Lily Glamerspear

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Somewhere, buried in this massive tome, were the answers Specialist Lily Glamerspear sought.

'De Magia Unicornis,’ the great-granddaddy of old books of unicorn magic, sat open before her on the card table. At first, she was reading it to try to bone up on her own skills and avoid a repeat of the massive case of manaburn that left her out of commission for a week. But now, she was also looking through it hoping to find some explanation for the batpony balladeer's strange abilities.

What sorcery had he used to conjure up those sand-creatures and animate them with such skill? And all without a horn, too!

Well, that last puzzle probably wouldn’t be solved in a book exclusively about unicorn magic, but you never know. The ancient Equestrian philosopher-poet who wrote it, Titus Wealthwisher, was pretty clever for a colt who lived before the invention of running water or mini-saddles, and it was also required reading at Canterlot's magical university, the Schola Magia. Not that Lily had a degree under her collar, but knowing that the thing had a serious pedigree helped to make her headache seem worth it.

She’d probably have less of a migraine if her sergeant, the batpony assassin Purity Ebonshield, wasn't pacing repeatedly back and forth across the living room, right in front of her. Wearing a long maroon bodycon maxi dress and clearly ready to make herself up to go out, Ebonshield was waiting for their tight-lipped Corporal Bound to finish whatever business she was up to in the washroom. And Honour had been in there for a long time, now. From what noises Lily had heard, it wasn't an 'overdosed on hayburgers in the chow hall' kind of stay, either.

Looking up from the archaic text, Lily watched as the dark purple batpony reached the far wall and turned around with a sigh. Finally, she gave up and stepped over towards the unicorn. "Do you suppose there may be a problem with the corporal?"

That was actually a little hard to tell. Lily looked over at the closed door; there were shower noises before, but now there was just the occasional sound of running water. Was Honour simply worn out and treating herself to a kind of mini-spa in there? She hadn't complained after waking up that afternoon, but sleeping during the daylight hours after that midnight shift in the Rookery had thrown everyone for a steeplechase. And even with heavy, royal-blue curtains, it was tough to make their bedrooms dark while the sun was out.

If it wasn't that, maybe driving the car had worn her out? Did she even like piloting that thing? The Royal Engineer seemed to always be putting her in the driver's seat.

Lily herself was still feeling a bit tired from her struggle to hit Sparkshower. But then again, she also got to ride a bit of a high after she did figure it out. With the Royal Engineer's help, of course.

Even if Honour was tired, though, what was she doing in the washroom?

Lily shrugged. "I dunno, Sarge. Why don't you knock and ask?"

Ebonshield rolled her eyes and glanced towards the mysterious portal. "I have done this last Thursday when the corporal was brooding in her room; I would prefer for it not to become habitual." Turning back to Lily, Ebonshield lowered her voice. "You do not know any secret reason why she may be preoccupied?"

The unicorn chuckled. "Heh, not unless she's planning on going out."

‘Now that'd be something!’

‘Fat chance, though.’

Ebonshield sighed. "Well. I suppose it will be no trouble if I am a little late."

Lily glanced at the clock; the sun was down, but it was only seven o'clock in the evening. Kind of early to be going out clubbing, but then again, it was also a Wednesday. Maybe she was going to a concert or something?

Glamerspear nodded at her. "Going to 'The Stables' again?"

Ebonshield stepped over and shook her head, her big back-combed mane waving left and right. "No... The young unicorn colt that I met two nights ago at 'Earthquake,' he has invited me to a private event at the university of magic, a 'Party of Brotherhood,' he called it."

‘A 'Party of Brotherhood'?’

‘At the univers--Ahhhhh.’

"Oh, a frat party..."

Figures she'd pick up a university colt at 'Earthquake.' Cheapest drinks in Canterlot's clubland -- perfect for broke students. And that place seemed to always be in the newspapers, getting fined or even raided for having failed to properly check everypony's ID before letting them in -- or serving them booze. The owners probably thought of it as free marketing for the thirsty and desperate.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "So your latest conquest is a frat-colt, huh? Which one is he from, Mu Lambda Pi? Phi Iota Mu? Those are two of the big ones at the Schola Magia, I think."

The batpony furrowed her brow. "He told me the Brotherhood in question was named 'Rho Gamma Mu.’"

‘She hooked up with a dork from ΡΓΜ?’

Lily couldn’t help but chuckle. "Hoo-boy, you got deep in with the nerdbros on that one. Hope you're ready for an evening of cheap beer, popped wizard collars, and arguments about 'HyperSpace HyperWars' or whatever else geeky crap they're into these days."

Ebonshield sidled up to her, looking pleased that she seemed to know about it. "My chico said that the event may be 'rowdy,' but that it would be fun and well-attended and, if I disagreed, that we could find entertainment elsewhere as well." She bobbed her head sideways, looking aimlessly around the room. "And as for the imbibing, I have a small box of the 'Maestro Cazador' which I will bring as a gift..."

Turning towards the specialist, she shoved her snout uncomfortably close. "... It is polite to bring a gift to an Equestrian party, no?"

Lily snorted. "You're bringing a case of that stiff batpony liquor to a frat party? They're going to love you for that. Just make sure they don't chug it down in a single gulp." Lifting a hoof, she shook it side to side hesitantly. "And later in the night, watch out for anyone getting a bit too hoofy-muzzley with their telekinesis. Most young ponies can't handle as much liquor as they think they can, and in a frat house full of cocksure unicorns they probably all think they can handle a whole lot."

Still keeping her nose right in front of the pink mare -- she’d regressed a bit back to those weird batpony manners of hers, it seemed, where getting up close was 'polite' -- Ebonshield nodded. "Do you think it is a mistake to attend? I do not wish to cause a disturbance."

Shrugging, Lily placed her forehooves down on the chair seat in front of her.

‘The second-in-charge of the batpony assassins, versus a bunch of nerdy young drunk frat unicorn colts?’

‘Yeah, right.’

"Nah, you'll be fine. Whatever a bunch of mostly-minors get up to on a school night in the Schola is gonna be nothing compared to the kind of 'buck-buck' games a company of bored-outta-their-brains guardsponies will manage to do in a barracks while waiting for weekend libo."

Suddenly suspicious, Lily leaned back and glanced down at Purity’s hind legs. The batpony caught her looking -- no surprise, with her face still right in front of the unicorn’s -- and she silently spread one of her hind legs out a bit to reveal that underneath the maxi dress, she was wearing one of her spring-loaded daggers.

"... I was gonna say you're maybe a bit overdressed in that, but I guess you've got a good reason to go long in the back." Chortling, Lily sat back up and shook her head. "I can't blame you for being prepared, but I really doubt you're gonna need to stab anypony."

Eb nodded and stood back up. "I likewise hope not."

Just then, there was the sound of a toilet flushing, and the washroom door opened. Both Lily and Eb turned to look.

Honour Bound stepped into the living room, wearing her red Royal Guard dress jacket with gold double-chevrons on her sleeves; the mark of a corporal. The fabric was in excellent condition, and all of the brass fittings appeared to be freshly-polished.

‘Is it uniform inspection day tomorrow or something?’

She was even wearing the white belt and tall calf-height black boots -- all she was missing to complete the formal outfit was the cap with its crisp chin-strap! But it was the lipstick and the eyeliner Honour was wearing that told Lily that something was definitely up.

Ebonshield likewise gave her a quick once over. "Good evening, Corporal. You are dressed well; is there an event tonight?"

There was a noticeable delay before Honour replied, and she looked embarrassed to be put on the spot. Clearly, she didn't expect the two of them to pay any attention to her when she stepped out.

"I'm... just going out to meet with a friend."

‘Oho, what's this?’

Lily couldn't resist a smirk. "A 'friend,' huh, Corporal?"

That got her some sharp cut-eye from the brown pony in the red suit, but she didn’t reply.

Instead, it was Eb who pressed the issue, with an amused grin on her face. "Ahh, yes... Would this perhaps be the same 'friend' who escorted you back here late at night on the Sunday?"

‘What in the buck?’

Did their batpony sergeant, who seemed to find a fresh colt to bonk every night -- except maybe tonight, when she was going back for seconds -- catch their earth-pony corporal in the act?

Honour's eyes briefly flashed wide open, then narrowed back down to slits as she furrowed her brow. "How did you... I'm not sure I want to know."

Purity smiled. "I heard your voices in the hallway. He sounded friendly."

‘Wait, was Eb waiting up in her room for Honour on Sunday night?’

‘And just how good is her hearing?!’

Lily vaguely recalled waking up and going to the washroom pretty late, and noticing that Honour's door was still open, and -- ‘guh!’

Suddenly, she remembered clearly -- too clearly. Eb was up in her room all right, but she sure wasn't alone in there.

‘Double-guh!’

The Corporal's brow furrowed up even more, but without prompting, Purity shrugged her shoulders and continued. "My little chico that night, you see, he was enthusiastic and noisy also, which are of course desirable qualities, but he was also strong-headed and eager to apply his own 'technique' which, I must admit, was not terribly satisfying." She giggled a little bit. "So as a result, I was somewhat easily distracted."

Honour looked as flabbergasted as Lily felt scandalized.

‘Really?’

‘This batpony just lays it all out there?’

No innuendo, and no shame; just pure, unfiltered and raw. She didn’t even have the excuse of having had a few drinks first! Lily shook her head and tried to put her nose back to her book.

'On The Spacing Of Horn Ridges And Their Effects Upon Magickal Abilities'

Eye-wateringly dry, but anything was better than hearing about the sexual misadventures of their forty-something-year-old batpony sergeant.

Honour wasn’t done, though. "How much did...?"

Eb stepped forward and headed for the washroom. "All of it, though you both said and did very little. It was what was left unsaid and undone which I found most interesting." With a sly smile, she stepped right inside and looked herself over in the mirror, still talking. "I fear I strained so much to hear what was going on outside that my pollito became aware of my loss of interest, and this soured his mood." Chuckling, she reared up and tossed her head back, then hunched over forward to attach her earrings. "...It was necessary to take some remedial actions before he was enthusiastic once more."

‘Sweet Celestia, I do not need to know these kinds of details!’

Why couldn't Lily have gotten a regular Sergeant First Class, a thirty-something who was old enough to know what was what, but not so old she felt she could say whatever the buck she wanted! Then it'd be kinda cool -- maybe -- to swap stories. But not somepony in their forties banging foals barely old enough to drink!

Exasperated, Honour stepped towards the center of the room, speaking to nopony in particular. "Look, he's just a friend, okay?"

‘Aha, the classic denial.’

Lily couldn’t help but snort with amusement as she tried to look busy reading about unicorn horn shapes. "Pfft, of course he is."

Appearing suddenly upset, Honour marched over to her and slapped a forehoof down on the table, looking the unicorn intensely in the eyes. "He's a friend. We're just meeting for some drinks in the canteen. There's nothing wrong with meeting a friend for some drinks in the canteen."

‘Now this is new.’

Whoever this colt was, he sure must be something to have her wound up like this.

Or maybe the wind-up was all her, just because it was a colt. Still, Lily didn’t want to get her so upset she’d have to run back into the washroom and redo the makeup around her eyes -- she’d taken long enough in there as it was already.

While the sergeant put the finishing touches on herself, the pink unicorn relaxed and glanced between Honour's hoof and her face. Then Lily nodded, slowly.

"Sure, whatever you say, Honour..."

As the corporal hardened her gaze, the specialist just tried to look innocent.

"... Have a good time tonight."

The hard stare melted away, replaced with a mix of regret and apprehension. With a heavy droop of her shoulders, she sidled up into one of the card-table chairs, staring down at angle, off towards something a thousand yards away.

Lily leaned across her book towards the corporal, lifting her eyebrows sympathetically.

"... First time going out with somepony in a while?"

Honour lifted her head up as if just realizing that Glamerspear was there, then nodded absentmindedly. "Two years... Not since the divorce..."

‘Oh, Celestia, I’ve heard this kind of story before.’

A fresh recruit, straight out of 'shoe camp, thinks they've hit the jackpot when they meet a nice young colt or mare at the off-base bar who's just looking to settle down and have some foals. In comes the marriage and out goes the guardspony, leaving the bucking chaos of the barracks for the quiet life of a cheap two-bedroom apartment paid for by the family housing allowance.

But ninety times out of a hundred, that thoroughbred in the stable turns into a 'dependaponymus,' and suddenly there's foals running around that the young private didn't realize they couldn't handle or afford. Suddenly life doesn't seem so easy or so fun, and the same goes for their partner. It's a struggle to keep it all together.

And those other ten times out of the hundred, things go sour even before that.

Since the corporal hadn't shown any indication of having kids, Lily guessed Honour fell into the latter category. And it must've done a real number on her if she came galloping all the way into the VIP corps, and staying in it so long that she was still sitting at corporal when she ought to be a sergeant.

Not a lot of room for promotions in here -- that's why Lily only planned to stay for half a year or so. It would only be a couple of assignments in total, but she had places to go and targets to shoot! This was just a fun distraction -- well, it should have been, if it weren't for how surprisingly busy the posting with Anonymous had turned out to be.

Pushing that to the back of her mind, Lily looked her world-weary corporal up and down. "You look good. Are you nervous?"

Honour shook her head, still facing away. "No... I just..." Sighing, she looked up at the unicorn. "... I just don't know what I'm doing with him."

‘That’s kinda weird, but not too crazy.’

‘Relationship-advice Specialist Lily Glamerspear to the rescue!’

"Well, what do you want to do with him?"

"I don't know."

‘Guh, okay…’

"Okay, so what about him? What does he want to do with you?"

"I don't know."

‘Sheesh!’

Lily couldn’t imagine how awkward this date -- and it was blindingly obvious that it was a date -- was going to be. Putting her thinking cap on, she tried to run through the colt's mind. That was easy; colts were always pretty easy to out-think, if one knew how they thought.

Which Lily did.

"This 'friend,' does he know about, y'know, how it didn't work out for you last time?"

Honour nodded. "Yes."

‘Aha, that explains it!’

"So there you go. He's playing it slow, 'cause he knows you had trouble before. You know the saying -- 'foals rush in.’"

Honour looked up, picking her back up a bit and sitting straight -- well, straighter. "I guess. I just... I miss..."

Lily knew what she was going to say before she stammered it out. "You miss being told at first glance that you're beautiful, that you're gorgeous, that you're the love of somepony's life."

The Corporal's eyes went wide with shock.

‘Puh!’

Did Honour really think that Lily didn't understand what happened to her? Just 'cause she’d taken a different road herself, didn’t mean she hadn't watched it happen to others -- and seen the carnage lying in the ditch as she rolled by. Lifting one eyebrow, the unicorn laid it all out for her.

"That's just the card the fast colts play on every mare, and believe me, Corporal, I know how seductive it can be -- especially if you aren't used to it." Lily shrugged and shook her head. "You're not the first pony to fall into that trap. But just because a colt isn't free with the compliments doesn't mean he's not interested. He just can't -- or won't -- lay the charm on thick, not like the pick-up artists at the bar or club."

Nodding, Honour put a hoof up on the table. "I guess so..."

It seemed she was still in a funk, so the specialist-cum-relationship counselor continued. "If you want things to go faster, then make a move, mare! You don't gotta leave it all up to him, ya know!"

"I know, I just... I don't know if I'm ready to."

Lilly spread her forehooves wide. "Okay, then don't! But then there's no reason to be upset about it. He's okay with playing it slow, you're okay with playing it slow -- so play it slow together! No problem! Have a nice night out and don't think about the 'greater meaning' or anything like that. Go have some drinks with your colt-friend -- or your colt 'friend,' however you want to put it -- and have a good time."

For the first time, Lily saw a smile grow on the corporal’s face. It wasn’t much of a smile, but it was there, at least.

‘Sure is a lot of work cheering up this mare, though!’

"Yeah... Thanks, Glamerspear."

The two of them exchanged smiles as Honour got up to head out, and then Lily suddenly realized what the corporal was wearing. And that's when she cleared her throat.

"Ahem. Corporal, about the outfit, though...?"

Honour looked at Lily over her shoulder. "I thought you just said I looked good?"

The unicorn grinned. "Good for a date in the canteen, sure. But for the Grand Galloping Gala, ehhhh..." Squinting, Lily shook her head. "Put a helmet on and grab a spear, and you'll look like every on-duty guardspony there. Don't you have something else?"

Honour’s mood started to sour again, but before she could complain, Lily ran right over her. "I know you don't want to make a big deal out of it, and that's fine. But just listen: I saw a bunch of nice stuff for pretty cheap when I was out with Sparks on Sunday. Come out with me tomorrow -- it won't even take half a day! -- and I'll get you into something a little more presentable for only a few bits."

Pleading, Lily raised her forehooves, trotting over any possible objections. "We're going to be there with the Royal Engineer, for Celestia's sake, and he's dressing to the nines! The least we can do to thank him for the tickets is to look good with him when we walk in and get announced, ya know? But we gotta hurry, 'cause stock is selling out fast! Things'll be on clearance soon, and then they'll really fly out of the paddocks."

Honour swallowed, her red-painted lips sucking inwards, but then she nodded. "All right. Tomorrow morning -- if somepony agrees to cover your shift."

‘Great!’

Lily immediately hollered towards the washroom. "Hey, Sarge! Since I told you all about frat parties, could you do me a favor and take my shift in the morning? I gotta take Honour to get a dress for the Gala! You shouldn't be too worn out unless you let one of those nerds try to explain the HyperSpace HyperWars rules to ya!"

The sergeant first class poked her now-made-up head out. "Oh, of course! You two should go out and find something elegant for the Corporal Bound! It will be no trouble at all; I will make sure not to be out so late that I will be sleepy tomorrow."

‘Perfect!’

Lily and Honour exchanged some thank-yous with Eb, which she returned with a half-hearted nod of acknowledgement before heading out to meet her mysterious gentlecolt.

'Now, if I could just wrap my horn around this damn book…'

As Lily flipped the page, the pink mare propped one elbow up on the table and slumped her head into the same limb's forehoof.

'Another boring night as the on-call backup.'

She wondered if Mailedhoof would drop her a card tomorrow. His family was probably heading out to the country estate in the morning; prime opportunity for some more quality time with her current salt-lick. With thoughts of another fun evening with the captain on the unicorn’s mind, she absently flipped over another page.

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