Everyday Life With Guardsmares
Chapter 22
Previous Chapter Next ChapterLily Glamerspear
So help her Celestia, if that blood-sucking abomination placed even one hoof wrong, Specialist Glamerspear was going to do to her what she did to Valiant Kilfeather two days ago. Even if she mana-burned so hard that the effort made her vomit, gave her seizures, and put her into a coma, it would be worth it to reduce her to a fine purée...
... or ash. Did batponies turn to ash when they were killed?
She’d soon be finding out!
Gritting her teeth, Lily wished she could have her shield up and a magazine of telekinetic spears ready to fly. But Lieutenant Violetta was walking with them, and she expected Lily to play nice with the beast. Friends with a mutant creature of the night; yeah, right!
And 'Sergeant' Ebonshield was just walking casually alongside them, as if she had every right to parade her filth around Canterlot Palace. Well, she was about to get a rude awakening. If Anonymous’ ability to serve as her spotter during the duel with Kilfeather was any indication, the Royal Engineer of Equestria had a keen eye. He'd pierce through that civilized facade she wore and see the beast within.
Then she'd be kicked out of the quaternion. And straight into a dungeon cell.
Secure in the knowledge that the foul creature beside her would be banished in short order, Lily’s angry stare mollified into more of a smug eyeballing.
Reaching the Royal Engineer's chamber door, Temper Violetta paused for a moment to make sure Lily and the 'Sergeant' were still with her, then reached up and knocked.
"Come in."
Pushing open the door, the lieutenant didn’t instruct the batpony to wait outside this time. "Good morning, sir. I'm here with a 'delivery,' of sorts."
"Oh, good morning, Lieutenant Violetta."
Focused on the 'Sergeant,' Lily only barely registered that Anonymous was sitting in one of the club chairs, reading the newspaper while facing the door. She barely even looked in his direction as she gave a salute and took up position beside the door.
"Specialist Glamerspear reporting for duty, sir!"
Anonymous nodded in her direction. "Good morning, Specialist."
Sergeant Ebonshield walked in past her.
‘Perfect, her back's exposed.’
Lily made sure to position herself so as to keep Anonymous out of the line of fire. But Lieutenant Vi walked behind Ebonshield, meaning that if her fire over-penetrated, she could get hit.
Eh, she's wearing armour. If Lily had to frag Ebonshield with Violetta standing there, she'd be fine.
"Sir, in response to your request yesterday for a full quaternion escort, I have the pleasure to inform you that your request has been granted."
Anonymous folded the paper under his arm and got to his feet. "Really? Goodness, that was quick, Lieutenant."
Putting one hoof to her chest, Temper Vi took the undeserved compliment with pompous dignity. "Well, sir, in the Royal Guard, we do aim for efficiency and efficacy..."
Lily internally eye rolled. Yeah, she wasn’t so worried about accidentally hitting the Lieutenant now.
"... And allow me to introduce the fourth member of your retinue: Sergeant First Class Ebonshield, a batpony of the Equestrian Night Guard."
The target of Lily’s rage, and her nearly-summoned telekinetic projectiles, stepped up to her VIP and didn’t even give him the honor of a bow.
‘So, she's not just rude to fellow soldiers!’
"Great Lord, from the deepest shadow to the brightest star, by your will alone I set my blood in motion."
‘An oath sworn on blood. Well, that just bucking seals the deal, doesn’t it?’
Perhaps delaying his inevitable dismissal of that vile fiend in order to learn more about her, Anonymous merely gave a nod of acknowledgement. "Please excuse my ignorance, Sergeant, but I don't believe I've met any ponies of your kind before."
‘Yeah, and after we get rid of this one, you hopefully won't see any of them again.’
"Sí, Great Lord, that is doubtless because there are only a few hundred of us here in Canterlot, and we generally keep to our rookery under the mountain, at least during the day."
Lily wanted to gasp, but it was stifled by blind rage.
‘A NEST OF VAMPIRES! RIGHT HERE IN CANTERLOT!!’
Oh, she was going to need every Anti-Air unicorn from her old battery in order to clean them out.
With a slight smile on his face, Anonymous looked expectantly over at Lieutenant Vi. "I see... Well, Lieutenant?"
"Sir?"
Lily’s commanding officer just looked confused, which seemed to disappoint the Royal Engineer. "Don't you have something interesting to say about the Sergeant's past service, as you did with the others?"
The Lieutenant licked her lips uncomfortably. "Ah... I'm afraid not, sir. Unfortunately, I received only a very thin file about Sergeant Ebonshield. No doubt in the haste to fill the position, her previous commanding officer in the Night Guard accidentally misplaced some of her paperwork."
Before she could go on, the batpony scum interrupted her. "I doubt that, Lieutenant. We do not keep the paperwork of that kind. However, it was determined that '18B Special Weapons Sergeant' and 'Sergeant First Class' were the closest equivalent Royal Guard service identifier and rank for my position in the Night Guard…
Turning to the Royal Engineer, she concluded. "... Great Lord, I apologize profoundly for the failure to supply your majordomo with that information, rendering her unable to properly introduce your newest servant."
With her accent, 'majordomo' sounded more like 'mayordomo', but that's not really what struck Glamerspear the most. The revelation that the Night Guard didn't use standard service identifiers or ranks, and worse, didn't keep well-regimented files on their soldiers, seemed to shock the lieutenant to her core, and she just stood there, dumbfounded. Lily had never seen her so off-balance.
But Anonymous still wore an amiable smile. "Well, perhaps you could simply introduce yourself, Sergeant. I'm curious as to the name of your position in the Night Guard?"
It seemed he was going to draw this one out all the way.
‘Come on, come on, let's just get to the batpony-slaying already!’
"Great Lord, I have the unparallelled honour of entering your service as a Seventh Rank of the School of the Shining Stellar Dance, or 'Stellar Seven' for short."
‘Wow, talk about an over-embellished title.’
It sounded like the kind of thing a pony dreamed up when they wanted to say they've been studying war since the day they were born. Lily could just picture Ebonshield monologuing before their fight.
'While you were still suckling at your mother's teat, I studied the blade.'
'While you were learning pathetic unicorn magic, I mastered flight.'
'While you were courting salt-licks, I cultivated inner strength.'
Yadda-yadda. The sense of smug emanating from her 'Stellar Seven' title just had Lily aching ever harder to shove a dozen telekinetic spears into her neck.
On the other hoof, it looked like the Royal Engineer was keeping his cool. "That's a very impressive-sounding title, Sergeant. Out of curiosity, how many ranks are there in that school?"
"There are seven, Great Lord, as in all such schools. Only the Master, Draxon, sits above the ranks as the eighth."
"Indeed? It sounds like we could have used your help earlier, on Sunday..."
No, wait, he's not just keeping his cool… He's slow-playing her! Pumping her for all the information about batponies that the Royal Guard would need to wipe them out -- all of them!
Clever.
Anonymous turned to face Lily. "... And speaking of Sunday, by the way, Specialist, our friend Lieutenant Kilfeather has made today's papers."
Amplified by her thirst for battle, she grinned heartily. "Oh really, sir? I imagine it's an interview from the Canterlot Hospital Intensive Cuddle Unit."
"I'm afraid not. Apparently, after you, the Corporal, and Specialist Sparkshower brushed aside their 'Pas de Sabots' at Newstirrup bridge, the First Canterlot Air Superiority Wing took it upon themselves to set up downriver at Oldstirrup bridge, instead."
Forgetting her rage at the abomination standing before her, Lily’s thoughts turned to the bucking bastard from two days ago, and her blood instantly boiled over.
"WHAT?!"
Lieutenant Vi shot her a horrified glare for her uncivilized outburst. But her lapse in manners didn't seem to faze the Royal Engineer at all. He merely unfolded the paper and held it up to read. "Oh, yes, it's all here in this article.”
'HEROIC LIEUTENANT BINDS WINGS AND REMOVES ARMOUR TO LEVEL PLAYING FIELD IN PAS DE SABOTS OF OLDSTIRRUP BRIDGE'.
“...Apparently, he's passing off his injuries and missing armour as chivalric charity."
Brushing aside the Tartarean Sergeant, Lily marched up to her VIP, who gladly handed the paper into her waiting telekinetic embrace. As she scanned the article, growing more furious by the word, Lieutenant Violetta turned to Anonymous.
"A 'Pas de Sabots,' sir? There hasn't been one of those in over a hundred years."
"One hundred and thirty-seven years, according to Lieutenant Kilfeather. But I assure you, he did set up at Newstirrup bridge and accost us on Sunday morning. I might not have minded except that he demanded Specialist Sparkshower in hostage as his price for crossing the bridge."
"A hostage?!” In her surprise, Lieutenant Violetta’s wings began to spread before she recomposed herself, folding them back in tight. “That's unbelievable, sir. The 1st Canterlot Air Superiority wing is one of the most decorated units in the Royal Guard."
"I assure you it's completely true. Answering their challenge to me, Corporal Bound proposed three individual duels, and I'm proud to say your soldiers carried the day. In fact, despite their use of an 'MXP Games Totem' to keep the fighting safe, the Lieutenant was rather savagely thrashed by Specialist Glamerspear."
Keeping it enveloped in her telekinetic aura, Lily folded the newspaper and moved it out of the way. "You can say that again, sir! I even took the mangled helmet off his shattered corpse as a trophy!"
She turned to her superior. "... Lieutenant, ma'am, you can't let them get away with this! As if demanding Sparkshower as a hostage wasn't bad enough, even if they got approval for a 'Pas de Sabots' at Newstirrup bridge, there's no way they got approval to just pack up and move downriver if they happened to get beaten!"
Her commanding officer, still uncertain about this whole situation, looked uncomfortable with the prospect of investigating the matter.
‘Well, she'd better suck it up, or else Lord Anonymous will know how to cause a real scandal!’
"I'll... have to bring this up with the Captain, I suppose. And then it'll have to go up from there to whoever authorized it."
"According to Kilfeather himself, it was Major-General Hoofstrong."
That was another shock to her.
Major-General Georgia Hoofstrong commanded the entire First Air Division, which had squadrons covering the central region of Equestria: Cloudsdale, Canterlot, Ponyville, and the rest. Over 10,000 pegasus soldiers served under her in the defense of ponykind.
The Lieutenant balked at the idea of confronting one of the nation's most distinguished commanders. "The Major-General authorized it? Digging into this could take some doing, then..."
The Royal Engineer gave a slight shrug. "Well, there's no rush, Lieutenant. Perhaps it doesn't even really matter, but based on his ongoing successes at Oldstirrup bridge, I'm sure you'll find that there will shortly be a number of irate nobleponies who will be very eager to hear that they were the subject of an unauthorized hastilude."
Oh, right. The nobles. Lieutenant Violetta went pale when she realized that punishing Lieutenant Kilfeather may involve humbling the Royal Guard before the landed gentry of Equestria. 'Icepone' deserved every inch of punishment that could come to him, but Lily had to admit that she didn't want to see the Guard's reputation tarnished just to satisfy a bunch of wealthy, idle nobleponies.
‘Ugh... Val's played his cards well with this one.’
Lily retired back to her firing position by the doorway.
"I'll... look into it, sir. With due caution."
"As I said, Lieutenant, there's no hurry. In the meantime, you have my thanks for swiftly filling out the ranks of my escort so that I don't make any more social gaffes..."
The Royal Engineer turned to Lily with a smile on his face. "... And speaking of social gaffes, Specialist Glamerspear, I've received word that my new athletic ensembles are ready to pick up from the tailors this morning."
‘So he did take my advice. Nice.’
‘Now it's time to address the blood-sucking, bat-winged, undead elephant in the room.’
Lieutenant Temper Violetta piped up. "Well, sir, if you have no need for the Sergeant or myself at the moment, then we shall take our leave."
"Certainly, Lieutenant. Thank you for the introduction. I look forward to receiving your service, Sergeant."
‘What?! No batpony-slaying?’
As Violetta and Ebonshield made for the door, Anonymous suddenly interrupted them. "... Oh, actually, there was one thing..."
‘Yesssssssss…’
They turned away from her to face the Royal Engineer once more, and Lily warmed up a special delivery for 'Sergeant Ebonshield.'
"... I wonder if you happened to be free this morning, Sergeant? Perhaps you'd care to tag along as a second escort, and give me a second opinion on my new couture?"
‘WHAT.’
‘THE.’
‘BUCK.’
Suggested interlude music: Wojciech Kilar - "Vampire Hunters", from "Bram Stoker's Dracula" [1992]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCQ14aLKC88
