Can You Keep a Secret?

by cleverpun

First published 10th of September, 2012

Pinkie has a horrible secret, and the only thing she's ever told is a journal

Pinkie has a horrible secret; she's a changeling. She has been for a while.

But she can't bring herself to tell anyone or anything, except a cheap journal. It's better if nopony knows, after all, and her lies aren't hurting anyone.

Not hurting anyone at all...

Notes: CH 1 edited by Sessaslisk.

Of Course I Can

Hello. My name is Pinkie Pie. I know nopony will ever read this; By Celestia I hope nopony ever does… But I couldn’t hold it in anymore, and they say journals keep secrets as well as anything. Can you keep a secret? Of course you can, how silly of me to ask.

I’m a changeling. But it’s more than that, I’ve been a changeling for a while, and I’ve been lying to everypony about it ever since. Let me start at the beginning.

I guess it was about a year ago. It was a few months after that meanie queenie tried to take over Canterlot at the wedding. I just woke up one day, and I was a changeling. I know right? Seems so abrupt, so crazy. But it’s the truth, Pinkie Promise.

I was pretty upset you know, I guess anypony would be. My coat was all… blegh, dark and unkempt, and my hooves looked like Swiss cheese. I didn’t know what to do. I spent a long time just staring at the mirror in my bathroom, crying. What would my friends think of me? What would the town do to me when they found out? And I was staring at the mirror, wishing I looked like my old pink self, there was this flash of green fire, and before I knew it, I looked just like my old self! I guess changeling powers work from your thoughts. Twilight would probably explain it better. I guess I still don’t understand them very well. Kinda weird right? A changeling who hasn’t figured out their own powers, who can only do one disguise…

But it was perfect, the disguise I mean. Even I couldn’t tell what was underneath it. My coat was the same bright pink, my mane was nice and poofy, and my cutie mark was the same as always. And my brain still worked. That was the most important part. Everything about me was exactly the same. Except underneath my chocolate Pinkie coating, there was a chewy, changeling center.

I wasn’t sure what to do then. I mean, I couldn’t tell anypony! What if they rejected me? Fired me from my job? Exiled me from Ponyville? No, I couldn’t tell anypony. I had to live with it. Even if there was a cure nopony would look at me the same way again if they knew. It was better if I kept it to myself.

I took the day off from work. I told the cakes I was having some identity issues. I guess they thought I was joking, and I sort of was. I don’t use my personal days very much anyway. So, I went to the library and checked out a book on changelings. Twilight asked what I needed it for, and I said I was thinking of making changeling cookies for Nightmare Night. The first of many lies. So many lies…

The book was pretty helpful, though. It told me changelings feed on love. I knew that from the wedding of course, but it also said that it didn’t need to be the romantic kind of love. Platonic love would work too. That sometimes changelings didn’t even bother to replace somepony, and just integrated into a town and made themselves well-liked…

It was perfect. What better pony to be turned into a changeling than me? I could feed off the love everypony had for me, and everything could stay exactly the same. Nopony would have to know what had happened to me, I wouldn’t have to burden them with my problems, and best of all, they wouldn’t have any reason to be afraid of me.

I had to lie to them of course. It was for their good and mine. At least, that’s what I tell myself. Every day I have to wake up in that horrible body, and then I go into the bathroom and put on my costume. I’m not sure why I go in there to do it. Maybe I hope one day I’ll look into the mirror and I’ll be normal. Perhaps I like to pretend I’m like Rarity putting on her make-up. I’m still the same exact pony, right? Knowing the truth would only cause everypony problems. I’ve wanted to tell them, so many times, and there’s been a few times where they almost found out. This one time Rainbow Dash crashed into my room when I was sleeping, and I almost didn’t have enough time to disguise myself. All the dust blocked the light and fire, though.

I guess I’m ranting aren’t I? I was never a great writer I suppose, my mind always wanders when I’m writing, but really I just wanted to get it all out, before I broke down and told somepony. It’s better if they never know. It’s better to just live with the lie. Besides, it’s really not so bad being a changeling. Sometimes I even forget about it, until I wake up.

I had planned to burn this after I wrote this little confession, but this has actually been helpful… Maybe I’ll do it again? I have to go though. Today is Twilight’s birthday, and I still have to finish up the decorations. I just didn’t want to have an outburst at the party. I mean, could you imagine? It’d be one thing to tell just one pony; at least they could keep a secret, but parties can’t keep secrets!

Anyway, I have to go, but… thanks for listening.

Twilight put down the journal. That was the only entry in it anyway. She heard somepony coming up the stairs, and quickly shoved the book back into Pinkie’s nightstand.

“Hey Twilight, did you find those streamers yet?” Pinkie hopped into her room, as chipper as ever.

“Uh, no, sorry. Your room is kind of a mess Pinkie. Uh, no offense.”

Pinkie scanned her room, and shrugged. “What, you don’t sort your room by color? It’s way easier in the long run!”

“Uh, I guess…”

“It’s okay Twilight, I’ll help you find it. You’re supposed to be such an organized Ophelia, shouldn’t be that hard!”

Pinkie began rummaging through her dresser, and as Twilight watched her, nothing seemed different. It was definitely Pinkie Pie, in personality and appearance…

“Aha! Found it! See, purple streamers, right next to the purple hats and purple shoes, in the purple set of drawers. Super simple, right?”

“You definitely have a… unique logic to your room.”

“Oh Twilight, someday you’ll appreciate my particular type of genius. Now c’mon, gotta get these up before the other guests arrive!”

Pinkie bounced off down the stairs, but Twilight didn’t follow her right away. She was completely unsure how to react to what she had just read… It was true there was no known way to reverse a changeling transformation, and she distinctly remembered Pinkie borrowing that book from the library so many months ago, but, it was such an unsettling idea. She would never have suspected that Pinkie had forged such a convincing façade, or that she was so dependent on what other ponies thought of her, that she was so afraid of their reaction.

“Twilight, you coming?”

“Oh, yeah…”

Twilight followed Pinkie down the stairs, where Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were helping put up the streamers they had found. Pinkie was bouncing around, setting doilies everywhere. They had seemed a perfect decoration for Rarity’s birthday, she had explained to everypony earlier. A timer rung from the kitchen, and Pinkie went to check on whatever was cooking, still hopping instead of walking, just like she always did…

Just like she always had.

“Is something wrong Twilight?”

Twilight looked up to find the two pegasi staring at her. She was about to say something, but Pinkie burst through the door carrying a tray of cupcakes before any words came out.

“There, perfect! Like my cutie mark cupcakes? Good thing Rarity has a boring one haha! Uh… Why’s it so quiet? I was just kidding, you know, I like Rarity’s cutie mark.”

“No, it’s not that, Twilight just seemed distracted.”

“I’m fine Fluttershy, it’s nothing, really. Here, let me help you with those Pinkie, they look great…”

The two pegasi continued hanging streamers, and Twilight helped Pinkie shuffle the cupcakes onto a desert tray.

It’s not nothing… She thought quietly to herself. But I can keep a secret can’t I? At least for one party… I can keep a secret…

Author's Notes:

So much blunt narration...

This was the third fanfic I ever wrote. It has some nice ideas, but still not my best work. And like I have and would and still do, I caved to peer pressure and wrote more chapters to it even though it was intended as a oneshot.

But...

It had been three days since Twilight had found Pinkie’s journal. She had gone through a dozen sheets of parchment, making pro/con lists about why she should or shouldn’t tell everypony, and she still wasn’t sure… But one thing was certain; she had to confront Pinkie. The truth had already begun to eat at Twilight, she had no idea how Pinkie must feel. And that journal wasn’t dated, but Twilight’s birthday was a while ago… Pinkie had been living with this for so long, Twilight couldn’t let her suffer, not now that she knew, no matter how uncomfortable it might be.

As she stood there helping Pinkie bake cupcakes, however, it wasn’t so easy.

“Something wrong Twilight? You’re getting that spacey look again…”

“Oh, uhm, sorry.”

“C’mon Twilight, you said you wanted a cooking lesson, you’re not even paying attention! You may be good but you’re not that good haha!”

Pinkie juggled some eggs, and tossed them one at a time into a bowl on the counter. Somehow, they all hit the rim and broke neatly, the shells flying out of the bowl and the yolks settling at the bottom.

“Tada! Took me a while to get that one down, y’know. Not strictly necessary for baking cupcakes, but I like to think the more fun you have when you make them, the better they taste! You should be writing this down!”

Pinkie hopped over to the bowl and began to whisk said eggs. Twilight continued to stand there, crippled by indecision.

Come on Twilight, just tell her, just say it. Better to get it over with. Just say something, just blurt it out, just… do something. Do anything. Do something!

“Pinkie?”

“Yeah?”

“I know.”

“Know what?”

“I know about… the thing…”

Pinkie stopped whisking and checked her rear hooves.

“Nah, it’s okay, I didn’t step in anything today, thanks for letting me know though!” She went back to the whisk.

“No, Pinkie… I know about… what happened to you.”

“Twilight, there were a lot of ponies at that party, everyone saw me trip into the cake. It’s okay, it was pretty funny!” Pinkie let out a sharp giggle, and then continued whisking.

“No, Pinkie…”

Just spit it out already!

“Pinkie, I… I read your journal.”

“Which one?”

“The one where you confessed that you were a changeling.”

Pinkie froze for a few moments, and then continued whisking.

“So, you were snooping around my room?”

“I-I’m sorry, but I was looking for those streamers at Rarity’s party, and I just happened upon it… But Pinkie, this isn’t about me, this is about you; How could you not have told anypony about this!”

“It’s alright Twilight, I forgive you for being a nosy nelly, it’s really not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal! Pinkie how can you say that!”

Pinkie finally put down her whisk, even though the eggs had been quite well-beaten for several minutes now, and turned slowly towards Twilight.

“Because, I can say that because… I wrote that for my creative writing class!”

“What.”

“Yeah, I was taking one at the Adult Ponycation Center. They were having this deal on night classes, and…”

“Pinkie that’s the worst lie ever! I’ve never seen you go there, and you never mentioned it before, and I volunteer as their secretary every Tuesday night and I never saw your name on any class registries!”

“Oh, uh, that’s because I kind of… got kicked out, for being disruptive. That’s why that’s the only story in that journal, hehe.”

“Pinkie…”

“No, really, I’m flattered Twilight, the fact you got so worked up just means my story was that good, haha!”

“Well, if it was just a story, then you wouldn’t mind saying so with a Pinkie Promise?”

Pinkie eyes darted to the right before she answered. “Gee… seems a silly thing to use a Pinkie Promise on Twilight…”

“That’s what I thought…” Twilight turned to leave.

“Ok, ok, grab your griffons Twi. I’ll Pinkie Promise it was just a story.” She stared at her hoof for a moment before saying the words. “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” She did the motions and then put her hoof over her eye. “See, just a story, Pinkie Promise.” Pinkie let out a weak smile, and then turned back to the bowl of eggs.

“Now, if you want to finish this baking lesson, stop yakking and watch carefully! This next step is really important.”

Twilight indecision had been replaced with embarrassment, and she remained where she was standing.

“I’m really sorry Pinkie, I wasted your time over a silly story.”

“Twilight, really don’t…”

But Twilight had already left.

As soon as Pinkie heard the door close, she finally let herself breathe. She rushed up to her room, went straight to her nightstand and pulled out the journal.

“You couldn’t keep a secret at all, could you!?” She accused the book. When it failed to answer she opened it and ripped out the two pages she had written with her teeth, and walked over to her bathroom and flushed them down the toilet.

Later that night, Twilight was still mortified by her faux pas. She had tried finishing her book about Morgan le Foal, but she just couldn’t get her mind off of her so-called confrontation.

All that time I spent thinking of what to say, worrying about it, and instead of some climactic conflict, it was just a silly creative writing exercise. I feel like such a fool, I can’t imagine how Pinkie feels, what she thinks of me…

As Twilight sat there thinking, she suddenly heard a knock on the door.

“Huh, awful late for any checkouts or returns…”

She got up to answer the door, but before she could, Applejack had forced it open.

“AJ? What’s wrong?”

“It’s Rainbow Dash; she’s in the hospital!”

Should I?

Rainbow Dash looked… tired. The bland hospital bed threw all her features into sharp focus. There were large bags under her eyes, and her breathing was shallow and labored. Her mane was distinctly unkempt.

The four ponies waited for the doctor to finish inspecting all her charts and her IV.

“Well, is she going to be alright doctor?”

“Oh yes, she’s going to be fine. She just has a severe case of fatigue, both physical and magical. Luckily she didn’t injure herself when she fainted. We gave her an IV and an MV,” He jerked a hoof at the needles and tubes leading into Dash’s arm. “and when she wakes up we’ll give her some dense food, and she should be alright in no time.”

“And what exactly caused this?”

“Well, the physical exhaustion could be any number of reasons, the magical I don’t know… And the fact that they both happened together, well... We’ll have to ask her when she wakes up.” The doctor hooked the clipboard back onto Rainbow’s bed and trotted to the exit.

“If she wakes up buzz a nurse, and if you can think of any reason for her condition, now would be the time to discuss it.”

The four ponies crowded around Dash’s bed, all of them clearly shaken by her condition. Twilight broke from the group and began pacing.

“Okay, Applejack, what exactly happened? You were talking so fast on the way here I didn’t really catch it all.”

“Well, me ‘n’ Rainbow ‘n’ Pinkie were having dinner together at The Chow Wagon, and about halfway through, Rainbow just… fainted. She looked perfectly fine one minute, and the next she was stiller than a cow pie in January. We called an ambulance, and Pinkie told me to go get y’all and she’d go with Rainbow Dash.”

“So where is she now?”

“Oh, uhm, when I got here, she said she had a stomachache, that it was probably something she ate, and that she was going to go home and rest.”

“Hmm…”

“Is something the matter Twilight?” Rarity stopped fluffing Rainbow’s pillows as she asked.

“No, it’s probably nothing. Now that we know Rainbow is going to be alright, I’ll go let Pinkie know. You three stay here in case she comes to.”

“Alright, sounds like a plan.”

As Twilight walked out of the hospital, a number of thoughts and feelings ran through her mind, but one ran in front of all the others.

No, it couldn’t be… She made a Pinkie Promise after all. It’s probably just a coincidence, yeah… just a coincidence…

Her mind wandered the entire walk, and the more she wondered the faster she trotted.

It didn’t take her long to reach Sugarcube Corner, and the sun was setting as she knocked on the door. The was a momentary shuffle inside, and Pinkie eventually opened the door.

“Oh, uh, hi Twilight, what’s up?”

“Rainbow Dash is going to be fine, just thought I should let you know.”

“Whew, that’s good to hear! I always knew she’d pull through though, she is Rainbow Dash after all!”

“Yeah… Uh, Pinkie, can I come in?”

“Oh, sure.” Pinkie stepped aside and Twilight walked into the building. She noted that all the lights were off. As Pinkie locked the door, Twilight began to walk up the stairs, a little faster than she should’ve.

“Uhm, Twilight? What’s wrong.” Pinkie followed her, and suddenly she heard a loud rustling coming from above, and as she burst into her own room she saw Twilight holding the journal by its front cover, the remains of those two pages sticking out plainly.

“I knew it. I didn’t want to believe it but it’s true…”

“Twilight, I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about…”

Twilight threw the journal at Pinkie feet. “Don’t lie to me Pinkie, not again. Losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend forever!”

“I don’t…”

“Forever Pinkie!”

Pinkie bit her bottom lip.

“Alright Twilight, here’s the truth… I-I sent that story to the Ponyville Express, but they rejected it and I couldn’t handle the disappointment, so I ripped it up and flushed it down the toilet.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Huh…” Twilight looked contemplative for a moment.

“Honestly Twilight, sometimes you can be such a paranoid Priscilla.”

Twilight remained silent for a moment, but as Pinkie reached to pick up the damaged diary, she suddenly turned and fired a bolt of magic at Pinkie. There was a flash of light, and a tremendous cloud of pink smoke and dust.

“*coughcough* Twilight, what are you doing?”

The smoke and dust settled, and Pinkie looked down at her hoof. She was holding the journal, but there was a distinct patch of black near it that seemed out of place, the wrong shape and texture to be a part of the book’s glossy black cover…

“Oh no…”

She scanned herself and saw patches of black hair peeking out of her pink coat all over her body, and as she realized what Twilight had done her disguise began to scrunch up and peel away. Just before it would’ve snapped off her pink costume burned away in a screen of green fire, and Pinkie was left exposed, her body as black as the journal still in her hand, and her eyes bright green and reptilian. A pair of beetle-like wings slowly unstuck from her body, and her mane ballooned away from her head, still poofy and unkempt, but a dull shade of greenish pink instead of its usual hue.

“I never thought I’d use that changeling revelation spell like this…”

“Twilight wait, I can explain!”

“Explain what Pinkie!? That you were turned into a changeling and didn’t trust anypony enough to tell them!? Or that you’ve been lying to the entire town for over a year!?” Her voice became quieter but no less angry. “Or that you almost killed Rainbow Dash by draining her…”

Pinkie dropped the journal, large tears swelling in her eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt her Twilight, I would never… it was just all the pony food at that restaurant, and the three of us were having such a good time, I just… I just overate a little. And before I knew what was happening Rainbow Dash was on the floor and they were calling an ambulance and…” The tears in her eyes swelled again, and Pinkie collapsed in a heap of sobs. “I-I didn’t m-mean to f-feed on her th-that much! I-it just h-happened!”

“Pinkie you should know better than anyone how important it is to trust your friends! Remember what you told me… Losing a friend’s trust is-”

“Of c-course I remember th-that!” Pinkie quickly rubbed some tears from her eyes. “Why else do you think I kept it a secret!” She shakily stood up, still trying to keep herself from crying. “If everypony knew the truth, how could they ever trust me again?”

“Pinkie that’s insane! The truth can be uncomfortable, but lies always do more damage than the truth ever could!”

“Well then here’s the truth Twilight!” She turned around and finally looked Twilight in the eye. “The truth is I’m a changeling, a horrible, evil, wretched changeling!” She opened her mouth and let out a loud hiss, then kicked her dresser with her rear hooves. The wood splintered with a flash of green light, and the distinct smell of charcoal began to fill the air as smoke rose from the place she had struck it. She stared at what she had done, and then fell to the ground again, crying much more quietly than before.

“Pinkie…” Twilight approached Pinkie, hoof outstretched, but the crying pony quickly shuffled away.

“Don’t touch me!”

Twilight withdrew her hoof. “Pinkie, you may look… different on the outside, but on the inside you’re still the same upbeat, bubbly pony I met back on my first day in Ponyville. Your hair may be black, but deep down I know you’re still the same. If I had the Element of Laughter I bet…”

“I’m not the element of anything anymore, I’m just a filthy monster.”

“Pinkie… listen. I know lies may have seemed like the easy answer at the time, I know the truth seems like it can hurt, but I always be your friend, everypony will, no matter what!”

Pinkie finally took her face out of her arms and looked at Twilight, tears streaming down her face.

“Now who’s lying?”

“What?”

“Lies are better Twilight, I know that now. Because the moment you found that journal, the moment you found the truth, you stopped loving me.”

“What!?”

“I could tell. Ever since Rarity’s party I haven’t been able to siphon any love from you, and it was all because of the truth. That’s the simple fact, the truth hurts, and that’s all it does. That’s how I could make that fake Pinkie Promise, by realizing the obvious…”

“Pinkie, I know this hasn’t been easy for you… I can’t imagine how hard it’s been. But you’re talking crazy. I’ll always be your friend, I was just… surprised. The truth sets ponies free, it heals; you’ve been living with this web of lies so long you’re not thinking clearly. Just let me help you.”

Pinkie’s ears flipped up.

“That’s right, you can help me.” Pinkie rose, though still unsteady from all the crying she had done, was still doing.

“You can keep a secret Twilight! Way better than that stupid journal ever did. If you just keep this to yourself, then everything can go back to normal, and you’ll be my journal instead. You can keep a secret can’t you Twilight? Promise me you’ll keep this a secret. You may not love me anymore, but if you just knew what I’ve been through, you’d understand. You can protect me from everypony else, protect me from myself, and everything can go back to normal… I can be normal.”

“Pinkie, of course I can keep a secret, but…” She looked away. “I don’t think I should keep this one… not after what happened to Rainbow Dash, not after seeing what you’ve done to yourself. Just come with me and we’ll tell the others, everything can’t be normal, but we can make a new normal. Everyone loves you, we can always make…”

“Twilight, I thought you’d understand, but you don’t. You just don’t understand Twilight! Even if I wanted to tell everypony, I can’t. If they know the truth they’ll stop loving me, and if I don’t have anypony’s love to feed off of, I’ll die.”

“Pinkie…”

Pinkie suddenly grabbed the journal and ran towards her window, and before Twilight could stop her she had cleared it and started buzzing noisily as she flew off.

“Pinkie Pie, no! Wait! Stop!”

Twilight tried to line up a spell, but Pinkie’s dark fur was too hard to pick out against the twilit night, and she quickly vanished into the distance.

Hello. My name is Pinkie Pie. I know nopony will ever read this; This time I’ll make sure of it. You can keep a secret, I know you can. Twilight just stumbled upon you that’s all, I wasn’t careful enough.

This time it’ll be different, I just need to find another town. You can keep all my secrets, and I can pretend to be myself. Nopony will know me there, I can pretend to be myself, and nopony from Ponyville will find me. I can build myself another web of lies, and the truth will only be in you and I’ll hide you where nopony can find you.

Twilight doesn’t get it, I can’t trust her with the truth. She doesn’t love me anymore and there’s nothing I can do about that, but I just need to find a new town. I hear Manehattan is nice, maybe I’ll try there.

Just keep my secrets and we’ll be fine. As long as you do that everything can be normal…

Look at me, I’m ranting again. Maybe I really should take a creative writing class, make these things a bit more neat. And it’d make a nice backup in case somepony accidentally finds you again… I know it’s not your fault, and it’s not Twilights, I’m just upset because I know I’ll never see any of my friends again… Twilight can’t keep a secret, not like you…

Anyway, I have to go, it’s a long trip, and I should probably get some sleep.

Consequences

Hello again. I know I haven’t told you anything in a while. It’s not easy getting to Manehattan with no bits though… Shoulda grabbed my purse or something. Guess I didn’t think this through. Well, okay, obviously I didn’t think this through, but I couldn’t stay in Ponyville. When Twilight confronted me I had no Idea what to do, and I just panicked and… well, here I am; in some cave in some forest a few miles away from Manehattan.

It’s not that bad though, most animals don’t want to come near me, disguise or not. And I haven’t really gotten hungry, not yet. Guess I have a lot of energy left over from… that incident.

I just wanted to say, it’s really lonely out here. Another thing I didn’t consider when I ran off. But being alone is easier than confronting my friends, I know it. Just thinking about them, how they must feel about me after Twilight told them what I’ve become… no, I just gotta put them out of my mind, I can never go back after all.

I can never go back, and I’ll miss them, but it’s better this way. Just have to get to the city and build a new set of lies. It’ll be easier this time, my new friends will never know anything was wrong, never know what I used to be like…

Okay, I should go, I’m really tired for some reason. Hope I get there soon, regular food just doesn’t have the same… kick ever since I became a changeling.

Twilight had been putting off entering the building for a while now. She was happy Rainbow had recovered, but it meant she had no excuse not to tell her friends what had happened to Pinkie. Oh, I’ll just wait until Rainbow recovers so I can tell them all at once. She had told herself. She should have known better; now it was time and she wasn’t ready. But it had to be done.

She took a deep breath and walked into the hospital, making her way up to Rainbow’s room.

They took it well. Or rather, they took it much better than Twilight had expected.

“So lemme get this straight Twilight… Pinkie is… has bin a changeling for over a year, and when you found out you confronted her, without telling any of us, and now she’s run away?” Applejack was surprisingly calm as she asked.

“Yes.”

Rarity began to tear up and Fluttershy quickly followed suit. AJ and Dash were more stoic, but clearly upset by the news.

“So the reason I fainted in that restaurant…”

“Yes, she… overate.”

“Huh…” Rainbow absently rubbed the bandage where her IVs had been, but didn’t say anything else.

“So… yeah…”

Applejack brought her hoof up to her face, although Twilight couldn’t tell if she was rubbing her eyes or was just exasperated.

“Twilight, I don’t know which is worse; that Pinkie has bin lyin’ to us this entire time, or that when you found out the truth you didn’t bother to tell us about it!”

“You think I didn’t want to!? But you didn’t read what Pinkie wrote in that journal; she was incredibly unstable, I was trying to be delicate. If we had all confronted her who knows what she would’ve done!”

“Gee I dunno, maybe she would’ve run away?”

“Fine, maybe I didn’t handle it as well as I could’ve…”

“You didn’t handle it well at all! Our friend is all alone somewhere and we have no way to find her or help her!”

“Aha, luckily I’ve been working on that.” Twilight levitated some crumpled, wrinkly scraps of paper out of her bag.

“What are those?”

“These are what’s going to help us find Pinkie. They’ll lead us right to her, but it might be a long trip, and I’ll need all of your help to bring her back.”

The four ponies exchanged glances.

“What?”

Silence.

Rainbow Dash finally cleared her throat. “I’m not saying I don’t want her back but… What if something like this happens again?” She waved a hoof at the various medical monitors around her bed.

“Dash how can you say that!”

“You’re not the one in the bed Twilight, don’t look at me that way.”

“Well, I’m definitely goin’.” AJ grabbed her hat. “What about the rest of y’all?”

Well, it’s been a month or so since I’ve been in Manehattan. I found a job at a bakery pretty easily, and I moved into a cheap apartment downtown. Kind of… unfurnished, but it’s not bad.

My coworkers are alright, there’s this one who’s really serious about everything, it’s pretty funny! I’m tempted to try and be friends with him but I’ve restrained myself so far.

Nopony suspects a thing. I’m just an upbeat chef to them. And I’m being much more careful this time. Whenever anypony asks to hang out, or if I want to go to a party, I tell them I’m busy, or that I’ve got work to do. I don’t want to get too… attached to anypony. I can’t let something like what happened to… what I did to Rainbow Dash… I’ll never let that happen again, I can’t let that happen ever again. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I hurt someone, or worse...

I miss Gummi and my friends. I keep telling myself to forget about them, that even if I saw them again they wouldn’t want anything to do with me, but it’s hard… I still have you though, and nopony needs to know about how much I miss them except you and me. Maybe now that I’ve admitted it to you it’ll be easier to lie to myself…

It gets kind of boring around here, but I’ve been throwing myself into my work, seeing movies, that sort of thing. I tried visiting the library but my mind wanders too much when I’m reading. That might be my fault for picking a book about this group of friends getting into wacky adventures…

I’ll forget about them one day, I have to. Sometimes I wish it could go back to the way it was before, where I didn’t need to rely on lies to survive, but… after so long I think I’m starting to get used to it, at least a little bit.

I tried taking that creative writing class, make these entries less illegible, but wow, all those ponies are just so full of themselves. I mean, this one mare wrote a 2 page poem about this time she messed up her perm, at least Rarity never, Rarity…

There I go thinking about them again. I try to let it all out so I won’t think about it, but I don’t know anymore… does it really work that way? I reread that other one I wrote, it just made me sad. But secrets are all I have now, I’m nothing but disjointed, shallow bag of secrets and lies…

Don’t judge me. I know you can’t, you’re a book. You may not be able to keep a secret, but at least you don’t judge me…

Pinkie’s doorbell rang, which was odd since she wasn’t expecting visitors. She closed her journal and took a deep breath. Whoever it was, at least it was better than being with herself…even if there was a layer of lies in between her and them. She got up to answer the door, and put on her best fake smile.

The charade would continue, it was all she had left.

Epilogue

“Twilight, I know I’ve asked you this before, but are ya absoLUTELY sure she’s here.”

“Of course I am. It’s like I keep telling you, these pages are from that journal she ran off with, so if she still has it the spell I cast will lead us right to her.”

“Yes Twilight, we know that, but you have repeatedly neglected to tell us exactly where you got those pages from.”

“You don’t wanna know, trust me.”

The five ponies continued walking through downtown Manehattan, playing hot-cold with the two bits of paper until they finally arrived at a large apartment complex in the middle of the city.

They took the elevator up then down, and the pieces were brightest at floor eleven. They got out at that floor and it didn’t long to arrive at room 1124.

“Alright, this must be it. Just let me do all the talking.”

“Yeah, cuz it went so well the last time you talked to her.”

Twilight gave Rainbow Dash a stern look, and then knocked hard on the door.

The sound of a lock being undone echoed loudly through the hallway, and as the door creaked open the five ponies saw a perplexed Pinkie standing in the doorway.

“Uh, hi Pinkie.” Twilight let out a weak wave and the other four followed suit. “I uhm… told them your secret.”

Pinkie stood there for a moment, basking in the love she could feel from each of her friends, and as her eyes started to tear up she fell into Twilights shoulder, crying uncontrollably as her friends all moved in to hug her.

“I’m sorry, Twilight…” Her apology was muffled by Twilight’s fur.

“So am I, Pinkie…”