She had been waiting for this...

She had been waiting for this for so gosh-darn long, nothing was going to take it from her.

Hand on the wall, she stepped into the bathtub. Dirty clothes hung on the door behind her, which was locked and for good measure, also had a set of drawers pushed up against it. She turned the metal crank, then jumped at the sudden and shrill hiss from the showerhead above. That was then remedied by the relaxing face-full of mist as hot water came crashing into the tub. Shivers rocketed up her spine, her feet made contact with the pooling water and she clung to herself, protecting the important parts, as she inched her way into the shower stream. Closer, until parts of the ends of her elbows and chest began to intercept with the stream - she flinched, gasping as a wave of goosebumps erupted up her back.

It had been so long since she’d been clean. Though, that wasn’t technically true, was it?

She had used wet wipes on her face, pits and everything in-between before, and there had even been that one river they found near the Everfree forest.

She meant it had been so long since she’d had a shower, and all the everyday, often-overlooked pleasantries that came with it. She wanted nothing more than to fling herself entirely into the stream and let it consume her. But she wanted to savor this.

‘Don’t waste a good thing’, were words that rang in her head.

So, she didn’t. Slowly, she inched more of herself into the path of oncoming water, revolving on the spot. After a while, minuscule movements taking place over an indiscernible amount of time guided her, finally, into the full force of the warmth. It plunged her deep, soaking through her hair and enveloping her entirely. She swiveled left and right, making the warmth fall to every nook and crevice she had. She bit gently into the skin of her finger - pure delight.

Her head tilted and with another jump of sensation, water flooded her ears. For the briefest second, the unmistakable sensation of being underwater filled her senses, enveloping her completely, washing away all problems, fears and anxieties that had followed her thus far. The grip she had over herself released entirely and she gave herself to the shower head. For how long she stood like that, she did not know. It could easily have been forever. Life, for this briefest of moments, was the best it had ever been. Nothing could ruin this, not even if it tried.

Dipping her face out from the stream, she opened her eyes as though she’d just woken from a long slumber.

The room had misted up; now the near window looked nothing more than a blurry shape of colors. Something she could make out very clearly though, was the small pool of brown beginning to pool at her feet. Instinctively, she stepped out of the growing puddle, only to realize the futility of such an action.

Had it really gotten that bad?

It couldn’t have been that long, surely? She’d done the best she could with what she had… though, again, she’d never been the most observant type. A few specks could have easily slipped by. But it looked like more than just a “few specks” were beginning to gather now. She sniffed hard, letting the nourishing mist fill her lungs. She could easily blame the condensation, but she knew the liquid forming in her eyes was not because of that.

Physically, she shook her head. She would not let this moment be ruined.

That much filth just meant she was all the more cleaner now.

She shuffled her feet to reposition herself entirely under the showerhead, more than willing to let time slip away again. She brought her head back, fighting off another moan as the dizziness once again took her. The bliss was indescribable, it was as though her very flesh was beginning to melt away and she was ascending to become pure energy, no longer contained in the frail human body of hers. Oh, how this was the release she’d been after.

Da-dum

The briefest of noises - a gentle thump. It was quick and one off, but brought her out of her trance completely.

On instinct, she seized up, abandoning all attempts at comfort. She grabbed the first thing close to her, which so happened to be a bottle of mane shampoo. She brought her face to a break in the shower curtain, where to her relief, she found the door still tightly shut, and the small cabinet she had dragged in front of it still stationary. A breath of stress escaped her lungs. The splashing atop her head might as well have been coming from outside, she paid it that little mind.

She was stupid…

No. It was to be expected.

It was okay to be like this… and natural.

She wasn’t doing anything wrong. And it had gotten her this far, right?

Shaking more polluting thoughts from her head, she returned under the umbrella of warmth and again, gave herself to the euphoria. At once, she remembered why she was here, and her attention turned to the shampoo bottle in her hand.

Her hair was dirty. Like, dirty, dirty. Lately it had become easier to just wear hats than it was trying to maintain it. Even the water seemed to be having difficulty penetrating the innermost parts of her knotted mats. It would be nice bringing it back to its full potential, but it would need a serious attempt at brushing and with a very strong comb to get it looking perfect again.

She brought herself from under the shower head just enough that she still got the warmth but her head was clear, squeezed a large dollop of the shampoo into the palm of her hand, then began rubbing into the depths of her hair. This had an effect on her almost similar to stepping in the shower for the first time - as it was like itching a scratch she hadn’t even known about.She dug as much shampoo into her hair as she could, causing another smell to mix with the condensation, a very pungent, organic-tasting odor. When she did as much as she could, she looked to the other bottles on offer. Two of mane shampoo, some face and body wash, conditioner, body wax... She decided to do the clever thing and let the shampoo sit for a while, so went for the body wash next. This meant she had to step further out from under the shower's joyous rays, but she knew this was not a factor that could be skipped out on.

She squeezed herself some lotion and began to clean, then almost immediately recoiled in pain, dropping the bottle, which kamikazed itself loudly around the base of the tub.

CRA-COOM!

“Owie…” she crused under her breath.

She knew at once what she’d done. How could she be such an airhead!?

She turned her arm over and a large, discolored patch of skin met her eyes. She’d been in pain with that for a while, and as it grew more sensitive, she’d wrapped a bandage around it. The same bandage that currently lay in a pile with her dirty underwear on the other side of the room.

Why was she always like this - always acting without ever thinking? It was a habit she was in dire need to break - and thought she had been doing a good job, until now.

As she bent down to pick up the fallen bottle, a new voice entered.

“You alright in there?”

In-spite of everything that had happened tonight, the mere presence of that voice sent surges of dread through her veins. It took a second to find her voice, before she nodded affirmatively.

“Yeah, I’m sorry! Just, dropped… dropped something! I’m sorry!”

Whether or not she got a response to this, she couldn’t hear. She placed the body wash back on its counter, gripping it far tighter than called for.

Why was she such an idiot? Again, she shook her head.

After some time, she resumed cleaning. She brought her hands in circular motions over her body, being sure to avoid the sensitive spot this time. By the time she reached everywhere and finished, her body's blue-tint was near unrecognizable under the layer of perfect foam.

The cold was beginning to nip at her edges now, her body was screaming at her to get back under the water, so she did the next piece quickly. She picked another bottle, this one of conditioner, and layered it into her already soapy hair. It was as much as she had expected; strands of hair clumped together and difficult to separate, but slowly and surely, she felt the conditioner doing its job and the bits began to break apart. It wasn’t ideal, but it was certainly a start.

And that was what she was here for wasn’t it, a fresh start?

She finished coating in the conditioner, then a slow and rather depressing reality began to make itself known to her. She was almost finished. She would be pushing her luck trying to stay in for any longer. She was lucky enough to even be allowed in here and now she’d already started dropping things.

So, after making sure she had got the best clean possible for her head, she finally retreated back under the shower’s warmth.

But this time, it was different.

Perhaps it was the daunting prospect that her time here was soon over, or maybe her body had just adapted to the cold, but this time the heat was not pleasant, but stung slightly. The relaxation and euphoria was gone, securing the feeling she had severely overstayed her welcome.

Moving quickly, she started to scrub her body up and down, freeing it of the foam. There was an orange sponge on the counter, but using somebody else's sponge seemed like a step over a boundary. So she cleaned with her hands, and with horror, saw the pooling water had now entirely turned brown.

“Now, that’s a bit dramatic…” she told the water off.

She finished her scrubbing and finally, brought her hand to the shower nozzle. It took longer to reach it than it needed to - she really didn’t want to get out, even this vaguely unpleasant stinging sensation was better than… the alternative, of getting dressed into her stinky and damp clothes. This shower had been much needed, but not because she had been in desperate need of a clean (though, that too), but because she had been in desperate need of a break from reality of late.

The shower clicked off and almost at once, the cold air violated her. She quivered, stepping out of the tub and onto a bathmat, then dried herself as quick as her hands would carry. She ended neatly by wrapping her hair in a tight towel-cap, just like she’d seen grown-ups do on the TV.

Depressingly, she looked back at her pile of clothes. She took her underwear and, trying to ignore the cold dampness of them, slid them back on.

Her head turned.

She had been offered that big, orange, fluffy bathrobe. She had decided immediately she wasn’t going to use it, hoping to leave a good impression, but…

She slipped freshly-wrinkled arms into the poofy sleeves of the gown and at once, the warm sensation she had been missing from the shower was back - the bathrobe had been left on the radiator, she practically melted into it. Talk about a moral boost.

She did the cord tight around her and took a steadying breath.

This had been nice. Very.

But now it was time to step back into the big, scary world. As soon as she stepped out, she was back into it. But she was ready now.

She pushed aside the white drawers and unhatched the lock on the door. The mist swirled around her as she opened it, revealing a dark and foreboding corridor in front. She stepped into the cold.

“Sunset…?” she asked into the dark.

A moment later, and a bright, shimmering face met her around the corner.

“Right on time! I’ve made us some hot choco!”

A few moments later, the two were seated in Sunset’s living room, two steaming, creamy cups of hot chocolate placed before them.

“I really didn’t mean to, I promise, and I picked it right back up and - !”

“Sonata, honestly, it’s fine!”

Despite her words of reassurance, it was pretty clear she was being laughed at.

Sonata sank miserably into the bathrobe. It felt easy to get lost in its vastness. Naked under it, other than her bra and panties, she felt incredibly small and exposed. Through a combination of its size and sheer softness, she felt like if she really wanted to, she could retreat into it like a turtle, never to be seen again. That’s what she felt like doing.

What happened next?

Despite the dreary aesthetic of the apartment block, walking into Sunset’s flat had been a pleasant surprise. It was tame, but to her, it might as well have been a palace. “Comfy'' was a feeling she had gone long without experiencing and boy, was this place comfy. A lot bigger than her place, too. And cleaner.

It was darker in here than before, the main light had been turned off, instead now the room was lit by two shades on either side, giving it a cosy glowing feeling.

The silence was loud. Before her shower they had discussed everything in depth - way more depth than she should have done. If she could do it over, she’d have played her cards closer to her chest. But it had all become too much for her, she had broken. She had confessed things she had previously sworn to secrecy over. She had broken and given herself entirely over to Sunset. By the time she had done she felt dried up. That was the best way to describe it - like she’d just cried herself absolutely bare dry and now there were no emotions left to be had. That was a metaphor, though. She had probably restocked on tears in the shower by now.

Because of how she’d confessed, now she felt the need to remain more alert, and did so by keeping regular glances around the room.

There was a howling wind making itself known outside. The kind you only heard in polar regions. This winter was snowier than most. She tried not thinking about it - not thinking of having to put back on those soggy clothes, having to make the freezing journey back to their apartment, having to explain to her sisters where she had been… She didn’t want to go back to them after everything that had happened. But, she also didn’t want to stay. If she went back, she was in trouble for so many reasons.

But if she stayed…

No, she didn’t want to stay.

Physically shaking the troublesome thoughts from her head, she looked to Sunset, who had been watching her. Embarrassed, she snatched up the cup of hot chocolate and began drinking in large gulps. She hadn’t meant to zone out. Minutes after declaring she was staying alert, as well. The hot chocolate would have probably been tasty, if it wasn’t burning her throat on the way down, but the pain helped distract her.

“You’re wolfin’ that down, you should slow down a bit. Don’t wanna’ get hiccups.”

Having already downed half of the cup in one, she tried her best smile.

“Sorry.”

Sunset smirked, bringing her hands to her lips.

“You’ve… you’ve got a mustache.”

A shower of embarrassment coated her - she quickly wiped her top lip clean of cream with her sleeve.

“So, are you feeling any better?”

She took longer than she needed to wipe off the foam mustache, trying to figure out how to answer.

In all honesty, she felt awful. She had done things tonight she would never be able to forgive herself for. There was an overhead rain cloud that despite anything she did, never seemed to brighten or clear up. Every action, every thought, came with this detached sense of guilt and betrayal.

And honestly, probably for good reason.

“Yeah.... Thank you.”

“Want to talk any more about it?”

She didn’t answer, hoping her question would resolve itself.

She was a lot better now than she had been before the shower. Even thinking back on it, not an hour later, she was ashamed. Embarrassed by her breakdown, ashamed of letting someone see her like that. It was everything she had promised herself she was not anymore. Not exactly the perfect first action of her big change. She cried like a baby, and Sunset had comforted her like one.

Sunset Shimmer.

How was she able to speak so confidently about all of this? It had taken her years of struggles to get to the point where enough was enough and she had snapped, yet she was able to discuss it as nothing?

This strange orange-haired girl... This gorgeous, funny, popular girl, whose hatred she harbored was one of jealousy, what reason did she have for being so kind to her? She had wanted a way out for ages, she’d know for years she needed help, yet who was Sunset to offer it to her? What was she? Truly an angel with intentions beyond understanding, or was this some elaborate revenge scheme, as her head voice screaming at her it was? Did she trust her? Or did she just want help, and was accepting the first bit of it she was offered? She was in the wrong for even being here... Betraying her sisters, her family, for her own selfish needs… if there was anything left inside her, she would probably cry about it, right now.

The confidence in Sunset’s voice helped her find hers and after a moment, she struggled to her final resolve.

“Look, I know it wasn’t healthy... I know they treated me bad... But… but, they will always be my sisters. I love them and I’ll always have the memories of the good times we had together. Even if it’s just memories and they’re not in my life anymore. I’ve done what I had to.”

That last line had done it. Her voice cracked and she shut down. Saying another word, any other word, would cause another complete breakdown. She wasn’t here for that. She wasn’t here for sympathy, and Sunset might have already seen her cry, but she was not going to be a child that needed looking after.

“You should know that, it takes a really strong person to be able to say all that, Sonata.”

Blinking through the tears, she saw Sunset smiling at her. Smiling like nothing was wrong. How did she have such a perfect smile? After everything that had been done to her, after everything she let Adagio do…

Her smile caused a sudden, last ditch moral boost.

“Adagio taught us to do whatever it takes to survive…” she croaked, breathing. “And for me, that means doing it away from them.”

For how long their shared, awkward smile lasted, Sonata did not know. It could have been seconds, it could have been eternity. But there was one thing she was sure about. While under that smile, regardless of anything else in the world, regardless of whatever might seek to do her harm, she was safe.

Sunset was the first to break the contact, she placed a box tissues between them, then walked a few paces off out of sight. Thankful, Sonata blew her nose, as quietly as she could manage.

“Look, Sonata it’s… it’s pretty late. And the snow is coming down hard,” she said from the window. “You sure you don’t wanna stay the night on the couch?”

Her heat leapt at the offer.

Yes!

Yes!

How much she wanted to stay the night!

She looked back and forth between her and the darkened window, from which she could indeed see a small blizzard of snow battering the glass. She felt numb. Her heart wanted to give one answer, but her head pushed out another.

“No, I… I’m sorry…”

When Sunset sighed, it was a sound that dealt a physical blow to Sonata’s heart. After everything she had done for her tonight, that was the last single noise she wanted to hear. She turned around to say something, anything to fix her mistake, but was beaten to it.

“Look, we said we’d try trusting each other enough to talk about things, and well…” Sunset shrugged. “Things have been talked about. Honestly, after all I’ve been through, I can’t say I’m not getting a slight bit of a heart-attack every time I turn around and see you sitting in my living room but… I gotta say it, you’ve given me reason to trust you.”

She ended again, on a smile that could have lasted for millennia.

Sonata still felt numb, all the warmth from her shower now nothing but a distant memory. She tried to understand, but it felt futile. She couldn’t comprehend any of what she was hearing. Sunset’s words made no sense, but here she was saying them and frankly, she believed every word of it. But attempting to understand why only made her feel sick. She wanted to protest and fight it, she wanted to blame her lack of resolve on shock or tiredness, but she couldn’t even lie to herself, never mind the girl sat before her, offering her so much.

She had never met anyone so good at smiling.

So she decided not to argue. Because for as simple words as they were, one could be mistaken for thinking they were code. Because Sonata has just heard a lot more than what was just said. There was an uncertainty in her voice that she recognized at once - was there a chance she really was as confused and scared by all of this as her?

“T-thank you, Sunset Shimmer.”

“And we said we’d try helping each other, right? Isn’t that what all of this was about?”

“Yeah…”

She clapped her hands together loudly. Sonata jumped - physically, right to her feet.

“Then, I insist!” she loudly announced.

“W-what!?”

She brought her hands to her hips and smiled, posing victoriously.

“I’m not letting you leave!”

Apparently, she was able to read the shock of Sonata’s expression before she even made it and quickly amended herself, shrinking back down.

“I mean, ehehe, that is… Obviously, you’re allowed to leave, but I… I’m heavily insisting that you stay! First step and all, you know? I feel safe enough around you that I don’t mind… and if you are just a master manipulator and this is all some scheme just to get me in my sleep then… well, I sleep with a baseball bat.”

Sonata closed her ears to her. She didn’t want to hear anything more. It was an argument she was going to lose if she humored it. She wanted to believe it was as easy as Sunset made out, but an unearthly force was pulling her back to the front door.

“Aria and Adagio are still out there…”

Why did it hurt so much to say their names?

“And…” Sunset sighed again, “... that is their choice. Just like how you made your choice to trust me and accept my help. This is part of the deal. If they want to try and open up and try new things, they’re more than welcome to a place on my couch too.”

“B-but there isn’t room for all of us to sleep on there!”

Sunset laughed again. This time it wasn’t at her, but because of her. That made her feel very special.

“Then they can stay on the floor, I have spare blankets.”

“A-are you sure that’s okay?”

“Honestly… I don’t know…”

Sunset went quiet again. She looked frustrated, something which Sonata couldn’t help feeling responsible for. For the longest second, the apartment was still, all except for the sounds of the December wind beyond.

Then after a while, Sunset again, broke the silence.

“Look - this is all new to me as well. But… I made a promise to myself and a promise to you to give this a try. I’m holding up my end of the bargain, I just need you to hold up yours.”

Sonata nodded, quickly.

“I’ll do anything.”

“Then just… just try and understand, Sonata. I don’t exactly know what I’m doing either. I just know I’ve got good intentions at heart. Please, I need you to compromise a little as well. Plus, yanno... It is Christmas."

Again, her words felt like a physical stab in the heart.

This was all so twisted. Why was she having her life depend on strangers like this!? She more than resented the position she had been forced into, but what choice did she have anymore? She was just lucky to have found someone as merciful as her...

If mercy was indeed what was going on here.

Viciously, she shook the evil thought from her head.

“O-okay, then… Thank you, Sunset Shimmer…”

Sunset coughed loudly - she had become so enveloped in her own internal war that it scared her - then before she knew it, she was having a heavy blanket and a large pillow dumped by her side.

“Awesome, there you go! I set my alarm for about 10am on holidays, you going to be okay getting up then? And you know where the bathroom is, so feel free to use it if you need to. My room is just next to it, knock if you need anything?”

She was moving quickly now, straightening things as she passed by them, avoiding her gaze.

“Are you… not sleeping in here?”

She laughed from the other side of the room.

“Of course not, silly! But I’ll be right down the hall if you need me.”

Sonata tried for her best, most appreciative smile and hoped it was enough.

“Goodnight, Sonata.”

“Goodnight, Sunset Shimmer…”

The door closed gently behind her. Not all the way, but enough that the room suddenly seemed smaller than it was before.

Sunset had certainly left very quickly. She did not know how that made her feel. Her eyes did not leave the spot she had last seen her, as if hoping if they stared long enough, she would reappear. When she did not, Sonata shook her head, bringing herself back to reality.

This room was nicer than anywhere she had slept since… well, since losing her powers. Adagio and Aria would have loved it here - Adagio would have slept in the big main chair, the one Sunset was sitting in earlier, since she always liked to have the most impressive thing in the room, and she and Aria would have to stayed on the couch together, but she wouldn’t mind, because they kept each other warm and it was nice when she got to spend time with her older sister without being yelled at all the time.

She sighed.

She lay down on the sofa alone, feeling hollow and uncertain. Her head sank instantly into the thick feather pillow Sunset provided, and as she pulled the heavy blanket over her, she knew at once this would be one of the best sleeps of her lifetime. Even if it was on a sofa. And in the home of an enemy. And… without her sisters.

But sleep did not come immediately, as much as her body begged. Instead, an hour later, by the time the wind had died enough for her to hear the sound of Sunset’s snores coming from the other room, she was barely drifting.

The unfamiliar ceiling was staring at her. It wasn’t starting to grow any more welcoming, and the lingering thought that she was not supposed to be here, not welcome here, kept her awake.

This was okay.

This was right.

Adagio would be proud of her.

Now, after all this time, she was finally standing up for herself and making a change. She was working towards a better life.

Yes, it came at the expense of her sisters, but...

She gritted her teeth.

With a voice so croaky it could be mistaken for an injured animal, and a hand on the spot where her source of her power used to be, she began to sing softly into the pillow.

“Without lows there are no highs. If nothing fell, there’d be no skies. Without far, there’d be no near. The days separate the night, and the shadows by which we recognize the light.”

Hours later, when the blue siren drifted gently off into the land of dreams, her anxiety would catch her up and she would be forced to face her fears of abandonment, hypocrisy and guilt. But, in the meantime, until such a time came, she was going to get a few hours of the best gosh-darn sleep she'd had in a long while.

Because she had earned it.

Author's Notes:

Nearly four years in the making, but I'm back. Expect only this first chapter for now, I usually wait until I'm about 5-6 chapters ahead before I start posting, but I wanted to get this out in time for Christmas. Enjoy the long-awaited continuation of The Sun Shines No More.