This marks the end of Volume 4.5. Volume 5, Sins of Humanity, will begin after a brief word from our sponsors.

Well...this day was a...weird one. Probably the weirdest day I have had in some time. And it did not even involve one of those enchanted Power Pony comic books.

I had just shown up at work at the spa on my first Thursday back in town and was quickly stopped by Lotus once I entered the lobby. She was quick to get my attention once I neared the front desk. "Oh, James! Just wanted to let you know that you've been given the evening off starting at noon."

"Huh? But I just got back last week. Isn't it a little early to start giving me extra days off?" I asked while a bit perplexed over where this was coming from. This was only my second workday at the spa since my return from Capricorn Island, but I was being given a half day? Surely there would be some complaints from the customers, especially those who were looking forward to my massages.

Lotus then explained, "I know, but Miss Twilight Sparkle came by and firmly requested that you be allowed to have the afternoon off for some sort of planned event together in Canterlot. She insisted that you had to be there. Like the last few times."

I titled my head to the side as I tried to recall what she was referring to. And then it hit me. "Canterlot? Again? What did... Oh nooo, not this again..."

I clocked in and made my way to my workstation over by the massage tables while not looking forward to that evening. Because I knew where this was going. Twilight wanted me to come along for the evening to serve as her wingman for the bi-monthly family nights her parents insist on having with her.

I know I probably have not discussed Twilight Sparkle's family in a long time and I distinctly remember having nice things to say about them last time. Let me just say right now that they must have been having a really good day at the time because my opinions for the two of them have drastically soured since shortly afterward and Twilight Sparkle herself seems to share the sentiment to a certain degree. It is very clear to me that mental illness runs in the family. And on both sides. It is no small wonder that Twilight definitely has some issues, but I am most proud of her for being self-aware about it enough to cope with her neurosis. It has gotten to the point where she seldom exhibits symptoms anymore. Her parents...do not share her awareness.

I suppose I should get the good out of the way first. Her father, Night Light, is the most amicable of the two. He clearly suffers from a moderate case of OCD with a penchant for numbers. Because of him, I can see where Twilight gets her organizational skills. I easily like him the most out of the two. As for her mother, Twilight Velvet... I do not know what is up with that mare, but she is easily the most messed up of the two. Pleasant, but...off in such bizarre and insufferable ways at times. There have been times where she has engaged in stunts that an adrenaline junkie would pull off, yet has mentioned how 'calm' the activities make her feel. As someone who personally knows an adrenaline junkie, namely Rainbow Dash, that is not how adrenaline junkies work. They do what they do to feel the rush and thrill that comes from such experiences. Adrenaline induces a rush of tenseness, not calm. Something must be genuinely wrong with Twilight Velvet's head for her to get such a sensation out of those bold activities that she should be getting out of something like yoga. She is a successful author however, so I suppose she is not entirely nonfunctional in society.

Shining Armor seems to go out of his way to keep himself busy when these family nights come up just so he will not have to deal with his parents, and I certainly understand where he is coming from by this point. He appears to be the lucky one, having not inherited any psychological issues from his parents. When it comes to Twilight, I think her parents, especially in the case of her mother, serve as a cautionary tale for her. She really has put a lot of effort into insuring that she does not end up like Velvet and I applaud her dedication to maintaining her mental health. Not that she does not slip on occasion, but a little controlled chaos is healthy at times. Unfortunately, she cannot evade her parents forever. I suppose it is good that the two of them try to set aside time for their kids even after they have established their own lives away from home, but it is a problem that they have no self-awareness when it comes to their mental health issues. Still, while I was not in a hurry to see them again, I did not want Twilight to suffer alone through it.

My shift went by well enough. I got to interact with some of my regulars that I did not get to see on Tuesday as I gave them massages. I was worried that I would be a little rusty after two weeks away, but I got back into the swing of things just fine. Eventually, three hours went by and it was time for me to clock out. I intended to stop by the café to get some lunch before heading on up to Canterlot at the train station.

Roughly half the outdoor tables were in use by the time I arrived, but it was too nice to eat indoors. I pulled up a stool to a table and was soon given a menu by the waiter as he made his rounds. But not even a minute after opening the menu, I thought I noticed some movement right over the top. And when I lowered it, I saw none other than Pinkie Pie looking back at me. "Hi! Mind if I join you?"

"Hey there, Pinkie. Sure, pull up a seat." I replied while Pinkie Pie did just that. She reached over and grabbed a menu from a table that had just been deserted to look through it herself. "You just now started your lunch break too?"

"Uh huh! Perfect timing since I got to have it with you!" She said cheerfully while looking through the menu as it sat on the table before her. She then looked at me as she spoke with a smile, "Thanks again for all those goodies from Capricorn Island! I looooved the nougat bars with all that fruit in them. And the honey drop candy was so sweet too! They got some really good stuff out there!"

"And they do it with minimal sugar. You wouldn't expect an island with very little sugarcane to come up with such delicious desserts." I replied while looking over the menu. I was almost disappointed to see no mention of fish, but I had to remind myself that I was not on that island anymore.

Pinkie Pie soon closed her menu before looking over at me. "Soooo, whatcha doing today? You heading back to work? Lots of ponies were disappointed that you weren't there for a while."

"Actually, I'm done for the day. Twilight is...dragging me up to Canterlot again." I explained as I too set my menu aside. I tried not to think about what a nuisance Twilight Velvet would likely be that evening. I did not want to weaken my appetite.

"Huh? Twilight got them to give you the evening off? Why would... Ooooooh, that... She needs some backup, huh? With her parents? Who are both loco in the coco?" Pinkie Pie asked while starting to catch onto the situation.

I rolled my eyes, not surprised that she was aware of it. "Yeah, except her mom is even more loco in the coco than her dad."

"And Twilight says I'm random!" Pinkie Pie said with a giggle before leaning on the table. "Guess we're not so different! She's always the smart one, but her parents are just weird! My parents are really old fashioned and down to earth, but I'm the one who's loco in the coco!"

"I think we've said 'loco in the coco' enough to meet the episode quota by now. That's something you would say, right?" I retorted while having gotten to the point of almost being able to anticipate Pinkie Pie's more nonsensical ramblings. Sometimes.

My goofy friend reached out and patted me on the head from across the table, her arm stretching just enough to reach me. "That's our James! He's a good learner! And yeah, I'd say I've had enough coco for my little loco head for today."

It was then that I noticed something about what she said. "Say... Maybe it's just been a long time since we last talked about them, but since we're on the topic of weird parents, what're your folks like?"

"Oh, mine?" Pinkie Pie replied while the waiter set out our food, consisting of sandwich and salad combos. She hardly even noticed while she started eating regardless. "Well, you've already met Maud. She really likes you. But for my parents, we've got Cloudy Quartz and Igneous Rock. They're really old fashioned ponies in the rock farm industry. Maybe even too old fashioned. I was pretty glad to get outta there when I did and start fresh in Ponyville."

"I still cannot fathom how you can even harvest a rock farm... I mean I get that quarries do that sort of thing, but an actual farm? What, is it like a mine set above ground?" I asked as I took a bite of my sandwich while periodically sipping from my bottle of icy cold sarsaparilla.

"Uh huh, pretty much. Pickaxes and all that stuff, but no digging tunnels or anything like that. And the rocks just keep growing back! I guess that's how rock farms started popping up. They just get set around places where the rocks naturally accumulate even when some are removed. That's magic for you!" Pinkie Pie explained before chugging her bottle of sarsaparilla to wet her whistle. "But it's really not for everypony. Especially the really old fashioned rock farms like the ones my parents run."

"Hence why you're here instead of there, right?" I asked while taking a crunch of my salad. "It's good to have you here, Pinkie. You make Ponyville a little extra special."

"Mmhm! It's good to be here, James!" She exclaimed before chomping down the rest of her sandwich. "I should introduce you to my sisters sometime too! I just know Marble's gonna love you!"

"Your sisters? Marble? Um... Oh right, you have three. What were their names again? The other two. Marble and.....Limestone?" I asked while trying to recall prior discussions about them.

"Yep! And Limestone helps run the place. I think she's even next in line to take over the family business." Pinkie Pie explained as I tried to imagine what her sisters even look like. I failed, though I had to wonder if I would ever cross paths with them.

We finished up our meal just fine and set a stack of bits on the table as payment. Pinkie Pie then looked up at me and asked, "Guess you better get going, huh? Don't let Twilight's crazy mama get to you. At least she'll be there."

"Yeah, I wouldn't even consider going if Twilight didn't have my back." I grumbled while knowing we were both going to get into the liquor cabinet in the library when we got back. "Anyway, it was good talking to you. Have a good one, Pinkie."

"You too, James! See ya!" Pinkie Pie retorted before trotting away with a song in her throat. Now full and satisfied and in a better mood thanks to Pinkie Pie's company during lunch, I made my way to the train station. Twilight was likely already up there in Canterlot and ready to escort me to her parents' house.

Before long, I was on my way up the mountain at the back of the train with no one else around. It was a light crowd on the train at the time with all the other passengers seated in the forward cars. I enjoyed watching the scenery through the window, especially as the train started to make its way up the mountain. But that was where the weirdness factor for my day started to kick in.

As the train started to loop around the mountain to the eastern side of it, I though I heard a distinct buzzing sound in the distance. It took me a moment to recognize it, but I soon remembered the sound of the Olympia's engines from not even a week ago. It was likely an airship coming in to dock up at the summit. But as the seconds ticked by, it started to get louder. And louder. And so loud that I was certain the airship was right outside the train. "Got a low flier today, from the sound of it..."

The sound of the airship engines was so noisy, even with the windows closed. But I suddenly noticed it get even louder out of nowhere as if someone had just opened the door to the back of the train. I glanced to my left, but then stared cockeyed at a sight I could not have anticipated. I thought I was looking at a pair of hippogriffs at first, but I was quick to notice a distinct lack of equine features. And they were standing on only two legs. "What in the..."

Birds. Two towering birds that were at least my height stood before me with both of them holding a large burlap sack together. Each of them were mostly green, the taller of the two looking impressively muscular with the other being only slightly shorter while looking quite lean yet somehow more imposing. Their beaks definitely did not match those of any other avian creature I had seen, looking more like the beaks of parrots than seabirds or raptors. Their legs were at least anatomically correct, having proper bird feet with the correct direction for the joints in the knees. The bulkier bird was clad in a very simple sleeveless tanned shirt with black shoulder pads secured to the tops of the arm holes and a pair of dark red trousers while a red bandanna or skullcap was tightly affixed to his scalp. He then glanced at his companion and asked, "This the guy, Mullet?"

I briefly gazed at his companion. Same shade of green with dark trousers and a sleeveless vest that almost looked like a type of soft armor. A plume of bold red feathers stuck out from the back of his head, each ending in trimmed flat tips while a black skullcap was secured over his scalp. His hands were free of feathers with his exposed flesh being an even darker shade of green. I noticed that his right eye was covered by an eye patch, though his other eye was circled by a ring of red followed by a ring of yellow. I noticed that they both had long tails dragging along the floor, but I could not tell if they were just feathers or if there was actual mass to it. The bird with an eye patch gave me a rather menacing smirk as he spoke with an intimidating deep voice. "Aye, he is. One of a kind, just like the captain said."

After a moment of staring, I began to wonder if I was hallucinating. Griffons and hippogriffs are one thing, but what were these guys? Just tall bipedal birds with arms instead of wings. They were even wearing clothes like me. Probably the most human race of creatures I had ever encountered in Equestria. Not entirely sure what to make of the situation, I turned away while utterly perplexed. "What did Pinkie Pie spike my drink with when I wasn't looking...?"

As it turned out, these two birds were anything but a hallucination. Next thing I knew, everything went dark as the two of them snatched me up in that sack and secured me inside it. "What the?! Hey! Did Twilight's psycho mom put you up to this?!"

"No idea what you're going on about, beanpole. The captain had her eyes on you, and what the captain says goes." I heard the burlier of the two birds respond as I felt myself being slung over his shoulder. It felt like he was ascending a rope ladder as the buzz of an airship's propellers hummed loudly nearby. Was I really being kidnapped right off the train?! Before long, it felt like we were on solid ground. Or more like a wooden deck by the sounds of it. "Good call, captain! He was right where you said he was! Only one of his kind, right here. And no one even saw us."

I was most surprised to hear a woman speak in response. "Good work, boys. Hold him steady while I increase altitude. Take him to the hold in the meantime."

"Aye, captain." I heard the bird with the eye patch respond before the sound of the engines became more muffled. We were likely going below deck. With the bag so tight around me that I could barely move my arms, I could not get enough leverage to try and free myself. Nor did I have anything sharp on hand to tear my way out. The sack was sealed tight. Thank goodness it was not made of an airtight material. I then heard the deep voice of one of my captors ask, "Hey, dogmeat. You still breathing in there?"

Just as I was about to give a response, I had an idea. Maybe if I played dead, they would let me out and I could get an opportunity. I stayed as limp and silent as possible while breathing very lightly. I felt someone pat me on the back. "Hey! You're still alive in there, right?!"

I began to smirk. It was starting to work. However, the buffest of the two birds then said, "Maybe we should check. You got your dagger on you, Mullet? A good poke should be enough."

"Whoa, OK! Yeah, I'm good! I'm good!" I yelped upon hearing that unintended threat. The two birds burst into laughter, apparently not expecting me to give them such a panicked response. I decided to not risk anything from that point on, understanding I was completely helpless for the moment.

I was dropped rather clumsily onto what I assume was a stash of soft junk. The two birds then left the room without much word, the door closing behind them. I set my head back down in the sack, still not entirely certain how to process the situation. "What's next...? Like my afternoon couldn't get any worse..."

Maybe ten minutes later, I heard approaching footsteps from beyond the door followed by the creaking hinges of it opening. The voice of the woman reached my ears as she asked, "You holding up in here?"

"You talking to me?" I asked with no way to really see my surroundings. I was not really in the mood for conversation. Especially not with them.

"I'll take that as a yes." She replied before someone picked me up and sat me down on a chair. I was seated comfortably on something even if I was still trapped in that sack. I then felt something tap me on the head a few times, but it did not feel like a finger. I was then startled by what sounded like a parrot letting out a squawk from right behind my head. The woman then said, "Easy there, Squabble. Leave the hostage alone."

A hostage... Great. Not only kidnapped, but likely being held for ransom too. I heard a rip as I saw a small steel blade tear through the sack before it fell open to release me. The room was dimly lit by an oil lantern suspended from the ceiling above. I recognized the two birds that had grabbed me, but I also noticed the burlier one had a brass prosthetic device attached to his right arm just below the elbow. It ended with a distinct hook. That was when it dawned on me. Eye patches. A hook for a hand. Pirates.

Pirates! Of all things! In sheer exasperation, I hunched forward as I tried to wrap my head around what I was seeing. "Oh for god's sake, are pirates even a thing in Equestria?!"

"What you see is what you get, boy." The woman's voice spoke as I noticed someone step past the two birds who had nabbed me off the train. Tall and slender, another bird stood before me. And clearly female. She was easily the best dressed of the bunch I had seen thus far, to the point where I could even say she was beautiful. But that only made me more wary. She seemed to be a type of parrot as well with an orange beak, her plumage consisting of a creamy white while her exposed hands were of a vibrant pink not unlike that of many types of tropical birds. Her attire consisted of what seemed to be a highly stylized sleeveless gambeson with a tall collar around the back of the neck, the coat section draped along her sides and back while segments resembling armor consisting of an almost golden color covered most of her torso with a green sash around the waist. Her attire was topped off by a wide dark tricorne hat with the flaps lowered that had a very long scarlet feather sticking out of the top. I noticed a long flowing minty green tail feather sticking out under her coat that was clearly lacking in body mass. A tuft of equally green feathers was sticking out of her brow while longer green feathers hung down the back of her head as if styled in a manner similar to hair. A thick circular earring hung from one if the tufts of feathers sticking out of the side of her head that brought to mind those on a hippogriff that point to the location of their ears. And right next to that earring on her cheek was a little black imperfection in her plumage that strongly resembled a beauty mark. As my eyes drifted lower, I noticed that her left leg had some metal braces over her shin and ankle that matched the golden colors of the more armored components of her coat. But her right... It was missing just below the knee. All I saw was a solid stick of a green gemstone serving as a peg leg. Emerald, perhaps? She then leaned forward to get a closer look at me, her beak curving into a smirk as her rose-hued eyes gazed at me with a distinct smugness to her glare while I noticed a ring of minty green eyeshadow just above their lids. "Looks like we called it right, boys. One of a kind. Doesn't get any rarer than this."

I was starting to feel more annoyed than intimidated. Especially when the captain reached out and held my face in her hand. "Soft too. Would almost look cute if not for that scowl."

"Yeah, he's looking a little on the grumpy side, captain. Think we should enlighten him to the reality of his situation?" The burlier of the two bird men behind her asked while adjusting the hook on his right arm. While still not intimidated, I was more than just a bit wary about the situation I was in. I was unarmed and I am not confident with putting up a fight with my bare hands. If they were really pirates, surely they had weapons lying around.

The captain looked back at her crewman and waved a finger at him. "Easy, Boyle. We're not going to rough our guest up."

She then looked back at me and brought her head down to be closer in elevation to my own while I remained seated where I was. She seemed sweet. Maybe too sweet. It was hard to tell if this was all an act and that she would rather slit my throat than give me a lift home. The captain then asked, "So then... What're you in the mood for?"

All I could do was give her a silent glare. My gut was telling me to use caution, but I was not going to cooperate if I could help it. The longer I was kept there, the madder I got. The smugness in the captain's eyes faded as I glared right at her. I must have intimidated her to some degree with my distinct lack of compliance since she then stepped back and looked to the bird with an eye patch. "I don't like that look he's giving me... Mullet?"

The leaner of the two crewman approached while his captain took a step back. There was something...menacing about that face and that one eye. Something imposing in ways that the other two were not. That deep smooth voice did not help matters either. "What's with the glare, softie? You ain't exactly in a position to be trying to assert your dominance here."

My voice carrying a bit of a monotone due to my sour mood, I gave as direct a response as I could. "I was abducted off a train while on my way to meet up with a good friend of mine. You think I wouldn't be more than just a bit annoyed by this?"

"Point taken. Well, how about this..." He said while starting to show a smirk before suddenly reaching past me and grasping the back of the chair I was seated on and sharply tilting it back until I was right under him. While I was a bit too angry to be thoroughly intimidated, I knew better than to try and make a move. "Cooperate and we'll go easier on you. Don't? Well... I guess we'll see how well you can fly out there."

I really was not keen on being thrown overboard from a mile high in the sky. Understanding my circumstances, I let out a sigh. "Fine. Deal."

"Good lad." Mullet said with some satisfaction as he stepped back, but left me lying down on the toppled chair. "All yours, captain."

Their captain approached and stepped over me as I tensed up. I was expecting her to stomp down on me with that peg leg of hers. Instead, she more or less stood above me with her feet at the sides of my hips before squatting to get a closer look at me. "Now then, how about we get to know you a bit better since you're finally talking more than old Squabble ? What's your name? Where you from? And...what are you?"

It sounded like they were trying to get some information off of me for the sake of sending out a ransom. Although that name caught my ear. Squabble? Who? I then tilted my head back to see a particularly bizarre looking bird presiding over me. His rosy hued eyes were...off. I swear he looked even derpier than Derpy Hooves herself. And he did not even seem to be looking at...anything as far as I could tell. He was clad in a rather ratty dark gray shirt with dark crimson trousers, but there was something off about his shirt collar. It was round, thick, and went all the way around his neck while consisting of orange stripes. It was only when I noticed a couple of handles affixed to the sides that I realized he was wearing a life preserver around his neck. Aside from some green feathers sticking out from inside his shirt's very short sleeves, the guy was almost completely bald with his pale green flesh bare to see including his long slender tail. Atop his head sat an old fashioned flight cap with goggles built into them and the upper half of his beak was coated in a layer of brass armor. Utterly perplexed by this very odd bird, especially since he appeared to be oblivious to my presence, I then asked, "Is he one of your men, or is he your pet?"

I did not get much of an answer, but the two crewmen behind the captain got a good laugh out of my inquiry. The captain was not quite as amused and redirected my gaze to look up at her. "Hey, eyes up here. I asked you a question."

Her hand grasping my head startled me just slightly and caused me to shut up right there. She was not even trying to be as menacing as the eye-patched bird, yet was having better luck keeping me under her thumb. Noticing my silence, she instead spoke up. "Well, I guess it's ladies first. The name is Celaeno. Captain Celaeno of this fine crew of swashbuckling pirates."

As if to second that notion, the frankly goofy looking bird behind me let out quite a loud and startling squawk even as the other crewmen hooted in enthusiasm as if to back up their captain's declaration. She certainly was the one calling all the shots as I could sense the power dynamics between them all. Despite her not looking anywhere near as strange or tough as the other three birds in the room, Celaeno had a commanding presence to herself in the depths of her own airship. Even so, I was not at all happy to find myself in the company of the reviled scourges of the seas...er...skies. "Pirates... Great."

Celaeno began to look around the hold as she looked right at her crewman. "You've already figured out our radioman here, Squabbles, and you've gotten acquainted with my first mate. Aye, Mullet?"

The bird with an eye patch nodded while keeping his arms crossed. Celaeno then looked over at the buffer of the two birds as she said, "And here we have our engineer and navigator. Boyle."

I just followed her words while looking around from where I was to the best of my ability. Celaeno then looked back towards the door leading out of the room and said, "There's also our cook. Lix Spittle, but she's probably whipping up some grub right about now. And now... How about you tell us a little about yourself?"

As I hesitated a bit with the pirate captain towering over me, Boyle spoke up with his arms cross while being mindful of the hook on his arm. "Best answer the captain if she's doing the talking. We've got a spare plank to make ya walk from, matey."

Now a bit more annoyed as I was reminded of my situation, I decided to put in the bare minimum cooperation necessary. "James."

"James, hm? Well then, welcome aboard." Celaeno retorted as her tone and mood seemed to brighten somewhat. Perhaps too bright for a pirate captain. She then asked, "Now then, who do we send out the ransom demands to?"

I should have guessed they came after me solely on account of me being the only human in the world. Especially if that 'one of a kind' statement was anything to go by. But as I thought of that, I remembered the context of my presence in Equestria. And who I have ties to. Suddenly realizing that I had some leverage over this situation, I decided to gently start to reveal the risks they were taking. "I wouldn't recommend putting out a ransom demand if you value your lives."

The look on Celaeno's face showed she really was not expecting to hear me say something so dark. Although Mullet did not find that particularly amusing or convincing as he stepped a little closer. "You just trying to sound tough, dogmeat? Because you should be aware you're in no position to be making threats. That's our job."

I tried to keep my words concise and focused. I did not want to try and sound smug. I was trying to stay as serious as possible. "I have friends in high places. Specifically with the Equestrian royal family. Especially with the one they call Nightmare Moon..... And she has killed before."

Much to my surprise, not one of them reacted with fear. Nightmare Moon's reputation alone would probably invoke compliance from anyone who was aware of those old legends of her. But Celaeno instead looked more confused than alarmed. "Nightmare Moon? Who's that? Would she be willing to pay us handsomely for your return?"

"She'd sooner mount your heads on a pike than pay you anything for my abduction." I retorted while attempting to keep my cold composure. "She's one of the three princesses who reign over this world. The Princess of Dreams. And she's dealt with hostage situations before. If she finds out about this, it won't end well for you."

Boyle just let out a chuckle as he gestured almost mockingly with his hands...um...hand and hook. "Ooohoohoohoo, a princess? She dress up in crowns and fancy jewelry? Throw parties with tea and crumpets? Peheheheh..."

I could barely believe the responses I was getting from these birds. Were they living under a rock all this time? Who has not heard of Nightmare Moon and her legends or even the rest of Equestria's royal family? Their ignorance was astounding, if nothing else. Just as I was starting to wonder if I had any sort of leverage over my situation, Mullet started to approach as he drew a dagger from his belt. "It don't matter much who pays so long as they've got the goods. But if this one is the dangerous type..."

Celaeno backed off of me as Mullet stepped forward to take her place, switching his grasp on the dagger to a reverse grip. "Maybe we ought to send her a piece of ya to make sure she gets message."

I flinched at this particularly dark threat. My eyes glanced around, trying to see if there was anything nearby I could grab to serve as a weapon. No such luck. Just piles of sacks and barrels. And I knew I would not get far if I tried to pull myself off my back. And I knew how furious Nightmare Moon would be if they sent her one of my severed fingers. She would slaughter them at the first opportunity she got. Still trying to keep my cool, I then said, "I really wouldn't if I were you. But sure, go ahead and send out the ransom. We'll see what happens."

"Heh, I like the rocks on this guy." Boyle said with a chuckle, apparently finding some appreciation for my lack of cowardice. His praise did little to liven up the situation now that a new tension had settled over the room.

With a swift movement, Mullet was atop me while grasping my jaw firmly in his hand. I will admit fear was starting to seep into me as I gazed up at that surprisingly menacing face. His dagger's blade shimmered in the light of the lantern as he debated over what to go for. "I guess we will then. Now, would she accept the apple of her eye?"

He brought the tip of his blade near my left eye before he then asked, "Or where the nose knows? Or maybe we could...lend her an ear?"

He rested the edge of the blade right on the bridge of my nose for a few seconds. I cringed as I knew all he would have to do is yank the blade down to cleave my nose off with one stroke. Still maintaining that menacing presence, he then spoke while twirling that dagger in his hand a few times. "You just give the word. You gonna make this trade work, or are we gonna have to deliver something from you with some airmail?"

Becoming increasingly uncomfortable in his rough grasp and becoming all the more frustrated with my predicament, I groaned out a response. "I don't...even know what you want!"

"What we want is..." Boyle began to say before a bell was sounded somewhere beyond the door. An alarm?

"All right, that's lunch!" Celaeno seemed to outright command. Next thing I knew, I had been set down on another chair around an unexpectedly long table probably right in the middle of the ship. And right then, a plate of...some unholy terror was set down before me. Some sort of slop filled with....birdseed? I then noticed another bird I had not seen before going around the table and serving up platters loaded down with the weird slop. Celaeno then spoke up over the table and said, "Oh right! James, forgot to introduce you to our cook. Old Lix Spittle."

"Got a newcomer, captain?" I heard a rather scratchy woman's voice speak as I got a good look at the ship's cook. Short and stout, she was definitely on the small side, although she also was nowhere near being as easy on the eyes as Celaeno was. I got the impression she was easily the eldest of the group and I could not shake the feeling that I was looking at a walking caricature of a stereotypical lunch lady in a school cafeteria. Clad in a green shirt with a hunched back, a darker green apron was draped over her with a few cooking utensils inserted into a few pockets on the front. Her plumage consisted of varying hues of pink with a crest of light green feathers atop her head, but it did little to enhance her unflattering appearance. Her arms and narrow tail were devoid of feathers, revealing her very dark pink flesh. The tip of her tail seemed to have a prosthetic attachment of sorts, being lined with brass and having a spare spork sticking out of the end. She then passed by me again and set a spoon by my plate of slop. "Almost forgot! Eat up, newcomer."

I looked around at my surroundings. I doubt the room was even a proper mess hall. It was rather disorganized with boxes and shelves lined with all manner of junk. Another lantern hung over the table to provide some modest light, lending a rather dingy yet cozy atmosphere to the place. The tension was gone as my captors seemed to be enjoying themselves to some degree with all five of them seated on long benches at either side of the table. Celaeno sat at one end of the table, likely to establish her place as captain of the crew. I then noticed that aside from Squabble, they had removed their headwear. Boyle and Mullet were unexpectedly bald... OK, maybe not exactly bald since Squabble was the only one with barely a feather on his head, but they had no extravagant plumage to add to the feathers on their scalp. Even Celaeno was surprisingly lacking in extra plumage upon her head. She honestly looked better while wearing her hat.

I heard the lot of them muttering to each other in quiet conversation. Aside from Squabble. Where everyone was using spoons to eat, Squabble was just scooping the slop up into his beak. I looked down at my serving, having all but failed to notice I was not being restrained at all. I was almost disappointed that they had not left a knife on the table for me to pocket, but I suppose it would be useless for eating something that was mostly liquid. What was with these pirates? I was their captor, not their guest. Right?

Considering the slop was likely lined with birdseed, I probably would not enjoy it much to any degree. The smell was reminiscent of oatmeal, but with a much weaker or even nonexistent smell of sugar or cinnamon. Boyle, who was seated next to me, gave me a nudge with his elbow. "It's not as bad as it looks. I mean OK, it only looks a little worse than it tastes, but it's not that bad."

I gave my captor a very dry stare as I decided to be straight with him. "I'm not eating anything I can't digest."

"You sure? That's all we got to eat up here." Lix Spittle asked while not looking too thrilled with her own cooking herself. In fact, Squabble aside, none of them seemed to be genuinely enjoying the slop that had been provided.

I still recoiled from the sight of the gunk on the platter before me. It was only then that I noticed Squabble had already finished his platter and was staring at mine. He looked at me, giving me a rather strange walleyed pleading stare. I rolled my eyes and pushed my platter across the table since I knew I was not going to be eating any of it. "All yours."

Squabble let out a delighted churr similar to a cooing dove before starting to scoop up more of my serving into his beak. Celaeno sounded like she found some amusement in this as she then said, "Looks like you made a friend."

"I guess I'd take a friendship with a pet parrot than with actual pirates." I grumbled, not really sure what to make of Squabble. At least he was kind of friendly, even if I probably could not communicate with him.

Mullet almost sounded offended by what I said. "Hey, he ain't no pet of ours. He's a part of the crew. Weren't you listening to the captain the first time? Got sand in your ears? Squabble's our radioman."

I looked over at Mullet and then back to the oblivious parrot seated across the table from me. "This guy knows how to operate a communications device?"

"Doesn't take much to operate Morse code, you know. We don't know how he does it, but he's never screwed up a transmission before." Celaeno explained while idly scooping a helping of her slop into her beak. She barely even seemed to pay her meal any mind.

My attention went back to Squabble. I eyed the brass plating over the front of the upper half of his beak. Now that we had the semblance of a conversation going, I felt more comfortable in asking questions. "What's with the armor plating over his beak?"

Boyle let out a laugh next to me and gave me a bit of a friendly nudge. "Armor?! Matey, that IS his beak."

"Wha..." I mumbled before looking back at Squabble. "You mean to say...even that is a prosthetic?"

"What, you didn't notice?" Mullet asked as they all responded in some way. He pointed at his eye patch while Lix Spittle lifted her tail's tip high enough to show the prosthetic utensil holder on it. Boyle lifted his right arm to show off the brass device where his hand used to be and Celaeno leaned back in her seat enough to set her peg leg on the table for a moment. They were all missing something.

"Right. Pirates... Comes with the territory." I muttered while they all went back to eating while Squabble was completely oblivious to the discussion. The thought of a bird losing much of its beak sounded particularly awful though. "How did he lose that part of his beak anyway?"

"There's actually a funny story behind that." Boyle replied before looking over at Celaeno. "Captain, if you'd do the honors?"

Celaeno seemed to perk up as if trying to not laugh at the memory. "Well, Squabble here used to go by 'Murdock' a long time ago. Not too long after joining the crew, we dropped anchor to scope out a score. That was when he was struck by lightning."

"Ouch... That would mess him up in the head, wouldn't it?" I replied while not liking the sound of that. I know I have been struck by lightning before, but probably not the same voltage as whatever Squabble got hit with.

Mullet then started to snicker as he then said, "Oh, it didn't stop there! When that happened, he fell on a beehive!"

"I think I see where this is going..." I said as I started to wince. Just one thing after another, right?

Boyle then spoke up, "Then he fell down a hill through a bramble patch! But at least he got away from the bees."

I facepalmed as I recoiled at just how hapless the poor sap was on that day. "Ooooh god, man... What next?"

Celaeno scratched at her neck in some degree of embarrassment. "We...uh...chucked a burning powder keg at them to get rid of the bees and...it blew up in his face while he was down."

"Really?!" I yelped as I struggled to not laugh. That surely must have been the point where the upper half of his beak was literally blown off his face.

Lix Spittle then joined in. "And that was when one of my frying pans hit him on the head!"

Insult to injury. Wow. I just stared at the walleyed bird while he stared back at me. As I processed the spectacle of those birds seeing all of that happen, I buried my face in my hands while failing to hold back my laughter. "Pfffffft, you poor sap! You lost a part of your beak AND a part of your brain?!"

The entire crew burst into raucous laughter at the tale. All except for Squabble, that is. What a comedy of errors that day must have been. Celaeno then said, "Let's just say ol' Murdock was never the same after that. So we've just been calling him Squabble ever since."

Celaeno then spoke up again after another bite of her meal and gestured with her hands to add emphasis to her words. "Although he's not gone entirely. When he gets drunk? Like...really drunk? Murdock somehow comes back out for a while."

Mullet then leaned my way and put a hand between his head and Celaeno as he kind of whispered to me, "Just being real here, but we all kinda prefer him the way he is now. Murdock was always a charmer, but way too witty and uppity for his own good."

"Really now?" I asked while not surprised to hear that derpy old Squabble was vastly different back then in terms of personality.

"No need to keep quiet, Mullet. That was always an open secret, you know." Celaeno said with some wit while Mullet really was not doing a good job of staying that quiet. "At least Squabble still knows how to tap out a transmission just fine."

"And he actually likes my cooking now! Never thought I'd live to see the day." Lix Spittle added while I was left wondering how any of them could even like that slop.

It was during a lull in the laughter and mirth among the crew that I got a good look at Boyle's stumpy arm and the device on it. With the hooked attachment removed, there was a large hollow opening in the front. "That almost looks like a cannon..."

"Funny you mention that. That's exactly what I tried to use this as first." Boyle replied while confirming that my suspicions were more on the money than I could have expected.

My eyes went a bit wide as I got a good look at the arm cannon. With a barrel that short and with cannon balls that big... "A literal hand cannon? Something like that has got to have some killer recoil."

Boyle burst into nervous chuckling at those words. "Yeeeeeah, it does. I only fired that thing off once. And I swear I dislocated something when I did."

Once again, laughter filled the mess hall at another retelling of a comical accident. Boyle then explained, "I even removed the firing mechanism afterward just in case. Nowadays, I just use this for.....everything else."

A moment later, something dawned upon me. Why was I laughing with a bunch of pirates?! Suddenly remembering my situation, I realized that my arms were not restrained. Maybe now I could try and get away. But when I tried standing up, I found myself hunched forward and unable to stand up straight. Mullet looked my way and cracked a crooked smirk. "What's the matter, dogmeat? You thought we'd make it easy for ya?"

The chair I was sitting on was tied to me via a belt around my waist. And the clasp was on the backside where I could not reach it. Now mildly frustrated and annoyed, I grumbled, "Won't stop me from trying!"

I did not get far. I quickly found out how limited my mobility was even as the rest of the crew laughed as I waddled around the place. Finally realizing that I was not going anywhere like this, I waddled back over to where I had been seated and sat myself back down. "Fine, you win."

Once I was seated, I found that Squabble had some around to the other side of the table and was seated next to me. I leaned away from him before he gave me a few soft taps on the head with his metal beak. Lix Spittle was quick to comment on this as she said, "Aww, looks like Squabble really appreciates the extra serving you gave him."

"I dunno how to take this..." I grumbled while he tapped away on my scalp. I eventually decided to try and get him to stop the only way I knew how. With my secret weapon.

I looked at the deranged bird man beside me and raised my hand. He recoiled in some confusion, but then showed an utterly drunk look of delight on his goofy face as I began to apply scritches to his bald head. It was a weird feeling to rub away at the head of a bird with virtually no feathers on him, but he soon slouched forward and rested his head on the table while I went to work. At least up until he kind of rolled over onto me as well while putting a stop to those scritches. Boyle seemed to think I must have drugged his shipmate since he suddenly looked my way with a glare. "Oi, what'd you do to Squabbles?! You slip him something?"

"I gave him scritches!" I groaned as the derpy bird slouched onto me while looking and sounding way too content. "And...it worked a little too well."

"Scritches? And what're those supposed to be? Some sorta mind control trick?" Mullet growled before he suddenly glanced away with his one eye. "Wait a minute, Squabble would need a coherent mind for that to work..."

I at least tried to explain what scritches even are. "It's what you call gently scratching a bird through their feathers. At least...it would be if this guy had any feathers to scratch through."

Celaeno seemed particularly interested as she rubbed a knuckle along the underside of her beak. "Hmm... Tell you what. Demonstrate to us some of these scritches and we just might make it worth your while."

I glanced around the mess hall at my captors. I was starting to get some flashbacks from my earliest days on Capricorn Island. Thinking it would be a bad idea to say no, I decided to agree while throwing in one exception. "Fine, I'll let you all sample some scritches. But not the cyclops."

Mullet immediately cast me a scowl while Celaeno held back a chuckle. "You got a problem with my first mate? New deal then. You give some scritches to Mullet too and we won't make you bunk with Squabbles. And another thing? He sleep squawks. Good luck sleeping through that."

Knowing just how loud tropical birds can get and not being one for getting woken up in the middle of the night by random loud noises, I was hesitant to refuse. Celaeno then leaned forward with her arm resting on the table while she said, "It's either the entire crew or nobody. And since you've already started with Squabble..."

Still not being so quick to agree to do any favors for someone who came close to mutilating my face, I still tried to exert some control over the situation. "Confiscate that dagger from your first mate and you have a deal."

Celaeno glanced at Mullet, but he was not about to give me any leverage. "How's about you cooperate and we don't shove some of this slop down your throat? Take it or leave it, mate. You're not the one in charge here."

Now thoroughly finding myself disliking the guy, I made a mental note to don my armor as soon as I was back in Canterlot just so I could chase them down and fire a few magic potshots at their ship as payback. Without a word, I reached up and grabbed Boyle by the neck before wiggling my fingertips through his plumage.

"Hey! What's with...uh...oooh... Hey, that..." He yelped in what was likely a response to thinking I was attacking him, but very quickly settled down as my fingers went to work. I got more than I bargained for as I found both Boyle and Squabble slumped against me. "This...is bliss, mates..."

"Gah, get 'em off!" I groaned as I found Boyle to be a lot heavier than I would expect for a bird. All that muscle on him would certainly contribute to his mass. The rest of the crew got a laugh out of this as I tried to not let the two birds push my chair over.

"Peh, this is gold. Big buff Boyle all over this guy with just a few little rubs. How about Lix Spittle goes next?" Mullet said with a snicker while I gave a quick uneasy glance at the ship's cook. There was just something really off-putting about her appearance to the point where I was not sure if I even wanted to touch her.

"Ooh, my turn?" Lix Spittle asked as she started to make her way over to me while Boyle and Squabble were too relaxed to really get off me. "Move over, boys. I want in on these scritches too."

Squabble drunkenly returned to his spot at the other side of the table while Boyle stayed right where he was without budging an inch. I looked at Lix Spittle with extreme discomfort, finding her to be easily one of the most unsavory females of any species I had ever laid eyes on in Equestria.

With great hesitation, I pressed my fingers into the feathers on her head. The rather stout flightless avian started to churr in a manner I would have expected out of Silverstream. She offer no words, but soon began to lean against me as I cringed in discomfort. "Help me..."

"Seems half the crew is enjoying this quite a bit. You're up next, Mullet." Celaeno chuckled while finding some amusement in seeing her crewmates enjoying the scritches a little too much. Really, me and my affinity for birds...

I immediately cast the captain's first mate a glance of unease, not wanting to go anywhere near the guy. He rolled his eye, apparently not entirely convinced about my magic touch. "Well, if Boyle dropped like a sack of potatoes, it must be good."

Considering the fact that the guy threatened to gouge out my eye among other things, I tried to stave him off. "Ladies first."

"That's not how things work around here, dogmeat. The crew goes first to make sure no funny business is in the works for the captain." Mullet retorted before sticking his knife into the table before standing up and making his way over to me. "Move along, Lix. My turn."

"Awww, just a few more minutes?" The ship's cook grumbled while leaning against me even harder to the point I almost had my arm around her. I thought she was about to pull away, but then slouched against me in much the same manner Boyle was. Mullet then stood almost right behind me with arms crossed, waiting for my touch.

Not at all happy with my newest client, I steeled my nerves while I went stone-faced. I rigidly reached up and pressed my fingertips into his neck. He let out a grunt as if I might have poked him a bit too firmly, but that look on his face soon confirmed that my touch was working its magic on him. He let out a long happy deep sigh as his knees became a bit wobbly the longer I rubbed my fingers through his plumage. Moments later, he finally slumped over me while leaving me trapped in a pyramid of birds. All I could do was grumble to myself, "God help me..."

"You know, I'm starting to rethink this whole ransom thing..." Celaeno spoke with her hand under her beak. She was clearly enjoying the show. She then spoke up a bit louder as she said, "I'm thinking we should make this boy crewmate #6 as our very own scritches provider. Right, mates?"

"Aye!" They all shouted with raised fists as the sleepy birds immediately perked up at such an idea.

Naturally, I was not thrilled with this sudden change of plans. I mean I was not exactly happy with being a hostage, but this was not something I was onboard with either. "What?! No no no no no, I can't stay here! I've got a wife and two kids back home!"

"Oh come on, how many times have you heard that excuse?" Boyle asked while they all burst into hearty chuckles. While it was not intentional, the 'wife and two kids' line has probably been used way too often in fiction.

"They're both daughters, if you need to know..." I grumbled dryly as I realized that probably was not going to help my case. Before I even knew it, Mullet and Lix Spittle grabbed my hands and held them to their heads for me to continue applying scritches to their scalps.

"Well, if you do a fine enough job on your first week, we can set you up with some shore leave." Celaeno replied before she stood up from her seat and tapped her peg leg on the floor a few times. This was a signal of sorts since her crewmates then stepped away from me. I watched with some caution as she approached me with arms crossed. I started to raise a hand, but paused as her chest became level with my face. Maybe it was just me, but the way her vest was designed almost made it look like they were concealing a pair of breasts. Having not encountered a woman in Equestria who looked partially human, I was left momentarily distracted.

Boyle must have been thinking the same thing as me since he then spoke up. "Hey, captain. Maybe he should start by giving scritches to your tits."

"EXCUSE ME?!" I flinched hard as I realized I had been caught gawking at her potential cleavage. "No no, I was just really taken with the design of her vest!"

Boyle gave me a cockeyed stare while everyone else looked genuinely confused as Mullet stepped away. "Huh? What about her vest? I was talking about her tits right there."

I looked at where Boyle was pointing and stared in bewilderment as I saw Mullet bringing over a small birdcage hanging from his hand by a chain. Inside were a pair of small bird with appearances similar to a cardinal. However, their beaks were small and black, their feathers along their undersides being white with a pale blue color covering their heads and backsides. I recognized the breed immediately. The tufted titmouse. "Oh... Ooooh, I get it. Titmice. Right... Thank god."

Mullet opened the little cage door without a word as the lightly chirping birds hopped about inside. I was not going to ask why a crew of birds were keeping other birds as pets nor do I think it mattered. They were a little shy as I managed to reach in with one hand. "Easy there, pretty birds. It's OK."

I was careful to adjust my tactics for applying scritches to much smaller birds than the pirates around me. They stood their ground warily, but soon began to respond with quiet tweeting as they closed their eyes while I rubbed my fingers and thumb over them. Their rather sleepy eyes and fluffy feathers confirmed their approval of my touch. "Fluttershy would love to meet you two."

"Heh, looks like they're really enjoying that. Now how about her hooters too?" Mullet asked as he pulled the cage away while closing the door. The titmice looked quite satisfied and were settling into a nap.

"Um..." I muttered before I noticed Celaeno was adjusting a few buttons on her coat. "Oh god oh god..."

"What's with you and birds, huh? It's just her hooters." Mullet said as he then held up a little perch that had a pair of owls on it that were of varying shades of gray. But what surprised me most was how tiny they were. No bigger than my fist. Mullet then explained, "Pygmy owls, if 'hooters' is one of your trigger words."

"Oh my god, I didn't know owls could get this small." I muttered as I carefully reached out to them. While small, I was sure that their little beaks and talons could still do serious damage. They watched me with their big round eyes while I reached out to them. As I scritched their little heads, the tiny owls closed their eyes and rotated their heads on a sharp angle. They did not so much hoot as let out quiet yet shrill chirps. "You little things are so precious..."

"We found these little guys abandoned during one of our excursions. Mullet here took him under his wing. I guess you could say he's their papa bird?" Celaeno added while giving her first mate a bit of a knowing smirk.

Visibly flustered, the tough-talking bird looked away as he grumbled, "C'mon, captain. You know it's not like that..."

I too found it hard to believe someone who was ready to gouge out my eye or cut off my ear would have such a soft spot on him. Regardless, I held out my other hand to the little pygmy owls now that I was starting to enjoy myself. Now having some more trust for me, the tiny owls perched upon just one of my fingers for each of them while I continued to give them scritches with my other hand. "I can't get over how cute you little guys are... Fluttershy would have a field day with you."

"Yes, they are. And they take after their pa, don't they?" Celaeno asked while once again giving Mullet a smirk even as the rest of the crew let out quiet chuckles in agreement.

Mullet looked genuinely embarrassed over this playful prodding as he crossed his arms and looked away. I looked at the happy little owls and decided to throw in a jab of my own. "I bet they're just as violent when dispatching their prey."

"Hey, I raised them to be good kids!" Mullet barked as if he had been offended. He then flinched as if his objection only served to prove Celaeno's point since he then looked away with a most flustered scowl.

"Well, you two are much better behaved than your old man." I said almost jokingly to the little owlets before I set them back upon their perch. Mullet muttered something under his breath, but I did not care to listen too closely.

Boyle then smirked as he said, "I'm guessing he won't be giving any scritches to the captain's boobies though."

It was around that time that I started to catch onto their wordplay. "Do they have blue feet?"

As if to answer my question, Lix Spittle let out a yell as she swung a spatula at a couple of blue-footed boobies cackling on the table behind me. "Hey, get outta here! It ain't your dinner time yet!"

I got a bit of a laugh as the duo of boobies whistled and wheezed at the ship's cook before hopping off the table and waddling away back to their quarters. But as they did, another bird waddled into view from behind a crate. Everyone glanced at the little flightless bird with Boyle asking, "Hey, since when did we have a stowaway?"

"That's a kiwi..." I retorted as I recognized the bird from during my stay on Capricorn Island. I had to wonder where they found that one, although it sounded like it found them instead.

"Sure don't look like much. What's your call, captain?" Mullet asked as he returned all of the little birds to the room that likely served as their roost.

Celaeno crossed her arms while looking rather perplexed as to where the little flightless bird came from. "Meh, leave it be for now. Looks like it's kind of on the cute side. I'll have an answer this evening."

However, just as I was starting to relax, Celaeno stepped over to me and pushed me back so my chair was leaning against the table. She then caught me by surprise as she straddled me before beginning to undo the buttons for her vest. "Now then... Time to see if you can impress this captain."

I cringed in horror as I watched the captain essentially disrobe in front of me. Although my horror was dampened when she did open up her vest to reveal her mostly featureless fluffy chest. Despite having a physique that was not too dissimilar to that of a human, I did not see anything from a glance that I would expect to see on a human woman. Even so, I could not shake the feeling that the fluffy layer of feathers was hiding something. I tried to avoid reaching for her chest as I instead started to reach for her head since her pets enjoyed such a touch. Unfortunately, my hopes were dashed as she grabbed my hand. "Hey. Not there."

I flinched as she brought both of my hands to her chest. "Here. Can't be too sure just yet."

I was screaming internally as I could only see this as being forced to molest a woman I barely even knew. The rest of the crew were watching with deep interest, although I think they were also finding some entertainment at the face I was making. I wheezed loudly as I very reluctantly began to push my hands forward, muttering constantly to myself as my fingertips began to reach through her plumage. "This is wrong this is wrong this is wrong this is a holocaust of wrong..."

Almost immediately, Celaeno began to churr in a very womanly manner that I had never heard out of a bird before. Thankfully, my panic began to subside as I did not detect the presence of anything unusual under her plumage. It turns out that those birds are very anatomically correct. I started to apply scritches in greater earnest now that I understood I had nothing to worry about. All the while, Celaeno asked, "Mmmm, no wonder the little ones like this so much... You sure you can't join the crew? I could set you up with 50% of our bounty if you do this every day."

"Uh... Um... I'm good. I'm quite happy baking pastries and giving massages for a living." I replied with unease, still not sure if I was going to find the danger zone in her plumage or not.

Celaeno did not have much of a response. She was in bliss as she churred adorably while leaning a bit backwards as my fingers went to work in her plumage. I was starting to enjoy myself too as I felt through that soft fluffy plumage of hers. Although Mullet then asked, "And what are pastries?"

"Muffins, cupcakes, cookies, anything that...um... Oh god, what did I hit?" I asked as I noticed Celaeno was enjoying this a little too much. I knew something was wrong when she grasped both of my shoulders with her hands, her beak parted while panting in delight even as her plumage began to visibly fluff up. I dared not stop, but I began to feel that sense of panic rising in my gut again.

Thankfully, this did not go on much longer. Celaeno soon regained her composure as she essentially forced herself to get off of me. "OK, I think that's enough for now... Don't want too much of this on the first go."

I watched in relief as the captain stood up and began to close her vest again. "Haven't felt such good vibes since the day I became captain."

I was tempted to ask what even happened on the day she earned that title, but I decided it was probably not something I wanted to know. Mullet must have noticed that I was more than just a bit uncomfortable with how I was basically forced to feel up his captain and smirkingly asked, "Heh, what's the matter, mate? Looking a bit flushed there. Enjoy yourself too much?"

Lix Spittle came up beside me and only exasperated my discomfort as she nuzzled my side. "Oh, he's such a sweet boy, isn't he? He sure knows how to make us birds happy."

"Well why wouldn't I be?!" I yelped as I was literally only doing what I was told to avoid getting into trouble. I had to remind myself that I was not their guest, but their captive. While they were being the most pleasant I had seen from them thus far, they were still pirates and were not above sending me home with a few pieces missing. Or so I was led to believe.

"Oh, what's wrong?" Celaeno asked as she leaned over me, her chest closer to my face than I would have liked it to be. "Don't you like birds with thick plumage? Looks like you do since you really got into giving those scritches just now."

I did all I could to keep my mouth shut and direct my eyes elsewhere. I did not even want to know what those birds consider to be sex appeal if they were completely missing the point of my unease. But when Celaeno straightened her posture, I was not prepared for what she said next. "So it's official then! I'm making James here the newest addition to the crew!"

The other four birds cheered in hearty agreement to this sudden promotion, though I was anything but thrilled by it. What was even going on anymore?! Was I their captive? Their guest? Their newest recruit? She then added, "And to seal the deal, you're getting your own vest."

Boyle then spoke up as he hesitantly said, "Uh... Hate to break it to ya, captain, but...we've been out for a while."

By this point, I kind of zoned out from sheer bewilderment for a moment before Mullet pulled something over my head and I found myself wearing what seemed to be a shirt Boyle was wearing, but a size too big for me and a size too small for him. Probably from back before he bulked up to what he is today. A hand-me-down that just did not fit him anymore? I then looked at Celaeno and said, "With all due respect, I'm not interested in being a pirate. I'm quite happy with my lot in life back in Ponyville."

Lix Spittle then stepped in and said, "You could fill in for Squabble when he gets lost. Which is like...every other month."

It was around then that I started to run out of patience for their incoherent and inconsistent shenanigans. I gave my captors a very dry glare as I was frank as possible with them. "Guys, I wanna go home."

Celaeno's response was the last thing I was expecting to hear out of any of them. "Yeah, I guess we've held you hostage long enough. We should get you home."

Wait, what? They were just going to let me go like that? After snatching me right off a train and threatening to maim me if I did not cooperate? "Huh?! What do you mean long enough? You haven't even decided on a ransom yet!"

Boyle patted me on the head with one hand as he said, "We'll just take what they got in their pockets, if nothing else. You're a good egg."

All I did was stare at them in utter bewilderment. These pirates vexed me. Celaeno then reached behind my chair and undid the belt that had me pinned to it. "All right, let's get this boy home. Stoke the engines, Boyle. I'm setting a course for... Where were you heading? Canterlot?"

"Uh huh..." I grumbled after having all but forgotten what I had been doing at the time I was kidnapped off that train. Once they all returned their headwear to their scalps, Boyle and Mullet went off in different directions with Mullet putting the remaining pet birds away. Now more confused than anything, I followed my captors through the ship's hold and up some stairs at the back of the stern. Once up on deck, I finally got a good look at the airship itself. It had definitely seen better days with all manner of makeshift repairs here and there. My first guess was that these pirates had been staying off the radar for years if their ship had not been properly serviced for so long. Even the gas sack above me appeared to lack a hardened outer casing and was just a brown leather balloon that seemed to have suffered several ruptures of the course of its lifetime. "The old girl looks a bit roughed up..."

"Yeah, that's par for the course when you're pirates, but I've done my best to keep old Zephyrus going." I heard Boyle say as he emerged from the door behind me. A pair of stairs led up and around the outer edges of the airship to where the helm was located. Celaeno took hold of the wheel as Boyle called out, "The engines are stoked and ready, captain! We're good to go!"

"That'll do, Boyle! Next stop! Canterlot!" Celaeno called out as Mullet too emerged from below deck. I could hear the buzz of the propellers aft of the ship starting to buzz, but not quite as clearly as the ones on the Olympia. It sounded like even the airship's engines were in dire need of an overhaul. As the ship started to turn to starboard, I took the time to survey my surroundings at the edge of the deck. The ship was overall smaller than the Olympia, but not by much. I was surprised a crew of five was enough to maintain such a vessel. The sun was beginning to set over the horizon and I could see Ponyville far in the distance and miles below. We must have been no less than three miles off the ground.

It was a bit of a fun ride as we sailed towards Canterlot. Maybe because riding an airship is already an inherently interesting experience in of itself. It was definitely a new experience to see Canterlot so far below us. However, I noticed that we were not descending to prepare for docking inside the mountain's summit. I looked around the deck, seeing Celaeno's four crewmates standing near the rigging that held the ship under its gas sack. They seemed to be...loosening the ropes. "No..."

"We all ready?!" Celaeno called out as the ship's engines started to fall quiet as we drifted to a stop. I peered over the side and saw that we were probably floating right above Canterlot.

"Aye, we're all set! Hey, dogmeat! Better grab onto something!" Mullet called out as I saw that they were indeed preparing the release the ship's rigging.

"No!" I yelled in horror as I realized what was about to happen. I turned and looked up at Celaeno as I called out, "No! There's an airship dock at the summit! You can just fly in there instead!"

"They'll be expecting that!" Celaeno called back to me as I realized to my horror that there was no stopping this crazy train. The crazed captain then called out to her equally crazed crewmen, "Do it!"

All at once, the four sturdy ropes that were attached from the ship's gas sack were released from their binds and... Well, it was about as fun as it sounded. I clung to the edge of the ship by its railing for dear life as the entire airship went into a freefall! The gas sack likely just drifted away to god knows where, but the Zephyrus was falling right towards Canterlot. I was squealing incoherently as the resulting g-forces did a number on my nerves and stomach, but the rest of the crew sounded like they were having the time of their lives. What were they hooting and hollering for? We were all about to die!

I was in such a panic that I did not even notice what they were saying to each other. But out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Lix Spittle throw a lever set into the deck itself. Right out of the middle of the ship, a massive sail of sorts unfurled and seemed to be serving as a big white parachute. Much to my relief, the ship's descent rapidly decelerated as I once again found my momentarily weightless body on solid ground. I panted and wheezed and even kissed the deck while so unbelievably happy to know I was going to live. I did not even stand up until I felt the ship finally set down with a heavy thud among the rustling of leaves. Celaeno let out a whoop of exhilaration. I am just amazed she did not lose her hat during that drop. "Woo, that was fun! So, who're we conducting business with?"

It was only then that I processed what had happened and jumped up before glaring at the captain of the pirate ship in utter exasperated frustration. "What in god's name is wrong with you birdbrains?! I thought I was gonna die! What kind of captain jettisons an airship's only means of buoyancy and strands themselves...in...in..."

I then took a good look around at where we had landed. Trees and a tall wall bordered the area. And right off the airship's starboard side was a tall and elegant structure I knew all too well. "Oooooh my god, do you have any idea where you've stranded yourselves?"

"Right where we wanted, right?" Lix Spittle asked while I happened to notice that one kiwi from earlier stranded in a tree right over the other side of the ship's port side before hopping down and out of sight. Lucky little guy.

"No... No, not even close... You guys really don't wanna be here!" I said as I marveled at the sheer incompetence of this group of pirates. We had landed smack in the middle of the royal gardens! "You dropped us right down in the royal family's backyard!"

As if to prove my point, I heard some sort of alarm going of in the distance. "Aaaaaand there's the alarm. They know we're here. You're all screwed now."

Sure enough, I saw a brigade of guards rushing out of the distant doorway with weapons ready while Celaeno stepped up to the edge of the deck beside me. She seemed to have no comprehension of just how dire their situation was. "Good evening, boys! We're here to do business with whoever runs this place."

The guards came to a stop as they gazed up at us with looks of utter confusion. I suppose it is not every day that they find an entire intact airship stranded in the gardens. The parachute we had been saved by was now draped over the wall of the port side. And just when it looked like the situation could not get anymore surreal, Princess Luna herself came out with another group of guardsmen before staring up at us. I silently waved down at her while she directed her gaze at Celaeno. "Um... How did... The airship docks are on the opposite side of the mountain. Please make your way over there. I will send word to grant you clearance."

I think she did not noticed me at first, or perhaps Luna was just too bewildered by such an outlandish sight in her own home. However, Celaeno then grabbed me by the back of my collar and pushed me a bit closer to the edge of the deck. By that point, I was about ready to deck her over the head with a firm swat to the beak to get her to back off. "Hello there, your highness! We're here to make a trade! Whatever you have."

I then heard Boyle call out from nearby, now audibly excited that this hostage situation they had was about to pay off. "Do they have any sand?!"

Celaeno seemed mirror his interest in sand as she said, "Yes, and sand. Lots of sand. The smooth stuff."

"How's about bread?!" Lix Spittle added as the crew started to gather near their captain at the edge of the deck.

"Don't forget seeds. We're running low on that, last I checked." Mullet added as Squabble followed after him with yet another incoherent squawk to convey some sort of suggestion I could not decipher.

"Yeah, that too! Bread and seed with...uh... Actually, can we get back to you on that in a minute?!" Celaeno then called down at the bewildered princess and guardsmen before the entire lot of them dragged me back inside the ship before slamming the door closed behind them. "OK, suggestion box is open, people. Anyone got any ideas?"

"You guys didn't think this through at all, did you?!" I said with a louder voice than usual as my patience was finally on the verge of reaching its breaking point. Even right outside the door, I could hear the sound of many hooves clopping about. It sounded like a boarding party was already up on deck. They must have figured out that this was a sort of hostage situation by then. "You guys are remarkably disorganized for pirates..."

They did not pay me any mind at first and just muttered quietly amongst themselves. But as I beheld my surroundings, I deduced we were in the ship's treasure hold. At least that is what I am sure they used it for. I saw a hefty pile of gold doubloons that did not quite look like bits. And upon closer inspection, I found one with its golden sheen peeled back to reveal a shade of dark brown. Chocolate. Wrapped in gilded foil.

I took the chocolate coin in hand as I started to roll around the thoughts in my head. This stuff barely qualified as loot. And I doubt they genuinely thought they had acquired a massive pile of cash. "Guys...?"

Failing to get their attention, I slapped Boyle over the back of the head with that chocolate coin. That caused him to turn around as all eyes fell upon me. I then stiffly held that false coin up for all to see and asked, "Is this a game to you?"

"What makes you say that?" Mullet asked while not really noticing that I was starting to feel particularly frustrated with the lot of them.

I was starting to wonder if this was all some sort of elaborate prank. If they were indeed pirates, they were by far the most incompetent pirates I had ever heard of. "This coin. It is made of chocolate. All of these doubloons here are just chocolate wrapped in foil. On top of that, you never had a concise plan for a ransom. And now you've dropped anchor with no way out right in the backyard of the royal family where the royal guard are always present..."

They all fell silent. Squabble aside, the entire crew looked every which way as they were confronted over this. Mullet was the first to speak as he said, "Yeeeeeah, about that... You're the first hostage we've ever taken... We only got the idea after word got around long enough about there being this one of a kind guy in the world. All the stuff we have here is treasure that no one would notice missing..."

I dropped the coin in unblinking frustration as I glared at my captors. They had absolutely no idea what they were doing with this ordeal being a complete waste of my time. Fresh out of patience, I marched out of the room with no one daring to stop me and made my way up the stairs to the door that led out to the deck. Sure enough, there was an entire platoon of guardsmen waiting with spears ready with Luna standing in the middle of them all. They stepped aside as I came out onto the deck before I stiffly pointed at the open door. "All yours, gentlemen!"

The guardsmen charged into the hold as screeches and squawks echoed below deck, most of it probably coming from Squabble. Wheezing through my nostrils, I turned to Luna as she stepped towards me with a look of concern. "Are you well? What are you even doing here with those...birds?"

"Don't ask because I don't have a proper answer for this." I grumbled while finally relieved to be back on solid ground in a place I was familiar with. "They snatched me right off the train on my way up here. No idea what they wanted from me, although it sounded like they intended to forward a ransom to you and your sisters."

Luna proceeded to give a cockeyed stare in response to such an outrageous claim. "They abducted you? Off a train? That's absurd. I haven't heard of such a feat of daring when it comes to abductions before. Who even are they?"

"Pirates, or so they claim." I retorted while looking back at the door as it sounded like the crew was having a quite a frustrating time with the guardsmen that were trying to arrest them. "I can't say I didn't find some entertainment in their company at times, but if they are indeed pirates, they are by far the most hapless pirates I've ever heard of."

"Not to mention the notion of piracy even being real is particularly farfetched." Luna mused as she walked around the ship's deck. "Pirates are simply the product of maritime fairy tales and bedtime stories. We don't even have laws passed against piracy due to its nonexistence, so I am not so certain how we will even go about prosecuting them if at all. Although kidnapping is still a serious crime..."

I thought the notion of pirates in Equestria did not sound right. My immediate assumption was that the crew that snatched me were just a bunch of pirate enthusiasts that just really liked the overall aesthetic and rolled with it. But it was right around then that I looked up to see someone swooping down to us. It was Nightmare Moon. "What is the commotion I was hearing? And why was the alarm sounded? Has something..."

Nightmare Moon then went silent as she stood beside us and scanned her surroundings. The look in on her face was enough to almost make me laugh. "Luna. Why is there a stricken airship sitting in our gardens?"

"I... Uh..." Luna mumbled before she looked at me. "Why IS this airship here anyway? And where is its gas sack?"

I snorted as I recalled the ridiculous midair jettisoning of that vital part of the airship almost three miles off the ground. "They turned the thing loose and sent the whole thing into a freefall!"

Nightmare Moon recoiled at the revelation. "Madness! The gas sack is only to be jettisoned in emergencies! They are most fortunate that an emergency parachute is a required featured on all airships in case such an event occurs! How would they even take flight again after making such a drastic maneuver?!"

"I really don't think they thought that part through..." I said with almost a snicker as I started to feel pretty satisfied knowing that my captors had literally dropped themselves into the last place a criminal would want to be. "In fact, I don't think they planned any of this through from the moment they grabbed me off the train on my way up here."

The Princess of Dreams gave me a most unsettled gaze. "They...abducted you? By force?"

"Strung me up inside a burlap sack, if you need to know." I explained while still not really sure what to make of the entire experience.

Nightmare Moon's tone darkened as she turned to her sister. "Luna, go inform our sister of what has transpired. I shall oversee this operation for now. I have...experience in dealing with hostage situations."

"Very well. I leave this to you." Luna retorted before spreading her wings and flying off to spread the word. I doubt Celestia even knew what had happened at the time.

Knowing Nightmare Moon would not taken kindly to anyone who would inflict harm upon me, I felt it necessary to speak up before anything else could happen. "For what it's worth, they never harmed me."

"Most wise of them. Now I will not need to maim them." She replied smugly while probably intending to give my captors quite a scare. It was only then that the door below deck swung open to reveal the guards beginning to emerge with the captured crew. However, Nightmare Moon stared in surprise at what she was seeing. "Harpies? Here? This far north?"

Harpies? That is what they call those bird people? Strangely fitting when considering the rest of Equestria's races of people. Once by one, the crew were led out with their heads hung low and their hands secured behind their backs. Celaeno looked particularly embarrassed. Although I almost got a laugh out of poor Squabble. He was the last to emerge and was not so much being led out of the ship as he was being dragged along inside a fine net. His limbs were visibly secured too, but him must have given them so much trouble that he guards took no chances. Nightmare Moon even turned to Estoc, who seemed to have led the operation, and asked, "What sort of trouble did that one give you?"

"All manner of headaches, your highness. Good thing there was a spare net lying around in there." Estoc replied while looking noticeably puzzled. "Although...what we did find down there..."

That reminded me. Having the airship just drop out of the sky like that must have caused all sorts of chaos down in the holds. My thoughts went to the pet birds that I had seen. "Wait a second. Did you happen to find any smaller birds in there? Were they all right?"

Estoc at first looked at me in confusion, but then seemed to realize what I was asking about. "Oh, them? Yes, they're fine. It was a mess in there, but they were secured in cages that were fastened to the walls. They were a bit frazzled, but otherwise unharmed. But back to what I was saying..."

"Yes...?" Nightmare Moon asked as I too listened in. "If they are indeed pirates, I assume you found some stolen goods?"

"Um... About that..." Estoc said as he levitated a chart of sorts before him. "We found a crate of rubber ducks, a chest containing nothing but cashews, a barrel of sea salt taffy, a stash of discontinued chocolate coins, and..."

"Sand!" Boyle shouted from nearby. He and his crewmates were lined up in a row with guardsmen standing by with spears ready. It looked like some of them had helped themselves to bits of that taffy too.

"Yes, lots and lots of bags packed with sand." Estoc grumbled as he rolled up the chart. "Beyond that, just a mishmash of assorted goods of dubious value. Even all of the weapons we found were just wooden props someone must have carved in their spare time. The only functional weapon we found was a saber that has seen a lot of use."

"I didn't even...see... Are they just a gang of kleptomaniacs who snatch up whatever they can find?" I asked in confusion before turning to the five 'pirates' as they sat or squatted on the deck. By that point, I was more baffled than annoyed.

Estoc just shrugged his shoulders as he said, "From the looks of things, anything they did 'steal' was not even remotely valuable."

I sighed while shaking my head, the ruse having all but fallen apart by that point. "Pirates in name only, huh?"

"Hey, we ARE pirates!" Mullet yelled in irritation before then mumbling under his breath just loud enough for me to catch. "Kind of..."

Nightmare Moon then turned to the gang of pirate wannabes while I started to smirk to myself. It felt really good to see them in shackles after all the crap they gave me. At least for the moment. I then whispered to her, "For the record, they have no idea who you are. I brought you up at one point and they just laughed."

"Did they now?" Nightmare Moon asked coolly as she stood before the group of birds. "Well... I never once imagined I would ever encounter an entourage of harpies this far away from the tropics. You're all a long way from home. So, what brings you into my home with a very dear friend of mine in your clutches?"

While Squabble did not seem to be even remotely aware of the situation while his eyes were looking...elsewhere, the looks of unease in the eyes of the other four harpies showed that they were starting to realize who they were being addressed by. Nightmare Moon then carried on while maintaining a menacing visage and imposing tone of voice that only she can muster. "I understand that you are also behind the times. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Nightmare Moon. Princess of Dreams and sovereign of Equestria."

"Nightmare Mo... Oh man oh man oh man oh man, the lad wasn't messing with us..." Boyle muttered rather loudly as I noticed him beginning to visibly sweat. I did warn them. And it was almost laughter-inducing to see the panic in his eyes.

Nightmare Moon then glanced at me over her shoulder. "You say that you were never harmed and I believe you. But is there anything else I should know about that transpired aboard this ship?"

Thoroughly frustrated with what Mullet put me through, my eyes fell upon him. "If you must know, the cyclops there held a knife to my face and considered gouging out my eye or cutting off my nose or ear and sending them to you."

My revelation must have struck a nerve since Nightmare Moon sharply turned her head to look at Mullet as he visibly flinched to see her eyes now filled with a bright white glow. "Did you now...?"

The rest of the crew looked incredibly fearful, especially Celaeno. She could not even bring herself to watch as Nightmare Moon began to slowly approach the one member of the crew that came anywhere close to doing me harm. But I also saw her give me a rather pained glance before looking away, trying to hide her face under the wide brim of her hat.

Gone was Mullet's menacing presence. All that remained was a cowering sense of dread as he began to scoot backwards and away from the approaching Princess of Dreams. His rather deep voice began to speak in pleading, "I swear, I wasn't gonna do it! I wouldn't harm a hair on his head! He's a good lad! We weren't gonna send him home in less than one piece!"

The more I watched, the more I actually believed him. I am not saying I was about to forgive him for that treatment, but I was starting to suspect the entire crew, even the menacing Mullet, were just putting on a show to get into the whole 'pirate' theme of their line of work. I especially thought back to the little pygmy owlets down in the hold and the supposed sweetness I had been told he shows them. It was all a bluff. These harpies were much kinder than they were letting on.

Knowing that Nightmare Moon was not above killing her enemies, I stepped forward and set my hand on her shoulder. When she glanced at me, I just shook my head. I was convinced by then that they were not a threat and this entire mess was the result of a cavalcade of comically poor decisions. Just to prove her point, Nightmare Moon suddenly launched a small bolt of lightning magic right into the spot on the deck before Mullet, prompting a panicked squawk from him. The glow in her eyes faded to reveal her unnatural almost feline irises. Lix Spittle, apparently noticing that Nightmare Moon was showing mercy, let out a loud sigh. "Phew... I don't think we're ready to lose more pieces of ourselves. We really need to start keeping track of current events."

"Oh please, save me your lies." Nightmare Moon grumbled as she and I stepped back with her presiding over the captured harpies. "You are not pirates. What are you?"

Mullet glanced left and right, apparently amazed to find that he was unscathed after Nightmare Moon took a shot at him. When no one else spoke up, he did so instead. "If you really need to know... I guess we fancy ourselves a bunch of swashbuckling treasure hunters."

I then approached Celaeno when I saw how reluctant she was to even say a word. I lifted the brim of her hat, but she sharply turned her head away. I tried to be gentle since she had easily been one of the most amicable members of the crew. "Captain."

I noticed her pluck a few feathers out of the fluff at the base of her surprisingly long neck using only her beak, possibly out of stress. I reached under her hat and cupped her face, rubbing my fingers and thumb through her plumage to apply scritches. I felt her relax somewhat in my grasp before I tilted her head up enough to look at me. "I'm strongly considering dropping any charges against you. But I need to know who you are. Just a bunch of treasure hunters who really dig the whole pirate aesthetic?"

She looked hurt more than anything else. Almost as if my inviting the royal guard to arrest her was an act of betrayal. Or maybe she was just suffering from some bruised pride after dragging her crew into a trap with no way out. She let out a sigh as her eyes looked elsewhere. "Yeah... More or less."

A plan started to form in my head. They did not seem like bad folk. And it looked like they had seen a lot during their travels. And now that they were stranded in Canterlot... I looked to Nightmare Moon and asked, "Could you please send for Shining Armor? I'd like a word with him."

Nightmare Moon lifted her head as her blue magic aura billowed around the length of her horn. Not even twenty seconds later, the magic aura faded before she looked at me. "He will be along shortly."

I left Celaeno along and approached the edge of the ship's deck that faced the castle nearby. The guards had already set up a gangplank to board the ship while several remained up on deck. I soon saw Shining Armor emerge from the tall door at the far edge of the courtyard and came trotting our way while decked out in his armor with the exception of his helmet. But once he drew near, he seemed to figure out exactly what the large wooden structure before him was as he stopped in his tracks. He looked up at me while I waved back at him. "S'up?!"

Shining Armor lowered his head to look at the grounded airship before looking back up at me. "Why is this here?!"

"Long story! Just get up here!" I called back before Shining Armor understandably trotted up the gangplank with some hesitation and confusion. But right as he was about to board the ship, he stopped short. He seemed a little hesitant to actually set foot on the deck. "What? What's wrong?"

"Um... This thing is completely grounded, right? It's not swaying?" He asked while I could only cock my head to one side in confusion. He must have noticed my inquisitive gaze and said, "Oh, it's just that I get airsick like you wouldn't believe. And I'm not in the mood to lose my lunch right now."

"Really? You?" I asked while amazed the captain of the guard himself could have such an inconvenient weakness.

Shining Armor at least tried to laugh at the notion. "Yeah, really. Put me on an ocean liner in a hurricane and I'm just fine. But put me on an airship and I'll be blowing chunks in no time."

"Well... No, I really don't think the airship can even move right now. It's pretty firmly grounded now that the gas sack is gone." I explained while definitely not feeling like I was on a moving vehicle. The ship was firmly balanced on its keel at the time.

With some trepidation, Shining Armor stepped onto the deck and went completely still. He barely moved his head as if glancing around for trouble. "OK... No movement... Yeah, I'm good. Anyway, what did..."

It was only then that he looked past me to see Nightmare Moon presiding over the five captured harpies. He then looked my way and asked, "Isn't it a little early for Nightmare Night?"

"Nah, that's just their thing. They fancy themselves pirates and... Actually, that's not important." I replied before glancing back over at the five harpies and recalling everything I had seen while inside the ship. "What I needed to ask you is... You got room in the guard for them?"

"Do I... Hang on, what?" Armor asked before glancing at them and back to me. "You're asking me to enlist a bunch of.....weirdoes into the royal guard? From what I heard, they were involved in a hostage situation just now. I mean... I wasn't told about the airship here, but..."

"Yeah, that was me. They snatched me right off the train while having no idea how to even be pirates. They literally had no idea what they were doing. It's actually pretty hilarious in hindsight." I said while almost finding my abduction funny in retrospect. I looked back at my former captors and shook my head in bemusement. "Their bark is a lot worse than their bite. You think you could take them in? They don't seem to be doing so hot on their own. Maybe as... I dunno... Recon scouts? You got anything like that?"

Shining Armor titled his head to one side as he observed the five of them from where he was standing. "Yeah, we do... Supply running might also work... I'm assuming you won't be pressing any charges?"

"No, I'm not interested in taking them to court. They're just a bunch of goofballs who didn't know what they were doing. But it looks like they've been doing surprisingly well for themselves while traveling off the grid for years. They might be really useful among your men." I replied before looking down at my friend. "You think you could do that for them? I have a feeling they won't let you down."

With a long sigh, Shining Armor nodded his head. "OK, I'll at least give them a chance. Considering what they did with you though, I'll have to put them through a few trials to make sure they're not as much trouble as I just heard. I'll also need to have the engineers inspect their ship first to see if it's cut out for the job. Looks like it's seen better days..."

"Yeah, kidnapping is a really stupid thing to do no matter how you slice it... But really, thanks. They're not bad guys. Just a bit aimless." I replied while feeling a bit more glad for the hapless 'pirates'. I then made my way over to the five harpies while Nightmare Moon stepped back. "All right, I talked with the captain of the guard. He's willing to cut you all a break. You're not going to be arrested."

"What's the catch...?" Celaeno asked with her gaze directed to the floor. She really was not having a good day.

I decided to not beat around the bush with my response. "I've asked him to hire you. As recon scouts and the like."

Celaeno suddenly looked up at me, as did the rest of her crew aside from derpy Squabble. They all looked like they could not believe what they had just heard. Celaeno was the first to speak as she said, "Whoa... No way, this sounds too good to be true... You're really vouching for us?"

I tried to sweeten the deal by explaining what they would likely have to expect from being with the royal guard. "Think of it this way. You'll be better supplied and better fed. And the royal guard will maintain your ship. And while scouting, I'm sure you can squeeze in some time for treasure hunting on the side."

Mullet was the first to voice approval for the offer. "Sounds like the lad's setting us up with the opportunity of a lifetime, captain. What's your call?"

The rest of the crew, except for Squabble, looked quite excited and even hopeful at such an offer. While Celaeno was not looking quite as down as before, she still seemed conflicted about the situation. Finally, she let out a sigh and said, "Let me think this over first..."

I brought my hand to Celaeno's face and once again began to apply light scritches through her feathers while cupping her head, glad to see that this whole mess was starting to end on a positive note. "It would...be actually kind of nice to see you again with you all in a better place. You're all...interesting people."

I think the guards were starting to understand that the five harpies were not criminals by this point and undid the binds that were securing their limbs. But once her arms were free, Celaeno reached up and firmly grabbed me by the wrist. I froze as she looked up at me and spoke with a whisper, "I want a word with you. Alone. When we get a minute."

This almost felt like a threat and opened a pit in my gut. As if I had done something wrong and was about to catch hell for it. Then again, suddenly being called for a private talk after a tense moment usually does. "Aye."

The crew of 'pirates' went back below deck once they were free. Probably to tidy up after that crazy dive probably caused all manner of loose objects to get tossed about. It was not like they were going anywhere. All except for Squabble, who Nightmare Moon took an interest in as he just sat there with his eyes looking off in two directions. When I had my back turned for a moment, I heard the guy let out an impressive belch only to turn and see Nightmare Moon staggering away while gagging and gasping for air. I cringed, as did Celaeno, and laughed under my breath. "Probably was better going down..."

With my thoughts going to what it was the crew ate shortly before we arrived, I turned to Celaeno with a question on my mind. "Hey, that...slop Lix Spittle served up. Is that the norm for you birds?"

Celaeno did not seem to be in the mood to talk to me just yet since she just stood at the edge of the deck with her arms crossed. I was about to drop the subject, but she did provide a response without even looking at me. "Yeah... Usually."

My assumption was that the nature of their occupation made gathering supplies difficult, which resulted in very meager or limited food options. Or that the slop Lix Spittle served was all she knows how to cook due to lack of opportunities to expand her culinary repertoire. I then asked, "You think she would get some use out of a cookbook?"

"She would probably appreciate that... Actually, we all probably would." Celaeno retorted quietly, probably more than sick of that slop by now. It was right around then that I felt the ship creak under me, probably just tilting slightly to one side on its keel. But no sooner had it happened that I heard a thud. Celaeno then looked past me as she cast an inquisitive stare at something behind me. "What's his problem?"

When I turned to look, I found Shining Armor collapsed on the deck while looking very green in the face. Estoc was quick to rush to his side, but look more annoyed than anything. "Captain, the ship barely listed a few centimeters! Was that really too much for you?!"

"Told you...I can't handle the air... Lemme stay down here a minute... Can't feel the rocking as much when laying low..." Shining Armor groaned while trying his surest to stay in control of his stomach. Estoc groaned and shook his head, probably having to witness such a sight more times than he would care to admit. I admit I got a chuckle out of that, but stepped back from the gangplank as a number of stallions and mares decked out in sailor uniforms boarded the ship and were instructed by Estoc to go below deck. Probably the ones who would be inspecting the current state of the Zephyrus.

I could not find the will to start up a conversation with Celaeno beyond what was already said. She seemed rather upset with me. But as Nightmare Moon finally composed herself after getting a face full of slop fumes from Squabble, she turned to face the door leading below deck as Mullet emerged with a few companions. The two little titmice perched atop his head, the two little pygmy owls on each shoulder, and the two blue-footed boobies waddling along after him. It looked like they survived that crazy landing just fine and were being brought out for some fresh air. He turned to Nightmare Moon as he asked, "Hey there, um... Just taking the tits, hooters, and boobies out to stretch their land legs while we've dropped anchor."

She did not say anything, but seemed to give Mullet permission to disembark from the ship so long as he did not go far. When he came over to Celaeno, she then asked, "How'd they do? The cages stay in place?"

"Yeah, they weathered the landing just fine. No sign of the stowaway though." Mullet replied while probably referring to that stray kiwi. I decided to make no mention of it now likely being out in the courtyard somewhere.

Once he passed us, Celaeno motioned for me to follow her as she too began to make her way down the gangplank. She was probably going into town for a drink and would need me to escort her through the palace. Estoc must have been having the same idea since he suddenly trotted over to me. "James, hold on. Take this. Just to be safe."

I watched as he used his levitation magic to undo the straps holding his own sword to the side of his armor and passed it to me. While rapiers are not a type of sword I specialize in, I still managed to get the scabbard affixed to my side before starting to follow Celaeno down the gangplank. But before I got far, I was stopped again. This time, by Shining Armor as he called out to me. "Hey, James! Just a sec!"

I turned to look at the captain as he still remained sprawled out on the floor just in case the ship moved at all. He looked like his stomach had settled by then since he did not appear to be in discomfort as he spoke. "Weren't you supposed to be meeting up with Twilight today?"

A sensation of dread hit me hard as I was suddenly reminded of why I was on that train in the first palace when I got snatched right off it. I cringed as I brought my hands to the sides of my head as I knew I was going to catch hell for bailing on her like that. "Oh nooooo, I completely forgot about that! She's gonna kill me!"

"Heheeeeeeh, sorry to hear that! Though I can't blame you if you didn't wanna show up. Goodness knows I try to get out of those meet-ups if I can help it. Best of luck when she catches you!" He said with a laugh as I tried to not think too hard about the imminent encounter with his sister. For the moment, I followed Celaeno down the gangplank and across the courtyard before staying by her side as we entered the castle itself.

Celaeno allowed her eyes to wander as I guided her through the halls. She must have only dreamed of ever setting foot inside the home of royalty. "Never thought I'd actually get to see a place like this..."

I eventually led her out of the palace and then allowed her to lead. Celaeno was getting a lot of attention wherever we went while walking through the streets of Canterlot. Harpies must be a very rare sight in these parts. Eventually, we stopped before Celaeno led me into a rather humble little pub. With the sun having all but set over the horizon, lots of locals were getting off work and popping in to have a drink. Celaeno hung her hat by the door before she sat herself down on a stool at the bar and motioned for me to sit beside her. She ordered a bottle of gin for us to split, the pine-like scent of juniper berries rising from the colorless liquid as it was poured over ice. I finally asked, "So...what's up, captain?"

"Don't call me that." She said quietly before taking a sip of her chilled drink. "Don't go telling the crew this yet, but I'm considering disbanding the crew."

"Wait, what? Just like that? Where's this coming from?" I asked before taking a swig of my own drink after watching the distorted rippling effects deep in the colorless liquid as the ice melted into it. I tensed up as I felt the first strong and crisp bite of pine and alcohol going down my throat. Gin is not a drink I tend to favor as I am more partial to whisky and vodka. "Ugh... Crisp as a winter's morning..."

"Why do you think?" She asked before taking another sip of her drink before setting it down rather firmly with a clack. "I left my crew stranded with no way out and got us all tied up in shackles. What kind of captain does that?"

"Hey, hey, you know that's not true. You've kept your crew going a long time on such a modest budget. Not just anyone can do that." I replied while trying to be as honest and down to earth as I could. "You didn't fail them. The lot of you just got a bit too overzealous with e whole pirate thing. I mean there's a reason piracy just isn't a thing in Equestria."

"No, James... One of my crew invited the guard right into he ship to capture us. And through that, I feel like I've betrayed everyone." She said with a sigh before starting to lift her glass only to lose the will to drink and lower it back to the counter. "And a good captain always takes responsibility..."

I had almost forgotten what she said in the depths of their ship's hold. I did not think she was being quite that serious about it at the time. "Captain... I never was a member of your crew."

"You were by the time I put my full trust in you." She muttered before looking at me with a finger tracing through the feathers along the base of her neck. "Why do you think I let you give me those scritches in the first place? I left myself vulnerable and you showed me you were trustworthy. That kind of faith was all I needed to see to know you were right for my crew."

"And what did I have to offer that the rest of your crew could not provide?" I asked while still finding the notion of being a 'pirate' of the skies all my life to be more than just a little ridiculous.

Celaeno turned her gaze down to the glass of gin in her grasp, as if her own eyes were looking at her own reflection on the surface of her drink. "You know how to make us birds happy."

I was left completely unsure of how to respond at first. That was easily one of the most direct, simple, yet sincere responses I have ever gotten. I did not even look at her as I took another sip of my gin. "Then...is it not enough that I've secured you an opportunity to turn your aimless wandering into something more sustainable?"

My words did little to soothe her wounded pride and sense of duty. Celaeno burst into tears as the alcohol probably started to hit her pretty hard and fast. She went on a tangent about a captain's pride and duty and how the supposed 'betrayal' of her newest crewmate was entirely of her own doing. While I knew I should take her words with a grain of salt at the time, I felt bad that I had caused her to cry. Frustrating as the experience was, I could tell Celaeno was not a bad person and never intended to see any harm come to me from the start.

It was only when she finally stopped talking and poured herself another shot of gin that I tried to think of something that might help soothe her insecurities. Celaeno was just having a bad day and was going through some complications she had no experience in dealing with before and was blowing things out of proportion. "Hey... You seem to be having a bad day, so how about a massage? I give those for a living."

"A mas... A what?" She asked while starting to look just a little tipsy, but I doubt she is a happy drunk. The booze was not doing much to lift her mood.

"A massage. Think of it as scritches, but for more of your body." I replied while thinking that if I was going to miss out on my job, I might as well make up for it with a surprise customer.

Celaeno averted her gaze while scratching away at the base of her neck with unease. "Oh... Well... You won't put me or my mates in a bad place, will you?"

I gently took her hand and pulled it away from her chest, thinking she might end up plucking out some feathers. "No. I'm just offering you a favor."

"Well... If you insist." She replied quietly before rubbing some tears from her face. We both chugged what was left in our glasses before she set a stack of bits on the counter. I guess she was treating me to a drink in exchange for the trouble she put me through. Without a word, she grabbed her hat on our way out while I led Celaeno back to the palace to find a spare room for a bit of privacy.

I was almost confused to hear the clacking of stone against stone while we walked the streets of Canterlot with the roads illuminated by the glows of the streetlamps. And I was really hoping we would not encounter Twilight and her parents while we were out. A quick glance at Celaeno reminded me of that emerald peg leg of hers. I felt it would be best not to inquire how she got that for the time being.

The interior of the palace was lightly patrolled once we returned with Celaeno being very silent during the trek. Once I led her into a guest room, I turned to face her and found the captain scratching away at her neck. A feather or two fell out, giving me the impression it was a habit done out of stress. "Hey... Hold on."

Seeing that what she was doing was a very minor act of self harm, I pulled her hand away and brought mine to her neck as I dragged my softer fingers through her plumage. Celaeno let out a light gasp, but soon sighed in conflicted relaxation as I saw her close her eyes. "You really are good to us birds..."

"Well, I've had time to practice..." I muttered before I noticed her pulling away with a look of unease. Making a bit of a snap decision, I reached out and pulled her into a secure embrace to prevent her from digging into her feathers with her own talons. It was only then that I was holding her in much the same manner I would with a human woman. A first during my time in Equestria, even moreso than with Smolder. "Really... It's OK. I'm not mad at you. And you're not in trouble."

I felt Celaeno put her arms around me while she let out a shaky sigh. "I'm sorry if we gave you any trouble... Really... I never meant to see you put in a bad place."

"And I believe you by now." I whispered back to her while stroking my hand down the long feathers that hung from the back of her head. "You're not a bad captain. You're just...really bad pirates."

"Yeah... I guess we really do suck as pirates when you get right down to it..." Celaeno muttered while almost sounding like she was about to chuckle at her own ineptitude as a scourge of the skies. "Anyway...I guess I'm ready for whatever you have now... Got nothing better to do."

"OK then. Just get comfortable on the bed and we'll get started." I replied before gently releasing Celaeno from my arms. But when she crawled onto the bed, I noticed her press her hands down into the soft covers. "What's up?"

"Would you believe me if I said I haven't seen a bed in years?" Celaeno asked while apparently marveling at how cushy the luxurious bed was to her touch. "You think we'll get comfy digs like this if we're really serving in the guard?"

"Maybe not as fancy as this bed, but I'm sure you'll all get proper accommodations installed on your ship." I replied while not being surprised that they had been lacking in certain modern conveniences out there. They properly slept on cots and hammocks all the while.

"I'm starting to like the sound of that offer..." Celaeno muttered as she removed her gambeson and hat before draping them over the side of the bed. She then lied down on her front and asked, "So...I just get comfortable like this?"

"Yep, this is how I usually do it. Now just relax and I'll get started." I retorted before kicking off my shoes and straddling her. I thought back to the massage sessions I had with Novo on Capricorn Island as reference for how to get started as I dug my fingers through her neck.

"Whoa, that's a...lot firmer than those scritches... Mmm... Can't say I don't like it though..." Celaeno muttered as she rested her head on her arms and allowed me to do as I pleased. Her build was indeed very reminiscent of a human woman, though missing a few more mammalian assets. She was indeed very lean and fit, though the meager diet of the crew likely contributed to that.

"If you don't mind me asking... Why did you and the gang decide to come after me? It doesn't sound like you did it just to try something new as pirates." I asked as my hands began to make their way down her back. I certainly had the right to know, especially since it sounded like kidnapping was not something they had done before.

Celaeno let out a long sigh, almost as if she was embarrassed about the whole thing. "You've seen the state we're in. The condition of the ship. The quality of our food. We've been living lean for a long time, but things were starting to get a bit desperate for us. We were running out of time and then we heard about someone out there who was the only one of his kind in the world."

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised that knowledge about me would get around just enough after two years..." I muttered while wondering where they picked up that information.

"Yeah, well... We got the idea that if that guy is so rare, maybe someone would pay his weight in gold for his safe return if he went missing. So we tracked him... I mean you...down in Ponyville and watched and waited. Then you got on that train at the very back and... Well..." Celaeno explained before looking back at me while looking like she was tempted to laugh at the sheer stupidity of such a move. "I think you've figured out by now we really didn't plan that out as much as we should have. We...eh...kinda suck as pirates."

"Well, when you drop the whole facade, I have to say you just might be the nicest pirates I've ever heard of." I replied while my hands moved to her waist. "Trust me, pirates are real back where I come from and they are far worse than you can possibly imagine. They're not a demographic you want to associate yourself with."

"Well, it's not like we ever wanted to hurt anyone." Celaeno retorted as she let out a long sigh of relaxation. "Man, you're good at that... But... Where was I? Oh yeah... It's not the villainous aspect of those old fairy tales that we found interesting. It was the romantic aspect. Swashbuckling adventurers who sailed the skies, exploring the unknown for any ancient relics in forgotten locales that no one even knows about anymore... Sure, things have been rough at times, but we all love what we do."

The more we conversed, the more sure of herself and happier Celaeno became. The magic of conversation certainly can be therapeutic. I essentially went on autopilot with my massage, feeling through her trousers as I massaged her hips and eventually down her one intact leg. "I think you and your crew will do quite well in the guard. Scouting sounds like something you're already familiar with."

"Yeah, I guess we are. Boyle even draws his own maps when we explore the wilds here and there." Celaeno replied while thoroughly enjoying the experience. Once I finally rolled off of her and allowed my client to sit up, she reached for the ceiling with a long groaning stretch. "Phew... Don't know what you did, but there must have been some magic in your touch. I feel like a new bird."

"Glad to be of service, captain." I replied as Celaeno started to get dressed again. Any ill will I had for her was entirely gone by then. And so I said, "When we get back to your ship... May we start over?"

Celaeno paused as she adjusted the hat on her head before she looked my way with a soft smile. "I'd like that... You're a good man, James. And it sounds like you did me and my crew a favor in spite of the trouble we put you through... You sure we won't be spending in a dungeon though?"

"Very sure. I know it looked bad and you might have doubts, but instead of thinking of your actions putting your crew in a bad spot, think of it as your ambitions led you to a new opportunity." I explained before moving behind her and reaching around, applying scritches to her fluffy chest as she started to let out a few quiet chirps. "It'll all be OK, captain. You did what's best for yourself and the entire crew."

"I really hope so, lad..." She said softly while probably fighting any insecurities that lingered in her mind. She soon stood up and closed up her coat before once again adjusting the angle of her hat.

As I took in her form, I felt daring enough to throw a compliment her way. "You're quite a pretty bird, captain."

She flinched hard at my words and almost laughed. "Oh come on, you know pirates don't do pretty, right?"

"Then that makes you the prettiest pirate out there." I said with a hefty dose of wit while Celaeno could only laugh at my praise.

"Really, James? Are you making a pass at a lady who's probably got more than a decade on you?" Celaeno asked while casting me a smirk with arms crossed. "I'm just about ready to turn forty, you know."

"What?! But..." I yelped while being more surprised by her age than her assuming that I might have been flirting with her. She looked much younger than that. At least until I remembered something about tropical birds. "Oh right... Your kind tend to age very well. Like...shockingly well."

"That we do, matey." Celaeno said while waiting by the door. "Anyway, before we head back up... Did you say something about grabbing a cookbook for Lix Spittle?"

"Oh yeah, I did. Better go grab that. You coming?" I asked before stepping out into the hall after sliding my shoes back on.

"Sure, I could still get some stretching for my land legs." She replied while we made our way out of the palace and through the streets in the hopes of finding a bookstore that was still open at a later hour.

While we walked along, I thought it would be a good time to get some answers straight from the bird's beak. "So, um... What can you tell me about your kind? Harpies, right? I never even heard of them until today."

"Well, I'm not surprised you hadn't. We tend to stick to the tropics. Rainforests and the like." Celaeno replied while I found myself imagining something akin to the tropical regions of South America back home. Although she then leaned closer to me and said with a hint of pride to her voice, "And a little something else? We invented the modern airship."

"Whoa, seriously?! You created those things?!" I said with some extra volume to my voice as I heard that. I suppose it would be fitting for birds to invent aircraft, but flightless birds?

Celaeno beamed with a bit of smugness to her smile. "Yep! I'm guessing we got sick of seeing our cousins flying in the sky while we couldn't, so we harpies invented a new means to fly. And now everyone across the world uses airships. So if see one flying above, just remember. We harpies made that possible."

"Well, that's quite an impressive contribution to Equestria's society your people made, captain. And everyone appreciates it." I said while still remembering how much I enjoyed my first flight aboard the Olympia not long ago.

Not much later, we did find a bookstore that was on the verge of closing. I stepped in, grabbed the first cookbook I could find, paid for it at the counter, and headed on back to the palace with Celaeno. But no sooner had we gotten inside did we bump into Celestia in the main hall. The Princess of the Dawn looked our way and cast us an inquisitive gaze as she said, "Well, I see the talk of harpies in Canterlot was correct. Are you the captain of the airship that's now taking up space out in the courtyard?"

Celaeno froze with a look of unease in her eyes as her gaze darted every which way. "Um... Yes? And...I'm guessing you're the one in charge around here?"

"Yes, I am Princess Celestia. Have you never heard of me?" Celestia asked with genuine bewilderment as I too could barely believe that Celaeno and her crew were oblivious to her existence.

Celaeno facepalmed while I cracked an amused smirk. "We really need to start staying up to date with current events..."

I then decided to speak for her as said, "It's a really long story, Celestia. Let's just say you might have some new recruits in the royal guard's air force soon."

"Really now? Always good to hear. Anyway..." Celestia said while she stepped forward. "I was looking for you, James. And you... Celaeno, was it? The inspections with your ship aren't complete yet, but would you mind heading on out there while James and I have a moment?"

"Oh, sure. I'll just...get right back out there." Celaeno said before looking back at me with a smile. "Come on back up on deck when you can."

"Will do. See you soon." I replied before Celaeno began to head out the nearby tall doors to the courtyard. I expected her to run, but I suppose that is impossible with that peg leg. I then looked to Celestia and asked, "So, what's up?"

"Nothing much. I was just asked to let you know you are being expected in the dining hall. And to be quick about it." Celestia said while looking like she was trying to not smirk in amusement.

"I am? Oh, thanks. I'll head right over." I replied before Celestia and I shared a brief kiss. I then made my way down the halls through the castle and pushed the door open to the dining hall. But no sooner had I stepped inside was I greeted with a very angry horse noise before getting slapped over the top of my head with a book. "Ow, what the?!"

"Darn it, James! How could you leave me hanging like that with my parents! You were supposed to be here tonight! Do you have any idea what a headache it was without you there to back me up?!" Twilight Sparkle all but yelled at me as I found my friend glaring up at me while looking like she had a rough night. I cringed as I was reminded of what my 'abduction' had caused me to skip out on.

"Oh crap, I..." I muttered in trepidation as I understood the situation. Poor Twilight... "Look, I know this sounds absurd, but I was abducted right off the train by a bunch of pirates and hauled off on their airship!"

Twilight's response was a moment of stunned silence as she just stared at me in shock. This did not last long as I was once again smacked atop my head with the same book. "Really, James?! Pirates aren't even a thing in Equestria! They're just fairy tale nonsense! Now, be serious! Why'd you bail on me like that?!"

Wow, she was mad. That must have been a real doozy of an evening with her parents for her to be that frustrated with me. "Ow! Twilight, come on! You know I'm not the lying type! Their airship is still docked out in the courtyard! Hasn't your brother told you anything?!"

"No, because Armor set himself up with a few extra duties so he wouldn't get dragged into this mess himself. I haven't seen him all evening!" Twilight loudly grumbled in frustration. I know she does not blame Shining Armor for keeping some distance with his parents, but wow...

Knowing that Twilight would not be convinced without visual confirmation, I decided to provide proof the only way I could. "I could introduce you to them if you want. They're a colorful bunch and... Well, I need to deliver this cookbook to one of them."

With reluctance, Twilight let out an exasperated groan as she said, "OK, fine. You can humor me this time. But next time, I'll personally make sure you make it to the next date."

"Really, Twi. It wasn't my idea to not show up... Although maybe I should thank them for getting me out of a bad situation." I said with a laugh as I realized I probably should have been thanking my 'captors' for saving me from an awkward evening with someone I would rather not be around. "Anyway, seeing as how you've never hit me over the head with a book before... Bad day?"

"Very bad day. I'm gonna have to go for double the liquor when we get back." Twilight groaned as we started to make our way through the halls to get back out to the courtyard.

"Well, I already had a helping of gin, but that sounds good anyway." I replied while only mildly tipsy by then. I was still sober enough to pass myself off as not having had a drink at all, but my inhibitions were slightly weaker at the time.

"Ooh, some gin on the rocks does sound really good right about now." Twilight replied while pleasantly distracted by the thought. "I could really go for some of that crisp and cold juniper berry flavor."

A thought then came into my mind as I tried to pass the time while we walked. "Anyway, did you learn something new today?"

"Just one thing..." Twilight grumbled as she rolled her eyes. "A Philbert's screwdriver is persuasive, but not seductive."

"OK, I'm not gonna ask where that came from. But knowing your mom, that could mean anything." I retorted before bursting into awkward laughter. Really, what did I end up missing that night?!

We soon entered the courtyard and Twilight stopped dead in her tracks as she saw the wooden vessel sitting at the far end of the garden in plain sight. "Wha... Why is there an airship docked here?"

"Oh, I dunno. Maybe you should ask the hapless harpies who thought it was a good idea to strand themselves here." I replied with a smirk as we drew closer. "Still think I'm making stuff up?"

"I... I'm not sure yet. Show me these 'pirates' first." Twilight said with some skepticism while a number of royal guards stood watch over the illegally docked airship. But once we made our way up the gangplank and were about to reach the deck, Squabble stuck his head over the side and gave Twilight a bit of a scare with a loud squawk. My friend yelped and leaned away from him as she shrieked, "Gah! What's this?!"

"Hey, be nice to my friend, birdbrain. She's having a bad enough day as is." I said while pushing his head away from her. He then gave me a goofy smile and lightly tapped his metal beak on my head, probably to just make a funny coconut sound or something. "Tch, fine. And did they bring you guys dinner since it's late?"

All Squabble did was let out a squawk again before stepping back from the edge. "Eh, I think he likes me. Hey, Twi. Come on up. It's safe. The guards are everywhere anyway."

"What is even wrong with that bird?" Twilight asked, having not gotten a look at his full body yet. But once she got up on deck, she was quick to notice something about the crew. "Huh? They're...harpies? This far north?"

"That's what I heard." I said before I stepped out onto the deck. "Anyway, I've got a cookbook for the cook of the...um...what do they call this ship again?"

The first response I got was Squabble once again squawking into my face. My response was to push his beak away. "I wasn't asking you, deck chair!"

Twilight's eyes then fell upon Mullet as she stared in bewilderment once he looked our way with eye patch in plain sight. He seemed to be sweeping the deck with a broom before he noticed me. "Well, look you came back. Dogmeat."

"Nice to see you too, spit roast. They at least feeding you guys while you're stuck here?" I asked while knowing they were likely hungry by then. That slop from before did not look particularly filling. I then looked down at Twilight, who then looked up at me while completely speechless. "You see? Pirates. In name only though."

"You really weren't kidding..." Twilight muttered in utter disbelief. However, she then sniffed the air. I too noticed and saw Estoc leading up several guards all carrying platters covered in silver domes. "Huh? Are they being served dinner?"

"Oh, nice! Hey, mates! They've got us some grub!" Mullet called out as he noticed that some hot meals were being brought up. The rest of the crew was at the stern of the ship and quickly made their way over with Twilight quite taken with the colorful crew of the ship.

"Everything all right up here, captain?" I asked as Celaeno walked by while looking like she was in much better spirits than before.

"Yeah, we're good. Still waiting on the inspectors to finish up down below. Good to know someone who knows a thing or two about airships are scoping it out for us." She replied before heading for the center of the airship's deck. "Anyway, got some fresh grub for us?"

Right as Lix Spittle started to pass me by, I remembered what I had tucked under my arm. "Oh, right! Hey, chef! Got something for you."

Lix Spittle took the book in hand before stashing it in one of her apron's empty pockets. "Hm? This is... Ooh, a cookbook! I've always wanted to get my hands on one! Aren't you just the sweetest shipmate, you handsome lad."

I recoiled in horror as she gave me a grateful, yet almost flirtatious wink before she continued along to the middle of the ship to join her crewmates. I noticed Twilight giving me a bit of an amused smirk as she likely found some entertainment in my response. I then turned my attention to the five harpies as they sat down in a row as the covered platters were set before them. Boyle reached for the lid over his platter with his one remaining hand as he asked, "So, what's on the menu tonight?"

With a plume of steam, the five domed lids were removed. The chef must have been playing it safe since all I saw was an assortment of sautéed vegetables in an oil and garlic sauce. Rather than look pleased, the entire lot of the birds look confused. Mullet then asked, "And what's all this?"

"Vegetables, from the look of it." Lix Spittle retorted, probably being the most fluent in food types than the rest of her crew at the time.

"You mean they don't make slop outta this stuff?" Boyle asked while leaving me utterly perplexed by how out of touch these guys were with fine dining. Had it really been that long since they last had a really good meal?

"You...don't have much experience in fine dining, do you?" Twilight asked while probably just as baffled by their responses as I was.

With the exception of Squabble, who was happily plucking up his meal piece by piece with just his beak, the other four harpies mumbled and stammered in unified hesitation. Still a bit under the inebriating influence of gin, I was a bit more forward than I would usually be with my response. "Just shut up and eat. You'll like it."

They all too happily obliged. With just the first taste, they all started digging in with impressive enthusiasm. Having seen enough to be convinced that I was not making up anything, Twilight excused herself to go have a word with Celestia over some things back inside the palace. I looked towards the stern of the airship as the royal guards started to remove boxes of junk from below deck. I suppose they were going to put some stuff in storage before long. I even saw some of the wooden fake weapons they had lying around as well. Eventually, I heard Celaeno let out a sigh of satisfaction as her platter was left bare. "Oh yeah, that hit the spot. Best cooking I've had in ages."

"Well, hold onto that cookbook if you want to eat like kings again. You're bound to find something good in there." I replied while hoping Lix Spittle could get some use out of it.

The ship's cook all too happily smiled at me as she said, "Oh, I can't wait to start looking through this. Thanks, cutie."

"Egh... No problem?" I muttered while still not pleased at the thought of being hit on by such an unsightly old bird. But it was right around then that I noticed Shining Armor conversing with some of the inspectors that had been called up to the deck.

A moment later, he approached me and signaled the harpies to come over as well. "All right, the inspection is complete and decisions have been made. First of all, no charges will be filed against you, as requested by James here. We'll just pass this whole mess off as one big ridiculous misunderstanding."

"Well, that's not exactly untrue, but... Thanks anyway?" Celaeno replied while still looking a little embarrassed with herself over the entire fiasco that resulted in where we were at that moment.

Shining Armor then let out a sigh as he then said, "Right. Now then, the bad news... Quick question first. How long have you guys been out there sailing the skies?"

They all looked at each other as if not entirely sure how to answer that question. Celaeno did eventually speak as she said, "If I had to hazard a guess... Around eight years?"

"Eight?!" Shining Armor said with exasperation before letting out a surprised whistle. "That explains things... Anyway, lets just say the engineers had to say your ship is...really not holding itself together very well. The hull isn't watertight, so emergency landings in water are no longer possible. The engines are in dire need of an overhaul. And that's not even counting all the little things. Rigging is starting to rot, refrigeration units are dead, the septic tank is missing... Let's just say the estimate is that you would've been lucky to go another year before the whole thing started to fall apart on you. This thing is barely skyworthy anymore and it's a miracle whoever's been patching it up here and there has been holding it together."

"Oh yeah, that'd be me." Boyle spoke up, apparently taking some pride in his handiwork in helping keep the airship functional after so long out in uncharted territories.

"Anyway, what I'm saying is this." Shining Armor explained while maintaining an air of professionalism I rarely see him exude. "We normally don't hire freelancers. You'd have to undergo a number of steps to be properly recruited. However..."

He then used the levitation spell to bring over several large sheets of parchment that he then unfurled. They all seemed to be hand drawn maps of commendable detail. "We found these. And... Did you guys really make these yourselves? From what I can tell, these locations haven't even been properly mapped yet."

"That's our navigator. Never misses a chance to clear things up in new territories." Mullet said with a bit of pride while he cast a glance at Boyle. The tall and buff harpy held his head a bit higher, rather pleased with his trade.

Shining Armor then rolled up the maps and set them aside. "I see... Well, there is no denying your skills in navigating uncharted territories while staying off the grid. These kinds of skills are vital for scouting. So I think it would be the right call to enlist you guys as one. But considering the circumstances and that this is a massive exception... We'll have to start you guys off small to get you used to these new routines. Are you up for it?"

"You never did say if we were good for the job, captain. What's your call?" Boyle asked as all eyes fell upon Celaeno. Even Squabble was giving his captain a bit of a glance out of the corner of his eye.

Celaeno crossed her arms and closed her eyes, her head tilting to one side. "All things considered... As crazy as this day has been, winding up here when we did just might have been a blessing in disguise after all."

"That mean what I think it does?" Lix Spittle asked while the rest of the crew started to look rather excited and hopeful.

A smile spread across Celaeno's beak as she opened her eyes and looked down at Shining Armor. "Sign us up. I don't think we'll be disappointing you."

The other four harpies let out whoops and cheers and squawks of approval, all of them sounding really pleased to finally be getting some direction in their lives. They certainly looked like they could use it. However, while he was showing a smile, Shining Armor still tried to take some control over the situation. "Hold on there! It's too soon for you to actually start scouting anyway! Your ship still needs to be fixed up anyway, so we'll be starting you all off small to show you the ropes."

"You'll be restoring the Zephyrus?! Oh, that's the best news I've heard I've heard in months. Poor girl's seen better days and I'd hate to see her taken to the scrapyard." Boyle said with genuine glee in his eyes. While I am sure all of the crew are attached to their home and means of transportation, I am sure he especially has a soft spot for it since he probably maintains most of the upkeep on it.

"Yes, we will. It's in rough shape, but it's design is sturdy and ideal for the job you'll be taking." Shining Armor explained while he tapped his hoof to get their attention. "But for now, we'll be setting you up with one of our cargo vessels for supply runs. So you'll be making deliveries for now."

Lix Spittle then spoke up, "Delivery pirates? That don't sound too bad."

Shining Armor cocked his head to one side as he heard that. "Huh? No, no, no piracy at all. You'll be working as couriers."

"Courier pirates then." Mullet added as I started to find some amusement in their very insistent use of the terminology.

"No! You're all going to be mailmen for a while!" Shining Armor started to say with some more volume to his voice as the harpies began to thoroughly annoy him.

"Mail pirates!" Boyle all but shouted as they all looked like they were starting to have some fun with him.

Shining Armor cringed in exasperation as I had to all but restrain myself from laughing at the poor guy. "Does EVERYTHING have to be pirates with you?!"

"That's kind of our thing, matey!" Celaeno said with a laugh while her crew whooped and squawked in approval.

Shining Armor then abruptly turned to me as he probably heard me let out a chuckle. "James, help me out here! I can't have anyone referring to themselves as pirates serving in the royal guard!"

I crossed my arms and stared at the five harpies. An idea quickly came to mind. "You know, where I come from, professional pirates who offered their services were referred to as privateers."

That word seemed to resonate with the lot of them as even Celaeno held a fist to the underside of her beak. "Privateer, huh? I kinda like the sound of that..."

"OK... OK then! I wanna make something perfectly clear!" Shining Armor declared as he looked back at the harpies with a bit of a frustrated twitch to his eye. Poor guy went out of his way to avoid the demented antics of his parents, but ended up having to deal this absurdity instead. "These birds...are going to be...delivering cargo as..."

"Privateering pirates!" I heard my own voice from somewhere. I too was taken aback by this and noticed all four of the harpy crew looking down at Squabble of all people. And since he is a type of parrot harpy...

"James, not you too!" Shining Armor yelled as the entire crew burst into laughter while I could only laugh as well. Did he really not notice that Squabble was only mimicking me? I guess old Murdock is still in there somewhere.

The crew started to make their way off the ship while following Shining Armor. It sounded like a recovery airship would be coming by to haul the Zephyrus over to the docks so that repairs could be made. However, I stayed up on deck with Celaeno a while longer as the night had gotten started. "Well...this day turned out pretty OK despite how it started."

"Sure did. I never would've guessed the royal guard would hire us like that. And we still get to do plenty of treasure hunting on the side. Best of both worlds." Celaeno said while sounding more relieved than happy. This was probably one of the most uplifting days she must have had in a long time. She then looked at me and said, "All that trouble and I never really repaid you for it... I swear I'll make it up to you at some point, James. You did my crew and I a huge favor tonight."

"Well, I'm just glad you guys disproved my worst fears when you snatched me up. I thought I was in for a bad time. You guys really know how to put on a convincing show." I replied while feeling pretty glad for her. While easily the most incompetent of pirates, they were also the most pleasant of pirates.

Celaeno chuckled uneasily while gazing up at the moon as it shone down on the mountain summit. "Trust me, I know we put on a tough face, but we really don't want to hurt anyone. I hope you can eventually forgive Mullet, he's really a big sweetheart."

"Yeah, well... Maybe later." I grumbled as I saw her first mate disappear into the palace with the rest of the harpy crew. While I did not hate the guy, that first impression did not exactly have me liking Mullet by the end of the day.

I felt Celaeno pat me on the shoulder as if to reassure me. "Really, I'd prefer it if we stay out of trouble entirely. I mean sure, we can hold our own in a scuffle, but I'd hate to see anything happen to my crew. They're not just my mates. We're all family here."

Strong words and I could tell she meant every one of them. But she then gave me a nudge while she said, "And I stand by what I said. You're part of this crew now, even if you won't be sailing the skies with us."

"Sheesh, captain... You really are good at what you do." I said with a chuckle while taking that claim with a dose of salt. I then looked at her and said, "I guess things are going to be just fine now, huh?"

"Probably. I'm gonna miss the Zephyrus while she's out of commission, but it'll be good to get back out there. Even if we'll have to put off treasure hunting for a while until we're done with this supply running gig." Celaeno replied before looking at me again. "But for now... Don't you have somewhere to be?"

Her words reminded me of how late it was starting to get and what I had been doing all evening. "Right... I probably should get going. I already bailed on Twilight because of all this. I shouldn't keep her waiting at the train station too... You know, maybe I should be thanking you for all this. You got me out of an unpleasant situation today."

"Did we now? Even if you weren't exactly having fun?" Celaeno asked while casting me a bemused smirk.

"Meh, choose your poison. I'd rather hang with you birdbrains than Twilight's mom." I said while Celaeno and I had a good laugh together. I then held out my hand to her for a handshake to say goodbye. "Anyway... You and your mates take it easy, all right?"

Celaeno did not settle for a mere handshake. She grabbed my hand and pulled me into her arms for an embrace while letting out a delightful churr. "You too, matey. Look us up next time you're up here. Chances are we'll be sticking around for a while."

I all too happily returned her affections, putting my arms around her while giving some scritches to the back of her head. "Will do. Have a good one, captain."

I then departed while Celaeno stayed behind on the deck with the remaining royal guards who were standing watch. Twilight and I soon made our way back to Ponyville on the next train out and made a beeline to the library and then the liquor cabinet up in the loft. Spike was already asleep. Good thing too since he probably knew Twilight was not going to have a good night.

A few shots later, I came home for a late dinner with Fluttershy while the kids were already in bed. It is getting very late and I really should be getting to bed soon. What a weird day. It is not often one can say they were kidnapped off a train only to basically end up becoming friends with a bunch of pirate wannabes. Hopefully the next time I cross paths with those crazy birds, it will be in less extreme circumstances. But for now, time to wash up and get to sleep. I am absolutely beat. Impromptu skydiving on a falling airship will do that to you.