"I must say, Sir, this is a real honour," Flash said with a big smile on his face.

"FOR YOU, MAYBE," Solaris responded.

"I mean, me, being appointed as a personal bodyguard to the father of the princesses? I'd never have guessed my career would ever go in that direction."

"I'M JUST GLAD I GET TO HAVE A BREAK FROM ALL THE BAD NEWS I'VE BEEN GETTING FROM MY DAUGHTERS. BETWEEN YOU AND ME, I CAN'T REALLY SAY I'M ALL TOO PLEASED WITH HOW THE NATON HAS BEEN SINCE MY TIME AS LEADER."

Flash, naturally, seemed taken aback by that. "But Sir, if you'll pardon me for saying so, I see no reason for you to feel let down. Ponies like myself have prospered and been happy under that rule for generations. Ask anypony in the street and they'll say nothing but good things about your daughters."

"BE THAT AS IT MAY, I ENVISIONED PONYKIND MOVING FORWARD TO GREATER AND GREATER HEIGHTS, NOT SIMPLY TO KICK BACK AND BE CONTENT."

Flash thought for a while on how best to answer that. "Well...can you at least be happy that Celestia and Luna will be remembered fondly? Now that they're retired?"

"...PARDON?"

"Sir?"

"WHAT THE FLIP DO YOU MEAN RETIRED? THEY'RE NOT IN CHARGE ANYMORE?"

"Well...no. Princess Twilight now rules in their stead."

"I'M ASSUMING SHE'S ONE OF THE MERE THREE NEW ALICORNS MY CHILDREN INFORMED ME ABOUT?"

"Er, yes, Sir. She is. She's been an alicorn princess for some years now, but she assumed the throne of Equestria a few days back. It was a wonderful ceremony, Sir."

"I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD THE CEREMONY WAS. MY DAUGHTERS SHOULD NOT HAVE STEPPED DOWN. AS ROYALTY AND AS ALICORNS, THEY HAD A RESPONSIBILITY TO WATCH OVER PONYKIND AND EQUESTRIA."

The young stallion before him looked somewhat nervous after a remark like that. "I'm sure you feel that way, but I can assure you that, while we ponies may miss the days of them being in charge, Celestia has certainly ensured a great legacy for herself, and will no doubt go down in history as one of the most beloved leaders in Equestrian history."

"AND LUNA TOO, I'M ASSUMING?"

Flash's smile returned, and he nodded firmly. "Oh yes, certainly. Ponies really grew to love her just as much as her sister, even in spite of her long absence."

"...WHAT?"

"What?"

"ABSENCE? WHAT ABSENCE? WHERE DID SHE GO?"

Instantly, Flash started to look worried, turning to look to the great doors of the chamber. "Oh, I just thought, I mean, I figured they'd..." Realising that he was going to be the one to have to talk about this, he steeled himself, taking a deep breath before again looking to his new charge. "Well, Sir, about a thousand years ago there was...a bit of a disagreement between your daughters. Princess Luna became somewhat resentful over the fact that everypony seemed to like Celestia more. You know, what with everypony else being asleep when Luna was in charge?"

"UNDERSTANDABLE. DID SHE JUST UP AND QUIT FOR A WHILE TO MAKE EVERYPONY APPRECIATE HER?"

Flash winced. "Well...actually...she sort of took on a new identity. Nightmare Moon. And she attempted to usurp Celestia and become Equestria's sole ruler, ushering in an era of eternal night."

"...ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

"I'm afraid so, my Lord," Flash answered sheepishly.

"SO I WAKE UP TO FIND OUT THAT NOT ONLY HAVE MY HOPES AND DREAMS FOR PONYKIND NOT BEEN MADE REAL, BUT A FULL-ON CIVIL WAR HAS ERUPTED BETWEEN MY CHILDREN?"

Flash avoided his gaze for a while. "It's...actually worse than that. When it looked like Lu...like Nightmare Moon was going to win, Celestia used the Elements of Harmony, and their magic banished her to the moon for a thousand years. It's only in the last few years that she's been back among us."

"ALONE IN THE MOON FOR A THOUSAND YEARS. I'M SURPRISED LUNA DIDN'T GO INSANE DURING THAT TIME."

Flash, perhaps in a desperate bid to cheer up the mood, put on a smile. "Well, she's back now and everypony likes her. That's good, right?"

"GOOD, YOU SAY? HALF OF MY PROGENY ALLOWED THEIR RESENTMENT TO LEAD THEM TO FALL PREY TO DARK POWERS, THEN WENT TO WAR AGAINST THE OTHER HALF. I MUST BE THE ONLY RULER IN HISTORY TO HAVE EVER HAD SUCH A THING HAPPEN IN THEIR FAMILY."

All of a sudden, Flash took on a more confused look. "Huh, why do I feel like I should refute that point?" he muttered to himself.

"SO TELL ME, SONNY-JIM. EXACTLY HOW DID THIS MESS OF A SIBLING RIVALRY GET RESOLVED?"

Here, Flash seemed a touch more relaxed. "Oh, Princess Twilight and her friends were able to get the Elements of Harmony and use their power to turn Luna back into her old self, thus saving the day!"

"WELL, I CAN CERTAINLY SEE WHY MY DAUGHTER TRUSTED THIS TWILIGHT PERSON TO TAKE ON HER ROLE AS LEADER."

"Agreed, Sir!" Flash responded enthusiastically. "There's barely a pony out there who thinks anything less of her."

"BUT HOLD UP, WHY DIDN'T THE ELEMENTS CHANGE LUNA BACK TO HER OLD SELF WHEN CELESTIA USED THEM?"

"I..." Flash paused, blinking a few times before speaking up again. "Huh, why didn't they?"

"NEVERTHELESS, I'M GLAD THIS CONFLICT BETWEEN MY CHILDREN IS OVER. THOUGH IT DOESN'T DO WELL FOR MY CONTINUED BELIEF THAT THINGS IN THIS NATION HAVE GONE TO TARTARUS SINCE I'VE BEEN IN CHARGE."

Flash stepped forward after that. "Oh, you needn't worry, Sir. There have been a few bumps along the road, but Equestria is as good as it's ever been."

"YOU MAY THINK THAT, SMALL FRY. BUT I DO NOT. THINGS SHOULD BE BETTER THAN THEY ARE. THEY SHOULD BE MAGNIFICENT. AND ABOVE ALL THINGS LIKE MY DAUGHTERS TURNING ON EACH OTHER SHOULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED. SO HERE'S THE DEAL. YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME EVERYTHING CELESTIA AND LUNA ARE CLEARLY TOO WORRIED TO TELL ME ABOUT. EVERY BIG DISASTER, EVERY CHANGE THAT'S OCCURRED WHILE I'VE BEEN GONE, ALL OF IT. I DON'T WANT A SINGLE DETAIL LEFT OUT, ARE WE CLEAR?"

Flash stared at him for a while, then glanced back to the chamber's doors, before again looking to his new responsibility. After a full minute of looking like he was putting puzzle pieces together in his head, he took on a more exasperated look. "Ah...the princesses just dumped a job on me that they didn't want themselves, didn't they?"

"WELL, LOOK AT THAT, THE BOY ACTUALLY HAS A BRAINCELL OR TWO."

Extremely tired custodian mode activated 😏