Calamitous Adventures
by -Pinkamena_Pie-
First published
The story of Mena and her adventures in Terraria.
Stuck in a new universe, nothing to guide my way. Is it really a surprise anymore?
This is a direct side story of Terraria: Friendship is Magic by Pomp-neigh. Go ahead and give them some likes for their awesome work!
It also should be noted that this is more of a response story to the above read, so please don't judge it too harshly. We gotta have fun somehow. 
Yharim
Motherbucking greedy dungstain! The amount of hate currently going through me for this BASTARD Yharim is unbelievable. He thinks he can just bucking waltz in and threaten my sister without repercussions?!?!? Gah, it gets my tail all twisted!
Gotta breathe, stay calm... That's how they use you... I ain't becoming some mind-slave to this bastard.
Look... I wasn't really planning to come back, now that everything got all nice and solved. I was happy for a little while. Until that raspberry guy or whatever its' name was destroyed Celestia and we got sucked into the hellhole that everycreature here calls Terraria.
You guys are probably confused. I ain't gonna explain the whole thing to you, so go read the story that caused this. It's linked in the description. Probably. I dunno.
Phew... So. What I will explain is what caused me to get so freaking mad. See, after the whole raspberry or whatever the guy's called incident, Me and my sis got launched into this place called Terraria. It'd be a great place if it weren't for all the things trying to kill my sis and the amount of times that Dashie screwed up. Yes, I am specifically calling that Pegasus out. She was stupid.
ANYWAYS, we ended up getting a mission thanks to this. Some dryad gal told us that to make sure the threat was gone, and to get back home at all, we needed some kinda Terra Blade. It's supposed to be a legendary sword or whatever that some kinda hero used back in the early times of this place, I dunno, I was a bit too busy dealing with trying to get used to the place and all to care.
So, off we went. To a jungle, firstly. We were trying to get something called the Blade of Grass. Apparently it can only be found in the jungle, because why not make it harder on us, ugh... So we got there, and lo and behold, we had to go UNDERGROUND.
Lemme just say, not impressed. That place was like one big hive of hornets, and those buggers were huge. I mean, our size huge. And they shot poisonous stingers. Like, seriously, those are supposed to be BUGS. Why are their stingers the size of my leg?!
And that wasn't even the worst part! There were mobile Venus Fly Trap things, slimes that shot stingers, bees that shot stingers, hell, there were even turtles the size of us! And guess what? The whole damn place was governed by a bee the size of a house! With a sick obsession with the sword we needed!
Okay, okay... Getting a bit off-topic.
Alright, so the sword Miss Giant Bee was guarding was the one we needed. It didn't look like much. So, we had the help of a fairly smart hornet that I still mentally call Gary. Because why not.
Gary wasn't really happy with what Miss Bee was doing. Apparently something about being so obsessed with the sword that she didn't even care about her own bees and hornets? Either way, he wanted to get the sword outta there. So we got the sword outta there. After an army of bees and hornets and Miss Bee herself proceeded to try and murder us, thanks for your patronage.
So Gary is now the new Miss Bee, and I'm hating everything about the place already. Until we learn that Rares got herself tossed in a dungeon by a big-ass skeleton! Of COURSE she plays Damsel in Distress...
So off we go to try and rescue her from Steven's little Skeleboy friend. And we get to go deep into the coldest place I have ever bucking been to. A literal Snow Biome... Which, by the way, I am fairly certain was near a desert. How ironic can you get, right?
So, down into the pits we go, until we find some kinda girl. My sister's friends are all like 'are you okay, do you need help', yadayadayada. And because of our kindness, what do we get? This bitch grabs us and kidnaps us into her lair! What a surprise - SHE WAS EVIL. Just like every other damn thing here.
So, there she went, planning to eat us for dinner. So Flutter's new werefox marefriend has to barge in and try to save us. Well, she managed, thank Celestia, and me and AJ got outta our chains, and oh mare were we pissed. The bitch got bucked twelve ways to Sunday going against all of us. I personally got some exercise stabbing the bitch repeatedly. She was pretty fast, not gonna lie, but eventually we killed her, and our reward? Some kind of metal detector thingy and an Ice Mirror. Heh, Imagine that metal detector makes a Cellphone at some point? Heh, that'd be priceless.
So, we got back to the dungeon, gave Skelly-boy's host the mirror, he gave it to Rarest and she got out. Promised we'd free him too, and we left. I hurried it up, cause I'm pretty sure a version of my sis was in the dungeon, and I didn't want to deal with it right then and there.
Anyways, we get back and go off to this mass of literal flesh called the Crimson. And there, we got attacked by a mutant Eye thing. We slaughtered that, and off me, AJ, Dashie, and Twi go to get the next sword, the Blood Butcherer. What happened next... well, my sis isn't here with me anymore since Yharim separated us, do I can tell you about it... Just never tell my sis it was me, will you? She'd hate me if she knew what a monster I was back in the GrimDark.
So we got captured by this gigantic brain, and it put us in the worst nightmares it could find. My sister got to see me murder and torture Dashie... I... I don't think she'll recover from that...
We managed to escape and fought the Cerebral bastard. Eventually, the thing fled and joined forces with some kinda worm thing. They combined and we had to fight the new horribly mutated version of them. 'Perfect Mind and Perfect Body' as they said. We ended up slaughtering it too.
So we got the Blade and went back home. My sis... wasn't feeling very good mentally. I tried to comfort her, but she was really down in the dumps about what she saw back with Cerebral Man. And then the bastard that I have made it my goal to slaughter into bloody bite-sized chunks and eat showed up.
My sis knew something was up the second she saw him. She could feel how evil he was. And it didn't help when he just had to bucking remind her of what she saw. So I came out to defend her... And what he told me still chilled me.
He knows. About everything. I don't know how, I don't know why, but everything that we've gone through with all of you? He quoted it. The SCP foundation, the GrimDark... I never told a damn soul, but he knew somehow. And then he told me what he wanted.
He wants to use me. Make me his bucking mind-slave, as if I'm nothing. He threatened to kill my sister if I didn't comply! So yes, I bucking had to agree to it! I'm not going to let him start hurting my sister. I won't let any motherbuckers hurt her!
I had to swallow my rage when he said I was his puppet. So now I'm in the portal. He left me here alone for a while. That's why I could get in touch with all of you.
Look, I'm not gonna hurt anypony innocent willingly. I'm not gonna let him twist me into darkness. I saw the bitch that he calls his Supreme Witch. She's had to do it the same way, and she's been twisted into enjoying it. I won't let him change me.
I'll play along with his game for now. I have to, to ensure my sister's safety. But one of these days...
I'll be slipping a knife into his spinal column. And he WILL meet his end.
I got to go. He's coming back. I'll stay in touch.
Robots?!?!
Okay, seriously, a mind reading bitch and five different types of mechanical things? That Yharim motherbucker has GOT to be compensating for something.
Either way, even for me, those bucking things are terrifying. There's some kind of giant worm thing, what looks like metal versions of that big eye we fought, and something that looks like Skelly-boy went at it with the cyborg slave Yharim pulled out of his plot.
Even worse: He's got four people worshipping the ground that the bucker walks on. It makes me sick knowing that these dungstains are the ones that have the balls to threaten my sister.
Oh, I managed to get on that witch bitch's nerves though. Looks like she hates being called a slave, heheh... I'm gonna hold onto to that one for later.
On a side note, witchy might be my first target to slice into bits. She gets angry easily... Could use that to my advantage. Thank Celestia that Light Goddess left some protection on my mind. She can't get all the way in, else I really would be bucked.
Still have to wonder... Why does Yharim think I'm trustworthy anyways? Seems kinda suspicious that I get to see those mech things. Woulda thought they wouldn't give me free range that much... Hey, maybe I can make those mechs turn on Draedon, heheh. That would be a sight to behold.
I'm worried, though. The amount of stuff I've seen here is just kinda... shocking. They're experimenting on everything and everycreature... here...
Uh oh. I hope I'm wrong, but maybe they plan on doing something to me like with the rest of their bitches. I need to make sure I'm prepared for everything. Haven't tried summoning my special knife yet. Should try soon.
I need to keep a low profile. Now that I know for sure they can read my mind, I need to act cooperative.
I'm doing this for you, sis... I'll do anything I have to to help you...
I wonder... Do you miss me?
This is NOT how I thought it would go.
I will tear Yharim into a thousand pieces with my bare hooves. I should have known he was planning something the entire time...
He wants me to become the host for Skelly-boy and attack the place where my sister is. Power is great and all, but I kinda wanted to grind Skelly into bone dust, not trap him in my own body!
I have to start making contingency plans, looking at the pros and cons. I know the Light Goddess won't allow him to take over completely. At most he'll be a tulpa in a tulpa, so to speak. Downgraded to a mental construct. However, that means I will technically be the one to replace him, and I don't know if my sis can bring herself to attack me...
Knowing how prepared they are, Skelly-boy's power is probably too much for their current state... I need to figure out how to try and contact them to warn them, Yharim be damned.
I also need to get back my sister's life force. That bastard went too far with that. I HATE being a slave to some buckface hotshot! I've never felt this powerless.
Bide my time, wait for him to lower his guard. Practice mental blocks. Need to train, too, get my knife leg warmed up.
I know it looks bad, guys, but I swear, it's only for a bit. If I have to attack Hometown, I need to make sure that I'm near my sis so that if the undead bitches attack her, I can just slice them up. I won't let her, myself, or all of you down.
I don't know what else he's planning. I swear, he better not be planning on making me into a bucking boss storage... Knowing him, though, he's not gonna be satisfied even with Skelly-boy being in me.
I'm sorry, my mind keeps going back to that life essence... If he just crushes it, she could die... Can't let that happen...
I need to go get ready for Skelly-boy being forced in me... I'll report back later.
See if you can do anything in the mean time... Anything helps.
An Unfortubone Incident
I can't believe that motherbucker actually did it. I really am just a tool to him, huh. Skelly-boy isn't too happy about it either, to be honest.
That nickname annoys me, pony. The only reason I am currently speaking to you whatsoever is because we share a common enemy.
Yeah, yeah, big talk for someone who's just as much of a slave as me right now. Look, we've gotta figure something out here. Since I warned that Candy gal, you're going to have the entire town attacking you, not just my sis and our friends.
You dare doubt my power? I will destroy that town and burn it all to ashes!
Touch my sister and not even all the undead of the world will save you.
Now. As I was saying. You need a way to survive, we both want Yharim to die. So. I'm not gonna release you fully. Just enough to make it look like you're released, mortal body, that sort of thing. It should be so close to being entirely free that Yharim won't realize it. You're gonna go through the agony that involves getting butchered, and then you'll die... Or so Yharim will think. After all, he didn't make it clear what I should do with you.
And why do you think such a being like myself will do as you say?
Because either way, you're getting butchered. It's just one way, you die for good, and another... You survive to get your vengeance on Yharim. Kapiche?
Hmph. Very well, little pony. We shall see if your friends can defeat me.
Great. Now get comfortable, it's gonna be a while. Unless I get another one of you bosses shoved into me, then it's gonna get cramped, but whatever.
Don't worry, guys. I've got this, I think. It's just like a chess game, except I'm both the grandmaster and the piece at the same time. I just have to outplay someone who's been playing the game for years longer than me, knows all my weaknesses, and can crush my sister in a single move.
...On second thought, that didn't come out as well as I would've liked it.
What are you even talking to, pony? You look unfathomably stupid.
...Some friends, Skelly. Nothing else. Oh, hey, Bonesy. Who's a good boy, hm? Who's a good dungeon guardian? Mhm, you are. Yes, you are!
Sorry. That was Bonesy. A dungeon guardian I kinda made and decided to keep as a pet. Doesn't seem like Yharim is complaining, so might as well have my own personal guard skull. Not like I'm gonna protect the dungeon with it.
Anyways. I have to get prepared. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow.
A Grim Destiny
Well, that's all I can do. Hopefully Candy can get the message through. She's what my hopes are riding on. Now I'm stuck down here getting Skelly-Boys' second, third, and fourth cousins together.
I will have you know that none of the entities contained within this dungeon are related to me.
I know, Einstein.
Bonesy is spinning around in here someplace. I can hear his roars of happiness. I guess even massive spinning one-shot skulls need to stretch every so often. Hm... While I'm here, I should grab the Muramasa. I'll find a way to give it to my sis later.
Ugh, why are there so many of these Bone Lee guys? I don't get this place. What, is that some poor remake of the Karate Filly? Heh...
I feel like I've lost my ability to laugh. Pinkie would hug me and tell me to cheer up if she were here... wouldn't she...
You are going to be thankful for an inability to express emotion soon, pony. Trust me, it won't get easier for you. Whoever is attempting to control us... Yharim, was it? He cannot be defeated by merely getting the Terra Blade.
What's your suggestion, smart-ass?
Please, do lower the hostility. Simply because I am going to be attacking them does not mean I desire this any more than you do... Having emotions is quite drab.
Look, Skeletron. I thought you wanted this?
Perhaps once, when I was still using Steven as a host. But much like you, I dislike our captor for being more powerful than us. Perhaps I should get get attention of a ghostly ally of mine...
And who would that be?
Polterghast.
The Battle
"Go! Feast upon them all!"
Words that I never meant less. Calamitas really bucked up my plans. I just pray that those adventurers are enough to take down Skelly's fragment.
We made the deal before Calamitas showed up to 'Even the playing field' as she called it. Blew the wall down and took out a good portion of the slimy army. Not good, cause they have to contest with the dungeon undead too.
I think my message got through to them, though. I see a couple more adventurers. A Pegasus who is obviously hitting on Glim-Glam, a bird thing and a Terrarian. Looks like they have the adventurers from the Crimson too.
I don't know how to stop my sis from getting hurt. It looks like she's doing okay for now, but that might change. Note to self: Kill the witch bitch before Yharim.
I'm fairly certain Yharim knows what I did. But hey: He can't get mad at me. I'm attacking like he wants. Bonesy is keeping me company. If anycreature tries to hurt me, I'm probably gonna have to get Bonesy to take them out. Despite being smaller, he still has the power of the original, after all.
Guess I should get that mind-link ready for Skelly-boy. I'll keep you updated.