Everyday Life With Guardsmares
Chapter 116
Previous Chapter Next ChapterHonour Bound
This was the biggest day that Corporal Honour Bound had faced in a long time.
And, potentially, the most stressful.
Which was saying a lot, considering recent events:
Unwillingly engaging in a Pas-de-Sabots against Equestria's premier air superiority team; Getting thrown into the thick of the Royal Guard's own 'Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell' policy on Batponies; Meeting Princess Luna, and basking in the full force of her magical 'presence;' The constant need to police her two 'shoe specialists; Learning to drive the Royal Engineer's self-powered carriage; Going up against Batponies in their own subterranean den -- twice, now, and even dealing with the Royal Engineer's foibles and failures in understanding Equestrian social rules, not to mention trying to teach him how to fight.
None of that compared to putting on a demonstration for the Princess of the Sun Herself.
So, naturally, the corporal was a little on edge, concerned with making sure everything went right.
‘When I push open the door to our quarters, I damn well better see everypony either already ready to roll, or seconds away from it.’
Placing a hoof on the handle, Honour threw the door open with just enough force to make her intentions clear. "Alright, it's time to move out. I hope you're all ready."
To her relief, Sparkshower and Glamerspear were in plain sight, illuminated by two glowing white orbs with thin teal tethers. Glam was in the washroom, projecting the light-balls while simultaneously holding up a pair of small scissors in her telekinetic aura, trimming the bangs of her mane to stop it from poking down underneath the brow of her helmet. But she had the rest of her armor on, and it looked parade ready. Sparkshower was sitting patiently in the common room, armor polished, caparison clean, and Bradamante Lance resting ready on the sofa. Both of them lifted their eyes to meet Honour’s, and they exchanged glances.
"Anonymous will meet us in the carriage house. Where's Ebonshield?"
Glamerspear leaned out of the washroom, shrugging her shoulders. "She hasn't left her room yet."
‘Not an encouraging sign.’
‘First things first, though.’
Honour turned to the pegasus. "Did you check in with the VIP Office?"
Yesterday afternoon, Sparkshower had scrambled to deliver a letter to Major-General Hoofstrong about the presentation. After all, the deal for her approving the exercises had been to invite the general to the final show as well. But the major-general had gone off base, and there was no word back from the Watchtower to confirm that she'd received the message -- at least none before they’d turned in for the night. In a bit of quick thinking, Specialist Sparkshower asked Lieutenant Cloudhunter, the Major-General's aide-de-camp, to send a confirmation to the Canterlot Palace Military Office, VIP section. There was always somepony at the duty desk there, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. While Honour went downstairs to meet the Royal Engineer, Sparkshower was supposed to visit the office to pick up a reply.
The pegasus nodded her head. "Yes, Corporal, I did! And there was a message from Lieutenant Cloudhunter saying that the general had received the message. She'll be arriving with a small entourage."
That was good, at least; the Royal Engineer's obligation was fulfilled. Though it did mean there’d be even more of an audience for their performance, making it all the more important that the 'commander' of the vehicle be up and ready to go...
"Okay." Honour nodded towards the sergeant's bedroom door. "Has she said anything? Anypony know what time she got back last night?"
Yesterday, after Sparkshower delivered the Royal Engineer's hastily-written invitation to the general, Ebonshield had skipped out on dinner, stating that she needed to go out and 'check' something before the demonstration. At the time, Honour had thought she meant scouting the field -- which, being after dark, only made sense to do as a batpony. But when Eb didn't get back by the time they’d all turned in, the corporal figured out she meant something else.
Just what that was, she didn't know.
The observant pegasus in the room cleared her throat. "Uhm. It was pretty late, Corporal. After midnight, I think."
Honour raised an eyebrow. "After midnight? You were up?"
Looking a bit embarrassed, Sparkshower shrugged. "I had trouble sleeping... I was too excited about today..."
That was unfortunate, but the corporal was not going to blame her; she’d spent plenty of time drifting in and out of sleep, too.
Artemis continued, still looking embarrassed. "...I heard heavy hoofsteps coming in..."
Swallowing, she lowered her voice and stretched a hoof and a wing out beside her muzzle, glancing at the Sergeant's door. "...Corporal, I heard a pegasus' wings fluttering in at the same time."
‘Now what in Tartarus?’
Noticing the conspiracy, and done with her mane, Glamerspear stepped out of the washroom and over to the sofa. Honour headed over as well and whispered back.
"A pegasus?"
Specialist Sparkshower nodded. "Yes, Corporal. And I think the hoofsteps were from the pegasus, too; the Sergeant's step is so light that sometimes I can't hear it if there's anything else. They must have come in together."
Honour exchanged glances with Glamerspear, who quietly snorted before piping up. "Coming back with a pegasus after going out to 'check' something? What was she checking? That she can still score a one-night stand on a Saturday night?"
It was an awful joke, and Honour wanted to believe that the sergeant wouldn't do something so whimsical before such a big day, but then again, they’d talked about her love life last night, not Ebonshield’s. And she'd never mentioned anything about being one hundred percent committed to her current unicorn college-colt.
Honour cleared her throat and looked at the door. "Well, I'm giving her -- or them -- two more minutes and then I'm knocking on the door. We've got to get going. The Royal Engineer will be waiting for us."
Glamerspear brushed a stray hair off of her armored kilt. "How's our hoofless VIP doing? Did he seem ready?"
Corporal Bound shook her head. "I don't know. I didn't see him; he just left a note inside his room."
The unicorn blinked. "He's already up, dressed, and in the garage? Damn, and I thought we got up early. It's not even dawn!"
It was an hour before sunrise, and although the common area of their quarters was well-lit by Glamerspear's magical illumination, the rest of the palace was cool and shadowed, though the sky was growing brighter by the minute.
Continuing, she shook her head. "I ain't complainin', but why in Equestria would Her Majesty want to do this right after raising the sun on a Monday morning? You'd think she'd want, like, a coffee break after that job, not a military demonstration. Regular day court begins in a couple of hours!"
Honour sighed. "Glamerspear, why do you think we're doing the demonstration right after the Sun comes up -- and the Moon goes down?"
The unicorn gave her a blank look, and even Sparkshower seemed confused.
Honour scrunched up the side of her muzzle at the obviousness of the answer. "It's because Princess Luna is probably going to attend as well. Don't forget who's in this quaternion."
Sparkshower let out a long 'Oooooooh,' but Glamerspear just took a deep breath and then brushed her mailed hoof against her muzzle.
"Damn. Performing for two Princesses and a Major-General. And who knows who else the General is going to be bringing. This is going to be a show."
The earth pony nodded. "That's why we need to make sure it's a good one."
There was the sound of a moving door-handle, and all three of them perked up -- necks and ears -- and turned to await the final member of their quaternion. But when the door opened, it wasn't the dark purple batpony sergeant standing there. Instead, against the pitch-black background of the closed-curtain bedroom, was a pale mauve pegasus mare, in ordinary Royal Guard regalia. And she looked a little embarrassed by the attention.
Glamerspear immediately tilted her head back, scoffing. "Are you bucking kidding me? Robbing the cradle at the Scholia wasn't enough for the sergeant, now she's picking up Royal Guardsponies for her personal conquests -- and a MARE at that?!"
Honour didn't think the sergeant would do something like that -- picking up a date before a big day, that is, not swinging for a Guardsmare. Whatever Ebonshield’s preferences or tastes in the bedroom were, she really didn't care. But the pegasus, who seemed at first so stunned at finding her one-night-stand's common room fully occupied well before dawn, stepped confidently forward.
"And what if I did, Specialista Glamerspear? Would you interfere in my life private?"
The body was absolutely that of a pegasus member of the Royal Guard, but the voice was unmistakably that of their batpony comrade.
As Glamerspear's jaw dropped open, Sparkshower vocalized her disbelief. "SERGEANT?!?"
The mysterious pegasus apparition smiled. "Yes. I am glad to know that my disguise has fooled even you three. I conducted a test last night, which was successful, but the ones who know you well, sometimes they can see through this."
Raising a hoof, she pulled at some invisible thing around her neck. The image of the pegasus shifted and wavered, and suddenly it was Ebonshield's regular, dark head on the lighter pegasus body.
"This is an armor magical, which disguises the wearer, as you can see. I think I do not need to explain further at this time."
Honour was not so sure about that.
Narrowing her eyes, she swallowed. "This another one of your rarely-used 'Stellar Dance' tools?"
Ebonshield shook her head -- her normal head, still exposed, with a blurry, wavy line around her neck where the illusion began. Underneath Eb’s forehoof, Honour could just make out the top of what looked like a stiff linen collar and the barest sliver of attached shoulders.
‘Is that some kind of magical linothorax armor?’
‘Like Bronzehorn pointed out?’
"No. This is not particular to my Temple." Releasing the collar, the batpony became one hundred percent pegasus again. "These were made for and used during the invasion. There are only a few of them left."
Glamerspear scoffed. "Oh, and your mom just happily let you borrow one for the day, huh?"
Pegasus-Ebonshield smiled. "Nopony knows I have taken this. This is what I performed in the Rookery yesterday morning. And today, nopony will know I am anything other than what I appear to be -- except the Great Mother and Her sister, of course."
No shock that the two Princesses would be able to see through an illusion. Honour bet it probably didn’t hold up too well to physical scrutiny, either. They would all have to make sure to keep anypony from touching Ebonshield during, or after, the demonstration.
It felt like she was resigning herself to this outcome, but in truth this couldn't be better; no batpony on display equals no ruffled feathers or potential violations of Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell. Even if many of the ponies attending already knew about the sergeant being part of the Royal Engineer's entourage, it would have made sense that they might have gotten somepony else to work the demonstration. Part of the reason for Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell was because the Royal Guard and the Night Guard didn't mix too well.
Nodding, Honour headed for the main door. "All right. Let's not waste any more time talking here. Come on -- to the garage."
There was a loud clattering of armored hooves as the quaternion stood up. Only Sparkshower and Honour Bound had actual physical weapons, but all the armor -- real or illusory -- still made quite a racket moving around. Exiting the door, they marched quietly down the hallway, two-by-two.
Along the way, Honour turned to scrutinize the pegasus-sergeant beside her. Nothing stood out as fake. The armor looked real, and it made realistic noises while she walked. The wings seemed properly feathered, too, and Sparkshower must have heard the Sergeant in disguise when she claimed to hear pegasus wings last night.
There may be a few loose ends, however.
"You'll need a false name and rank, Sergeant. It might come up if we do a questions and answers type of thing after the scripted demo. Or if the Royal Engineer needs to introduce us."
She nodded, blinking her deep-lilac eyes.
‘Wait -- those are still the same color as her normal eyes.’
‘Interesting.’
As Ebonshield replied, the corporal noticed that the pegasus' coat color was really just a lighter shade of her natural hue. "Yes. Today, I am Sergeant Blackspear -- and not 'sergeant first class,' either, but an ordinary sergeant. I am from the Canterlot Palace Military Office, VIP section, under the Lieutenant Violetta."
It wasn't perfect -- 'VIP section' came out as 'BIP section,' and even 'Blackspear' had a hint of an extra vowel in the middle.
"Your accent is still a problem. It'll sound Griffonese to anyone who doesn't know about your kind. But we probably don't want the people who know about batponies to realize you're disguised, either -- except the Princesses."
Ebonshield sucked in on her lips. "I am aware. This is a difficult deception; I have not been trained in the Equestrian language as the Lunars are. I will try to keep my statements short. 'Yes,' 'No,' 'Roger,' 'Sergeant Blackspear.'"
Glamerspear chimed up from the rear. "Sounds good enough to me. Toss in some 'Sirs' and 'Ma'ams' and you're good."
Heading downstairs and opening the door at the end of the hallway, Honour stepped out into the cool, early-morning air. The door guards stood to attention, and the four of them collectively nodded in turn.
Underneath a dark blue sky slowly growing brighter, the quaternion proceeded along the paved walkway from the main building to the large coach house and garage, while the sergeant continued to practice her short-form Equestrian.
"'Yes, sir.' 'No, sir.' 'Yes, ma'am.' 'No, ma'am.' 'Sergeant Blackspear, sir.'..."
Honour wondered if Ebonshield’s cutie mark had been preserved as well. Better make sure nopony took off their armor, either, or it could also give away the deception. Not to mention informing the Lieutenant of the deception, so that she could corroborate 'Sergeant Blackspear's' claims.
"Hopefully Lieutenant Vi shows up before the rest of the guests so we can let her in on the deception."
Eb stopped practising her Equestrian. "This is not necessary. I have already spoken to her in her office last night."
The corporal raised an eyebrow, but Glamerspear blurted out before Honour could ask the obvious question. "You went and visited the Lieutenant in the VIP section HQ, in that phony-pegasus disguise, and didn't get caught?!"
The phony pegasus in question nodded. "Correct. I only had to speak to the receptionist, and if I failed to conceal my accent, they did not seem to notice. The Lieutenant herself was quite surprised, of course, but soon understood."
Honour shook her head in disappointment, and she heard the clinking of Glamerspear's armor as she did the same just behind her. "They just let a heavily-accented phony pegasus walk right into a Lieutenant's private office without checking?! So much for the anti-Changeling-infiltration training and exercises! Tomorrow we'll find out Queen Chrysalis got her buggy self certified as an official photographer for this demo!"
Arriving at the end of the walkway, the earth pony pulled open the coach-house side-door. It was much darker than the palace in there, with smaller windows that let in barely enough light to see by. There were magical torches lit up ahead in one of the carriage bays -- and Honour knew it was the bay where the Royal Engineer's carriage was kept.
There was an eerie silence in the garage, too.
Suggested background music: Thomas Newman - 'The Axiom', from 'WALL-E' [2008]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-r6xOi7V0o
Rounding the short wall that separated his bay from the next, Honour found, to her surprise, not the Royal Engineer in his impeccable dress suit that she expected. But instead, he was sitting on a stool, wearing his dark work coveralls, his hair dishevelled, his brow sweaty and dirty, and his hands darkened with grease and paint. The floor of the stall was covered in beige drop cloths, and numerous magical candelabras burned brightly all around. There were tools and parts littered everywhere, too -- along with pieces of wood, bits of metal, splinters and shavings.
It was a mess, and so was the Royal Engineer. He was hunched over, his elbows on his knees and his hands hanging loose in front of him.
Honour spoke up in concern. "Sir? Are you all right? How long have you been up?"
Anonymous looked up at her with tired eyes, suppressing a yawn. "Since yesterday. I came here after dinner and worked through the night."
She was about to ask what he worked on, when she heard appreciative gasps from the ponies around and behind her.
"Wow. It's beautiful!"
"Whoa, nice!!"
"¡Gran Madre!"
Looking past her VIP, Honour’s eyes finally focused on the object which dominated the garage stall, and should have first caught her attention.
It was the carriage, but it was almost unrecognizable.
Honour had to circle around to take it all in -- and so did the rest of her group. Where before it was, in all respects, an ordinary dog-cart -- albeit without any limber or harness to be pulled by a pony, and with the addition of a few extra controls -- now it looked completely unlike any vehicle she’d ever seen before. The front, back and sides had been built up with wooden planks, like on an ordinary covered wagon. But where a wagon's front and back were as flat as its flanks, if tilted outwards at the top, the carriage had a pointed bow and stern, just like those of a sailing ship. And what's more, instead of a canvas roof supported by hoops, the wooden planks angled in at the top, then lay flat, to form a semi-closed compartment, with one round hole towards the back, and a large rectangular one towards the front.
The whole assembly was painted in a drab and unassuming grey, obscuring the seams between the wooden planks. In the center of each of the side walls there was a white circle with three stylized wings protruding from it -- the triskelion of the mythological pegasus Epona an Iomaghaoth, or at least an impression of it. And towards the front, again on each side, the word 'WHIRLWIND' was similarly stencilled.
The Royal Engineer got to his feet, his black work boots shuffling against the drop cloth covering the floor. "I had to get the Whirlwind ready for the show. But don't worry -- now that you're all here, I'll go take a shower and get dressed properly. Why don't you mount up and take it out for a few runs?"
Smiling, he wiped his greasy hand across his equally greasy brow. "It's quite a bit more top-heavy than it was before, obviously, but I originally ordered this dog-cart fitted with the suspension from a much heavier cargo wagon. That's why it always rode a bit bouncy, previously; there wasn't enough weight to keep the springs properly compressed, until now."
Honour looked around the workspace once more. She could see the pieces of the assembly, now -- the workbenches set up to cut the planks, the heavy saw to cut them to size. There were even a number of extras left over, piled up against the edge of the stall. The boxes of nails, bolts, and screws. Smaller strips of wood to serve as framing, and a vise to hold them for cutting as well. Cans of paint, paintbrushes and masking tape -- even a set of lettering stencils. There was a large can of lamp oil sitting just next to the vehicle, and glancing over the lid, it was looking empty.
Glamerspear conjured up some spear-stairs and stepped up to her gunner's perch at the back.
Honour watched as she slipped down into the open hole. Once she'd settled in, only her helmeted head protruded from above the wooden roof -- and, as if to prove it, she ducked down underneath, disappearing completely.
"Nice! Let's see somepony try to hit me from the air in this!" Then she quickly revolved around in place. "And there's even a spinning seat here now, too! Awesome! Spears for EVERYONE! Front, back, or side!"
Looking down at Honour, she pushed a forehoof up and waved it at the front seat. "Come on, Corporal, you've gotta get up in here!"
The Royal Engineer, however, had just noticed the newcomer in their group. With a puzzled look on his face, he stood with his hands on his hips. "'Gran Madre'? Sergeant? Is that you?"
The batpony-turned-pegasus bowed. "Yes, Great Lord. Today I wear a disguise magical. If you please, address me as 'Sergeant Blackspear.' You may say that I am under the command of the Lieutenant Violetta of the VIP section -- and she has been informed of this deception already."
His eyes went wide, the bright whites of them fully exposing just how filthy the rest of his face was. "That's quite a trick. I hope it holds up. 'Sergeant Blackspear,' eh? Alright -- take your place in the command seat, on the right side of the vehicle, at the front."
Extending her phony-pegasus wings, Ebonshield fluttered gracefully up and then similarly nestled herself in amongst the wooden armor, just where Anonymous himself normally sat when Honour Bound was driving.
And it was just that final seat which remained empty.
Sparkshower cleared her throat. "Do you need a lift, Corporal?"
Narrowing her eyes, Honour could just make out the small strips of wood which had been nailed to the Whirlwind's left side, obviously intended as hoof-holds.
"I think I've got this."
It was a bit of a struggle, and the carriage shifted and pitched a little as she climbed, but the earth pony managed to scramble up the small built-in 'ladder,' coming up over the sidewall and then slipping down into the driver's seat.
There was a padded cushion lying across the dog-cart's front bench that wasn't there before; a nice bulwark against the rough track ahead. As with the others, her head just barely poked up through the wooden roof. Her forehooves found the same controls beneath her -- tiller for steering, and pedals to control acceleration and braking. There were even two pairs of goggles lying on the bench, and she picked one up, strapping it to her head.
Honour passed the other pair to Ebonshield, who donned them as well -- and while at first the illusion was disrupted by this new article of clothing, after a moment, they seemed to blend into her fake Royal Guard armor, seeming a natural part of the outfit. Glamerspear had already tapped on the control button of her helmet to lower a basic clear targeting visor as well.
With his hands still on his hips, and Sparkshower sitting in awe at his side, the Royal Engineer beamed a wide smile. "The water and fuel tanks are full to the brim; I've asked some of the stable-colts to bring a few extra cans out to the racetrack as well, just in case, along with some brushes, brooms, and rags. It rained a bit last night, so the track's liable to be a bit muddy. If it gets a bit dirty in your rehearsal, they should be able to clean it up before the big show."
Stepping forward, he bent over underneath the armoring to light the engine, then popped back up beside Honour again. "The important thing is that you learn how to handle it with its new bulk, Corporal. Don't worry about taking things too fast -- this is just a demonstration of a concept. What matters is that they see Glamerspear, shooting out the back, safely protected by walls and mobile at will."
"Yes, sir."
Walking across in front of the bow, he pointed at the pegasus-Ebonshield. "Order the Corporal to halt the Whirlwind once or twice, Sergeant. Even turn it around to circle the racetrack the other way. Let's show them how nimble it is, and how quickly it can take off in any direction."
"Yes, sir!"
That affirmative sounded plenty native-Equestrian to Honour’s ears.
‘Maybe this is going to work, after all.’
It helped that nopony could see more than her head in the Whirlwind anyways.
Coming to Glamerspear, Anonymous banged his open palm against the wooden roof. "Duck under the deck if Sparkshower makes a close pass, Specialist. And don't stop shooting her for even one second. I want them to think the Whirlwind could enable you to swat down a whole army, if you needed to."
"Yes, sir! And you're damn right I could, sir!"
Finally, he came to Sparkshower, who was positively beaming -- despite the fact that she was about to be under constant fire.
"You've got the toughest job of all, Specialist. Try not to actually spear the vehicle, and please don't fire up the rocket engines on that lance of yours. But I want the crowd to feel like you're a real peril that the Whirlwind is overcoming. Shout out loud and clear when you're going to charge down low, so that your comrades know to duck, and for everyone's sake, make sure to pull up if they don't."
The armored pegasus loudly slapped a sabotted forehoof to her helmet, bringing the visor down.
"Yes, sir! You can count on me, sir!"
The Royal Engineer stepped over to one of his service carts and grabbed a clean white rag, wiping his face. "Alright, Corporal. I can see the steam coming out the back; come on over to the garage door and I'll let you out."
Sure enough, there was the tell-tale, slow 'Pffsht....Pffssht' noise hissing up from somewhere under the floorboards. With some trepidation, Honour slowly lifted her left hind hoof off of the brake pedal, and pressed the other hoof down on the accelerator. Slowly, gracefully, with a lethargy appropriate to the early-morning hour, the Whirlwind crept forward out of the stall.
She turned the tiller, and the wheels responded, the vehicle following after Anonymous, who hustled down towards the big swinging garage doors. Reaching the middle, he quickly unlatched them and pushed the left one open. Honour put on the brakes again, and Whirlwind stopped just in front of the gate. In another moment, he had the other door open as well.
Through the clear lenses of the driving goggles, Honour looked down at the Royal Engineer standing beside the vehicle, filthy and dishevelled in his work overalls, exhausted from pulling an all-nighter, and visibly apprehensive about the upcoming show. But rising above all that, there was one single thing, clearly projected in his voice and written all over his face: pride.
With a final salute to this enterprising Very Important Pony, who wasn't actually a pony, Honour released the brakes, and the Whirlwind rolled out of the garage.
Ebonshield twisted her head around in all directions, while Honour looked left and right to make sure nopony else was coming.
"Corporal, take us to the racetrack."
"Yes, Sergeant."
Coming from behind, Sparkshower blew past the three of them, wings pumping furiously, Bradamante Lance still collapsed on her back. "Yeah! Let's go!!"
With that, Honour dropped her right forehoof on the accelerator.
‘Time to see what this 'Whirlwind' can do!’
Suggested interlude music: Robert Weede & The Office for Emergency Management - 'The Caissons Go Rolling Along' [1942]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a15JrlOkpR4
Or:
US Army Chorus - ‘The Caisson Song’ [2006]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4sV5uWrptk
