Lily Glamerspear

---

‘This is a hoot!’

Specialist Lily Glamerspear’s pegasister comrade, Artemis Sparkshower, master of heavy armor and wielder of what can only be described as a rocket-powered lance, seemed to be terrified of a curtain.

Or rather, what lay beyond.

Standing still as a statue just ahead of Lily, stopped in front of a thin black strip of fabric which kept a particular, out-of-the-way section of the Canterlot barracks commissary out of sight, stood Artemis Sparkshower, eyes as wide as dinner plates.

She turned her head towards the unicorn. "Lily, are you sure that's not, uhm, an employees-only area or-"

Before she could finish the thought, Lily shouldered into her plot -- a risky maneuver, considering Artemis probably had almost ten kilos on her. The odds were even worse when the pegasus had her armor on, but right now they were both off-duty -- and therefore out of uniform -- so despite the weight difference, Lily managed to hustle her flanks forward and past the textile privacy screen hung in an open doorway between the back-aisle shelves of 'reproductive health products.'

"C'mon, mare, no turning back now. Get in there!"

In response to Lily’s shoving, Artemis took a few steps forwards, but as soon as she was fully inside the small room, she came to a dead stop again, standing in awe as she bore witness to its four short walls, each amply stocked with all manner of Equestrian pornography. Three of those walls were stacked with dozens and dozens of glossy, full-color prints and magazines, while the door-frame fourth presented two small bookshelves full of 'pocket novelettes.' There was a brown paper bag dispenser just inside the doorway, too, labelled 'For Your Discretion While Shopping.'

Sparkshower just whispered breathlessly. "Oh, hurricanes."

Spoken like a true, innocent, one-coltfriend-since-high-school filly.

Lily smirked as the pegasus gaped at the room. "Listen, Sparks, you said you want to take some racy photos? Well, I'm no prize-winning photographer and you're no experienced supermodel -- so if you're serious about this, we're going to need a little 'reference material,' if you know what I mean."

Her mouth just hung open, as if she'd just accidentally walked into one of the Princess' bedrooms, finding a colt sheath-deep inside Their Majesty's Royal Plot.

Sparkshower's baby blues slowly panned across the room. "There's... there's so much of it."

Lily shook her head, rolling her eyes up towards the ceiling. "Come on, mare, don't tell me you never caught ol' farm-hoof Huckleberry churning his own butter to a magazine behind the barn?"

Leaning her shoulder into Artemis’, Lily continued as the gobsmacked pegasus stayed silent. "...Ya know? Waxing his carrot? Beating his baloney? Milking his lizard? Varnishing his flagpole?"

Watching her try to understand this adults-only room was like watching a squirrel in the park stare at a large coconut, struggling to figure out how to eat it.

"I... uh... er..." She swallowed. "... Maybe?"

Lily snorted. "You pick any colt out of the barracks and it's guaranteed they've got something from here under their pillow or in their nightstands, whether it's bought from the store or maybe borrowed from a bunkmate. Either that, or a photo of their sweetheart."

Stepping past her, Lily turned around and waved a hoof at the room. "And why not? When they don't have a mare, or they're forced away from 'em, or even when their mare's just not in the mood, what we have here are cheap tickets to a little personal rest and relaxation." She chuckled. "And probably soiled sheets, too, unless they use an old sock. Your foal Huckleberry had one of those, and I bet he never washed it, either."

The struck-by-lightning stare Artemis gave Lily told her he did, and that she didn't know what he used it for.

Until now, anyways.

Averting her gaze, she pawed a hoof at the floor, then sighed as she looked back up. "O... okay. So what do we get? How do we pick?"

Seizing one of the brown paper bags in her telekinetic grip, Lily stepped right into the center of the commissary's little hall of wonders. "It's easy, Sparks. Everything's all sorted out for you, look." She pointed a forehoof the bookshelves flanking the door. "Those are the 'novelettes,' ya know? Harness-rippers. Stories about sweet, innocent mares discovered as buds by charming colts who then teach them how to blossom. No pictures -- at least, nothing more than the cover art and maybe an illustrated plate or two inside -- but steamy stories to warm you up on a cold night. More popular with the mares than with the colts. I guess us gals really need a good narrative to get the juices flowing."

That same pointing forehoof shook dismissively. "You can browse 'em if you want, but they're no good to us right now. We need the photo refs, so that's these three racks here."

Turning around, Lily extended her forelegs out. "On my left, you've got the raunchy but regular stuff -- just ponies baring what they've got or enjoying each others' company. Mares, colts, mares and colts, colts and colts, mares and mares, et cetera. On my right, it's the 'special interest' mags." She coyly shrugged one shoulder, and tilted her head down to meet it. “Maybe you can find something there to scratch your little 'tack-play' itch, since the Royal Engineer's not available to play with right now."

Although she seemed interested, that closing remark earned the unicorn a scowl.

‘Whatever, marefriend. Don't hate on the game just because the corporal put you in the penalty box for not knowing the rules!’

Bringing her forehooves back in front of her, Lily gestured to beckon the pegasus forward, then turned and stepped over to the wall behind her. "And then we have this rack. The 'classy stuff.' It's not just pornography, it's art; it's literature; it's reading material."

Sparkshower stepped up beside her, and the unicorn telekinetically plucked one magazine up into the air. Underneath the title, there was a photo of a mare facing the camera, her forelegs clutched together to force her tuft out as far as it could go. It was no forest like Lily’s pegasus comrade had got going on, but the coverfilly was hardly lacking in the foliage department.

"Here's 'Rustler,' the lowest-brow mag still considered to be a cut above your ordinary tuft-and-plots pub. There's actual sex depicted in here, sometimes with more than just two ponies involved."

Artemis turned red, either from the thought of a multi-pony sexual romp, or from the racy cover itself. Lily dropped the magazine into her bag and picked up the next one on her shopping list. That one's cover had a mare sitting sideways on a bench, wearing a negligee with one hind leg dangling down seductively, and the other tucked up against her chest.

"This is 'Hayloft.' Now we're getting into the denser stuff. There's no photos of sex in here -- just tantalizing titillation with scandalous poses. If you look past the images, though, there's often some good, actual, interesting reading material in here. Famous writers and reporters often contribute, and those contributions can be a lot less tame than when they publish elsewhere."

Sending it down to join 'Rustler' in the shopping bag, Lily took a step sideways and lifted up a third. She didn’t even have time to look over the cover herself before Sparkshower furrowed her brow and gasped out in shock.

"Hey, that's Countess Coloratura!"

It sure was: in full makeup and costume, minus her habitual veil. And of course the subtitle read, 'The Countess, Unmasked.'

Lily nodded her head. "Uh-huh. 'Playfoal' is the classiest of the classy porno mags, and more often than not their coverfilly is someone with not just a neat tuft and a firm plot, but something intellectual to offer, too."

Sparkshower extended a cautious forehoof towards the publication in question. "Are... Are you telling me that there's... uh... pictures... of Coloratura in there?"

Lily flattened her expression. "Yes, Sparks. There's pictures of 'Countess Coloratura' in here."

She scrunched up her brow and swallowed. "Yeah, but I mean... I mean... She's a celebrity! An artist, a singer! And there's pictures, you know? Like... picture pictures?"

The unicorn shook her head impassively. "What do you mean, 'picture pictures'?"

As the poor pegasus struggled to find the words, Lily leaned in conspiratorially. "Like, pictures of her tuft?"

Sparks froze again, and the unicorn leaned in harder.

"...A shot of her flank?"

Her muzzle was almost up against the pegasus’ ears.

"...Close-up of her plot?"

She lowered her voice to a whisper.

"...Maybe even a glimpse of what's in-between her cheeks?"

Instantly, Sparkshower clasped both forehooves to her mouth. "No! No, she wouldn't! Would she!?"

Regaining her upright posture, Lily chuckled. “No, she probably wouldn't. At the least, I bet her publicist sure wouldn't want her to. But the rest, probably, yeah. 'Playfoal' doesn't like to short-change its readers, but they respect an artist's limits. You might be surprised, though -- otherwise wholesome artists have shown up in 'Playfoal' pages, baring more than enough to inspire a teenage colt's wet dream."

She dropped the issue into the bag. "And the writing's top-notch, too. I bet the interview with the 'Countess' goes on for at least three or four pages, and digs deep into stuff she hasn't revealed elsewhere. Though who knows how much of it is made up. Honestly, considering you're reading 'Canterlot Match,' I'm surprised you've never read 'Playfoal.' At least the photo subjects in this magazine consented and got paid to be photographed, instead of being flashed on the spot by Canterlot's paparazzi."

'Canterlot Match' was barely a step above 'Playfoal' or 'Hayloft' in terms of content -- some would consider it a step down, even. Yet that rag got put out next to all the other magazines, instead of stashed away here in the adults-only section.

Artemis looked down at the brown paper bag, almost in shock.

‘Did I blow through things too quickly for her virginal little mind?’

"Okay... Is that all? Just those three?"

Lily shrugged. "That's up to you, Sparkshower. There should be some good ideas for poses and lighting and stuff in all three of these. We won't have all the tools and scenery they've got, of course, but it's still your photoshoot. You said you wanted to do this for you, so it should be about you. Why don't you look over some of the other mags, see if there's anything that catches your eye? It's my treat."

At that, Artemis instantly started pleading, forehooves clutched in front of her. "Oh, no Lily, you shouldn't! I wanted to take the photos, after all; there's no reason for you to pay."

The unicorn shook her head. "Hey, I'm getting something out of this, too -- a free lesson in photography, with an attentive subject." Snickering, she shrugged and continued. "But this is mostly payback for me dragging you through dark-as-buck tunnels to the bucking Moon last night, to say nothing of facing a freaking 'Accursed Shadow' monster."

Placing her forehooves on Artemis’ shoulders, she gently indicated the other racks of magazines. "So, come on. Take a peek around. I think we're done with this one behind me. Besides the racy calendars and the magazines aimed at mares -- which means they'll all only have photos of colts -- the only other stuff in here is either too text-heavy to be interesting or else too tame to be worthwhile."

She casually lifted one of the items up as an example. "I mean, come on, 'Athletics Photography Bi-Weekly, the Swimsuit Edition'? I'm surprised they even bother to put that in here, considering the closest a young colt's going to get to anything interesting is a fabric-covered outline just barely revealing a cutie mark. They'd be better off just going outside and looking at actual mares on the street."

Lowering it back onto its shelf, Lily pointed her at the rack of halfwit-harlot porno mags and pinup art. "Take a look over there to start. Come on."

With trepidation, Artemis stepped over to the other set of shelves. Lily watched as her eyes scanned the rows of publications, only the title and the top couple of inches visible behind the magazine in the staggered row in front of them, while the rest remained behind the solid, white wooden panels holding everything in. Some of them caught Lily’s attention, and she took a peek at the first’s full cover while levitating them up.

'FLOOF,' in fat lettering.

Sure enough, it was two mares with veritable jungles growing off their fronts, hugging each other seductively, as their tuft-hair poured out from between them.

‘Do colts really like mares that plush?’

Not even Sparkshower could compare to those two, but there was a good reason for that. Snorting, Lily lowered it back down. "Those are totally fake. Extension weaves on both of 'em for sure."

'Mustangs Wild,' said a masculine, but artistic font. There was a chipper looking earth pony stud with a friendly smile on the cover.

‘Not bad.’

‘Not what I need right now, but not bad. Maybe I’ll come back for you later.’

'THICK Plots,' with the word 'THICK' seeming to crush the 'Plots' underneath it. And there was exactly what the title claimed on the front page; three mares facing away from the viewer, their burgeoning behinds filling the frame.

Sparkshower cleared her throat. "It looks like they used a wide-angle lens up close to make those mares' plots look bigger than they really are. It's called perspective distortion."

Lily nodded and put it back. "Sure. I bet these magazines use all kinds of tricks."

Glancing over at her nervous comrade, Glamerspear tried to reassure her. "Look, I'm not saying we're going to be able to replicate what you see on display here, it's just that I thought you might want to see the kind of pictures I was talking about -- and for my part, if I'm going to be standing behind the lens, I'd like to have a reference for what I'm doing, too."

Artemis nodded. "No, I understand now, Lily. You're absolutely right. It's a good idea to do research beforehoof." Turning her lips up a bit, she shook her head gently. "But I don't know if any of these are really appealing to me. Let's take a look at the other rack."

‘Oh, miss kinky-horseshoes is tired of the ordinary stuff already, is she?’

Well, that's all right. The photos of the 'regular' stuff on this side were probably faker than most, considering how they had to compete against each other. After a couple of steps, the two of them arrived side-by side, staring at the 'special interest' rack.

And what an especially interesting rack it was.

'S|T|R|I|P|E|D'

‘Yep, it's a magazine about zebras.’

The mare on the cover had a grass skirt around her waist, and bracelets made of shells and semi-precious stones on each of her four legs.

‘Really pushing the 'mare of the jungle' angle here.’

The text on the cover even proclaimed, 'In the wilds I beat the drums, what colt here can make me come?' But Lily wouldn't be at all surprised if the 'wilds' in question where this filly grew up were nothing more than the brick-and-cobblestone urban 'forest' of midtown Manehattan.

Shaking her head dismissively, she put it back and picked up another.

'NO HOOVES,' stylized as the word 'HOOVES' in black at an angle, with a red circle-backslash prohibition symbol stamped on top of it. And on the cover were a griffon hen, a young dragoness with her wings outstretched, and... a diamond dog bitch? Lily really couldn’t tell if that third one was a mare or not, but all three were looking seductively towards the reader, so she guessed so.

The subtitle read: 'PREMIERE ISSUE! Zero hooves, all action.'

Well, Celestia knows there were colts out there pining for who knows what. And not just colts, either -- another extra-species mag caught her eye.

'Taurus'

A huge-looking minotaur with a smoldering glare had his enormous, beefy arms crossed on the front, standing sideways with another one in the distance behind him flexing impressively. An inset photo shows an earth pony mare with her eyes rolled back into her head, a bull standing behind her, the area of contact obscured by a tacky yellow star-burst that reads 'Big Bulls with BIG BA**S'. Lily couldn’t even begin to imagine the kind of mare that would want to be mounted by one of those enormous bipeds. They couldn't pay her enough to get reamed out by a beast four or more times her size.

Two times bigger, maybe, sure.

Lily caught Sparkshower eyeing the minotaur magazine with awe, and slowly lowered it back down, as if to tell her 'no.'

‘Come on, there's got to be something in here both more reasonable and more relevant.’

'PLUMB WEIGHT'

‘Weird title.’

The front boasted a detailed drawing of a scarred-up mare with a funky-looking metal mask and a bandolier of knives around her waist and back. And all around her were ruins of buildings and strange-looking monsters. 'TARNA, WARRIOR-MARE OF ARZACH' said the text beneath her, while the mag's motto claimed to be 'Equestria's Greatest Illustrated Magazine.'

Sparkshower brightened up upon seeing it. "Oh, that looks pretty interesting! I like fantasy pulp fiction. But maybe that's not useful for the photoshoot."

Lily smiled and nodded. "Hey, if you want it for your own sake, it's yours."

Dropping it in the bag, Lily continued to scan the rack of magazines with her marefriend.

'PUFFY ONES'

‘Puffy whats, now?’

Lily scrunched up her muzzle trying to understand the cover. There was a mare with her plot towards the reader, but she was wearing some kind of underwear that hung low under her with a weird pair of bulg-- ‘oh, those are her teats.’

‘The buck? This has to be fake, there's no way they could be that big.’

'MORE THAN A HOOF-FULL! MARES OVERFLOWING BRAS!'

‘Overflowing what?’

‘The buck is a 'bra'? Is that what they're calling that weird underwear?’

Shaking her head, Lily lowered it back down. That one must be for the real deviants.

She glanced over and saw Sparkshower flipping through a magazine in her hooves. The pegasus swallowed as she turned another page.

"You know, it's a good thing there's nopony else in here."

Lily chuckled. "It's a Sunday afternoon on base. The commissary's always empty around now. Anypony who has weekend liberty is using it; and anybody who doesn't, is either on duty now or sleeping 'cause they're going on duty later." Nodding towards the black strip of cloth that separated this room from the main shopping aisles, she continued. "Besides, that's why the curtain doesn't go all the way to the floor -- so you can tell if somepony's already in here, in case you'd rather wait to do your browsing solo."

Lily shrugged and turned back to the shelves. "I don't think most colts care, though there's an unspoken rule about not making eye contact. And Celestia help the mare who trots in here when it's full of colts."

Sparkshower looked up from the magazine. "Does... does anything happen?"

Lily smirked. "No, but it can be pretty awkward for everypony all around." Shaking her head, she sighed. "Val sent me in here one time to grab him some 'reading material,' early in our relationship. I don't think he really cared about the magazines -- he just wanted to put me in a small room with five random colts shopping for pornography." Lily snorted dismissively. "He liked doing that; 'testing' his friends and his mares by creating awkward or dangerous scenarios. It was all a big game to him."

Her brow furrowed, Artemis looked up sympathetically. "It's not like that for you with Captain Mailedhoof, is it?"

Another snort escaped Lily’s nostrils. "No, but his charm is starting to wear off, too. Or maybe it's just because his family's in town, 'cause the Gala is so close. I guess the Officer's Club is about as far as he's willing to take me -- which is still a nice place to be, sure, but I was kinda hoping we'd get out into the city a bit, too, ya know?"

Lily guffawed. "It's not like he's got a reputation for discretion. He got snapped a few months ago in 'Canterlot Match' with another mare, sitting at a window table in a fancy restaurant. I guess that exposure finally drove a wedge in between him and his wife, so now he's being careful. Which means we're going nowhere the press can get to, I suppose."

Sparkshower put the magazine she'd been flipping through back on the shelf, and tentatively took another. "From where I'm sitting, Lily, neither seems like a particularly healthy relationship."

That was quite a statement.

"Healthy? Well, maybe. I mean, you gotta factor in that I went into each with different objectives." Looking up at the ceiling, Lily pawed a forehoof at her chin. "All I want from Mailedhoof is a little fun and glamour for a few months, or maybe even a year or two. Same as with any of my salt-licks. It's not like I'm holding out hopes he'll divorce his wife and take my hoof, though that sort of thing does happen -- and causes a scandal in the gossip pages, heh. But Mailedhoof will almost certainly get bored of me, eventually. With Valiant, though..."

Lily bobbed her head sideways as the uncomfortable memories surfaced.

"...I really thought we had something together. Despite everything despicable he's done, he actually is pretty brave, and really smart, and he can be awfully charming, too."

Lifting her eyebrows, she clicked her tongue on the side of her mouth. "tch... I think the hardest part about dealing with him is that although I despise him as a colt, I still gotta respect him as a pegasus and as a Royal Guard, ya know? I went into our duel all cocky, looking for some payback, but deep down I knew it was going to be a hard fight."

Sighing, Lily looked sideways at her pegasus comrade. "You know, Sparks, I tease you for it, but on some level I did kinda admire what you had going on with your hometown sweetheart. I know you had your problems even before Friday's explosive break-up, but there was something touching about the way you seemed to be so happy with him." Glancing down at the lower shelves, LIly sniffed in through her nostrils. "I don't think I'd be quite as content in your place, but it was nice to see somepony else in that situation."

She picked herself back up again, grimacing awkwardly. "...Sorry. I'm babbling a bit, aren't I? I shouldn't be rubbing salt in fresh wounds like this."

The pegasus stretched her forehooves up to shuffle through the magazines again, but didn’t seem phased. "It's okay, Lily. Losing Huckleberry still hurts, but I think I'm past breaking down in tears now, at least." Lifting her eyebrows, she turned to briefly look around the room. "I think I understand what you're saying. You think Huckleberry and I had the kind of relationship you can't find in these magazines."

Lily lifted her own eyebrows and followed Artemis’ gaze. "Yeah. That's a good way of putting it." She pointed at the pocket-novelettes. "I wouldn't be surprised if a bunch of those books were trying to sell something like it, though. That's their appeal."

Sparkshower just shook her head. "It's still just a fantasy, though. I'm sure they leave out all the hard work."

‘An astute observation.’

Lily nodded. "True."

The pegasus looked wistfully down at the pages between her hooves. "When I think about Huckleberry today, all I can remember is how much I put in, trying to make us both happy. That's what hurts right now; the feeling of all that effort going to waste."

She really seemed upset, so Lily put a hoof on her shoulder. "Hey. Fighting the good fight is never a waste, Sparks. Sometimes things are just out of your hooves."

The pegasus nodded, looking down at the magazine. "Yeah."

Lily glanced down as well and saw a two-page color advertisement for some kind of tackle supplier. It was surprisingly classy, with a range of saddles, bits, and bridles all presented on a black background and described in flowery prose. 'Sellerie Chevalier de Colbért. Finest quality tackle by craftspony masters. Prench designs for an intimate feel. Trust your ride or rider with nothing less.'

Before Lily could get into the details, Artemis closed the magazine and held it up. "I think I'd like to get this one."

The title read simply, 'Dressage.' And on the cover there was a full body shot of a white earth pony mare with a blonde mane, sitting innocently on her haunches, wearing a dark black leather saddle, bit, bridle, and even a pair of matching black blinders. In her mouth, she was holding a coiled-up whip. The absence of any other text on the cover, besides the price and a 'Vol 3, Issue 2' in small print, was usually a good sign that this was a magazine for connoisseurs.

Lily lifted her eyebrows. "Seems nice. Okay. You want to look for another?"

Artemis shook her head. "No, I think this'll do for now. Let's grab a few rolls of film from the photo desk before we leave, too. Some developer and fixer, if they have any, too -- it'll be cheaper and faster if I develop the images myself. Not to mention, it'll be more private."

As she slipped 'Dressage' into the brown paper bag, where it joined 'Plumb Weight,' 'Rustler,' 'Hayloft,' and 'Playfoal,' Sparkshower grimaced. "I really don't want anypony else seeing these photographs until I'm comfortable with them, after all. I'm not even going to print them unless I'm really sure about it. They can stay as negatives; I've got a loupe, and looking at them with inverted light doesn't bother me."

Lily chuckled. "Ah, mare. You're all timid and soft-hoofing it now, but I know you ain't gonna keep playing like that. I still remember how you blasted Joker out of the sky. And you're a good looking pegasus, so just you wait -- when you're ready, print 'em up and show 'em to the right ponies, and one of these pics we snap will wind up making you a centerfold."

That suggestion made her eyes go wide, and Lily snorted with amusement as she led the pegasus out of that little room of wonders.

---

Suggested interlude music: J. Geils Band - 'Centerfold' [1981]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqDjMZKf-wg

Next Chapter: Chapter 114 Estimated time remaining: 12 Hours, 2 Minutes