Chapter Two:

I couldn’t sleep. After tossing and turning for three hours, I decided to go find a glass of water. Then I began to wonder how I’d drink it without opposable thumbs. I looked across at the snoring white pegasus on the other sofa in the room. How was Tony OK with all of this? Didn’t he wonder about those we left behind? I had so many questions, and for every answer I found, I seemed to only discover 30 new questions based on those answers.

We were staying in the living room of two very nice girls, or should I say mares, named Lyra and Bon-Bon. Lyra was a sea-green unicorn; she could be my female doppelganger, if my mane wasn’t white. Bon-Bon was a tan all-around regular pony (she called herself an “earth pony”) with a pink-and-blue mane. Together, they made an eccentric duo, but were the only ponies to offer us housing after we explained our situation.

~~

“You guys were humans? Riiight...” The green unicorn’s reaction seemed to puzzle Tony. I was still reeling from the bubblegum-pink-sugar-high-in-an-organism that took one look at us, gasped, and galloped off to who knows where. They way she looked at me made me wonder if the horn on my head was genatalia.

“Well, we were. When we showed up in Equestria, we look like you see us now.”

Tony somehow knew where we were, which for all intents and purposes, was  the land of his imaginary keychain. Honestly, I’d have been a little more judgemental if we weren’t actually in the middle of it.

“Hmm. I need a way to test you. Do you have anything that could prove it?”

Lyra’s less-than-enthusiastic reply showed that she wasn’t buying it. Tony, on seeing her, had excitedly told me she would freak out about us being human. And I quote, his actual words were, “She does it ALL the time, in the stuff I’ve read.” What, does he have the freaking encyclopedia of What to do if some Ancient Artifacts Magically Transport you to a World Designed for 6-Year Olds?

As the time here had gone by, I noticed myself growing in cynicism inverse to Tony’s loss of any military bearing. Chief Badass was quickly becoming Chief Weird-Ass in my book. The guy was acting like a grade-school girl. I mean, don’t get me started on Tony’s reaction to wings. He couldn’t even figure out how to spread them until he looked south on a certain mare, then they just kinda went FOMP, spreading on full glory, while leaving him very red faced.

Tony seemed to be letting out something he had held up inside for a very long time. Really, how could this gushing fanboy be at all close to the rattlesnake killer I had gotten to know over the previous days? Whatever the reason, I knew I’d never see Tony as my Chief again. My best guess was that this passion he held inside him was already bursting at the seams. Seriously, his most prized personal belonging was a keychain shaped like a white unicorn with a purple mane!

“Well, I have my survival pack... Or I did. Allen, can you give me your pack? Allen?” Tony sighed, then snapped, “Cadet Hamilton. Your survival pack.”

On the word cadet, I snapped back to the present surroundings. My training paid off, as I was handing my survival pack to Tony about 3 seconds before I realized what he wanted me to do.

“Look, do you think this was made for a... pony...”

Tony’s dwindling sentence gave me pause. I glanced at the pack, and noticed some subtle differences. First, the pack was designed to be accessed without opposable thumbs. Everything was oriented to be grabbed from a horse’s back, too. Wow, those were some damn powerful artifacts...

“OK, I see here that you truly believe you once were humans.” Tony relaxed at Lyra’s statement, “So i’m going to take you to the one other pony that can tell. Follow me.”

Wait, what? How could any other pony decide our human-ness better than her?

“Wait, what?” Tony’s reply proved to me that while great minds think alike, stupid minds did the same thing.

“It’s time to find Plymouth Valiant.”

Tony and I fell into step behind Lyra. I had reached that critical mass of brain non-sequitur, so I no longer felt like asking questions. We approached a house made from a tree. Or, was a it a tree grown around a house?

“Wow. The Ponyville Library. I’m actually here...” Breathed Tony, mouth agape.

A door at the base of the tree began to glow purple, and swung open, revealing a purple unicorn. “Hi there! How can I help you, Lyra?”

“Hey, Twilight. I need to speak with Valiant.”

At the mention of our mysterious human-judger, Twilight gave a frown. “Ugh. He’s out, probably killing something with that stupid flying robot of his...”

Tony was surprised as I was. “Flying robot!?” Tony blurted, bringing Twilight’s attention to the white Pegasus.

“Yes. I know, it’s slightly worrying. Oh, my name is Twilight Sparkle, by the way. What is yours?”

Tony seemed to be in shock. It was now my turn to nudge him, muttering “Cadet, your name.”

“Chief Master Sergeant Tony Baler!” Tony spoke out, automatically.

“What?” giggled Twilight. “Can I just call you Chief? That’s a really long name, and i’m fine with first-names only.”

“Whu-oh. I’m sorry. Call me Tony. This here is my... um...” Tony glanced at me, searching for the right words.

“...Cousin! Hi, I am Allen.” I said quickly.

“Hello, Allen. You know, you guys have really funny names, for ponies.”

Oh the irony, having your name critiqued by a purple unicorn named Twilight Sparkle. I swear, this stuff couldn't come from a made-up story...

Lyra sighed. “OK, fellas. You can stay the night us, for now. We’ll  try and find Valiant tomorrow.”

As she turned to show us to her place, Tony made the strangest noise I have ever heard.

~~

I came back to the present, and rose from the couch, going into the adjacent kitchen. I eventually just stuck my head under the faucet. Seriously, how can you be expected to hold a glass without fingers? I suppose magic had something to do with it, but I had no idea how to use it. I sat back down on the couch, looking out through the living room window.

Boy, it was beautiful out there. I was always a night owl; rarely did I go to sleep before midnight, even on school days. I always get entranced by how our one planet can have two completely different worlds on it, depending on the glowing thing in the sky. Speaking of, the moon here was huge. I knew it wasn’t my familiar one, as a pony’s head was vaguely outlined in the many craters and rough patches on the planetoid surface. All in all, I decided that any astronomer would happily spend time charting these foreign skies.

“Thou takest thy compliments too far, young one. We are very flattered.”

The voice came from my left. I spun around, to see a very powerful sight: The tallest pony I had yet seen, several inches taller than I stood, returned my gaze. Dressed in a powerful dark blue metallic armor, the mysterious pony looked as if the night itself had manifested into a living thing.

“Thou could say that. we are the princess of the night, after all.” She gave a small chuckle.

“So, a princess. And the princess of the night.” I thought.

It was at this moment that I realized two things: 1) She had wings AND a horn. 2) She was fucking reading my mind.

“Yes, we can do that. Thou should refrain from such language. It is not befitting of any pony, even if they come from realms outside this one.”

“You... you know?” I asked, amazed for yet another time.

“Yes. Now, enough of the pleasantry, Thou art a trespasser from another world. Explain to us how thine self came upon the safety lines.”

I drew a blank.

The princess of the night sighed. “We see. We must further probe thy thoughts to find the answer.”

She lowered her head, pointing her horn at me. A glowing aura surrounded the both of us, and the outside world blurred into a dreamy dark blue, only to reappear moments later as a study, complete with reading lamps and an old-style desk. Motioning to a padded seat in the corner, the princess commanded me to sit.

“Understand this is necessary, so both your and our questions may be fully answered.”

I sat, and the world became a dreamy landscape of color.

A big thanks to totallynotabrony for editing this chapter!