The first time I woke up in the magical pony land, I was horrifically transformed in a forest. The second time, I found myself bound in a dungeon. This time, the third time, I was sprawled out in a plush bed. If there was a contest, I knew which nap was winning it. Sitting up, I found that my claws had poked little holes in a duvet that had been placed over me while I was sleeping. Through little slits, tiny down feathers poked out. I set the cover aside daintily, stepping out of bed while trying to do as little damage as possible.

Seemingly confident in my damage mitigation, I stood up proudly. Hearing a jostling choir of ‘clings’ above my head, I looked up, only to find that there was a sudden weight bearing down on my skull. It was on my antlers, I realised.

Turning in a circle, each movement produced that same choir of clicks. I looked desperately about myself. In the corner of my eye, I saw movement. There was not a stranger in here with me, it was the synchronous shifting of my reflection in a mirror. Steadying myself so that I didn’t topple over, I shimmied over to what was a full-length floor mirror for ponies. Oh god, please no. I winced at the sight before me, my misshapen head ducking low enough to be seen. There was a golden chandelier with dangling glass crystals thoroughly lodged on my head.

As I flailed about, there was a sudden knock at the suite’s door. Honestly, it was a solid ‘thunk thunk’, like a horse trying to be spiderman up a wall. I panicked for a second, desperately trying to look above my own head and get the chandelier off of me instead of answering the door and asking for a moment like a rational person. Admittedly, I wasn’t feeling in a particularly intelligent state of mind at the time.

As I jostled around, looking to dislodge my impromptu hat, the door opened up, revealing a unicorn stood in the doorway. I could tell it was a mare, they had a fairly recognizable facial structure. She was dressed head to toe (hoof?) in what was without a shred of doubt the most functional and least sexualized french-maid uniform that I had ever seen. Forever embarrassing me, she was the very first pony who didn’t react to me in abject horror. Instead, she wore the most soul-crushingly nonplussed deadpan, staring at me as I froze. Towering high in the room, practically scraping the ceiling, I stood stock still with my head fixated on the pony.

Perhaps she was able to detect my raw mortification at the situation under my antler-skull. Pausing for a second to survey the room, her horn lit with a subdued cream glow and the ornate chandelier twisted for a second before lifting cleanly off of my head. With a bit of floating, it clicked via a hook back onto the ceiling. Turning back to me as I shielded my antlers with a hand, the pony gave me a curt nod.

“Good evening. You are ‘The Porter,’ yes?” I opened my mouth to respond, but the pony didn’t skip a beat. “You have slept through the afternoon. The princesses have requested that you join them for dinner in the royal dining hall. Please follow me.” In a fluid movement, she turned around and started walking through the halls. Dipping my head low under the doorway, I made to follow her.

I didn’t have the heart to make conversation with the maid pony, instead following silently and observing our surroundings as we made our way through the castle halls. Their beauty was a good way of diverting my focus away from recent blunders. With halls of stone, but ornate decorations of ambiguous age, the princesses’ palace looked like what fantasy tried to sell noble European life as, all without the dysentery and plague. Every few metres, a torch sconce kept the halls lit, even though daylight still streamed through the numerous windows and light features. It was perhaps most impressive that the ponies had been able to reach the developmental capacity to make something this beautiful, but hadn’t fallen into dull, sterile modern building design styles in the process. Eventually, climbing higher and higher in the palace, we made our way to a room flanked by double doors. Behind the oak, I could hear faint shouts and laughter. Guards stood at its entrance, who both nodded curtly at the maid, but otherwise gave no discernable reactions.

“Presenting The Porter at Their Highnesses joint command.” The maid intoned, as if in an oft-rehearsed ritual.

“Presenting The Porter!” The pair of guards called out while opening the heavy wooden doors. I was guided inside by a firm hoof to my back and, upon crossing the threshold, found the doors closed behind me.

In stark contrast to the rigid scene outside, the mood inside the room was decidedly raucous. At either ends of a dining table, I could see both Equestrian princesses sitting over plates of food. A lonely pair of empty bottles on the floor suggested that the wine I saw Luna pouring into her cup was not the first one to be filled this evening. On the far side of the room, an inviting fire roared, fresh logs having recently been tossed into its maw. And above the fireplace, elaborate tapestries hung. They depicted various ponies and bizarre mythological species all dining at this very same table, Celestia appearing in each decoration. Keeping the room lit, numerous sconces and candelabras kept warm flames illuminating each corner of the room. Showing care to not tear up a nice rug underfoot as I moved, I made my way to the dining table.

Credit: lunarcakez

“Brian!” Luna shouted, noticing me and lowering her drink, “Thou hast arrived! We were just talking about you. Take a seat!” With a quick flash of her horn, a stout stool appeared in the middle of the table, between the princesses at either end.

As her seat was consumed by a golden glow, Celestia cantered backwards. Turning to face me, she adopted what appeared to be an earnestly penitent face.

“I owe you an apology.” I was somewhat caught off guard by the admission, but tried to nod gracefully and moved to take my seat. I knew that Celestia had caught me in a rather compromising position, shedding blood with her sister. Still, hearing some semblance of regret for the ensuing firestorm was nice.

“Thou dost, sister!” Luna chimed in as I sat down in front of my plate, leaning over her side of the table and bringing a hoof angrily down on the wood. Seemingly reigniting some previous argument, her sister’s exclamation angered Celestia.

“However, I do not owe you anything, Luna. I told you explicitly, lock the creature up and spar with your guards. How was I supposed to react to find it lunging at you, half impaled on your spear, your blood on its claws!”

“And we have told you, sister, we are our own pony and can make decisions for ourselves! We expect you to trust us to have things under control!” Luna shouted, going red at the cheeks, “Are we not coruler with thee? Are we trusted so little that we can’t decide what to do with a single pony in our dungeons?”

At this, Celestia’s face fell. Her wings lowered, almost imperceptibly, and the fight seemed to die within her. “No, of course not, Luna. You know I trust you. It’s just that”–Celestia drooped further still. Turning away from Luna, she suddenly became very interested in a lit candelabra by the wall of the dining room–“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Luna sagged. Just like that, it seemed like the argument was over, at least from my point of view. Leaving her seat, she wandered around to Celestia’s side of the table. Her sides rustled as one of her long, dark wings extended and reached over Celestia. Sidling by her sister, she held the larger white pony in her embrace. “We just ask that you trust us, sister.” Burrowing her muzzle next to Celestia’s own, I watched as Luna tenderly nuzzled her sister. It was very cute. Pulling back, Luna asserted, “Besides, we are a good judge of character! Dost thou remember that time thee said we wert a good ‘people watcher?’” There was a moment of silence.

“When did I say that?” Celestia stared blankly at her sister, who bristled at the lack of recognition.

“Twas during the very first pan-gryphonic peace negotiations with Equestria!” Luna burst, “When their warring tribes united under the spire crown? We had thought thou might remember too, though it seems thine focus weret wholly on courting the affections of that King Grover throughout that summit.”

Maintaining a porcelain face that couldn’t be said to betray a modicum of emotion, Celestia just kept a thin smile, tactfully avoiding her sister’s accusation, “That would have been eleven-hundred years ago, Luna.” She tittered into a snow-white hoof. Leaning into her sister’s dark wings, Celestia consoled her sister, “You are still a good people-watcher.” Luna rolled her eyes, but accepted the embrace.

“Anyways, Brian!” Luna gestured to me, “A different world, Celestia! Just like we told you, we saw it in his dreams, he is not from some undiscovered tribe in the southern cat rainforests. We witnessed a city! It was larger still than thy photographies thou showed us of Manehattan!”

“Right, Brian,”–Celestia gave my name a taste in her mouth, trying out its pronunciation–“it looks like your story is rather complex, so I will try to hear you out. Luna mentioned that this isn’t what you usually look like. She told me that you were something called a ‘hyuooman. Is that right?’”

“I am, or was a humanh, yes.” I responded after a second of self examination, “This world is not my ownh.” Recognizing that Celestia might misinterpret my actions again, I raised a claw, palm out, and stressed, “I’m not here to invade or hurt anyone. I don’t really knowh how I was brought to Equestria myself.” Celestia seemed to have a bit of an overprotective streak when it came to her ponies, so I wanted to make sure she didn’t see me as a threat.

At my words, Celestia seemed to soften somewhat. A sliver of tension escaped her brow, making her eyes seem that much less firm. Whether it was what I had said, or that I had felt the need to say it, I wasn’t sure. She seemed to keep her cards close enough to her chest. Pointing to my untouched plate, she implored, “Eat, please. You are not in trouble, Brian. Again, I feel the need to apologise for hurting you, however well you seem to have healed from the experience. I think that you understand there was a misunderstanding between myself”–she directed her porcelain white hoof to Luna–“and my sister.”

As I attacked a wheel of cheese, Celestia looked to court the opinion of Luna wordlessly. Slightly rotating her head, a modicum of power pooled in her horn. It left a thin golden line where the tip of her horn had been. With her head’s minute rotation, a thin circle that was roughly the shape and size of a ring was left hovering briefly in the air. Keeping my eyes focused on the sisters while my head was down by my food, I saw Celestia’s and Luna’s eyes connect. As Luna gave a slight nod, Celestia turned back to me.

“You mentioned that you were not sure how you came to Equestria, Brian. I can not make any promises or offer any remedies at this moment, but I should inform you that we believe your situation may be related to an ongoing matter of national security.” Celestia announced in a diplomatically ambiguous tone.

I immediately forgot my food, focusing entirely on her as she spread her hooves wide, gesticulating, “Now, I understand that your contacts in Equestria may be rather limited at this time, given the circumstances, but I still ask that you kindly not mention what I am about to tell you to anyone outside of this room without my express permission. Can I trust you to do that for me, Brian?” Celestia asked, looking deep into my antler skull. I nodded eagerly, at the edge of my seat.

“Of chourse,” I rasped.

With a shallow nod, Celestia continued, “Over the last week and a half, there have been a limited number of isolated incidences of ‘holes’ opening up across Equestria.” Celestia stressed the word hole in such a way that implied it was anything but. Did she mean that I was related to these holes? “They appear to be some sort of magical phenomenon which have brought objects or fauna from outside of Equestria to our shores. There was some speculation that some of these ‘holes’ might have been leading to locations outside of Equus entirely, though we currently know of none. With your testimony”–she nodded in my direction–“those theories may have just been validated.”

A dark look flashed Celestia’s face and she noted, “There is a recorded instance of one of my little ponies going through a hole. She is currently who-knows-where and separated from her herd. Two more ponies suffered injury when a yet-unknown beast came through a portal and charged at them.” Celestia took a swig at her drink, then angrily magicked her cup back to the table with a little more force than it should have had, slamming loudly. Celestia didn’t seem to notice.

“It goes without saying that I am treating this as a national emergency until I know what is causing harm to my ponies and it is dealt with.” Resting her head on a hoof wearily, her hair trailed down her forehoof in long strands. With a sliver of exhaustion in her eyes, she looked at me.

“The sooner we work out what is endangering my ponies, the sooner we can look at sending you safely back through these holes. You came through one of these things, there may be ways you can be of assistance in solving the crisis. It goes without saying that the crown will happily provide you room and board, no more scavenging through the wilderness. Will you stay on castle grounds and cooperate with our ongoing investigation?” Celestia implored, the outlines of desperation crossing her expressive face for the first time. I realised, to some surprise, that the threat to her ponies was really messing with her. She didn’t seem like the kind of person to break down very easily. I barely waited a moment to respond.

“I’ll helph however I can.” I nodded. I think I would’ve ended up saying yes even if the offer to render me aid hadn’t been made, but Celestia had also come at me with a very appealing deal. For all the pain they had caused me, I was thankful that I had decided to stick around and hear the ponies out. They seemed like nice people, once you got past their skittishness. A flash of relief crossed Celestia’s face, before she caught herself and returned to her usual porcelain neutrality.

“Excellent, I am glad that’s sorted. Now how about you tell us a bit about this Human planet? We are always happy to learn more about unmet allies.” Celestia shot a soft smile at me, which I returned in kind.

“It was easier to visualise in the dhream Luna put me in, but Humanity lives on a planet called…”

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At some point in my storytelling, as it wound down, Celestia reminded Luna that sundown was approaching and that she needed to prepare for night court. Saying a quick goodbye to the two of us, Luna levitated a chocolate chip cookie to her mouth and then teleported out of the room, cookie and all.

After Luna had left and it was just the two of us in the room, there was a moment of silence before Celestia inhaled slowly, then let out a bristling snort through her nose. Standing up from her seat once more, Celestia began trotting towards me. With each step, her practised mask began falling away, until she was scowling directly at me.

Credit: OkSara

“We need to talk.” She urged, her face uncharacteristically stony and hard.

“I thought we were chlear about the fhight.” I growled, standing up and leaning back against the dining table. Celestia positioned herself to force me back against the table.

“This isn’t about the fight, this isn’t about portals, and this isn’t about your background. Not right now.” Celestia started, leaning minutely closer to me with each word, “Despite my best efforts for a whole year, Luna hasn’t reached out and made any new friends. It has become evidently clear that somehow, she has connected with you. What I am saying is”–Celestia looked conflicted for a moment, carefully considering her words before returning to her stern gaze–“do not do anything to hurt her.”

The threat made, I watched as Celestia’s horn exploded into a gold aura. Flinching, more at the mare behind the magic than from the spell itself, Celestia disappeared in a flash of teleportation.

Finding myself alone before a fading fire, I let loose a held breath.

Next Chapter: Chapter 10: Absolution Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 26 Minutes