Everyday Life With Guardsmares
Chapter 14
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The Royal Engineer folded his arms in front of his chest.
"'Pas de Sabots?' I'm afraid I haven't been introduced to this particular custom. Would you care to elaborate?"
Lieutenant Kilfeather placed one hoof on his chest and gave a shallow bow. "Certainly, sir; I will happily rectify your ignorance of this topic."
Anonymous allowed the insult to pass unchallenged, the expression on his face impassive, almost stern.
"...The 'Pas de Sabots' is an old custom of the warrior nobility, one of the ritual combats allowed even in peacetime, along with the more familiar Tournament. In a 'Pas de Sabots', a group of honorable warriors take it upon themselves to seize an important bottleneck on the road -- such as a bridge, city gate, or mountain pass. Commoners are permitted free travel, but any noblepony wishing to go by must first challenge the holders to combat. A victory over the pass-holders ends the event in a triumph and allows the noble to go on their way; otherwise, the pass holds, often piling up with battered soldiers ready for a second round when more of their fellows arrive. A feudal noble who declines the challenge is compelled to leave behind a token of their cowardice, to be recovered later by someone with a greater sense of chivalric honor than themselves."
The pegasus nodded to his entourage, who relaxed from their battle stance. Even the two spear-wielding guards lifted their weapons up and out of the way.
"... Besides that, the rules of combat are up to the challenger; we are honor-bound to accept any reasonable proposal. As the 'tenants' of this pass, we must also provide armaments to any noble who would challenge us but happens to find themselves without weapons. And we will freely share our supplies of food and water with any brave enough to take up the sabot that we have thrown down."
Kilfeather sat down in front of his squadron, wearing a haughty smile.
Beside the corporal, the Royal Engineer shuffled his feet and considered his response carefully. In the back, Honour could hear Glamerspear start to clamber off of her seat to join her. Sparkshower must have surely been about to land, as well. Anonymous unfolded his arms, placing one hand on his hip while showing the other to the bridge-holders with an open palm.
"Thank you for the explanation, Lieutenant. It sounds like you have undertaken a magnificent enterprise, and I wish you luck. However, I am compelled to point out the fact that I am not a member of the warrior feudal nobility of Equestria. I therefore ask that you allow me to pass unmolested."
The Lieutenant grinned.
"Not a member of the feudal nobility? No, sir, I think that you are..." He pointed a hoof at the Royal Engineer. "... You are a member of Princess Celestia's privy council, sir, which by ancient custom must consist exclusively of trusted nobility. When Her Majesty the Princess appointed you to the position, did she not declare you 'Lord Anonymous, Royal Engineer', before the Day Court?"
Anonymous placed his other hand on his hip. "I believe that she did, yes. I was told it was an ancient title, and would not be used in normal circumstances."
Kilfeather spread his forelegs. "See? Though an honorific, the time is not long past when we would be compelled to address you as 'Lord Engineer', and likewise 'Lord Chancellor', et cetera."
Glancing at the Royal Engineer, Honour saw him smile. "Well, if I am a noble, sir, then I must point out that I am no warrior-lord. And I think the same could also be said of the Chancellor, since you brought him up."
One of the pegasi giggled at that little joke, before getting a stern glance from Kilfeather.
"If he were here, sir, we would challenge the good Chancellor as well. But if you are not a warrior-lord, then why do you travel with soldiers under your command?"
Glamerspear slowly walked up on Honour's other side, and she could hear the beating of wings as Sparkshower started to hover on the far side of the draft-ponies.
"... It would seem, sir, that Her Royal Majesty has not only ennobled you, but provided you the retainers that a noble of your station rightfully deserves. And if you feel unable to fight in person, then there would be no shame in sending your house-warriors to do battle in your name."
The Royal Engineer inhaled deeply, apparently considering how to reply. As the seconds wore on, Glamerspear shook her head and lost her patience.
"This is such a load! What's your game, Valiant? Nobody's staged a 'Pas de Sabots' in a century or more!"
'Valiant Kilfeather.'
Now Honour remembered where she'd read his name. It was on the front page of the Royal Guard Times less than a year ago, and given her current situation, it was not an encouraging memory.
Kilfeather gave a slight smirk. "Ah, there you are, Glamerspear. You're right -- the 'Pas de la Fleur Fanée', the last one on record, was a hundred and thirty-seven years ago..."
Before she could retort with 'See?!', he continued talking right over her. "... But the laws to permit such chivalrous acts are still on the books."
Glamerspear growled and pointed an angry hoof at the tents and pavilions. "Laws, shmaws! You must've had to pull some pretty big strings to get this all thrown together in such a hurry!"
Valiant smiled and shook his head. "Oh, no, not at all. You'd be surprised how eager the supply depot officers were to help out. During this period when Celestia holds Day Court on weekends, every noble pony who can get out of Canterlot does so, to avoid the influx of plebeians into their 'sacred' city..."
Turning around, he gestured at the bridge. "... Newstirrup Bridge happens to be the fastest way to and from a number of noble estates. So I found some very receptive ears when I suggested that a 'Pas de Sabots' timed for 'society' returning to Canterlot would humiliate a number of high-and-mighty gentleponies who thought themselves too good to mingle with the peasantry..."
He turned his head up and looked at Anonymous. "... Absolutely all of our papers are in order, sir. You're welcome to inspect them, if you wish. And this event has the full sanction of Major-General Hoofstrong herself."
The Royal Engineer glanced down at Corporal Bound. She could see him rolling his fingers against his palm in thought. "As it happens, Lieutenant Kilfeather, I happen to be pressed for time and on urgent business. If you will not allow me to pass without satisfying your ritual, then I must ask what the price for my 'cowardice' would be."
Kilfeather put on a friendly smile. "Oh, sir, well... First of all, let me say that I doubt very much if you will suffer any social consequences for a surrender. After all, nopony would expect your small VIP detail to fight against Canterlot's finest air defense squadron. But as for tokens of surrender, let me think..."
He put his hoof up to his chin and feigned consideration of something new. It was so obviously an act that she'd almost wondered why he even bothered with it.
Perhaps he just liked to hear himself talk.
"... Well, traditionally the tokens are something martial, but not essential for personal defense. So, for your cowardly refusal to face us, we will take..."
He pointed at Glamerspear.
"... Her fancy helmet..."
She growled.
He swung his hoof to point at Anonymous.
"... One of your fine white gloves, sir..."
And then he swung his hoof all the way over to point at Sparkshower.
"... And her."
Sparkshower gasped. "Me?!"
Before anypony could say anything else, Glamerspear exploded next to Honour.
"HER?! Why you low-life, dirty-dealing, foal-of-a-b-"
Anonymous looked down at the Corporal and shook his head with a stern expression, so she elbowed Glamerspear in the flank. She took the hint and shut up.
The Royal Engineer cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, I must have misheard you. Are you proposing to take a hostage in exchange for my submission?"
There was the briefest flash of a grin on Valiant's face, directed at Glamerspear, before he composed himself.
"Hardly a hostage, sir. We have established ourselves quite comfortably here, and she will stay as an honored guest among her own kind -- valorous pegasus warriors, just like her. Over the next few days, she will bear witness first-hoof to our courageous fight to hold the bridge against all comers..."
He places one hoof on his chest, his voice dripping with sincerity.
"... She will share in our triumphs and our revels as if a member of my own squadron; after all, it was not her who declined our challenge..." Lowering his hoof, Valiant regarded the Royal Engineer with disdain. "... And clearly, a cowardly lord afraid of battle has no need for such a large retinue of bodyguards, and can do without one of them for a few days."
Again, Anonymous paused to consider his options. As he did so, an earth pony trotted up from the tents, holding a large stick in his mouth. Valiant stepped aside and directed him to plant it in front of the bridge. It took the pony a bit of struggling to drive it in, but he managed to get it set up like some sort of fence-post.
Something about that staff looked familiar. The haft was extremely thick, and it was decorated with red and white ribbons. A half-circle plume of bushy red hair sat at the peak, above a golden medallion. Honour couldn't quite make out the design on the golden disk at this distance.
Glamerspear recognized it before she did. "Hey! That looks like one of the totems from the MXP Games!"
Valiant raises an eyebrow. "That's because it is one of the totems from the MXP Games. We've taken the liberty of borrowing it."
His answer only set Glamerspear off again. "Oh, so conning the ponies at the supply depot wasn't enough, now you're stealing magical artifacts right out of the Champions' Hall?"
"Not at all..." He nodded his head at the pegasi behind him, and they all gathered around the totem. "... You're looking at the winners of last year's Grand Mêlée."
They adopted the same pose as that front-page Royal Guard Times photograph the corporal had remembered earlier.
'KILFEATHER SQUADRON DOMINATES THE SKIES AT MXP GAMES!'
It was one of the more dominant victories of the whole tournament. And at the Grand Mêlée, the final and most important event of them all, no less.
Anonymous sighed. "I beg your pardon, Lieutenant, but I feel I'm missing something again. 'MXP Games'? Is that anything like the 'Equestria Games'?"
Valiant stroked the totem adoringly. "A little, sir. Where the Equestria Games involve tests of athletic and acrobatic skill, the MXP Games are a test of martial prowess."
He continued to fawn over the magical staff, so Honour spoke up. "Totems like that one are used at the Games to make sure nopony gets seriously injured. It projects a magical protective field onto the competitors."
The Lieutenant nodded at her, then turned to her VIP. "Thank you, Corporal. You see, sir? We're not barbarians. You may challenge us without fear that anypony will even get hurt..." He tilted his head down to look at them all from underneath his brow. "... Though if you do, then you'll certainly be walking away in pain and with quite a lot of bruises."
The Royal Engineer looked like he'd had enough. "I see. You've made your point, Lieutenant. I will confer with my escort."
By the tone of his voice, it wasn't a request. Anonymous waved Sparkshower over, and they all walked away from the bridge, passing the carriage as they went.
It didn't take Glamerspear long to speak up again. "You can't hand over Sparks to these goons, sir! This is all about her, you understand? Valiant, that scumbag, tried yesterday to get me to set her up with him!"
The Royal Engineer cocked an eyebrow. "Oh?"
"Yeah, and when I turned him down, he tried to blackmail me into doing it!"
"Interesting. I was going to suggest that I try to bargain him down for our surrender, but if what you say is true, then it sounds like we won't be able to leave here without giving up Specialist Sparkshower."
Glamerspear simply grumbled in acknowledgement.
Still floating in the air, Sparkshower voiced her considerations. "But... is that so bad?"
Once again, their unicorn squad-member went ballistic. "WHAT?! SPARKS, you have no idea what that bastard is capable of!"
There had to be a reason behind all that anger of hers. Not to mention her familiarity with the Lieutenant.
"So why don't you tell us?" Honour asked.
Glamerspear shot the mare a fiery glance, and then relaxed her expression, looking sheepish. "We used to date. And like I told Sparkshower yesterday, when I didn't want to do something he wanted -- which was crazy and disgusting, by the way, and would have actually reduced me to a you-know-what that I got called two nights ago -- he got violent and tried to force me into it!"
The Royal Engineer squinted at her. He didn't have the full details to know exactly what she was talking about, but he looked properly concerned about it.
"... And yesterday he tells me Sparkshower's caught his eye? I'm not letting that happen to somepony else!"
Sparkshower spoke up for herself. "But, Glamerspear, that can't possibly happen here! There's all these witnesses, and the whole thing is supposed to be a 'noble endeavor'! If it came out that they took a hostage and then abused her, it would ruin their reputation. What's the worst that they could do?"
The unicorn shook her head. "You don't want to know the worst, Sparks..."
Taking a deep breath, the pegasus conceded to Glamerspear's point.
"... But you might be right that they won't try anything here and now. We'd been going out for a while before he pulled anything crazy on me. I still say we fight, though!"
Anonymous stopped and leaned over. "Can we win, though?"
Glamerspear sat down and pounded one of her forehooves into the other. "You bet we can, sir! I can swat those pegasi like flies."
Sparkshower also landed down, concern evident in her voice. "I don't know..."
"WHAT?! Sparks, you-"
"Come on, Glamerspear, let her speak her mind before you shout her down," the corporal interrupted. That netted her a grumble and a dirty look from the unicorn, but Sparkshower looked genuinely concerned.
"The First Canterlot are the best air superiority fighters in the whole guard... They can fly faster and turn tighter than anypony else..."
The base of her spear rested firmly on the ground, but the hoof that was holding it was hesitant, and up in the air past Anonymous' head, Honour could see the tip wobble with uncertainty.
‘Looks like Lieutenant Kilfeather's intimidation tactics worked,’ she thought to herself. ‘She's genuinely afraid.’
"... I think I'd rather just go with them than waste everypony's time with a fight we can't win. At least that way I become their hostage without any bumps or scratches."
Glamerspear closed her eyes and shook her head like she couldn't believe what she was hearing.
Honour sighed. "You're in charge here, sir. What's your decision?"
Anonymous pulled off his hat and sat down cross-legged on the ground. The difference in height was actually startling. If he walked on all fours, would he really be that much taller than any of them? Regardless, it was strange having to actually look down at his face for a change.
"I hear one vote for 'fight' and one vote for 'surrender', Corporal. But I haven't heard your vote, yet."
She shrugged. "I'm a non-commissioned officer, sir. You give the orders, I see them carried out."
"Well, I'm not a soldier at all, Corporal. I've never even seen a pony fight, let alone sparred with one of your kind. Maybe I'd actually be a reasonable opponent for them, but I doubt they have any weapons or armor that would fit me, and I don't want to show up to Bitsmount with injuries. So let me tell you how I see the situation, and then you, with your experience in these matters, will give me your decision on what we are going to do."
He placed his top-hat in his lap. "We can fight, surrender, or turn around. All things considered, I would rather not leave Specialist Sparkshower in the hands of these unscrupulous ponies. But I can't afford the two-hour detour each way if we take another road to Bitsmount; it would cut short the inspection of the mine, and the carriage and several of the very valuable pieces of equipment I've borrowed are due back today. To keep them overnight would be a public embarrassment and a betrayal of several important ponies' trust."
Brushing some of the trail-dust off of the felt, he continued. "... But on the other hand, if we have to leave Specialist Sparkshower here, then, as she says, better to do it without whatever injuries that 'totem' will allow her to sustain."
The Royal Engineer looked up at Honour. "... As I see it, it all comes down to one thing, Corporal. Can you think of a way to beat them?"
He'd gotten to the heart of the matter, that was for sure. Was there a way to beat them?
She looked at Glamerspear. The unicorn was ready to explode with anger. Honour was almost surprised her horn wasn't already glowing, ready to project her magic at the first sign of trouble. A measure of her self-restraint, she supposed.
Then she turned her eyes to Sparkshower. She was encased in almost fifty pounds of armour, but mentally, she could tell she wasn't quite ready. Her experience with combat so far had probably been limited to engaging weak screening units or avoiding action entirely, not dueling a foe explicitly trained to dominate the skies.
Honour leaned back out of their little huddle-circle and looked over at the bridge.
Barring their passage were six cocksure pegasus colts.
The elite of the air defense force.
The champions of what was once called the Grand Tournament of Equestria.
But they were boisterous, boastful, and maybe they could be lured into doing something foolish. And the terms of the challenge were favorable: anything that was reasonable, they had to accept. So, could she come up with something reasonable that she could win? Honour closed her eyes and thought for a few moments. When she opened them again, she found that Anonymous hadn't lifted his gaze from her.
It was a powerful, penetrating look that spoke to the intensity of his convictions.
"I've made my decision, sir..."
Glamerspear perked up, and she could hear Sparkshower suppress a gasp of anticipation. She turned to each of her subordinates in turn, and tried to project the Royal Engineer's own aura of command.
"... We will fight."
Suggested interlude music: Kenny Loggins - 'Danger Zone', from 'Top Gun' [1986]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siwpn14IE7E
