Artists are weird.

No offense to them, of course. It's out of necessity. After all, no one wants to pay a fortune for the work of a sane pony. There's a reason artists with quirks are so renowned.

Which is more interesting? A sterile painting? Or the same painting except the artist made it by slapping a canvas with spaghetti? It's no contest. You want the pasta painting because it comes with a story. With weirdness. Because weirdness is good.

Vinyl Scratch liked to think she was weird.

You had to be to enjoy her line of work. Long nights, near constant review of her work. Lots of commuting. The life of a famous musician was not for the faint of heart.

Vinyl Scratch's hands hung in the air, pointed upwards to no one in particular. The final notes of her climax were drowned out by the screams of the crowd. Though she'd spent full days agonizing over the most minute details of that finish, she couldn't complain about the applause eclipsing her work. It all sounded so much better to her than anything she could have written.

Even after all this time, she struggled to take it in. The sweltering heat, the smoky air, the pounding in her chest. It reminded her of one of her other favorite activities.

Vinyl pushed her shades to her forehead and scanned the floor below her. Outstretched arms and elated expressions everywhere she looked. It was a good audience. Energetic, receptive to the new material, didn't try to climb onto the stage. They deserved some thanks.

Some ponies thought the glasses were some priceless heirloom. An expensive artifact that was the source of her power. She did have a genuine pair that were important to her in a drawer at home, but these were cheap replicas she could afford to part with.

She aimed for a spot somewhere in the middle of the crowd. A couple bright eyes that were really into it all night. Hopefully they could catch.

And then she walked off. The silent persona she'd built up forbade any other words. She didn't even have a mic.

"So," Vinyl said, high-fiving a passing stagehand. "How was it?"

The mare next to Vinyl didn't lift her eyes from her clipboard. Like Vinyl, she sported glasses along with a bright white color on her fur. And that was where the similarities ended. Slender, short, black mane, rarely talking and even more rarely smiling. The very picture of a humorless professional. In fact, she'd be quite flattered to hear as much.

"Fine," Clipboard said. "Same as the last one. Mostly."

Vinyl pouted and hooked an arm around her manager's shoulder. "C'mon, Clip. Talk to me."

Clipboard's cheek pressed into a breast the size of her head. That may have drawn her attention the first few times, but Vinyl was a mare of few tricks.

"They liked it. The new t-shirts shirts sold very well."

"I have new t-shirts? Never mind, you know what I'm talking about."

The smaller mare didn't exactly hesitate. Rather, she hoped a passing shiny object would distract the unicorn long enough to escape. However, Vinyl maintained her focus.

"Those last two songs were new."

"Yeah?'

"Some of those sounds were a little strange."

Vinyl squeezed Clip's shoulder giddily. "Yeah? And?"

Clip sighed. "Were they mine?"

"Yours, mine, and a couple others. Don't worry, I got all the permissions and stuff. But what did you feel?"

"Mortified, mostly."

"Why? Nopony knows what it is yet. Except you and, like, my roommate."

At long last, Vinyl succeeded in pulling her manager's face out of her paperwork and into a shameful hand.

"No," she groaned low and long. "Octavia knows?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Not everyone lives in a perpetual state of horniness, Vinyl. Some of us like to keep up appearances. How am I supposed to look her in the eye now?"

Vinyl offered a shrug to the mourning mare. "Same way I do? I mean, hers are in there too. Heck, she helped me record mine."

Clipboard stared off into the distance for a moment to contemplate her apparent concert debut as well as just how Octavia may have extracted those noises from Vinyl. Then she sighed again. "I don't have time to process this right now. And neither do you."

"Whaddya mean?"

"A couple kids won that contest of yours. They get a back stage meet and greet after the show."

"What? Man, I don't wanna babysit right now."

"You should have thought about that before suggesting it in our meeting."

"How was I supposed to know you'd listen? You never go for any of my other ideas."

"This was the first reasonable thing to come out of your mouth since we met. 'Nude concerts' and 'sex sounds in the new album' are bad ideas, Vinyl."

The DJ released her manager to cross her arms and pout. "You'll see. It's gonna take off."

"Mhm."

"You wanna bet?"

"No, Vinyl. I want to do my job. But, on the off chance your little experiment pays off, you can rub it in all you like."

"I'll hold you to that," Vinyl shot back. "And I'll use those moans in the next album."

Clip realized too late that she'd just signed up for more than an "I told you so". But she was confident nopony would get to cash that check. And, in the event that somepony did, she'd be well off enough not to care.

"Whatever you say. Anyway, get to your dressing room. I already sent the VIP's."

"Should we knock?"

"I dunno. I don't want to bother her if she's tired."

Vinyl turned a corner in the hallway toward her dressing room to find a couple ponies poking their heads around her door. Clip had some nerve calling them 'kids'. Those two were definitely taller than her.

Half-desperately searching the door for a nonexistent peephole was a brown earth pony with a shaggy orange mane. Scrawny wasn't the right word. He looked like a college-age stallion that recently discovered that going to the school gym was good for your health. What he lacked in impressive muscle he also lacked in unflattering weight.

Behind him, feigning a more reserved search of the door, was a white unicorn. Vinyl enjoyed a rather broad audience despite producing what she considered a pretty niche genre. That being said, the mare at the door looked out of place. Though she donned the same slim-fitting blacks as the stallion beside her, the soft purples of her mane and her gentle, singsong voice didn't seem to match the rougher punk rock crowd Vinyl expected.

"Maybe this isn't the right place?" the mare offered.

"But this is the room she said. Isn't it?"

Vinyl crept up from behind and put an arm around both of them. "I hear if you say her name three times, she'll appear."

The couple turned back to the newcomer in their conversation with confusion and slight annoyance. Then they noticed her face.

"You're-!" they both squeaked as Vinyl cut between them and opened the door.

"You can talk!" the stallion added.

"Don't tell anyone," she said, walking inside then turning around with some exaggerated flare. "And you..."

Vinyl's magic swiped the badges off of her guests' shirts and brought them to her face so she could pretend to examine them. "...are my VIP's." The DJ returned the badges and sauntered inside. Her guests poked their heads in cautiously.

To the left was a set of drawers and a chair in front of 3 large mirrors designed to expose every blemish on a pony's face. To the right, two sofas surrounding a small table. The VIP's didn't get a chance to snoop further as a magenta barrier appeared before them.

"Hold up a sec," Vinyl said, tossing some of her accessories on the dresser. "I hate to narc on ya but I can't be inviting two minors in here with me alone. So I'm gonna need to see some ID."

The VIP's blinked then set about searching their respective pockets and purses.

The stallion handed his over first, frowning. "What would've happened if we were too young?"

"I would have asked why your parents let you come to my show," she said, twisting the card in her hands to check for the right watermarks.

Button Mash was his name. Judging by the picture, he needed to practice smiling more. And some time between learning to drive and now, he'd visited a barber. Somewhere under those jeans of his was a cutie mark resembling a d-pad on a video game controller.

"Am I good?" he asked, suddenly seeming unsure of his own age.

"Chill, Button. You're good."

Hearing a celebrity call him "good" perked up his face a great deal. "I'm good," he mouthed to himself, vowing to never wash his driver's license. You know, like one might normally do.

The mare handed hers over next. Sweetie Belle. A fellow owner of a musical note cutie mark. She looked a lot more preppy in her photo with bright colors and a sweater hanging around her neck. If it weren't for her excited expression, Vinyl never would have pegged her for a fan.

"Alright," Vinyl said. "I'm satisfied. Make yourselves at home. You want anything? I got water bottles and, uh, I think I got a bag of pretzels around here somewhere."

Button and Sweetie took a seat on the nearest couch, hands folded like mom warned them not to break anything.

"Uh, no thanks."

"No thank you."

Vinyl sat opposite to them and put her feet up on the table, waiting for one of them to say something. They sat in silence for an uncomfortable thirty seconds.

"So I don't really have anything planned for this," Vinyl finally said. "To be honest, I forgot I was doing this until like just now."

"Sorry," they said in unison.

"No, I mean-" Vinyl shook her head. "Do you have anything you want to do? Or talk about? I don't want to bore you here."

They turned to one another in search of an answer, making similar bashful gestures. Vinyl mentally prepared for another awful silence when Sweetie said "Oh!" and started rummaging through her purse.

"You threw these at the end," she said, holding out a familiar pair of purple-tinted glasses.

"Oh hey! That was you guys. That's pretty cool."

Sweetie pursed her lips when Vinyl made no attempt to retrieve them. "D-do you want them back?"

"Uh, no? They're for whoever caught 'em. In fact, you want a pair too?"

Button balked at the finger pointing in his direction. He nodded hurriedly as soon as he came to his senses then shrunk back when he realized he was being to genuine. "I mean, sure. That'd be cool."

Vinyl's magic found a duffle bag in the corner and produced a second identical pair of shades. Button's eyes shined as they fell into his hands.

"Looks like I won that coin toss for nothing," Sweetie lamented jokingly.

"I would've given them to you anyway," Button shot back unconvincingly.

Vinyl smiled knowingly at her fans. "So what's going on here? Friends? Dating? Actually dating but neither of you will admit it?"

"Dating," the stallion answered proudly.

"Took him long enough," Sweetie added, scooting up against his shoulder. "We were doing that third one until a couple years ago."

"I was doing my best, okay?"

"Don't be so hard on him, Sweetie," Vinyl cut in. "You're a catch."

"Right? She really thought I could just walk up and ask her out like it was nothing."

"You could have, dude. I bet she was dropping all sorts of hints."

Sweetie nodded somberly. "Why do stallions act like they can't read our minds?"

"We can't!" he exclaimed. "I'm confused, like, all the time!"

Both mares ignored him, locking eyes and bringing their hands on their temples in vaguely psychic gestures.

The stallion crossed his arms. "Why are we ganging up on me right now? Shouldn't we be talking about you?"

"Oh, do we have questions now? Ask away."

"Uh, what do you use to make your music?"

"A computer?" Vinyl answered to her disappointed audience. "What? You want model numbers?"

"I guess not."

"How about you?" she said, looking at Sweetie. "You must do music with a mark like that."

Sweetie blushed at the sudden reference to her butt. "I'm in an acapella group at school but-"

"In an acapella group, she says," Button interrupted. "Head of the chorus in high school. Started the acapella group. Took them to competitions. Posts vocal tracks under a fake name-"

His girlfriend punched his arm. "Button!"

"No, I'm gonna brag about you. Somepony should. She can draw pretty well too."

"Stop! She doesn't want to hear about my dumb little hobbies!"

Vinyl was already tapping away on her cellphone. "Are there videos of these competitions? And what's the fake name?"

"Noo!" Sweetie cried, trying to cover her boyfriend's mouth.

"Then you gotta give us something to talk about. Else I'll make you sing for us."

"W-what do you do when you're not working? Yeah! What do you do for fun?"

"Fun?" Vinyl instinctively tugged at the waistband of her shorts, mentally ruling out sex and alcohol as acceptable answers. "TV I guess. Usually historical stuff. Oh, and those 'how it's made' shows. There's this series about how unicorns discovered some really basic spells way back that's pretty neat."

"I know that one!" Button said. "You guys used to have to touch stuff with your horn to lift them before somepony figured it out. Crazy."

"What's an earth pony doing watching magic nerd shit?"

"Button used to wish he was a unicorn," Sweetie whispered not so subtly.

"It would just make things so much easier," he admitted. "It'd be like having four extra arms."

"You know how hard it is to do more than one thing at a time with these?" Vinyl laughed, pointing at her horn. "Years of practice to write while holding a piece of paper."

"I tried to tell him," Sweetie said. Then she turned to him. "Besides, I like you as an earth pony."

"Oh yeah. I bet you guys get up to all sorts of fun with that strength of his."

Sweetie's face went red again as she avoided looking at Vinyl's wriggling brow. Button was too caught up in his magic envy to notice the innuendo.

"That reminds me," Vinyl continued. "If you don't have any questions, could I sneak a little market research in here?"

"What's that mean?" Button asked.

"Fancy way of saying 'what did you think of the show'?"

Vinyl was met with a wave of enthusiastic but vague praise. As much as she enjoyed it, she'd have to focus their attention to learn anything useful.

"Right. Thanks. But how about the last couple of songs?"

Sweetie and Button froze for a split second and shared a glance. They must have spoken about it beforehand.

"They were new," Vinyl added. "A little sneak peak at some upcoming stuff."

Still nothing. Even their postures stiffened back up.

Her heart didn't quite sink, but it didn't feel great. "That bad, huh?"

"No!" they shouted.

"It's cool, guys. You don't gotta protect my feelings. I've had flops before. I need to check these things outside of a show. Hard to tell if it's the music or just the momentum, you know?"

"No, really!" Sweetie assured. "I really liked it! Especially that part with the-" and then she tried to mimic the synthesizer.

Button nodded. "Yeah! And the guitar-sounding thing! Made me wanna, uh..." He trailed off after getting a severe look from his girlfriend.

Vinyl stared at them. "What? Made you want to what?"

Made them want to squirm in their seats, apparently.

But she pressed on. If she was right, this could be big. "C'mon, guys. Lay it on me. We're all friends here."

That word struck a chord in Sweetie. Her shoulders fell and she resigned to just cover her eyes. "It made me feel hot," she admitted.

Button similarly wouldn't meet her gaze. "I don't know what it was. As soon as those new ones started I just wanted to... you know?"

"We're pretty weird, aren't w-"

Sweetie couldn't talk. Neither could Button. Not after Vinyl leapt across the table onto them and gave them both a faceful of her tits.

"You get it!" she cried. "You really fuckin' get it! Ah, holy shit this is great!" She released her fans from her grasp and started pacing the room. "She said it wouldn't work! Fuckin' suck on that, Clip!"

Vinyl turned back to find her guests still dazed from the surprise hug.

Sweetie recovered first. "It-it's good that we-?"

"Yes! That's the point!"

"Why?"

"'Cause I'm gonna make the sexiest damn music Equestria has ever heard! That's why!" Vinyl laughed like a mad pony. "I can't thank you guys enough for this. No way I was gonna get that out of any real critic."

"Uh, no problem," Button murmured wearing a goofy smile.

"No really. You don't understand how huge this is for me. Whaddya want? Tickets? Merch? Apparently I have new t-shirts."

"It's alright," Sweetie assured her.

"Plus I already ordered shirts for us," Button added.

"Really?"

He winced. "I can't keep a secret. Just act surprised for me when they show up?"

"Yeah yeah," Vinyl dismissed, sitting back down opposite to them. "I get it, you're both adorable. Now what can I do to repay you?"

"Can we get a picture?" Button offered after some silent deliberation.

Vinyl shook her head. "You're gettin' a picture anyway, dude."

"This is pretty cool already though."

Vinyl stroked her chin. "Alright. Tell ya' what. I know some ponies that know some ponies. Heard a couple things at a party here and there. How about I tell you anything you wanna know about the music scene."

"Like what? Gossip?"

"Insider gossip."

They both twitched. Sweetie glanced nervously at her boyfriend for an instant.

"Do you know, uh, Neon Lights?" Button asked shyly.

Carnally, she thought. "Sure do. What are ya' looking for? Embarrassing? Scandalous? I bet I could dig up some baby pictures if you give me a minute."

"No, that's alright. I don't wanna snoop or anything."

"Dude, I was exaggerating. No one's got anything career-ending going on as far as I know."

Sweetie chewed her lip. "I don't really feel right getting secrets like this."

Button glanced at her and gave a reluctant nod. Then his eyes popped back open. "Say, what if it's about you?"

His girlfriend glared at him. "Button..."

Vinyl shrugged. "Go for it. I've got nothing to hide. As long as it's not the vampire thing. Those are just pranks."

"C'mon, Sweetie!" Button complained. "We're not gonna get another chance like this! I know you're curious too."

"Yeah but that's..." Sweetie trailed off.

The DJ shook her head and laughed. "Sweetie, I just told you guys I'm making sex music. What could you possibly ask to offend me here?"

The younger unicorn wrung her hands, glancing between her boyfriend and the pony offering up a rule-free question. Button did the same.

"There's this video online," Sweetie finally began. "Blurry, shaky, can't make out a whole lot."

"Could be anyone, really," Button said.

"The one that posted it said it was you."

"Only sign it's you is the mane color though. Most ponies think it's fake."

Vinyl rolled her eyes at the innocent little angels dancing around the subject. "Uh huh. And what was 'I' doing in this video?"

They wouldn't answer. You'd think they were testifying or something.

"I'm in a lot of videos, you guys. I need some more info."

"You were...you know..." Button trailed off.

"I do. But I think it'd be good if you loosened up a little."

"You...you were having sex, okay?"

"I've been known to do that," Vinyl said, laughing. "Is that all? You wanna know if I've fucked on camera?
'Cuz that's an easy one that probably won't surprise you."

They winced at the crude language, but still looked like they had something to say.

"I'll be real with you, I don't really know what video you're talking about. I tend to be a little preoccupied when things like that happen. But I can think of a few things that might confuse you. What, uh, position was I in in this video?"

Still no answer.

"Was I on my back? Or something a little more unconventional?"

"You were behind her," Sweetie said, defeated. "Behind the other girl, I mean. And you weren't wearing anything."

"Don't ponies usually take their clothes off when they do that?"

"Not clothes. I mean like a toy or something. A strap-on."

"Ah, and you wanna know what I could have been doing back there?"

"I...have an idea. There are a lot of stories."

"Some of them say they've been with you," Button added. "A lot, actually. Most of them say the same thing. But you never really know online."

"Word gets around about these things," Vinyl said. Then she slowly lifted her legs up onto the table. "But what do you think?"

"I don't see anything," Sweetie said, eyeing Vinyl's admittedly skimpy clothing. "And I don't think you could hide what they've talked about."

"Aw, I'm flattered."

The stallion leaned forward, now blatantly scrutinizing Vinyl's outfit. "I mean, she still could be hiding something."

Vinyl grinned. "Oh yeah? And how would I do that?"

"One episode of that show went over a spell to make clothes bigger on the inside. You could put...something in there."

The DJ sighed loudly and slapped her legs. "Alright guys. This is fun and all but I can't keep up this act much longer. You wanna know if I'm packing a little more than the standard issue, yeah?"

They nodded.

"Now be honest. Would you really take me at my word either way?"

The consensus seemed to be a reluctant "not really".

"Right. So you'll probably want to do some seeing before you start believing, right?"

They both leaned forward, fully done with the shy act.

"You- you're serious?" Sweetie half-asked, now leaning over the table.

"Well, now I'm not so sure. I mean, it'd be pretty creepy if I up and exposed myself to a couple of my cute fans in my dressing room."

It was oddly satisfying for Vinyl to see two ponies so disappointed that they wouldn't get a look at her crotch.

"But," she began to a couple faces that were once more filled with hope. "If they happened to, I dunno, take matters into their own hands or something, I wouldn't get too upset."

She slowly spread her legs as she spoke, giving her fans a better look at her completely clothed groin. Meanwhile they were nearly climbing over the table for her.

"You two watch that video often or something?" Vinyl teased. "Ponies that give me that look usually have something on their minds."

"Yes," they both admitted in unison.

"Oh, now I'm definitely flattered. Well, if somepony was gonna try to pants me, they'd probably need to get a little closer."

They didn't need another hint. Button and Sweetie scrambled around the table and sat on either side of the DJ.

"Now this is the life," she sighed, resting an arm around each of her fans.

"These look a lot bigger up close," Sweetie murmured, staring at Vinyl's chest.

Vinyl arched an eyebrow. "You interested in these too now? I thought you were looking a little lower."

"I'm interested in a lot of things," Sweetie said defensively.

"Can we really-?" Button asked shakily.

"Don't see why not," said the mare in the middle. "I'm probably too distracted to stop you."

Momentarily emboldened, they both reached out and hooked a thumb around Vinyl's waistband. Her only reaction was to chuckle as they tickled her exposed midriff.

They hesitated, worrying they may have taken a joke too seriously. But Vinyl just sat there, grinning and drumming her fingers on her fans' shoulders.

"Gettin' cold feet? I thought you two were curious."

Sweetie locked eyes with Button. His expression didn't inspire confidence, but he nodded at her nonetheless.

"We're so frigging weird," Sweetie muttered.

Then she and her boyfriend pulled down Vinyl's pants.

What could it possibly be?