---

What WAS I thinking?

Why must I meddle in other people’s business.

I could feel a sigh of regret pour from my open, panting mouth.

If there was something about me that you should know it’s that I’m probably going to die. Well. I suppose there might be more you should know.. nonetheless I’m knocking on death’s door.

Though, not willingly.

These moral-lacking assholes who have me in chains are helping me with that quite nicely; the barrel to my head and all.

Bastards.

They’re all hot headed and upset just because I tried to take a little bit of money. It’s not like it was even a lot; just a couple million bits

That’s nothing.

The stallion in front of me, attempting to show his masculinity by shoving the grime covered cannon into my mouth. All I can think about is why it taste’s so god-awful and how he was definitely getting off shoving the thing down my throat.

What a pig. Why was thi-

Before I could finish my thought, I was rudely interrupted by his hoarse, ear shattering voice.

“Dun worry!” He said in such a loving tone “Boss’ll be right in!”

This stallion had such a way with words; really knows how to make a mare feel at home.

Bastard.

Suddenly the boss burst through the door. A rust colored earth pony, cowboy hate, spurs, and lit cigarette hanging in his enormous grin ridden mouth. He was just as dirty as the others, but pulled it off much better. Slowly striding his way over to me; a small cyan blue pegasus pony, tied down and a grimy gun in my mouth. That crooked smile of his seemed to stretch from ear to ear. With a deep breath he blew a large puff of cancerous smoke in my face.

“Well there, Miss Dash. Pleasure to finally meet yah. The infamous bounty hunter Rainbow Dash.” His voice was as smooth as sandpaper. Deep, rough, and aged to perfection. Yet somehow topped with a hint of asshole, sarcasm, and devious intent.

“Yah’ve been hired to..” He began to trot around me. “Take me out, eh?”

A burly laugh echoed in the poorly decorated room. By decorated I mean kegs of sarsparilla and dirt. Lots of dirt.

“Ahm afraid I cannot let yah do that” I felt his hoof wrap around my waist “Miss Rainbow Dash.”

In that instant, I wanted to spin around and drop the perv right there. Though, these chains were making that a bit difficult at the moment.

“mmmmimmfmmammkmmi.” I stated furiously, though my words didn’t seem to get the full effect with a mouth full of steel.

“Bahahaha!” The bastard was cackling like a witch as he slid his hooves up my body toward my chest. I jerked about in the chain harness; to no avail. “Yah really are a feisty one aren’t yah?”

“Kill her.” His voice now cold and stern.

Rewind
relax.

---

Desert.

That's all this Celestia-forsaken planet was. Just. Desert.

The desert sun was scorching as usual, but felt kind of nice compared to our last endeavor.

"Derpy! Are you almost done fixing this thing yet?" I called out to my faithful companion who I hadn't seen in some time. A barrage of clanking and banging erupted from the hull below me followed by a few muffle curses. Finally a head popped out of the circle shaped doorway. A grey mare with a beautiful blond mane and offset derpy eyes, popped out with a smile on her grease covered face.

"Hey Dash! I'm almost done!"

I wish I could be so damn carefree as that bubbly mare.

"Good job Derp!" I showered her with my usual appreciation as I smiled. "I'm ready to get the money and get off of this fiery hell hole." Derpy smiled and fell back into the space cruiser style ship.

I quickly stretched out my wings and stood up against the blazing sun. I sighed and turned toward the hatch of the ship and proceeded to jump down after my comrade. The walls were covered with thousands upon thousands knobs, switches, levers, gauges, and lights. The long narrow walkway that leaded to the medical room, cargo area, and beds was lined with wires, tubes, and a metal grate on the floor. The cockpit was on the other side, and by far the nicest part of our ship. It may not have looked the nicest on the inside, but no ship in the galaxy could outrun this baby.

No ponies could operate like us either.

Derpy had herself wedged behind some piping, soldering some lose wires together. I smiled and made my way toward the cockpit and sat down in my chair.

"We almost ready to head to the nearest town? Celestia knows I'm starving my ass off here." Derpy quickly jumped up toward the cockpit with and plopped in her seat.

"We're all good Captain Dashie!" She said with her usual ecstatic behavior. Her enormous smile was enough to melt anyponies heart. It was also insanely contagious. I couldn't help but smile.

"Let's get goin' eh?" I reached over and grabbed my black sunglasses and slid them on.

If I'm gonna fly, I'm gonna fly in style.

---

Author’s Notes: Hey everypony! This is a random burst of inspiration I’ve had! I know I was taking a break until after the holidays but I can’t stop! :p

Anyway, this is like My Little Pony in an alternate universe. A very Trigun/Cowboy Bebop/Outlaw Star sort of universe. Rainbow Dash is known around the galaxy as an infamous bounty hunter along with her sidekick Derpy Hooves! Derpy is of course her usual derpy-self but extremely talented when it comes to repairing and keeping their ship in tip-top shape! Their ship is a custom one, lacking charm to add power making it one of the fastest ships in the galaxy. It’s name is the Apus; the constellation for the bird of paradise.

I’m also trying a different style of writing this. While it may not always be grammatically correct or be the right formatting but it must be understood that text placement, size, etc. is a main force of this story. Stylistic things such as that are super important here. So don’t judge it harshly on silly things like that, I assure you it’s all for the effect. :3

This is just going to be a fun side story since my main concern right now is Bioshock: Equestria :D.

By: BroSteve (Steven Rodriquez)

---

“Derpy you have outdone yourself! The Apus is running smoother than ever!” I exclaimed to my gray Pegasus friend zipping through the scorching hot desert.

“Thank you, Captain Dash!” she said practically jumping out of her seat.

She was such an excitable pony and ditzy most of the time, but Celestia damned I had never seen a better mechanic in my life. She was the only pony in the New Galaxy that could keep my baby running smoothly.

“So what are we doing here again?” It’s so hot here.”

“Derp, I’ve been tipped off that a certain Big Macintosh has the job of a lifetime.” A grim smile crept it’s way on to my face as the sheer thought of it gave me the goosebumps. “500 million bits have been stolen from him by an unknown source.” I could feel Derpy’s eyes straighten as the grew wide looking at me.

“F-f-five hundred million bits?! That’s a lot! How did you manage to find this out?!” She asked me energetically.

“Remember our old friend from the Space Colony Stallionite?”

She put a hoof to her chin as she was in deep thought. Finally, her eyes lit up. “Oh! You mean Miss. Rarity?”

“Bingo!” I yelled a little to loud. “She sent me a message tipping me off to it. Told me to go meet a mare named Raindrops I don’t know what ties she was there but I’m so thankful we’ve got friends in high places.” I smiled looking at my copilot. My gaze was suddenly interrupted by an ear shattering ringing coming from the monitor in front of me.

Buzzt! Buzzt! Buzzt!

The image of a dark green coated stallion flashed up on the screen followed by a low dry voice. “You need permission to land in this city. You have a- type C aircraft which requires a payment of 100 bits to acquire a license.”

“One hundred bits! Are you crazy?! Celestia fuck me, that’s robbery!” I screamed at the green stallion.

He assured me he was not crazy and it was either 100 bits or they will shoot us out of the sky. I wanted to tell him to shove it but my logical thinking got the best of me.

Lucky bastard.

After we landed and paid the green stallion, who happened to be much more intimidating in person, his hundred bits we walked toward the main street of the town.

“I need a drink, besides we have some time to kill before we meet up with Raindrops.” As soon as the words left my lips I spotted the local saloon approaching us quickly.

The whole city was a mix of new technology and old steam powered machinery. It was a bizarre mix of old and new. The dirt roads were filled with dozens of ponies going about their everyday lives. Vendors selling apples to passing ponies, street performers playing lyras and drums and of course a few strung out looking ponies wondering about. The scariest part was, it seemed everypony here had some sort of weapon on them. It kind of made me a little nervous.

We quickly made our way into the saloon were upon opening the doors, received a roomful of eyes focused on us. Derpy hid behind me at the sight of every dirty pony eying us up. “Don’t show them any fear Derp.” I turned to her and smiled before continuing walking in. We took a seat toward the edge of the room and made ourselves comfortable. I began to literally drool over the prize ahead of us. We both talked about what we were going to do with all of that money. Derpy yelled out that we could finally buy our own space docking station for the Apus so she could easily repair it faster. Eventually a waitress pony trotted her way over to us. She was wearing one of the most provocative maid outfits I had ever seen.

I like this place.

I very flirtatiously ordered a sarsaparilla shot and Derpy ordered some carrot juice. She wasn’t one to drink. Poor girl doesn’t know what she’s missing.

“Yah know, Big Macintosh is the LAST pony you want to cross.”

I quickly downed my shot, feeling the burning sensation travel it’s way down my throat.

“So now he’s hiring somepony to retrieve what was stolen. First pony to do so receives half the money.” I could see my beautiful assistant’s eyes light up. Even she could realize that was A LOT of bits. My grin, now overtaking my face as I imagined myself swimming in a sea of bits while maid ponies in skimpy outfits delivered me sarsaparilla.

“250 million bits! This is big! This is like NOTHING we’ve ever done before. Just picture it Derp, all the muffins you can eat!”

I thought she was going to explode of happiness at that last little tidbit of information.

After discussing the glorious idea and job that was soon to make us the richest mares in this side of the galaxy, I felt something cold against my back, in the shape of a cylinder.

“Hello there ladies.” a beautiful sounding voice filled my ears as I just imagined what sort of beauty was standing behind me. My daydreams were quick to burst as I felt the cylinder push harder into my back. “Get up, nice and slow, and walk into the back alley. Don’t try anything dumb. I’m not alone.”

This sort of thing always happens to me. I swear.

I quietly obliged as Derpy and I rose and began to walk toward the back door.

The blazing desert suns instantly made me wish I was back in the cool saloon enjoying some more drinks staring at that irresistible waitress pony. I quickly noticed a stallion dressed in a long trench coat waiting for us outside the door.

That damn beautiful voice spoke again. “Here yah go boss.” She gave us a push forward, knocking us on our stomachs in front of the stallion in front of us.

“Well there ladies! It’s nice to meet you.” His cheery, yet dark, Scoltland accent filled my ears as his face finally came into.

Seriously?

This guy.. again.

If there is something about me you should know, it’s that I hate this guy. This gray stallion with his black mane striped with yellow showed up everywhere we did. No matter what kind of situation we end up in, he’s always right on our tail trying to steal the glory from us.

“I overheard your conversation about wanting to help out the Big Macintosh and collect that very generous amount of bits he’s offering.” His accent made me want to vomit.

I just grinned. “Listen here Jet. I’m going to get those bits and be the savior here. Not you. How about you stop riding my flank, trying to ride off of my glory and my success. You dumbass.” I stood up to the large stallion in front of us; infuriated.

His face erupted in a devilish grin as he spoke “Oh Dash, you should know by now that I am the.. superior bounty hunter. I do believe it’s you who has been, as you so elegantly put it, riding MY flank.” He kicked off the trench coat to reveal a copper sleeve that covered his entire foreleg. It was lined with batteries, wires, cogs, and lights. One large green light stood out above the rest. “I’d like to show you my newest invention, dear.” Two spiked rods shot out from the end of the device and electricity surged between the two tips.

I looked in horror as the electricity began to spark in front of me. I quickly looked back to Derpy who was holding back tears it seemed.

Don’t worry girl, I’m not gonna let this asshole hurt you.

“So what are you gonna do, shock me? I’d like to see you catch me first!” With that, I bucked the pony holding onto, causing the other to fall back as well. I quickly jumped back and drew the gun from my belt, holding it in my teeth as I aimed at the mare holding Derpy back.

I felt so good up until that beautiful, yet evil, mares horn started to glow drawing out a gun and pointing it at Derpy.

“Oh Rainbow Dash, did you really think I simply let you get away with this? I can have her killed just like that.”

In an instant the two sharply tipped rods extended out and ripped through my flesh. Before I could even have time to scream, electricity flared through the rods and into my body. I heard Derpy scream in pain, despite the current fluctuating through my body; I'm worried about her and not myself.

If there is one thing you should know about me it’s that Derpy is my very best friend. She's been there with me through it all.

I'd give my life for that mare.

---

Ow.

Every muscle in my body ached and screamed in pain as the realization of the world and all it's senses quickly flooded over my mind. As soon as I began to get used to the pain I felt something soft under and around me.

A bed?

I slowly raised myself from the mattress as I looked around; confused as to what I'm doing here. Last I remembered I was being electrocuted.

"Derpy..?" I cried out as my heart began to race; where was she? I heard her scream, but that's all.

I quickly jumped out of the bed and onto my hooves. A sharp pain raced through my hind leg where the rods had punctured deep into my skin.

I ignored the pain.

I quickly dashed toward the door kicking it open before realizing, I didn't know where I was. This room, the hallway just outside. None of it looked familiar to me. Derpy and I lived in the ship, we had no definite place to call home. So where was I? Where was she?!

The hallway was furnished with grime covered walls lined with torn and faded paintings; either deteriorating from time or covered in blood. The wood floor was filled with holes leading down to the floor below which looked just as dirty. Two dim light bulbs threw their yellowish glow throughout the hallway. I couldn't see anypony. I took a few steps out and to the left.

"Glad to see you are awake, Miss." An older voice hauntingly echoed through the hallway from behind me.

I nearly had a heart attack.

I quickly turned around to face the mysterious voice to see an old stallion. His face covered with wrinkles, his short mane now a light gray and his coat a dull yellow with a pair of metallic wings as his cutie mark.

"Wh-who in the name of Celestia are you?!" I quickly reacted, taking a defensive stance.

His face lit up and his lips curled holding back laughter. "I'm Iron Wings. I'm the best mechanic slash inventor this side of the Macciote Desert.”

---

Author's Notes: Hey guys! Finally back from my writing break! I don't really know where I'm going with this story. Just sort of writing it for fun :) hope you enjoy.

PS: I've never seen Firefly.