Everyday Life With Guardsmares
Chapter 119
Previous Chapter Next ChapterArtemis Sparkshower
‘What a great day it's been!’
Underneath Specialist Artemis Sparkshower’s bronze plate armor, she was caked with a layer of dried sweat -- but that was just the natural side-effect of exertion. It was hardly the first time that had happened, and anyways, what was a little perspiration next to the grand demonstration they had put on for Their Majesties -- and the Grand Marshal (with his entourage!), and the Right Honorable Members of Their Majesties' Blue Chamber, and all sorts of other noble officers of the Guard and the Court! And not a single word of criticism from that crowd, either! Just praise and curiosity and excitement and agreement that the Whirlwind Self-Propelled Air Defense vehicle was a magnificent invention worthy of further study. More than that, too -- worthy of a real challenge, in the form of entering the military's 'MXP' Games.
Now that was a hurricane all its own.
Artemis had always been interested in attending the games as a spectator. That wasn't an easy prospect, even for somepony posted in Canterlot. Like the Gala, the Games were an event for the nobility, except this time, instead of the unicorns, it was the pegasi who ran the show. And also unlike the Gala, the whole Canterlot Palace wasn't available for participants; just the modest spectator stands at the Royal Artillery Barracks' proving field just outside the city proper, at the foot of Canterlot Mountain. Priority for tickets was given to staff officers, noble and wealthy benefactors of the Royal Guard, and participants' comrades, commanders, and family, with half of the rest allocated to serving or retired guardsponies by lottery and the other half allocated to the general public using a similar scheme. The odds of getting a ticket through either lottery weren't outrageous, but they weren't great. More than half of would-be purchasers went away empty-hoofed.
To be invited to participate as a contender, though -- what a thrill!
If she had taken a posting with one of the actual Canterlot divisions, like the First Air, then even as a non-competitor there was more than a fair chance of getting tickets. That was the basic plan; this VIP work was just supposed to be temporary until her Huckleber-- ‘No, no, no, no!’
‘Don't go thinking about the disaster that is your personal life right now! Relax and focus on what's going on around you, Artemis.’
Perched atop the wooden hull of the wonderful creation of her Very Important Pony -- who wasn't actually a pony -- she took in a deep breath and reflected with pride on the morning's accomplishments. Why, hadn’t the aide-de-camp of the Grand Marshal himself asked her, a mere pegasus specialist, what she’d thought of the Whirlwind's anti-aircraft potential? And hadn't he and all his general staff nickered with interest amongst themselves when she’d answered that she thought it would revolutionize not just anti-aircraft combat, but the ability of unicorns and earth ponies to join fast-moving pegasi in the charge? If the Royal Engineer hadn't made that clear to her, then seeing it in action certainly did. Their Majesties must certainly have been impressed to have convinced the Major General to let their group take up Kilfeather's banner in the Tournament.
Still, in spite of her elation, there was a sobering observation to take in.
Artemis looked ahead to Glamerspear's little open-topped fighting compartment. The wooden planks of the upper hull still bore the three-hoof-long gouge of the Bradamante Lance, when her control slipped for just a moment and the tip dug in. The scar deepened on its way towards her comrade's position, before withdrawing perilously close to the opening. A split-second longer and that scratch would have continued along her helmet -- or worse, if she hadn't ducked.
‘I’d better offer Lily my apologies.’
She’d surely understand, and probably shrug it off, but it was still the polite and friendly thing to do.
As Corporal Bound headed up the final, tree-lined lane towards the Royal Palace's garage, Artemis took a step forward, balancing the collapsed butt of the Bradamante Lance on the deck and spreading her wings to keep her balance against the vehicle's somewhat unsteady wobbling.
"I'm sorry about that near miss, Glamerspear. I'll keep a closer hoof on the lance from now on."
Lily casually spun her seat around to face the pegasus. "Ah, it's okay, Sparks. No harm done. You did have to deal with me shooting at you the whole time, after all. And I know how heavy that thing is." She grinned. "Guess that shows maybe we need some more armoring here up on deck, though, heh. I mean, I'm better off mounted than on the ground by myself, but I'm still a bit exposed."
The Royal Engineer, sitting up front on the hull with his feet resting on the dash between the Whirlwind's driver, Corporal Bound, and its crew chief, 'Sergeant Blackspear,' looked back at Lily over his shoulder. "I know. I intended to build up a proper cupola around your mounting point, Specialist Glamerspear. I just ran out time. It's not the only thing missing, either."
He sounded a bit down.
Hadn't everything gone well? It was true that there hadn't been time for a proper debriefing yet, not after Anonymous and Honour met Their Majesties over at the finish line. All Artemis really knew was that the Whirlwind had been entered into the MXP Games -- and her quaternion along with it. That had certainly raised eyebrows among the gathered crowd, but it had seemed more like excitement over the prospect of seeing the invention in real combat.
"It's all right, sir. General Foxhall was very impressed with what we have so far. Weren't Their Majesties pleased, too?"
Anonymous smirked. "Sure. They were so pleased they've doubled my workload."
Sergeant Ebonshield, still wearing her 'Sergeant Blackspear' magical pegasus disguise, spoke up from beside him. "I am certain that the Great Mother would not have given the Great Lord a task impossible."
The Royal Engineer chuckled weakly. "Impossible, no. But this demonstrator vehicle might as well be armored with paper and built out of twigs, for all the good it'll be in a real, drawn-out fight." He raised his eyebrows inquisitively. "I mean, I don't know much about these 'MXP Games,' but I have to assume this 'Grand Mêlée' isn't some quarter-of-an-hour affair, right?"
Glamerspear rolled her eyes in Artemis’ direction, gritting her teeth in an awkward smile.
Artemis cleared her thought, and tried to let the truth out gently. "Sir, the Grand Mêlée starts just after breakfast, and goes on until there's only one 'flight' -- one team -- left standing."
That term was a carryover from ancient pegasi armies, still used today in airborne divisions.
"There are interval pauses every hour, and fallen combatants can get back into the fight, if they're able."
Glamerspear joined in. "Yeah, and you can even repair or replace equipment during a break."
Artemis nodded. "It used to be that flights could even have one or two extra soldiers waiting on the bench as replacements. But they got rid of that rule a while ago. Nonetheless, with everything else..." She shrugged awkwardly. "... It usually goes on until almost dusk. And sometimes even into the night."
The Royal Engineer shook his head. "An all-day Battle Royale, in a little one-cylinder steam car, with armor made out of two-by-fours so hastily nailed to their posts that half of the planks are already rattling loose." Spreading his hands on the hull behind him, he leaned back and grabbed one of the aforementioned wobbly boards. It was worryingly free-moving.
‘This is all that stood between the rocket punch of the Bradamante Lance and my comrades?’
‘That, and my hoofwork?’
Maybe she’d cut things closer than anypony thought.
Finding another board to jostle around, the Royal Engineer continued. "With no surface hardening. And no fireproofing. And no shock absorbers. And narrow wheels. And that one bronze piston running loose enough in its bearings that I can already hear it scraping away at its cylinder housing."
Artemis cocked her ears. ‘Huh,’ there was a slight grinding noise coming from underneath the carriage. Had that always been there, or did it just get worse recently? Was there a ticking noise, too?
Her VIP continued, almost muttering under his breath. "Probably from all this rough riding we've been doing. The valve timing's run off as well. Whole thing needs an overhaul. And a paint job by a proper artist instead of my amateur freehand."
As Honour delicately guided the Whirlwind up the ramp into the garage, Anonymous removed his top hat and placed it in his lap. "I have to fix up all that for the Games, while at the same time trying to set up a steel foundry with batponies that Her Majesty doesn't trust and who aren't supposed to be seen by Canterlot's Royal Guards. With a secret assistant who'll be visiting me soon."
He turned back to face Sparkshower and Glamerspear once more. "When is this Grand Tournament, anyways?"
Artemis was about to speak up, when Honour put the brakes on and the Whirlwind lurched to a stop in its stall. Then she looked up at their VIP.
"The weekend after May Day."
The corporal glanced back at Specialist Sparkshower. "Or 'Beltane' if you want to use the traditional pegasus name."
Artemis nodded. "That's right. The Games used to be held on Beltane proper when it was just a pegasus affair. Now it's the weekend after for scheduling purposes. Beltane is the ancient spring festival, held on the first day of May."
Anonymous arched his eyebrows and ran his fingers through his hair. "I thought the Grand Galloping Gala was the Equestrian spring festival."
Lily swept her forehooves across the deck in front of her station. "It is in Canterlot. Or if you want to do as the fashionable Canterlot nobles do. But the Tournament is all about the pegasi. All-pegasi flights almost always sweep the open-to-all-races events, too -- including the Grand Mêlée."
With surprising agility, the Royal Engineer pivoted to dangle his legs off the side of the carriage, then hopped down to the ground, crouching low and reaching under the armored body to close the fuel valve on the Whirlwind's boiler. The hissing noise that always accompanied the carriage started to peter off. Artemis’ VIP stood up again, throwing his arms up on the armored carriage's top deck and rested his head between them, his tired eyes looking at each of his four guardsmares in turn.
"Today's Monday. The Gala's this coming Saturday. There's two and a half weeks left in April, including this one. Are you saying we've got three weeks until the MXP Games?"
Artemis nodded, and so did Honour and Lily. Eb seemed just as surprised -- and just as worn out -- as the Royal Engineer.
Anonymous sighed. "...Okay, then. Well..." Taking in a deep breath through his nose, he straightened himself up and stepped away from the carriage, then glanced up at the clock hanging over the main doors.
"It's just after eleven o'clock. I've been awake for..." With a sloppy, exaggerated motion, he lifted his hand up to consult a nonexistent wristwatch. "...Twenty-four hours straight. Not counting the little thirty-minute cat-nap waiting for the paint to dry and you to join me this morning."
He took another breath, his shoulders drooping. "I've been working a sweat up all night long, surviving entirely on coffee. And I didn't do much more than splash water and soap on my face before dressing up for the show." Anonymous picked anxiously at his cravat, unravelling it and flinging it over his shoulder before attacking the top buttons of his shirt. "I can almost feel the grease and sweat seeping into my linen shirt and wool suit every second that I continue to wear them."
With his neck liberated, he pulled the hoofkerchief out of his breast pocket and wiped eagerly around his throat. Then he pointed a finger at Corporal Bound. "So, Corporal, I know you've told me that I'm not supposed to be able to dismiss my guards as a matter of protocol. Well, I intend to go back to my room, and draw a hot bath to soak in until I'm certain that every ounce of grime has been liberated from my body. And then lunch will be brought in, and I'll devour it before collapsing into my bed, where I intend to sleep until it's supper time. I'll wake up to eat it, and then go right back to sleep."
The Royal Engineer swirled his pointing finger up in the air. "And I'll post a sign on the door saying I'm receiving absolutely no visitors until tomorrow." That same finger came sweeping down and across to indicate the whole quaternion. "So, unless one of you wants to join me in my bath or in my bed, I strongly suggest you all find something more productive to do than standing in front of my doors, listening to me snore until Tuesday morning."
‘Uh…’
Artemis exchanged glances with Honour, Lily, and Purity.
‘He wasn't being serious about that second-last bit, was he?’
It was hard to tell. Her VIP was behaving uncharacteristically erratically, though not without cause. After combat training, he was enthusiastic and energetic. But that was just a few hours of physical activity. Staying up all night had left him exhausted, and it seemed to have made him a little emotional. Honour looked concerned, Lily appeared shocked, and Purity seemed sympathetic. But before anypony else could say something, the Royal Engineer put one hand up to his eyes, rubbing his brow.
"Sorry about the 'joining' bit. That was a joke. A bad one. But I'm serious about everything else. I'm beat."
Corporal Bound reluctantly nodded. "All right, sir. We'll walk you to your room, and then take the rest of the day off. I'm sure everypony will understand." She stood up in her seat and neatly dismounted in a single leap.
That was the cue for everypony else to do the same. Artemis fluttered down on her wings while pegasus-Ebonshield coasted to the ground in a distinctly un-pegasus-like fashion. Lily picked herself up out of her hole then conjured a spear-staircase off the back and down the rear of the vehicle.
In short order they were all lined up and ready to go, but the Royal Engineer just stood there, looking over his creation. Hearing him denigrate it had lowered it in Artemis’ eyes, though it was still a marvel. She was sure she couldn’t see its faults as clearly as he could, though.
"I should really wait here for the next half-hour or so, just to make sure the boiler cools down properly. All that wood and oil-based paint -- and I lubricated the engine, too. Lot of flammables. I wouldn't want a fire to start while I'm off soaking in the tub."
Honour shook her head dismissively. "Let us take care of that, sir. We slept last night: you didn't. And we are your guards after all; it makes sense for us to guard something for you." She turned to the three ponies under her. "I'll escort him to his quarters and then join you back here?"
It wasn’t exactly a military order, and Lily treated it as such, saying only, "OK."
Artemis, however, couldn't quite get into that casual mentality and replied, "Yes, Corporal."
Ebonshield just nodded silently. The pegasus felt a bit guilty about having hoofed Purity out onto the sofa yesterday when she’d appropriated her room to develop her risqée photos. 'Appropriating' the magical disguise-armor she was wearing no doubt had her feeling pretty tired, too.
Surprisingly, the Royal Engineer hadn't left yet; he was still staring at his carriage.
Honour tried to get his attention. "Sir? Shall we go?"
With a blank stare, he furrowed his brow. "There's one more thing I should do first. Something I really should have done in the morning, before the show."
‘For a sleepless colt he sure is trying to attend to every detail.’
Artemis wanted to speak up and tell him it could wait until after he'd rested, but Honour beat her to it. "Whatever it is, it can wait until tomorrow, sir."
Anonymous shook his head, then pulled his white gloves off one at a time, tossing them into his top hat. "No. It's important. Would you go stand with your quaternion for a moment, Corporal?"
She furrowed her brow, but nonetheless did as he asked, rejoining the line. Glamerspear cast lifted eyebrows left and right, but nopony seemed to have any idea what was coming next.
The Royal Engineer took a deep breath and pulled himself up straight.
‘Gosh, he looks serious.’
"Corporal Bound, Sergeant Ebonshield, Specialist Glamerspear, and Specialist Sparkshower. Gentlemares..." He bowed. "...Thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me, and with me, for the last three weeks. I can't imagine having succeeded here, in Equestria, without you."
As he stood up, Artemis saw a gentle smile on his face. "You've shared with me your customs, helped me with my alien habits, and lifted me over cultural pitfalls. You've inspired my work and you've helped me carry it out."
He sighed, shrugging and shaking his head. "When Princess Celestia first assigned you to me, I really didn't know what I was supposed to do with you. Now I don't know what I'd do without you. I can't imagine having better help. This morning's success out at the racetrack is as much your success as it is mine."
Anonymous gestured at each of them in turn. "Sparkshower, you've helped me in the garage for hours building the Whirlwind, in addition to providing the name, and I can't imagine anyone could have played the role of the target better than you have. You're a firmament of fortitude and a mountain of good manners."
‘Gosh...’
A compliment like that from somepony like her VIP made her all tingly inside. She felt her tuft get floofy on its own.
"Glamerspear, I don't know what it takes to be a Centurion of the Order of the Ram, but in situation after situation you've demonstrated amazing magical powers and great skill, including this morning. You've shown me a fierce fighting spirit that I never knew existed in this land."
Lily was looking a bit puffed in the chest as well, Artemis noticed.
‘Is her horn glowing a bit, too?’
"Ebonshield, for a fellow alien in Equestria, you've always managed to stay on top of things. You've shown me, and everyone else in your quaternion, a world we never would have seen otherwise. And I know I have a lot still to learn, but what you've taught me about fighting so far has, well..." He furrowed his brow, trying to find the words. "...It's rooted me a little, I think, in a way I'm not sure I can explain right now. Maybe it's the physicality of it. But I know it's made me feel more like this is my home, and that's started to change the way I work."
Purity blinked her eyes, and the pegasus saw they glistened with moisture.
‘Sunshowers!’
The sergeant was so emotionally grounded, normally. She must be as tired as he was if she was getting teary-eyed, too.
"...Corporal Bound. I'm not sure where to begin." He licked his lips -- and that was definitely a spot of red on their quaternion leader's brown-furred cheeks.
"Well, I can start by saying that if motorized carriages become popular here, you have a guaranteed career outside the Royal Guard as a champion race driver."
That got a sensible chuckle out of everypony present, and he continued. "You've dealt with every problem we've faced, and I know I've been the cause of a lot of them, too. You haven't been afraid to speak truth to power, and you've been willing and able to learn all the strange new things I've come up with." He held his arms wide, magnanimously. "You're a solid, reliable anchor on a boat thrown about in stormy seas. And, as you're their leader, I'm sure the rest of the quaternion feels the same way."
Honour glanced down the line to find them all nodding enthusiastically.
"¡Absolutamente!"
"Damn straight!"
"Without a doubt!"
The Corporal tried to suppress her growing blush. She was about as successful as Artemis was at controlling her tuft.
Anonymous lowered his arms again. "Anyways, that's what I needed to get off my chest. It wouldn't have been the same if I'd thanked you tomorrow. I probably still will, but I needed to do it now, too." With a wry grin, he gestured one hand near his cheek. "And if I hadn't, I'd probably be tossing and turning the whole time in bed, anxious about how to phrase things perfectly. This was a bit stream-of-consciousness-y, I know. I promise I'll put some planning and effort into the next one."
Honour cleared her throat, still rosy-cheeked. "This was good enough, sir. And you're welcome."
The Royal Engineer nonchalantly dusted his free hand on his trousers. "Okay. Well, I know I'm ready for washing up, eating, and going to bed, and if that's in anyone else's plans I won't hold it against them." Turning to go, he waved his upside-down top-hat around a bit. "Just give the boiler fifteen minutes. It'll be fine, I shouldn't have worried. Make sure you don't smell or see any smoke, that's all."
As he left with Corporal Bound, the other three answered in unison.
"Yes, sir."
"Yes, sir."
"Yes, sir."
As the pedestrian door to the Canterlot Palace Royal Carriage-House closed behind them, Artemis let out a sigh. It was a mixture of relief from the successful public performance earlier, and revelling in the fresh delivery of some very kind compliments.
The silence was almost immediately broken by Lily poking a forehoof into Ebonshield's flank. "I'm surprised you didn't think to take him up on the offer to join him in bed, 'Sergeant Congeniality.’"
Eb swallowed and pulled her neck back coyly. "Who says I did not? Perhaps if he had not so quickly dismissed this as a joke, I may have accepted."
Artemis furrowed her brow and poked the unicorn in turn. "Don't forget, Lily, you're the one who got all glowy for him when he was sparring with Eb!"
Glamerspear swiveled her grinning face in the pegasus’ direction. "Yeah. And I haven't forgotten the size of your bucking wingspan during that demo, either!"
Artemis expected that comeback and took the obvious high road, placing a hoof on her chest and putting on a playful air of aloof honesty. "That's different. I'm a pegasus; it's a natural reaction to a spirited combat, that's all."
Glamerspear cringed with laughter. "Pfft! Okay there Miss Mega-Pega. And how about your 'tack-play' talk, or asking him to dance the Maypole with you -- oh, and let's not forget when he took you to the opera as his guest."
‘That's not fair!’
That last one took her by surprise -- and was Lily forgetting the blow-up afterwards between she and her?
Suddenly Artemis was wearing a bit of a scowl, and Lily leaned in affectionately. "...Ah, our first argument, Sparks. I haven't forgotten. Good times."
It seemed she was better at playing games like this than Artemis was. More experienced, at any rate.
Patting Sparkshower on the back, Lily sat up straight again. "Anyways, who's saying I didn't think about piping up, either? Only I'm worried somepony else might get jealous."
Artemis snorted. "Probably your Captain Mailedhoof!"
Lily just grinned. "Sure, Mailedhoof'll see me together with the Royal Engineer, and it'll make him so mad he'll buy me another Louis Valise dress. Ha! When you're a saltine, jealousy isn't a setback, it's an advantage."
Glamerspear chuckled again. "Heh, no, I meant somepony would get jealous of me. I know what Honour said after the last trip under the mountain how he has no idea about ponies, but he's gotta be getting some interest by now. I mean, buck, there were plenty of uniformed mares in the stands this morning. A lot of 'em are gonna be at the Gala next weekend. And I bet a bunch of 'em are single, too." She shook her head, then nodded towards Sergeant Ebonshield. "You know what happens at the Gala, don't you, Sergeant? All those nobles, with bellies full of food and heads full of liquor by the end of the night, and all these empty rooms in the Palace, unguarded and with beds or sofas or just plain old nice thick carpets?"
The batpony-pegasus raised her eyebrows. "I have the picture most clear now, yes."
Lily whinnied with amusement. "Tartarus, maybe one of us should go in there after this. Give him a little lesson so that when he meets Lady Lieutenant Colonel So-and-so of the Hearts and Minds Brigade at the Gala and they wind up knocking horseshoes in the conservatory, he's got a clue how to operate. Like how you propositioned him day one on the job. Or how your mom did, too, now that I think about it!"
Eb inhaled, smirking. "This is a consideration. However, I have found often that colts in his state of exhaustion are seldom able to perform. The Great Lord has made considerable exertions without rest already; he may fall asleep halfway through the lesson, and then not even remember the instructions for later."
Artemis shrugged. "That just means you get to teach him again."
Both Ebonshield and Glamerspear cocked their eyebrows and look over at her curiously.
"...What?"
Lily just shook her head. "Celestia, Sparks. You're all ready and waiting with bit and bridle, aren't you?"
Artemis was only joking, but how could she 'win' the argument about that? How could she out-joke a prankster?
Maybe it was better not to even try.
Placing a sincere forehoof on her peytral-plate, Artemis repeated her hackneyed line from earlier. "That's different. I'm a pegasus; it's a natural reaction to-pfffft! Hahaha!"
She’d only gotten five words in and already Lily and Purity were laughing riotously; it was so infectious Artemis couldn't even finish her sentence before exploding into giggles herself. Glamerspear was doubled over in tears, and even Ebonshield had both forehooves up to her muzzle trying to choke down an unending tittering. It all flowed so quickly Artemis didn't even notice the sound of the door opening.
Artemis’ unicorn comrade repeatedly stomped her forehoof on the floor. "Buck me, Sparks!"
Instantly a loud mare's voice boomed out in reply. "'BUCK ME'?! That's how you render the greetin' of the day, aye?"
Artemis snapped up to attention, and so did Ebonshield. Lily took a moment to cough and sputter before raising her head up. Standing in front of them in her service uniform was no less a mare than a Sergeant Major -- and the pegasus recognized her, too.
It was Morgan Treechopper, the Valkyrie who accompanied Major Growler and Captain Goldenfoil when she ran into them at the Spa Dalecarlia. The one with the Cloudsdale accent, who’d called Artemis an 'absolute unit.'
With righteous indignation, she surveyed the three of the on-duty goof-offs.
"Well? Let's have it, then."
The three of them answered in unison.
"Good day, Sergeant Major!"
"Good day, Sergeant Major!"
"Good day, ma'am!"
‘Uh-oh.’
Ebonshield just said 'ma'am' to a non-commissioned officer. Instantly the Sergeant Major stepped up right in Purity’s muzzle; not unlike how her brother Marcos first confronted her in their quarters.
"'Ma'am,' aye? 'Ma'am'?! Do you spy wee little bars on my shoulders, Sergeant? Did you miss all the chevrons on my sleeves?"
Their disguised First Sergeant -- ‘or should I start calling her Seventh?’ -- didn’t budge an inch. Well, even if she'd never been to 'shoe camp, at least Ebonshield had experience with others being in her face.
"Good day, Sergeant Major!"
Treechopper barely acknowledged the correction. "Name and commandin' officer, Sergeant!"
Keeping her eyes forward, their disguised comrade tried to maintain her pegasus facade. "Blackspear, Sergeant Major. I serve under Lieutenant Violetta."
‘Not bad.’ Artemis could hear her batpony accent a little bit, but maybe Treechopper would miss it.
"You're no Cloudsdale pegasus, Sergeant."
‘Then again, maybe not.’
"Where're you from that they dinnae teach you how to properly render the greetin' of the day?"
‘Eek.’
If this interrogation continued on, things could get very awkward.
Artemis decided to stick her armored neck out. "Sergeant Major Treechopper!"
The words were barely out of Artemis’ mouth before she got a muzzleful of irate sergeant. The blue Air Division uniform over a white coat made for a somewhat intimidating appearance. Though something about the maroon shock of mane under the matching blue hat just didn’t quite work. Artemis dropped her thoughts about color combinations and focused on her original reason for interjecting.
"Per regulation six hundred dash twenty-five, chapter one, section three, item 'i,' soldiers serving on VIP escort duty are exempt from saluting or rendering the greeting of the day outside of Royal Guard facilities."
Treechopper nodded, tilting her head. "Oh, aye, aye, well-quoted, Specialist Sparkshower. Are you on VIP duty? Well then, allow me to apologize to your Very Important Pony. Would you kindly point him out for me?"
‘Uh-oh. She's got me there.’
As far as Artemis remembered, the 'no salute' rule only applied when they were on-duty with the Royal Engineer. Artemis was struggling to think of a good answer before this non-commissioned officer really exploded.
Glamerspear waded into the fray.
"Right behind us, Sergeant Major: The Whirlwind." She slowly waved a forehoof at the carriage. "By Appointment to Their Majesties Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, the Royal Engineer of Equestria has charged us with the lawful order of guarding his personal vehicle."
Treechopper was not buying it. "Very Important or no, that's nae a Pony, Centurion Glamerspear."
It seemed that her comrade anticipated this response. "Neither is Anonymous, Sergeant Major. We're on-duty for him either way. The rule applies when carrying out our VIP's direct orders as well. And as First Air Division isn't assigned to Canterlot Palace, Sergeant Major, it begs the question of whether you're trespassing in Their Majesties' Carriage-House."
‘Ooh, that's right!’
But all it seemed to garner from the Sergeant Major was an infuriated glare and an intensifying of her Cloudsdale burr. "Get tae fuck, Centurion. You've jes' earned yerself a pile of trouble."
Gritting her teeth, she stepped back to scowl at the three of them. "And believe me, I'm in a mood. To think now I've got to go and prepare the Valkyries for fightin' against a vehicle only the Major has seen in operation only for half an hour, and having it crewed by an alien, a Centurion of the Ram, a wielder of a Theolonicus lance, and a pegasus who's accent I cannae place." Still fuming, she huffed and puffed. "Aye, if it's an Article 91 punishment that'll get ye tossed from the Grand Tournament on the basis of unsuitability, I'll gladly fill out the paperwork. You may have done a turn of good in plucking Kilfeather's wings, but you've done a right bastard of an evil deed taking his place."
‘So that's what this is all about!’
Artemis moved quickly to try to defuse the situation. "Sergeant Major! Much as we're elated to be invited into the Grand Tournament, this arrangement was hardly our idea!"
She nodded in reply. "Aye, right, it was me own Major General Lady Hoofstrong. She's bustled you in through the back door like a pack of criminals." Treechopper shook her head, still scowling. "Major Growler's blue blood is still boiling about it. She's ordered me here to inspect the competition for mas'sell, an written me a 'passe-partout' to enter the Palace."
‘So much for charging her with trespass.’
The middle-aged Non-Commissioned Officer surveyed the Whirlwind behind them. "Ah dinnae ken what to make of this contraption. But I can tell you --" She raised a forehoof, baring her teeth. "You'll not be takin' it out between now an' the Tournament without a Valkyrie watching overhead. I'll have ready reports on every little move you make and every thing this beastie can do, so as to train the Jotunn to tear it to scrap."
The snarl changed to a smirk as she looked Artemis’ Bradamante lance up and down. "That's a fine weapon Lady Growler gave ye, and I'll not criticize it nor the hooves which first wielded it, but it's a wee little thing pulled from the darkest depths of a forgotten cellar compared to the glittering arms of the Valkyries."
Still sneering, she looked over the rest of the quaternion. "Aye, and though you've an exceptionally capable unicorn, I know from her file that she's a specialist conjurer, ill-suited as a weapon against plate armor. Well! Only two pegasi, and of them only one armored heavily, though she's got the advantage of size. But the rest of the flight is land-bound and of no concern. I'll still seize every opportunity and take no chances against you, but I'll nae worry: the Valkyrie Jotunn will win the tournament."
The 'Jotunn' - that was the nickname of the Valkyries' Third Heavy Air Wing. Major Growler must have put Treechopper in charge of winning the Grand Tournament, and she was clearly dedicated to the task. Artemis supposed that kind of dedication was how she got promoted to be Major Growler's right-hoof mare. Still, this was starting to sound a bit like she would actually sabotage the Whirlwind.
And that was something pegasus honor shouldn't allow.
"Sergeant Major Treechopper, this is a clash of storm-fronts. Will our VIP have to set a watch against tampering with his, and by extension Her Majesty's, property?"
As Artemis spoke the traditional phrase of a pegasus duel, the implied accusation against Valkyrie honor left the Cloudsdale pegasus' eyes smoldering. "Nae. I'll not sully our victory with sabotage. One of my Valkyries will be here or near-abouts, watching and guarding, but never touching." She raised an eyebrow. "But since you've taken up the banner of the First Air Wing, and by extension the First Canterlot Battalion and First Air Brigade, I'm sure it will be seen fit to place some soldiers of that command here to watch over my own watchers. Perhaps even the Major General will put her hoof in and assign guards personally so as to assure a fair fight."
With Artemis’ challenge dealt with, Treechopper inhaled, shooting a final glance at the Whirlwind. "Having thus completed my reconnoitre of the enemy, I'm finished here. As ye were, soldiers."
Artemis stepped to parade rest, and so did Ebonshield. With some hesitation, so too did Glamerspear.
But she couldn’t quite let things go as they were. "Sergeant Major! You know your article 91 will be thrown out by the CPMO."
The cunning Cloudsdale pegasus barely paused as she turned to go. "How no? That's between my officers and yours. But if you're so confident about escaping punishment for this incident, then take care you don't make any other mistakes -- because from now until the Tournament, I'm watching, and I'll catch you if you do."
The door opened and shut again, and the three-quarters of a quaternion were left alone in the garage, the mood considerably dampened.
Glamerspear made a noise like spitting. "Bitch."
Ebonshield rolled her shoulders anxiously. "Perhaps I should remove this armor now. This is for fooling lax sentries at night; I have not the skill in the Equestrian tongue to fool angry sergeants during the day."
That didn’t sound right at all. "Sergeant, you may not have satisfied her curiosity, but she didn't doubt that you were a pegasus -- and that's to our advantage."
Artemis quoted the basic tenets of warfare, as taught in the Royal Guard's reconnaissance school. "'All warfare is based on deception.' If they never find out you're a batpony until Grand Tournament, they won't know what to expect!"
Ebonshield shrugged. "This is true. Although even if I should wear this armor constantly, enough have seen me around the palace that this 'Treechopper' may find out anyways. But even if they discover I am not a pegasus, I doubt they will know what to expect in any case, since no Equestrian has seen me fight, besides the quaternion." She made a point of using the Equestrian word instead of the batpony equivalent, 'cuaternio.'
Glamerspear grumbled. "True, but one thing's for sure -- I've gotta work on making myself useful against heavy armor. And in less than three weeks! Maybe I should try figuring out how to conjure spears made out of 'tungsten' or 'uranium' like the Royal Engineer was suggesting."
Sitting on her haunches, Artemis tapped her forehooves together in thought. "Shooting something heavy and blunt might work well, too. Heavy plate doesn't do much against cannonballs or catapult stones."
Lily grimaced. "You want me throwing rocks? I'm a specialized technician, Sparks, not some drooling brute."
Hearing hoofsteps on the gravel outside the door, Artemis got back down on all fours again. "Maybe so, but a kill's a kill, Lily."
Who knew what might be liable to walk in -- a General sneaking a look at the Whirlwind, or maybe another senior NCO?
The door opened to reveal it was just Corporal Bound. "Alright, we're on libo for the rest of the day. Sergeant, if you didn't have any other plans, maybe after lunch we could start some of that training I mentioned?"
Ebonshield looked pleased, but Glamerspear interjected first. "What training?"
The sergeant replied with enthusiasm. "The corporal has asked to be taught some of the Stellar Dance. And I am only too happy to oblige." She turned to Honour. "We can begin in our quarters; for the first lessons, there is no need for the large practice space of the Grand Hall of Stars."
That seemed to disappoint their unicorn comrade. "Not in the Rookery? Oh."
Ebonshield turned back to Lily. "Did you wish to join in? I am willing to give some preliminary lessons to all of you."
Glamerspear sighed and looked over in Artemis’ direction. "Ehh, I'm not sure if your 'Stellar Dance' is really my style. To be honest, I was kinda hoping you'd head into the Rookery and I could maybe tag along -- maybe Sparks'd come with me, too. I wanted to see if that Ignacio character was willing to hoof out another lesson on his brand of magic."
Eb nodded with understanding. "Ah! Well, we could train in the Grand Hall, certainly. He is sure to be quite empty if we arrive in the afternoon."
Honour furrowed her brow. "Off duty or not, we can't all four of us be down under the mountain while our VIP's up here. I wouldn't even want us all to go out into the city at once."
The disguised batpony tilted her head reflectively, lifting her eyebrows. "Mother Superior Carmen did extend the hoof of hospitality to all of us. I know there has been hostility and danger before, but you should be allowed entry even without my accompaniment." She smiled. "And I am sure Ignacio will be happy to receive you. I have never seen him behave so hospitably before; he must be as interested in the magic of unicorns as you are in that of the Eclipse. Perhaps even more so."
Lily looked up at Artemis. "How about it, Sparks? Will you be my wingmare this time?"
Entering into the Rookery had so far proven pretty dangerous. But Treechopper was right: unless Glamerspear came up with a way to defeat armor, the Royal Engineer's Self-Propelled Air Defense vehicle 'Whirlwind' would never be able to beat the Valkyries, though it might beat every other flight in the Grand Mêlée. And winning the Grand Mêlée was worth taking some risks for.
Artemis smiled. "Lily, I'll be your wingmare any time."
She heard her stomach emit a growl like distant thunder on the horizon.
"...As long as we can have some lunch first."
Suggested interlude music: Junichi Nakatsuru - 'Distant Thunder', from 'Soulcalibur IV' [2008]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8MpcPIGhTo
