This fic is written in first person and present tense, the latter being an experiment to see if I can manage it. I know it's not something plenty of people like to read, but I decided to try my hand at it anyway.

I lie in the grass, and every part of my body - or at least parts that I can feel, and I swear there are extra - hurt. My muscles ache as if I've run a marathon while squatting and doing pull-ups all at the same time, and my head hurts like hell too. I groaned, and the sound made my pain intensify briefly before receding. I feel like one giant bruise and I sincerely hope I haven't broken anything...

Last thing I remember was spray-painting stuff on a wall that really needed some colors and... That's it. Was I hit in the head and then beat up? Fuck me, that'd be horrible. It wouldn't be the first time I get hurt, but this one's by far the worst. Now that the pain has subsided a bit, I know that I haven't broken anything, and I'm glad for that. I have always been really resilient, haven't even broken a tooth in my life, but it's always a relief when I'm fine after a nasty fight or shit. Yeah, I live this time, but everything still hurts. I really hope I won't have to visit a hospital, I can't afford the shitty fucking fees. Because of some dipshit politicians who never had to struggle for money, I have to endure the pain and hope that I don't have internal bleeding or shit. Fuck Republicans, for real. I'd like to see them try not to whine when they have no money and need to get treatment.

Now that I don't feel like throwing up, I can try to feel what's going on. There is... smell of grass? And birds flying around? An insect buzzes right past my ear, which flicks-

Wait wait, what the actual fuck? Ears don't flick, do they?

I open my eyes and fucking hell!

***

After who knows how much time, I've come to a conclusion that I'm officially fucking bonkers. This is some kinda... psychosis or shit. Delusions, who the fuck knows...

Facts are: I have a muzzle, it's covered in fur. I have a pair of ears on top of my head that can move. I have four fucking legs, a tail, and a pair of honest to reality wings. Oh, and a horn too.

I've never taken drugs, really, but what else can explain this shit? This ain't a dream, that I'm sure of. I just know it's not.

I closed my eyes. This... this is a bit too much. Where is my body? Why am I trapped in a horse body? Why am I a fucking magic horse?

How the fuck do I get in such situations...

I need to think at least a bit positively here. Horses are beautiful, so that's what I've going for me. Horses... are generally nice? Also somewhat intelligent? Shit, I'm definitely still intelligent despite being trapped in a body of a horse. Haven't lost my marbles yet, not stuck in a cycle of food-sleep-fuck. If I were a regular horse, I wouldn't be able to think like a human, right?

I think, therefore I am, and I am... a horse.

Woo-wee.

Well... not the worst thing in the world, I guess? Not the best, sure, but not the worst by a long, long fucking shot. Yeah, thinking real positive here.

After a long while of lying on the ground and keeping myself from going nuts because of this mindfuck, I finally decided to stand up and face whatever the fuck's going on and wherever the fuck I am. Despite having four legs, it isn't actually easier to stand up. Like, when I usually stand up from lying on the ground and shit, I use my hands to help me. Here, no hands, no fingers, none of that useful stuff. Sure, moving my, uh, front pair of legs felt kinda familiar in a weird way, but I don't have shoulders anymore, so it's weird. Do horses have shoulders? I don't think they do. They can't raise their front legs above their head, I think. Why would they, right, when they don't climb trees?

And now I'm standing on wobbly legs. After a few moments, I finally stabilize myself as much as I can in this new - and hopefully temporary - body. Much better. So, let's inspect my body, and the first thing I'm going to check is whether I'm a boy or a girl. I bent my neck and looked between my legs, and yep, that would be a dick. Two balls hanging in there and a shaft. Without a shadow of a doubt, that's a cock if I've ever seen one. Good, otherwise I would have an even stronger case of body dysmorphia. Or was it dysphoria? My mind isn't really working well at this moment, so let's drop that and focus on the other stuff.

Now, let's take a look at my back again because wings. And yeah, my neck was really flexible, bet I'm the throat goat now. Anyway, I can actually look at my back now, so that's cool. So yeah, wings... that's actually great, I'll be able to fly! Unless they're, like, purely decorative or shit. I don't think they're for swimming because, well, feathers, but who the fuck knows, definitely not me right now.

I'd think I was a pegasus, but there's this horn on my head. It feels weird, kinda electric but also not really? I wonder what it actually does. Was it purely for, like, attracting a mate or something? The longest horn picks the first... horse woman, girl, whatever? I guess having a horn is cool, and being a flying unicorn must get me some nice shit, right?

Whatever I am, I'm sure I'm not just a regular horse. My face is not human, yeah, but it's not really like a horse face either. My fur is pristine white, a nice snowy kind of color, and my hair and tail are both fiery-red, which is actually fucking awesome. I got my hair colored a few times, and it was great having something like vibrant blue or purple or pink, but I think fiery red suits me just fine. At least it's not the boring brown I was born with.

Okay, I'm some sort of magical horse-unicorn-pegasus-whatever, but that's not gonna help me figure out what's going on aside from, y'know, having been transformed into this. Where am I now, I wonder?

All I can see is grass, trees, flowers, more grass, more trees... Overall, a summertime wilderness scenery. Ain't anything in American South, that I'm sure of, and the weather feels like summer time, not the middle of fall like, uh, when I remembered being a human last. Not a sign of fallen leaves - except maybe under the grass. It's green everywhere too, no reds, browns, or yellows at all. The air is nice and warm, no chill to it at all - it's definitely summertime here, wherever here is. So, I'm in the middle of who knows where, I'm a winged horse with a horn, and... I've not an idea of what to do!

Oh wait, I think I can see some stuff lying under a nearby bush. Let's take a look... I take one step, and it's weird. Really weird. But manageable. All I need to do is remember how I used to walk on all fours as a kid from time to time. Plus I need to remember how horses walk. I've seen that enough times, so reproducing that shouldn't be too difficult, right?

Step two, and I'm closer to my goal. I also need to be mindful of my wings, but at least they feel familiar. They're like a misplaced pair of deformed arms, which sounds fucked up, but it is what it is. Well, it would probably be brutal if Lovecraft had written it, but I don't look like a madness-inducing monstrosity, thankfully, so yeah. I just need to fold my wings, and that can be done by imitating how I tried to look like a rooster as a kid. Hands to shoulders... Yep, yep, that's definitely familiar, but weird as all hell because I now have feathers. Man, it'll take quite some time until I learn how to fly. But before I can fly, I need to learn to run. And before that, I need to learn how to walk. I think I'm doing a good job at it so far.

Step three, much better. Still weird, but everything will be weird for quite a long time, I bet. Unless I suddenly find myself drooling in a dumpster or in jail or in hospital. But let's not think of any of those three awful options, I need to think positive. I'm a horse, I have a shiny coat, a glorious mane, and a long cock. I'm a flying horse, I will be able to travel without concern for terrain. I'm a flying horse with a horn, and... Well, I'm not sure how useful my horn is. It's straight, it's reasonably long, so... It just looks good?

Step four, five, six, seven- although I probably counted them incorrectly because I now have four legs instead of two- aaand I'm here. Oh right, that's a hoodie, and it appears to be my hoodie. Just a simple black hoodie with nothing special going on. I usually wear a t-shirt underneath with one of the bands I listen to, but... Not a single t-shirt in sight. That's a bummer, but I'm not sure I can even wear them anymore. Too many limbs, and a pair of them grows out of my back now, which will make lying on it really awkward.

However, I can try putting the hoodie on. How do I do it, though? Despite having six limbs, none of them have fingers, rendering them pretty much useless for picking stuff up, let alone putting anything on and using the zipper.

I really wish I had a pair of regular hands just about now. The ol' reliable five-digit tool that allowed us to use more tools and eventually go from apes to humans. Horses had no chance to build their own civilization. No hands, no civilization.
Not that it's a bad thing. Horses don't need civilization, they just munch on grass, sleep, and fuck. They don't need to worry about things like climate change or homelessness or whatever. Well, they live their lives in peace as much as they can when some ugly bald ape isn't trying to break their backs. Nice creatures, overall.

Anyway, I went off on a tangent there. I should be thinking of other things, and for once... where did my hoodie even come from? Its appearance makes me think something really, really damn weird happened to me. But I'll sort this out after I put the hoodie on. I'm feeling a bit exposed, being nude and all.

Wait, I can feel something, a sensation inside my... Horn? A pressure of sorts, like, uh... when you want to pee. Not a great analogy, but it works. Something wants to get out of the horn, and the sensation grows stronger when I look at the hoodie and think about picking it up. Can I... allow that pressure to escape through something? I wonder how to let it flow...

And there were the floodgates. An instant relief washed over me, and the hoodie was wrapped in some strange aura colored... a mix of orange-red and blue? Man, this looks bonkers. This aura is... a liquid gas? Man, I've no idea what's going on, but the very same aura is around my horn as well, and I can feel the fabric of the hoodie. How?

Man, oh man... I'm fucking amazed and terrified at the same time. Seriously, what the fuck is going on with me, this world, and everything else? It's all... so weird I can't even properly describe it. How... how did it all come to be, for fuck's sake?

Think positive. What I just achieved looks like some sort of... magic. I can touch my hoodie, but can I lift it up? With but a tiny bit of effort, I lifted it up. Wow... I feel like I'm holding it, but not like hands would feel, it's... A uniform sense of... pressure, texture... something like that.

This... this is telekinesis. I'm moving a thing with my mind. Sure, there's this weird aura, but it's not that noticeable. And the two auras don't connect, which definitely makes it telekinesis.

So, that is what the horn is for! Of fucking course! It's for using magic! I wonder what else I can do with it... Maybe teleportation? Spells to make impossible stuff possible? Conjure a few golems to protect me or do other tasks for me? Man, the possibilities, the possibilities! Maybe I can, like, summon a, a, a succubus and have sex, and... Man, this is amazing! So amazing I stuttered in my own thoughts!

But first, let's try putting on the hoodie. I lift one of my front legs and put it in the sleeve, then do the same with the other one, and... Wait, that's interesting. Once I finished putting the legs into the sleeves and let the hoodie cover my back, my wings disappeared. I can feel they're there, but at the same time, they're not, and the hoodie is definitely not nearly big enough to hide them so well, making it look like they were never there in the first place.

As soon as I took off the hoodie, the wings manifested themselves on my back. And as soon as I put it back on, they disappeared. Oh, there's more! A pair of stylized wings appear on the back of the hoodie as a print! That's really interesting.

Alright, let's also check if there's anything in the pockets. In the right one, there's a pair of small Bluetooth earphones. Yep, that's a familiar pair. Really handy, and still very good quality of sound despite the size. Unfortunately, they're entirely useless without a music player or a phone. I also don't see or feel any charging station, so they will likely die in a few hours if I do use them somehow. That's a shame...

In the left pocket, there's my smartphone. I usually keep it in my pants, but I'm glad it's now here instead. I pulled it out and took a closer look. Yep, definitely mine. There are some small scratches, but otherwise it's still good after years of use. It's just some Chinese no-name Android device; reasonably cheap and also really good after a root and a new, bloatware- and adware-free system. Decent camera, good battery life, and sixty-four gigabytes of internal storage along with double that in additional micro-SD, plenty enough for me. And, once again, no charger.

I pressed a button on the side of the phone to enable it, and... Huh, it appears my phone is charging despite there being no charger attached, and I'm reasonably sure my device doesn't support wireless charging. But hey, good to know it won't die unless I mess up! Photos, videos, music, some games, everything is as I left it last time I checked. My earphones are connected, and at one hundred percent charge. Last time I took a look, they were at eighty or so. I guess they're also infinitely charged? Well, alright then!

Actually... Let's try this. I used my magic to swipe the lock screen and, hey, it worked! Okay, let's turn on the camera. It appears to be in working order, so let's see the frontal camera. I tap the button, and now I see my face from the front.

...

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Phah! Hoo boy, what a silly face! Just... just perfect. Fucking hell, I needed that laugh. I took a photo of my face for later use - maybe I'll be able to post it on Facebook or whatever someday. This stupid face deserves to be mad into a painting, a clay figure, a statue, a 3D model, and everything else.

Fun aside, I have quite a long face. Why the long face? Because I'm a horse, that's why! Although I don't look quite like a horse. I'd say it's a mix between a human and a horse, but not in a creepy way. I'd say I look kinda cute. I noticed that my eyes are still blue, but I think they're brighter, maybe even more saturated now. Not that I'm complaining - I like color blue. But I also like red, and the mane I have looks amazing. It's a bit on the long side, but not enough to tie in a ponytail or anything like that. Hm, a ponytail on a horse? That sounds weird.

My stomach grumbled. I may have my electronics with me minus my PC, but what I don't have is a full stomach. I need to find something to eat, and I also need to find out where I am and where can I even go. It would infinitely suck balls if I was the only one left alive after, I don't know, humanity nuked itself or died of climate change or a number of other things we could do to ourselves to kill us in our infinite asshattery. Although, this forest seems fine, so maybe it's not so bad.

And hey, at least one horse is out and about, and that horse is me. I'm also a human, but being a magical flying horse is infinitely cooler than being a regular human.

Fuck humanity, I love being a magical flying horse now. Totally worth it.