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Ponyville40k: Dawn of Friendship

by CommissarAJ

Chapter 3: The Dawn of Friendship: Part Two

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The Dawn of Friendship
Part Two

“Sometimes making the right choice means making the choice nopony likes. It’s called ‘tough love’ and it’s what separates the good Inquisitors from the bad.”-High Inquisitor Trixie, Ordo Magikus

Against better judgement, I decided not to stay inside the ship and wait for my senses to realign themselves. Time was of the essence and I wasn’t about to let a pounding headache, a numb face, or the fact the world appeared to be swirling about me, keep me from completing my mission. I stumbled my way out of the lander, passing by Spike who was still in the latrine and likely equally shaken by the ride, and down the boarding ramp. Perhaps ‘stumble’ is not quite accurate as I basically tripped, fell, and tumbled down the ramp, landing on my backside in a dusty, open field. “This is intolerable,” I thought to myself as I laid on my back, staring at the sun looming high above. I wasn’t sure if I should thank the space mareine or have her transferred to some distant ice-ball of a planet. Thankfully, I was above petty revenge and I wasn’t interested in dealing with the considerable amount of backlash and paperwork that revenge would have incurred. With any luck, however, the space mareine would go back to whatever nonsense she had been wasting her time with earlier and I would be able to proceed without further interruptions. And on par with my luck thus far in the day, that hope lasted all of ten seconds when a new pony arrived, blocking the sun momentarily as she stared down at me. Since I could still hear the pegasus laughing somewhere on the far side of my ship, the newcomer had to be somepony else.

“Well boy howdy, you look you’ve been put through the wringer,” the mare spoke in an strange, accented voice. Because of the silhouetting effect from the sun, I couldn’t make out much detail until I managed to get back onto my hooves. She was an earth pony, though not just any ordinary pony - her sturdy, orange-pelted frame was draped in a large black, red-lined greatcoat and her blonde mane was tucked under a matching peaked cap. These were not the garments of your average pony but rather a member of another important Equestrian office - the Commissariat.(1) Under normal circumstances, the sight of a commissar was a welcomed relief as they were highly trained in the teachings of friendship and harmony, capable leaders, and could usually kick a fair bit of flank if the situation called for it. A commissar never travelled alone as they were typically attached to an Equestrian Guard regiment (their duties being to maintain harmony and morale amongst the troopers). My hope of continuing my mission without attracting too much attention was now in its death throes as a quick glance to my surroundings revealed that Rainbow Dash had parked my ship in the middle of a courtyard that was being used as a garrison for a guard regiment. Surrounded on all sides by high walls and watch towers, the courtyard housed a large number of tents and cabins, save for a large parade ground which had been host to a number of drilling guardponies prior to my arrival. Thanks to a landing that was about as subtle as an air horn in a cathedral, every guardpony in the area had stampeded over and now surrounded my ship in a wide arc. “You alright there little missy?” the commissar asked.

“I...I think so,” I said groggily, still trying to massage some sensation back into my face.

“Well, it looks like you’ve had it rough...and Ah’d hate to get on yer case but...could you mind explaining why you landed your fancy little ship on top of mah tent?” the commissar inquired as politely as she could before directing my attention back to my ship. Sticking out from beneath the fuselage was a flattened tarp, which I could only assume used to be the commissar’s tent.

“Oh...oh dear, I’m really sorry about that,” I apologized even though the choice of parking spot hadn’t been mine.

“Don’t listen to her AJ,” Rainbow’s voice suddenly interrupted, followed a moment later by the pegasus landing next to me. “This was totally my fault. You see, Twilight here had a little bit of an accident so she needed to get towed somewhere. Now all the spaceports are full because of the no-fly zone so I figured I’d use your landing pad. Then I saw you had a ship on it already so I had to put her down somewhere. But I was kinda coming in too fast so I had to put her down somewhere before we accidentally crash into the keep or the wall or something important. You know how these happen.”

Strangely enough, the commissar seemed to accept Rainbow’s explanation. “Why am Ah not surprised?” she said with a quiet sigh. Judging by their casual familiarity with each other, this was probably not the first time they had crossed paths under such circumstances. Maybe Rainbow had played chicken with the commissar’s ship once. “Fine...just move the dang thing and bring back mah tent, okay?”

“No problem, I’ll get it done in ten seconds flat!” the pegasus said boastfully as she raced off to get to work. What she was quick to discover, however, was that an airborne ship was a lot easier to move compared to one lodged in the dirt. “Almost...got it!” she grunted as she pushed against the vessel with all her might. “Just...don’t start the clock yet...just need to get up to speed!” Slowly, the ship began to plough through the dirt, although the commissar’s tent only wound up getting dragged along for the ride, getting torn to shreds and leaving a trail of the commissar’s personal effects in its wake.

The commissar simply sighed once again, much heavier than before, and buried her face into her hooves. “That Rainbow is one-of-a-kind Ah tells ya,” she muttered to herself, seemingly oblivious to the fact that I was still standing next to her. “Guess Ah’m bunking with Applebloom again.” We watched as Rainbow Dash gradually pushed my lander across but after several minutes we both lost interest and the commissar finally realized that I was still present. “Oh crabapples, Ah completely forgot about ya,” she said as she turned to me, flashing me a warm and friendly smile. “Where are mah manners? Ah’m Commissar Applejack and this here is Fort Sweet Apple - the biggest, bestest stronghold of friendship this side of the Mason-Dixie nebula. Mighty sorry about all this mess...Ah reckon this ain’t how you planned on arriving. Ah imagine you’re probably here for the big feast, right?”

“Uh, sort of,” I hesitantly replied. I still wanted to slip out without drawing too much attention to myself so I had to watch what I said. My research was essential and if the guard regiment got the impression of an imminent invasion from Luna, I ran the risk of being stuck in strategy meetings with planetary officials for hours on end. I needed to know the exact times and dates, otherwise I just risked setting off a panic pandemic at a time when I needed quiet solitude to continue my work. And that was assuming if any of them believed me - what was far more likely would be the usual scoffing followed by reassuring platitudes that I was chasing old mare’s tales. “My name’s Twilight Sparkle and I really need to get into the city to do some work.”

“Well shucks Miss Sparkle-”

“That’s Inquisitor Sparkle!” Rainbow’s voice suddenly interjected from afar. “And when this is over, she’s gonna help set me up with the Wonderbolts!”

“I never promised that!” I shouted without even thinking. So much for maintaining a low profile. As I had feared, the moment the word ‘Inquisitor’ was uttered there was a loud, audible gasp from every pony in attendance.

There are few feelings as bad as knowing exactly what’s about to happen and not being able to do a darn thing about it. It was like watching a train crash in slow-motion. The commissar immediately dashed off, racing over to a large brass bell that was set up in the middle of the courtyard. “Surprise inspection! Every pony in the courtyard! Double time it now!” she shouted as she rang the bell several times. The whole camp burst into action with ponies running en masse across the courtyard, hastily assembling themselves into large columns across the parade ground. All I could was stand there and hope that I could spot an opening through the stampede of ponies that I could potentially escape through. Alas, the only opening I saw that I could make a break through was because all the ponies had finally organized themselves on the parade ground. I had expected at least a few more minutes given the size of the camp but it’s just my luck that I happened to run into one of the few orderly and efficient regiments in the galaxy. Where was the inefficiency of the Administratum when you needed it? If they were running the Equestrian Guard it’d take an executive order filled out in triplicate on gold-leaf paper to get a parade organized and not before a panel convened to discuss whether a parade would be needed in the first place. And by the time the paperwork would have gotten through, the regiment would have been downsized to three ponies in a cart armed with fresh fruit and I would have had enough time to hitchhike my way back to the Golden Throne.

However, with efficiency apparently being the credence for the day, Applejack returned radiating with enough pride that I wished I had brought some sunglasses with me. I didn't even get a word off before she led me off towards the parade ground. The entire regiment of guardponies were arranged into six large columns with each company further subdivided into their respective platoons. At front and center, arranged into two line, were all the officers - one containing all the junior officers and a second with all the senior ones. At the forefront was the commanding officer - a towering red stallion who looked so indifferent to the situation, he might as well have not been there. "This big feller right is Colonel Macintosh," Applejack started. "He once took on a buffalork twice his size and he had that browncoat beat lickity-split! Now he does call the shots around these here parts but just between you and me, Inquisitor, I do most of the real work. He mostly just stands around and looks all fancy for the higher-ups."

"Eeyup," Macintosh replied, apparently also indifferent to being thought of as an over-sized lawn ornament. There must have been considerable trust between the two for a commanding officer to allow a commissar so much control over their regiment. That or he didn't care about that caveat either.

"Next up we got Major Braeburn - sharp as a tack an’ quick as a fiddle,” Applejack continued, directing my attention to the smaller stallion standing next to the colonel. “Just don’t get ‘im talking cause then he ain’t never gonna shut up,” she added in a hushed whisper.

“What was that?” Braeburn spoke up.

“Nuttin’!”Applejack, perhaps in order to avoid getting the major started, quickly shoved me further down the line to continue with the introductions. “Now how about I introduce ya to our fine captains?” she asked, rhetorically of course since she didn’t even wait for a response before resuming. “First up is Captain Apple Fritter - three-time recipient of the Distinguished Harmony Star. Up next is Captain Apple Bumpkin - she’s one of the best shots in all of Ponyville...after me, of course. Now Captain Red Gala heads up our recon division; ain’t nothing that gets past her. Then we got the brothers Captain Red Delicious and Golden Delicious. Don’t you worry if you get the two mixed up - you usually can’t find one without finding the other anyways. And lastly we’ve got Captain Caramel Apple - she’s in charge of logistics and support so if you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to ask her. And if she can’t find it, then it ain’t on this planet. Now up next we got the lieutenants...”

Sweet Celestia, there seemed to be no end to the introductions. Meeting the captains was quick and easy but there were about four to five lieutenants under each captain and Applejack had to make sure I was properly introduced to each and every one of them. To be honest, I was barely paying any attention to the names, simply plastering on the most sincere smile that I could fake and nodding accordingly. The only introduction that I was actually paying attention to was the final one, where I knew I had to start focusing again before another pony thought I promised to dole out more favours. The last lieutenant was a silver pegaus who would have been otherwise unnoteworthy were it not for the fact that one could not look at her and not immediately notice that her eyes weren't aligned quite right. I wondered how exactly a pony like that could have attained the rank of lieutenant and I hoped that she had been given the commission based on her abilities and not some pony returning a favour.

"And this cheery little mare is our newest addition," Applejack as she patted the aforementioned mare on the back. "This here is Lieutenant Ditzy Doo (2) and she's heading the aerial recon team from here on out."

"Is she...uh, okay to fly with that um..." I knew it was a bad idea to bring it up but the words slipped out rather suddenly.

"Oh that?" the commissar replied, chuckling dismissively at my concerns. “Don’tchu fret none Twilight, Ditzy here is one of mah best fliers. How’s that eye treating you today lieutenant?”

The pegasus, beaming with pride, pipped back cheerfully, “It’s getting better Commissar.” Ditzy then tightly shut her eyes, visibly straining at something, and when they re-opened, they were properly aligned. Alas, the triumphant grin on her face was brief as her eyes drifted back out of alignment seconds later. “Aww, ponyfeathers...”

“Just keep working on it. Doc Whooves says it’ll get better in time,” Applejack reassured the pegasus before we continued on. “So there you have it Twilight, that there is the Fourth Apple Guard and while they might not be as fancy as those hoity-toity space mareines-”

“I heard that!” Rainbow objected quite loudly as she dashed over to our position. How in blazes she managed to hear us over the sound of my ship ploughing through the courtyard was beyond me. “Who are you calling hoity-toity?”

“The one who spends half her day polishing her barding,” she replied teasingly. “Now where’s mah tent?” Oddly enough, the mention of the tent seemed to silence the space mareine, who begrudgingly marched back over to my ship, muttering her displeasure under her breath.

The momentarily lull in the conversation gave me a chance to finally step in and exercise some measure of damage control. I knew what Applejack was looking for - she wanted to get her regiment into the Inquisition’s good books. A commendation from the office of the Inquisition was a badge of honour for any guard regiment and guaranteed them first pick for new postings for the rest of the century, if not longer. On top of that, there were numerous perks for working with the Inquisition, the biggest being authorization for the acquisition of some of the best equipment in the Equestrium. With the allure of the best boots, toys, tanks, and gizmos in the known galaxy, it was easy to understand why every regiment wanted to buddy up with an Inquisitor. The situation was delicate if I were to have any hopes of getting to my research. I just needed Applejack and her troops out of my way long enough so I could get my work done without making it sound like I was scorning them.

“So...I take you and your troops are all from Appleloosa?” I asked, figuring a little small talk would help keep the commissar in a pleasant mood.

“You bet’cha - all of us are Appleloosians, born n’ raised,” Applejack said with pride. I didn’t know much about Appleloosa or its ponies, other than a reputation for fielding strong, tenacious regiments. And the only reason I correctly identified her accent was because the head cook on my cruiser hailed from the same world. “Well, except for a bunch of the pegasus.(3) We ain’t got many of them back home so we had to borrow a few from elsewhere. But hey, after all we’ve been through there as Appleloosian as apple pie in mah books. Why I bet once your done here the boys and gals will think of you like family too!”

Not if I had anything to say about that. “I...probably won’t be planetside for too long. I’m just here to conduct some important research.”

“Oh, I gets ya - ‘research,’” she replied with a playful wink as if I had been speaking in code. “Don’tchu worry, Ah won’t tell the others. We wouldn’t want to get the ponyfolks worried, now would we?”

I knew trying to clarify what I meant would get me nowhere fast so I just played along in the hopes of facilitating a timely departure. “Seriously though, I need to get into the city so I get started on my work.”

“It's a long walk if you want to get anywhere important," Applejack explained as she motioned for me to follow her. "Ah'll get one of mah gals to drive you into town."

"Just so long as it's somepony not too chatty. I can't afford interruptions while I'm working."

"Ah know just the pony for ya," she replied. Thank Celestia something was finally starting to go my way. "She's a might bit on the shy side but she's one of the sweetest mares you'll ever meet. Come on, she's right over this way." Applejack led me on another stroll through the pony ranks, stopping occasionally and scanning through the numbers before continuing on. I was about to interject with another reminder of the hurry when Applejack trotted over to one of the captains. "Dangnabbit...Captain Bumpkin, do you know you where the hay Fluttershy has gone run off to?”

“Again?” the captain replied, followed by quiet grumbling under her breath. She turned to the regiment and called out, “Would somepony be so kind as to please shove Private Fluttershy to the front.”

A bit of an odd request, I thought, but as I soon discovered it was a necessity. Nothing happened at first but slowly, one could hear an odd...squeaking of protest rising out from the the sea of the ponies. “That’s really not...I mean, you don’t have to....no wait, please don’t-eek!” The protesting fell silent when the formation parted slightly and the aforementioned Private Fluttershy was unceremoniously shoved front and center by the ponies behind her. “P-private Fluttershy reporting ma’am...” she said in a barely audible whisper. Applejack describing the private as ‘a might bit shy’ was about as much an understatement as saying that the Luna Heresy was ‘an unpleasant disagreement.’ The young pegasus barely made eye contact with any of us, seemingly more interested in the plot of soil between her hooves; and that was when one could even see her eyes as they were often hidden behind a pink curtain of hair. The helmet she wore was couple sizes too small, while the remainder of her uniform was the opposite, causing her voluminous mane to puff out all along the edges. And here I had been worried about Lt. Ditzy’s ability to fly straight. But on the bright side, she was very quiet so hopefully I’d be able to work without interruptions.

“Now Fluttershy, this here is Inquisitor Twilight Sparkle,” Applejack began, directing the private’s attention over to me. I think Fluttershy looked up for about a half-second, which was more eye contact than she had managed thus far. “She needs to get into town lickity split for some important work. Ah want you to grab one of the red hares and drive Twilight wherever she needs to go. Ya got all that?”

Not surprisingly, the private merely nodded in silence. She slowly walked over to me, which she managed to do without even looking up, and gently motioned for me to follow. “Right this way Miss Sparkle...I mean, Inquisitor...um, if that’s alright with you. We don’t need to leave right away if you need some time...”

For a moment, I felt a bit sorry for the private. I was vaguely reminded of my first time meeting Inquisitor Star Swirl, the unicorn who eventually became my instructor. Despite my eagerness to study the art of magic and become an Inquisitor, his reputation was almost terrifying for a young filly. It didn’t help that we met just seconds after I nearly totalled his entire library.(4) The pressure of expectations from an authoritative figure turned me into a completely nervous wreck and compared to Fluttershy now, I was practically a paragon of confidence in my youth. I made a mental note to be gentle on the young pegasus, lest I make things worse for her.

“I would like to leave as soon as possible,” I told her as calmly as I could. “If you could please get the vehicle ready, I just have to go and get a few things from my ship.” I had yet to see any sign of Spike so I decided to head back to my ship in order to check up on him. And speaking of my ship, Rainbow Dash had managed to push it half-way across the courtyard and had it ‘parked’ alongside several of the regiment’s vehicles. I use the term ‘parked’ rather loosely since it was tilted part-way onto its side and was pointing towards the wall, both of which would make take-off an arduous task. As for Rainbow Dash, she was still trying to extricate the tent from beneath the fuselage, not that there was much of a tent left thanks to her. “Hey Spike, we’re moving out. Hurry it up,” I called out as I trotted up the boarding ramp.

“Coming!” he called back.

Unfortunately, as much as I had wanted to rush things along, all the turbulence had left the ship’s cargo hold looking as though a herd of buffalork had just passed through. “I’ll have to organize this all later,” I remarked as I sifted through the mess to find the rest of my research notes. “Well, maybe I could just put these boxes back up...no! You need to focus Twilight! The fate of the galaxy is at stake!” I knew the longer I stayed, the stronger the temptation would become so I simply shouted for Spike to hurry up and headed on my way. It wasn’t hard to find Fluttershy again as she had been kind enough to bring the red hare around and was waiting patiently only a few meters from my ship. A red hare was hardly the pinnacle of comfort and luxury given that they were built on a budget that would make a vending machine seem fancy but they were fast and that’s all I needed right now. Red hares were mostly used for scouting but in regiments with attached aerial recon units it’s job was limited primarily to shuttling ponies around and light infantry support. “My assistant will be here in just a moment,” I told Fluttershy as I climbed into the open canopy passenger compartment. With a practically mute driver, I was able to relax in the relatively spacious passenger compartment (which had seats about as comfortable as a pile of gravel) and read over my notes. A few minutes later, Spike finally came along but he decided to drop down into the co-driver’s seat. At first, I thought this arrangement would give me a distraction-free ride but as it turned out, I wasn’t the one at risk for distractions.

“Oh my! Are you...are you a dragon?” I heard echo from the driver’s compartment. I should have realized something was amiss when I could hear the private’s voice through a half-inch plate of plasteel but I was too focused on my work to pay it any heed.

“Why yes...yes I am,” Spike replied proudly.

“Oh wow. I’ve never actually met a dragon before...I was always told that they were these big, scary things with sharp teeth...”

“I don’t know about the scary part but I should get pretty big in a couple of centuries.”

“But you’re absolutely adorable! How could someone so cute ever become something mean and scary?” I wasn’t certain what the private’s definitions of ‘cute’ and ‘scary’ were but in my books anything that was over fifty spans high and had teeth larger than my head had the potential to be terrifying, regardless of how cute it was at one point in its life. “Are there many dragons in the Inquisition?”

“Uhh...not that I’m aware of. Dragon eggs aren’t exactly easy to come by. Twilight found my egg by a complete fluke.” It wasn’t exactly a fluke to be honest but I came across Spike’s egg when I was still being mentored by Inquisitor Star Swirl. The egg was found cryogenically preserved in the drifting hulk of an ancient dragon starship that Star Swirl and I were exploring in hopes of salvaging something of value. Even the most generous estimates put the number of dragons in the galaxy at a few hundred, even fewer still in possession of the great ships that once terrorized ponies across the Equestrium.(5)

After having listened to the two banter back and forth for several minutes, I realized that there was a lot of chatter but there had been absolutely no driving thus far. “Hey, less talky, more drivey please,” I shouted, pounding on the rear panel of the driver’s hatch.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Fluttershy quickly apologized. The private put the red hare into gear and opened the throttle...only to drive the vehicle backwards straight into a nearby hut. “Oh no! That was the reverse gear,” the private squeaked in distress. She quickly changed gears and tried once more...only to drive backwards even further into the hut. Apparently my driver had forgotten that a red hare had more than one reverse gear (in fact, there are three). After another stream of apologies, Fluttershy tried for a third time to put the vehicle into drive and this time she eased the throttle as delicately as possible. Thankfully, this time the vehicle lurched forward and we were finally able to get on our way.


Sadly, I was mistaken in my presumption that I would be able to focus on my studies during the ride. Thanks to the chatty pair up front, I had the satisfaction of Spike going into great lengths on his personal study into the culinary arts of gemstone preparations, all of which Fluttershy found terribly interesting down to the most minute of details. Somehow, Commissar Applejack had decided to choose the most xeno-loving pony in the entire Equestrian Guard to be my driver and she was having an absolutely field day with Spike’s undivided attention. As it turned out, Fluttershy was a bit of an amateur xenologist, spending much of her free time learning all she could about alien species. Now far be it for me to stifle the enthusiasm and determination of a Guardpony, for most knew little of the various non-pony species that inhabited the galaxy outside personal experience and old mare’s tales, but her unbridled curiosity was not only distracting me from my studying, it was distracting her from her driving.

Granted, one did not need to fret as much about driving when your vehicle outweighed everything else on the road by almost forty tonnes and was armed with a 30mm cupcake cannon. However, it did not make for a smooth, comfortable, or even remotely peaceful ride when the vehicle was constantly swerving from side-to-side in order to dodge traffic, accompanied by the blaring horns of disgruntled drivers, and slid through corners at twice the recommended speed. And despite Fluttershy’s gentle nature, she certainly wasn’t gentle on the throttle or the brakes as I spent as much time studying my notes as I did bracing myself to prevent from being bounced around the passenger compartment like a pinball. Thankfully, the paved streets of Ponyville were fairly well kept or I would have been equally concerned about being ejected out of the cabin like an unwanted stowaway.

“Are we there yet?” I shouted. Between the traffic, the engine, and their conversation, I doubt my words were heard by anypony. Not that it mattered, however, as the red hare screeched to a halt, which unfortunately threw me face-first into the back-end of the cupcake cannon. Perhaps if my head were not pounding, I would have found a small hint of amusement in the fact that I had once thought that riding with Fluttershy was an improvement over Rainbow Dash. I was still taking tally of my teeth when the driver’s hatch popped open and Fluttershy poked her head out to let me know we had arrived at our destination.

“Are you okay Inquisitor Sparkle?” Fluttershy asked when she noticed the breech-shaped dent in my face.

“I’ll be good once I’m inside and working,” I insisted in a grumble.

“Oh, can I come too?” the private asked. I suspected her reasons were more to do with Spike than an interest in my work and since I didn’t need more interruptions I had to say no.

“Stay with the tank,” I instructed. “You’re welcome to stay too Spike.” Getting rid of both of them would leave me free of interruptions plus it would keep Fluttershy from getting bored and wandering away on me.

My destination was the main observation tower in the city - a massive, towering spire that pierced the clouds, dwarfing everything else in the city by leagues. Hopefully, the precise measuring equipment housed within the tower would be able to give me accurate readings on local star clusters. And with the proper calibrations, it should be able to detect localized distortions in the warp-reality barrier, giving us a means of early detection. My only concern at this point was the ponies who operated the facility - the tech-ponies of the Adeptus Mechanicolt. Personally, I had nothing against the technological wizards who basically controlled the production and development of all technology in the galaxy. It was just that they had a reputation for being...odd. Perhaps odd is not the politest of terms. It would be more accurate to say that they simply had a different set of priorities compared to most ponies and those priorities often left the average pony baffled. Plus, they also seemed to operate on their own set of rules that were just as baffling as their priorities. And their authority was almost immovable - even as an Inquisitor, I had to play nicely with the tech-ponies or risk being shunned by them. The authority of the Inquisition meant little to them in the long run because they knew how irreplaceable they were as an organization. I could rant and wail about wanting to use the observatory until I went blue in the face but if they said no then I was powerless to do anything about it.(6)

“Hello?” I called out as I pushed open the massive brass doors leading into the observatory. “Anypony here?” The atrium appeared to be deserted, my steps echoing down the long, marble-walled corridor. Great columns lined the walls, each one etched with images of the God-Empress within a halo of a large cog. I always found it peculiar how the tech-ponies facilities always seemed to resemble cathedrals more than workshops but they did treat technology as though it were a religion.(7) As I delved deeper into the facility, I could hear a noise in the distance that sounded faintly of the whirling and humming of power tools. I followed the source and found a pony toiling away in a tiny side-room. Even though her back was to me, I could tell it was a tech-pony - normal ponies don’t have a pair of mechanical tendrils sprouting from their back, as well as a third one in place of where her tail should’ve been. All three extra limbs (mechadendrites I believe is the proper technical term for them) were hard at work, shooting off showers of sparks and vibrant flashes of blue and orange, and the noise forced me to shout just to be heard. “Excuse me!” It took three shouts to finally get the tech-ponies attention.

“Just a second,” she replied. The tech-pony turned about and once one of her mechadendrites flipped up the visor that was covering her eyes, she gave me a very scrutinizing gaze as if assessing whether I was worth her time or not. Like most tech-ponies, she was as much machine as she was pony - all four of her legs were chrome-plated steel, polished to a shine and adorned with gold trimming, and fitted on the left side of her head was an optical mount that was connected to the previously mentioned visor. “Since you’re not pulling a cart of flux capacitors, I’m going to presume you are not the deliverymare.”

“Um...no. My name is Inquisitor Twilight Sparkle and I-”

“Inquisitor you say?” the tech-pony replied, her eyes widening momentarily. Given how every other pony has reacted to the word ‘Inquisitor’ one would think I would have been more careful with tossing it around. Alas, I had thought it would have expedited the process. What a fool I was. “Sweet cogs of Celestia, why didn’t you say so sooner? Come with me, my dear. We simply must do something to fix you up.”

“But I need to...wait, what do you mean by fix? Fix what?” I questioned as a mechanical arm snaked around my shoulder and led me along.

“Why fix all of this dear Inquisitor,” she said, gesturing to...well, all of me. “I cannot understand how you can tolerate walking around all the time on those flabby, old, fleshy appendages you call legs. No optics, no sensors...why I don’t even see any chip slots for neural implants. What kind of Inquisitor are you if you aren’t sporting the latest in technological accessories? Hmm...and while we’re at it, perhaps we can do something to trim that little bit of excess ‘you’ around the waistline.”

“Hey! I like me the way I am,” I protested as the claws at the ends of her robotic tendrils pinched at my sides.

“But why be you when you can be a much better you?” she asked rhetorically. The tech-pony then stomped one of her hooves, prompting a tiny wheel to pop out of the bottom of each hoof. “Now come, come please! Let me show what potential you hold,” she continued as the wheels came to life and she started driving down the hall. Since she was the only tech-pony in sight, I had no choice but to give chase if I wanted to gain access to the observatory’s systems. Unfortunately, that just gave the tech-pony the completely wrong impression. “Honestly, I’m surprised you ponies haven’t come to me sooner. The Inquisition is all about demanding the best and quite frankly my genius goes unappreciated by the primitive barbarians of this world. And all the dust and dirt...ick! It’s absolutely revolting. But finally all my hard work and patience has paid off and everypony will know the brilliance of Rarity!”

The tech-pony left me few opportunities to try and steer the conversation back on course. By the time she came to a stop, I had been led probably half-way through the bottom floor of the observatory. “Listen, I really need to talk to you. It’s important,” I said as I slowed to a halt, slightly winded from the chase. Perhaps I could have benefited from losing a little bit of excess me.

“Of course! Nothing is more important than ensuring the satisfaction of Her Empress’ most loyal servants,” Rarity said enthusiastically and, of course, completely misinterpreting my remarks. The room I had been led to was adorned with various monitors and devices of unknown purpose, all suspended from the ceiling by massive conduits. Before I could argue further, she shoved me onto a raised platform in the center of the room and the machines began to come to life. “Now hold still and smile,” she instructed. My smile was probably more along the lines of a dumbfounded gaze as small orbs began to rise all around me, shining bright, green lights over my body. It took me a moment to realize I was on some kind of scanning platform, though the purpose of which did not become obvious until a mechanical arm suddenly descended from the ceiling and dropped some kind of jet-engine onto my back. “Flight accessories are all the rage with Inquisitors today. After all, why leave the skies just to the pegasus? This uses a duel-stage turbofan-scramjet hybrid design, allowing for control and fuel-efficiency at both sub and super-sonic speeds. Well, what do you think?”

“It’s...kind of heavy...” I groaned under the strain of trying to stay upright. The darn thing weighed a tonne and if she didn’t get rid of it soon she would have to scrap me off the floor with a spatula.

“Well if the weight is a bother then we can fit you easily with these bionic legs,” she explained as additional arms emerged from the floor around me, each one holding up a robotic appendage. “Now normally the bracer upgrades would cost extra but I’m willing to give you the Inquisitor’s discount and throw them in for half-price.”

“This...isn’t really what I wanted...” I tried to interject, only to get cut-off as usual.

“Ah, of course! How silly of me. What was I thinking?” Rarity scoffed playfully. Thankfully, the arm came back and removed the jet engine...only to come back and strap on a pair of mechanical wings. Unlike the previous, these were far lighter, composed of thin metallic feathers attached to a gold-plated lattice. “Clearly you are a pony of discriminating tastes. These beauties are the Sanguinius MkV, crafted by yours truly no less. These offer the very latest in anti-grav skimmer technology - fast, agile, completely silent, and utterly invisible to all major EM auspex scanners. And best of all, we can customize the colour so you never have to worry about it clashing with your style. Just be sure when all your fellow Inquisitors are gazing in awe-struck silence, you let them know you got them from Rarity.”

“Uhh...they’re nice and all but...”

“Oh don’t worry, we’re not finished yet,” Rarity interrupted...again! “We can’t have you leaving with those and not include the matching bionic legs.” Once again, another set of legs emerged from below, this time showing off a set that looked almost identical to the ones that Rarity possessed. “And I’ll tell you what, I’ll be willing to throw these lovely enhancements in for free on one little caveat - take me with you! You cannot imagine how it feels to be surrounded by all these primitive ponies! My talents are wasting away on this backwater mudball. You have to take me with you - you simply must! The Inquisition needs a tech-pony of my genius. I was built to be a part of that glorious life - to work and build with the greatest minds the galaxy has ever seen.”

“I...uh, er...” Now I was just left speechless. The tech-pony had gone from flattering to pleading so quickly that I barely had time to catch my bearings. “I...might be able to talk to my superiors...” I said hesitantly, wanting to be reassuring without committing too much. “But this isn’t really what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Worry not, m’dear. We shall have plenty of time to talk in the post-op.”

“Post what?”

“We must get the operation started right away, no?” Rarity explained as one of the mechadendrites raised above her head and expanded into a large, circular saw blade.

“What? Are you crazy?” I yelped in protest.

Oddly enough, she stopped for a brief instant and cast a glance between me and the saw blade. “You’re right. Adamantium blades are so last millennium. The laser-cutter will speed up the recovery process. Don’t go anywhere - I’ll be right back.” Like hay I was going to wait around. The second that Rarity disappeared, I bolted out the door as fast as my fleshy, organic legs could carry me. I was beginning to wonder if every pony on this planet was flipping crazy or if it was just my luck. Either way, I raced back to the red hare and jumped into the back compartment.

“Oh, Miss Twilight...I didn’t know you were going to be back so soon,” Fluttershy remarked upon my arrival. “Are you finished already?”

“Just drive!” I shouted.

“Oh...uh, where to?”

“I don’t care! Just anywhere but here!” Thankfully, Fluttershy didn’t question any further and threw the red hare into overdrive. Fate of the galaxy or not, I wasn’t prepared to give my legs up to use an observatory. I would just have to come up with a new plan...preferably one that kept me far, far away from any tech-ponies.


Footnotes:
1) A commissar’s official duties were to maintain and oversee the morale, discipline, harmony, and loyalty of the Guardpony regiment they were attached to. Like Inquisitors, they were accountable to few others and had a great deal of operational freedom.
2) Yes, that is the same Ditzy Doo, Hero of the Equestrium, whose exploits became famous in the early part of the 42nd millennium.
3) Though pegasus can be found across the galaxy, on average they make up about 15% of the population on most planets. On Appleloosa, it’s only 9%. Most airborne specialists, such as recon, are from the handful of pegasus-exclusive worlds, where they are trained and attached to other regiments as needed.
4) ‘Set on fire’ would be more accurate.
5) Celestia’s rise to power and the Great Crusade were responsible for driving away most of the dragons in the known galaxy. Most have since fled beyond the galaxy’s edge but the derelict hulks of their ancient ships still drift through the galaxy.
6) As per the terms of the Treaty of Technological Harmony, the Adeptus Mechanicolt is required to heed the requests of the Inquisition. However, try to remind them of that and you’ll quickly find your transmission suddenly losing its connection.
7) They are, in fact, one and the same. Mechanicolt doctrine strives towards technological perfection as the penultimate expression of dedication to Celestia and her dreams of prosperity for all ponykind. As such, they horde all technological in sight, sharing only what they deem the rest of us fit to utilize. Their selfishness is reluctantly tolerated by the Inquisition.

Next Chapter: The Dawn of Friendship: Part Three Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 29 Minutes
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