Three years into your exile, and you think you are finally making progress. You moved your workshop to Manehattan, to distance yourself from all the sickeningly sweet matrimony in Canterlot. You have a small army of mares scrying through the dimensions, yielding some interesting finds. A plane of elemental water, for instance. Now you can drink pure, slightly magically charged water whenever you want. You even found a promisingly open stretch of planes in the direction of the Prime.

One even has elves! Primitive, inbred, and spouting some nonsense about destroying the world to wake the dreamer, but elves! You make a note to come back to them in 50 years or so and reign over them as a wrathful queen goddess. Hopefully, they will have figured out cleaning spells by then. No respectable queen goddess cleans her pleasure slaves herself, after all. You are roused from your idle fantasy by your ward pinging with a familiar thaumic signature. You warp to the door and open it.

“Princess Twilight, it's good to see you again."

Your...friend, maybe best friend shifts nervously. She clears her throat.

"It's good to see you too, Lowyn. Could I come in? I have some news for you."

You raise your eyebrows, but nod. You lead her into one of your favorite sitting rooms where a servant has prepared fresh tea. You sit down and take a cup, and Twilight does the same. For some reason she is looking downward more often than usual. You gesture with your cup to her.

"So, what is this news that has you so nervous?"

She sips her tea to wet her mouth.

"You remember when we summoned Femanon?"

You nod, suppressing a grimace at the memories of that time. Twilight continues, "We've refined the spell some, and well. I believe I summoned my soulmate."

You feel a faint pang in your heart, but you smile at her.

"Congratulations! I must confess, I am rather curious what they are like. Will I be meeting them soon?"

Your friend ruffles her wings.

"There's more. He's, well, an elf."

You feel like you are struck by lightning without wards. You surge to your feet, your tea spilling.

"Is he from the Prime? Does he have a way back?"

Twilight leans back in surprise, then laughs weakly.

"He is from the Prime, but he's as stuck as you are."

You drift back to your seat, heart light with relief. An actual civilized elf! Then a thought occurs to you. Twilight wouldn't be this nervous if she was just letting you know she got a boyfriend. You swallow. You look into her eyes.

"Are you here to invite me to herd with you?"

If he is good enough to be her soulmate, he can't be too bad. Twilight looks a little sick at the thought.

"No! That's, I mean you and he..."

Some of the hurt you are feeling must have shown on your face, because she climbs into the chair with you and wraps a wing around your back.

"I would never ask you to herd with your brother. It wouldn't be right."

You blink.

"My what?"

A figure erupts from Twilight's shadow. Despite that nostalgic signature, you throw a firebolt at it. Lellmaeo snuffs it out with his hand and grins.

"It's good to see you too, sister!"

You try to scowl at him, the idiot is still wearing his skimpy drow costume, but it's no use. You practically tackle him and cling to him with all your strength as sobs escape your throat. You feel him tense.

"Woah, there there. Um."

You sniffle, the cosmetic enchantment banishing your tears and snot as you hold onto an achingly familiar piece of home. Your brother hesitantly wraps you in a loose embrace and rubs your back. You breathe deep, inhaling the scent of mushrooms and artfully musky male elf scent. Then you feel yourself melt down there, and you hurriedly push yourself away from him. You stare at his bewildered expression and blush at losing your dignity to such a degree.

"It is good to see you, Maeo."

He smooths down his husbandbeaten top awkwardly.

"I take it you've had a hard time out here? I haven't seen too much of the plane, but it seems... minimalistic."

You glance at Twilight, who is rolling her eyes at your brother.

"Let's just say I've had more than a few setbacks. At least I've been able to make a friend."

Lellmaeo sits down in a spare chair.

"You too, huh? I guess the curse did affect the whole family."

You blink.

"We've been cursed?"

Maeo shrugs.

"Remember four or five years ago, when Father made an eclipse because he was hungover? Turns out Lumena, Goddess of Light, took offense to that."

You facepalm.

"Dad..."

Your brother chuckles.

"Yeah, so our family was cursed with bad luck. Then she sent some human archmage as her champion, who promptly seduced Father's advisors and deposed him. Last I heard, he is living in exile with an orc mistress."

You can't help but laugh.

"Dad, of all people, race mixing?"

Lellmaeo shrugs.

"He didn't have much of a choice, at least at first. By the time the binding on his magic wore off, he didn't want to leave what's her name."

Twilight pales.

"That's horrible! I am so sorry for your family!"

You exchange a glance with your brother.

"It's not so bad, Twilight. If dad really didn't want to be an orc's sex slave, he'd just kill her. At least it's easier on the royal funds than a drow mistress."

Lellmaeo blushes. Twilight stares at him.

"...do I want to know?"

He smiles sheepishly.

"We never did anything, since she was there for Father, but she showed me some training exercises and gave me a few books."

Twilight glances at you. You smirk.

"It was rather cute, like a duckling following a dragon. Glamour your fur black and your mane white and he'll be putty in your hooves."

Twilight looks at Lellmaeo thoughtfully.

"I'll have to try that."

His blush deepens. You blink.

"What about mom?"

Maeo takes a deep breath.

"Well, when the Champion of Lumena deposed Father, he sorta...took her as his chief concubine."

He visibly braces for your reaction.You frown.

"Is she...happy?"

Lellmaeo looks at you in surprise.

"Uh, yes, actually."

You stare at him.

"She actually said that?"

He shrugs.

"Apparently, every night is like a sleepover with the other concubines, the human cuddles after...and uh, he has a big d-"

You clap your hands over your ears.

"Enough! I really don't need to know about that. At least she is happy."

Maeo laughs, and Twilight is smiling. You let out a weary chuckle.

"So when are you two getting married or whatever?"

Your brother looks at Twilight. She puffs up her tuft and looks you straight in the eyes.

"As the oldest reachable mare in his family, I am asking you for his hand in marriage."

Oh, right. You straighten up and assume a stern expression.

"Do you promise to take care of him when he is being an idiot, and to cherish him despite his weird fetishes and obsession with drow culture?"

Maeo squawks in protest, but Twilight nods gravely.

"I swear by my horn and heart, I will rein him in when needed and I always wanted a big testes goth coltfriend."

You lay a firm hand on her withers.

"Then I grant you my blessing to marry him, just don't come running to me about your sex life."

Twilight hugs you, nuzzling against your cheek.

"Thank you, this means a lot to me."

You give her a quick hug, then let her go.

"You're welcome."

Lellmaeo smiles fondly at you.

"The rural life agrees with you, sister. You are far more relaxed than I have ever seen you."

You shrug.

"It's not all bad out here. Once I find a way back, I think I will live here semi-permanently, just to escape the public eye if nothing else."

In the following month, you met with Cadance a few times, memorizing the spell matrix for summoning a soulmate from across the planes. You find it fascinating, the way it slips in and out of the four dimensions, incorporating familiar and utterly alien components. At long last, you are ready. You prepare an isolated room with cushions, snacks, alcohol of various types, and three different flavors of ice cream in a cold enchanted box. You open a portal to the patch of forest and cast the spell. At once, a roiling rift of pink plasma opens in the air, and you see shadows of countless figures flicker around it.

You stare anxiously for something, anything, to appear. Nothing. Not for the next five minutes, or the ten after that. You retreat to a luxurious chair and start sipping a wine that is half as old as you are.

An hour later, you have started in on the snacks, only keeping the rift in the corner of your eye. Three hours after that, the sun is beginning to set, and nothing has come out of the rift for you. You refuse to name the fear in your heart. When the moon rises, you haven't fully given up, but you are eating ice cream and reading neighponese comics by the pink light of the rift.

You wake up the next morning, not remembering when you fell asleep. You look around to find yourself completely alone, the rift and portal having closed when you lost consciousness. Your heart sinks. Across a nearly infinite number of planes, is there not one soul to complement yours? Are you still cursed, even though everyone else in your family has found happiness? Are you completely unlovable? Something inside you breaks.

You fall back on a cushion and tremble as tears are banished by your cosmetic enchantment. In a fit of pique, you dispel the enchantment. The warm, wet feeling of tears streaming down your face is oddly satisfying. You conjure a mirror and stare at it. You turn your head to the right and the left, admiring the glistening trails on your face. You are objectively beautiful; of that you are absolutely sure.

"I am beautiful. I have friends and family that care for me. I am powerful. I am brilliant. I am sexy."

Even as you say the words, they are as hollow as they are true. You dismiss the mirror, suddenly sick of seeing your face. You lay back on the cushion and close your eyes.

That is how Lellmaeo and Twilight find you an hour later. Your brother zaps you with a sobering spell, which does almost nothing except make you sigh. Twilight looks at you in concern.

"I know you don't really deal well with seeing other ponies happy, but we still would love to see you at our wedding. You mean a lot to us, Lowyn."

Maeo nods seriously.

"We really need someone to spike the punch and harass the waitstaff, and you're the best woman for the job. Come on, put those years of apprenticeship under uncle Mordy to use."

You chuckle at that and slowly get up. You banish whatever residue accumulated on your skin overnight and summon your bridesmaid dress directly onto your body.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go."

You put on a smile that has a smidgeon of sincere emotion behind it. Twilight and Maeo exchange a glance, then give you a big hug. You sigh again, but with less ennui. When they let go, you give them a genuine smile, then teleport the three of you to the venue. The sooner you are done with this, the better.

After walking your brother down the aisle, the ceremony was pleasant, if boring. At the reception, you make sure to avoid the humans and your sto- liberated creation. For their part, they are happy to do the same, starting an arm and/or hoof wrestling tournament off to the side. Celestia is the first to come your way, her face a careful mask in front of all the nobility mingling around.

"I do believe this is the first Equestrian wedding you have attended. What do you think so far?"

Is that a hint of censure? It's impossible to tell, Celestia has too much practice in statecraft. You smile faintly.

"Every bit as tedious as elven ceremonies, though less ornate."

Celestia nods.

"...It's good to see you being social again. I had worried...well, perhaps we can meet for tea sometime and catch up."

You smile fondly at the old mare. She is far too much like your mother for her own good. You put a hand on her withers.

"I would like that. Maybe sometime next week? I'll have my secretary meet with yours."

Celestia looks at you in surprise, then with a subtle undercurrent of joy.

"I'm looking forward to it."

At that moment, you hear splintering wood, and Celestia sighs.

"I should go and tend to my husband's bruised hand and ego. See you next week."

You give her a pat on the neck.

"Until then. Good luck."

Moving on, you find Luna watching Krork suspiciously as Anon steps to the newly repaired table. You sidle up to her.

"There's no shame in losing to a golem in a test of strength."

Luna snorts.

"I am aware. But I suspect Krork is taunting them."

You nod.

"I have noticed humans can be... easily provoked."

She sighs.

"I suppose that is the price I pay for a husband so eager in the bedroom."

You'd rather she not expand on that sentiment, so you subtly lead her to the refreshments, which just so happens to have a punch bowl. You look at Luna with a gleam in your eye.

"Shall we see how refreshing the offerings truly are?"

You subtly flash a vial of 150 proof rum in the palm of your hand. Luna smirks, producing a hip flask from the pit of her wing. You cast an illusion to obscure your movements and pour your contribution into the bowl while Luna does the same with her booze. You take the ladle and stir the punch. Luna coughs.

"Sister is coming this way, act natural."

You drop the illusion and banish the vial. You idly wonder if the debris you scatter to random planes will seed them with life. Maybe you should do so more deliberately, so that future generations will benefit from more interesting wildlife to harvest. By the time you decide it would be too much trouble, Celestia is eyeing you and Luna with suspicion from across the table.

"Having fun?"

You are so glad your cosmetic enchantment banishes your nervous sweat.

"So far. Have you tried the cake?"

Luna snorts. Celestia shoots her a look.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I have. I would definitely recommend it."

Then Celestia picks up the ladle with her magic and pours the punch into her cup. Luna's legs are tensed to run, and you can practically taste the charge running under the surface of her horn. You aren't much better; you have your teleportation spell primed and ready. Celestia takes a sip and her eyebrows rise.

"This is quite good."

Then she winks at you and strolls away. You let out a long, slow breath as the adrenaline drains from your body. Luna chuckles ruefully.

"I'll get her next time."

You pat her neck.

“I'll be rooting for you."

The reception is markedly more enjoyable with most of the guests stumbling around drunkenly. Twilight and Maeo give you a grateful wave as they slip out in the confusion. You decide to follow their lead and head out. Canterlot at night is fairly pleasant, and you take a moment or two to admire Luna's work. If you are being quite honest with yourself, that wasn't as bad as you thought it would be.

But when you lower your eyes from the night sky, you still feel that emptiness in your heart. Your eyes fall on a bar called "Rolls and Barrels" and you go inside to check it out. True to the name, the scent of alcohol and baked goods suffuses the barroom. As you walk inside, you vaguely recognize an earthpony stallion at the bar. You think you remember him from one of the families of Twilght's friends.

Compared to the rest of the bar, this island of familiarity felt a little more comfortable, so you sit by him and order a scotch whiskey. He glances at you as the bartender places the glass in front of you. You make a small gesture and reach into a rift to drop two ice cubes of elemental water into your drink. Gratifyingly, the stallion is visibly impressed. You smirk at him.

"I am Princess Ellowynelle, highest mage of the Silver Willow Order of Magi, mistress of all disciplines. Who might you be?"

He blushes and looks down at his martini.

"I am Caramel, your royal highness. I make confections in Ponyville."

Looking at him, he's not that bad. Lithe around the barrel, with a candy-maker’s thick thighs. Stars, all those dough gin sheets have warped your tastes in males.
Fuck it. You don't have a soulmate, so there's nothing wrong with playing around a little.

"A sweet name for a sweet stallion. Do you like seeing magic?"

He looks at you sidelong, trying to be coy.

"I may be an earthpony, but I live close enough to Canterlot that ordinary spells won't impress me."

You grin and spin a spell circle in the air and blow into it. Your breath is converted into a swarm of multicolored glowing butterflies, swirling around him, and settling on his face before dissolving into motes of light. When the last fades, he stares at you in wonder.

"That was beautiful, I've never seen magic like that before!"

You preen a little at the compliment.

"Thank you, I composed the spell myself."

Caramel shifts a little on his stool.

"I'd love to see more, if you have the time."

You knock back your whiskey and stand up.

"Come on, I can't show you my best spells indoors."

As you lay on the grass beside Caramel, you set the sparks to gently rain down on the two of you. It's a nice break from the gouts of fire and shards of ice you were throwing around artfully, not to mention your other flashier spells. Caramel sighs happily.

"I don't think I'll ever forget this night. "

You wonder if he'd let you squeeze his butt now. He licks his lips.

"I don't think I told you why I like seeing spells like this, did I?"

You blink and try to pay attention.

“No, you haven't."

"Mom left when I was born, and Dad had to hire a babysitter for me while he worked. He was a unicorn, and he would practice spells while he babysat me. Little things like making my teddy bear dance or writing my name in glowing lines."

Caramel smiles fondly, staring into the night sky.

"He once spent an entire month working on a spell to make shadow puppets perform my bedtime story."

Then Caramel sighs.

"And when I turned ten, his family moved back to Canterlot. Dad said I was old enough to take care of myself, and I was. But that didn't make home any less lonely."

You reach over and hold his forehoof. You say, "I know a little of what that was like. My parents were too busy ruling the kingdom to take care of me when I was young, so I was raised by the servants until Uncle Mordy took me on as his apprentice. Maybe that's why..."

Why you are too broken to have a soulmate. Caramel turns to you and squeezes your hand with his hoof-grabby-field.

"I think we turned out alright. I'm a successful business stallion,"

“And I'm stranded far from home because I got drunk while showing off."

He reaches over and boops your nose.

"And you're the personal friend of the princesses, not to mention your thriving divination business. You should be proud of yourself."

You blink.

“I should be proud of myself, shouldn't I."

Caramel nods firmly. You smile at him and rub your thumb over the soft flesh of his hoof
He shivers, and not from the cold of night. You turn over and put your hands on either side of his head. He stares up at you, blushing demurely. You lean down and kiss his lips, long buried hopes and emotions rising like a tide within you. He tastes sweet, his clever tongue brazenly meeting yours for a passionate dance. You place a hand on his firm barrel, feeling his warmth and his racing heartbeat as he loses himself in the kiss. Eventually, you break the kiss and lean down to whisper in his ear.

"Shall I teleport you to my place? I have all sorts of spells I just know you want to...experience."

Something bumps against your elbow. You glance down to see he is out of his sheath. Caramel whimpers longingly.

"Take me."

You grin and teleport the two of you directly to your bed. You're going to have fun

You wake up the next morning sticky all over, sore in a pleasant sort of way that you have missed these three long years. You glance over at your bedmate and give him a kiss on the nose. He scrunches in his sleep but doesn't stir. Adorable.

You really wore him out, didn't you? You gracefully shuffle out of bed and clean the worst of it off your body with a simple spell. Then you conjure hot, lavender scented water into the wide tub and ease yourself in. You feel at one with the heat, utterly relaxed, practically melting. Then a ward pings, and you wave to let the auditory projection through.

"Good Morning, Cadence. I trust the wedding wrapped up well?"

"No thanks to you."

You can hear the amusement in her voice. She continues,

"Speaking of which, I had wanted to talk to you. I noticed you cast the Amore Infinitum spell last night, but you came to the wedding without a date. Why didn't you bring your destined mate?"

You groan and sink a little deeper in the water.

"Didn't work."

"...The spell fizzled?"

You sigh.

"No, it did everything it was supposed to do, except fetch me someone to love from across the multiverse. Apparently, I don't have a soulmate."

"Lowyn, what are you talking about? If no one came through the rift, that just means your mate is on this plane. Besides, I can feel your bond from here, you already consummated with your destiny."

What-

That-

You actually-

You start trembling, your mind whirling at the revelation.

"Lowyn? Are you alright?"

You laugh shakily.

"I met him in a bar. My soulmate."

"Well, that's how about half of ponies do it nowadays, yes. You should bring him over to the palace, I'm sure the girls and I would love to see you two together."

You rub your face.

"Sure, sure, I'll see you later. And thanks, Cadance. I...had sort of lost hope."

"You are more than welcome. There's nothing better than helping my friends and family find love."

The projection dissipates, and you lay your head back. A few minutes later, you hear the clopping of hooves on tiles.

"Mind if I join you?"

You wave absently, and feel the waters rise as Caramel slides into the bath. You raise your head to look at him, memorizing his contented face. You won't have as much time to spend looking for a way back home, but that's alright. You have a perfectly good home right here, with all you have ever truly wanted.