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I was but a colt of eight years when King Sauron and his nine Nazgûl first arrived in Equestria from lands unknown to us. Me and my parents were right there in the crowd when he first announced himself in Ponyville, declaring himself our new supreme overlord and God-King. He made quite the impression on me back then, with his towering height, taller than even Princess Celestia, not to mention his totally freaky-deaky looking armor.

While my young mind was preoccupied thinking of how badass he looked, my parents and the other adults were instead in awe of what this strange being began to offer them. He offered a peacful takeover, job-security and that we would all be fed. The latter part was espescially tempting to me and my family, conscidering we barely had any bits to buy even a single loaf of maggoty bread back then. All our money went to repairing our house that had the oddest tendency to be destroyed every other week, either because of a monster attack, an out-of-hand friendship problem, or Pinkie Pie (sometimes an odd mix of all three).

Later on that very same day he arrived, Sauron was crowned as the undisputed king and overlord of Equestria in the Ponyville café known as Sugarcube Corner after getting the princess of Friendship herself, Twilight Sparkle, to abdicate all of her authority to him without any issue. It was celebrated for a whole week and Sauron cried tears of joy all throughout (at least that what the ponies that were there thought he did).

What followed since then have been years upon years of unmatched peace and prosperity all throughout Equestria. After a reign filled with periods of almost criminal levels of neglect regarding infrastructure, economy and agriculture by princesses Celestia and Luna, King Sauron's very active and industrial approach lead to never before seen levels of stability throughout the kingdom.

In contrast to the other princesses, who were passive at best and nearly criminally neglectful at worst, Sauron took a direct approach that quickly served to endear him to all the ponies of Equestria and even the peoples beyond our borders later on in his reign.

King Sauron has also gained a fair bit of fame for his many actions in regards to preventing natural disasters, disease, rebellions and terrorism. Yes, the two-legged lord of Mordor (or "Maia" as he have been recorded to call his species on several occasions) have stopped more threats to the realm than I can count, and each of his actions has only served to endear his subjects to him further.

However, now that I am no longer an innocent little colt, but an experienced and learned stallion of 84 years, I have been able to ponder certain things about King Sauron, such as his true motivations and ideals. Though he has proven again and again to be a just and merciful ruler, the lord of Mordor has also displayed several strange and, dare I say it, nefarious tendencies in between his moments of piety.

It is in my belief that our king, Sauron the Kind, the Merciful, the Beloved, the Pure, the Puppyface, the Cool Dude, the Beautiful Bastard, the Bradinator, the Goodest of Bois, is, in fact, EVIL!

Now, I am well aware that accusing our good-king Sauron of such a terrible thing is blasphemy on the highest level. After all, how could such a kind and gentle king who has done so much good to our world be anything but benevolent, right? Well, in my old age and and moments of clarity, I believe I have discovered enough of our king's true and evil nature, which I now mean to document for the future generations of equestrians.

I've taken to ask around and interview those ponies who were close to King Sauron. Well, as close as anypony could be to the reclusive king as he prefered to spend his sparetime alone in his revolving chair, stroking his cat Mittens while laughing maniacally (either that or sobbing his brains out).

My main sources include, but are not limited to, the Nine Nazgûl, the Elements of Harmony, a suprisingly knowledgeable merchant of cabbage, as well as the strange being who quickly and surprisingly enough rose to become one of King Sauron's closest (yet hated) advisors; Gandalf the Grey.

Ultimatley, it is my belief that history will be far kinder to Sauron than he rightfully deserves if half of what I've learned is true. But no one can deny just how prosperous his descisions and actions were for Equestria, even if Sauron himself didn't mean for it to be so. Though King Sauron may indeed by evil and foul to his core, his utter incompetence in the art of devilish maliciousness have proven to be one of Equestria's greatest boons.

Therefore, the following text, though written in a manner that one might think it as fictional as any good Daring Do-book, is in actuality quite real and based on the writings of various court-scribes and multiple enlightening interviews, as well as many personal tidbits from Gandalf that further helped me predict and describe King Sauron's mindset. Each and every moment detailed here have taken place at various point of equestrian history.

It was the Element of Laughter Pinkie Pie's idea to write it in this more theatrical manner, claiming this historical account needed, and I quote; "More oomph!". Though I must admit, much as it was an entertaining project, the final product has proven to be quite an amusing read, without desecrating its historical accuracy and signifigance.

It is this boring old stallion's hope that you, whomever may read this in whatever time, will find this dramatic retelling of one of the oddest periods of equestrian history to be equal parts enlightening and hilarious, as have the many ponies who lived through the events themselves.

Long live King Sauron,
Professor Dusty Tomes

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