told of complex and articulate work. The bed collapsed into itself and a long table emerged in its place, green like a pool table and just as covered with messy writings. Star charts and other astrological scrolls unfurled from their hidden spots in the ceiling, replacing Pinkie’s hanging mobiles and party poppers. It was any conspiracy theorist's wet dream, and more.
Pinkamina snatched up Pinkie Pie’s diary, flipping through that day’s entry. It told of the usual things. Eyeballing the nice stallion on the corner, friendship is magic, such’n’such new pastry recipe, blah-blah-blah… ah, there it was. Pinkie Pie had the very good habit of documenting whenever her Pinkie Sense went off, and what had happened because of it. Pinkamina got a scroll of parchment, scribbling down the list of actions. Placing the diary back on the end table where she’d found it, she went to her work station at the desk.
Sweeping her long mane out of her eyes, she looked at herself in the mirror. While Pinkie ‘slept’, Pinkamina was in charge, and there was much to be done tonight. Two new Pinkie Sense events had occurred in the past few days alone and would need deciphering. Using tacks, she pin-pointed each location where a twitchy-twitch or an itchy nose or a tingly hoof had happened. Finding her spool and thread, she used slow and careful motions to connect them with thin crimson lines. Stepping back a moment, she eyed the new pattern. “See the pattern…” Pinkamina whispered to herself, trying to coax sense out of what she saw. “See the pattern…” she mumbled in a sort of chant. Closing her eyes a moment, she heaved a deep sigh. This month there had been a sixty percent increase in the Pinkie Sense. Some sort of event horizon was approaching. Something was about to happen. Something big.
The map of Ponyville stared at her plainly, perfectly to scale though it had been drawn by hoof to represent a radius big enough to find a pattern. Sure, the Pinkie Sense would deliver little messages like ‘watch for falling objects’ or ‘beware of doors slamming open’, but other times they would elicit more mysterious agendas. Pinkie Pie called them doozies. Pinkamina called them disasters yet to come.
The angrily frowning mare stuffed a stale cracker in her mouth. It was nice to eat something that wouldn’t give her diabetes for once. Salt awakened her tongue and made her senses more acute. Crunching noisily, she engrained the threads and their criss-crossing nature in her mind as she went over to the long table. Unfurling a map of downtown Ponyville, she traced the past couple of doozies with a silent hoof.
An old shop in Ponyville had collapsed on its owner, killing him instantly. The poor bastard’s funeral was held on Hearts and Hooves day, how cruel… Pinkamina squinted to the next doozie. The mysterious Doctor Whooves had lost his wings in a deadly flying accident, blown to the ground by a freak bolt of lightning. He was an earth pony now, by all definitions. Brushing her mane out of her eyes again, she kept searching. An Ursa Minor had been coaxed straight into the middle of town, thankfully quelled by Twilight Sparkle. Some disasters could be averted, it was clear. Pinkamina wanted to spot the next disaster, and then prevent it entirely. Her nightly labors were meant to divine just such information. She reviewed all of the more recent Pinkie Sense events:
1. Twitchy-twitch in front of Rose’s flowershop, while she was pondering the mysterious herbs.
2. Itchy nose in front of the pharmacy, while she was staring at new food colorings.
3. Tingly Hooves at a local bonfire party, as soon as they’d lit the flames.
4. Melty inner thighs at Rarity’s Boutique, after a rack of cloaks had fallen on her by accident.
5. Explosive belching while poised over soup, before eating any, at lunch.
Pinkamina knew each of the corresponding mini-events with each one of those, but all of them were meaningless. The herbs twitchy-twitch meant somepony was pregnant. The pharmacy itch meant that Spike was peeking at something in the romance section of the library. The bonfire party tingly hooves predicted passionate love was about to blossom for somepony. The melty thighs cloak rack had predicted rain. The belching that somepony’s cooking was about to go horribly wrong. None of those events had any correlation or connection. At least, not that Pinkamina could surmise. Growling softly, she traced a shape between each of the locations, trying to divine meaning. The lines, even when drawn in all different patterns, did not do much other than criss-cross over the Everfree Forest.
Pinkamina paced, still reviewing facts and dates and tidbits. Then it struck her! Going back, she rushed one of the first doozies. Big Macintosh, of the Apple family, had nearly been crushed to death by one of his own apple trees. Though his ribcage and massive frame of muscle had saved him from death, he had been in wraps for weeks and weeks. Pinkamina looked at all the Pinkie Sense events before that. Five days… then four… then three… two, one! As a disaster drew closer, its warning signs grew closer together. Allowing herself a rather wretched smile, she rushed to compare time slots. Sure enough.
There would be one sign. Then five days. Then another sign. Then four days. It was a countdown to some form of accident or terrible event, usually with some hint as to the nature of the happening in the signs. Pinkie Pie had serious twitchy-twitch whenever she passed Sweet Apple acres for a bit, then burned any apple pies she tried to make for a bit, then farted explosively when Big Mac had gone by on the street one day… signs were pointing to what was happening.
Rushing back to the most recent set of events, Pinkamina studied them with renewed intensity. What was involved? A flowershop’s herbs. A pharmacy with food coloring, a bonfire, a rack of cloaks, and a soup lunch. The gears in her head strained desperately. That was five signs. Wait, that was all five signs! Something bad was going to happen TONIGHT! Gasping, she looked at the clock. 11:00pm, on the dot. It was like fate was laughing at her right then. Bizarre Pinkie Sense or no, she knew it was true.
“What does it all mean?” she whispered to herself, frowning angrily at the hints laid out before her. “Herbs, coloring, fire, cloaks, and soup.” Pinkamina scrubbed at her mane desperately, then rushed over to the posters where all the pictures of Ponyville’s residents were. “Who is it pointing to? Which one of you?” she stared at each face in turn, trying to make the puzzle pieces fit. Gritting her teeth, she looked over at the clock. 11:10pm. At midnight the time-frame of the disaster would be over, and it would have already occurred. The only reason she knew it had not occurred yet was because Ponyville had not been buzzing about anyone’s death or injury, and in a small town like that it was hard to miss. “See the pattern, Pinkamina Pie!” she roared, glaring at all the pictures, the crimson threads, and the information splayed everywhere around her. A long and angry silence followed. “It’s right there! SEE IT!” she FLUNG the papers to one side, letting them flap hard through the air. Rubbing her temples in a desperate attempt to fight off a headache, she swore to write a note to herself to get some migraine medicine from Zec--!
Pinkamina looked up.
Herbs. Potions. Fire. Soup. Soup on a Fire. Brewing soup on a fire. The pieces suddenly clicked into place, and in the back of her head there was an annoying tune. Pinkie Pie's tune.
She’s an evil enchantress and she does evil dances,
And when you look in her eyes she will put you in trances,
And what will she do, she’ll mix up an evil brew,
And then gobble you up in a big tasty stew, so… watch out.
Pinkie Pie’s song. And… and the first time they’d met Zecora she’d been under a hood and cloak. Gasping in hard realization, she RUSHED back to the map. Even in her crazy scrawling, she’d already confirmed it. All the lines from all the previous locations criss-crossed in the Everfree forest. “Zecora the zebra!” Pinkamina grinned with a sadistic sort of glee. She’d figured it out, at last. Turning quickly to look at the clock, she gave a start. 11:20pm. Time was almost up, and for all she knew the disaster had already happened. GRABBING a saddlebag and throwing it on herself, Pinkamina sprinted, her pink seaweed mane flapping in the wind.
=-=-=-=
Zecora was gasping quietly. She didn’t know what had happened. She’d been mixing a lovely brew there in her little hut, and then she’d… what? Perhaps added the wrong thing to her brew? It was unlike her to stay up so late, but her latest mix had needed full moonlight to stew properly, and her open window had helped usher in the beams. One wrong ingredient was all it took. The explosion had knocked her senseless and it was all she could do to lay there and breathe. She was sprawled her side, surrounded by steadily growing heat. Part of her mane had been singed right off, and she felt a warmth on the side of her face that told of a nasty burn. She was too stunned to move, and the hut was filling with smoke and fire faster than she could have imagined. That was the problem with living in a tree surrounded by wooden masks and potions with volatile ingredients. Very, very flammable.
She tried to sidle towards the exit, but her legs would not obey. It was like a horrible nightmare, where one’s legs became lame while a monster chased you around dark hallways. But this was real, and the flames were growing closer. Zecora whimpered, mumbling nonsense and prayers in her native tongue as she waited for the extremely painful death to claim her. Tears slid from her eyes as black smoke began to find her down on the floor and she coughed, trying to curl up and stay the inevitable.
Suddenly her door was bucked off its hinges, flinging itself across the room and onto Zecora’s burning bed. A straight-maned figure coughed heavily, pushing herself into the burning hut and over to the nearly unconscious zebra. Hacking and swearing, Pinkamina lowered herself to inspect the damage. Ah, she was still alive. Pushing her head rudely under Zecora’s side, she hefted her onto her back. The zebra moaned, incoherent from the smoke and pain.
Pinkamina quickly exited the burning hut, depositing Zecora in the safety of a group of large ferns. Leaning over her, the pink mare angrily worked the zebra’s chest with pressure patterns. One-two-one-two-one-ah, there she was coughing more heartily. Her lungs would clear themselves. She would live. Pinkamina turned towards the burning hut with an angry, determined glare. “Saw you coming, I’m afraid.” Turning quickly, she pulled Pinkie-Pie’s party cannon from her saddlebags. It was a loud, annoying thing, but it would do the trick. She never left home without it, after all. Leaning, Pinkamina fired!
Splat! A pie shot into a window and onto a burning table, the messy innards extinguishing a few flames. She fired again, and a concentrated cloud of confetti melted like cheap plastic over another gathering of flames. She fired again, and the force of a hundred kazoos was enough to shudder the hut to collapse on itself, flames and black smoke curling towards the sky. She fired again, and again, and again. Ridiculous party elements that would do her bidding and soon put the flames out somehow or another. Pinkamina didn’t question the party cannon, or how it was loaded, or how it always seemed to know what it needed to shoot. She only knew it worked, and that her alter ego Pinkie Pie maintained it.
Panting and sweating in exhaustion, the pink mare leaned on the party cannon and studied the scene. Disaster averted. Sighing in genuine relief she returned to the disaster’s victim, Zecora. She was a hard-edged and angry pony, but she allowed herself a small smile at a job well done. Her alter ego Pinkie Pie would be pleased on the morn, no doubt.
Zecora lay there, breathing quietly, stained with soot and with a mild burn on her muzzle. Her eyes fluttered a little, and she squinted up at her savior. “Who is this, with the long straight mane, who saved me from the hungry flame?” even as beaten as she was, she still spoke in couplets. Pinkamina scoffed mentally, but could not bring herself to be angry. Before Zecora’s eyes could truly focus, the pink mare put a heavy and insistent hoof over her eyes. “Whuh?!” Zecora protested, but was too weak to actually shove the hoof away.
Pinkamina didn’t want to be seen. The last thing she needed was somepony, or somezebra, knowing she was more than one mare in one body. When Zecora went slack with exhaustion, Pinkamina snatched up the party cannon and was away. Returning to Ponyville, she skulked through the darker alleys as she made her way back to Sugar Cube Corner. There were other disasters to avert. Other ponies to keep alive. Other patterns to see.
Replacing the party cannon in its normal resting place, Pinkamina collapsed into bed after she’d restored Pinkie Pie’s room to its normal state with the push of a button. When the morning came she would be Pinkie Pie again. Her more innocent persona was not aware of her night time wanderings. But Pinkamina would always be there, trying to read the patterns. The clock read 3:00am.
Pinkie Pie would wake the next morning, wondering why the party cannon was pointing in the opposite way she’d left it, and why she had traces of soot in her coat. Oh well. Time to make cupcakes!
Pinkamina slept within her.
End of Part 1
Lickity Split
Seeing the Pattern
Part 2: Lickity Split
Pinkie Pie bounced along the lane, her saddlebags full of fresh supplies for that week’s work. Carrot cakes had become all the rage lately, and they’d been getting plenty of requests for more. Carrot cakes and banana bread. Though neither were particularly healthy, they did have a healthy food in their names so who knew? The bubblegum-colored baker was there to supply what the sweet-toothed public wanted! Chuckling, she stopped at one last stall to get a hoof-full of carrots and winked playfully at the shopkeeper before turning to go on. She turned, bending her knees to keep bouncing along through the market, and ended up launching herself straight into Lickity Split.
“Ommph!” The stallion fell with a grunt, several bunches of bananas falling out of his saddlebags and mixing with her carrots and bananas. His eyes were in swirls for a moment, until he shook his head. “Oh, sorry about that. I must’ve not been watching where I was going.” He leaned to help Pinkie Pie up, but she’d already launched herself to her feet with a charming giggle.
“Its okay Lickity!” she said, her cheeks a little darker shade of pink. “I was bouncin’ along and didn’t even watch where I was going which I totally should’ve been since I need to get back to Sugar Cube Corner and make some totally—” while her run-on sentence went wayyy past the capacity of any normal pony’s lungs, her eyes were wandering down Lickity Split’s handsome back to study his flank. The cutie mark there was a banana split with a cherry on top, telling of his great work at the ice cream parlor. Sure, it was one street over from Sugar Cube Corner, but it didn’t make him any less handsome. Though the bouncing pink pony would never voice it, she certainly didn’t mind eyeballing the stallion on the street now and then. The wild and rather heat-inducing ambition of ice cream cake boiled up inside Pinkie Pie until she felt something tickling her nose. She blink-blinked and found Lickity Split tickling her nose with the green parts of her own carrots.
“You okay Pinkie?” he asked good-naturedly. “You sort of trailed off there. Do you need help getting back?” he scratched his mint-green mane a little bit, smiling politely. Anypony passerby could cut the rather blatant tension with a rusty ice cream spoon.
“Nope! I’m okay!” said Pinkie Pie quickly, checking herself over for bruises and then getting everything back into her saddlebags. Lickity Split leaned past her head to put her carrots in to, and she caught the quick scent of chilled vanilla off of him. Her tail suddenly EXPLODED into a frizzy shape and she was launched into the air by a nervous reaction!
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Lickity asked rather worriedly.
Pinkie nodded, trying to calm her tail. “That was the Pinkie Sense!” she announced to him with a gabbing smile. “That frizziness explosion means to watch out for falling ice!”
Like any other pony in Ponyville, Lickity Split acknowledged the power of the Pinkie Sense. Although its seemingly random implications meant little until something actually happened, he knew better than to question. “Is it gonna hail later?” he asked, cocking his head skyward. Midsummer didn’t seem the time for such a thing.
“Nope, just that something is gonna fall from somewhere!” she said, turning to skip away down the street. Lickity Split sighed and shook his head as she bounced away. An older mare SMACKED the back of his head when she saw him nodding up and down to watch Pinkie’s backside go up and down. He smiled apologetically, but then went about his business. It would be hours later when he cursed himself in the freezer of his own ice cream parlor, having buried himself in an avalanche of ice cream buckets and shaved ice on accident. The Pinkie Sense was never wrong. Only his hoof stuck out, and he was unmoving.
=-=-=-=
It was 10:00pm. Pinkamina’s eyes snapped open with a certain ferocity. Pinkie Pie had gone to bed early that day, so she felt slightly better than normal. Still grouchy and teeth-grittingly annoyed for no real reason, but better than normal. Pushing her hanging mane behind her ear, she studied Pinkie’s diary. Another Pinkie Sense event had occurred, this time upon scenting Lickity Split’s mane.
Pinkamina frowned severely, flipping the diary back a few pages and cocking her eyebrow. There was a scrawling of some stick ponies here and there, perhaps. Oh yes, there he was. She knew she’d seen the name before. Lickity Split was the stallion Pinkie Pie eyeballed on the street sometimes. She’d even drawn a little picture of his cutie mark in her diary. A banana split with a cherry on top. Pinkamina rolled her eyes. Stallions were few enough as it was in Equestria, surely he could’ve picked something more masculine to— feh, what did it matter? She groaned at the little scrawling at the bottom of the page ‘Pinkie’s Pie + Lickity’s Splits = Ice Cream Cake?’ Pinkamina swore if she ever awoke in the middle of the night with that stallion atop her she’d kick his ass right out through the tiny basement window. Snarling and flipping back to the more recent diary entry, she studied the happenings.
The scent of vanilla had sprung the Pinkie Sense to warn of falling ice. Narrowing her eyes, Pinkamina went to the vanity mirror, found the hidden button and pressed it. Bzzzt. The corkboard on the wall shifted, the bed replaced by a long table, the desk extended, and her posters flipped for photo’s. Everything slid into place until finally her workshop was ready for another night of Pinkie Sense pondering. Scrawling the new event onto a scroll, she frowned dangerously. Five events had happened. Tonight, another disaster would strike. Sighing and hating to do such things at the last minute, she took a brush to her mane as she went over what facts she had in her head.
1. Violently crossing eyes in front of the Ponyville china shop, staring at glass snowflakes.
2. Itchy butt at the small produce section of the market. Cherries, berries, and small fruits.
3. Tingly snout next to a humming air conditioner at town hall.
4. Sudden seven sneezes at the library while staring at a book on the shelf about small businesses.
5. Explosive frizziness after smelling vanilla with Lickity Split the stallion at the market.
Pinkamina sighed. Some of the signs were so similar. Itching a certain spot of the body didn’t seem to hold any context beyond the moment it happened. Last time it had been itchy nose. Growling and scratching out some of her cryptology notes from the last few nights, she returned to her chaos theory. Though Pinkie Pie seemed to have some sort of omniscient knowledge of the smaller events of the Pinkie Sense, only Pinkamina could see the bigger picture. So, they both had opposite problems. Pinkie couldn’t see the forest for the trees, and Pinkamina couldn’t see what kind of trees were in the forest. Or something. She growled again, looking up locations. The five new Pinkie Sense events were all over the place, and didn’t make a criss-cross for a location this time around. It couldn’t be that easy twice, she sighed inwardly. Using the crimson thread, she connected the five locations and stared at them. Perhaps they created some sort of drag-net? That the disaster would happen inside the perimeter of the five forecasting events? It was a thought.
Squinting, Pinkamina crunched on a cracker. She’d finally thought to hide a box of them under the nightstand where Pinkie kept her diary. The pink mare never looked there, so it was a good spot. Salt was nicer than sugar anyway. There had to be some sort of pattern. Training her eyes on the locations, she squinted and slowly went through all of them again. And again. 11:07pm, she didn’t have long. Locations and sometimes objects helped… glass snowflakes, small fruits, air conditioner, small business book, vanilla scent. Or was the trigger Lickity Split himself, and the scent memorable? She didn’t know.
Pinkamina paced, deep in thought. 11:15pm. Working her mind feverishly and rushing the brush through her long mane over and over to give her hooves something to do, she stopped. Wait. The Pinkie Sense was never activated by a pony before. Not so explicitly. Smell or otherwise. The dull pink mare rushed over to her map, glaring for… yes. Lickity Split’s Ice Cream Parlor was within the perimeter of the other five events.
It was a small business. With fruit flavors. With a powerful air conditioner to keep the treats cold. Snowflakes were a… possibility, with a freezer that powerful. And Lickity Split? Or was it the vanilla scent? She couldn’t decide what the fifth sign was. She glanced at the clock. 11:17. It was a shaky theory at best but she didn’t have time to dink around and try to come up with something else. Going with her gut she grabbed her saddlebags and rushed out into the night.
=-=-=-=
Lickity Split lay barely conscious in the freezer, buried beneath hundreds of pounds of frozen treats and shaved ice. If ever there were an ironic death situation, this had to be it. Killed by his own product. He’d lost feeling in his legs, nose, and ears long ago. Was he going to get frostbite? He didn’t know. He wasn’t strong enough to move the pounds and pounds of delicious ice cream buckets, the hill of shaved ice, and the blocks of snowy treats. He was literally pinned, crushed beneath the very products he used to bring joy to others. He sighed, shivering and whimpering quietly. Why hadn’t anyone come looking? His store was still open, and none had come looking? What if they’d made off with what ice cream he had in the display, that was hundreds of lost bits! Then again, what time was it? He didn’t know. His mind was… ohh, just slowing down, he was so very sleepy. But if he fell asleep he might not wake up again. But, he didn’t feel as cold as he did before, he just wanted to… just a short nap, he decided. His eyes started to slide closed, his breath a quiet foggy huff from his nostrils.
The door of the freezer burst open and Pinkamina shuddered inside. “I thought so.” She said, using her shoulder and shoving a good deal of the weight off of the fallen stallion. Snorting steam and grunting with effort, she shuddered as she mare-handled the shaved ice mounds off of him. Using her hooves, she dug him out as best she could. He had shifted from his normal off-white to a rather sickly, shivering grey. His eyes were closed. Was she too late!? Gasping, she thrust her ear down upon him. His heart was still beating. Turning, she kicked the freezer door open and dragged him out with all her strength. Despite being a simple ice cream parlor owner, he was actually quite well built. And heavy.
She didn’t have the strength to drag him to the hospital, nor did she want to be discovered doing what she was doing. Pinkamina wouldn’t be able to explain to anypony how she knew to go look for Lickity Split in his own freezer in the dead of night. Though the Pinkie Sense was openly acknowledged, divining disasters with it would be something else entirely. Nopony could see the future. Well, almost nopony, Pinkamina thought as she grinned wryly.
Her brow lowered into a frowny growling expression, and she stared at the limp stallion. What could she possibly do with him? This was not like Zecora. He would not thaw on his own accord. Sighing, she studied the ice cream parlor. Most ponies lived at their place of work, so…ah, there. There was a door leading into a backroom. Pinkamina discovered a sitting room, a tiny personal kitchen, bathroom, and so on. She dragged him inside, then came back to the front of the parlor to hit the lights, lock the doors and pull the shutters. No witnesses to this madness.
Lickity Split lay sprawled out on the cold wooden floor, shivering violently and unconscious. Though his body worked hard to keep him alive and warm, at least in his chest area, the rest would sacrifice itself to aid the vital organs. Pinkamina was not a nurse, but she knew how dangerous hypothermia and other cold-related injuries were. She peered about, then saw he had a fireplace. Thick smoke from a chimney in the dead of summer would draw attention. No doubt his winter blankets and such were tucked away in some obscure corner of his attic. She saw a clock on the wall. 11:50pm. He would die before midnight if she did nothing.
Sighing, she gritted her teeth and gulped a little. She’d set out to prevent a death or disaster, and it wasn’t finished yet. Pulling the limp stallion up onto his own couch, she pulled the quilt that was on the couch’s back up and around herself like a shawl. Then she laid on him. His fur and body were chilled and she shuddered, trying not to look at him. She shivered and stared out the window for a long time. Then at the artwork on his walls. Then she counted the tiles in the ceiling and wondered why his ceiling fan had three blades instead of five. Then, the scent of vanilla wafted up into her muzzle. She looked down at him with a furrowed brow. He really did smell like vanilla. What a feminine scent for a stallion to have, pffft! She found herself rubbing at the base of his mane, hoping to help the circulation or something.
Color was slowly returning to his cheeks. The presence of another warm body was certainly helping a lot. In some dark corner of Pinkamina’s mind, she understood why Pinkie Pie found this stallion so attractive. She didn’t care for him, personally, but he was not exactly ugly or anything. He didn’t stink of sweat like Big Macintosh, or seemingly disappear at random like Dr. Whooves. He seemed normal and honest enough. He gave a quiet moan, and Pinkamina pressed him down again so he wouldn’t wiggle under her. Sighing grumpily, she returned her gaze to the clock after a time. 12:13. She let out a long and relieved sigh. Disaster averted.
Lickity Split stirred a little, groaning and his eyes fluttering. What was that sugary scent, that warmth pressed up against him? Somepony… laying on him…? “Who—?” There was a flash of movement and his window was blown open from the inside by an unseen force. A black shape leapt out into the night. The stallion lay there, confused and mostly thawed from his icy tomb. The straight-maned Pinkamina pressed herself into an alley, watching Lickity Split come to the window and peer out eagerly. He didn’t see her pressed into shadow. She held her breath until he closed the window again. Disaster averted.
She returned to Sugar Cube Corner in a huff, locking her door behind her and restoring the room to Pinkie Pie’s normal gay colors of celebration. Flopping down on the bed, exhausted, Pinkamina treated herself to another cracker. Brushing her mane behind her ears again, she allowed herself a small smile before sleep took her. The next morning, Pinkie Pie awoke having no idea why her fur had the distant smell of vanilla to it. Odd! Oh well. Time to make some carrot cakes and banana bread!
End of Part 2
Bon-Bon
Seeing the Pattern
Part 3: Bon-Bon
Pinkamina awoke in a puddle of her own drool. The later afternoon sun warmed her wonderfully where she sat on a stool by a counter. Anger flared up inside her and she slowly lifted her head, wiping her mouth. Pinkie Pie had gone to sleep in the middle of the day, now their sleeping pattern would be thrown off! Snarling wordlessly, she peered around with sharp, hawkish eyes. Sugar Cube Corner’s kitchen greeted her. There were thirteen minutes left on the timer next to her, and all of their massive ovens were occupied. A brief check foretold the ten thousandth batch of cupcakes and other confections. The thought of the tiny pastries turned Pinkamina’s stomach, and she rolled her eyes. Snorting hot air from her muzzle, she snapped the last oven shut and moved to the next room. “Miss Cake.” She said with an even tone.
The lack of enthusiasm drew a cautious response from the dumpy mare. “Yes, Pinkie?”
Pinkamina put on a halfway-pleasant face. “I… need to have the rest of the afternoon off. I’m—” Sick? No, she lived in the basement and she wanted to go out. Running errands? For whom, other than Sugar Cube Corner? “S—seeing somepony today.” She said with a bucket of lying acid dribbled on top.
Miss Cake stared at Pinkie. “You are?” The straight-maned mare looked so odd with her face in such an odd, contorted expression of effort. To be quite honest she looked constipated. The elder mare cocked her head, and Pinkamina’s half-smile slowly turned stony and darker. It was a mean face. “Er, sure Pinkie Pie. You’ve not asked for a personal day in a long time. I’m sure we can do well without you for the afternoon.” She smiled awkwardly. Pinkamina started for the door in a straight line, holding her nose up just a little. Her dull pink coat looked-- strange. When had she started fixing her mane that way? It looked like sickly seaweed, at the whim of gravity.
Mr. Cake almost ran over Pinkie Pie when he came in the door with a stack of boxes on his back. “Whoop! Sorry there, Pinkie!” he said, scooting to try and make room for her. Holding the door like a gentlecolt, he frowned when she walked past him without a single word. “Huh, wonder if something’s wrong.” He said to her back. Pinkamina rounded on him with a black expression. Mr. Cake startled a little, and there was a dark silence between them. He gulped, lowering himself a little and walking backward into Sugar Cube Corner. When the door jingled shut behind him, he shuddered. “Must be her time of the month or something.” He speculated, turning around just in time to run into his frowny-faced wife. He gulped again. Mr. Cake spent that night on the couch for his comment.
Pinkamina wasn’t used to the daytime anymore. There were many ponies going about their daily lives, paying her no heed. It was claustrophobic. She was used to having the streets mostly to herself. Casting her gaze around, she tried to make a plan. Maybe she should go running and exhaust Pinkie Pie, so she would sleep at the proper hours this night. Then the stutter in her schedule would be ironed out.
“Hey Pinkie!” Twilight Sparkle, weighed down on both sides of her body with bulging saddlebags. “I’m headed to Zecora’s place to help with her new hut decorations. Wanna come with me?” she cocked her head, knowing the Pinkie Pie would instantly agree and insist on throwing a brand-new-house-hooray party. The zebra’s hut had been rebuilt over the past couple of weeks thanks to the love and support of half of Ponyville. They loved their strange, foreign friend very much and insisted on rebuilding her new place right where the old one was (with some fire safety equipment on hoof, of course). There was an awkward silence between the pink mare and the lavender one.
“No.” said Pinkamina in an even voice that made Twilight’s ears turn back a little. The last thing Pinkamina needed to do was go back to the scene of one of her disaster aversions. If Zecora got even a short look at her mane like this, she might put two and two together. “Tell her I said hello, though.” There was no love or joy in the sentence, similar to that of Rainbow Dash’s reading-aloud voice. Strained and awkward.
“Uh, well okay then.” Twilight said carefully, eyeing Pinkamina with a raised brow. With that, the purple unicorn turned and started down the street again, towards Zecora’s. She’d be so delighted to get all the wonderful books she’d picked out! The library had multiple copies of some things and she could donate them for Zecora’s new home effort.
Pinkamina jeered, watching her go. Brainless lavender librarian. “Hey Pinkie Pie!” Lickity Split had appeared behind her and to her right. She jumped, choking on her own spit with dilated pupils. Hunching a little, she turned her head and glared murderously at him. “Wh-sorry I didn’t mean to startle you.” He said, leaning back and lifting a hoof in case he needed to run very suddenly. “I just uhm… uhm…” his face turned a little pink, and he smiled awkwardly. She stared at him. “Saw you there and wanted to say hello.”
“Hello.” Said Pinkamina carefully, trying to ignore the waft of vanilla on the breeze. Stallions had no business smelling that good. Pfft. Her straight mane flapped in the breeze a little.
“I love what you’ve done with your mane.” Lickity Split tried again, trying to smile but rapidly failing under Pinkamina’s glare. “It looks like silky pink taffy!” he complimented brightly.
“I hate taffy.” said Pinkamina frownily before turning and cantering away. His face fell.
“Ouch.” Said a mare from a picnic table nearby, smiling sympathetically.
Lickity Split ignored her, trying not to think of the taffy-flavored ice cream sample in his saddle bag. The one he’d brought for Pinkie Pie. He’d made it himself, thinking of her. A little red in the face and defeated, he let his head hang. Sighing, he turned and walked away, kicking a little stone on the sidewalk. It was some time later before it occurred to him that Pinkie Pie worked in a bakery. Of course she wouldn’t be eager for more sweets while out on the street. Stupid!
About an hour later, Pinkamina was at a resturaunt, still thinking on what to do with the blasted day. She got several orders of fries, salted them down, and then put a big blob of ketchup on her plate. It was ironic because fries were made with salt, she’d put salt on them, and there was salt in the ketchup. Anything to get the eternal taste of sugar out of her mouth, even if only for a few minutes. She sat there chewing idly and staring at nothing with an unpleasant scowl on her face.
The darker half of Pinkie Pie knew she didn’t wake unless a disaster was near. But why had she awakened in the middle of the day? Yes, her other half had fallen asleep on the job, but not every nap or sleep cycle conjured her into consciousness. There had to be a reason. There was always a reason. A pattern to follow. She suddenly rolled her eyes. Well of course. It meant there was a disaster that was going to happen in the day time. Not all disasters were so close to midnight, like the last few. She allowed herself a rather dangerous smile, and a waiter that happened to be looking her way saw it and shuddered. Stuffing another hoof-full of fries in her mouth she rose, leaving her payment on the table and cantering away with renewed gusto.
She passed by shops as she cantered forward, feeling a little better. She had purpose now. Pinkamina passed Couches and Quills, Armchairs and Kitchen Knives, even Boutique Magnifique. She didn’t really need anything, but it was ideal to scan the town for potential disasters. She couldn’t go back to Sugar Cube Corner, she’d just left.
All of her evidence couldn’t be examined. The scent of vanilla distracted her while she tried to remember it all. There was a reaction when Pinkie had been fishing in a utensils drawer at Sugar Cube Corner. A knife maybe? Then there was… something… at the candy shop? Pinkie Pie had stopped to get Sweetie Bell a little box of candies for acing a big test at school one day, after she’d struggled and studied so hard. Something about the candies… Pinkamina let out an exasperated groan, scrubbing at her mane in frustration, just as Rarity came around the corner and almost ran into her. “Oh! Sorry darling!” she said with an apologetic smile.
“S’okay.” Said Pinkamina dismissively.
“I was just on my way to—” Rarity started to explain, but Pinkamina had already walked past her and around the corner. “Well then!” she huffed, turning her nose up. “Somepony’s having a bad day!”
Pinkamina stepped into the alleyway, then behind some trashcans. A tall shadow followed her, and she pressed herself into the darkness. The scent of vanilla became stronger and she POUNCED on none other than Lickity Split! ”Why’re you following me?!” she demanded with a great scowl.
“C-cuz I like you!” the stallion blurted, red-faced and trying to look determined. It was that half-angry-very-embarrassed look that some stallions got when they’d been fed up with something and were nervously confronting their fear. Pinkamina knew such faces. After feeling sorry for himself for a bit, Lickity Split had figured that the best thing to do was to just out and confess. Skip all the drama of beating around the bush. “I like you! Please date me!” it was the most forced, forward, blunt thing Pinkamina had ever heard in her life. She stared at him for a long moment, trying to figure out if he was being serious.
The hard-hearted pony threw her head back in a cruel, resounding laugh that scared a few small animals out the alley. She shoved him roughly away with a snort. “I don’t think so.” She cocked her head at him and scowled, recalling a line from a book Twilight Sparkle had once shown her (trying to impart romance novels upon the pink mare to get her into reading too. Rainbow had been successful, why not Pinkie Pie?). She recited from the book that had been pressed under her nose one day. “My heart falls asleep at the end of the day.” There was a long silence and the two of them stared at each other. A phantom breeze pressed her mane to one side, then gravity tugged it back down.
“What…?” Lickity Split said from where he was propped oddly against the wall.
“I’m not the dating sort.” She said with an angry frown, stalking past him. “Stop following me, or I’ll buck you into next Tuesday.” Pinkamina promised pain. He winced, looking embarrassed and following after her. “I SAID~!”
“It’s a dead end alley!” he defended quickly when she coiled up to hit him in the face. Lickity Split leaned backwards a little while she checked over his shoulder suspiciously. Wall. She glared at him with lidded eyes. Her hoof SNAPPED up, between his eyes and not quite touching his nose. She walked backwards slowly out the alley, hoof held out in warning. Lickity Split did not move, only looked at her pathetically. She snorted, huffing her mane out of her eyes and then turning the corner to be away from him.
He stood there, rejected and sad, confidence blown.
Pinkamina started down the street, rolling her eyes. Trying to get the scent of vanilla out of her nose, she stopped briefly in a scented candle store. She bought a candle that was supposed to smell like sea salt breeze. Sticking her nose into it, she whiffed a few times. Close enough, she decided. Paying for it, she came out with it in her saddlebags. The impulse buy made her feel a little better, and she stopped when she saw how dark the horizon was for mid-day. There was a nasty-looking storm coming. She could see the bare specks of weather pegasi flying furiously back and forth to coax the great thing along.
“Hey Pinkie Pie!” Rainbow Dash descended from on high. “You better batton down the hatches, we’ve got a doozy set up for today! Its gonna be a huge windstorm to make up for the last two that got back-logged!”
The blue mare suddenly whinnied, rearing hard when Pinkamina’s body exploded into spasmic twitches. “Hey! HEY! Are you having a seizure!?” Rainbow Dash called, leaning over her. “Somepony help!” Pinkamina’s body convulsed powerfully, and she gave an audible whimper. “She’s freakin’ out!” The pink mare’s legs all bicycle’d helplessly, and then her attack stopped as suddenly as it had begun. She stood up at last, flustered and a little shaken. Ponies had gathered around, staring in concern.
“I-I-I’m fine!” she said with a little more force than needed. “It was just… the Pinkie Sense!” she said after a slight hesitation.
“What’s gonna happen, Pinkie?” Rainbow Dash said with big eyes.
“Uhh… lot of water!” Pinkamina said quickly. The crowd deflated.
“Oh, Pinkie! We know that! Sheesh!” Rainbow Dash shook her head and, once sure her friend was okay, took to the skies. “I’ll see you later!” she called over her shoulder, leaving a rainbow streak in the air behind herself.
Pinkamina clutched her chest when the crowd had disappated. A Pinkie Sense event had happened to HER! That had never happened before! She didn’t know what to do! She had to write it down. No. She couldn’t go back to Sugar Cube Corner until the afternoon was over. She tried to memorize instead. Her body had gone spastic when… Rainbow had mentioned the storm? Or when she’d seen it in the distance. “Doozy…” she mumbled, then her face lit up. “Doozy! Rainbow Dash said doozy!” The key word had invoked some reaction in the Pinkie Sense and… set Pinkamina off? It didn’t make any sense. Pinkamina had never experienced the Pinkie Sense for herself. She cocked her head in thought. Why didn’t she know what the twitching had meant? Pinkie Pie always knew exactly what each item was pertaining too. She thought hard. Nothing came to mind. She growled, stomping down the street.
“Pinkie, are you okay?” Lickity had reappeared, for he’d not gone far when he’d seen the whole thing. “I’m sorry to bother you again but… that was kind’a scary!” he said.
“No, no I’m not!” she said over her shoulder at him, glaring a firestorm that made him lean back and lift a hoof defensively. The wind-storm was starting. The signs hanging outside the shops flapped back and forth in the wind. “And you need to stop following me!” she exploded, pressing her face into his. He retreated backward, terrified of her wrath very suddenly. For a pony that was known to defy logic, mood, and even gravity, she was stubbornly angry and directed at him. It made him very squirmy. Who knew what she was capable of! Backing up and trying not to rear or whinny in fear, Lickity Split retreated. “Didn’t I tell you plainly enough!?” she roared, pressing him back and back past shop after shop, yelling at him angrily. Ponies stopped to stare. “I’m under ENOUGH stress right now and I don’t need some vanilla-smelling, treat-making, sugar-slopping--!”
CHING!
There was a blood-curdling scream, and both ponies looked across the street. Bon-Bon lay strewn unconscious on the sidewalk, pale as a sheet. Directly in front of her was the knife from the Armchairs and Knives shop sign. The knife had been metallic and quite real (“The sign’s gotta be real, or its false advertising! Sharpen it too!” the manager had said years ago). The massive utensil had buried itself deep into the sidewalk. Lyra stood there, eyes wide and pupils dilated. Then she screamed too, throwing herself over Bon-Bon and trying to shake her awake with tears in her lidded eyes. Bon-Bon was passed out, but otherwise unharmed.
“Oh my Celestia!” Lickity Split gasped. “That could’ve taken her head off!” he pointed with a hoof. “The wind blew it off the sign, wow!”
Lyra suddenly waved at the pair from across the street. “Thank you! Thank you!” she cried as tears leapt from her face because of the wind. “If we hadn’t stopped to stare at your fighting, Bon-Bon would be--!” She lost her head entirely and flung herself upon her limp marefriend, weeping. (Bon-Bon would wake hours later with a tear-streaked pelt and tons of kisses upon her face. Much lovemaking would be had that night.)
Pinkamina stared with wide eyes. A death had been prevented. A sudden smile split her face. For some reason it terrified Lickity Split far more than her shouting and dark frowns. The pieces fell into place before her eyes. Something had arranged for Lickity to bother her today, since she’d not had access to all her Pinkie Sense evidence. He’d been the instrument of kharma and a preventer of fate! She looked across the street as Lyra struggled to get the unconscious Bon-Bon onto her back. Still very upset, she’d turned around and was making her way for their apartment home.
The wind was really picking up. Uncomfortably so. Lickity looked into the sky with a grim expression. “Could be a tornado or something on the way.” He said. “The weather pegasi have been giving warnings for a few days now.” Pinkamina wouldn’t have heard any, she’d not been awake in a few weeks. Suddenly a brick pitched itself out of nearby building and exploded into pieces at her hooves. She whinnied ferally, rearing up with a panicked expression. “WHOA!” Lickity said, for suddenly somepony had turned up the wind. Their manes flapped like flags. “C’mon! We haft’a get inside!” He rudely grabbed Pinkamina by the shoulder, steering her down the street. They arrived at his ice cream parlor, and the stallion struggled to get the glass door shut. Bolting it, he looked out briefly. Everypony was running, panicking, taking shelter. “This way!” he took her further as the wind howled and shrieked outside, picking up anything that was not nailed down and making off with it. Bricks, tree-limbs, dog houses, even things as large as pumpkins right out of pony gardens. Pinkamina gave a shriek when a large stone exploded through a window, blasting its way into one of the ice cream freezers like a comet of death. Lickity pitched himself over her like a turtle shell and he shimmied with her to his private residence in the back of the shop. “This way, this way!” he shouted over the aching groans the building was threatening them with. “The closet is aligned with the bathroom, it’s safest!” he opened it and stuffed Pinkamina inside, then crowded in with her while slamming it shut.
They huffed and puffed in absolute darkness. The pink mare glared at blackness, listening to the howling storm outside. They flinched when another foreign object blasted into the room through a window and shattered itself upon Lickity’s coffee table. It was by instinct that he grabbed her up, hunching over her protectively. She let him. If a pitchfork or something sharp came flying into the closet door it would kill him first and—oh, there was that scent again. Pinkamina’s eyes went just a little bit soft when her muzzle was pressed into his mint green mane. Vanilla. She shuddered just a little and he stuttered quiet apologies for mare-handling her into such a tiny space. There was a long, tense silence while they listened to the storm pitch and rage outside. “Got any chips?” Pinkamina asked rather flatly.
“Wh-what?” he asked to the darkness. Their noses were almost pressed together.
“Got any chips? I’m craving salt.” She told him.
For some reason, this made Lickity burst into giggles. They shifted awkwardly, pressed together in the pipe-insulated closet. He apologized again and again, then finally shifted properly. It felt like coats all around them. Coats and boots and a few other odds and ends. “I wonder if I could… ah, there it is!” he reared up and she almost got a very awkward face full of— he came down again, something in his teeth. It was hard to see in the darkness. There were some scraping sounds, and he struck a match. They were illuminated, and stared at each other for a bit.
“Gimmie one.” Pinkamina rudely took the box, shuffling a bit. “There.” She struck one, lighting her sea salt breeze candle. The tiny closet was lit with a wavering flame. The storm crashed something against Lickity’s roof, and they both flinched again. What was going on out there, a tornado?! The pink mare reminded herself to growl at Rainbow Dash about the weather pegasi going overboard. Now she was stuck in a closet, under a powerful storm, with a stupid stallion that smelled like vanilla, in the dark. Almost in the dark. He could’ve smelled worse. Meh!
Lickity tried to give Pinkamina a little more room, but the space was quite cramped and they could not help but share some of the same space. There, by candlelight, they stared at each other for a long time. He smiled rather goofily at her, red in the cheeks. She knew that goofy look. She’d seen other stallions make it at their marefriends and very special someponies.
“Don’t.” Pinkamina said rather sternly, looking to one side with a flap of her limp mane.
“What?” he asked, perking his ears.
“Look at me like that.” She shifted a little, uncomfortably pressing her mane behind her ear.
“Why not? You’re beautifu--!” just then a four by four of wood blasted into the closet between them, kissing the stallion over the face and knocking him right out! The spray of wood chips made the mare cough. The bruise on his face was exquisite. Pinkamina stared, terrified into silence for a long moment, slack-jawed. That could’ve easily taken either of their heads off. Fate, it seemed, was not without a sense of humor. She checked him. He was alive, just knocked out. She found herself smiling just a little. Pushing the wooden bit out of the door and out the other side, she pulled Lickity’s head to her breast with both hooves.
“Because my heart falls asleep at the end of the day, stupid stallion. Pinkie Pie is the one you love. She’s the one you want.” She said with a somber, angry frown. She pressed her muzzle into his mane while she stroked it gently. Cramped into the tiny space, there wasn’t much else to do other than keep the candle from setting fire to his coats. Vanilla. Stupid, stupid stallion.
When Lickity Split woke the next morning he was one of many ponies at a recovery tent in the middle of town. His head was bandaged, but Pinkamina was gone. Strangely, somepony had left a half-eaten bag of potato chips next to his bed.
End of Part 3
Applebloom
Seeing the Pattern
Part 4: Applebloom
Pinkamina was pushing a geode with her muzzle, grunting lightly as she pushed it along into a little rock pile she’d been making. Farming rocks sure was hard work for a little filly like her! Pushing her stringy mane behind her ear, she peered across the field. Her two sisters were working the cart and would soon come to collect her little pile as well.
No, silly. They didn’t grow rocks. That would be stupid. The habit of the Pie family was to buy a plot of land, flatten it, clean it of wild debris like rocks, and then sell it to a nearby farm or budding farm family. The gems, geodes, and anything else of mild value would be kept, and the family often made a healthy little bundle from each sale. The only problem was, when a piece of land was finally farmable, the family would pack up and move on.
Pinkamina sighed miserably. She hated rock farming. She hated moving so often. She never had any friends that she could really cling to because they just kept going away within a year’s time or so. She could never put down any sort of roots. Her only friends were her sisters, and they were as delightfully dull as the rocks they herded about on the ground. Her brow lowered into an often-worn foul expression of frustration. Her sisters said it made her look like their father.
The little pink filly sighed again, wandering about to find another round-ish rock to push with her poor face. How would she ever grow up to be an attractive mare this way? Her head would look like a rock at this rate! Not that she’d ever meet a nice colt moving around all the time. In fact, she—what was that sound? Pinkamina looked up, blink-blinking as a powerful wind pressed against her nose. It carried with it the smell of rain-pregnant wind, of rushing victory and of--!
SHK-BOOOOOOOOOM!
Pinkamina was struck by every color of the rainbow all at the same time! The shockwave of Celestia-knew-what blasted across the rock-field, blowing her mane back. The whole sky was a disk-shaped rainbow! She whinny-screamed ferally, rearing up as her skull vibrated and threatened to shatter into brain matter. She tumbled end over end as debris and earth pressed away in the same direction while tears went back the sides of her face. Pressed to the ground and holding on with her tiny hooves she was concussed with magic, light of all colors, and thunder without sound. Rattled down to her very soul she screamed and saw red as her tear ducts bled onto her face. Her ears suddenly refused her sound. Blasted into deafness she teetered, vomited into a ditch next to her and collapsed onto her side, gasping for air. The rushing wind was suddenly done and her mane rushed forward again, sticking in all directions like cotton candy.
She didn’t feel so good— she could hear a giggly filly’s voice in her head, and she wasn’t just imagining it. Oh Celestia, she felt like she was dying. She didn’t want to die. She had to… had to… sleep. She fell face-first into the dirt as an electric energy began to fill her body. A sort of hyper-activeness that came from a pony of vast enthusiasm. It was not Pinkamina, it was—!
Pinkie Pie sat up with a cry, peering around her room. What had she been dreaming? Was it a nightmare? She didn’t remember, the waking world had already erased it from her memory. Scratching her head a little soberly, she bounced out of her bed and went about her morning routine. Heaving a big breath, she opened her door and went upstairs to greet the new day. “Ah, Pinkie Pie, you’re up!” Mrs. Pie said, her dumpy cheeks lifting to show off a charming smile. “There’s somepony been waiting for you this morning.” She lifted one eyebrow a couple of times, which made Pinkie Pie cock her head.
“For me?” Pinkie said, coming close while Mrs. Cake gestured. Going to the kitchen door, they pushed it open just a little. There in the front part of the shop was Mr. Cake and the stallion Lickity Split. He was politely bent, looking at the display case while Mr. Cake lectured him on the fine art of small pastry making. “Oooh…” Pinkie Pie said, her eyes lighting up and her cheeks darkening a little.
“I knew something was up the moment he said he’d wait twenty minutes for you to come upstairs this morning.” Mrs. Cake said wisely. “Now.” She pulled Pinkie close to herself conspiratorially. “Is that the stallion you went out to see the other day? Who’s he-eee…?” she drew it out like they were college dorm room sisters or something.
Pinkie Pie’s face colored a little more darkly and she giggled, springing out of the neck-hold with enough elastitic to launch her briefly into the air. “Oh-h I’m not seeing him! That’s Lickity Split!” she said, grinning widely and cantering out to see him. “Lickity!” she announced herself, springing right over Mr. Cake and over the counter in one jump. “Hi there!”
“Oh hi, Pinkamina! Good morning!” Lickity said, leaning back and lifting a hoof a little defensively. She cocked her head. He was so formal calling her by her full name, bizarre— and how come his head was wrapped like that?
Oh right, the tornado a week or so ago. That had been a doozy! Or so she’d been told. Pinkie Pie had no memory of that day. It must’ve been nap time for her or something, she’d woken up in her bed the next morning with no inkling of the disaster until she’d stepped outside to see clean-up crews everywhere. Thankfully no buildings had been lost, just lots and lots of windows and doors. “What’cha up to, huh?” she pranced about him, jumping about. Boing. Boing. Boing. He watched her with a confused expression.
“Uhh, are you okay?” Lickity Split wanted to know, watching her go up and down. “And what happened to your mane? You changed it back.”
“What do you mean? My mane is always like this!” Pinkie Pie stopped to examine the poofy-ness of her cotton candy pink mane. “It’s like fluffy taffy cotton candy, huh? I love cotton candy flavored taffy don’t you?”
He affixed her with a startled expression, then glanced at Mr. and Mrs. Cake, who were pretending to not be listening intently. “Right…” he said slowly. “Uh-well, I brought you something.” He steered the conversation a little bit, trying not to wonder at her odd behavior. “Here.” He turned his head to poke around in his saddlebags for a moment, then produced a bag of name-brand potato chips. He set it on the floor, then nudged it at her with a bit of color in his cheeks. “You uh… I know you like salty chips.” He said a little bashfully, kicking at the tile a little.
Pinkie Pie stopped a moment, tilting her head a little too far to one side for what her spinal cord should’ve allowed. Mr. and Mrs. Cake exchanged a confused expression. “Chips?” she said with a genuine raised eyebrow. “I’m er…” she saw his hopeful look and gave him a lidded smile, eyebrows bunched in an upward fashion. “Oh, thank you!” she said with half-enthusiasm, taking the corner of the bag in her teeth and trotting to set it on the counter. She and Mrs. Cake locked eyes, exchanged completely confused looks, and Pinkie Pie was beaming again when she turned about. “That’s super nice of you to think of me, Lickity!” she bounded forward again to be near to him.
Lickity Split smiled super-broadly, ears perking. She sure was acting oddly today, but at least she liked his little gift. “W-well that was it, I just wanted to say hullo and give you that and be on my way I guess, hahaha…!” his fake laughter trailed off and he was backing away slowly.
“Gotta go?” Pinkie Pie said, sidling forward and not-so-subtly trying to catch his vanilla scent before he went. She loved that sweet smell he gave off, it reminded her of all sorts of wonderful things. “Aww, you should swing by again sometime. Its super nice of you to bring me a snack! I’m not that into salt, but it’s the thought that counts right Mrs. Cake?” she called over her shoulder.
“Right!” The dumpy mare said from behind the counter. Everyone in the room was confused for all different reasons. Other than Mr. Cake, of course. He had no inkling of what was going on. Lickity smiled rather awkwardly and then turned to go. The bell above the door tinkled, and he was gone. “Well that was… odd.” Mrs. Cake said, looking at Pinkie Pie with a concerned face.
“Yeah. Huh.” Pinkie Pie thought. “I guess maybe he thought I’d have a snack attack today?” she came to the counter to paw at the bag of salty chips a little. Such a specific gift for a stallion to just suddenly barge in to bring.
“Well if he’s bringin’ you junk food he MUST like you!” Mr. Cake chuckled. Both mares gave him a look and he shrank back into the kitchen so they could mare-talk. “Just a thought…” he said meekly before the door swung shut.
“What do you think Mrs. Cake?” Pinkie Pie bounded over the counter again with a spring.
“Maybe he thinks you’re really skinny?” she was turning the bag over like it was a foreign object. The chips were name-brand, not diet, no nutritional value, and had enough sodium in them to give a weaker animal a heart attack. “These aren’t exactly good for you…” it was big talk coming from a rather round mare who spent her days making cakes and pies, but she had a point.
“I GOT A GIFT FROM LICKITY SPLIT!” Pinkie Pie exploded suddenly, laughing wildly and unable to contain herself anymore. “The stallion from the corner! Lickity Split! I just like saying his name! Lickity Split! Lickity Split! Lickity—!” Mrs. Cake caught the bouncing mare by her muzzle. Rambling Pinkie Pie was a weaponize-able force to be reckoned with. Best to stop it before she got out of control. The pink mare smiled apologetically, trying to calm down. Mrs. Cake lowered her hoof slowly. “But you know what this means right? He’s… he’s…”
“Interested.” Mrs. Cake smiled adoringly at Pinkie Pie, who beamed at her energetically and nodded. Ah, to be young and in love. It made the middle-aged mare smile warmly as her little worker bounced back and forth in jubilation. The stallion she’d mentioned more than a few times, bringing gifts right into Sugar Cube Corner-- he must’ve been a bold one! No wonder Pinkie Pie liked him. Though it was the first time Mrs. Cake had ever seen the stallion, she could certainly agree he was handsome and not lacking in the charm department. The two mares giggled and chatted excitedly for the whole day while poor Mr. Cake was left in the kitchen to work the orders.
=-=-=-=
Applebloom screamed and whinnied while the barn started to come down around her. She’d just been working on her cutie mark with her wood-carving knife and one of the support beams. You never know, she could’ve gotten a woodcarving cutie mark! She didn’t expect the weight of the entire barn to come crashing down on her, though, when she widdled away at just one of them. She’d just been doing a few stars and designs. How was she supposed to know termites had been eating the inside of the beam the whole time?!
Just then a figure blasted out of the night at warp-speed, wings flaring brightly in the moonlight. The blur of motion caught the wailing, paralyzed filly so hard she almost got whiplash. She was gripped in a pair of powerful hooves and mooshed against a furry chest while they flew through the air. At the end of the arc of movement, having never been more than a few feet off the ground, Applebloom and her savior tumbled along the ground in a wad of arms and legs. As soon as they landed, hard as it was, the pony took off running through the thicket.
Applebloom lay on her back, stunned, and then winced when she heard the barn collapse into itself like a cataclysmic bomb had gone off. The explosion of dust and splintered wood was impressive. “Applejack’s gonna kill me…” she murmured, slowly sitting up and holding her head. When she could see straight again, she spoke, “Thank you kindly! Ah could’a been a pony pancake iff’n you hadn’t—!” There was nopony around. “Hello? Somepony?” she looked around, but there was nopony about to speak to. Where had her savior gone. She lifted one hoof, a little worried, until the massive sounds of Big Macintosh hooves could be heard thundering her way. “Ah am so gunna catch it now.” She wilted as Big Mac and Applejack emerged from the darkness, having bolted from the house and all the way out there.
“Applebloom!” Applejack shrieked, looking at the filly and then the destroyed barn. “What did you do?! What were you thinking?! You could’a killed yerself!” it was a long lecture that lasted much of the night, only occasionally helped by rather angry looks from the stoic red stallion next to her. (To tell the honest truth Big Macintosh’s silent angry face hurt a lot worse to the little filly than Applejack’s shouting marathon)
Some distance away in the thicket, there was a figure and a smoking party cannon. Pinkamina groaned, rubbing her side a little. She’d landed badly with the filly in tow. “Just in time, once again.” She said, panting. Gritting her teeth, she ripped the wings off of her sides. They were fake, just twigs and leaves. She’d put the disguise together for just such an occasion that allowed for speed and darkness. Applebloom would no doubt report that she’d been saved by a mysterious pegasus, not an earth pony like herself. Flawless. She smirked just a little, then heaved a tired sigh. Picking up the party cannon, not questioning how it was so light and durable, she thrust it into her saddlebags. (She also didn’t question why it fit there. It just did. Pinkie Pie’s things didn’t have to obey physics, and the sooner she’d accepted that, the sooner she’d just been able to get over it.) Making sure once more that Applebloom was getting an ear full for her shenanigans from her elder siblings, she nodded to herself. Disaster averted. She chose to leave before Big Mac put the filly over his foreleg to spank her.
Feeling rather grand for such a flawless run this time around, Pinkamina was grinning her wicked grin as she cantered down the streets of Ponyville. Others would hear of the barn collapse tomorrow, for it was late at night right now. So, for the moment, she had the peacefulness of the cool night. She stopped and gazed up at Luna’s moon. She’d done good. She deserved a rewa— she saw Lickity Split on the corner having just closed up his shop to go out for a bit, staring at her. “Speak of the devil.” She smirked to herself, eyeing him like a human eyes a fresh, steamy cheeseburger.
“Uhh, hey Pinkamina.” Lickity said cautiously. He eyed her mane, and then her chilling smile. “How are you tonight?” he gulped a little when she opened her saddlebag, plopped down next to him and fished out her first salt chip. Crunch crunch crunch. “Like those, do you?” he ventured with a little smile.
“Yeah, thanks.” Pinkamina said. “You still smell like a mare, by the way.” She abused him just a little, smirking at him sideways. He smiled apologetically, then chuckled a little. She was just playing with him, he could tell now. Her subtleties took some getting used to. “I guess that’s working around all that ice cream all day, huh?”
Lickity nodded some, smiling. He ventured to steal a chip from her bag and she leaned away. He gave her a look and she rolled her eyes with a smirk, tilting the bag his way. He finally got a hoof-full. Crunch crunch crunch. “I never got to thank you for taking me to that rescue tent.” He said a little bashfully.
“You gave me chips. We’re even.” Pinkamina said, waving her hoof at him a little.
The stallion tried not to wince at the fact that she'd just compared the value of his life to a bag of chips. “No really. I could’a been left in that closet forever!” Lickity saw her face contort like he’d just scrapped his hooves on a chalkboard. She hated that word so, so much. “That’s where I hide from bad storms and stuff, it would’ve taken ages for anypony to come find me!” he said, leaning so she’d look at him.
“What is it with you and almost getting killed in small rooms?” Pinkamina chided him.
“What?” his ears perked. The pink mare jolted. Pony-feathers! “Was that you some weeks ago, in the freezer?” Lickity looked at her with raised eyebrows and a shocked, gaping mouth.
“Er-YEAH! That would’ve been embarrassing to die curled up in a CLOSET! Real stupid!” she said loudly, crunching her next chip extra-extra loud to distract him. His face fell. It wasn’t her after all?
Lickity crunched his next potato chip with a muted crunching, looking over at her carefully. Slowly, things began to click into place for him. Not the whole picture, but a few more details about the pink mare were slipping into his grasp. Turning a little, he cocked his head at her. “Spend a lot of nights out alone, Pinkamina? You seemed pretty cheery at Sugar Cube Corner this morning.”
“Well that was this morning. This is now. It’s quieter at night.” Pinkamina said snottily, turning her muzzle up at him. She crunched another chip while he surveyed her closely, not looking at him. Then, when she chanced a glance she caught him staring at her flank. “Hey now!” she said, standing and swinging her backside away and out of view. “Don’t get any ideas, vanilla pony!” she snapped.
“I was just thinking how different you are, swinging back and forth.” Lickity said in earnest, looking at her. “During the day, and then at night.” He stared at her a little suspiciously. She tried not to gulp audibly. “It’s like you’re two different ponies with the same cutie mark. So strange…” he mumbled, looking into her eyes. She leaned back and frowned, lifting a hoof like she might strike him if he got too close. His eyes lidded into a dreamy expression that made lots of red flags in Pinkamina’s mind go off. “I like both of them.” He leaned suddenly and kissed her hard.
“Mmmph?!” Pinkamina’s pupils shrank into tiny dots and the bag of chips hit the curb with a crunch. She tried to back away, but he followed her forward. Their muzzles pressed together he tilted his head just a bit to adjust himself. Her mind raced in ten thousand directions, heart racing. She cuffed him with an angry hoof on the side of his face where the four by four had struck him. He whimpered mildly, but didn’t break the kiss. Her hoof didn’t leave his face. Stupid vanilla-smelling, chip-bearing stallion! She rubbed at his jaw-line greedily, a rush of feral hormones coming over her. Kissing, to her, was like tossing a canteen to a pony lost in a desert. She’d been parched for male attention and now suddenly there it was. Pinkamina fought it, didn’t like it-? Wanted it! Yes wanted it, poured herself into it. She SLAMMED him into the glass door of his own ice cream shop, kissing him like an angry, greedy animal. She’d saved a filly from being crushed to death by launching herself out of a cannon, she deserved a Faust-damned reward! Their tongues danced hotly, furiously, until they were both panting against each other and their chests heaving. The glass squeeeeeeaked as he was pressed to one side until he grunted onto his back on the sidewalk with her atop him. Her mane hung down like a curtain over his face, and his burly moans pleased her. The hot, sloppy sounds of their kissing was loud and erotic. He was all hers to do with as she pleased, the poor sucker.
“Oh good grief, get a room you two!” Somepony walked by on the other side of the street, rolling her eyes. “At least not on the sidewalk!”
The spell of want broke, and Pinkamina LEAPT off of Lickity Split in an icy wave of realization and horror. What had she been doing?! She rubbed her muzzle wildly, her brow lowering into a murderous glare. “Never kiss me like that again!” she snarled, spitting and going over to snatch her potato chip bag. She stuffed herself, crunching wildly as though to get the taste of him out of her mouth.
Lickity lay there panting and staring at her. She glared back. Slowly he got to his hooves with a confused grunt. She’d been so into it until they were interrupted! “But we—!”
“B-but we nothing!” Pinkamina suddenly pelted him with the bag, then turned and bolted down the street like the dogs of Tartarus were on her heels. She clenched her teeth, pink-seaweed mane flapping wildly in the night.
Lickity had never been so confused. He stood there panting, lost in a mild haze of happy hormones and with a mild arousal on his brain (as well as other parts). She wanted him, then she didn’t, then she was happy and bouncy, then moody and dominant. Then when they kissed, she said never to kiss her that way again. What did she want?! He frowned in frustration, then his face lit up again. “Never kiss me like that again…” He mumbled. “I’ll have to think of another way to kiss you, then.” His cheeks colored a pleasant, happy pink. The stallion picked up the destroyed bag of chips in his teeth, tossing them into a nearby waste bin.
End of Part 4
Big Macintosh
Seeing the Pattern
Part 5: Big Macintosh
Princesses Luna and Celestia shared breakfast in what was known as the white room of the palace. Its archways were high, its ivory walls pristine, and the beautiful balcony provided a beautiful view of the valley beyond Canterlot. It was one of the few times of day both princess could share a private time together, as sisters.
“You seem troubled, Luna.” Celestia said gently, sipping her tea while gently nudging the sun from the horizon. Luna appeared to be surveying her bowl of rice oats and sugar a little too closely. While the princess of the night looked like a blot of dark ink in the white room and it made her no less beautiful, a line of worry had formed itself on her brow.
Luna yawned a little, then looked across the table at her. Her night had just ended, but she did need to speak with her sister before retiring for the dawn. “Something is a bit off, and it troubles us, sister.” She said, poking at her breakfast (dinner?) a little. “It prickles our mane and draws our eye to Ponyville.”
“What’s wrong with Ponyville?” Celestia turned her head to look out of the balcony windows. Out in the valley below, the sleepy little town sat like a content dot on the line of the horizon. Though Canterlot was her home and the capital, the princess of the day cared very much for the town where her prized student and her friends dwelled.
“Something is…” Luna made a circular motion with a hoof a few times, delicately trying to find the right words to explain. “Something is tugging on the fabrics of fate.” She said. Flicking her gaze at the four private guards present, two solar and two lunar stallions, she had to remind herself they were sworn to silence on pain of gelding (that is, losing what made them stallions) if they repeated private conversations like this one. The dark princess leaned forward with a concerned expression. “Deaths, sister. Ponyville has missed at least four deaths in the past few months. Maybe more.” She said with a low voice.
Celestia blinked a little, sipped her tea once more, then lowered the cup for a slightly more serious tone. “Missed? How?” Both sisters barely spoke of such high-concept things like fate, destiny, and the fabrics of reality. They were goddess-oriented things that would only worry the average pony. But now and then, something went wrong and the sisters had to work together in order to smooth out the proverbial wrinkles.
“Something is diverting fate from its normal course.” Luna said with a furrowed brow, stirring her breakfast a little. “We have been able to sense four deaths that should have occurred, but have not.” She made a mild gesture, like a weather pony showing off how interesting his storm map was.
“Deaths are prevented every day, Luna.” Celestia said gently, smiling in a stoic way.
“No no, not these.” Luna shook her head. “These were deeply rooted in karma.” Karma was probably the closest material-plane word that the goddess’ could use. The tapestry or reality had been carefully weaved, giving all ponies an equal chance at life as well as death. If somepony was due to die, it was through no fault of their own, it was simply their karma having run out. “We think there is somepony divining the fate of others and then actively circumventing their demises.”
Celestia frowned rather openly, a strange expression for the sun goddess. The closest she had come was a neutral line for the past decade or so. But a full-on frown was worrisome indeed, for the guards looked away with a shudder. “Nopony is allowed to know the future, though. One would need to predict events before they happened if what you say is true.” The sun goddess said gently.
“Indeed.” said Luna mildly, sipping her own tea. “Now and then, when we hang the stars in the sky, we can see a nexus of threads leaning towards Ponyville. Its only mild, but it may turn into a knot sooner or later.” Referring to reality like a fabric was, again, the simplest way to put it. But, putting a knot in the fabric of fate, destiny, and karma was a serious thing indeed. The entire universe could be thrown off if a pony didn’t die when they were supposed to, as dictated by their destiny. One’s destiny was not set in stone, but it had a general direction. To upset it entirely was dangerous.
Both goddesses looked at each other, then out at Ponyville. Celestia gave a quiet sigh. It was no secret that, as princess of the night, Luna had a special set of things to deal with. Death, fertility, fate, the night sky, among other things. They’d divided the job of running Equestria ages ago. “What do you suggest?” Celestia referred to her sister, for death and fate were her territory since she’d returned from the moon.
“We shall go to Ponyville in the night when we feel just such another tug on fate's strings.” Luna said with a firm nod, referring to only herself of course. “There, from shadow, we shall investigate and see if anypony is doing anything suspicious. If we can identify our fortune-teller then we can stop him or her.” She clopped her hoof on the table rather roughly, and all four guards flinched. How unlike a princess to speak of eliminating somepony!
“Well,” Celestia said with a patient smile. “Perhaps just make him or her see reason, and then strip said divining powers?” Luna nodded thoughtfully at her words. It would not do her dark reputation much good to schedule the first execution in almost a century. Ponies might be upset. The princess of the night nodded her assent, though she seriously doubted anypony that could read the future so accurately would willingly give up a power like that. She would no doubt need to use force.
=-=-=-=
“Lickity Split!” Pinkie Pie called, bouncing down the street towards him.
The stallion looked over his shoulder worriedly. She was in primpy, fuzzy, hyper-happy mode today. Cocking his head he shuddered. He liked the moody, dominant, straight-maned version more. He said he liked both, but further exposure had made him lean towards the other. “Oh uh… hey, Pinkamina.” Lickity said with a smile. “How’re you?”
“So formal with me, hee hee! Well I just saw you on the street here and thought I’d pop over and say hello and see what you were up to you’re usually running the ice cream parlor until after dark it must be a really popular—” Pinkie Pie had already gone way beyond the lung capacity of a normal pony with her run-on sentence, and the poor stallion’s mind was starting to glaze over like a sugar coma. He shook his head quickly and gave her a look. “What?” she smiled good-naturedly.
“Listen, I uhm…” his face dipped a few shades darker in the cheeks. “I’m sorry about yesterday, if I made you uncomfortable or anything.” He hadn’t been able to help himself, he’d just WANTED her mouth on his right in that moment. “I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
Pinkie Pie cocked her head. “Ohh, you silly!” she giggled, bounding forward until they were almost nose to nose. The happy scent of vanilla wafted under her muzzle and she smiled. “It means a lot that you thought enough of me to do that!” she was of course referring to the bag of chips from yesterday morning, but he didn’t know that.
“R-really?”
“Oh yeah! It was really sweet of you!” she crossed one hoof over the other in a shy expression.
“Y-you think so?” he brightened, smiling and eyes shining. “Oh gosh, that makes me feel so much better!” he confessed, sagging down like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “I was so worried I’d upset you!”
“Well, it was unusual, yeah. Not the sort of thing I’m usually into.” Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes in a knowing way. Surely every pony knew she liked sweets, not salts. At least sweets gave you energy, salts would eventually just work against your body and make you even more unhealthy. Though… the bag of chips had disappeared overnight, so who knew what was going on there.
“Not the sort of thing…?” Lickity wildly wondered if Pinkamina was more into mares than stallions. It wasn’t unheard of. After all, ninety percent of the equestrian population was female so it was only natural to find a companion of the same gender.
“But coming from you it was extra special. Thank you!” Pinkie Pie said with a big smile, bouncing up and down a bit. “It meant a lot I think!” It was awkward, praising him over a sudden bag of chips. But, the mare certainly liked the attention from her secret crush and she wasn’t about to let him go around thinking she didn’t like his odd gift.
“It meant a lot to me too…” Lickity’s eyes glazed into a dreamy expression, and his cheeks colored a little more. “W-well, I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you later. Maybe tonight.” He turned before he made any more of a foal out of himself, cantering away and waving over his shoulder at her. Pinkie Pie smiled with glee. What a hunk! What a stallion! Mmm, ice cream cake would be niiiice...
=-=-=-=
Pinkamina was an earth pony, and therefore much stronger than unicorns or pegasi. Not as strong as her farm-working aquantence Applejack, but still quite strong. It was hard to believe her back legs could stop a whole taxi cart full of tourists. But right now Pinkamina was just trying to stop a cart with one pony in it. “Faust-damn it, Big Macintosh!” the growled, sweat beading down her brow and through her mane.
The massive stallion had fallen asleep WALKING down a trail after a long, hard day of selling apples in the mid-day sun. The heat-induced fever and poor luncheon had caused him to sleep-walk, and he had sleep-walked right off of a cliff in the park. Pinkamina had caught him just as his weight had shifted off the edge, propping herself against the cart with all her might. She couldn’t shift the stallion’s direction, he was far too strong, so instead she went for the cart.
“You’re! Gonna! Die! At this rate!” the pink mare tried to shout to him, but his eyes were weighted with heat exhaustion and odd dreams of Cheerilee. There was no waking him. Even though his legs were walking on air and he was almost literally hanging by his neck, the yoke held him to the cart itself and properly donning it meant that all of his massive weight was in his shoulders. It would’ve been quite ironic if Pinkamina had helped him hang himself, but it wasn’t the case. “Guhhh! I can’t hold you!” the incline was too steep, the cart and stallion too heavy, and she was giving out at this rate. Who knew how long she’d been holding him there, right on the cliff’s edge. She’d been shouting for help, but the effort always made her slide forward just a smidgen, and she could no longer afford it. “If I die with you I swear to Faust I’ll haunt your whole Faust-damned family! BOTH of me!” she swore at him again, edging further and further towards the cliff’s horizon point. Whimpering with effort while she dripped with sweat, she almost didn’t hear somepony shouting down at her.
“Pinkamina!” a stallion was rushing down the hill. He’d seen her bright pink body in the moonlight, and then the horrible situation at the cliff’s edge. “Hang on! I’m comin’!” he skidded it a halt. Lickity Split! “I was out looking for you and–!”
“THIS IS HEAVY!” she roared at him rudely. He rushed forward, putting his shoulder against the cart. Big Macintosh’s legs slowly bicycled in the open air while he remained blissfully asleep. Their combined strength brought him back from oblivion, and with a final shove they pushed the cart on its side. Big Macintosh went down hard, but didn’t wake. “Whew…” Pinkamina said with a wipe of her brow. She lay there on her back, panting, until he leaned over her. Straight-maned. The version he liked. He split into a grin, and she turned her head to one side with a flap of her mane. “What— are you— looking at?” she panted.
“You.” He smiled, bringing her to her hooves again with some help. Her burning lungs and tired muscles didn’t let her protest to all the physical contact. She leaned on him. “That was very brave, Pinkamina.” He whispered, looking at Big Mac. “I can’t imagine what would’ve happened to the Apple family if they’d lost Big Macintosh.”
“A funeral I imagine. And half the mares in town would turn homosexual.” Pinkamina snorted, eyeing the massive red stallion on the ground. Even now he was merrily cantering somewhere with Cheerilee in his dreams. He would wake on the morn, confused no doubt. “He’s probably the reason half the town has any straight mares anymore.” Her comment was mean, jaded, but probably true at its core. Lickity Split smiled lopsidedly.
“What about you?” he teased a little. She shot him a look. The adrenaline rush of the cart on the cliff, as well as the thrill of victory over fate, had brought a flush to her cheeks. “Without Big Macintosh around to show the mares what a real stallion looks like, would you have— OW!” she’d cuffed him in his sore cheek again. “Why do you keep hitting me there?!” he whined, holding the tender spot. Pressing him to a nearby tree with an aggressive thrust of her hoof, Pinkamina treated herself to some stupid stallion. He was delightfully submissive, murring quietly under her dominant lips. She was abusive, but he liked the abuse. It was kind of cute in its own way.
“You talk too much.” She panted between heady kisses. “Just shut up.”
“Sorry.” He said huskily, wrapping a hoof slowly around her neck to pull her to him. Her scent was entoxicating, her touch like a heady fire. He wanted her, wanted her so much. This dark and dominant Pinkamina was exciting, confident, strong, he wanted more and more. “I just—!”
Thunder erupted across the sky, startling them both. Lightning brilliantly lit the town, sending a great shadow over both of them. Both ponies turned, gasping at the tall figure there. “So it is you, pink one, twisting the strands of fate. I should have suspected.” Princess Luna stood there on the cliff with them. She surveyed the scene, including the pitched over cart and the sleeping Big Macintosh.
Lickity Split threw himself onto his belly, deep in a bow that almost pressed his face into the grass. The princess! The princess herself had appeared in Ponyville?! Why? How? What could she be doing there in the middle of the night? Trembling at her powerful presence, he squeezed his eyes shut for he could not look upon her without breaking into gasping sobs. Like so many other ponies, he feared her more than death itself.
Pinkamina wiped her muzzle slowly, an icy realization coming over her. She was so busted. By royalty, no less. “It is me.” She said carefully. “You interrupted my… treat.” The pink mare walked from under the tree and into the light, sprinkling rain. She stood before her princess, then bowed as was expected. Unlike Lickity Split, however, she rose to her hooves again and looked her in the eye. Bold.
Princess Luna surveyed her. “Coitous Interruptus is not our concern, strange one.” Her wings flapped dominantly open, displaying their full span. “You know not what you do.”
Pinkamina’s face turned scarlet. She’d had no intention of letting things get that far, was she crazy? She decided to let it slide off of her like rain, and not be baited. “Well, I was kissing him for the moment. Moving further than that is probably out of the question right now. It’s raining out here.” Pinkamina said smoothly. Luna’s eyes narrowed into a dangerous sort of anger that sent a shudder down the pink mare’s spine. She stood stalwart, and they frowned at each other grimly.
“YOU KNOW OF WHAT WE SPEAK!” the Royal Canterlot Voice boomed, making Pinkamina’s mane flap wildly in the concussive force it made. “THY MEDDLING HS PREVENTED THE TIMELY DEATHS OF OTHERS, AND YOUR FORESIGHT IS CAUSING DAMAGE TO THE FABRICS OF FATE!” she boomed. Lickity Split started visibly shaking, barely comprehending the actual words. Pinkamina winced, not happy he was there to witness what was being said.
“What would you have me do?” Pinkamina growled openly at the goddess. “Wait and knowingly let them each die? When I have the power to prevent it?” she leaned forward aggressively, unable to stop herself. She had no chance at all if things came to blows, but she would not be known for having presented her neck to the chopping block.
“My sister thought perhaps you might be reasoned with.” Luna’s wingspan lowered just a little and she growled back. They were almost forehead to forehead, if not for the princess’ massive horn. “So we shall give you the chance to do just that! Just one!” she raised an accusing hoof. “I have no doubt you will divine the next death Ponyville is due for. When you do, you will let it pass uninterrupted! If you do not—” Lightning exploded across the sky as Luna’s wings lifted her into the air. “We shall return for you! And when that happens, YOUR death will pay the backlog for all the ones you prevented!” The goddess damned her with only a couple of sentences before rising into the sky, riding the thermals on high like the black spirit alicorn she was. She was gone in seconds. The storm followed her away, riding the goddess’ anger.
Pinkamina let out a long-held breath. She turned and saw Lickity Split staring at her in disbelief. She winced a little, then turned to go. “Wait.” He called, getting to his hooves and grabbing her tail. She glared murder over her shoulder, but he didn’t release her. “That’s what this is all about isn’t it? It WAS you in the freezer the other night. And there with Bon-Bon, and now Big Mac?” he asked softly, looking shocked as the puzzle pieces fit into place. “You’ve been preventing deaths around Ponyville, because you know about them a little beforehand?”
There was a long silence and the pink mare stared at him with angry eyes, dark circles under them. Pinkamina had not been sleeping well for a long, long time. “If only by a few minutes.” She said at last, sighing and stopping her tugging. “I see the pattern. Death has a pattern.” She lowered her head until her mane hung low, casting shadows over her face. “Always… always a pattern.” She said quietly, shuddering.
Lickity Split went to her, closing his eyes and exploring under her mane with his muzzle. She allowed him to nuzzle her face, and she shuddered. Quietly, she leaned into him, faceless behind a curtain of stringy pink hair. He didn’t speak, thankfully, but slowly began to walk her home. (Big Macintosh would wake with a nasty cold in the morning, having been briefly soaked in the rain and left to sleep on the cool ground all night.)
By the time they’d arrived at Sugar Cube Corner, not a word had been exchanged. Lickity had figured almost everything out about the entire situation. Pinkamina could somehow divine the deaths of others, then went out at night to prevent them. This had drawn the gaze of Princess Luna, guardian of fate and destiny and death. She didn’t like it when mortal ponies messed with fate, clearly. “Come in with me.” Pinkamina said under her mane, slipping the key into the door and stepping into the shop. He hesitated in the doorway, but she’d left it open so he had to go in to lock the door behind her. She trailed slowly downstairs, head hanging low. Lickity Split tried to understand what it would be like to be told by a GOD not to help others, but he couldn’t fathom it. “I don’t wanna be alone tonight.” Pinkamina whispered when they’d come to her room. “Stay with me? Just for tonight?” she said quietly. He shut the door of her room, knowing what she meant.
The rest of that night was salt, sweat, and quiet shrieking. But even while her magnificent stallion was moving furiously within her, Pinkamina could not help but have the itchy-twitchy feeling that the next death in Ponyville might be her own.
End of Part 5
Lickity Split Redux
Seeing the Pattern
Part 6: Lickity Split Redux
Lickity Split awoke with the warm, dull ache of post-mounting bliss. He was sore and still pretty frumpy in certain spots. His mane was disheveled, his mouth affixed in a rather content smile, and his muzzle pressed into a frizzy pink mane. Lifting his head slightly, he looked down at Pinkie Pie. Huh. Maybe her mane was fluffy like that from tossing and turning all night, and she styled it to hang limply when she took the time to? It would explain her strange mane day in and day out. He smiled lovingly, leaning down and nuzzling his lover. “Good morning, Pinkamina…” he whispered a little gutterally. His throat was sore from… well, last night’s activities. The pink mare, facing away from him in the way they’d spooned at the night’s end, gave a noticeable flinch. “Shh-shh, it’s just me…”
Pinkie Pie’s eyes had shot open when the unfamiliar feeling of nuzzling had awoken her. Something warm and hard was pressed up against her back… The barrel-chest of a stallion, you pervert, not THAT. She looked down at her chest to see one of his hooves draped around her. Pinkie’s eyes slowly got wider and wider as her pupils turned into tiny pinpricks. Her mouth slowly came open into a silent expression of panic. Freezing in place, she just couldn’t get her body to do anything for the moment.
“Mhmhm, it’s me. Promise.” Lickity Split said, leaning and rather romantically chewing on one of her ears. He may as well have pulled the string on a party popper. Pinkie Pie hit the ceiling with a screech of terror, bounced across the room like a super ball, then VANISHED into her own mirror like it was made of water! Lickity sat bolt up, staring in confusion. He shuddered at the lack of mare in the room, looking back and forth.
Pinkie Pie suddenly POPPED up in the mirror again, this time with her party cannon on her shoulder like a bazooka. “What’choo-doing-in-my-room?!” she demanded so quickly he could barely understand her. “Speak-or-be-cannon’d!” it was like a high pitched typewriter and it sent his ears into a confused panic.
“How did you get in the mirror?!” he said in horror, for suddenly the boundaries of reality and physics had been blown wide open for him. They stared at each other with the same expression for a long time. “Pinkamina what’s—?!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Pinkie Pie opened fire like a screaming action movie stallion! A hailstorm of party supplies blasted out of the cannon, out of the mirror, across the room, and right into Lickity Split. The poor stallion didn’t even have time to scream before he was clobbered by a series of gifts, slapped around by streamers, then tied into a thousand multi-colored ribbons! Mummified until only his frightened eyes were showing, he teetered on the spot until he fell off the bed and to the floor with a painful bump. The pink mare kept the party cannon trained on her opponent, panting like she was having an attack of some sort. Veins in her eyes she leapt out of the mirror, bending the rules of reality in a kaleidoscope of chaos. Still pointing her shoulder-handled weapon at him, she circled the room slowly.
The room had the rather guilty musk of passion to it. The sheets were rumpled and stained in a few small places. A picture frame had fallen from the nightstand, having struck a strange package of crackers she’d never seen before. She checked the window. Then the door. The door was locked. Finally, when she was sure that the strange stallion was going nowhere, Pinkie Pie checked herself. She whimpered a little. He’d taken advantage of her in her sleep! Her pupils dilated in panic and tears rushed up into her eyes. “Nuh! NUH!” she couldn’t even get a scream out for a few moments. When she finally did, the sonic blast of panicked-mare-sound sent a shockwave through the three story building that was Sugar Cube Corner. The building shuddered on its foundations.
It took all of four seconds for Mr. and Mrs. Cake to come thundering down the stairs. When the door wouldn’t give, Mr. Cake’s adrenaline helped him buck the door down off its hinges. They rushed into the room, and their muzzle’s wrinkled at the smell of the place. They saw Pinkie Pie with the party cannon, the tied-up stallion cocoon, the rumpled bed, everything. The pink mare suddenly dropped her strange weapon, burst into sobs and rushed into Mrs. Cake’s arms.
=-=-=-=
A very confused, very bruised up Lickity Split hung upside down from a street lamp. The disorientation and blood rushing to his head didn’t help. He let out a muffled cry when Rainbow Dash turned in mid-air to buck him for the sixteenth time. “Mrrrm-hrm-hrm-hrmmmm!” he tried to cry for mercy, but the layers and layers of party ribbon wouldn’t allow it.
“You can shut the buck up, you sicko!” Rainbow said, angry tears in her eyes. “I get to hover here and do whatever I want with you until the royal guards come to pick your sorry hide up!” she turned and did it again, and he came very close to passing out. The pain was too intense. He would no doubt have hoof-shaped bruises all over his body.
The gathered crowd glared murder at the ribbon-cocooned stallion. How could Lickity Split have done such a thing, taking advantage of a poor mare like Pinkie Pie? The light of their lives, the bouncy party pony, who brought joy and laughter to everyone around her? He had to be a certain shade of evil to do such a thing! In a small town like Ponyville, word had traveled fast and it hadn’t taken Rainbow Dash long to get ahold of the confused stallion and start beating him into a pulp. Nopony stopped her.
The only reason the crowd hadn’t strung him up entirely yet was because Twilight Sparkle had written a letter to Princess Celestia, promising solar stallion guards to pick the criminal up. The answer had come pretty quickly, and Twilight had come back to report a group of said guards were coming to take him away.
Lickity Split peered around in pain and confusion. What was going on?! Why had Pinkamina reacted so violently?! Why was he being beaten and treated like a rapist! It was consensual! It was! She’d invited him in! He couldn’t tell anypony this under the layers and layers of ribbons that entrapped him, though. The defenses of the party cannon were impossible to break free from and the—URGH! Another angry buck caught Lickity in the belly and his eyes began to roll into his head from the agony.
“That’s enough, Rainbow Dash.” Applejack said darkly from the crowd below. “Ain’t no sense in him bein’ unconscious when the guards get here. They’ll want him alert when they throw him in a dungeon or somethin’, ah wager.” The angry cyan mare landed hard, snorting steam from her muzzle. “Right now Pinkie Pie needs us around.” They cantered quickly back into the Sugar Cube Corner bakery, where the others of the mane six had gathered. The crowd stayed, as though to make sure the rapist wouldn’t squirm away somehow when nopony was looking. Angry murmurs filled the street-corner.
Inside Sugar Cube Corner, Fluttershy had taken point and was cradling the weeping Pinkie Pie for the moment. Twilight Sparkle stood silent as the grave at the window, eyes trained towards Canterlot and occasionally over to the dangling stallion. Her face was a hardened mask. Rarity was stroking Pinkie Pie’s mane over and over, having not found a single comforting thing to say since she arrived. Rainbow Dash came at last, nuzzling Pinkie gingerly. Applejack looked at Fluttershy, hoping for any reported change. But no, nothing was different. It didn’t take an animal expert to know what had happened. They were only thankful that Pinkie Pie’s party cannon obeyed her whims and was able to capture her assailant. Now he would face justice. The obvious question, beyond why and such, was how Pinkie had seemingly slept through the entire assault. Though none of them dared ask it aloud, clearly there was that mystery to consider. Had he drugged her or something? They would have to leave that in the hooves of the solar stallions coming to get him.
There hadn’t been a reported case of sexual assault in a century, according to Twilight’s research. The last stallion to commit it had been executed by Princess Celestia herself. Though crimes like this one were rare amongst ponies, they were always dealt with by royalty and with swift and terrible vengeance. Having female rulers tended to come with things like that, truth be told. An assault on a mare’s body set BOTH princesses off in dark and terrible ways.
It was nearly an hour later when a group of four solar stallions arrived in full regalia. They pulled with them a chariot with a gilded cage on it. It didn’t take them long to identify their target. “Criminal scum.” One of them spat as they tossed Lickity Split roughly into the cage. He bounced twice, pained from all the abuse, and the door was shut in his face. His eyes appeared in a little slit, and they shut a little door over the slit too. Five heavy locks clicked into place, and he was sealed inside. He whimpered through the prison of ribbons and steel.
“Make sure he goes right to Princess Celestia.” Twilight said with authority she never exerted. The guards regarded her with stony nods. This was a dark day indeed for Ponyville. With their burden collected, the solar stallion guards got into their yokes and took wing, taking off for Canterlot. The lavender mare returned to her friends, hoping to come up with some way to pick up the pieces and help Pinkie Pie. Poor Pinkie Pie. The pink mare had cried herself out and had fallen unconscious in the gentle hooves of Fluttershy. Her mane had gone limp and stringy.
=-=-=-=
Luna and Celestia both stood at the entrance to the palace dungeon. So few ponies were ever put there, it was like going back in time. Equestria was in a golden age of peace and prosperity, so it was quite a sickly feeling both princesses received when they’d received word about what had happened. The criminal had been placed in the lowest reaches of the dungeon, far from both the sun and moon, awaiting their interrogation. Celestia had halted her daily court, eager to study the vermin and learn from him what sort of evil had sprung from his heart. She looked over at her sister, who was clenching and unclenching her teeth over and over again. “Remember, Luna—”
“No killing him with my thoughts, yes, we remember.” The princess of the night said tersely. She was out for blood. As a goddess of night, fertility and death the sudden clashing of all things she was in charge of made her so angry she was ready to collapse the caves of the dungeons down upon the stallion within. “We shall examine the vermin and then execute him with extreme prejudice!” she promised with venom, the free-flow of anger sending angry shimmers through her starry mane. A few stars went super-nova, angry little bursts of magic in the infinity that was her hair.
Celestia frowned gently at her sister, but said nothing. The sisters left their guards behind and descended into darkness. None entered that didn’t have to. After many winding passages down into the cavernous deep, they found a long hallway of cells. In the furthest one, deep in the cold darkness, was a whimpering stallion. The sun princess gave a raised eyebrow when she saw him wrapped snugly in brightly colored ribbon. With a flick of her magic she snapped them, freeing him. They fell in a mess around him like confetti. He gasped aloud, coughing heavily. She winced at his appearance. He was covered with hoof-shaped bruises, and one of his eyes was swollen. The banana split on his flank even had a nasty purple bruise on it.
“Rise, monster! FACE YOUR DOOM WITH DIGNITY!” Luna roared, ready to tear the bars from the cell door and rip the stallion in half. The Royal Canterlot voice boomed like a crack of thunder. He flinched visibly and moaned in pain.
“Luna.” Celestia said gently, putting a hoof on her shoulder. Luna looked over at her sister, a quivering ball of rage. They turned when the stallion rose, trembling, to his feet. He hacked, spittle hanging unceremoniously from his muzzle as he staggered to the cellar door. He looked up at them with uncomprehending eyes. Then he sank to all four knees in a bow. “They told me you are called Lickity Split.” Celestia said serenely, though her tone was not a happy one. His head bobbed weakly, for he could not find his voice. “They also tell me you took advantage of a young mare in her sleep. Is this true?” His head flopped back and forth weakly. “No?” she said, a little surprised. “The evidence is rather stacked against you, I am afraid.” There was no malice in Celestia’s tone, merely stating facts. “Can you tell me what happened?”
Lickity Split worked his muzzle a few times, his forehead pressed against the cool metal of the prison bars. “She let me in.” he whispered gutterally. “Wanted my company. Wanted me.” His bloodshot eye looked up at both princesses from where he knelt weakly.
“LIAR!” Luna concussed the cavern with her voice, and the stallion whinnied in throat-ripping pain as he tumbled end-over-end away from the door. Celestia made no move to stop her. If Luna was to be the fury of the two sisters, then… the sun princess would not stop her. “Your seed swims in her like a plague! Her bed sullied by your lust! She has no memory of permission!”
“Not a rapist.” He moaned from where he lay in a pile of hooves and pain.
“Lickity Split. You say she let you in. What did she say?” Celestia said, at least wanting to listen to his story before Luna broke the door down and ate him or something. Her sister was passionate when it came to such terrible topics. While it took a goddess to trump a goddess, it would be a century of mistrust if one stood in the way of another when it came to passing judgment. If Luna suddenly decided to make the stallion’s head explode, Celestia could not remedy it.
The stallion worked his muzzle a few times from where he lay on his side, staring at the princesses with a sideways view. “Sh-she said… ‘I don’t wanna be alone tonight. Stay with me. Just for tonight.’” He quoted rather bashfully. It had been an intimate moment, but he’d been forced to divulge it. A tear crept from his good eye.
Both Princesses regarded each other. The stallion was either an excellent actor or there was some sliver of truth to his words. “We do not like it, Tia.” Luna said angrily, scuffing her hooves back and forth. “We should execute him in the Canterlot plaza. Show Equestria what becomes of such filth!” her anger was hot and heady, one of her hooves scraping at the ground over and over.
“Could read my mind.” The stallion whispered. Both goddesses’ heads snapped in his direction. “Could.” He whispered from where he lay. They both wore a genuinely startled expression on their muzzles. Equestrian Covenant Law number one, no alicorn shall break into the minds of anypony without their explicit permission, for the mind is the last mortal sanctuary from the gods. Both sisters knew it, sometimes regretted it, but they’d promised it to the mortal races at the beginning of Ponydom. Their thoughts were their own, never to be pried upon without explicit permission.
“You would bow to a mind-reading? Give up your ultimate privacy?” Luna almost pressed her head between the bars with interest. Now they were getting somewhere! Lickity Split nodded quietly, just trying to lay there and breathe. The prison door sprang open by alicorn magic, and both goddesses approached.
“You know what you suggest.” Celestia whispered in a motherly way. “Everything in your mind, no matter how private or embarrassing or trivial, will be ours to pick through.” The stallion looked up at the two of them, nodding slowly.
“I love Pinkamina.” He whispered huskily. “We… were together. Last night.” He closed his eyes to focus away the pain. “Read my mind.” He said with a certain firmness neither goddess had heard in a long time.
“You have waived your right to mental privacy!” Luna said officially, leaning down and touching her horn to one of Lickity Split's temples. Magic ignited, and her horn became ethereal. With a mild effort, she pressed herself into his head. The skin did not part, but her horn passed into him, perhaps two inches.The stallion gave a wrenching, horrific cry and both goddesses were forced to hold him down. There was a reason for the covenant, after all. He squirmed like an insect mounted on a needle display, hooves flailing weakly. Celestia moved much more gently and followed suite. His screams turned higher, more feverish, as the second goddess invaded his skull with her now ghostly horn. With one goddess at each temple and held down in a vice-like grip, Lickity could do nothing but stare open-mouthed at the ceiling. Pain would no longer let him cry out. Magic far greater than Equestria had seen in a long time ignited colorfully. They delved into his thoughts, his memories, and secrets. The sisters closed their eyes, flicking through his foal-hood, past his high school years and into the more adult days. His father’s death. Moving to Ponyville. Opening his own ice cream parlor. More memories flicked by like a movie in fast forward. “Ah.” Luna said, for they’d seen a flash of Pinkie Pie. He’d caught her eyeballing him one day and skittering away with red cheeks. Then, another day when he’d been eyeballing her back. It was a rather stereotypical mare-next-door sort of puppy love.
Celestia peered intently at his feelings and thoughts in those days. Rather normal flicks of affection, want, and heady smiling. Not knowing how to approach her. They went further forward and closer to present day. The tornado. The furious kiss. The potato chips. Luna saw herself threatening Pinkie Pie from a different point of view. Then, more angry kissing and finally they arrived in the proper time frame. Powerful magicks surged back and forth through the poor stallion’s mind. The goddesses focused intently on his memories of last night. He squirmed miserably as they watched the entire thing. The sex, the kissing, the shrieking, the heady dance of quiet lust they’d enjoyed for just one night. Then, when his memories started again it was with a screaming Pinkie Pie who seemed to panic at the sight of him. The party cannon, and so on.
Both goddesses severed the connection, pulling themselves from his temples. Their horns shifted into the realm of physical again when they were clear from his skin. It was a brutal but effective thing, mind reading. Lickity Split lay there gasping as the magic flooded out of his body. As an earth pony, he wasn’t used to the power flowing through him. He rested while the princesses considered what they’d seen. “Consensual.” Celestia said, turning to her sister.
Luna was flushed in angry embarrassment. “He speaks the truth.”
“What does this mean, though?” Celestia said quietly.
“It means his accuser will take his place on the chopping block.” Luna said savagely. She turned and, with a flick of god-like magic, healed Lickity Split’s body entirely. The bruises vanished and he suddenly felt perfectly normal again. How? Shut up she’s a goddess, that's how. He gave a heady gasp, sitting up. “We do not take kindly to honest ponies being framed for such travesties.” She pulled him upright by magic, setting him firmly on his hooves. That was probably the closest thing to an apology he was going to get from his princess. “Pinkie Pie will pay with her head for her lies!” Luna swore angrily.
End of Part 6
Pinkie Pie
Seeing the Pattern
Part 7: Pinkie Pie
Lickity Split arrived back in Ponyville at dusk with a set of six guards. When ponies on the street saw his return they scowled angrily and approached. Rainbow Dash saw the procession and swooped down from a cloud, eager to see what was happening. “It’s that slime ball, Lickity Split!” she said in shock. “What’s he doing back here?! Why isn’t he in the darkest dungeon in Equestria?!” she demanded to the stoic face of a guard that wouldn’t answer her. “Spill it!” she roared, but his stony face didn’t move.
The handful of guards walked Lickity Split home after he’d gotten out of the flying chariot, to his ice cream parlor. He hung his head a little, unable to take all the glares and poisonous muttering that went through the crowd of ponies that followed. He slipped inside, and one of the guards turned about, working his muzzle. This perked a few ears, for the solar stallions hardly EVER spoke while on duty, much less before crowds. “Citizens of Ponyville, hear me!” he flapped his wings and rose into the air. It was impressive to see a pony in so much armor hovering in the air under his own wing power. More than a few mares noticed his handsome, muscled build. There was hush over the gathering, and the other five guards stood in a loose semi-circle before the ice cream parlor. He unfurled a scroll written on golden leaflet paper. A royal decree! Dead silence reigned, for now nopony would even cough during such a reading of royal words. “Princesses Celestia and Luna have interrogated the stallion called Lickity Split, and found him innocent of all charges, by way of excruciating mind-reading technique, volunteered by the stallion himself!” his deep bass voice carried over the crowd, and despite the shocking news nopony murmured to their neighbor. The scroll was still open, there was more. “While he rests in his home it is forbidden for anypony to approach him for the next few days. Meanwhile, the pony called Pinkie Pie is hereby declared the most wanted pony in Equestria! Bearing false witness for such a horrible crime is punishable by death!” there were loud gasps at this news. “If she is not found by midnight tonight, Princess Luna herself will come to extract her from this town, or anyplace else she might hide!”
“False witness?! They found him in bed with her!” Rainbow Dash was suddenly in the guard’s face, as he rolled up the golden scroll. “Gimmie that!” she snatched it from him and unrolled it herself. Her eyes raced across it. “It’s true…” she said with a shocked expression. There was murmuring and confusion in the crowd. After everything that had happened, how could the princesses find him innocent? Everyone was boggled. The guard angrily snatched his scroll back, and Rainbow Dash backed off. “Pinkie Pie is… the most wanted pony in Equestria?” her eyes wandered towards Sugar Cube Corner, where the mare had not emerged since earlier that day when she’d passed out.
The guard followed her gaze. The name ‘Pinkie Pie’ said much, and he put two and two together. “Over there! That bakery!” He gestured, and the handful of guards rushed to storm the place. Rainbow Dash went pale, and then launched herself skyward to fetch the rest of the mane six. Twilight First, she could teleport.
Six massive stallions in full regalia practically knocked the door of Sugar Cube Corner down, filing inside and scaring Mr. and Mrs. Cake to death. They were herded into a corner where Mrs. Cake shivered. Her husband stood between her and the solar stallions, though his back legs shivered. “I-I’ve got ‘em honey, don’t you worry!” he said uncertainly. “Innocent ponies have nothing to f-fear from the Royal Guard!” he held the sentence up like a shield, but it didn’t keep him from seeing their menacing looks as they searched the kitchen, the upstairs, then noticed the door to the downstairs.
“There’s a basement, c’mon!” One of them shouted. “She’s more than likely down there, if she’s here at all!” They left one guard with the Cakes, and the others thundered down the stairs like a stampede. A rather thick door was in the way, but it didn’t take more than one hard, muscled kick to bring it down. They fanned into the large bedroom, looking around rather open-mouthed.
There were enormous maps all over the walls, pictures of everypony in town. Massive tables and desks with scribbling all over them. There were altitude maps with X’s on certain spots. Locations and general information about each one were pinned up on small corkboards everywhere. There was no bed that they could see, only lots of table space. Plenty of quills and ink were spilled around the place. What had they just wandered into? It was like a conspiracy theorist’s wet dream! There in the middle of the madness, was a pink mare.
Pinkamina rounded on the guards as soon as they bucked the door down, a cracker halfway to her muzzle and a shocked expression on her face. Her mane bannered out briefly, then gravity seized at again and it hung like a frilly curtain. She lowered the cracker slowly, trying to think of something clever to say. She came up with, “Ever think of knocking, boys?” and tossed her cracker box to one side. “I only let one stallion in my bedroom at a time, usually.” She gave them a smile that made the guard in the back shudder. That dangerous, never-say-die smile that usually only appeared on the muzzles of criminal masterminds and other shades of evil.
“Seize her!” The leader pointed, and they rushed her. Pinkamina made no move to resist, but was none the less grabbed up and dragged all the way upstairs and outside. The Cakes were ordered not to leave the bakery, and they stayed shivering in the corner. It didn’t keep them from pressing their hooves and muzzles to the window, though.
Suddenly, with a magical POP, five of the mane six appeared in the street before the group of guards. Twilight gasped, leaning on her front knees for a moment. She’d teleported the entire group, several times, gathering everyone up before returning to Ponyville. The enormous usage of magic made her woozy. Applejack leaned into her like an anchor, holding her upright so she didn’t fall over. “What do you think you’re doing?!” Rarity was the first to step forward, demanding an answer for the spectacle. “Unhand her this instant!”
The guards ignored her, standing in a rather tight circle with Pinkamina in the middle. One of them reached into his saddlebag, producing what looked to Twilight like a foal’s magic wand. It was a practice wand, meant to produce sparks or—! A bright signal flare rushed into the sky, exploding brilliantly with all the force of the sun. Ponyville was lit up like the day for a split second, and many ponies were briefly blinded. “The Princesses will be here shortly.” Said the guard captain. “Remain calm and do not interfere.” He commanded. The crowd shrank back a little. BOTH princesses were coming to Ponyville?
The sun slid gently beyond the horizon, and the moon slowly began its ascent. The stars winked into existence. There was murmuring in the crowd, and nopony dared to leave. The chill of night began to settle upon the town, and in the background Lickity Split slowly emerged from his shop. He saw the gathering of stalwart guards, and could see the tip of Pinkamina’s curtain-like mane. He stared sadly, unable to understand. Why had she done it? He didn’t understand! His eyes grew moist and his head lowered with a quiet gasp of a stallion trying not to cry. “P-Pinkamina…” he whimpered. How horrible, for his lover to suddenly stab him in the back, and now about to face royal punishment in front of a crowd of hundreds.
From across the crowd, Twilight glanced at Lickity Split. Something was wrong. Something didn’t fit. It drove her mad. Signalling the others, they went to him. “Lickity Split.” She said. He recoiled at the sight of Rainbow Dash, who glared at him fiercely but did not speak.
“Wh-what?” he said timidly, lifting a hoof like he was about to bolt back inside and out of sight. Why were all the mares in his life so angry and forceful? The lavender librarian looked him over. He was a mess of disheveled mane and tear-abused eyes. “C-can’t you just leave me alone? You already beat me up once today.” He whimpered, his rump pressing against the glass door of his ice cream parlor. Twilight sympathized with the cowardly stallion, but only briefly.
“The guards said you were innocent. How did y’all fool the princesses?” Applejack wanted to know, frowning angrily.
“I didn’t.” he said, looking back and forth between the five of them. “They read my mind, they know it’s true. I didn’t take advantage of her, she invited me in and… and somehow forgot about me overnight.” It sounded so, so lame to say it out loud, but it was the only explanation he had. How very little Pinkamina must’ve cared for him if she’d used him for her bed, then cried assault and almost gotten him royally executed. He was only thankful the princesses had given him his fair shot at proving innocence.
“Equestria’s first covenant was to prevent alicorns from reading the minds of mortal ponies.” Twilight Sparkle said doubtfully. “It’s supposed to be excruciatingly painful and—!” there was a sudden rush of wind as clouds covered the sky, blotting out the beautiful night. Leaves and debris rushed back and forth as everypony looked skyward. Exploding from the clouds on a black chariot of deepest onyx was none other than Princess Luna! (Rainbow Dash could practically hear screaming metal bands in the back of her head, the chariot looked so bad-ass to her covered with all those spikes and dark jewels.) At her side, her sister Celestia was gripping the chariot like she were about to be pitched off. “Princess Celestia! And Princess Luna!” Twilight said with big eyes, aghast. The black chariot rocketed across the sky, landed so hard the wheels almost buckled, and slid to a stop at the edge of the crowd. “Don’t go anywhere.” Twilight told Lickity Split dangerously.
Both royal sisters dismounted the chariot, Celestia doing her best not to look a little ill. The lunar stallions were very rough when it came to travelling. Though, Luna passed them a favoring smile while they settled the wing membranes and hooves to the ground at last. They tilted their heads up with a mild smirk, happy for their vocations. The crowd shifted nervously, parting as the goddess snapped their wings open. They made a wide and defined path towards the center of the commotion. Many ponies flung themselves onto their bellies to bow, the presence of the goddesses too much for their mortal minds to comprehend properly.
“You have her, then?” Luna said loudly, leaning forward into the face of the closest solar stallion guard. He nodded, snapping a salute and disengaging the circle of guards around Pinkamina. They loosened out into a roughly ring-shaped formation, in case they needed to keep the crowd back.
Pinkamina turned towards the princesses, frowning dangerously and whipping her mane behind her ear with a harsh motion of her neck. The stringy pink mane fell back exactly where it was, though, covering half of her face. She bowed low as was expected, shutting her eyes, and then rising up again. Bold. “Princess Celestia. Princess Luna.” She said in a neutral voice.
“Pinkie Pie.” Celestia said with a slight inclination of her head. Out of the corner of her eye she could already see the rage boiling up in her sister’s expression. “We have found that your accusation against Lickity Split was false. Do you want to explain yourself?”
“What accusation?” Pinkamina said, frowning and narrowing her eyes.
“Thou said he assaulted you in thy bed!” Luna’s archaic vocabulary snuck in, in her anger.
“Well if that’s what you wanna call it.” Pinkamina admitted with a snarky smile.
Both Princesses stared at her, as did the other mane five and Lickity Split. There was confusion in the crowd as well. The guards looked around nervously, like they were expecting a bodily rush at any moment. The royal sisters looked at each other briefly. “Then… why did you report him for such assault?” Pinkamina stared at them, trying to work out what she’d missed. She’d gone to bed with Lickity Split the night before, gotten more than her desserts there, then fallen asleep with—ohhh. Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie had awoken with a stallion in her bed. She sighed inwardly.
“I… guess I had second thoughts.” Pinkamina said with the same snark.
“THY LIES HAVE BROUGHT THE WRATH OF THE GODS UPON YOU!” Luna roared, rearing up as lightning split the sky in a glorious display. The crowd flinched, and the few ponies that were on their feet fell to their bellies in awe. Only the guards, the royal sisters, and the others of the mane six remained on their hooves.
Eyes flicked to Celestia. She made no move to stop her wrathful sister, for she knew she was correct. Nopony should get away with such a travesty. And while execution was not her first personal choice, many things stayed her hoof. The crime had happened at night, the carnal event was Luna’s realm, and many of the other factors as well. All in all, it was practically out of her hooves. Celestia would indeed have a political mess to clean up, but a hundred years since the last execution wasn’t a bad record to have. Perhaps they could make it another hundred years before the next one? The solar princess saw many, many eyes upon her. They looked to her for comfort. She gave a gentle nod of her head, confirming her sister’s words. Expressions changed to horror, and then all eyes went back to Luna and the pink mare.
“If I recall you said you would only kill me if I prevented another death.” Pinkamina said, pushing her mane out of her eyes again. The pink mare could see no way out of this, but she would not let the icy fear of death take her over.
“There was no ‘only’ in the decree. Thou hast provided another reason! Clearly thy death wish spans several categories of mischief, Pinkie Pie!” Luna said, making the pink mare’s mane flap like a banner. Stubborn, the little pony stood her ground. Princess Luna looked out over the crowd. “CITIZENS OF PONYVILLE! LOOK, AND LEARN WELL THIS LESSON! LET NO STALLION FEAR THE HOOF BEING POINTED FALSELY AT HIM FOR A TERRIBLE CRIME HE DID NOT COMMITT!” The princess’ voice rolled like blasting thunder, and her horn ignited with terrible black magicks.
“No! Don’t do it! Pinkie Pie, run! Run away!” Five of the mane six rushed to prevent the punishment in a confusion of shouting voices, but the royal guard was there to stop them, to hold them bodily back. It took all five stallions to hold back the five mares, impressive in itself. Celestia looked over at them sadly. It had to be done. There would be a new Element of Laughter someday soon. This one had fallen from grace. Lickity Split looked on in terror, unable to take his eyes off of the spectacle. Pinkamina planted her hooves, stubborn to face death head on. She’d saved four lives, perhaps that was enough? That was a good run, right?
An arc of black magic exploded from Princess Luna’s horn, possessing Pinkamina’s body. She was lifted into the air in a twisting, writhing mess of flailing hooves. A thousand needles of ethereal pain formed in the air around her, each taking its turn to pierce her body one way or the other. They passed through her like fire, none of them leaving a mark. Her screams would give the citizen’s of Ponyville nightmares for weeks. When the thousand needles were through they formed a sphere of dark energy around her, concussed her like a cannon shot to the head. The spell sent bolts of punishment across her body, seizing her muscles as she screamed and writhed. Then, it slammed her into the ground. A ring of dust rushed away from her when she impacted and her stringy mane slowly settled over her face. She was limp. Dead.
Celestia closed her eyes, sighing quietly.
Twilight Sparkle stood stone still, mouth agape in horror.
Applejack vomited violently, falling to her knees to wretch.
Rarity’s hoof leapt to her mouth, eyes glistening with tears.
Rainbow Dash’s whole body shook, her eyes tiny pupils of disbelief.
Fluttershy passed out entirely, splayed over the ground.
Lickity Split wept, unable to look.
The crowd shuddered visibly. The first and only royal execution in a hundred years. They would probably be telling their children and grandchildren about it someday. Quiet murmurs and innocent whimpering went through the crowd. “Luna.” Said Princess Celestia gently. “I think we should go for now.” Luna looked down at her handiwork with a distasteful frown, then at her sister. “Our punishment is given, let us away so the town may return to its peaceful norm.” She used the word ‘our’ on purpose, to remind the entire town that the sisters had made the decision together. Not just Luna. More than a few eyes begged her for answers and mercy, but nopony spoke.
“…Yes.” Luna said after a time, sober after her rage-filled high. The two alicorns returned to the chariot with dainty hoof steps. The lunar stallions snapped their wings open, warming up for the trip back to Canterlot. Not even the mane si… the mane five, dared speak to them. Even Twilight Sparkle suddenly felt a great distance from her mentor, Celestia. A mortal pony like her couldn’t imagine what was going through her princess’ head. She didn’t want to know. When the white alicorn glanced over at Twilight Sparkle, she saw the look of betrayal and uncomprehending sadness. Inwardly, the goddess sighed. Time would heal them. It had to be done. They were so innocent, all of them. The princesses left Ponyville via the chariot, flanked by a flying-V of royal guards.
The crowd dissipated slowly, everypony going home to find comfort in their warm beds and in each other. Equestria was not a place of violence, crime, or hatred. They would take solace in each other this night, lovers in each other’s arms and foals held tightly to their mother’s breasts. By morning, hopefully, they would be over the shock of witnessing such a violent demise.
Rainbow Dash was the first to come to Pinkie Pie’s body, and winced when she saw it was smoldering. Though there were no burns visible, a white steam was rising from the corpse as though she’d been in a hot bath and then tossed into a wintery night a moment later. “Oh Pinkie Pie…” Rainbow Dash whispered, coming down onto her belly. “I j-just don’t understand. What happened?” Her voice broke and she stopped speaking for a long time. Fluttershy was fainted upon the sidewalk, but the others came to gather around. Turning her onto her back, Rainbow Dash held the dead pink mare to herself, sniffling loudly. “Pinkie Pie!” the cyan mare howled like a wounded dog, squeezing her friend’s body and bawling. Applejack, Twilight, and Rarity pressed in around her, much the same. They cried together, tears spattering the pink mare’s face and fur. They held Pinkie Pie’s body, hugged and kissed her, apologized for a dozen different reasons. How had everything come crashing down so fast?
“W-we… we should bury her. Hold a funeral.” Twilight Sparkle said quietly while her friends sniffled around her. “Sh-she’d want a big party for her send-off, y’know?” the mares around her bitterly knew that Pinkie Pie was the party planner. How ironic to be planning such a thing for her death. They each nodded their assent.
“W-with nice outfits.” Said Rarity.
“And a full spread’a food.” Said Applejack.
“A-and stuff…” Rainbow Dash said lamely, glancing up at Twilight. Her gaze flicked over the purple unicorn’s shoulder and saw Lickity Split standing there on the corner, in a stupor. “You.” The cyan Pegasus rose slowly, a terrible hatred in her eyes. One flap of her powerful wings was all it took to propel her across the street and straight into the stallion. “I’ll get you!” She launched him bodily into his own ice cream parlor as she tackled him through the thick front glass and into the store beyond. The others rose in shock, rushing to stop her. “I’ll get you I’ll get you I’ll get you!” Rainbow Dash roared. “This is all your fault!” she straddled Lickity Split as she wrestled him to the ground. “All your fault!” she beat him mercilessly, her hooves crashing into his face over and over until finally Applejack got her into a full-pony-nelson, yanking her off of him. Rainbow Dash thrashed and roared obscenities, out for the stallion’s blood. He lay there on his side, staring at her fearfully. “Pinkie Pie’s dead because of you!” the Pegasus shouted cruelly. “Because of you!” They dragged her, howling, out into the street. They bumped into somepony on accident and turned. A hoof came across Rainbow Dash’s face, a stern slap. She yipped despite herself, not expecting the pain.
“Keep your hooves. Off. My. Stallion.” said Pinkamina slowly, glowering at her. Everypony went pale.
End of Part 7
Surprise
Seeing the Pattern
Part 8: Surprise
Twilight was the first to shriek, and they all backed away until they fell over themselves in shock. Pinkamina stood there, very much alive, smoldering with white steam rising from her shoulders. She looked at herself, then patted herself out quickly. “P-Pinkie Pie!” Twilight said, leaning forward and screwing up her eyes like she might be a mirage.
“Pinkamina.” said the pink mare, looking around a bit. “Everyone’s gone. Good.” She turned and leaned over the hem of the window Rainbow Dash had shattered tackling Lickity Split. “Hmm.” While her awestruck friends watched, she pushed the door of the ice cream parlor open and went in. Lickity Split lay on his back, staring at the ceiling with a shocked expression. She leaned over him. “Still alive?” she said. His eyes locked with hers and he gave a squeaking sound as his hooves flailed to right himself.
“Pinkamina! You’re alive! But how?!” he threw his hooves around her neck, crushing her to himself with a happy whinny. Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, and Rarity stealthily leaned in so they could see. “I saw Princess Luna execute you there in front of everyone!” Vanilla wafted over her.
“You still smell like a mare.” The pink pony complained. Pinkamina extended her neck with a harrumphing sound, face affixed in a frown. “Luna came to execute Pinkie Pie. She did.”
“But you’re not dead!” He said, running his chin up and down her neck with tearful affection. “Y-you’re right here! I’ve got you right here and you’re alive!”
“I’m not Pinkie Pie.” She said at last. He stopped.
“You’re not? Who are you then?” Lickity Split chuckled confusedly, leaning back so he could see her face.
“Pinkamina Diane Pie.” She recited.
“Who’s that?”
“Me.” She said simply. When she saw the group of mares come in, she nodded to herself. Now was the time to explain things, because it had all come to an end. Officially, she was dead. And without Pinkie Pie to provide events with the Pinkie Sense, perhaps her days of divining the fate of others were over too. Everyone gave her a confused look. Heaving a deep sigh and knowing the story would be quite long, she explained.
The Sonic Rainboom had scrambled her brain, giving birth to an alternate personality that called itself ‘Pinkie Pie’. After a time, it took over entirely and Pinkamina became the alternate. It was her body, but then when Pinkie Pie earned her cutie mark while she was in control of the pink mare it became her own body. At first she went years without waking sometimes, always startled to see the face in the mirror. Prisoner in her own body. Then at last when adulthood was settled in, she awoke nightly and was able to more or less function again. Reading Pinkie Pie’s diary every night and hosting a frugal night life had plenty of benefits. Moving to Ponyville, she’d embraced the Pinkie Sense as a way of telling the future and the fate of others with the ‘doozies’. After that had gone out of hand, well… you know the rest.
Everypony stared at her. “So you’re the real Pinkie? And our friend, the one we knew…?” Rainbow Dash ventured softly, horrified.
“A figment of my own mind. I’m the real me, not her. She’s gone now. Luna killed her.” That terrible, cold smile returned, chilling the bones of all that looked upon it.
“How did you survive, though? Luna was pretty brutal with you!” Twilight needed to know.
“I don’t know a lot about magic.” Pinkamina said with a scowl. “But I think intent is part of it. Luna’s execution spell was targeting Pinkie Pie, and so it hit Pinkie Pie, so to speak. With any luck she won’t be back ever again.” Her grin grew as the horrified expressions intensified.
“So you’ll be like this all the time?” Lickity Split was stroking her stringy mane with a hoof, but he meant more than he said. “She destroyed some alternate part of you, and this is the real you?”
“Something like that.” Pinkamina said, leaning into him casually now. “Listen, everypony.” She cleared her throat, standing upright after a few moments. “I’ve told you everything you need to know. I’m tired. I was murdered today, technically. I think I deserve some food, a bath, and a warm bed.” Without bothering with subtlety, she took Lickity Split’s ear in her teeth and pulled him along. He cried out a little, looking at the others for help. They were too stunned to move. She backed into the stallion’s private living space behind the shop, pulled him in with her, then shut the door and locked it. There was a long silence.
“What the hay just happened?!” Applejack shouted at the ceiling.
“I… think Pinkie Pie is still dead. That mare is the original Pinkie Pie, ‘Pinkamina.’” Twilight pieced together everything they’d been told while they turned to leave the wrecked ice cream parlor. Finding Fluttershy still passed out on the sidewalk, they got her onto Applejack’s back and carried her away with them.
“What’re we gonna do, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“I don’t know.” Twilight said softly. “This is just so complicated…” she hung her head, sighing in frustration. “It’s her body, but Pinkie was our friend, and now she’s dead because of a lie she told she thought was the truth. Lickity’s caught in the middle, the Princesses were here to kill her and basically did…” The lavender unicorn could feel a migraine coming on, and moaned softly. “Let’s… let’s just get together again tomorrow morning and figure out what to do.”
=-=-=-=
“You’re hurt.” Pinkamina said with a sour face. Guiding Lickity Split by his ear to the sofa, she set him upon it. Finding a first aid kit in his hall closet, she carted it over in her teeth. The pink mare leaned over him, sighing at the bits of glass sticking out of his fur and the light bruising on his face.
Lickity looked up at her with soft eyes as she fished out a pair of tweezers and set to work on him. The lights were dim, and if it had been any other night it would have been quite romantic. With a petri dish next to her on the coffee table, Pinkamina began to take the bits of glass out of him on at a time. Most of them hadn’t broken the skin, but if they were left in his fur they might eventually. Each bit of glass she found fell with a little clink in the petri dish. “Thank you.” He whispered softly after a long time.
“Turn, ‘ay on your ‘ack.” She said around a mouthful of tweezers. He obeyed her, his hooves folding a bit as he laid out on the couch. Lickity winced a little, showing her where larger pieces of glass had lodged themselves in his fur. There was a drop or two of blood here and there, but nothing much worse than a deep papercut. Clink. Clink-clink. Pinkamina worked slowly and carefully, steady with her tool as not to harm him. “’Hut ‘appened aft’ah she blashsted meh?” she asked, cocking her head to clink another piece of glass into the petri dish.
Wincing when she pulled a little hair with a piece of glass, he told her of the scuffle with Rainbow Dash and how they wept over Pinkie’s body after she’d been killed. Pinkamina rolled her eyes. “I was sure you were gone…” he whispered, soft in the eyes and putting a hoof out to press against her cheek. She stopped moving, her angry face not drawing away but not leaning into his touch either. He let his hoof fall, and she leaned to get the next bit of glass. The curtain of her mane hid her expression from him.
“Mmm.” She said neutrally. Clink.
“Listen, I’m not mad or anything. Pinkie Pie thought I’d taken advantage of her, and you had no idea what was going on when you awoke again. You— ow!” he yelped when she pulled another tweezer-full of hair extracting another bit of glass. She looked at him sideways, mischief in her eyes. She had such odd ways of showing her affection. You just had to pay attention, it seemed. Clink. “You did that on purpose.” He sulked.
Her horrible smile greeted him from under her brow, and he chuckled at her. Pinkamina leaned, quietly kissing his belly. Lickity did his best not to squirm pleasureably. The feeling vanished when she found a large piece of glass on his inner thigh and took a few private hairs with it. He squealed just a little, trying to curl up and away from her. “Don’t be a foal.” She scolded softly. Clink. “Almost done.” He lay still when she started running her hooves all over him. She found only one or two more bits, then nodded at him. “There.” She said.
“What about you?” Lickity Split said when she’d thrown the petri dish away. She sat on her haunches in front of the couch. “I saw you get brutalized by all that magic.” She sat still, her head hanging a little low. He only just noticed the shudder of her exhaustion. Sitting up, he scooped her up onto the couch and ran his hooves over her back. She moaned audibly, brow furrowed into her normal scowl. “Ah, there it is then…” he reared up behind her, running his hooves harder between her shoulder blades. Another moan.
She looked over her shoulder at him with a quiet expression. He laid down upon her, their warm bodies pressed together. Pinkamina heaved a sigh while his hooves wrapped about her neck. She didn’t stop him from nuzzling her mane, nor her ears. He could do that for awhile, it didn’t irk her. At least not as much as she thought it would. Just a little. Meh. The scent of vanilla wafted over her muzzle and she chuckled just a little. “You smell like a mare.” She told him, and he snickered. Nickering softly, she tilted her head so he could better get at her neck with his nibbling teeth.
Lickity Split pulled a quilt from the back of the couch, pulling it over them. “Let’s just stay right here.” He whispered, laying down atop her again. Pinkamina adjusted herself, set her chin on the arm of the sofa. She stared at the featureless wall while the stallion atop her found a comfortable position. Smirking a little, she glanced back at him. “What?”
“Not gonna take advantage of me?” she snarked.
“No…” he said slowly, his face coloring. Her tail flicked a little, jostling him. She gave a genuine giggle. He smiled embarrassedly. “Don’t tease.” He said, coming down and kissing the top of her head. She nickered, giving her curtain-like mane a toss. It whapped him in the face and he smiled a goofy, romantic stallion’s smile. Squirming, she turned over and lay on her back under him. “Pinkamina…” his face colored a little more at the sultry look she was giving him.
“Lickity Split.” She said in return, smiling her disturbing smile. She hooked her hooves around him, pulling him down atop her. “C’mere.” Pinkamina whispered headily before their muzzles came slowly together. She was gentle with him. This time, at least.
=-=-=-=
Luna was watching the space between spaces. The place that souls traveled across when they separated from their bodies. No pink mare. She frowned with a dark expression. “Where are you…?” she mumbled. Now and then a blobby shape would travel across her line of sight, each one representing the soul of a departed pony. They bumbled along like cotton candy clouds, vanishing over the horizon to the great beyond. “What’s that…?” something caught the goddess’ eye. A pink little puff ball that seemed to idle in place. It wasn’t headed for the great beyond, nor was it congealing to become an evil spirit. It simply sat idle. Moving down to it, the goddess of the night took on a more defined shape on the ethereal plane to get a better look.
The pink blob reacted, and a spectral giggling could be heard. “Oh there you are! I was sure I was all alone here that is until you came along then I was like whew at least I’m not stuck in this weird place am I dead by the way I can’t feel my hooves isn’t it so strange—”
Definitely Pinkie Pie. Princess Luna frowned, looking her over. She didn’t look like any sort of soul she usually saw traveling the expanse towards the great beyond. She was much smaller, much weaker, and hardly had any color to her. She was mildly pink, yes, but most souls had vibrant colors. This was like… half a soul. Rather than being like a cloud, it was much more like a ball of floating cobwebs. Very weak and ill-defined. It bothered the goddess. “Why are you no moving on? You are dead.” She told her.
“Well I don’t feel dead!” the pink soul said, flickering every time she spoke. “I just feel detached, like I’ve got more to do.” Oh great, she was a lingering soul. Souls like that became angry ghosts, and tended to haunt places. Luna could only imagine the outrageous antics that a ghost of Pinkie Pie could conjure. It made her shudder.
“I killed you and you’ll move to the great beyond!” The goddess insisted, giving her a shove with her hoof. The ball of cobwebby soul bounced a bit, but then anchored herself to the ground again, stubborn.
“But I don’t wanna!” she whined.
Suddenly Luna saw it. She WAS half a soul! Whole souls would’ve floated away, she still had weight! “How did you do this?! Is your body still running around?!” she demanded, pulling the cloud towards herself. She scanned the half-soul more closely, and found an intact personality as well as a heart and memories. It was a complete pony, but… somehow, only half a pony at the same time. “We do not like this, brace thyself for resurrection.”
“Resurrection? Isn’t that when you--?” The will of a goddess snatched the tiny, fragile soul up, and ripped it from the ethereal plane. She squawked in alarm as she was ripped from the warm, happy place and placed on the physical plane. They appeared in Luna’s private chambers at the palace in Canterlot. “Hey! That wasn’t very ni—eep!” Luna had blasted her with a magic so ancient nopony alive had any inkling of its existence. The threads of fate twisted. The drip of karma reversed. The alicorn willed a body to form, fresh from the ethereal void and into the shape that would suite the soul best. It was creation magic. Bone and muscle and tendon rushed over a creation that had not ever lived on its own before. White fur exploded from pores as soon as they formed, and a symbol of four red balloons ignited across its flank. A blonde mane poofed into existence with a matching golden tail. Purple eyes blink-blinked open as hooves hardened into being. A mare had been made.
“Pinkie Pie from Ponyville, rise.” Luna commanded in a god’s voice. The pony rose on shaky limbs, looking herself over. She was as white as a ghost, and as blonde as the most beautiful wheat fields. She peered at herself from as many angles as she could. The dark princess sat on her haunches, regal and smirking at the amazing miracle she’d just performed. Only gods like herself could wield such magic and make something out of nothing, much less bring the dead back to life. “I have brought you back from the land of the dead to--!”
“Do it again! Do it again!” Pinkie Pie bounced, springing up and down in a circle around the lunar princess. She scoffed, face-hoofing with a growl. “That was amazing! This body feels great, wow! Do it again!”
“NO! THERE IS NO DOING IT AGAIN!” The Royal Canterlot Voice blasted the newly flesh-and-blood mare over her own hooves. She princess mentally counted to three to calm herself. When she opened her eyes again, the white Pinkie Pie was on her hooves, looking up at her with a big smile. Two inches away from Luna’s face. She flinched back despite herself, unsure of what a good idea it had been to bring back the strange mare to the land of the living.
“Surprise! I’m alive again!” she squawked, leaping into the air and defying gravity for a few long moments. “That’s soooo what I’m gonna tell everyone when I get back since I was totally dead not sure how I died but it was totally dead there and now I’m not though I do have this new body and I--” A royal hoof shoved itself into her mouth, shutting her up. Luna could feel a migraine coming on.
“Thy strange fate and appearance on the ethereal plane troubles us, pink one…” The princess trailed off a moment, frowning. She was no longer pink. “What should we call thou? You are clearly not Pinkie Pie. At least, not all of her...” she mumbled, eyeing the mare up and down. She made the mistake of lowering her hoof and uncovering the mare’s mouth.
“Surprise!” she shouted again, leaping into the air with a blast of joyous volume. Luna jumped. “Oh my gosh you’re right I really should think of a new name I mean how lame would it be for a white pony to wander into town and go ‘hey I’m Pinkie Pie’ except I’m totally as white as flour and–” The hoof rushed back up to her mouth, shutting her up again. Luna sighed. Shut the buck up didn’t seem very princess-like to say, so she held the hoof there for the moment.
“Perhaps we shall call you ‘Surprise’ for now.” The dark goddess mused. “For now, let us return to Ponyville. If only half of your soul went to the afterlife, the other half must still be there somewhere.” Surprise nodded in excitement, her eyes shining of at the thought of returning to Ponyville. “But be wary, Surprise, we executed you once. If you make trouble we shall do it again.” The princess of the night extended her wings, kneeling down briefly with a gesture.
“Okie-dokie-lokie! Let’s go!” Surprise clambered up onto the goddess’ back and straddled herself, putting her hooves around her neck to hang on. “Just no loop-dee-loops while you're flying, okay?” she giggled. Luna groaned audibly, rolling her eyes.
End of Part 8
Pinkamina
Seeing the Pattern
Part 9: Pinkamina
Pinkamina awoke with a light flinch. There was something heavy and warm on top of her, and it wasn’t a blanket. Turning her head, she found her lover splayed over her with his chin rested on the small of her back. She smirked a little, staring at him for a long time. After everything that had happened, it was that precise moment that the pink mare decided she should keep him. Coltfriend, companion, whatever it was called. Now that she was in charge of her own life again, making a grab for a dependable stallion was high on the list. Bam, done. First thing crossed off the list. If only he didn’t smell so feminine. Ah well, nopony was perfect. Meh.
Stretching a bit until the bones in her neck popped loudly, she flopped down again with a sigh. Her movement made Lickity Split stir a bit. He looked at her, half-awake. There was a long silence. “It’s still me.” She patted the top of his head like he was a puppy. He smiled warily, but nuzzled her back anyway. When she finally worked up the energy, she rose and untwisted herself from the quilt. Flipping her mane behind her ear, she stretched again and flicked her tail playfully across his face, making sure to hit the bruise on his cheek as she mildly flashed him. He winced, but didn’t whimper. “I need to get some air.” She said, turning and peering out the window. “It feels strange to get up in the morning feeling rested.” She looked at him for a moment. “You know, being the alternate half for so long.”
He smiled his understanding, but didn’t leave the couch. “Those royal guards said I should take a few days to myself until this all blows over. I think I’ll stay inside, maybe clean up the parlor. There’s glass all over my floors.” Lickity Split smiled a little painfully when he rose. He wasn’t used to aching for so many different reasons. Getting tackled through a window hadn’t agreed with him, despite the ‘healing’ last night Pinkamina had helped him with (the tweezers, pervert, not that). It was only AFTER Pinkamina had left that he realized half the town had seen her get killed last night. Now she was wandering out into the street?
=-=-=-=
Five of the remaining mane six sat around a table at the library, very serious-looking apple juice boxes with bendy-straws sitting in front of all of them. Now and then one of them would sip, but they were deep in debate.
If Princess Luna had executed Pinkie Pie but Pinkamina was alive, was she technically dead? Should they hold a funeral with a body still walking around? Did that make Pinkamina a zombie? Would Luna return to correct the botched execution and freshly traumatize Ponyville again? Should they make friends with Pinkamina despite her abrasive ways? Was Pinkamina the new Element of Laughter (they quickly decided no on that one)?
The five mares chatted back and forth, talking over one another and bringing up point after point. The only thing they could seem to agree on was that the Pinkie Pie they knew and loved was gone, and that made them sad. But the new and complex circumstances had changed many things. Twilight was still a little rattled about the execution. Rainbow Dash was still frothing with anger, but had nothing to do with the proverbial ‘fist’ she’d raised against the innocent Lickity Split. Fluttershy had to be filled in on all that had happened after the pink mare that had been struck dead rose from the grave. Rarity had suffered Luna-themed nightmares and was complaining about them. Applejack was quiet, seeming deep in thought. “Hey Applejack, you haven’t said anything in a long time.” Twilight Sparkle ventured gently, drawing all eyes to the orange mare. “What’re you thinking so hard about?”
“Call me crazy, y’all, but…” Applejack’s eyes went from one side to the other, “Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be? Ah mean, how would ah feel if some alter-neigh-t personality took over Applebloom? Little filly that she is, then changin’ forever because’ah some accident?” Her friends had a moment to absorb her words before she continued. “Ah mean, iff’n Pinkamina was the original filly…” she trailed off, a little red in the cheeks after all her philosophizing.
“Then how can we blame her for getting her life back?” Fluttershy said softly, staring at her juice box with a look of deep concern. “Oh my, I feel terrible now.” There was agreement around the table. “I kept thinking she’d stolen Pinkie Pie from us, but… the truth is…”
“Pinkie Pie stole Pinkamina from the world.” Rainbow Dash finished for her, frowning and frustrated at her empty juice box. “Even if she didn’t know it.” A stony silence settled over the table, and they all knew what she’d said was true.
=-=-=-=
Lickity Split had worked a nice pile of glass bits into the center of his floor. The damage wasn’t as bad as he’d originally thought it was. There was a shattered front window, two broken tables, a dented cooler, a ruptured anti-freeze pipe, and a few other odds and ends. It would be months and months before his parlor ever made a profit again, but the place wasn’t unsalvageable as he thought it was. It just needed some love, and it would be back to normal before long.
A great black shadow blotted out the sun in the doorway, making him flinch and drop his dustpan. “Whossat?!” he said with a yelp, moving to hide behind one of his displays. He peered up at the intruder, over the lip of the still-whirring ice cream buffet bar.
A titanic stallion stood in the doorway, nothing but a black shape and eyes. Then, stealing the drama of the moment entirely, a little filly squeezed past him in the doorway. “Don’t stand in the doorway, Big Mac!” said Applebloom, cantering across the floor and rearing herself up to look at all the ice creams in the display case. “Wowww, lookit all that ice cream!” she said with huge, sparkly eyes. A stallion easily time-and-a-half larger than Lickity Split walked slowly across the tiles, avoiding the pile of glass. He peered in as well, a slow and easy motion.
Lickity Split slowly got back to his hooves. What were they doing? Hadn’t they heard the ‘stay away’ decree? Were they going to take something? Beat him up despite his proven innocence? It was hard to earn one’s reputation back in something like sexual assault, even when proven innocent. A mare’s pointing hoof was a powerful thing. “Uh-h, can I help you?” he said it slowly, curious about them.
“Eyuup.” Said the crimson stallion, bobbing his head a few times. Lickity Split saw the draft pony eyeing him up and down with a critical eye. The filly was entirely focused on the ice cream, peering back and forth at all the bright colors, but not he. There was some sort of sizing-up going on in the silent Apple’s mind. In truth, Big Macintosh had been there that night, in the crowd that was ready to lynch Lickity Split. Then later, he’d also heard he’d been proven innocent. The massive stallion wanted to get a good eye-full of him and decide for himself if he was trustworthy. Complex philosophical thoughts were running through his mind in silence, but it came out as a rather neutral stare. Lickity squirmed a little, looking away. He couldn’t take the pressure of a stallion a full head taller than he.
“You promised me an ice cream if we sold all our apples at the morning market, Big Mac!” Applebloom whined, still propped up against the machine on her back legs. “You promised!”
“Eyuup.” Big Mac nodded his assent, sweeping his eyes down to his little sister. Truth be told a grocer had come by, then Mrs. Cake, then a few other bulk buyers. Their daily stock had gone dry after only a few customers. He leaned and lightly pressed his nose to the glass, looking back and forth at the ice creams on display.
Lickity didn’t DARE say he wasn’t open to the mighty Big Macintosh. Slipping behind the counter, he prepped a scoop with hot water and then made sure his price sign was on display at the end of the counter. It was a modest business, running an ice cream parlor, but every bit counted and he wasn’t one to turn down a customer at a time like this. “Wh-what’ll it be?” Lickity ventured.
“Oohh, big brother! Lookit that one!” There was a mint green ice cream with chocolate chunks mixed right into it. The display read ‘mint cookie’, and it looked amazing. She poked the glass a few times, and Big Mac leaned lazily to study what his sister wanted. “Can I get that one? Can I?” she asked with big soft eyes.
“Eyuup.” Big Mac smiled gently, studying the price, and then pushing some bits across the bar. Lickity Split worked quickly and got a little bowl for the filly. Putting a plastic spoon in it, sticking straight up, he served it across the bar to her. Applebloom sat spinning on the little stool until her treat arrived. Squealing with joy she dug into it, getting ice cream on the end of her nose after precisely one bite. Smiling a little, Big Mac leaned back over the display. His dinnerplate-sized hoof lifted and he pointed to a bucket of butter pecan under the glass.
Lickity heat-prepped his scoop again, leaning down and serving up a new bowl for the stallion. “Uh, it’s on the house, mister Macintosh.” The stallion said with a smile. “It means a lot that you came in here after… what happened.” He said a little awkwardly.
“Nnnope.” Big Mac insisted with another little stack of bits, pushing them across the counter at him. He was far too big for one of the stools, so he elected to stand next to Applebloom instead. Lickity looked at the money. The crimson stallion had given him way too much for his ice cream, but no longer seemed interested in the money itself. Was it a gift? It seemed so. Perhaps to help repair the—!
Just then Derpy and Dinky Hooves poked their heads in. The wall-eyed mare rotated her head back and forth, trying to get a good depth perception and decide if the place was open. She spotted the pair eating at the bar and smiled grandly. “Oohh, looks like he’s open, Dinky!” Derpy said enthusiastically. The little filly squealed, rushing in much the same way Applebloom had to look at all the frozen treats. Then Doctor Whooves appeared at random. Then Carrot Top. Then Lyra and Bon-Bon. Then more ponies. Then more ponies after that. And then even more ponies after that! Soon they were lined up out the door. It seemed that just about everypony ignored the royal decree. Everywhere the story was the same, for word had travelled fast:
Lickity Split had done nothing wrong. His shop had been wrecked. The community owed him an apology for beating him, scorning his name, and then almost lynching him from a street corner lantern. What better way to say sorry than to give him business?
They stepped carefully around the shards of glass, herding foals around the mess to get in line like it was a buffet. The broken tables vanished, only to reappear hours later mysteriously fixed by the local carpentry ponies. Lickity Split sold more ice cream that day than he had ever done all at once. He found himself going into his freezer over and over to get new buckets of different flavors. It was practically a party inside and outside his little ice cream parlor. There wasn’t enough room for everypony to sit at the bar or at his tables, so they clustered outside to gossip and chatter amongst themselves. The stallion worked hard, and made way more bits than he thought he ever could in a day. Like Big Macintosh, some ponies gave a little extra out of the kindness of their hearts. It was a regular cash crowd! The stallion knew then that his shop would be okay, thanks to Ponyville's kindness.
=-=-=-=
Pinkamina stared at the wooden door of the tree library, then sighed and lifted her hoof. Knocking firmly, she waited patiently until Twilight Sparkle appeared in the doorway looking startled. “Pinkie… Pinkamina.” She said, wincing as she corrected herself. A quick glance over Twilight’s shoulder betrayed the presence of the others. “What’re you doing here?”
“More needs to be said, we had a night to stew on what I’d said so far.” The pink mare said. “Lickity is hiding at home, still a little traumatized I think. I came to speak with you all until everyone is satisfied.” There were mixed expressions around the table, but Twilight nodded wisely and invited her in. Pinkamina took her place at the table, and everypony sidled a little to make room for her. A fresh, chilled juice box made its way from a nearby cooler in front of her. “No thanks. I don’t like sweet things.” That sentence alone made hearts sink, and they knew Pinkie Pie was truly gone. “Meh…” Pinkamina sighed, grabbing the straw and taking a polite sip. This seemed to lift their spirits just a little. “Ask away. This is the part where you learn anything you don’t know already.” She said rather formally, her curtain-like mane falling over her eyes for a moment.
Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to launch into the first question, but another loud knocking at the door interrupted. Wondering who in Equestria that could be, Twilight went to answer the door and jumped back. A ghostly white mare with golden hair stood in the doorway. Next to her was Princess Luna herself, in full regalia, flanked by two lunar guards. Twilight fought the shriek that leapt up her throat, and she slowly closed the door in their faces. “We have… more company.” She said to the group. They turned to look, and Twilight quickly opened the door again. “Sorry, come in!” she said, and the ghostly pony bounced past her like she was made of rubber.
The blonde mare came to a quick stop next to Pinkamina, who’s eyes widened while her pupils turned into pinpricks. That mane! That face! That imbecilic expression! They could be twins! The goddess of the night bent a little so her horn wouldn’t get caught in the door frame, the lunar stallions taking up a position on either side of the door outside. There was a long silence, but it had only taken a few moments for everypony to make the connection.
It was Applejack who spoke next, a panicked voice making her shrill. “Oh mah Celestia there’s TWO OF THEM!” she pointed at Surprise and Pinkamina. “You made a SECOND Pinkie Pie are you insane?!” she rushed over to Princess Luna, tugging at her metallic cuff. “We could barely handle one and now there’s TWO of them! This could end civilization as we know it! Don’t know you know what she can DO!?” she was off on a rave, growing louder and more incredulous. “Seas and oceans boilin’! Tartarus’ mouth opening! Twen’ny years’ah darkness! CATS AND DOGS LIVING TOGETHER! TWO PINKIE PIES! MASS HYSTERIA---Yip!?” it was Fluttershy who had stepped forward and given Applejack a good slap to the face. Everyone winced. “H’oh… h’oh… thanks Fluttershy, I needed that.” Fluttershy smiled meekly, nodding a few times while she guided the farm pony back to the round table to rest a moment.
Luna’s expression was acidic, and she adjusted her cuff back to the way it was. “Well—” The goddess was interrupted while the mares looked Surprise over and murmured among themselves, sizing her up. She sure looked like Pinkie Pie, at least in the face and how she moved. She had four balloons on her flank, not three, and they were red. Very similar. The mane was blonde, but it was the same poofy-ness that Pinkie Pie’s mane had always had. It was as though someone had performed a color-swap on their friend and then only slightly changed the cutie mark. “This is—” Princess Luna tried again.
“You’ve been brought back from the dead!” They were pawing at her, as though to see if she was real.
“Yeah isn’t it cool I was totally about to move on to the great beyond but then I was like ‘nuuuu I have more to do’ and Luna was all ‘rawr you’re not all the way dead’ and then—” Rainbow Dash interrupted the bouncing white pony.
“So you are Pinkie Pie? Is that right? Our Pinkie Pie?” Rainbow Dash said, flicking her wings open to hover and examine Surprise from all different angles. “Well you sound like her, and you look like her, sort of…” she said, looking a little suspicious. “How do we know it’s not a trick or something?”
“SILENCE, LESBIAN!” Luna had had quite enough of being interrupted, and the Royal Canterlot Voice concussed like a blast of lightning. She slammed her massive hooves down, shaking the library on its foundations. Rainbow Dash’s face was scarlet. Her friends glanced at her. That was new information... There was a short silence before Fluttershy started giggling uncontrollably. “We have come back to inspect the strangeness of the half-soul we found in the space between spaces, and here stands the other half!” Luna gestured to the arch-browed Pinkamina. “What say you, pink one?!” she shuddered the window-sills with her thundering voice.
“You executed Pinkie Pie. I am innocent and told no lies about Lickity Split.” Pinkamina held up a pristine shield of words that struck the room into silence for a long time. “I am Pinkamina, you see…” She ran through an explanation about the split personalities. I shall not bore my dear reader with repeated information.
“Thy words are true, we suppose.” Luna said after some pause, her hoof lifting to stroke her chin. “Then, with all such facts exposed, there was no assault to begin with. THOU slept with Lickity Split, not Pinkie Pie. She merely awoke to find him in her bed!” Pinkamina nodded a few times.
Surprise was taking it all in, for it was new information to her. “Surprise!” She launched herself into the air like she had Torretes syndrome. “I’m totally glad I didn’t get date-raped or executed permanently can you be not-permanently executed I’m not dead just separated from my body which I gotta say looks really good with that long mane are we gonna be separate forever that’s prolly a good idea since now we know we’ve got two me’s to worry about and we’re so different while the—” The royal hoof came up and stuffed itself into Surprise’s mouth, making everyone sigh in relief.
“Surprise speaks the truth. There are truly two of you now, and it would do no good to combine you again. The strange cycles of sharing one body would start over.” The princess thought for a moment, very careful to NOT take her hoof out of Surprise’s mouth. “Suppose we left thou separate, could you both function as individuals?” The pink mare nodded. The white mare nodded (despite the giant hoof in her mouth). “Then it is settled. Both will remain separate, but equal!” she said with a flourish. “Welcome back to the land of the living, Surprise! You are the new Pinkie Pie!” The mane six cheered!
End of Part 9
Epilogue
Seeing the Pattern
Part 10: Epilogue
Pinkamina hauled the final box and hefted it into the bonfire. All the papers and scribbles and candid photographs started to curl and brown. It had been almost a month with no sign of the Pinkie Sense from either Surprise or herself. It was safe to say that, somehow, with their separation, the ability had left them. It depressed Pinkamina to know she could no longer foresee the deaths of others and try to prevent them. She wasn’t an especially friendly mare, but she had to admit toying with the universal design had been rather thrilling while it lasted.
Surprise had tried to throw her a ‘congratulations on getting your life back and moving in with your coltfriend’ party, but she’d dryly refused in favor of a rather normal cook-out at Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack and her family were hosting the get-together. Pinkamina could already see the alternate motif of examining her in a social setting. The pink mare wasn’t stupid. The scowl she wore on her face was a knowing one.
Poking the bonfire and standing at her side, Lickity Split smiled gently at her and chanced nuzzling her in public. She scowled at him more deeply, but allowed it. When nopony was looking her tail twitched and swatted his butt with mild affection, making him jump. She would need to get used to this new and public life. She hadn’t been in full control of herself since age… what… ten? Twelve? Before she’d gotten her cutie mark, that was for sure. The dark circles under her eyes had vanished, for full nights of sleep had made her into a much healthier mare.
“Pinkamina?” Lickity said with concern as she watched her life’s work curl up in black heat. “Are you gonna be okay, now that all this is officially over?” he nodded towards the boxes they’d been burning since the start of the party. With the Pinkie Sense gone there seemed to be little point to hanging on to it all. It would only remind her of the angry, sleepless nights.
“Yes. I’ll be fine.” Pinkamina said. There was a passing look between them, one of genuine affection. The pink mare was hard-pressed to know how to express herself facially. Having been all alone for so long, she’d not really needed to use her face for much. Fluttershy had mentioned that it made her look hawkish, since even when hawks were happy they seemed to be glaring at the world. A good analogy. “I’ll just need to find something new to do, is all. Surprise is the new Pinkie Pie, so she’s working at Sugar Cube Corner.” She gestured at the white mare who was chatting animatedly at one of the picnic tables with her friends.
“Well, if you still wanna save lives,” Lickity said gently, stoking the flames of the bonfire a bit. “Maybe go for the fire brigade? Or a medical job?” he listed a few things off.
“I’m not very fireproof. And I really don’t want to spend the next ten years getting a medical degree.” Pinkamina shook her head with a loud sigh. “I don’t know what I want right now, and its already been a month. I can’t just work in an ice cream parlor for the rest of my life.” She winced inwardly when she saw his troubled expression. “Well, what I meant was, it’s not my special talent. I really don’t have one, truth be told. Pinkie Pie was the party pony, and now surprise has almost the same mark anyway.” Pop! Just like that, the three balloons on her flank vanished. Lickity startled back, his mouth agape. Pinkamina turned to look, rather openly shocked.
“Oh my Celestia lookit that!” The Cutie Mark Crusaders had materialized out of the crowd of milling ponies. “Pinkamina’s got no cutie mark! She’s a blank flank like us!” Applebloom announced, and more than a few heads turned. The pink mare flushed hotly, scowling at the three fillies. “You wanna join the Cutie Mark Crusaders?!” she was bouncing up and down excitedly. “We look for our cutie marks ev’r single day!”
She ignored the bouncing fillies entirely, sighing in a tired way until they gave up following her across the barbecue’s grounds. “Why did that take a month to happen?” Pinkamina pondered, lifting her back leg a little. “Did I just have to acknowledge it?” Nopony could seem to figure it out, and Lickity Split pawed at it a little. She kicked him firmly and he yelped, smiling apologetically. Troubled, Pinkamina roamed to get another dandelion burger and take her place at the head of one of the picnic tables.
“Hey Pinkamina.” Said Twilight Sparkle, trying to be friendly.
“Hey.” She said, lifting her burger before deciding she needed salt and ketchup. “How is Surprise doing?”
“Just fine. She’s basically Pinkie Pie in another body. Just a different color.” Twilight chuckled good-naturedly. They both knew it was true. Surprise had taken to her new body with all the gusto one would expect from their sugar-wired friend. “So tell me, what’re you going to do now? Will you stay in Ponyville?” she said in a low voice, curious.
“I’m going to stay with Lickity Split.” Pinkamina said around her burger. Both mares turned and watched the stallion prancing about with the three fillies. They’d roped him into being a playmate for the time being. Cantering around the barn and through the milling ponies, they were helping to light the lanterns hanging off of the barn as the dusk drew deeper. It was the end of summer, the night would grow chilly if they didn’t stoke the bonfire and light a few lights. “He’s been… kind to me, through all of this.” The pink mare said carefully. Twilight Sparkle watched Lickity play with the fillies, laughing when one of them decided to climb on his back and be mare of the mountain. This of course brought the other two to tackle him down to get at her. Big Mac watched from afar, quite happy that for once he was not the mountain.
“You and Lickity Split, huh?” Twilight said with a smirk, watching the fillies conquer the poor stallion and climb all over him trying to get at each other. Pinkamina nodded slowly. “I’m happy for you.” She said, smiling genuinely for her. Pinkamina bit into her dandelion burger, watching the crowd of ponies chatting, laughing, eating, and having a good time in her honor. It was a good feeling, she supposed, to fully become a part of the community rather than skulk in shadow. It would just take some getting used to. While she was eating, though, she paused. Something felt funny. Her brow furrowed and her eyes darted around. Something wasn’t right. Twilight saw her scowling and looked around as well. “What? What is it?” A strange, electric feeling was buzzing in the back of Pinkamina’s mind. It worked its way slowly down her spine, making her shudder a little. “Pinkamina?” Twilight’s voice seemed to be fading into the background while the pink mare squinted around the party.
The buzzing feeling traveled down her back, slowly to her tail until TWITCHY-TWITCHY-TWITCH! Pinkamina rose quickly from her seat with a panicked expression, snatching Twilight Sparkle’s burger right off of her plate. “Sorry.” She quickly turned and baseball-pitched it over the crowd! No one seemed to notice the flying food. Over where Lickity Split was playing with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, an old barn lantern’s rope snapped. The lantern fell, spilling its oil out onto the four of them. They looked up just in time to see the lantern tumble through the air, the bright flame threatening within. Something struck it in midair, making it spin off course and away from them. Scootaloo screamed! It fell with an explosion of glass and oil, whooshing briefly into flame. Thankfully, it hadn't hit any of them. Big Macintosh rushed onto the scene, stamping it out with his massive hooves before the whole barn went up in flame. Lickity and the three fillies froze on the spot, fearful. That could’ve fallen right onto them and set them on fire!
“Pinkamina, how did you—?!” Twilight was silenced and Pinkamina quickly sat and shoved her hoof into the lavender mare’s mouth. The two of them exchanged a serious, long gaze. The crowd was rushing over to make sure the four ponies were okay, but Pinkamina and Twilight stayed at their seats, their eyes locked.
“I didn’t. You didn’t see anything.” said Pinkamina slowly. “The wind must’ve knocked it loose. It was a lucky thing it didn’t land on them.” She said in a low growl, programming the story that Twilight would tell to anyone who asked her. The librarian nodded slowly, her eyes still wide with shock. Pinkamina ripped her dandelion burger in half and put the bigger half she hadn’t bitten off of onto Twilight’s plate to conceal the evidence. Hunching low so it looked like she’d never risen from her seat, the pink mare slowly looked over her shoulder to check on the four of them. They were being wiped down of the oil and the three fillies coddled. Everything would be okay, nothing bad happened, there there. Lickity Split looked a little rattled but otherwise okay. “I’m… going to get some air.” Pinkamina rose slowly from her seat, stuffing the last of her burger into her mouth. Twilight nodded slowly, watching her go. Pinkamina left the barn unnoticed, for everyone was making sure Lickity and the fillies were okay. The door was pressed slowly shut.
“We have you now, Pinkamina.” A haughty voice greeted her from the darkness beyond the edges of the bonfire party. “You’ve done exactly what we told you not to.”
Pinkamina stood stalwart against the massive shadow. “Keep your voice down, Princess. This is a happy day.” She walked, side by side with darkness. The earth pony and the alicorn regarded one another cautiously, both of them very dangerous for very different reasons. They walked along a silent path amongst the orchards.
“Dost thou mean to continue preventing deaths, despite our warnings to the contrary?” Princess Luna growled at her as they went past apple tree after apple tree. “Dost thou not fear my wrath anymore?”
“Well, technically your threat has already been carried out.” Pinkamina said in a very business-like way. “I disobeyed you. You killed me. Pinkie Pie was my sacrificial lamb. You cannot punish anypony for the same crime twice.”
“Pinkie Pie was punished for lying, and even that turned out to be false. Thou must not twist our words.” Luna said, careful to keep her voice down and not panic the local populace. Pinkamina read her like a book. If she stayed calm and collected, so would the alicorn. Don’t show fear, don’t show shock, she would be fine. “I promised to execute you if you prevented another death. By fate’s design, that stallion or one of those fillies was meant to die by the flames.”
“Which one?” Pinkamina asked.
“We are not sure. The threads of fate grow more complex when more than one pony is involved. All we know is that one of them would’ve burned to death.” The Princess spoke of the agonizing death as though it were tomorrow’s lunch. How jaded she was. Pinkamina frowned, waiting for her to continue. “We have come to deliver one final warning, pink one.” The goddess stopped and turned to her. The full moon silhouetted them against the night, casting long shadows. If one were to look at the ground, one would think that Pinkamina stood just as tall as the princess herself. “If thou prevent-est any more deaths, for any reason, something terrible wilst happen to thou. And we do not mean the wrath of ourselves.” She raised a powerful hoof in warning. “Your time as a preventer of death is over. Move on and embrace thy stallion. Raise a family. Get a normal profession. Live a normal life.” There was a long silence, Pinkamina refused to speak. They scowled at each other. The dark alicorn took wing before long, leaving her alone with her thoughts.
A familiar itch began to work on Pinkamina’s mind. Just out of the corner of her eye, she saw something. Turning her head, she stared at it. There was a figure standing far away, among the apple orchard’s trees. She could barely make him out, but it was definitely a stallion. His eyes glowed red in the moonlight, and a thick cloak hung over his body. The hood all but concealed his face, but she could see even from the distance he had no lips. Pinkamina’s eyes widened in horror when she saw the skeletal face turn towards the moonlight to watch the princess of the night fly away. Death? In pony form? He turned to look at her again with his burning, otherworldly gaze. There was a hatred in his gaze, a frustrated and burning hatred. The pink mare glanced at the alicorn in the sky as she hit the horizon and headed towards Canterlot. When she turned her head back to him the stallion was gone, replaced only by a dissipating wisp of black mist. It had been a warning. A brief and terrible warning, to see death incarnate.
Her time as a preventer of death was over, the Princess had said. “No Princess. It’s not over.” She whispered stubbornly. Pinkamina’s curtain-like mane hung low over her face for a few moments as her head dipped towards the ground. There was a sparkle of magic on her dull pink flank. A white skull appeared on her rump, crossed by a black scythe. “After all… it’s my special talent.” Her horrific smile returned and she turned her gaze to the moon, grinning impishly. She didn’t need her papers, pictures, or research anymore. The Pinkie Sense was hers, and now she could understand it. Her mind slowly expanded, grasping the metaphysical meanings of all the Pinkie Sense had to offer. It was beautiful. “I’ve only just begun.”
THE END