Everyday Life With Guardsmares
Chapter 58
Previous Chapter Next ChapterHonour Bound
Recommended background music: Kris Maddigan - 'Carnival Kerfuffle', from 'Cuphead'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XORwfYUH23Y
Corporal Honour Bound was having a ‘perfectly ordinary’ -- ‘Oh, buck!’
"LEFT!"
Pushing hard on the tiller, Honour was jostled over rightwards up against the Royal Engineer's flank as the carriage, under her amateur control, swerved to avoid a hapless pony who stepped out into the path without looking. The shocked pedestrian jumped back as she navigated around him, then stared dumbfounded as the ponyless carriage carried on with little more than the quiet 'pffsht-pffsht' burble of its steam engine.
Twisting in his seat, Anonymous turned around and lifted his hat to apologize to the awestruck pony. “Terribly sorry, sir!"
Meanwhile, Honour struggled to get the wheels pointed straight again and back on the palace grounds' main pathway. It was quite an effort for her, and she was sweating in fear of the thought that another pony would jump out, but the Royal Engineer didn’t seem to be fazed even in the slightest.
"Ha-ha! Did you see the look on his face? There's going to be a lot more the day we take this into town!"
Honour hoped that day was far, far off.
"Yes, sir."
Her curt answer prompted a closer investigation, and the Royal Engineer looked down at her, seeing her death-grip on the steering bar.
"Steady on, Corporal. You're doing just fine."
"Could have fooled me, sir."
She really, really, really wanted to wipe the sweat accumulating at her brow, but she was worried that if she took her hooves off the tiller for even one second, she’d wind up crashing the Royal Engineer's brand new 'steam car.'
"Here, just keep it straight, and I'll slow us down a bit."
Anonymous placed his left hand on top of her hoof, then reached down and twisted the main steam valve a quarter-turn clockwise. There was no lurch as when a pony-pulled carriage slowed down, or even when the magical Friendship Express train put on its brakes, but rather a smooth deceleration from a hasty gallop, down to a much more manageable trot.
Gradually, Honour felt herself able to relax a bit. It helped that they were on the broad, packed-dirt avenue that led from the palace to the military barracks. As she came back to her senses, the road felt wider than it did before, and the poplar trees less threateningly close than they had seemed just a few moments ago. Honour sighed, and with Anonymous' hand still steadying her hooves on the tiller, she took a moment to wipe her brow.
It really was amazing how a few bits of machinery powered by little more than lamp oil and water could propel this tiny, modified four-wheeled dogcart along at fantastic speeds with barely any noise at all. If it was her that had stepped out into the road just then, she would’ve probably been just as dumbstruck.
"You holding up there, Corporal?"
She nodded. "Yes, sir. It's just all a bit much to take in at once -- the speed and the controls, I mean."
As she replaced her second hoof on the tiller, Anonymous leaned over and patted it with his other hand. "Well, for your first time driving, I'd say you're doing extremely well. Here, we're on a nice, wide, straightaway again, far away from any pedestrians, so how about I open up the tap?"
More speed was something she could probably do without.
"Uhm..."
"You'll be fine. I'll keep my hand here on the tiller too, just in case."
"O-Okay."
Bending forward, he gave a healthy double turn counter-clockwise to the main valve. Immediately, she felt pressed back against the seat as the carriage pulled forward. The Royal Engineer actually had to grip the brim of his top hat as they picked up speed.
"Ha-haa!"
As the carriage's spring suspension worked overtime to smooth out every little bump and crook in the road, Honour firmed up her grip on the controls. She had to admit, though, as terrifying as it was to be responsible for steering this crazed engine, at least she was just a few hooves above the ground. And, to be honest, it wasn’t really going that fast. Almost any pegasus could fly faster than this.
Heck, a few speedy earth ponies could probably gallop faster than this.
The difference was, though, by Anonymous' estimates, his 'automobile' could keep up this pace for three or four hours before needing a refill. The pegasus would need a rest after just one -- and the earth pony would only be able to sprint for short distances at such a speed.
Taking a deep breath, Honour felt herself able to relax in spite of the velocity, and she started to understand the Royal Engineer's elation.
The wind in her fur.
A certain thrill of speed.
She even dared - just for a moment - to look left and watch the trees, lawns, and gardens go whizzing by. But she still couldn’t fathom why, after spending just a few short minutes driving it himself, he stopped the car and ordered her to take the helm.
Maybe he'd be more forthcoming now that she’d negotiated her way around a few corners?
Turning forward again, Honour saw Anonymous looking down at her, still holding her hooves. "See? Not so bad after all?"
She forced out a thin smile. "I suppose so, sir. But why have me test drive? You should be sitting in front of the controls; you built this, after all."
Letting go of her hoof, and still clutching his hat, he leaned back and stretched out his legs. "Corporal, I'm not interested in building a car that only I can drive. I need to build a car that ponies can drive." With a grin, he looked over at her. “I do apologize for putting you on the spot, but I figured a slow-speed trial by fire would be the best teacher. Learning to pilot an automobile is more about feeling and experience than it is about rules and lessons. You have to drive until you get to where the carriage is merely an extension of your own body."
"Sounds a bit like learning to skate."
He nodded. "It's exactly the same idea. Why don't you try weaving the wheels left and right while we're on this easy straight section here?"
That sounded like a terrible idea. The expression on her face must have made that clear to him, as he placed one reassuring hand on top of her hooves again.
"Just do it gently and smoothly, and everything will be fine."
Taking a deep breath, she did as she was told, gently swinging the tiller left and right. Sure enough, the carriage threaded back and forth along the road, like a skier slaloming down a mountain. Better yet, it seemed to do so with no difficulty.
Maybe this wasn’t so hard after all.
"I think I'm getting the hang of it."
"Good, because we're coming to the end of the main thoroughfare. You'll want to navigate around the fountain and send us back the way we came."
The small fountain at the far end of the gardens loomed ahead of them, growing closer and closer by the second. It was true that the road around it was still pretty wide, and the carriage seemed able to turn easily enough, but Honour was not so sure...
"At this speed, sir?"
"Sure. Start from the outside rim, aim to just barely clip the fountain halfway around, then swing back to the outside. If you can hit the apex we'll rocket back onto the main road like a racer."
She gulped.
There was a crossroad right in front of the fountain, but the main path didn’t broaden to match, which was going to make getting to the outside of the circle difficult.
“Oh, and clip the grass on the way in and out -- nopony'll mind a little out-of-bounds driving for this first outing."
Somehow, she just knew he was going to say that.
"Just don't try to steer while we're off the road, or we could flip."
‘Well, that's reassuring.’
"Oh, and if you feel that we're sliding instead of turning, point the wheels in the direction of the slide to regain control."
‘You have to do what now?’
"Sir?"
He seemed to realize that he was giving a bit too much to take in all at once. "Don't worry about it. I'll guide you if it happens."
And so, with the Royal Engineer's hand reassuringly on top of her hooves, she aimed for the right outside edge of the fountain circle and twisted the tiller slightly to the left, pointing the wheels right.
She felt him tap a finger on her hoof. "A little less, and you're there."
With just seconds before the wheels left the dirt road, she inched the controls a tiny bit back towards center, and the carriage plowed straight through the freshly-mowed sod with barely a jostle up top. As soon as the front wheels touched the dirt again, she tried to swing the tiller right again, only to find Anonymous' hand holding it in place.
"... Steady... Okay, smoothly now!"
The little pffsht-pffsht-pffsht carriage barreled towards a hedge lining the outside of the road, and Honour firmly, but progressively, swung the tiller to the right. Amazingly, the wheels responded perfectly, and the nimble little dogcart's nose pointed back towards the fountain.
But something was not right...
The back wheels were slipping!
The front wheels were stopping!
Despite turning, they were still headed for the bushes!
"Right! Turn into the slide!"
Honour swung the tiller left and tried to get the wheels pointing in the direction that the carriage was actually going. She looked right, and the hedge -- and the stairs up to the barracks ground -- careened dangerously close. But she felt the front wheels bite into the looser soil, and they started spinning again.
"There's your grip! Bring it left!"
Against the muckier earth there, she struggled to push the tiller right again, but it eventually came -- and the carriage swung around the circle, passing the midway point.
"Alright, let it swing outside!"
Honour kept the tiller to the right, then turned her head to the right to gauge the hedge.
Instantly, the Royal Engineer shouted at her. “Eyes ahead!"
"But then--"
“Look where you want to go!"
‘This is ridiculous!’
As the carriage came careening out of the circle, Honour was forced to just glance right to make sure she didn’t leave the road. Somehow, it all worked, and they cleared the circle with just a little unsteady sway in the rear wheels.
"There you are! Back on the avenue!"
Incredulous that these bizarre, counterintuitive instructions somehow managed to get her around the corner safely, she straightened the tiller again, and after a healthy hop as the car jumped up from the fresh grass onto the raised roadway, she inched it left and then straight again. Miraculously, they were back on the wide main road, driving down it straight and true.
The Royal Engineer released his hand from her hooves on the tiller, and slapped it against his knee. “Outstanding, Corporal! Power-sliding a live-axle steam carriage! We'll make a rallycross champion out of you in no time!"
She had no idea what that was, but it sounded like a compliment. She had to admit, the excitement of that stunt had her heart beating furiously -- in a good way.
"Thank you, sir!"
"How do you feel about being Equestria's first pony car-driver now?"
She nodded her head and actually managed a genuine smile. "I'm honored, sir."
The Royal Engineer grinned. "Hah! I thought you were 'Honour,' Corporal!"
She hadn’t heard anyone make that lame old joke since 'shoe camp and high school. Somehow, it made her chuckle now. "Heh. Call me whatever you like, sir, as long as you don't make me go around the fountain again at that speed."
Anonymous' eyes lit up. "At this speed? No, next time we'll take it even faster!"
‘Oh, Celestia.’
"Faster?!"
"Of course! What's the point of life if you don't challenge yourself?"
Honour sighed and shook her head.
‘This mad, brilliant maniac of a colt.’
So much for her boring Sunday supervising wrench-jockeys in the garage. That task had lasted all morning, sure, but she’d barely gotten some lunch in her when he’d pulled her out here for this!
"At least let me practice some more at slow speeds first, sir."
Anonymous smiled and pulled off his hat. "Sure! How about you start with parking us back in the garage?"
She recalled just how cramped it was in there. Anonymous even had her guide him out on hoof! Not to mention how narrow the roadway was to get there...
"Uhm..."
"Had enough for one day, have you?"
She nodded. "Yes, sir."
"Alright, let's switch places, then."
‘What?’
"While we're driving, sir?"
Without even waiting for her, he clambered up on top of the box behind the seats, standing above the corporal. "Come on, 'Honoured,' move over!"
Desperate not to let go of the tiller, she scooched over to the far side, keeping one hoof on it. Making it look effortless, Anonymous stepped over her and sat down in the driver's seat, placing his hand on top of her hoof.
"There we are! Haha!" His laughter was infectious, and she found herself giggling along with him.
“Now, let's park this crate and see what kind of damage we've done to it!"
‘Damage?!’
"Damage, sir?"
He looked as chipper as ever. "Sure! I've got enough parts for three more I want to put together, but let's see how the basic design held up under pressure."
Smiling, he reached down in front of Honour’s legs and twisted the main valve clockwise twice. She could feel the carriage noticeably start to slow down. After he almost effortlessly made the quick left and then right turn required to head over to the garage, he continued talking.
"I want to get this thing cleaned off and inspected before dinner. Then I can work on any design revisions for the coach-builders this evening."
"Yes, sir."
Another blind corner, and, giving a quick double-squeeze of the rubber horn, he snapped the carriage around it.
‘How does he make it look so easy?’
Well, he already gave her the answer.
Practice.
As part of her was still trembling from the terrifying excitement of that high-speed fountain circle, another part of her was genuinely looking forward to trying it again. But that was business for another day.
‘And what a day it'll be!’
‘...Huh, that's funny.’
Earlier in the assignment, Glamerspear was trying to scam Sparkshower out of a spot at Anonymous' side at the Gala.
And now here she was pining for another 'ordinary,’ 'boring' day with nopony but her VIP.
Suggested viewing: MyClassicCarTV - Jay Leno's 1909 Stanley Steamer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgH88xrYdE4
