The group rushed home quickly, forsaking caution for speed. Lucien doubted they stopped sprinting even once. Every so often on the run back, his ears would pick up some foreign presence off in the brush, but they were past it before anything bad could happen.

They were back on the outskirts of the Everfree before they knew it, each pony and person panting hard and sweating harder, despite the snow and cold weather. They passed by Lucien's empty house and soon enough the village of Ponyville came into view. However, as they approached, they began to notice that something was amiss. The normally bustling streets were empty of ponies.

Lucien froze immediately, and held out a hand to signal the rest to stop. Deserted towns were something he had encountered frequently in his travels, and it always signaled trouble. They pulled over to the side of a nearby building on Main Street and crouched low in the snow.

"Okay, we need to find what's wrong and fix it. Quickly." He glanced around the corner to look at the still-empty street. "Does anypony know who lives in the house we're hiding behind?" he looked at the gathered ponies expectantly.

Immediately, Pinkie raised a hoof in the air. "I do! This is Bottom Line's house! He's been here forever! One of Ponyville's oldest residents!" she chirped.

"Great. We need to go have a little chat with him," he proposed.

"So let's go on and knock on the door, c'mon." Rainbow Dash boldly began to walk around the corner before Lucien stopped her.

"No. We need to be more cautious. I don't know what's out there that's making these ponies stay indoors, but I don't like it one bit. We're going in a different way," he said.

"How, then? The chimney?" asked Twilight sarcastically.

"Oh I hope not. I'd hate for this winter gear to be smudged with soot," complained Rarity.

Lucien face-palmed. "No. We're going in the back door."

"Oh thank heavens!" Rarity said as he walked by her.

He walked around the other side of the house and hopped over a white picket fence. He tried the door and found it locked. His eyes widened in surprise. "Wow. A locked door. I'm honestly stunned that someone around here actually has the sense to do that."

"Well there is such a thing as crime, you know." Twilight deadpanned.

"Shush you." Lucien put his palm against the lock and probed at it with his magic. In seconds he had located the tumbler and lifted the pins. The door unlocked itself with a soft click. He opened it slowly, peeking his head around the corner to check for danger. It opened to a dark hallway stretching back into the house, the back of a staircase on the left. He crept inside slowly, holding the door open to let the rest of the ponies inside.

Once they were all gathered inside, Lucien closed the door softly and locked it once again. Afterward, he straightened up out of his slight crouching position. "Alright. I think we're safe now."

Just after the words left his mouth, the handle of an umbrella appeared directly behind him and clocked him in the back of his head, causing him to fall forward into a roll. "Take that ya repulsive creature! Leave these poor ponies alon—hey!" The umbrella was enveloped in a purple glow and ripped from the pony's grasp.

"What was that for!?" screamed a furious Twilight Sparkle.

"It kidnapped you folks didn't it?" asked the graying pony, eyeing them carefully.

"No! He brought us here in an effort to protect us!" She turned around to check on the injured human. "Lucien, are you—" he was gone. Her pupils dilated. "What. Where?"

"Up here," answered a voice from (you guessed it) above their heads. Lucien was on the ceiling of the house. Sitting down cross-legged and looking at the assortment of multi-colored horses.

Rainbow Dash flew up next to him. "Uh, dude. How are you doing that?" She poked at his leg to see if it would cause him to fall. It didn't, and he swatted her hoof away.

"Complex series of fail-safe Gravity Spells, it would take way too long to explain. Anyway, I take it that this is Bottom Line?" Lucien pointed to the stallion in question. The colt had a plain gray coat with a thinning black mane, and a cutie mark of a quill drawing a line of ink. His very presence seemed to radiate old-ness.

"Yes, you nincompoop, I am Bottom Line. Now that the introductions are out of the way, what are you all doing in my house?!" His transformation from grumpy pony to a raging grandpa took them all completely by surprise.

Lucien fell down from the ceiling and landed firmly on the wooden floors, eliciting a loud creak that echoed down the hall. "Oh, right, sorry about the breaking and entering. I knew something was wrong with the town and we came into the first house we saw to gauge the situation." It was the truth.

Nonetheless, Bottom Line eyed him warily. "Eh. I'll accept it for now, but only because these six lovely mares vouched for you." At their mention, most the ponies blushed and Fluttershy hid behind her mane. Rarity was the only one who seemed unaffected by the subtle compliment. "Someone's a little egotistical."

"So what's going on? What can you tell me?" Lucien asked slightly impatiently.

"I'll get straight to the point—"

"You mean 'straight to the bottom line'?" he snickered, pulling out a few giggles from the girls.

The pony gave him a stare of pure hatred and gritted his teeth together. Lucien feared for his life in that brief moment. "Yes. That." He breathed out and calmed down a bit. "All jokes about my name aside, there is something out there that is out to kill us. Of that, I am certain."

That got Lucien's attention. "What have you seen? Describe it."

"They look a bit like you, son. Tall and menacing. But you don't look half as bad as these things. These creatures are revolting. They're covered in black, inky stuff that drips from it. Some of them have tentacles coming out of their heads and . . . other places." He shuddered. "One of them tried to grab me . . ." he started to trail off as his eyes lost focus for a moment. "But the worst thing," he looked directly at Lucien, "the worst part is the eyes. They glow like the fires of Tartarus and seem just as deep. I'm surprised I haven't had a heart attack yet."

"So they look like me."

"Yes."

"Black filthy stuff drips off them."

"Yes."

"Tentacles."

"Yes. Is there a point to this?"

"And glowing eyes?"

"Yes!"

Lucien sighed with relief. "Whew! I thought it was something actually serious!"

"WHAT?!" The house shook with the volume of the gathered ponies' outburst.

"Geez, you guys, if you wanted me to explain, you could have just asked." He shook his head at them disapprovingly. "Anyway, this is hardly a threat. I'm honestly surprised that it wasn't anything worse. Let me just show you." He shrugged his backpack off and pulled out his notebook, then flipped to a page rapidly. "Basically, there's this sort of virus - well, more like a fungus, really - that has infested my world in a few places. It spreads around and infects humans and turns them into, well, this." He showed them all a page with a sketch of a creature similar to the one described by Bottom Line.

He turned it back to him and began to read it aloud. "'The Filth is some manner of sentient lifeform, its purpose in living is unclear, but it's intent on destroying human life. Not much can be said about it, but the hosts it takes are generally weakened by the creature living off some of its last energy. Occasionally," he flipped the page over to the back, "there will be mutations, mostly in wild animal hosts, that will transform the host into an over-powered son-of-a-bitch. Due to its overall lack of intelligence, the Filth is controlled by a Queen that directs their actions via proposed telepathic communications.'" He turned back to the first side and some of the ponies could make out multiple stacked sticky notes at the end of the page that read "Times Killed," followed by an incalculable number of tally marks. "Those are my notes. Want to see a sketch of one of the Mutant Filths I fought?"

"Eh, why not?" Rainbow Dash ventured, while the rest of the ponies turned away to go have their own conversation.

"Okay, here ya go." He flipped the notebook around again and showed the sketch to Dash.

"Whoa-ho-ho-ho! That's so nasty!" She grabbed the book with her hooves to get a better look. Lucien saw her eyes widen in disbelief. "You fought this guy?" she asked incredulously.

"Not just him, but a few more like him. I'll spare you the details, but I'll tell you that when the Filth mutates like this, it is not easy to deal with. I've gotten out of my fair share of close calls with beasts like this."

Rainbow could hardly believe what he was saying. "That is so awesome, you don't even know. It sounds so exciting! Living life on the edge! Every day another threat, another adventure!" She shot up into the air and the notebook dropped back into Lucien's hands.

"It's not fun and games all the time, but yeah. This is my life." He smiled when he said that, but it felt fake to even him. "Am I going to tell her how bad it can actually get? . . . Nope. Let her have her moment." He turned back to the other ponies while Rainbow was punching at the air, her mind in a different place entirely. "Alright, ponies, what are we talking about?"

Twilight looked at him with worry in her eyes. "You said these things weren't dangerous, correct?"

"Well, no. I didn't say that specifically. They aren't dangerous to me, or anyone with a brain in particular. Pfft."

"But what are we going to do about them?! We can't have these Filth creatures stumbling around Ponyville in the snow!" Her pupils constricted. "What if this is happening all over Equestria!?" She gasped suddenly, her breath shortening into quick pants. "Those magic spikes the Princess was tracking! They weren't just here, they were all over Equestria!" She was dangerously close to losing it.

"Whoa, whoa there Twilight, let's think this out, alright?"

She gulped and nodded, even though she didn't look any more calm.

"Those spikes we saw, the ones in the other cities, they were all very broad, yes?"

She nodded.

"Yes, they were. And the one in the Everfree? How big was that one? Can you tell me?"

"It was narrowed to that area . . . in . . . particular." He could see the gears turning as she calmed down a bit.

"Good, now what does that tell us?"

"It was concentrated here."

"Yes. And since I came through here, we can only assume that it's only happening here. The other cities, well, I don't know what could be happening there, but Ponyville is the only town that will be affected by this; given that we don't allow it to spread. Are you alright now?"

She took a deep breath as the assembled looked at her expectantly. "Yes. I'm fine. I'm going to teleport to the library and check if Spike is safe. That dragon knows when to get out of danger's way, but I can never be sure."

"Perfect! I'll go with you!" Lucien chirped in.

"Are you sure? Shouldn't you stay here with the group?"

"Nah, as long as they're in here they should be fine. Besides, I want to check on the little guy also, and see if there's anything at the library I can grab to help us fight off the Filth."

Applejack broke in. "Whoa, hay there. Who now said anything about us? Ain't this more suited to your perticular skills?" she drawled.

"Yeah, sort of. But there's usually a small army of them, and it's always more fun when you fight with other people. Besides, I need to teach you guys combat sometime, right?"

"Fluttershy ain't participatin'."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

The pegasus in question was huddled behind Bottom Line.

"Twilight, let's just go. This should only take a few minutes, and then we'll come back over here."

"Right," Twilight responded.

"Good." He disappeared in a flash.

Twilight gave them all a little smile before teleporting away too.

"Anypony know a good card game?" Pinkie asked after a minute of silence.

Lucien materialized in the library with a pop that was quickly followed by Twilight's flash and bang. "Spike!" she called out. The sound of padded feet rushing across wood greeted them, and a bucket suddenly appeared at the top of the staircase. A pair of purple claws pulled the bucket up and the baby dragon's face was revealed.

"Twilight! Lucien!" he called out, rushing down the stairs.

Lucien had to stifle a giggle as he noticed that Spike had once again donned his pillow-armor. In his scaled hand was a tennis racket, the second greatest tool of personal defense.

"Hey, hold on, your image is lacking in something." He thought for a moment, then snapped his fingers with an, "Aha!" He held up his hand and a frying pan materialized in it. He knelt down and replaced the light racket with its heavier cousin. "There you go, heh. That would be much more effective."

Spike looked at him in confusion. "You're laughing at a time like this? Ponyville is under attack, if you haven't noticed!"

"What? Yeah, I kinda did notice. But it's not really a problem. The girls and I are going to take care of it in a few minutes."

"What? How?" both Twilight and Spike asked at the same time.

"I think the best course of action right now would be to take some of your reagents and brew them into concussive grenades, then I'll run to my house and pick up a few spare daggers or something. Not to mention I think I left the heater running when we left." He grinned.

She rolled her eyes at him, but accepted his plan nonetheless. "Okay, I'll go get mixing." And with that she gave Spike a quick hug and ran off to the basement of the library.

"So what am I gonna do?" he asked, holding his arms out to the side.

"That's an excellent question," Lucien responded after a moment of thought. "He's too small to do any real damage, besides, I don't want him to get hurt. Ah! I know!" He snapped his fingers. "While we're out fighting, you can go from door to door telling everypony that it'll be safe to go outside within the hour. Sound good?"

"Well . . . as long as none of you are hurt while you're out fighting! Got that?" he demanded.

Lucien held up his hands in surrender. "I've got that. Now, if you'll excuse me." For lack of a flashier exit, he decided to cast a spell to reverse his gravity and float upwards before teleporting away. Right before he disappeared, he caught a look at Spike's bewildered face and burst out into laughter. Laughter that carried over as he arrived on the ceiling of his own house.

"Shit!" his head slammed into the hard stone ceiling. He flopped out of the unintentional head-stand and landed on his back hard. "Ow!" He laid there for a moment and considered his previous actions. "Was it worth it?" He recalled the look on Spike's face and giggled. "Hell yeah it was."

After a brief second of hesitation, he flipped around through the air and landed back on ground floor. He was righted after a brief moment of vertigo. When the world stopped spinning, and after shooting a look to the set-off thermostat, he walked down into his basement. It took him a moment to adjust to the darkness of the room, but when he did, he walked over to the left wall, towards a weapons rack that he crafted himself.

"Now, what to grab? Who would like what?" He browsed his collection of weapons he had either crafted there or brought in his backpack. On the wall was two spears, a halberd, a katana, three daggers, a mace, some chain whips, and a rather large stack of shuriken.

"Twilight can use magic, but I'll give her a dagger too. Those mage-type classes always need to have a little something extra. He grabbed one off its place on the wall, along with a matching sheath.

"Rainbow Dash . . .? Katana. For sure." He picked it up and twirled it once. He put it in a matching scabbard and slung it over his shoulder.

"Applejack. She's a bit of a cow-pony. I bet she'd be really good with those chains." He pulled the chains off their hook and wrapped them around his wrist. He'd always admired people that could wield chains.

"Rarity wouldn't want to touch these things, and she's definitely not built to be a combat mage. She might not even want to fight them in the first place." After a moment of careful consideration, he pulled a poleaxe off the handle. She could figure it out. "Pointy end goes into other person," Lucien murmured.

"Pinkie Pie? Oh geez. Uh . . ." He closed his eyes and moved a finger around the weapons randomly, then stopped. He had selected the pile of shuriken. "Good, but not enough. She'll probably do well with a mace."

With his weapons selected, and feeling significantly heavier, he teleported directly back to the library.

He appeared directly in front of Twilight Sparkle, who had a box of potions floating in her magic. She shrieked and the box clattered to the ground, where it exploded in a shower of cardboard. Once she regained control, she looked at the box and then to Lucien with an accusatory stare.

"Sorry, sorry, my bad. Are those the potions?" he asked.

"No, Lucien."

"Oh, good, because I thought that—"

"Those were the potions." She interrupted him in a cold voice.

"Ah. Well, we don't need them anymore anyway." He shrugged it off.

Twilight's ears perked up. "Why's that?"

Lucien gave her a deadpan stare and gestured to all of him. After a moment, she began to take note of the various weapons that were supported by his body. "Dagger for you, katana for Dash, chains for AJ, poleaxe for Rarity, and shuriken and a mace for Pinkie. Think I made good choices?"

She appraised the devices of mayhem for a moment, then held up a hoof. "Poleaxe for Rarity? And why does Pinkie even get a weapon? She's dangerous enough as is, plus that Party Cannon is powerful enough."

"I figured that Rarity wouldn't be able to do much combat magic, so she gets a poleaxe. Doubt she would want to get close to them. And as for Pinkie, well . . ." his thoughts trailed off. "You might be right on that account." He dropped most of his items on the floor and pulled his backpack off. He dropped the mace and shuriken inside and zipped it back up.

He noticed Twilight's perplexed and surprised face as the backpack was righting itself on his shoulders. "What?" he asked.

"Your bag. It's enchanted." She noted.

"Uh, yeah? Didn't I tell you about it before?" he asked, scratching the back of his head.

"I don't believe so."

"Huh."

A silence took over the room. Lucien coughed.

"We should probably get going. The others will wonder what's taking us so long," Twilight said at last.

"Yeah," he laughed. "Wouldn't want them getting the wrong idea." His pupils narrowed once he realized what he said. "Oh, uh, I mean-" He huffed and teleported without another word.

Twilight blushed and followed suit after calling out to Spike that they were leaving.

"No fair! You're totally cheating! Nopony is this good at Bluffer!" was the first statement that reached Lucien's ears when he teleported back into Bottom Line's house. He could hear voices from the other room so he walked in slowly, weapons draped around his body.

"Hey, guys, I brought back the stuff . . . What are you doing?" a bemused expression took over his face upon noticing the group of ponies. They were sitting on the ground, but Rainbow, Pinkie, and Bottom Line were all standing on their heads, and Rarity was wearing socks that reached almost up to the tops of her legs, a blush completing the look. "Uh . . ."

"I shall have no more of this ridiculous game!" Rarity suddenly exclaimed and threw her cards forward. "Get off your heads, we have work to do!" she called to the three upside-down ponies while removing her socks. Her eyes never made contact with Lucien the whole time. Rarity trotted by him, probably headed to a restroom, and whispered to him, "you shall never speak of this."

"Well . . . that was . . . something," he said, remarkably confused.

As soon as the words left his mouth, Twilight materialized in the room directly to his right, an annoyed expression on her face. "Okay, let's go get this done. Lucien, go distribute your weapons." She nodded to him.

"Alright." He let the items fall to the floor, the poleaxe sticking into the floorboards. He winced at the thunk-ing noise it made. "So I made the best decisions I could with my limited time, but I think you'll like what I chose." He picked up the katana, in its sheath, from the ground and held it sideways with both hands. "Rainbow Dash," he called. The brash mare walked forward.

"Whatcha got for me? Something awesome?" she asked.

"Yeah, I think this'll do just fine. It's a katana. Basically, really fast, really sharp, and probably the coolest-looking sword type ever. Try not to hurt yourself before I show you how to use it." He bowed formally and passed it to her. She took it in her hooves like he was holding it, supporting herself with her wings.

"Whoa. This is pretty cool looking." She unsheathed it slightly, exposing the polished metal of the sword itself. "What did you call this thing? A kurtana?"

"Katana," he responded while picking up the chains. "Applejack." The mare stepped forward hesitantly. "You get the chains. They're not the easiest to use, but given your experience with rope I'd say they're a pretty good match." He handed off the coil to her hoof and she looked at it in slight confusion, then she glanced up at him. "Wrap it around your hoof. Here, let me show you."

She passed the coil back to him and he wrapped it around his left wrist loosely. "So you kinda just let it sit like this, and when you want to use it, you can drop most of it down, like this." He threw his hand down and several coils fell. A few coils were left on his wrist and he gripped the chain tightly in his hand. The links barely touched the floor. "I got obsessed with using these a few years back. Never got very good though. Had to use magic to cheat at it more often than not." As a demonstration, he swung the chain forward and let it spin around in an arc before he brought it back to his hand. He got it to wrap around his wrist again without much difficulty. "There you go." He handed it back to her.

"I take it you aren't the most magically skilled Rarity, no offence?"

"That isn't the most couth way of putting it, but yes, my prowess does not match that of Twilight's," she responded.

"Good, because I have this for you." With considerable difficulty he tugged the poleaxe out of the floorboards. He spun it around in his hands and then let it sit horizontally in his grip. "Poleaxe, because I figured you wouldn't want to get too close to The Filth. As the name suggests, it's not the greatest thing in the world to be near. As for using it, 'sharp end goes into other person,'" he quoted.

". . . Quite," she enveloped it in her magic with a look of uncertainty.

"That's everypony. Pinkie, I've got nothing for you because . . . well, Twilight here said you're OP as hell without any real weapons, so I'm gonna trust her on that one. I already gave Twilight her weapon . . . wait . . ." He paused and looked at Twilight holding her dagger through "director's fingers." Something was off. "That knife doesn't suit her well enough. Maybe if I . . ." "Can I see that?" he asked her, holding out his hand.

"Sure."

His magic enveloped the dagger and it floated to him. "This doesn't seem like you. It's not your style. So, I'm gonna change it up a bit." He turned the knife vertical and put one palm at the base of the hilt and the other at the top of the blade. Paying careful attention to the faces of his friends, he clapped his hands together suddenly, eliciting gasps from the ponies. "Ah! Wait just one moment! I'm completely fine!" His hands were still together. Then, with a little effort, he put his fingertips together and began to pull them apart. Something was forming in the space between his hands as they spread further away from each other. Thirty seconds later, and he was holding a full fledged baseball bat. With a smug grin at the shocked expressions on his friend's faces, he presented Twilight with her brand new bat.

Her mouth hanging wide open, she grabbed it with her hooves, forgetting she had magic for a moment. She fumbled with it for a moment, then firmly grasped it in her hoof. Her jaw rejoined its counterpart and she nodded a thanks to Lucien.

"That's your style. I'm calling it right now, that bat will be your best friend." After seeing the glare from Pinkie he added, "for fighting, that is."

"I sure hope so. But what happened to that knife?" she asked him. Her question was echoed by the rest of the ponies' confused voices.

He waggled a finger. "Now, a good magician never reveals his secrets," he replied, eliciting a chorus of "aww's" from them. "But it's a good thing I'm a great magician, so I'll tell you." Applejack chuckled at the little joke. "I just put it up my sleeve." He threw his arm down and the dagger shot down into his hand. "Of course, there's a ton of other small things I could have done," while he talked he spun the knife around in a circle and it disappeared somewhere along the way, "but I chose a minor sleight of hand instead. Tricks like this are fun." He held up his hands and rolled up his sleeves to show that the dagger had completely vanished.

"But enough of that. We have a town to save. Let's get moving."

Author's Notes:

So that last chapter? The one where I said this is going on hiatus?

Yeah, I lied.

Edit: forgot Rarity's poleaxe. Fixed now.