The Snow on Her Cheek

Chapter Twenty-Six

Good Morning Heartache

***

Bright light radiated across the hospital corridor, white artificial light that by no means brightened up Octavia's mood; if anything, it was just making matters worse, if it could get any worse.

The cellist was sitting next to the door of the resuscitation department, her mind mechanically replaying the recent events: the terrible suicide attempt, Vinyl and Alexandro rushing to the kitchen, the hectic rush to the hospital... And now they were here - Vinyl, Tom, Alexandro and she, with no ability to do anything, no choice but to sit and wait.

Vinyl was holding her in her hooves, stroking her mane, cooing sweet nonsense into her ear. She didn't hear it, though: she was locked up behind her wall of shock, and fear, and disbelief. After all, what could Vinyl say? "It'll be all right"? "Everything will be all right"? No, it wouldn't be all right, and Octavia knew it only too well. Right now, she didn't need sympathy; because any sympathy at this point wouldn't reach empathy; empathy being the ability to actually put oneself in her, Octavia's, place; because Vinyl didn't know how it felt to lose her mother. Not that Octavia wished for it, Celestia forbid! Just... she really felt alone. Alone and lonely. The illusion of being part of something greater than herself had vanished the instant the noose tightened around her mother's neck, the metaphorical loop of life and death taking physical appearance.

After all, we live alone and die alone... the cellist mused fatalistically. We can pretend there are ponies who understand us but that is nothing but an illusion. She sighed and looked at the closed door. An illusion, she repeated mentally, her thinking process ceasing for a few moments. Is Vinyl an illusion too? a voice in her head wondered. Maybe she hasn't helped you to get on with your life? Maybe she hasn't given you the strength to go on? Maybe she hasn't comforted you and given her heart to you to possess? The cellist's ears perked up. She... totally did, she replied to herself, her depression somewhat perturbed by the realisation that, no matter how awful the whole situation was, she was not alone. At least her lover was right here by her side.

And not only her.

The grey mare looked at her father. Alexandro was sitting opposite her, a  concerned look on his face, smoking one cigarette after another, thick smoke almost completely concealing him.

Her glance turned to her brother; her real brother, albeit adopted. Tom's expression was unreadable, as it usually was, but Octavia knew that behind that mask, he was suffering, and terribly at that.

The door opened, and a weary stallion in a white surgical coat left the resuscitation department, closing the door behind him, and closed his eyes with a sigh.

Octavia jumped to her hooves, throwing Vinyl off her, rushing towards the doctor. "How is she?!" the cellist demanded furiously, as if she were directing all her pain towards the brown stallion, whose striking black mane looked painfully familiar.

The doctor tossed her a tired glance and shook his head in defeat. "I am very sorry. We tried to revive her, but it was too late: the neck was broken in-"

"We see," Alexandro interrupted him, rising from his seat, glaring daggers towards the stallion. "No need for medical details. When can I take the... body?" The sturdy unicorn's voice cracked, and he gulped, trying to regain his composure.

"At the morgue, tomorrow," the doctor replied laconically, avoiding direct eye contact with any of the ponies. "I... I am sorry, I need to go." With that, he bowed slightly to nopony in particular and took a hasty leave, shutting the door behind him. It was evident that telling such news was a routine for him, but at the same time he took it close to heart; maybe too close to heart for a doctor.

Vinyl shifted from hoof to hoof uneasily, the whole situation hitting hard on her, despite her not being part of the family. Or am I? the pianist asked herself. Alexandro embraced me; so did Tom... And Octavia is my family now, she concluded. It is my responsibility to protect and comfort her.

"I wonder... Where have I seen this doctor before?" Vinyl wondered aloud, trying to break the tension. Needless to say, she received no answer: Alexandro sighed and made his way towards the door, followed by Tom, who hung his head low, obediently trotting after the heartbroken stallion.

Vinyl looked at her mare, nudging her softly. "We need to go, Tavi," she cooed, trying to comfort her mare in any possible way, even being terribly shocked and disheartened herself.

The cellist nodded and slowly began walking out of the hospital, Vinyl trotting by her side.

Just as they left, The Doctor sighed and shook his head. "Death, death everywhere... Times may change, but death will always follow..." He looked up, eyeing the flickering light of the lamp. "Maybe it isn't such a curse to be immortal?.."

***

Octavia lay next to her lover, blue moon peeking into the window of the Philarmonico mansion. Vinyl was stroking her mane, kissing her neck lovingly, but the cellist barely noticed it: she felt like a living corpse, an automation devoid of feelings. She couldn't bring herself to think about her mother, or the eventual funeral, or what she was to do, with no job and no source of income at all. Worries avoided her, creating an invisible shield around her mind. Maybe it was a natural reaction, Octavia thought. Maybe the depression and apathy were the only cures that were preventing her from comprehending the dreadful fact that her own mother had committed suicide. Maybe these dispassionate feelings were preventing her from going insane.

Octavia got up, a sudden urge hitting her like a tidal wave, drowning all other desires. She needed to get away from it all. She desperately needed to go out, and that longing acted against everything she stood for now, contradicting her nature and common sense. I met Vinyl when I just went out like this, she mused, trying to explain and justify the feeling. My intuition's never failed me before... she concluded. ...But it doesn't mean it won't fail me now.

The grey mare freed herself of her mare's embrace, rising to her hooves clumsily, the effect of the sleepless night and troublesome day making its presence known.

"Tavi?" Vinyl asked with concern. "Where are you going?" Please, Tavi, don't do anything stupid... she prayed mentally, knowing very well that she wouldn't be able to stop the stubborn mare at this point.

"I'm going into town," Octavia replied simply, having no elaborate idea where her brain was leading her hooves. Not that she cared; at this point, she decided to simply obey. Obeying was easy. Everything was easy when she didn't have to decide things herself.

"Tavi-" the unicorn opened her mouth, trying to reason her cellist, to stop her, to offer her companionship... but closed it the next instant. Tavi needs some time alone, she realised. Who am I to rip her of this privilege?

"Just promise me one thing, Tavi," she said instead, looking into Octavia's eyes seriously. "Promise me that you'll never leave me." She paused for a moment, eyeing the grey pony's dispassionate face. "Whatever happens, remember that I'm always here for you. I... I wouldn't bear it... if... you..." Vinyl couldn't bring herself to finish the phrase, her eyes stinging from approaching tears.

Octavia's face expression softened slightly, and a sad smile appeared on her face. "Don't worry, love. I'm just going for a walk. I'll never leave you," she said with sudden determination and pure honesty in her voice. "I promise." She kissed Vinyl on the tip of her horn, stroking her cheek lovingly.

Vinyl nodded, leaning back, and with that, Octavia headed towards the door, her silhouette soon vanishing in the night.