Everyday Life With Guardsmares
Chapter 39
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There was a mighty crash of glass and metal, and with that blood-curdling scream ringing in her ears, Isabelle Coquette awoke with a start.
‘What just happened!?’
Gasping, she frantically looked around, finding herself in a well-lit, carpeted indoor corridor.
Wait, was that music she heard?
She turned around and looked behind her. A small, dark red curtain separated her from the sound, and she hesitantly poked her snout into it.
‘What in Tartarus? This is the West Side Theatre!’
And it seemed to be intermission time, because the music was still going, yet everypony was getting out of their seats, a din of conversation hovering over the hall.
Suggested background music: Andrew Lloyd Webber - 'Entr'acte', from 'Phantom of the Opera' [1986]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bom174H_LuA
Isabelle was standing in the corridor outside a private box seat, and in front of her sat Galloway Bitsmount, her employer, and Phillip Songwell, foremost teamster of Bitsmount silver mine, looking just as shocked as she was.
Bitsmount leapt from his seat, snapping to his hooves. "What in blazes?!..."
Spinning around abruptly, he spotted Isabelle peeking in through the curtain. "... Coquette! How'd we get here?!"
She drew the curtain open. "Mister Bitsmount, sir, I'm sorry, but I have absolutely no idea. I just came-to in the hallway."
Bitsmount was left sputtering, turning rapidly between Isabelle and Phillip Songwell, who was just coming to, pulling off his bowler hat and rubbing his head.
"Songwell! Tell me you remember something!"
But the old colt just shook his head. "All I remember, sir, is meeting that gentlecolt for business. After that, it's all a blur -- though I recall a banging noise of sorts..."
"Damn!" With an exasperated sigh, her boss straightened his jacket and put on his top hat.
"I, too, remember meeting the colt, 'Isfet,' and making the d-- Goodness gracious, pray I still have them!"
Desperately, he dug around in his jacket pockets. "Ah, we have Cerberus' own luck! I've still got the vials, Songwell!"
Holding up the two tiny magic potions, Bitsmount started to smile. "This must all be the work of our 'friends,' I think. You don't run an organization like that without taking a few precautions."
Glancing back towards the theater, he nodded to himself, grinning. "Clever of them to drop us here in a box, where anypony can see! I wouldn't be surprised if they had magical images of us here the whole time; a matinée performance in a publicly visible box seat -- excellent alibi!"
Turning to her and Songwell, Bitsmount clopped his forehooves together. "... Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go!"
Too bad; Isabelle was kind of hoping to have a chance to hear the second act.
Oh well. Bitsmount wasn't big on theatrical shows.
With a satisfied smirk, her employer hustled herself and Songwell out of the theater, cackling with glee about how the court appearance on Friday was going to go his way. Isabelle was not quite so sure. Dealing with sorcerers who can foil the Princess' powers, project images, wipe memories, and teleport ponies? No good could possibly come of this.
Rubbing at her neck, which was strangely sore, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something truly menacing lay behind what little she remembered of their professional front. And what kind of a name was 'Isfet,' anyways? It certainly wasn't Prench.
One thing was sure; after her shift was over, she was definitely going to need a drink.
Lily Glamerspear
Specialist Lily Glamerspear was not drunk.
Happy? Yes.
Buzzed? Sure.
Tipsy? ...Maybe.
Certainly not drunk, though.
It was kind of hard to tell, what with the way the room seemed to be bouncing up and down. Wait, no, that was just Sparkshower in her chair.
"Sparks, knock it off, you're making me dizzy."
Stopping, she looked up with a dopey grin. "Sorry. This is, uh..." Sparkshower emitted a loud burp, and promptly clapped her forehooves to her snout, turning bright red.
After suffering a few seconds of embarrassment, she lowered her hooves. "... Um... I was going to say, this is pretty strong stuff."
Lily started to chuckle. What a lightweight. Couldn't she handle a few shots? They’d only been at this for an hour, now.
Corporal Bound, the party-pooper, had shut down all Anonymous-related conversation after her spit-take, insisting on a change of topics. Well, bully to her.
But when lunch was over and the corporal had gone back downstairs for the rest of her shift, after insisting that three of them should conduct exercises to Sergeant Ebonshield's satisfaction, she wound up coming right back up before Lily had even gotten her armor on. Apparently, the Royal Engineer had asked her how things were going, and when she said that they were all getting along well, he dismissed her for the rest of the day, saying to keep at it instead.
That was four hours ago.
And somehow, Lily and Sparkshower had managed to convince Corporal Bound that the actual best team-building exercise wouldn't involve going for a gallop in broad daylight with somepony who wasn't even supposed to exist. So instead, outside of a few brief shopping expeditions, they had all mostly been hanging about in their quarters, swapping stories -- mostly about stupid nonsense, so far. 'Shoe camp, life in Canterlot, things like that. Things that didn't really offend anypony, and went well with booze.
On Lily’s left, Ebonshield giggled. "'Maestro Cazador' is a strong alcohol. We usually only drink a little as an after-supper digestivo. But I think that Specialist Glamerspear here has discovered a few combinations with some potential."
‘Right you are, sarge!’ Lily didn't exactly have a full bar's worth of supplies spread out on the card-table, but after she’d tried a sip of the moon-brewed liqueur -- served chilled, in a frosted glass -- she’d insisted on running out and grabbing some quick sundries to try mixing up some drinks.
A growler of 'Dragoon' Pale Ale, a jug of Baltimare orange juice, a liter of Grand Mare'ner orange liqueur, a magnum of Ambler's Tonic Water, a bottle of Griffinstone Gin, and a few other miscellaneous liquors that were worth trying but didn't quite work out. And, of course, the essential additions: a measuring set and stir spoon, a drink shaker, a bucket of ice, and a bag of lemons for zest.
It was all on Lily’s dime, but she didn't mind. What else was she going to do with a pair of clamps on her horn anyway? Physical training was pointless since she couldn't do the one thing she was supposed to do -- shoot down airborne targets. The chance to discover a new drink combination was all she had to look forward to until the fetters came off.
"Okay, fillies, here's the next one..."
Lily smiled confidently at her latest concoction, but this one was almost a little embarrassing, given the added ingredient. The 'Maestro Cazador' was very bitter, so it should mix well with something that was syrupy and sweet. Well, it might be cheap and low-brow, but what guardspony hadn't chugged a few cans of 'Ripper' while out in the field? She obviously couldn’t shake the mix up, so Lily cracked open the soda pop and poured it into the mixing glass on top of the 'Cazador' already in there. The ratio was about three-to-one; she was just guessing, so it could wind up being too sweet or too bitter. With a quick stir using the long-handled, thin drink spoon, she picked up the measuring cup and then poured it out in the four drinking glasses, each already preloaded with a pair of ice cubes.
All eyes were on Lily as she was forced to use her hooves for this. Under normal circumstances, no unicorn bartender would condescend to that level, but with her horn under lock and key, that's where she was at.
She finished pouring the drink, noting that it all seemed to have ended up in their glasses. Not bad, she didn't spill anything! She quickly grabbed a knife and lemon, shaving a twist of zest into each glass.
"Order up!"
Lily glanced around the table as everypony reached over to grab their cup. Specialist Sparkshower leaned over and shut her eyes as she sniffed at the drink, then dipped a tongue in for a quick taste. She almost looked afraid to drink any more. Corporal Bound picked hers up and looked at it from underneath, as if to inspect the coloring. But she didn’t drink, waiting for somepony else to try it first. Sergeant Ebonshield -- or 'Eb,' now, as she asked to be called in casual company -- casually lifted the glass and took a mouthful, savoring it in her mouth for a few seconds before swallowing.
She nodded and pronounced judgement before taking another sip. "Very sweet. I do not think that I would like this 'Ripper' drink on his own. But he mixes well with her -- they make a good couple together."
That gave Sparkshower the excuse she needed to try it, at first slowly and hesitantly, then quickly knocking back half the glass. Bringing it back down again, she licked her lips. "I like it!"
With a sigh, Corporal Bound, sitting across the card-table from Lily, picked up her drink, giving it a quick sniff. Then she downed the whole glass in one gulp, almost slamming it back down on the table when she was done. The mare in charge of their quaternion wiped her mouth with the back of her forehoof. Frowning, probably more from the chill of the drink than the stiffness of the alcohol, she gave Lily a nod. "It's not for me, but I can see 'shoes sucking these down by the gallon on libo."
That was about the best praise she was going to get from her stern corporal. With that, Lily tasted the final product herself. It was as she imagined it would be; sweet and bubbly, but with the rich, spice flavors of the liqueur mixed in. And, of course, the sledgehammer of its alcohol was almost completely masked by the sweet soda.
Yeah, this would get somepony real drunk, real fast. It was gonna be all the rage at the barracks as soon as they figured it out.
Lily picked up the bottle, now emptied of its delicious contents, and took a closer look at what it was that the four had collectively polished off. On the funny rectangular bottle's label, the words 'Maestro Cazador' appear beneath the drink's logo: a dragon's head, facing forwards, its two horns framing a crescent moon above it.
'Master hunter,' indeed. That's what Eb said the name meant. Well, you'd have to be, to go after a dragon!
Taking another drink, Lily put the empty bottle back down. "Nice. I wonder if we can get around DADT to start seeing this in night-clubs?"
Honour scoffed loudly.
Finishing the glass, Lily placed it back down on the table and grinned at the corporal. "What? You heard Princess Luna. She wants help integrating batponies into Equestrian society." She gestured at Eb. "Wouldn't showing off what they've accomplished in the last thousand years -- er, besides preparing to follow Nightmare Moon in the conquest of Equestria -- help with that?"
Turning to her Sergeant -- both of her -- Lily smiled and gestured with one hoof. "Back me up here, Sarge." Lily shook her head and blinked her eyes, and the twin images coalesced back into one.
‘Damn, this stuff hits hard without notice.’
Eb had her leathery wings hanging surprisingly loose, and she let out a yawn as she stretched back in the chair. "That is one idea, I suppose. I am sure there would be some confusion about the label, though..."
She pointed a hoof at the bottom, where it said 'Elaborado y embotellado por la Casa de Dagas Ciegas'. Whatever that meant.
"... This is 'Produced and bottled by the House of Blind Daggers.'"
As Eb pointed out the words, she accidentally tipped the empty bottle over towards Lily. The unicorn chuckled as she reached over to pick it up. "So? Spread the word around of what it means. Ponies will love that, having a little secret to learn about it. Plus, the translation makes it sound badass."
Lily’s head filled with images of hip, young colts and mares enjoying the new drink. What to call it, though? 'Ripper' and 'Master Hunter,' hmmm…
Her train of thought was interrupted by Corporal Bound. "What's the 'House of Blind Daggers,' Sergeant?"
Lily shook her head. Of course she was trying to dig into life on the Moon. As if that mattered! Ebonshield was in Equestria, now. Let Luna deal with the ponies still hanging out up there.
But her Sergeant humored Honour Bound’s pointless question. "The House of Blind Daggers is one of the Great Houses of the Children of the Stars -- one of the feuding realms on the Moon. They control the cities in the Mar de Vapores -- the Sea of Vapors."
‘Sea? On the Moon?’
Sparkshower asked it first. "There's seas on the Moon?"
Ebonshield shook her head immediately. "No. This is an ancient name; before anypony had even gone to the Moon, they thought that the dark areas must be seas or oceans. But they merely have more iron in the soil, which is better for growing things, and for mining. So, most batponies live in and underneath the areas we still call 'seas,' 'lakes,' and such."
Lily was still trying to think of a good drink name, when the Corporal continued that boring talk about the Moon. "I still can't believe anypony really lives up there."
With all that liquor in her, Lily was not in the mood for a history lesson -- or worse, a solar-system travel guide.
"I still can't believe Sergeant Ebonshield here propositioned the Royal Engineer."
Sparkshower choked a little on her drink, being the lone straggler who hadn't yet finished her cocktail.
The Corporal instantly rolled her eyes and started to lay into her. "Glamerspear, for Celestia's sakes, I told you--"
Ebonshield leaned forward and interrupted her. "Actually, this is something I wished to discuss..."
That stopped the Corporal in her tracks. With her forehooves planted on the chair, Lily’s Sergeant leaned forward even more, showing off quite a lot of tuft on her slim body.
Not that Lily was intimidated or anything.
"Is the provision of such hospitality not the custom in Equestria?"
‘Wow, how old is this mare? She really is old-fashioned.’
Sparkshower was wide-eyed, and Lily snickered, leaving it up to the Corporal to answer. "No, Sergeant, it isn't. Not for a long while, now..."
Honour trailed off, so Lily noisily cleared her throat.
‘At least be honest with the alien batpony mare!’
Sighing, Honour continued on. "Which is not to say that it doesn't happen. But it's not the standard, certainly not in the Royal Guard." Lily’s corporal shrugged her shoulders. "In private service, things can be different. There can be expectations, and mercenary guardsponies of both sexes do have to be careful."
Ebonshield nodded her head, her shoulders still gathered forwards like a little foal -- or like a real mare trying to squeeze her tuft together to make it stand out.
She's got the moves, all right. No wonder she didn't have any trouble picking up a colt at the club, despite the wings and the accent. Then again, some colts might think the accent was exotic and sexy. If they could even hear her over the music. Heh, body language sure goes a long way in a place like that.
Lily lifted an eyebrow and leaned over towards Ebonshield. "So, how'd it go down, anyways? Stick out your tuft? Brush your shoulder up against his leg? Get him to 'accidentally' bump into your plot?"
Eb giggled like a schoolfilly.
‘Wow, is this her nightclub act?’
"Oh, no, nothing like this. Since I assumed he knew about this guard's duty, I simply asked him outright if he had selected one of us to bed."
‘There go Sparkshower's wings.’
And Corporal Bound had her head in her forehooves. Lily was tempted to join her.
"Geez, you don't waste time."
She shrugged her shoulders and leaned back in her chair. "Not when I think that the colt knows what they are doing, no. Why play games?"
Lily grinned. "Because games are fun, you silly Sergeant! Which gives me a great idea, actually..."
Quickly, she cleared her mixers out of the way, making room in the center of the table. The bottle of 'Maestro Cazador' was empty, anyways; no more mixing for now, unless Eb went and grabbed another one from the batpony barracks under the mountain.
"Since we're all feeling a bit 'happy' now, and since we're supposed to be, y'know, 'building camaraderie,' how about we make a game of it?"
She placed the empty bottle on its back at the center of the table and gave it a quick tap.
It spun in place.
‘Perfect.’
"I say we spin the bottle and play a little 'truth or dare'."
Suggested interlude music: Ian Carey featuring Mandy Ventrice - 'Let Loose', Brad Holland mix [2011]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNUeUVZwbe0
