It had all started over cake. Lousy, good for nothing cake.

"Twilight Sparkle!"

"I'm so sorry, Princess, but it was for your own good!" Twilight pleaded at the furious monarch's hooves.

"Please, Sister, think of the good w-"

"Silence, Luna!" a low growl rolled from Celestia's lips as she stared down her 'beloved' sister, "You, too, would see fit to betray me once more, so soon after your return?"

Twilight stared, open mouthed, "Surely, your highness" her voice dripped with sarcasm, overflowing with barely-restrained malice, "You're overreac-"

"I am not over-reacting to this foul subterfuge, whelp." Celestia boomed.

A purple hoof furiously stomped the ornate marble tile, cracking it, giving even Luna pause, and Twilight was on her side.

"You forget, Princess, that I study under you for your knowledge, not your power. It is far more than apparent to the both of us who the more powerful spell-caster is." Twilight's eyes gleamed, dark pupils washed out to the purest of whites, whiter than snow, "If we had staged a coup, this would have been a different matter. We would have won, for instance, in mere moments. We did not. Princess, we put you on a diet for your own good."

"I do not need to diet!" Celestia shrieked, her usual mantle of grace falling from her shoulders and forever marred in Twilight's eyes. Luna just sighed a low, defeated sigh.

"You have gotten plump your highness. Round. Rotund. Hefty." Twilight furiously approached the ruler, who had started to gaze around the room searching for an exit she knew for a fact wasn't there, "You move the sun, but I'm no longer sure that isn't just your gravity, the royal tailors have started measuring your inseam in lightyears your highness, or should I say your royal wideness?!"

Luna shook her head sadly. This could never end well.

"Well!" Celestia shrilled, "At least I wasn't a lush like Luna be-"

*Slap*

"No." Twilight simply stated as the glow from her horn dissipitated, but not the glow from her eyes. None looked more shocked than Luna herself, though Celestia rubbed a hoof against her affronted cheek, an amusingly stunned look on her usually so impassive face.

"T-Tw-Twilight?" Luna stammered in apprehension.

"I get you're on a sugar low, your wideness, but that does not excuse what you just said." Twilight was on fire, literally, tendrils of smoke drifted from her mane as her unchecked magic escaped in the lowest form of entropy; heat. Her voice, however, was as cold as a Windigo in the shadow of a night's breeze.

"What, do you 'like' her, do you?!" Celestia snapped

Well, until the realization kicked in at least.

"You do... You have a crush on Luna." Celestia breathed.

Luna blushed. Twilight sneered as the adrenaline surged through her allowing her to make dumb, bad, awful decisions effortlessly.

Twilight said one word, one word that would be the harbinger of all things to come. Two syllables that would forever seal her fate.

"Jealous?"

Luna's blush drained from her face, going as alabaster white as her sister, whilst Celestia turned red with irate irateness.

She was too furious  to think of a second adje- Furious! That's it! She was red with irate fury.

"I am most cetainleek eei eep chi!" Celestia squealed indignantly. Indecipherable to all but Twilight and Luna who had been around Celestia for most of their natural lives.

"Really?" Twilight deadpanned.

More high pitched squeaks and squeals as Celestia attempted to regain her composure.

"That is none of your business!" Luna shrieked in kind, her face a raspberry swirl of horrified paleness and mortified blush.

"With whipped cream." Twilight nodded, causing Luna to hide behind her mane and blend into the shadows. It might have worked at night, but in broad daylight?

The monarch of the sun made some rather undignified high-pitched gurgles.

"Yes, the whipped cream we are denying you to eat. Luna, however-"

Windows cracked as Celestia tilted. As Luna made a valiant effort to melt into the floor Celestia's body tilted on a dangerous angle, her left half attempting to step back in shock, her right half taking a step forward in rage.

It speaks to the tension of the situation that when Celestia finally toppled Twilight didn't even blink.

"That is EET!" Celestia squeaked, going so far into illegibility she reached a semblance of recognition from the other end,

"Twilight Sparkle! For the crime of treason!-""I was in defence of the Royal Waistline!""-You are banished from Equestria! To be imprisoned in a dark dungeon in the place you were banished to!"

Twilight paused in her advance in shock. She blinked the glowing energy out of her eyes, the last of the adrenaline and energy leaving her body in a rush.

"Celestia!" Luna admonished. Celestia shot her a glare and Luna once more became one with the floor.

"You were the one that ordered the royal chefs to switch to a low fat, low sodium, low sugar diet, dear sister." Celestia hissed, "You are lucky most of my ire is directed towards my faithful student right now."

"B-banishment?" Twilight stammered, falling on her plot as her hind legs gave way whilst her brain was focused on more important concerns than such petty things as 'remaining upright'. "But what of my studies of friendship?" Twilight cried, all defiance in her well beyond the horizon. "What of my friends?"

"You should have learned, by now Twilight, tha-"

The air grew silent, not even the sound of breathing filled the chamber. Beads of sweat dropped down the back of Twilight's neck as Celestia's suddenly all-too-calm expression drove into her. Those flat, impassive eyes, not a single emotion passed their watery depths.

Least of all mercy.

"Twilight Sparkle, your punishment shall not be banishment." Not Celestia, her mentor, but The reigning Princess of the Day addressed the trembling unicorn, "You are instead to be sent to remedial classes, to learn of your mistakes. These mistakes are of such an inconceivably foalish level that I find only one level deemed fitting of your... Lapses in judgement."

Twilight's eyes slammed open like a whip crack, but her face read far more like that of something that had been whipped.

"Princess?! Surely you aren't suggesting I redo my doctorate in dietary medicine?! I know you disagree with my diagnosis, but we ho-"

"No, Twilight. You are hereby mandated to pass magic Kindergarten."

"As a teacher?"

"No."

It had all started with cake.

"Twilight Sparkle!" Miss Butterscotch admonished, "You can day-dream in naptime like the rest of the class."

The scholar, Doctor Twilight Sparkle, the unicorn with more letters after her name than in it, grumbled and went back to stacking colourful blocks.

Next Chapter: The School Belle Tolls For Thee Estimated time remaining: 12 Minutes