“Wow, Rarity! That was one kinky dream!” Twilight took a sip of her tea.

“Yes, I was rather surprised when Cadance showed up, but then, that was hardly the most confusing part.” Rarity likewise took a sip of her tea.

“That part with Luna sounded pretty fun, though. Creepy, but fun.”

“Yes, I suppose it was. But, alas, all dreams must come to an end. Perhaps that’s for the best. All those unrealistic occurrences would no doubt become tiresome.”

“Mebbe.”

Rarity began to raise her teacup to her mouth again, when Applejack burst into her kitchen.

“Uhm, I know y’all were winding down, refractory period ‘n’ all that, but we kinda got a problem with Rainbow.” AJ was clearly winded as she spoke.

“Oh?” Rarity returned to her teacup. “Surely there’s enough ponies around to handle those particular problems?”

“Well, it’s about that move…”

Rarity sighed and followed Applejack upstairs.

Pinkie was waiting in her room. Rainbow Dash was lying on the bed. Her mouth and legs were wide open, and both were dripping slightly. Aside from the occasional quiver, she was mostly motionless.

“What happened to her?” Twilight asked.

Pinkie poked the quivering pile of pegasus. Rainbow twitched slightly and moaned lightly, but otherwise didn’t react. Additional jabs to her ribcage had the same quivering result.

“Pinkie, stop that,” AJ snapped. “We were doin’ the reverse whatchamacallit and she kinda fainted.” She waved a hoof at Rainbow. “She’s been layin’ there quiverin’ ever since.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “That means you did it correctly. That’s why it’s called the reverse credit card: you check out at the end.”

“Oh.”

“She’ll be fine. Couldn’t Cadance have told you this?”

“She’s busy with Chrysalis.”

“And Fluttershy!” Pinkie added, giving Rainbow another poke in the ear.

“But what am I supposed to do until she wakes up?” AJ asked sheepishly.

“You’ve still got Pinkie.”

“Ain’t the same.”

“So just spend time with Rainbow anyway.”

“What!? That seems kind of, uhm…”

Rarity brushed a hoof through Applejack’s mane and then gently pulled the earth pony’s chin up until they were staring into each other’s eyes.

“Trust me, Applejack. She won’t mind.”

“If you say so, Rarity…” Applejack turned to the quivering lump that was Rainbow Dash, only to find that Pinkie had started without her. Aside from a contented smile and the occasional quiver or gasp of pleasure, Dash remained as immobile as ever.

Rarity pretended to fan herself. “All this quivering has gotten me horny. Twilight, care to join me downstairs?”

As Rarity and Twilight went downstairs, Luna crept out of a nearby room. Her body was quivering, and her breathing was heavy.

“Uhm, Rarity?”

“Oh, Luna, I was wondering where you went off to. Can I help you with something?”

“Oh, uhm, I was just wondering, if it’s alright, when you and Twilight were going to be…finished.”

“Well, hard to say, darling. Why do you ask?” Rarity smirked.

“It’s just, I haven’t really been able to spend any time with her and—”

Rarity rubbed up against Luna’s thigh, eliciting a gasp and causing her legs to quiver. “But, Luna, if you’re with Twilight, then who will be left for me?”

“We could, uhm, all do it…together…”

Rarity brushed Luna’s neck. The princess quivered slightly, the aftermath of her clopping still buzzing through her body.

“Don’t worry, Princess. You’ll get your turn. Eventually.” Rarity walked away, beckoning Twilight to follow her.

Luna bit her lip. Her body felt uncomfortably warm. It had been that way all day. It was unbearable. An eon of virginity had done nothing for her self-control, and watching Twilight’s hips sway away from her was agonizing. She would’ve said anything, promised anything, done anything to have more time with her. So she did.

“Celestia.”

Rarity’s ear flicked. After a pause she turned around.

“You could be with Celestia. Between Cadance, you, and I we could easily teleport into Canterlot despite the wards on it. We’d have plenty of time to…convince my sister before the guards arrived. I haven’t seen her spend time to herself since my return. We’d be doing her a favor.”

Rarity smiled. “Luna, dear, I think you may be on to something.”

“Another locked door!” Scootaloo slumped onto the ground. “How are we supposed to get our interviewer cutie marks if none of the adults will talk to us?”

Apple Bloom scratched her head. “Well, mebbe we could start with the other foals?”

“Ever since Miss Cheerilee started her vacation and school was cancelled they all ignore us,” Sweetie Belle said.

“Yeah, I know, I saw them in the park too.” Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. Suddenly she saw a particular purple dragon sitting on a bench eating cookies. “Aha, that’s it! We can interview Spike!”

The other two perked up and all three of them ran over to him.

“Hi, Spike!”

“Oh, hi guys.” He popped a cookie into his mouth.

“What’re you doin’?”

“Oh, every single adult in the entire town is busy filling out their taxes, so Twilight threw me out of the library.”

“Taxes? How do you know?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Well, I asked Twilight why everypony was so busy, and she just said ‘adult stuff.’” Spike popped another cookie into his mouth. “Then when I asked her if I could help, she said ‘Ew, no, that’s just disgusting.’” Spike shrugged. “What else could it be?”

Apple Bloom rubbed her chin. “Hmm, that would explain it. Applejack and Big Mac always get really busy around tax season. And neither of them have been around the farm lately. Maybe they’re meetin’ the lawyer or whatever?”

“Yeah, and Rainbow Dash hasn’t been around either.”

“Or Rarity.”

Spike shoved yet another cookie into his mouth. “Yep, I’m telling you, it’s taxes. Normally they’re in April, but I bet they moved it and that’s why everypony is so busy.”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders all nodded in unison. “And that would explain why everypony is ignoring their kids, too,” Scootaloo added.

“Told ya.”

“Alright, alright, mystery solved.” Apple Bloom pulled the pencil off her ear. “Now, Spike, wanna do us a favor?”

In a bright flash of multicolored light the Elements of Harmony, Chrysalis, Luna, and Cadance all materialized in the royal throne room.

Celestia sat on her throne, a newspaper floating in front of her and a teacup floating by her side. Despite the pressure shift and loud POP, she did not look up.

“Why, hello, my little ponies. I was wondering when you would show up.” Celestia took a sip of her tea, but otherwise did not move.

“Uhm, hello, sister. We were just—”

Celestia held up a hoof. “As much as I would adore watching all of you try and fail to explain your presence, I have some rare free time after rewriting Equestria’s tax code.” She finally bothered to look up. “So why don’t we just cut to the part where you attempt to seduce me?”

Rarity stepped forward. “Straight to the point, Princess, I like that. May I ask how you knew?”

“There are many ways to monitor ponies, Rarity.” Celestia took another sip of tea and continued reading her paper. “Magical and otherwise.”

“Well, since you’re in such a hurry, why not just surrender and be done with it?” Rarity asked.

Celestia laughed. Not her usual, diplomatic laugh: an actual, unrestrained one. It managed to be lyrical, musical, charming, and condescending all at once. Rarity was torn between being disarmed and insulted.

“I was about to say the same thing to you.” Celestia perused her paper, traces of a smirk still visible on her mouth.

“Oh, come now, Princess. Chrysalis defeated you with just the love of one pony. Rarity waved a hoof at her entourage. “I’ve been draining the love of all of Ponyville for weeks. Do you really think that anypony has the ability to arrest me at this point?”

Another sip. “Lust is nowhere near as potent as love. You are welcome to learn that for yourself, of course.”

Rarity narrowed her eyes. It was impossible to read the Princess, but surely it had to be a bluff. Rarity had hoped not to overdo the violence; it was so much more fun to make love instead of war. She planted her hooves and started to funnel magic into her horn.

A sudden yellow spark burst near her flank, pushing it with a surprising amount of force. The pressure spun her around and she found herself looking at her friends rather than the Princess.

“Oh, very cute trick, Princess.” Rarity spun back to find Celestia still reading and sipping as if nothing had happened.

Rarity summoned a bubble of energy around herself, and then planted her hooves again. After a few seconds of grunting she fired a brilliant blue laser at the Princess.

A golden pyramid made of pure magic materialized in front of Celestia, and the laser hit it dead-on, splitting into multiple fragmented bolts and smacking into many pieces of wall and furniture, but not the Princess.

Rarity frowned. “Well,” she turned to her friends, “don’t just stand there!”

Even as the sentence left her mouth, a bright bubble of magic surrounded every pony but Rarity. The color was immediately recognizable.

Rarity turned back around to find Shining Armor walk out from behind a pillar, his horn glowing brightly, and a thick metal apparatus secured around his waist.

“Why, Shining, how nice to see you! New fashion statement?”

“Chastity belt,” he said coldly.

“Eww, even I’m not turned on by that! …Well, maybe a little…”

“Well, after the Princess told me about how you raped an entire town, I figured I should take some precautions.”

“It’s not rape if you wanted it!” Rarity smiled.

“That’s how a lot of psychopaths justify themselves,” Shining spat.

“Now, Captain, no need to be so harsh to our guest.” Celestia finally folded her paper and turned to Rarity. “It just so happens I’m in a good mood, and I could use a minor distraction. So how about we play a little game?”

Rarity raised an eyebrow.

“I haven’t had anyone to play this one with in quite some time. Or at least, no worthy opponents. If you win, I’ll forgive your numerous, repeated, perverse crimes.” Celestia smiled. “But if I win, you have to submit to whatever punishment I feel appropriate, without resisting arrest.”

Rarity glanced at the bubble that contained her friends, all of whom shook their heads.

“And, uhm, what exactly is the nature of this game?”

Celestia stood up to her full height and strolled forward. “I think you’ll like it a lot. I used to play it quite often, but I got too good at it.” Celestia was a few feet from Rarity now. She leaned her head down slightly. “It’s called Tie Goes to the Cummer. We each get ten minutes to make the other orgasm, and whoever does so fewer times wins. If there's a tie, then you play another round with a longer time limit. Sound fun?”

“Why, Princess, I never imagined all those rumors about your sexual side were true!” Rarity smiled coyly. “I thought all those tales of ‘Princess Molestia’ were merely idle gossip.”

Celestia stood back up. “Then it shouldn’t be too hard to beat me, should it?”

Rarity stared at the princess. Her expression remained unreadable. It was clear, however, that a physical confrontation wasn’t going to work. Rarity glanced back at her trapped comrades, who once again shook their heads.

Rarity bit her lower lip. “Alright, deal.”

Celestia smiled. Like her laugh, it was nowhere near as diplomatic or restrained as her usual, unedited smiles. It was insulting, threatening, and condescending, though it still managed to be slightly coy and beautiful. “Very well then; Rarity, Element of Generosity, you may have the first turn.”

Author's Notes:

Fun fact; Tie Goes to the Cummer used to be Equestria's national sport. Times change, naturally. No one remembers the origin of the sport or it's title, and the general public doesn't even know it exists.

I couldn't find places to overuse "ravish," "whimper," "swollen," or a lot of other cliche porn vocabulary, but I may yet. The prospect makes me quiver. At least I covered lip biting and pistoning in previous chapters. And I flatly refuse to use "sex" to refer to genitals--parody or not, that is one of the stupidest possible uses of language. Sex refers to an act or gender, not equipment.

Up next: the climactic cum-frontation!

See what I did there? I'm so funny.