Everyday Life With Guardsmares
Chapter 86
Previous Chapter Next ChapterPurity Ebonshield
Estelar Siete Pureza Ébanoscudo was not quite sure what had just happened. Her current lover, a young unicorn colt from the Schola Magia of Canterlot, had been knocked out of his chair and was only starting to recover. The Specialist Artemisa Sparkshower had been raining tears against the tuft of the Specialist Lirio Glamerspear. And the Corporal Honouria Bound looked somewhat displeased at the Engineer Royal's suggestion of combining the shopping voyages.
That last one, at least, was perhaps understandable.
Honour turned to exchange silent glances with Glamerspear, so Ebonshield attended to her poor, bowled-over colt. "Are you alright, Gilberto? Do you need help?"
Sitting up, he brushed off his grey cloak. "No thank you, Miss Purity. I'm all right."
Such a polite young colt. She’d done well to pick this example out of the crowd at 'Earthquake.' But now was really not the time to be thinking of play -- it was time to work.
"Chico, have you finished your breakfast? Perhaps this would be best if you left us mares to our business now, yes? You can find your way in the palace, I think?"
He nodded with a broad smile. "Sure thing, Miss Purity... I'll see you around later?"
She smiled back. "Of course, Gilberto Corazón-de-León. I am not finished with you quite yet..." Oh, indeed. There was much still that this young colt must be taught. And these are things which the 'Schola Magia' will surely not have in their curriculum. "... I will be in touch."
With his head in the stars, he trotted out of the breakfast hall of the servants, and Ebonshield watched him go. He did not have quite the fittest of plots, but he was clever and he did not lack for enthusiasm. Good material for the molding into a fabulous colt. Fortunate and overjoyed indeed will be the mare who eventually takes that hoof after his time under her tutelage.
As she turned around again to face the quaternion, Ebonshield found Glamerspear shaking her head at her. "You have him call you 'Miss Purity'? Seriously?"
What names Ebonshield and her pet gave each other was really not worth talking about at this moment, so she merely batted her eyelids and smiled. Glamerspear rolled her eyes in response.
Artemisa, at least, had stopped crying and had released herself from her comrade's grasp, whereupon the unicorn turned towards Honoria, waving her forehoof. “Anyways, it's your call, Corporal. You'll be the one trying stuff on for an audience."
Honour shook her head, sighing. "What choice do I have? If the Royal Engineer wants to come along, then he comes along."
This answer did not please the unicorn. "Whaddya mean, 'what choice do I have'? You and I aren't on duty -- we're just backup, in case he needs the full squad to represent. It won't take long, either -- we can reply that we'll go calling-card-shopping with him in the afternoon."
Honour sighed again. "It doesn't work that way, Glamerspear. When you're in the VIP service, what your VIP wants from you, they get."
There was a certain tone to her voice which suggested to Ebonshield that Equestria of today had not entirely abandoned the hospitality ways of the times ancient. However, Glamerspear was taken aback by the suggestion.
"Oh, come ON, Corporal! We're his bodyguards, not his friends or his slaves."
It seemed to Ebonshield that they had been much more than mere bodyguards to the Engineer Royal. Perhaps acknowledging this, Lily shrugged and softened her expression.
"I mean, don't get me wrong, I like our VIP -- I like him a lot. He's the reason this job has been way more interesting than the snooze-fest I thought it would be! And I know he's the whole reason we're going out shopping, too, 'cause without him we wouldn't have Gala tickets at all! But that doesn't mean we have to let him stroll right into our private lives if we don't want to."
The sergeant decided that her present employer needed to have his intentions reiterated. "Corporal, the Engineer Royal will certainly understand if you decline. He was very humble in that he did not wish to be an 'inconvenience.’"
Strangely, her attempt to give Honour an easier time for saying 'no' seemed only to make her more upset. "It's not like that, Sergeant. Just by having asked for this service, we're not technically allowed to honorably refuse him..." She shook her head again, more rapidly this time, and lightly banged a forehoof on the table. "... Damn it! This is like when he had the movers in without any of us around. He just doesn't get how Equestrian society works."
Sniffling back her final tears, the pegasus Sparkshower raised her head. "Isn't that why he needs us in the first place?"
Glamerspear shrugged, but Corporal Bound fixed their young comrade in her gaze. "Sparkshower. You need to come up with a proper way to apologize and explain the Maypole situation to Anonymous." The Corporal got out of her seat and stood on her four hooves, admonishing the Specialist. "Deceiving like that could get you thrown out of the VIP corps, and knocked down to Private on the way out, for Celestia's sake -- so you'd better get things cleared up before Temper Vi hears about it. That means this evening, during your next shift. I don't know what you were thinking."
Full of remorse, the pegasus sniffled again. "I- I guess I wasn't."
‘Curious.’
What exactly had she done? Lied to Anonymous? Or, perhaps, failed to tell him something?
And what is this Maypole?
Questions for later.
Honour sighed again. "If Anonymous wants to come along while I buy a dress, then he may as well. It'll save us all some travel time, at least."
The corporal turned towards Ebonshield. "Sergeant, you're relieved. Take Sparkshower back to our quarters, will you? Glamerspear and I will take this shift with the Royal Engineer."
She did not seem pleased with her decision.
"Corporal, I do not understand -- you say with one face that you cannot refuse Anonymous despite his own wishes because of certain rules, and yet with the other you have admonished me for making certain proposals of service to him which you called archaic. What is the matter?"
She took a deep breath. "It's simple and complicated at the same time..."
Stepping close so that she didn’t have to speak up, she continued as she beckoned them all to gather together. Even Sparkshower and Glamerspear were paying attention.
"... You propositioned Anonymous, which, like I said before, is something that's not done in the Royal Guard VIP corps any more -- it hasn't been done in I don't know how long."
She swallowed. "But, technically, the way the rules are written in the supplementary contract that we all signed when we took this posting, if a VIP wanted that kind of 'service' -- or anything else -- we're obligated to give it to them."
Specialist Glamerspear interjected immediately. "That's mino-shit, Honour. You know damn well nopony would get punished for refusing sex to a VIP."
A curious attitude from one who deliberately desired to be the mistress of the rich and powerful. Exactly the kind of Equestrians who are entitled to such a service as they were presently engaged.
The unicorn chuckled before continuing. "... Not that I'd probably refuse, heh... And it's not like there'd be any real consequences if one of 'em tried to pressure a guard into it, either. But while Lieutenant Vi may be 'by the book,' she's not that by the book. She knows the difference between rules that can and can't actually be enforced."
Lifting her eyebrows, Lily laughed awkwardly. "You can't seriously be afraid of getting ninja-punched -- or even court-martialed! -- for turning down sex."
Honour was collected with her reply. "Of course not. But what about something more innocent -- something like this?"
Glamerspear continued to be dismissive. "Maybe if he reported it -- maybe. But he's the one asking politely if we wouldn't mind letting him tag along! Why would he complain to the L-T if you say no?"
Even though this was not how things were among the Children, what the specialist said did make sense to Ebonshield. She was not intimately familiar with the laws of Equestria, but clearly there was a divide considerable between what was inked on paper and what was true. A paper with words is only as binding as the wills of those who wish to enforce this as truth -- and when those wills no longer care for them, they are as good as stricken. Why, then, did the Corporal insist on following only what was written?
Their unicorn comrade shrugged her shoulders and waved her forehooves comically around her head. "What, d'you think he's gonna suddenly turn heel like some kind of pantomime villain? Slap on a big novelty mustache so he can twirl it with his hooves -- his hands, I mean?"
This was clear from how she looked away, deflated, that Honour had no strong answer to this. "Maybe not, but he's not the only one watching."
‘Hmm…’
To Ebonshield, the Corporal Bound seemed afraid of the shadows; a common fear among young Children of the Stars -- and even many adults. Except that perhaps for her, the shadows did not attend in the dark tunnels beneath the surface, but rather within the hearts of those around her. Yes, the pieces were beginning to fall together for the batpony, now. For such a pony, there is no convincing with words; experiences alone will allow them to trust again. The sergeant decided to take a chance and force the issue while the others were too baffled by Honour’s response to say anything.
"It seems to me that what the Corporal Bound says has merit. Specialist Glamerspear, you and the Corporal must without delay attend to the Engineer Royal so that a dress and calling-card both of excellent quality can be procured today." Turning towards Specialist Sparkshower, she extended a wing-tip to point. "I will escort the Specialist Sparkshower back to our quarters and see that she prepares also an excellent apologia for her misdeeds. Mother willing, we may be forgiven the delay imposed by this discussion most frivolous."
Ebonshield received very strange looks from her three comrades, but she maintained her composure, and eventually they all nodded and agreed to do as she said. Though clearly for the Specialist Glamerspear, there were several things the sergeant had forced her to leave unsaid. Despite this, she left with her Corporal in tow.
Which left only Sergeant Ebonshield and the Specialist Sparkshower.
The batpony stepped up beside the young pegasus and extended a wing over her back as she led her out of the dining hall after her other comrades. "Now, then, Artemisa. What is this matter so serious which requires an apology to the Engineer Royal?"
She swallowed, following along. "I asked him to dance the Maypole with me, because I was afraid my Puddin' wasn't going to come to the Gala... and I didn't tell Anonymous that it's a dance for young ponies in love."
‘Ah!’
‘This seems a day for the mending of hearts.’
For the Specialist Sparkshower, perhaps something more immediate may be done. For the Corporal Bound, Ebonshield thought, this would require more skillful work.
‘May the Mother of Stars bless my endeavours!’
Artemis Sparkshower
‘Thundershowers, hailstorms, hurricanes, and tornadoes!’
Somehow, none of the profanities of the civilian Airborne Weather and Climate Service Artemis Sparkshower commonly relied on could match the enormity of what she’d done. And what a stain on her old unit's honor, too! Equestria's illustrious First Pegasus Division: 'No Mission Too Difficult, No Sacrifice Too Great. Duty First'. She certainly hadn't put duty first last night. And what about her particular group, the Fourth Armored Regiment?
'Prepared and Loyal.'
‘Loyalty! To my own selfish desires, maybe! Oh, blizzards!’
‘How am I going to make this right?’
‘Can I even make this right?’
The grand corridors of Canterlot Palace seemed to close in on Artemis, like physical manifestations of her guilt. Lavender-and-gold wainscoted walls, usually reassuring and mystical, now felt cold and stern. Red-carpeted marble floors, opulent and serene, now carried whispers against her. And the vaulted ceilings loomed overhead like her guilty conscience.
Sergeant Ebonshield's leathery bat-wing, draped reassuringly over Artemis’ withers as she led the pegasus along, did help a bit. It let her know that the batpony wasn’t just going to leave her out to soak in the torrential downpour she’d caused. But the setup must look a bit silly to anyone who watched them go by, with the batpony being an inch shorter than Artemis in the shoulders, and considerably more slenderly-built.
Then again, isn't that how she looked when she was comforting her big, strong, Huckleberry Pudding, extending her own wing to cover his grassy-green back and blue overalls as she helped him deal with another one of life's problems? His pumpkin-orange mane bobbing against Artemis’ cream feathers as he brought his head up high with her support? His legs finding solid hoofing and a steady stride in even the thickest mud? His powerful croup bobbing up and down with -- ‘Oh, my.’
‘You're not supposed to be thinking about your Puddin' right now, Artemis!’
‘You're supposed to be thinking of what you've done to your VIP!’
Taking a breath, Artemis opened her eyes wide and tried to turn her thoughts away from how empty her bed had felt without her big, green cuddle-Huckle in it.
"It has been some time since you have been with your lover, has it not?"
‘Sleet-storms, was Lily right about batponies after all!?’
‘Can they actually read minds?’
Or... perhaps Artemis’ feelings for her absentee coltfriend were simply that obvious. She glumly nodded her head, and felt the sergeant readjust her wing to wrap them even more around her.
"Oh, mi pobre Artemisita, how you have suffered." Rubbing her cheek against Artemis’ neck, she led the lonely specialist up the final staircase to their quarters. "Come now, let us make correct the pieces which have fallen apart at your hooves."
Artemis lifted her eyebrows and looked over at Eb. "Do you really think the Royal Engineer will accept an apology?"
She smiled and patted Artemis’ flank with her wing-tip. "Of course, jaca! So long as you give the apology sincerely and with contrition, he will accept -- of this, I have no doubt."
Reaching the hallway door to their shared quarters, Eb depressed the handle and pushed it open with one forehoof. "This problem is not the one which troubles me, Artemisa, but the source of your mistake, instead." Still leading her with a wing over her back, Ebonshield flapped its free counterpart and in a single swift motion swept the door shut again. "Come now and sit on the sofa, yes? And tell to mamá Ébanoscudo the story of you and this colt."
‘Trowal!’
After Artemis was just kicking herself for thinking of Huckleberry instead of Anonymous, there was the sergeant dismissing the latter and insisting she concentrate on the former!
The Sergeant released Artemis from her wing just in front of the center cushion of the three-pony sofa, and waited with a gentle smile while the pegasus hesitantly took a seat. Ebonshield stepped over to the sideboard, filled a pair of cups from the water-jug, and set them on the coffee table before cozily curling up in the club chair herself. Still wearing the smile, she nodded and motioned for Artemis to begin.
The pegasus was still feeling too depressed and confused to know what to do.
"Uhm... Where... where should I start?"
The sergeant chuckled. "Why, at the beginning, of course! This 'Huckleberry Pudding,' he is your first and only lover, yes?"
The specialist nodded, her hooves in her lap and her shoulders rolled inwards.
"Y-yes..."
"And where did you meet this colt, then? Did he live always in your village?"
Nodding again, Artemis rubbed her hooves together awkwardly. "Uh-huh. We, uhm, attended classes together. In Miss Magnolia's one-room schoolhouse. He was two years older than me. He still is."
Eb rolled her eyes and nodded knowingly.
‘What does she read into that?’
"Ahh... And sometimes you played together also as children, yes?"
With a furrowed brow, Artemis nodded again. "Uh-huh."
Ebonshield licked her lips and paused before asking her next question. "And... when did you first see him as not just another child with which to play, hmm?"
‘Oh, rain-squalls…’
Sitting there and answering the sergeant's questions may wind up being more uncomfortable than sitting before Lieutenant Temper Violetta and explaining why she thought it appropriate to dance the Maypole with her VIP at the Grand Galloping Gala. But, at least here the Sergeant had her best interests at heart.
Artemis had to really think back to remember when she first saw Huckleberry as more than a school-room playmate. "Uhm... I think... I think it was the year after I had my last, uhm, 'growth spurt'..."
Swallowing, she tried to relax a bit.
It wasn’t easy.
"... Heh, momma said I turned from a little cumulus into a big cumulonimbus over the summer break." Artemis chuckled awkwardly. She really had said that. It was only a joke, but at the time, when Artemis was already one of the tallest ponies in the class, and by far the tallest pegasus, it made her feel like a real odd pony out.
"...I was kinda feeling awkward and big and a little bit strange, and I was getting teased by the other fillies who were my age but hadn't yet grown as I had, while the older mares thought I was too young & childish to play with them."
It was hard to remember that far back. Sucking in her lips, Artemis picked out the little strands that did come to mind, and gathered them together to form a coherent thread. "Huckleberry Pudding was the tallest & biggest earth pony in the class, and he was a bit picked on by the colts for it, too, and I guess I kinda... I kinda saw him as a sort of kindred spirit, you know? And I guess he did, too. We started sticking together more and more."
What happened after the school year, however, was more clear. "That summer, I barely left his flank. I did everything he did and went everywhere with him." Remembering a poignant moment at a late-summer festival, Artemis sighed. "It was for a whole sky full of reasons. I liked him, and he made me feel small again because he was even bigger, and he didn't mind me hanging around, and he was kind and gentle, and I liked helping him in the fields, and his family was nice, too, and I think I did it also just because it drove my mom and pop a bit crazy me wanting to be only with him and his kin for the whole season."
The second school-year together, however, was a step further. "...That fall, the second year, I learned how to let him go a bit, because I needed some time alone or in the sky to do my own things. But I still had him in my thoughts, even high up pushing the cirrus clouds around working on the weekends. And I think that's when I started to stick on him, too."
Artemis smiled as she remembered that year's Hearth's Warming. "He saved his bits and got me an awful big present for Hearth's Warming Day -- a camera, a 'Little Ludwig' number 2, model D..." Clasping her hooves together up in the air, she gushed a bit. "... Thirty-five millimeter film, integrated viewfinder and rangefinder, screw-thread interchangeable lenses, with thirty-five and one-hundred-and-five millimeter ones in the box. Oh, I must've taken a thousand photos a month with it, and I spent every last bit I had on film and development supplies."
He'd thoughtfully -- and bravely! -- asked her dad for a gift suggestion in September, she’d learned later. Knowing that Huck wasn't from a wealthy family (not that Artemis’ was particularly rich, either), her dad had made several cheaper suggestions. But her stubborn Puddin' had managed to scrape enough bits to get the latest model, with all the important accessories. There was a photograph of her and Huckleberry on his graduation day in her room. Artemis’ father took it, using her camera, after she’d taught him how. She developed the film and printed the photo herself. Huckleberry had a print of it as well, in a frame she bought for him.
That wasn't all that happened that year, though.
Still feeling the same exhilarated rush she felt when she first got her hooves on that camera, Artemis tried to relax a bit.
"... And that summer... After he'd graduated..."
She gulped.
"... On a hot, muggy July evening... after he'd been working the whole day cutting and bailing hay in the fields... and I'd been up in the sky pushing around clouds for bits and taking aerial photographs for fun..." Licking her lips, Artemis took another breath. "I saw him relaxing in the shade behind the barn, and swooped down to say hello."
It was getting a little difficult to stay focused. "... And... uhm... He was happy to see me, and I was happy to see him, and... uh..."
She stretched out her hind legs and swallowed again, breathing heavily. "... Uh... and..."
‘Jeepers, it's hot in here for May.’
Extending her wings, Artemis fanned herself a bit.
‘Ought to crack open the windows in the bedrooms and bathroom.’
"... aaaand... Uhm, he, uh, he-he leaned in close, and he, uhm, he kissed me, and uh, I kissed back, and I hugged him... and he hugged back... and... and..."
Somehow, just thinking about that hot, steamy, sweaty day had caused the weather to manifest there in the common room. And Artemis was feeling just as awkward and aroused as she did on that day four years ago.
"... And... And then... we took each others' virginity... With maybe a few, uhm... 'technical difficulties' along the way."
‘Whew.’
Artemis felt like a red-sun evening after an afternoon rainstorm. Worn out and kind of clammy. Sergeant Ebonshield had been sitting in the club chair the whole time, listening calmly, while the pegasus told the story of her first opposite-sex best-friend who turned into her crush who turned into her coltfriend who turned into her lover.
Feeling a bit spent from the ordeal, Artemis looked over and wondered what she was going to make of it all. "... Does that... answer your question, Sergeant?"
She nodded. "Oh, yes. It has given me a picture most clear of how your relationship began. And the next summer after this, when you yourself left school -- this is when you joined the Guardia Real?"
Artemis nodded. "Yes... I'd already been working part-time as a weather-pony in the AWACS, but I'd decided I wanted to do something more exciting. My dad had served a tour of duty in the Guard, and looked back on it fondly, so he supported me enlisting."
Looking away, the pegasus remembered some of the details of that process. A lot of evenings were spent poring over fliers, glossy brochures, testimonials, and contracts. There were a lot of stories told of glory days in the Royal Guard. And a lot of mom crying tears of worry and a little bit of dad crying tears of pride, too.
"I enlisted to become an armored scout because I was interested in it, and because there was a big bonus for pegasi -- they usually can't handle all the armor. But I had played offensive tackle in regional hoofball, the only pegasus on the fillies' team, and I won second place in the Hark County Aerial marathon the year I graduated and first place the year before, so I wasn't worried about bearing the weight or having to fly long distances."
Taking a deep breath, Artemis found herself able to relax again. Focusing on the job instead of her relationship problems did that to her. "And the Fourth Armored Regiment has its headquarters just outside Cloudsdale, which is so close to Berry that I could fly home every weekend in just a couple of hours, if I hurried and if the wind was favorable. And I did get home every weekend, to see my family and my Huckleberry, whenever we weren't out on campaign."
Ebonshield bent over out of her comfy curled-up position to pick up her cup of water, and took a sip. That made Artemis’ throat feel pretty dry, too, so she did the same. After a good long drink, she felt like she could finally relax a bit, so she slouched down a bit on the sofa, tucking her hind legs up behind her. For servants' quarters furniture, it was pretty comfy.
"What made you wish to join the VIP service instead of remaining in the 'First Pegasus,' which are so much closer to your home?"
That was an easy one to answer, at least.
"The Fourth Armored Regiment HQ is just outside Cloudsdale, but it's still in the clouds, which means that it's not very accommodating for Earth Ponies. If we were married..."
It hurt a bit to say that word, wondering if it would ever happen.
"... then we'd have access to a small on-base house, but there wouldn't be a lot of work for him there. He'd have to get a lift to Cloudsdale or back down to the ground for his job. And there aren't a lot of opportunities for laborer earth ponies in Cloudsdale that aren't hazardous or back-breaking. Even just being an earth pony in the city can be dangerous; the clouds aren't always solid underhoof."
She was pretty sure Huckleberry Pudding was afraid of heights, too, but at least his objections to avoiding Cloudsdale she could understand -- it was his avoidance of the pegasus’ second choice that really confused and upset her.
"Canterlot is a lot easier. After serving the required time in my original regiment, I thought that taking a posting here would let us live together for whole weeks at a time, instead of just visiting on the weekends. And although it's a bit further, it's only a temporary posting. He was supposed to come and find a job and get comfortable with the city. Then I could try to transfer permanently to one of the regiments based here. There are armored units in Canterlot, so it wouldn't be too hard. But it hasn't worked out..." Artemis trailed off, not sure where to take the story next. This is where the trouble really started.
The weekends back in Berry when she was in the First PD may have been inconsistently scheduled, and their contents unplanned and spontaneous, but they worked. It wasn't ideal, but she was happy. He seemed happy, too. This time, Artemis had come up with a plan for each of them and a way to satisfy all of their needs, or so she’d thought: hers, to stay in the Guard, a job which she genuinely enjoyed, and to be with her Puddin' at the same time. His, to have meaningful work in a safe, terrestrial environment and, she thought, to be with his 'Sparks.' He'd agreed to the scheme, too -- or, at least, never expressed any doubts. Surely not every mare had the same trouble with their own colt?
The pegasus looked over at the batpony Sergeant First Class twice her age. "Did you ever have a problem like this with your... with one of your colts?"
Sighing, Ebonshield glanced away. "Ah... No. I do not think so. But then again, for such relationships, there are great differences between those on the Moon and here in Equestria." Shaking her head, she continued. "Among the Rocks and the Dust, love of this kind is common, and among the Shadows even as well, but for the Stars and the Lunars, thought to be the finest examples of our race, love is more a matter of breeding."
Ebonshield shrugged her eyebrows. "I have had many mates, and I have even loved a few of them, and sometimes been loved in return, despite the brevity of our encounters. But for the rest -- we were performing only our duty to our Houses and to the Children of the Stars as a whole. I have no regrets as to the results, but neither do I endorse the practice."
‘That sounds horrible!’
Being ordered to mate with somepony -- somepony she maybe hadn't even met, or even heard about, and wouldn’t ever see again! Was her reason for going out at night to find young colts half her age some kind of rebellion, then? The same as when she defied her mother -- twice? Or maybe she was just trying to have something she couldn't have before?
"Is that why you do what you do, now? Go to Canterlot clubs to find young colts? To try and have a real relationship?"
Ebonshield laughed at Artemis’ suggestion. "Ohoho, no, no... 'Real' relationships, I should think, are built on strong foundations and take many months to construct." With a sly smile, she lifted her hind hooves up into the chair and turned sideways, curling herself up into a sort of ball, with her wings wrapped around her. "I am not completely past the age of physical breeding, but I am past the age where my House may demand my service, and anyways I have already given them plenty already. So, I am free to partner with whom I please."
Bobbing her head sideways, she chuckled again. "And as for my selections, I think that because I am trying to be a teacher in the School of the Shining Stellar Dance, then I should also strive to be a teacher of all other subjects in which I am learned and proficient." Giggling, she rolls her shoulders and re-wrapped herself in her wings. "Which includes those arts practiced in the bedroom. And who better to teach than the very inexperienced, that they find success later in life?"
‘She's picking up young colts just to teach them how to please mares in bed?’
‘L-lewd…’
Straining to keep her wings in check, Artemis took another drink from her cup, then returned the empty vessel to the coffee table.
"So what do you think I should do? About my Puddin'?"
Emptying her own cup, Ebonshield unfurled herself and placed it down next to hers. "Ah, what I think, Artemisa..."
With a smile, she got up and trotted over before sitting down beside her, taking the pegasus’ forehooves in hers. "... What I think is that your love for this colt has endured for several years now, and it will survive a few weeks or months apart. Do not become discouraged. Do not give up. And do not panic. You are a soldier; you know that the greatest menaces on the battlefield are not the blades and the hooves of the enemy, but the fear and the panic within one's own ranks."
That was true. During the Battle of Newstirrup bridge, Artemis was more afraid of what 'Joker' might do to her, than what he was actually able to do. And in the end, when she overcame that fear, she defeated him.
Releasing the pegasus’ hooves, Ebonshield looked her in the eyes, her muzzle directly in front of Artemis’ in her batpony fashion. "Therefore, prepare an apology and an explanation for the Engineer Royal, which you shall deliver tonight. And prepare also a letter to your querido saying that you shall not dance the dance of lovers without him, and that you wish very much for him to come to Canterlot, but otherwise you shall see him when your posting is complete, though your heart aches to say this."
Lifting an eyebrow, she spread one wing open and away from Artemis. "You have tried to reason with him, yes? And I wonder if you also have tried to cajole him, perhaps gently?"
She nodded. Reasoning was where she’d started. Cajoling was where she’d sort of arrived.
Although Glamerspear's suggestion that she deliberately broke up with Huckleberry was completely false, Honour's pointing out that ponies might take Artemis and Anonymous for a couple hadn't completely escaped her mind when she’d sent the letter. A part of her -- a mean, cruel, vengeful, part of her -- had wanted Huckleberry to read it that way, and to react accordingly. That, more than anything else, had made her feel especially guilty about the whole affair.
Artemis’ head drooped down with regret, but Sergeant Ebonshield brought her outstretched wing around and placed its tip against her down-turned chin, lifting her snout back up. "...What I wish for you to do, Artemisa, is try a new approach with your lover. I wish for you to try not for his mind, or for his jealousy, but instead to seize his loins..."
‘Uh…’
"... I propose that in this letter, you must also inflame his passions, his desires, his lust for you. For he does lust after you, does he not? And you him?"
Hesitantly, Artemis nodded her head.
Ebonshield licked her lips and continued. "This is the emotional center which you must attack; there, his defenses will be weak, and his shield will break. You understand what I mean, yes?"
‘I think I do…’
"I think so..."
Ebonshield narrowed her eyes, sensing correctly that Artemis actually didn't. "Chica. You will write to your lover a letter so provocative and salacious, so steamy with suggestion that the mail-ponies will have to deliver her with pliers lest she give them 'the little death' by her merest touch. ¿Comprende?"
‘L-lewd…’
Artemis nodded her head, wondering what she was about to get into.
Ebonshield smiled broadly. "... And I will help you with this, of course! The pillow-talk, you see, she is a speciality particular of mine."
‘Oh, my…’
Suggested interlude music: Salma Hayek - 'Siente Mi Amor', as featured in 'Once Upon a Time in Mexico' [2003]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ezI0h1ewJA
