Adapting a classic novel into cinematic form is always a little tricky, especially when the book's weight has seen six nations require registering the hardcover as a lethal weapon. The two-hour version reached the screen a week ago, and early returns are less than encouraging. The studio stands to lose a lot of money, and those involved in the production would prefer it if their careers didn't end today. But as it turns out, somepony who's intimately familiar with every last paragraph of the megalith knows how to fix everything!

Surely an alicorn has to know what she's talking about, right?

...right?

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