The Princess's Library
by MetalandPonyFan2578
First published
10 ponies, one winner, 250,000 bits, and one heck of a ticked off Twilight.
Ten ponies are competing for one prize: 250,000 bits and the job of head mare or stallion of a brand new, yet already prestigious magic school in Manehattan. How is it prestigious? Well, it belongs to the greatest master mage in the land: Twilight Sparkle! Now, they'll have to impress her and endure her grueling tests to get their hooves on it. Alliances, drama, exploding hedgehogs! (Okay, nix the exploding hedgehogs, but the rest is still there!) It's all here on...The Princess's Library, Mondays only on FIM Fiction.
(Seriously, though. This is a parody of Gordon Ramsay and Hell's Kitchen, so it's gonna be written like the show. It will be updated every Monday. Enjoy!)
Episode 1
Twilight breathed in deep as she prepared to go on camera. It was a somewhat difficult moment for her. She wasn’t used to being publicly displayed so much, despite being The Princess of Friendship. But, ever since being named successor to Celestia and Luna, she’d had to deal with the constant stream of the press. This particular moment was somewhat different, however, as it had nothing to do with the journalistic ambitions of those ponies. This was her very own reality television show, and she wanted to make a good first impression. But it wasn’t just any reality show. It would help her decide the brand new head mare or stallion of her latest magic school in Manehattan. She’d have to transform from the kind Princess of Friendship into the somewhat dictatorial master mage that she was. So, she mentally rid herself of any kind of want for attachment.
“Princess?” Her assistant, Astral Streak asked, slowly entering the room.
“Yes?”
“They’re here.”
“Good. Have them start their first challenge. I’ll be down shortly.”
“Yes, Mage.”
Astral headed downstairs to where ten ponies waited with baited breath. Their hindquarters shook in anticipation and he had to stifle a smile. For, after all, in The Princess’s Library, there was no room for levity. Each pony had a job to do, and he was no different. True, he was one of the Princess’s secondary commanders, but even he fell under her orders. He just needed to bark them out and whip these newcomers into shape. Upon arriving on the ground floor, he joined forces with his mare co-sous mage and best friend, Comet Tail. The two had feelings for each other, but now was not the time for romance. They each took up a stern look, nodded at each other, and faced the competitors.
“Welcome to The Princess’s Library,” Astral said in a welcoming, yet somewhat threatening tone, “over the course of the next 10 weeks, you will be tested in all areas relating to magic. Spells, incantations, magical potions, you name it, you’ll be tested.”
“Each of you holds an equal playing ground,” Comet said in the same way, “Mage Twilight plays no favorites. At the end of this, only one of you will be left standing and take home the prize. Our Mage will explain that in greater detail in a little while.”
“But for now, you need to get started and create your signature spells. You have forty-five minutes before Mage Twilight gets here.”
Nopony moved. They all just stood there gawking at him. He was shocked. Could these ponies not take the simple cue that they needed to move their flanks? Seeing that the answer to his question was obviously affirmative, he decided to do something about it. So, he trotted over to a bell and began ringing it furiously while screaming at them. This got their rumps in gear, and they galloped off into the library’s brewery to begin whipping up their spells. The smile that Astral had been keeping in finally made its way to his face. Conveniently, it was right as Comet approached him.
“I haven’t seen you smile like that since the night I told you I loved you,” she said.
“Well, I like seeing young ponies with such a passion for magic. It makes me feel that the future of our craft in Equestria is secure.”
“Passion is one thing,” Comet quipped, “skill is another.”
Astral nodded and the two trotted into the brewery to make sure everyone was working. Much to their relief, the competitors were busily humming away, creating something that they were sure would impress Mage Twilight. What they didn’t know, and what most ponies don’t know, is that when it comes to magic, Twilight is extremely strict. Make one false move, and you’re history. Twilight didn’t play around and she knew talent when she saw it. She also knew arrogance, falsity, and disharmony among teammates. She would tolerate none of these things. If someone was struggling and dragging a team down, they would be gone. If someone was haughty and playing for their own ego, they’d be gone. She was concerned with the success of her library. For, after all, her reputation as a master mage was on the line.
Within the brewery, the ponies continued to work. One of them, Starshine Manebright, had concocted something that was certain to please. In fact, she’d copied it direct from Mage Twilight herself! Another pony, Zesty Shifts, was interested in combining magic with cooking. He’d already made something of a name for himself as a chef in his hometown of Sire’s Hollow. Even better, he’d been recommended for the competition by Starlight Glimmer, Twilight’s friend. Now, he just needed to work on pleasing the mage. Yet a third pony, Fire Streak, was hotly pounding away at his own spell. It was coming together nicely, and he was very pleased with himself. But, then again, he was nothing but pleased with himself. He was so arrogant and vicious that, when it came to light that he’d been accepted into the competition, his hometown threw him a massive farewell party. He saw it as high praise. They saw it as getting rid of a nuisance.
“Alright, you’ve got twenty minutes to go!” Astral yelled as he suddenly spied one of the ponies putting their spell onto the table at the front. “Um…you, there! What’s your name?”
“Stone Throw, Mage,” the grey stallion responded.
“You know there are twenty minutes left, right?”
“Yeah, but…I think my spell’s good.”
“You also know that a spell can go horribly wrong if left unchecked for that length of time, right?”
Astral furrowed his brows a bit, showing Stone that he meant business. The contestant sheepishly took back the beaker containing his spell and tried to make it better. Astral could only shake his head. If this was the kind of talent that Twilight had chosen for her first library contest, they were in trouble. It was frustrating for him, as secondary mage, because he was supposed to keep these contestants in line. Without the proper know-how on their part, it would be damn near impossible. But, he remembered the pep talk Twilight gave he and Comet before they began, and he sealed his feelings away. Just in the nick of time, as well, for Twilight was coming down the stairs.
“…5…4…3…2…1…and stop!” Comet Tail called.
The ponies all placed their beakers on the table up front as Twilight entered the brewery for the first time. She trotted to the front and gave them all a look. It was somewhere between a stern mother and a horrifying, yet extremely wise teacher. This was their first test, and nopony wanted to fail her. After all, they’d read that the prize for winning this competition was absolutely outstanding. None of them wanted to miss out on it, and conquering every obstacle was crucial to their success.
“I’m Princess Twilight Sparkle, but for now, you may call me ‘Mage,’” Twilight said, “welcome to my library. Each of you has a chance to show off and impress, not only myself, but our guests as well. Every couple of days, we will open for magic demonstrations. Just like a restaurant, we’ll take orders and we’ll make orders. I will NOT tolerate failure during these times. If a spell or potion is made incorrectly, we’ll do the whole thing over again. Is that understood?”
“YES, MAGE!” The chorus sang out.
“Good,” Twilight said, “now, then. This library is not only filled with thousands of books for you to read at any time you aren’t working, but it’s also a competition. Those who rise to the top will stay. Those who fall to the bottom will be kicked out. I may be The Princess of Friendship, but in here, we’re all about business. Understood?”
“YES, MAGE!”
“Alright. Now, the prize for winning this extraordinary competition is amazing. The winner of The Princess’s Library will become the head mare or stallion at my brand new magic school in Manehattan! That comes with a salary and a cash prize of 250,000 bits out of my own personal treasury. BUT…I’m not just gonna give a job with such importance to somepony I don’t trust. So, show me your talent. Show me your enthusiasm for magic. But most importantly, show me that I can trust you with this position. Clear?!”
“YES, MAGE!”
“Excellent. Okay, each master mage in this country has a signature spell that they’re known for. I want to see yours. Let’s begin with…you! Orange mare in the back, please step forward!”
The mare did as she was told, though she quivered a bit when she got up to face Twilight herself. The mage was harshly strict, and it frightened her a bit. But, she stood her ground and gave Twilight the same look she gave her.
“What’s your name?” Twilight asked.
“Orange Peel,” the mare responded.
“…and what’s the spell?” Twilight asked.
“It can peel oranges without any kind of mechanical assistance!” Orange said proudly.
Twilight looked dumbfounded. “…show me.”
So, Orange turned and zapped a nearby orange in the food storage. It dropped its peel…and then just sat there. The unicorn seemed to be extremely proud of this spell, but Twilight was not. The mage was shocked that something so underwhelming had been produced from the amazing brewery she’d set up for them.
“Really? That’s it?” She asked.
“Yes,” Orange said, suddenly thinking that she might have gone wrong, “um…ta-da?”
“Oh, buck off with your ta-da,” Twilight said, “I’ll have none of that kind of foalish foolishness in my library! As for your spell, it was pathetic! Absolutely bucking pathetic! Orange peeling, really. My friend Rarity’s filly sister can do that. Come on, Orange. I expect more! Now, buck off back in line.”
Orange, near tears, trotted back to stand with the other contestants. She hadn’t realized just what a terrible attitude Twilight had. She always saw her as the kind, gentle princess. But in here, she was a stern mage and nopony needed to step out of line. She realized that her spell was underwhelming, and she promised herself that she’d do better. Her spot in the competition depended on it.
The next few ponies who went were just as underwhelming. Lock Jaw’s spell to fix a broken lock was lukewarmly received, and Spell Caster’s spell to remember every spell in a book exploded in his face. Rune Stone tried to overly complicate her spell with the use of too many runes, and Dark Cloud’s spell backfired when it zapped Twilight’s rump with lightning! Needless to say, the mage was quite angered by this poor start to the signature spells. So, she called the next pony forward, hoping and praying that this one might have some talent.
“What’s your name?”
“Fire Streak, Mage,” Fire said without hiding his haughtiness.
“Ah, yes, Fire Streak, the pony whose entire town recommended him for some reason,” Twilight said, “let’s see if that recommendation was warranted.”
Fire caused his horn to glow, and soon, controlled bits of flame shot from everywhere in the room! Twilight was astounded and very impressed by his talent. Nothing was out of place, and none of the fire came close to injuring anypony or burning anything. It was simply magical, and even his other competitors looked with slacked jaws. He soaked in their silent adulation, adding it to the pile of arrogance growing in his chest. Pleased with his performance, he stopped the spell and turned to face Twilight.
“Wow!” Twilight breathed, “that was bucking outstanding. Well done, Fire, well done!”
“Thank you, Mage,” Fire said, his arrogance spiking in his tone, “I always try and put my best hoof forward.”
“I’ll say you did that today,” Twilight said, “now, get back in line and let’s have…you, the brown mare, step forward.”
High Tower, a veteran of the Vanhoover magic scene, made her way up to stand in front of Twilight. She performed her spell, a wonderful little concoction that made flowers appear on all the tables and filled the room with an intoxicating aroma. Twilight breathed it in, loving the way it played with her nose. She also noted that High was a bit flirtatious with her performance, batting her eyes at some of the stallions in the room. Stifling a giggle at just how adorable she looked, Twilight told her that she’d done well and asked her to get back in line.
The final two ponies were called up together. Zesty and Starshine both prepared to do their spells. Zesty’s was a fine spell, whipping up an instantaneous feast that would feed twenty ponies! When she went to taste the food, Twilight was astounded at the amount of flavor. Considering the amount of time Zesty had been given, she thought he’d done the best out of all of them so far. She told him so, praising his effort and telling him that he was an early frontrunner. This did not sit well with Fire Streak, who stewed in the line. He thought his fire spell was a lot better than Zesty’s. After all, any foal could conjure up food, he said to himself.
Then, it was Starshine’s turn. The pretty golden mare shook as she prepared to demonstrate her work. But then she remembered that she’d simply copied it from one of Twilight’s books. Surely, Twilight would not be turned away by her own spell…right? Starshine, at a nod from the mage, shot her blast into the air. Twilight watched, and then blushed as the spell came together. She remembered creating the spell, which formed the term “I (heart) You” when she had a silly crush back in grade school. It came complete with rather wimpy little fireworks. The colt in question had been rather impressed as, for a filly of Twilight’s age, the spell was quite advanced. But now, it just looked sad. What made Twilight even angrier was the unoriginality involved.
“HOW BUCKING DARE YOU?!” She turned fiercely on Starshine, “YOU COPIED ME?! What in the HELL were you thinking?!”
“I…I just…I-“
“No, it doesn’t matter! I know exactly what ran through your tiny mind at that point!” Twilight roared, “you thought you’d one-up everyone else here, do a spell of mine, and get your rump sitting pretty on my throne of favor. Well, guess what, missy?! There IS NO THRONE OF FAVOR! All of you are expected to do your best, and this is not your best work! In fact, it isn’t even YOUR work! I will NOT accept plagiarized spells here! IS THAT BUCKING UNDERSTOOD?!”
“Y…Yes, mage,” Starshine said quietly as her spirit took a pounding.
“Good. I don’t want to EVER see this again. I’m very disappointed, Starshine. Now, piss off back in line.”
Starshine returned to her spot. Her heart was shattered. She’d idolized Twilight for so long, and she’d always wanted the chance to show her what she could do. But on this day, it seemed she’d made a grave mistake. It was one that could have possibly sent her home. She was thankful that Twilight had been somewhat merciful in that regard. But in everything else, her small show had been decimated. She learned the hard way that one survived on one’s own creativity with magic. Oh…what do I do now? She thought, I…I might have just blown this entire competition!
Episode 2
Previously, on The Princess’s Library: 10 ponies arrived in Canterlot to meet Princess Twilight Sparkle and her sous mages, Astral Streak and Comet Tail. They were told that the prize for working hard and doing well would be 250,000 bits and a head mare or stallion position at Twilight’s new magic school in Manehattan. During the signature spell challenge, Fire Streak and High Tower excelled. But Starshine Manebright, Orange Peel, and others failed to impress their mage, with Starshine being called out for plagiarizing one of Twilight’s own spells! Today, the ponies will be thrown into the heat of service for the first time, and tempers…will…flare! Who will be eliminated, and who will Mage Twilight toss a life preserver to? Find out, next!
And now, the continuation of The Princess’s Library…
After the signature spells had been completed, all ten ponies were shown to the dormitory. They found it to be a luscious, luxurious area full of comfortable beds and a well maintained living space. The kitchen was to die for, and the ponies snickered as Zesty Shifts acted the part of a rocket. He launched around the room, touching everything and beholding its vast magnificence for the first time. Nopony wanted to stop his fun, so they all took to unpacking and exploring their new home. However, it didn’t take long before some drama began to build underneath everything. Everypony had placed their belongings in the proper spot and had settled in to read Twilight’s spell menus in preparation for the upcoming service. Everything had to be done precisely, otherwise each concoction would have to be redone. Twilight’s tone of warning had spoken volumes to each pony.
“Honestly, these’ll be a snap,” Fire Streak said haughtily.
“What makes you so sure?” Rune Stone asked, furrowing her brows in confusion.
“Because I just am,” Fire said rudely, “and plus, with me on the team, we’re guaranteed to finish tomorrow’s service.”
“That’s a pretty damn bold statement,” Rune responded.
“It’s not bold at all, Rune,” Fire said, shaking his mane, “it’s a simple fact.”
The ponies all looked at each other as it appeared their first common enemy had made himself known. Fire’s earlier spell had impressed them all, but his attitude was terrible. If he were to win the competition, the poor students in Manehattan would have to deal with him on a daily basis. The thought frightened everypony, so they all made an internal vow to defeat Fire. They didn’t say anything, but allowed him to go on prattling about his perceived greatness, knowing that his time would come shortly. There was something of a subtle nod shared between the nine other ponies. They understood that Fire needed to go. Unfortunately, he had talent to back up his disgusting ego. If he didn’t calm himself, the team might suffer from it.
Later, after finishing their spell menu studying, the ponies readied themselves for a good night’s sleep. Simple acts such as showering, the brushing of one’s teeth, and certain book readings were being performed. The mares and stallions were segregated from one another, so as not to cause any kind of privacy invasion. So, it was odd when Fire Streak turned up on the mare’s side of the dorm. He was met by Rune Stone, who gave him a look of defiant determination. Ever since she was a little filly, she’d always held this sense of tenacity. She would not be pushed aside, by mare or stallion, and she enjoyed knocking the arrogant back a few pegs. This was a golden opportunity to do just that. So, she didn’t reprimand him for being on her side of the dorm. Rather, she stood against him, almost daring him to try anything.
“Ya know…you’re really pretty,” he said.
“Oh, bite me, you overgrown puff of wind,” she responded fiercely.
“Mm…that’s how I know a mare is into me,” he said sleazily, “and, I mean, really, who could blame them? Just look at me. Handsome, talented, jovial.”
“Jovial?” Rune asked, stifling a laugh, “that’s not exactly how I’d describe you.”
“Oh, I enjoy a good laugh, my dear Rune Stone,” he said, winding around her, grazing her flank with his hoof.
“Don’t touch me!” She said, smacking him away, “I’ll report you to Mage Astral and Comet, and then you’ll find your sorry rump out on the street!”
“I dare you to report me,” Fire said, “I just bucking dare you.”
Rustling and voices from behind Rune betrayed the presence of multiple ponies. Fire knew that he needed to make a quick escape, or risk getting caught. So, he leaned in and kissed Rune’s cheek, causing her to flare up in anger. Then, he galloped away without leaving a shred of evidence that he was there. Simple lies would be enough to cover his tracks, and he could continue in the competition. But he had his eyes set on Rune Stone. He didn’t find her to be talented with magic, but she was beautiful. Yes, he thought as he trotted back into his room, you’ll be mine. Just think, 250,000 bits, a position that’s pretty much set for life, and a gorgeous mare on my foreleg. Life will be…perfect.
Twilight stood at the head of the brewery, watching as all of the ponies prepared for the service that evening. She could sense some kind of tension between Rune Stone and Fire Streak, but she figured she could deal with that later. For now, she needed to make a great impression on the citizens of Canterlot. Her library was unique in the idea that magical demonstrations could be ordered like a restaurant. No other paradise of bibliophiles in Equestria did the same. True, it went against the code of libraries everywhere (mandatory quietude), but it was incredibly innovative. It took the thing that magic schools were famous for and introduced it into an entirely different setting. Now, Twilight just needed to prove that it would work.
“Mage Twilight,” Astral said, coming forward, “I believe we’re almost ready.”
“Tell me, Astral,” Twilight responded, turning to face her friend and sous mage, “how long have you worked with me?”
“Ever since we went to Princess Celestia’s school together, mage. But…why do you ask such a question?”
“Because I’m concerned, Astral,” Twilight said honestly, “I feel a tension in this brewery that I’ve never felt in any other. I don’t know what it is, but it seems centered around Rune Stone and Fire Streak.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Astral said, “Rune came to me earlier today and told me that Fire attempted to sexually demean her last night. When I confronted him about it, he claimed he knew nothing.”
“So, then…we have a mystery on our hooves,” Twilight said, “and I do enjoy a good mystery. Keep an eye on this Fire Streak character. If the other mares come forward with bad things to say, bring him to my office.”
“Yes, mage,” Astral said.
Twilight then turned and yelled across the brewery and the library. “THE PRINCESS’S LIBRARY…IS NOW OPEN!”
As ponies began filing in and taking their seats, the team attached themselves to their assigned stations. Since there were 10 ponies, there were five different sections, with two ponies working each one. The sections were as follows: fire spells, water spells, earth spells, wind spells, and potions. The four elemental sections were manned by ponies who could be proficient in those areas. Fire Streak headed up the fire spells with High Tower. Lock Jaw and Zesty Shifts were on water. The earth spells were handled by Orange Peel and Dark Cloud. The wind spells had Spell Caster and Starshine. Finally, potions were done by Stone Throw and Rune Stone.
“Right, then,” Twilight said as her team of waiters began bringing in orders, “listen up! On order, four ponies, table one! Two fire spells requested mid-flame, one earth spell requested to move rocks, and one potion requested to grow petunias! Four minutes to the window! Heard?!”
“YES, MAGE!” The team responded as they got to work.
“I’m two minutes out on those fire spells!” Fire Streak yelled as he mixed up his concoction.
“I can trot to the window in that time,” Orange yelled back from her earth station.
“Let’s go!” Twilight yelled, “I need those spells!”
Fire trotted up, his horn glowing with the spells he’d concocted. Once there, he transferred them over to Twilight’s horn for checking before they were sent out. Finding nothing wrong, she held the spells until Orange brought up the earth spell. She used it to zap a nearby test rock, and it floated the proper way. All that was needed to complete the order was the-
“POTION!” Twilight screamed.
“Coming to the window now, Mage!” Stone yelled as he brought up the jar.
Twilight used a dropper to drop it onto a nearby board. She expected flowers to grow…but instead, she got weeds. It was mildly annoying, but she had to remind herself that, compared to the ponies she knew, these were amateurs. She wanted everything to be perfect, but a small mistake here and there wouldn’t derail the whole brewery. So, she decided to keep her anger at the error inside and give the jar back to Stone.
“I requested petunias, not bucking ragweed!” Twilight snapped, “start the table again!”
The ponies weren’t happy at having to redo the table, but they did it without complaint. Fire and High had their perfect spell back to Twilight in no time, impressing the mage. Orange and Dark were just as solid on the earth spell. But, once again, the potion station held everything up. It was almost like somepony was purposely moving slowly. What Twilight didn’t realize was that Rune Stone was the cause of this. She knew that the only way to be rid of Fire Streak was to have him go up on the chopping block. So, she attempted to screw him by being purposely slow. Unfortunately for her, Fire was just too good, and she only ended up making herself and Stone Throw look bad.
“I NEED THE MOTHER BUCKING POTION!” Twilight screamed as the weight of the combined spells overtook her.
“Coming now, mage!” Stone yelled as he sat the potion down.
“Good,” Twilight said as she placed a test drop down and it grew the proper plant, “go, please. Table one!”
Service continued after this mix-up, with the team managing to get out four or five more tables of spells. But then, Twilight called out an order for six ponies, and all of them wanted something different. One wanted his fire spell to create a huge flame, while his marefriend wanted hers to make a small one. Their friends each requested water spells of different types, thus putting pressure on Lock and Zesty. It didn’t take long for Fire and High to get their spells up to the front. But Lock and Zesty were slaving away over the complicated order.
“I NEED THE WATER SPELLS, GUYS!” Twilight screeched.
“Coming to the window now, mage!” Lock called as he brought up all four complicated concoctions.
Twilight took them…and nearly drowned. She was amazed at just how badly the spells were put together. It was a shame as well, for Zesty Shifts had shown such prowess in the signature spells challenge. Lock Jaw’s key based spell may not have been as creative, but Twilight still considered him competent. Now, both of them had taken a giant step backwards, and it irked her.
“Are you bucking kidding me?!” She shouted, causing Lock to flinch, “is this seriously your best?!”
“No, mage!” Lock answered.
“Then take the whole bucking thing back and give me your best!”
Lock and Zesty began the work on the water spells again as orders continued to pour in to the brewery. None of the ponies ever thought it would be this difficult, and some of them found that they were sweating severely. Headaches quickly took their hold, and the team became disoriented very rapidly. Soon, their strong start to the night was merely a distant memory. Spell after spell was returned to them, with Twilight’s screams getting more and more intense. Lock and Zesty finally got their redone spells up to the pass and Twilight took them. But she nearly got flooded again.
“YOU TWO ARE BUCKING USELESS!” She roared with fire in her eyes, “GET OUT! GET THE BUCK OUT OF MY BREWERY!”
Lock and Zesty turned and removed themselves from service. It was very embarrassing for both, as they thought of their friends and loved ones who had recommended them for the competition. But, sadly, Twilight’s brewery, at least on that night, just didn’t seem like the place for them. Unfortunately, the two stallions began to blame each other for the failure, and tempers flared when they got back to the dorm. Each was determined to keep his place in Twilight’s library, and they both knew they could be up for elimination.
“YOU BUCKED UP SON OF A MULE!” Lock screamed, getting in Zesty’s face, “I HAD EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL!”
“Oh, really?! Because as the only pony here with restaurant experience and timing as a team, I can tell you that you truly bucked every spell we sent tonight! You bucked the water shape spell, the water loop spell, and every other Celestia damned spell that was put forth!”
“Oh, for buck’s sake, take some bucking responsibility!”
“Don’t you bucking talk to me about responsibility!”
While the two stallions…erm…settled their differences, back in the brewery, it was complete chaos. The fire station and wind station were performing well enough. The earth station had a few returns, but nothing too severe. However, the potion section continued to drag the entire kitchen down. With Rune being forced to jump on water to salvage the team, Stone found himself all alone. But Twilight showed no mercy, as the orders for potions kept flying in. He’d send them up…and then they’d come right back. His breathing was rapid and he felt like the world was spinning. The pressure of getting everything right was much too intense for him, and he wondered why he’d ever decided to come to The Princess’s Library.
“HEY, BOZO!” Twilight shrieked as she saw him daydreaming, “WAKE THE BUCK UP AND CONCENTRATE!”
“Yes, mage!”
“YOU’RE ABOUT AS CLOSE TO YOUR OWN HEAD STALLION’S POSITION AS I AM TO A BUCKING MVP AWARD IN BUCKBALL!”
“Yes, mage!”
“I NEED TABLE 37’S POTION, STONE THROW!”
“YES, MAGE!”
Finally, he brought it up. It was the simplest one in the brewery: a potion used to make a cute little red circle appear. In fact, it was so simple, it was featured on the foal’s menu. It would never win any awards, but the little ponies seemed to enjoy it. Being a great lover of foals, Twilight had put together the menu based on feedback she received from schools around the nation. The circle potion was one of the most popular. But when she tested Stone’s attempt…it drew a vicious looking timberwolf! Twilight wondered how in the world somepony could be so utterly inept.
So, she turned, looking like she was about to cry. “I…I…I mean, really?”
“I’m sorry, mage!” Stone said, seeing the timberwolf.
“THEY’RE COLTS AND FILLIES, YOU IDIOT!”
“Yes, mage!” Stone said.
“HEY! Don’t you touch another bucking thing. LISTEN UP, ALL OF YOU! HE SCREWS ME WITH HIS POTIONS! THE TWO IDIOTS I ALREADY BANISHED BUCKED ME WITH THE WATER SPELL! I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW MUCH HORSE BIT HAS GONE ON IN MY BREWERY TONIGHT! GET OUT! GET THE BUCK OUT AND COME UP WITH THREE NOMINEES FOR ELIMINATION! GET OUT OF MY BUCKING BREWERY!”
“Well, that was a disaster,” Starshine said as the team met to discuss nominees.
“Understatement of the day,” High Tower said.
“I’ve never been yelled at so much,” Orange said, quivering, “…and I thought she was The Princess of Friendship.”
“Not in here, she’s not,” Lock Jaw said, “in here, rage defines her.”
“You aren’t wrong, there,” Starshine said, “now, who do we send up?”
“I vote for Zesty!” Lock said, puffing and turning his back on the other stallion.
“I vote for Lock!” Zesty huffed, doing the same.
“We know you two are both going up,” Starshine said, “I mean, you were the first to get kicked out of the brewery! Now we just need to decide who else is going up.”
“High and I have to be safe,” Fire said, “we’re the only ones who gave a bit tonight.”
“What?!” Dark Cloud shouted, his nostrils flaring, “Orange and I gave multiple bits!”
“Okay, so you cared somewhat. Big bucking whoop. The fact is, High and I were the only ponies who had zero spells returned. If Twilight wouldn’t have kicked all of us out, we’d have finished the service no problem.”
“Are you forgetting that we’re a team?!” Rune exclaimed, “you got your rumps handed to you just as much as we did!”
“Alright, you two, that’s enough!” Starshine said, “we have our first two nominees. Now, we just need a third…”
The team strode back into the library to face Twilight. The mage had calmed down considerably from her earlier outburst, but still looked rather frightening. The lights were dim, speaking to the seriousness of the moment. These accents caused her to look like she was gracing the cover of some thriller or horror film. Everypony gulped, especially the three that knew they were getting nominated.
“That was a joke,” Twilight said, “and I won’t tolerate it anymore. Now, then, Starshine. First nominee, and why, please.”
“Mage, our first nominee is Lock Jaw. The water spells were our biggest downfall tonight, and he played an integral part in that.”
“Alright. Second?”
“Our second nominee tonight is Zesty Shifts. Again, with the water spells, we just didn’t have a chance to get anything out.”
“…and your final one?”
“Our final nominee…is……………Stone Throw, mage. He couldn’t control a station solo after you moved Rune over to water. If you can’t control one station, then how are you gonna control an entire school?”
“Worthy nominees,” Twilight said approvingly, “step forward, all three of you.”
The three came forward, determined to fight to the end. They would each be given the chance to tell Twilight why they deserved to remain in the library. Twilight would then make her decision, and take away the ring that rested on the contestant’s horn. They’d each been given one when entering the competition. If they got eliminated, it would be taken from them.
“Zesty Shifts,” Twilight said, “you showed such promise…but perhaps that was all a sham?”
“No, mage, it wasn’t,” Zesty said fiercely, “I am a very passionate magic user, and I love everything about both magic and cooking. I want to be here, mage, I want to please you. But most of all, I want to show Equestria that two loves can come together to create something amazing. If you let me stay, I’ll show you that I can do this. I can be your next head stallion!”
“If you stay,” Twilight said solemnly. “Now, then, Lock Jaw. Why do you deserve to stay?”
“Mage, I deserve to stay in your library because I have heart, passion, drive, and leadership skills. I would not have applied if I didn’t think I could do this!”
“Yeah, I get that,” Twilight said, “but does your magic taper off at simply unlocking doors?”
“No, mage, it doesn’t, and I’ll never give up until I prove that to you.”
“Big words,” Twilight said, “but words cannot save you. Finally, Stone Throw. You had one of the worst performances I’ve ever seen in any brewery, magic school or otherwise. Tell me why the buck you should stay.”
“Mage, I should stay because I know I’m the right fit for your school. Yes, tonight, I bucked up, but the entire thing was very overwhelming. I felt dizzy, I had a headache-“
“Yeah, well, so did I,” Twilight said, “and you bucking caused it.”
“Yes, mage.”
“Tough call,” Twilight said, “all three of you were horrendous. But tonight, the pony whose time in the library is overdue…is…………………………………Stone Throw. Please, give me your ring and leave.”
“Yes, mage,” Stone said.
Twilight’s heart of friendship softened when she saw the stallion remove his ring and look at it longingly. She knew she needed to be firm in this search, and she liked to believe that every magic user had a talent. Stone’s obviously lay elsewhere. Still, though, it was tough to watch a dream die, and she couldn’t help but feel for the sad pony. He gave her his ring and trotted through the door, never to be seen again. After this, Twilight turned and faced everypony.
“Listen up!” She exclaimed, “if you think that headaches and dizziness are the toughest thing you’ll face here, think again. Now, go upstairs and get a good night’s sleep…you’ll need it.”
“Yes, mage,” the team responded.
“Now, buck off!”
As the team left to head back upstairs, Twilight turned and trotted up to her office. Along the way, a camera pulled by a trolley followed her. This was her chance to explain to the viewing audience why she had eliminated Stone Throw. She’d be leaving comments like this at the end of every single episode.
“Stone Throw told me that the reason he failed tonight was because of a headache,” she said, “now, I’ve given him a chance to get rid of his…and I’ve gotten rid of mine.”
Episode 3
Previously, on The Princess’s Library: Ten ponies were thrown into a magical broiler, as Twilight Sparkle began pushing them. But, it was hothead Fire Streak that pushed Rune Stone to the edge. During the library’s first demonstration, Fire and High Tower shone on the fire spells. But, Lock Jaw and Zesty Shifts failed to impress on water, getting them kicked out of the brewery. The last straw was when Stone Throw, on potions, continually gave Twilight the wrong potion. Lock, Zesty, and Stone were sent up for elimination, but it was Stone who said goodbye to his dream of becoming Head Stallion at Twilight’s new magic school in Manehattan.
And now…the continuation…of The Princess’s Library
“Buck off!” Twilight barked.
The team trotted out of the library and back upstairs to the dorm. Lock and Zesty were still stewing at each other, though no words were shared. Frankly, everypony was much too tired to argue. But that didn’t stop Fire Streak from pulling Rune Stone aside and making a move on her. She growled at him, but it didn’t flinch the stallion. He simply smiled, gave her yet another peck on the cheek, and trotted off. By this point, Rune was furious and made up her mind to report him yet again. Tomorrow morning, she thought, you’ll find your sorry flank out on Main Street.
But the next day, Fire wouldn’t let her leave. He kept blocking her path with various objects, utilizing his talent to his advantage. Smirking from his spot on the couch, he continually moved things like potted plants, desks, and even a couple of coolers. This caused Rune to fly off the handle, and she galloped around to where he was sitting. Taking a place next to him, she turned and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck. The look in her eyes was one of absolute fury and she began to involuntarily hyperventilate. All Fire did was continue to smirk, causing her to become even more annoyed and frustrated.
“You sick son of a witch,” she snarled, “I mean, really. Putting things up so I can’t report you? How low can you get?”
“Who said I was the one doing it?” Fire asked with a creepy smile, “I mean, I could…I do have the most talent out of every single donkey here.”
“Donkey?!” Rune exploded, “I’ve never been so bucking insulted in all my life!”
“Oh, come on, Rune Stone,” Fire said, “everypony knows that ponies who fail miserably at magic are referred to as donkeys.”
“That’s not bucking true,” Rune said with a dead look in her eyes, “but at this point, I’m not surprised. By the way, have you looked in a mirror lately?”
“Ooooo…oh, your words hurt me,” Fire said, clutching his chest sarcastically, “oh, wait-no, they don’t. Because I’m gonna win this bucking competition, and then you’ll be on all four knees begging to be with me.”
“You flatter yourself,” Rune said, grinding her teeth together, “and, by the way, watch your bucking back…because I’m gonna win this, and use my money and fame to blackball you from every magic school in Equestria! Your name will be slaughtered by every mage from here to Vanhoover!”
“Eh, dream on, I always say,” Fire said, planting another kiss on her cheek.
“OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!”
“Everypony!” Rang out the voice of Comet Tail, “Mage Twilight wants you all in the library, now!”
“Alright, line up, let’s go!” Twilight called as her staff made their way into the library. She smirked a bit as the team noticed how different things looked that morning. Instead of the usual warm, inviting décor and friendly nature, the floor had been transformed into a maze. But this wasn’t just any maze…it was in a swimming pool! The group’s mouths all seemed to drop together as they viewed this for the first time. They also noticed the look of smug satisfaction on the face of their mage.
“Good morning!” Twilight said.
“Good morning, mage!” The team responded.
“Every single mage, magic school head, and wizard in all Equestria knows how to use magic. BUT…they also know when not to use it. For there is a greater magic than even that which we carry in our horns: the magic of teamwork. It was something that was severely lacking during our demonstration last night. Zesty and Lock, you two were abysmal on the water spells. Rune, you lacked a voice on the potions, and you’re damn lucky I didn’t kick you out. So, with all that being said, this is your next challenge! We’re gonna pair off in teams of two, predetermined by myself and your sous mages, and you’re gonna swim this obstacle course. Here’s the catch: no magic! You’ll have to rely on your senses and each other to make it through. Teamwork is crucial in any brewery, and definitely in any school. So, what are we gonna do?”
“WORK TOGETHER!”
“Good! Now, since we have nine ponies, we’re gonna have one of you sit this one out. Unfortunately, this means you’ll automatically be vaulted into the punishment for the day. Now, then…let me see…High Tower. You’re gonna sit this one out.”
“Yes, mage,” High said, disappointed at not being able to participate.
“Alright, let’s pair off!”
The ponies were each given a foreleg band of a different color. If they found the pony whose color corresponded to them, then they formed a team. Soon enough, four teams of two formed. Team Purple, Team Green, Team Orange, and Team Red. Much to Rune Stone’s horror and chagrin, she found that her green team partner…was Fire Streak. Team Purple was Dark Cloud and Starshine. Team Orange had, fittingly enough, Orange Peel and Spell Caster. Finally, Team Red had Lock Jaw and Zesty Shifts. Needless to say, neither pony was pleased.
“Problem, Lock?” Twilight asked.
“No, mage,” Lock said, shifting around uncomfortably next to his partner and rival.
“Good,” Twilight responded, “now, then, the team with the fastest time will win…and will be rewarded for the rest of the day. The rest of you will be punished. Team Purple, you’re up first! Ready…set…go!”
Dark Cloud and Starshine nodded to each other and dove in the water, swimming for all they were worth. They actually worked together very well, calling out obstacles and helping the other pony if they got stuck. They posted a very respectable time of 45 seconds. The next team to go was Team Orange. Orange and Spell dove in and began swimming just as hard. But they got into a bit of an argument over which direction to go around an obstacle and this hurt their time. They finished at 55 seconds. The third team to go was Team Red, and it was intensely interesting. Lock and Zesty simply wouldn’t speak with each other, acting the part of feminine divas rather than respectable mages. Their time of 1:20 placed them deeply in third. Twilight couldn’t help but be disappointed, as she continued to see both of them decline.
“Well…that was bucking embarrassing,” she said.
“He wouldn’t talk to me!” Zesty accused.
“No, he wouldn’t talk to me!” Lock shot back
“Right now, you both sound like petulant foals,” Twilight growled, “so, get the buck back in line.”
The two mages continued to grumble under their breath as they headed back to the group. Finally, Team Green went. Rune Stone and Fire Streak plunged into the water. Almost immediately, Fire began calling out instructions, bragging about how he’d lead them to victory. But Rune was not about to be outdone by her rival, and she took control. The two battled to be the top pony within their own team, driving themselves further and further away from the win. Unfortunately, due to their thirst to defeat the other pony, they were unable to work together. They hit every obstacle, and wound up yelling at each other for several minutes. Their time of 5:40 placed them dead last. Everypony snickered as they got out and shook their coats.
“What in the ever loving BUCK was that?!” Twilight thundered.
“Sorry, mage,” Rune said, “it’s just…Fire gets on my last nerve!”
“I know you want me,” Fire said sleazily.
“Shut up, Fire!” Twilight roared, “and have some bucking respect for your fellow competitors.”
“Yes, mage,” Fire said, rolling his eyes.
Twilight sighed. He’s a talented pony, she thought, I know what he can do with magic. But…is he fit to run a school?
“Alright,” she said out loud, “congratulations to Team Purple! Your time held up, and you’re in for the most amazing day…because we’re going to the beach!”
Starshine and Dark Cloud lit up at the announcement. Twilight went on to explain that their destination was the Luna Ocean, and that they’d be staying overnight at a beautiful hotel there. They’d be waited on hoof and nail, and also get an exclusive VIP tour of a nearby aquarium. Twilight told them to get ready, because their private train was leaving in a few minutes. Excitedly, Starshine and Dark galloped from the room, eager to begin their time with the princess.
“Oh, dear,” Twilight said, “for the rest of you, this day will not be relaxing and fun. You’ll be cleaning this entire library from top to bottom, under the strict supervision of my sous mages. Trust me, Comet and Astral are…well…there’s no nice way to put this, so I’ll just say it: they’re neat freaks. Yes, they like things to be absolutely immaculate. So, with that being said, get your rumps in gear and get to work!”
“Yes, mage,” the team said in disappointment.
While Starshine and Dark enjoyed their time with Twilight, the rest of the group spent the day cleaning and grumbling. Rune and Fire reignited their passions…for hating each other. Lock and Zesty wouldn’t speak. Much to Astral and Comet’s chagrin, it seemed that a good chunk of their brigade was falling apart. They’d need them at full strength for the next night’s demonstration, so they forced them all to work together. This led to more petty grumbling, and the sous mages threatened the whole team with another cleaning if they didn’t stop.
When Starshine and Dark returned from their trip the next day, the entire team gave them a look of disgust. After all, it’s very easy to become jealous of somepony when they get to do something fun and you don’t. But they’d earned it with their terrific teamwork in the pool the previous morning. The team didn’t have time to worry about them, though, as the impending demonstration had all of them on edge. Would they be tossed from the brewery like they had been the first time?
They gulped, got themselves pulled together, and trotted down and into the brewery. Twilight was already there, at the head, wearing her mage ring. The ponies lined up in the way they’d been taught and faced her. Starshine and Dark couldn’t help but notice that there were two sides to their mage. At the beach, she’d been very kind, sweet, and friendly. It was The Princess of Friendship on display. But here, she was stern and cold, accepting nothing but the absolute perfection of her staff.
“Right, tonight is about redemption,” Twilight said, “we had an awful first demonstration. Now, we bounce back, right?”
“RIGHT!”
“I CAN’T BUCKING HEAR YOU!”
“RIGHT!”
“There you go,” Twilight said, nodding with approval, “now, on your sections and let’s do this! Comet, Astral, open The Princess’s Library, please!”
Ponies piled into The Princess’s Library for the second demonstration. Among them were VIPs (Very Important Ponies), including visiting mages and magic experts. Celebrities also came, curious as to how the demonstrations worked. They were greeted by waiters, who gave them the rules of the library. It was the same as any other likeminded establishment. The ponies weren’t allowed to speak above a small conversational tone, no matter how much screaming came from the brewery. Everyone sat on the edge of their seats, peering into the open aired command center. Soon, orders started to be placed, and Twilight began yelling them out.
“On order, four ponies, table three: one fire, one water, one earth, one air!”
“Yes, mage!”
Dark Cloud and Starshine had been placed on fire spells, while High Tower and Fire Streak worked earth. The water spells were given to Lock Jaw and Spell Caster. Orange Peel and Zesty Shifts were on the air spells. Finally, since there were nine ponies, Rune found herself working potions alone. She silently begged for there to be limited orders, since each potion was extremely complicated to put together. That, and the last pony to ride solo on the station got eliminated from the competition.
Soon, the order was complete, and Twilight found that all the spells were proper. So, she sent them out. The orders continued to pile into the brewery and, much to Rune’s chagrin, a lot contained potions. She tried and tried, but it was very overwhelming to remember that many potions in such a short time. Soon, Twilight became rattled by her slowness.
“RUNE! I NEED THOSE BUCKING POTIONS FOR TABLE 27!”
“They’re coming, Mage! Give me two more minutes!”
“Two more minutes?!” Twilight asked in disbelief, “I’VE BEEN CALLING THEM FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES!”
“They’re coming, they’re coming!” Rune cried, trying to stop the onslaught of emotions she felt.
“YEAH, WELL SO’S BUCKING HEARTH’S WARMING! LET’S BUCKING GO!”
Finally, Rune brought up five different potions. Each pony at the table had ordered a separate concoction, and Twilight needed to test them all. Once again, she was surprised to find that they’d all been done correctly. She was somewhat proud of Rune. It wasn’t easy to solo any brewery station, but the potions may have been the most difficult. There were so many ingredients to remember, and Rune had done them perfectly. She’s a front runner, Twilight told herself, but I have to keep pushing her to see if she’s a fake…or if she’s the real deal.
Twilight grabbed another ticket and turned around. “On order, VIP table, listen up, guys! It’s Songbird Serenade and her family! DON’T BUCK IT UP!”
“Yes, mage!”
“I need three regular earth spells and one fire spell requested full flame! Heard?!”
“HEARD, MAGE!”
Starshine and Dark Cloud got to work on the fire spell, while High and Fire did the three earth spells. They very quickly got their concoctions done and sent them up to the pass. But Twilight’s horn was very nearly burned by Starshine and Dark’s spell, so she sent it right back to them. She demanded it redone in two minutes, and the ponies worked together to get it done. They sent it up…and it almost burned her horn again! By this point, Twilight was close to losing it with the section. For the third time, she requested it. Starshine and Dark did it, but this time, it appeared to be proper. So, Twilight sent it out. Unfortunately, when it got to the table, it flared up so badly that it nearly burned Songbird’s mane off! The pop star wasn’t happy with things, and she returned the spell herself.
“Princess Twilight!” The diva barked.
“Songbird, it’s nice to see you again, but what are you doing here?”
“The fire spell we ordered…look what it did to my mane!”
Twilight was horrified as Songbird showed her the injury. Manes would grow back, but the carelessness of the spell had nearly burned her head. This was the last straw. Twilight whirled around on Starshine and Dark, advancing on them as they quivered in her shadow. Starshine silently asked Dark what she’d done to the spell, and Dark pointed to some nearby fire powder. Upon checking it, Starshine found that it was the wrong kind. The fire powder for full flame spells was meant to generate a pleasing heat. Dark had accidentally poured in a load of powder meant for very extreme spells, and only used on special occasions.
“Get out,” Twilight said, in a voice straight from Tartarus.
“Mage, we-“
“I SAID, GET THE BUCK OUT OF MY BREWERY!”
The ponies hung their heads, turned and walked out of the area.
“THAT’S RIGHT! HANG THOSE BUCKING HEADS!” Twilight screamed, “’CAUSE YOU GUYS WERE AN ABSOLUTE JOKE TONIGHT! BUCK OFF UP TO THE DORMS! YOU WON THE BUCKING CHALLENGE, YOU WENT ON THE BUCKING REWARD, AND THEN YOU PERFORMED LIKE A COUPLE OF MULES TONIGHT! BUCK YOU AND YOUR SO-CALLED TALENT! GET OUT!”
When they’d left, Twilight put Fire on the fire spells, and they all went out perfectly. Songbird and her family received their redo spells in the proper time and quite enjoyed them. There weren’t any further problems and nopony else got booted from the brewery. All in all, it was a fairly solid demonstration…but Twilight was not amused. She called for everypony to line up, and Starshine and Dark returned from their banishment. Their faces were both red and it appeared that they’d each done a great deal of crying.
“We completed the demonstration,” Twilight said, “but I’m not in a celebratory mood. Why the buck does it have to be that painful?! Rune, I know you were solo on the potions tonight, but the slowness with which you were getting things out was…somewhat detestable. But the true embarrassment was that fire station. Ironically, it was the strongest during the first time we opened. Starshine…Dark…what happened?”
“I accidentally used the wrong fire powder,” Dark confessed.
“Three different times?” Twilight asked.
“I guess I just didn’t check the label,” Dark said.
“…really?” Twilight asked in disbelief, before sighing. “All of you, get out of here and come up with two nominees for elimination.”
“Um, Mage Twilight?” High Tower asked, shooting a hoof up.
“Yes?”
“I think we already know who our two nominees are.”
Twilight nodded. “I think you’re right. Starshine, Dark, get your flanks up here. Now, then, Starshine, why should you stay in The Princess’s Library?”
“Princess, I should stay because I have passion and leadership skills. I can do this, and I want a chance to prove that! I didn’t have any spells come back tonight-“
“Didn’t have any spells come back?” Twilight asked, “what about Songbird’s charcoal mane?”
“That was Dark Cloud!” Starshine begged, “that wasn’t me!”
“Hey!” Dark Cloud said, defending herself, “I might have put the powder in, but we both worked those spells together!”
“Quiet,” Twilight said, rubbing her forehead, “I really don’t have the patience for any more arguing. Now, then, Dark, why should you stay?”
“I should stay because I have the heart, the dedication, and the knowledge to be your next Head Mare! Working at the school in Manehattan would be a dream come true!”
“Well, you might just get to work there…as a bucking janitor,” Twilight growled. “Alright, I have to make a decision. The pony whose time in the library is overdue…is…………………………Dark Cloud. I’m sorry, your time is up here. Please, give me your ring and leave.”
Once again, Twilight’s heart softened as the mare brought forth her ring. “Listen,” she said as she took it from her, “the reason you’re going tonight is because you didn’t check the fire powder before using it and it actually injured one of our customers. Whether it’s somepony off the street or Songbird, the ponies who come here are our number one priority. They must remain safe throughout the demonstration. Tonight, your carelessness caused one of them to become unsafe.”
“Yes, mage.”
“I cannot have that kind of incompetence running my school.”
“Yes, mage.”
“But, keep going, keep training…and never, ever give up on your dreams.”
“I won’t.”
“Good night.”
With those words, Dark Cloud disappeared through the front doors forever. Twilight then turned to the rest of the team and barked that she wanted redemption in their next demonstration. After dismissing them, she trotted to the stairs and the same camera from before followed her up. She shook her head as she walked along, giving her thought on Dark Cloud’s elimination.
“Dark Cloud might have had some talent with magic, but her incompetence tonight placed one of our clients in danger. I won’t have that, in my school nor my brewery.”