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I really thought that the day after the rulers of the dragon lands and Capricorn Island departed would be the day where I could truly leave behind everything that happened on the Empty Plains. Where I could finally start over and begin to ease myself back into the simple life of Ponyville. The only change under our roof was that we had a new little friend living amongst us. Dear little Ocellus. And she has been a source of quiet joy for me. She seems a little lost at this time. Although I suppose that is to be expected when all she had known up to that point was life in the Changeling hive and being amongst a militia during wartime. I emphasized with her at the time. I knew what it was like to be completely out of my element at first.

Whenever Ocellus heads into town, she is always in Smolder's company. Sometimes even with Gallus. And she never goes without her favorite disguise. All of Ponyville seems to think she is really a dragon who followed us home. It is a shame that she must hide for now. She is just not ready to reveal herself to the people of Ponyville.

I received word that my employers at the spa and Sugarcube Corner have given me a reprieve to rest at home. It may be a few weeks before I am truly ready to return to work. But I had been getting out of the house a lot to try and reacquaint myself to the town I had come to call my home. I thought that this would be the beginning of my return to something familiar. That I could finally just be happy being back home and around the people I had come to adore. I truly believed that being back home would make me happy. That the people of Ponyville would welcome me back like nothing had ever happened.

I was wrong.

No matter where I go... I can still feel their eyes upon me. I thought those gazes of wariness or even outright resentment would never follow me outside of the encampment I had shared with my allies on the warfront. But no... Equestria knew by then. Everyone knew. There was no possible way to rationalize the continued classification of what it was that resulted in humanity's extinction so long ago. Equestria knew the ugly truth about their world's human population. And they knew why the war even happened in the first place.

When they are around me, I can feel them staring at me. I cannot go anywhere anymore while feeling like I am just another citizen of Ponyville. I can no longer hide in plain sight anymore. Everyone sees me. Everyone knows me. And everyone loathes me. I was the harbinger of Equestria's near fundamental destruction and everyone in town knows it by now. The entire world knows it by now.

Why do they hesitate? I keep expecting words of cruelty. I keep expecting something to be thrown at me. Nothing like that has happened yet, but I can still feel those piercing glares. With every passing day, I have tried to avoid Ponyville whenever possible. My home with Fluttershy is my one true sanctuary. Or...it was.

My days back in Ponyville have been aimless. I should have felt relieved to be back home after so long. And I was. That first couple of days were a wonderful reprieve. And the cheering crowd who greeted us upon our return... No... They were not cheering for us. They were cheering for them. All of those who had been endangered by my presence. I did not realize it at the time, but I do now. Too many times I have slipped away to somewhere quiet just to sit down and...shed some tears. I never feel safe in Ponyville anymore. I have not smiled in days. And now...I cannot even bring myself to hold Gladesong anymore.

What horrifies me most is the knowledge of what kind of world my child would have had to grow up in had the emperor succeeded in his ambitions. I would never wish a child of Equestria to live in a world like Earth. What would have become of her had Equestria become a twisted parody of the world I left behind? I feel unworthy... How could I ever be worthy of holding that precious little filly after what my presence in this world had wrought.

They know something is wrong. Fluttershy can see something is not right with me. She can see the misery in me. And there is no hiding my breaking heart from Ocellus. I do take what little comfort I can from them. Especially Smolder. She is certainly trying to live up to Ember's request to watch over me and feeling her hand closing its fingers around mine does keep the darkness at bay. As the days went by, she began to escort me everywhere I went in town. But every time... I could never ignore it. The eyes... Always watching. Always judging. The instant I felt someone around me, those thoughts came to the forefront of my mind and I could simply...not...stop thinking about it... Ponyville used to comfort me. It used to bring my happiness. Now it only brings me misery.

One night, I stared at myself in the mirror. My bandages still wrapped around my scalp. And I beheld the cutie marks upon my upper arms. Those beautiful yet plain patches of white depicting the stylized outlines of twin doves locked in a loving nuzzle. Never before had I felt such an urge to just...tear them out of my flesh. I did not belong there anymore. That badge of citizenship in Equestria no longer held any meaning. I tried poking and prodding at those patches of white, wondering if I could just peel them off. I had never interacted with my cutie marks with such attention before, but nothing I did changed anything. It was as if my cutie marks were part of the skin itself. Although it did feel strangely relaxing whenever I rubbed over them for a while...

That relaxing sensation was just pleasing enough to get my mind off the demons. A long soak in the bathtub helped as well that night. But the misery returned that morning. And for just a moment, I allowed myself to hope. That maybe that day would be the one where the people of Ponyville would find it in themselves to look past the war and my involvement in it. I walked into town with Smolder by my side...and found that it was not meant to be.

Those stares of resentment when I am not looking... I felt them again. They followed me everywhere. But I tried to hide it from Smolder. And I only barely succeeded. That evening, I gazed upon my two hands. My very presence had very nearly doomed Equestria. I very nearly heralded the permanent loss of this wonderful world's ideologies and innocence to the influence of a world that would never respect or preserve its new neighbor's way of life. And I had to wonder... How much longer would it be before my presence endangered this world again?

I could still remember the horror and despair I felt atop the Heaven's Pillar. The utter sense of failure when I discovered that closing that portal was entirely out of my control. How much longer would it be until my presence in Equestria fueled another cataclysm that I could not undo?

It has been barely more than a week since my return to Ponyville. And I had decided I would end this problem today. And in the only way I could. I departed my home while insisting to all there that I was just going to take a long walk while staying away from town. Just to clear my head. A pleasant lie.

The isolation of the meadows and the towering apple trees of the very edge of Sweet Apple Acres was strangely comforting. No one around to hate me. Although I was certain the people of Ponyville were conspiring against me at that moment. I cold still remember how I told the moon king himself how I was so certain I would disappear and be found bloody and beaten to death in a ditch somewhere. I was not entirely serious at the time. But now... I could vividly imagine that happening.

All I could do then was save them the trouble.

There was a certain spot I knew of. A place I had visited once in a while at the southern edge of the local park. And after traveling as the crow flies for a good while, I did arrive. I was wise to pick a Sunday to do this. Very few visitors in the early afternoon and I was able to evade them easily enough. And then...my feet began to carry me up a certain slope.

A sign was present. One that I ignored. A sign warning of a sheer drop. My feet carried myself higher with no one around to see me. No one around to interfere. Not that they would. I felt...a certain crescendo in my heart. The kind of thrill that comes from anticipating a certain climax. And there it was. The slope reached a tiny plateau that reached out into a cliff that overlooked a creek bed that was not quite at maximum capacity. And it was quite a long drop. More than enough to be fatal even with a thin layer of water coating the rocky earth beneath the surface.

I stood at that cliff edge, staring down at my destination. A tiny voice in my head was urging me to turn back. That accursed survival instinct. But I hushed it. This was not the time to be selfish. I needed to look at the big picture. No one from a world as blighted as Earth has any business putting themselves before a world as wonderful as Equestria. It was not like I had anything to go back to now. All that awaited me was more resentment. And there was no telling how much longer it would be before even that tolerance would reach its limit. I was living on borrowed time. And I decided...that I would much rather die on my own terms.

I remembered the initial wariness and suspicions among my allies after the king and queen of Equestria revealed how my presence was sustaining the emperor. And the outspoken hatred my allies roared at me while in the infirmary. And I could never forget the few who became desperate enough to end my life. The only reason I was still breathing was...

That voice in my head spoke louder. I was saved more than once. By friends. And even by lovers. I was treasured by some. And it would have been a mistake had I perished too soon. But now that the danger had passed, how much longer did this world had before I would unwittingly unleash a new cataclysm upon in?

I had to silence that voice in my head with all the will I could muster. The few who defended me even when the rest of the world wanted me gone were just that. A few. An insignificant number in the grand scheme of things. And yet...tears flowed. Tears of knowing that my actions that day would bring pain to the few who would mourn me. But at the same time... As I beheld the solution far below me... I felt...at peace. I even found myself beginning to smile. Even in spite of all the misery, I could leave this world knowing that it would be in good hands or hooves. I did my part. And that was enough.

Equestria had narrowly escaped a cataclysm that my presence had forced upon them. And now the last taint of human sin would be purged from this world. Equestria would be preserved. It would remain as it always had been. As it should be. And I took comfort in knowing that this was for the best. I breathed deeply to calm my heart and steady my nerves for what was about to happen. For what needed to happen. And so I did. With eyes to the sky before closing one last time, I pushed myself forward as I took that final step and just.....let go.

That should have been the end. That should have been the end of my story. But I suppose circumstances conspired against me again. For if that had truly been where it all ended, I would not be writing this at this moment. I had taken that last step forward, eyes squinted shut as I expected the unbearable sensation of falling. But that sensation never came.

Puzzled over why I had not plummeted yet, I finally opened my eyes and looked down. My leg was outstretched, my body weight shifted forward to let myself fall over the cliff. But my outstretched foot remained parallel with my other as if I was standing upon an invisible platform. I pointing the front of my foot downward and found that there really was nothing but empty space there. I was not being held up. I was being held back.

My shirt felt tighter than usual. As if someone was pulling hard on the backside. But it did not feel like hands. More like...something had taken hold of the entire backside of my shirt. And when I turned my head to look back... I was both disappointed, yet not surprised.

Twilight Sparkle was barely ten paces from me. The soft grass covering the slope leading up to that cliff had muffled the firm tapping of her hooves. But how did she even know I was there? I went out of my way to avoid Ponyville. No one knew I was there. Her magic aura billowed around her horn while her levitation spell held me back. All she would have to do was let go and I would fall. She did not blink once, her eyes showing a gaze of alarm while she tried to remain composed. She asked softly, "What are you doing...?"

This was dangerous. One of my most dearly vital friends being in my company was causing that voice in my head to speak evermore loudly. I needed to get this over with before I could lose my nerve. "Let go, Twilight."

"If I do, you'll...fall." She replied while not really looking like she knew how to deal with the situation.

"That's the plan. Please... Let go." I replied in the hopes that brief answers would be enough to earn her cooperation.

"I...can't... Please. Step back." She pleaded again, her hooves taking her one step forward. One of Twilight's forward hooves reached forward, as if beckoning me to come to her.

Frustration began to fill my heart. This intervention could potentially doom Equestria. I understood why she was trying to stop me, but it was still a mistake. I then asked firmly, "You got a problem with a man choosing to die on his own terms?"

"I have a problem with my friend cutting himself out of my life like this!" Twilight suddenly shouted at me that even made me recoil from the jump in her voice's volume. She then pleaded while sounding like she was on the verge of tears, "I don't even know why you're doing this! Please, can we just...talk about this?!"

My nerve faltered. I adjusted my posture and allowed Twilight to pull me back onto solid ground. With a long and disappointed sigh, I slumped to the ground and just sat at the edge of that cliff with my eyes gazing out over the vista. I could never hope to pull such a stunt off while someone was watching. Twilight immediately rushed to my side and held me in an embrace. I did not return it. "What's wrong... What's gotten into you? Did someone say something to you?"

"No... No one said anything. But I can always feel them staring..." I explained with my eyes looking into the distance. Twilight's embrace did nothing to soothe my thoughts. "I thought Equestria would be able to look past what my presence meant during the war... But it didn't. I can feel the same resentment from the locals as I did from our own allies, Twi... I don't belong in this world anymore."

"Wha... What resentment?" Twilight asked as she took a seat beside me. She gazed at me in genuine ignorance as she asked, "What do you mean the people of Ponyville resent you? I've seen you in town at times and nopony has ever given you any funny looks. Why do you think they...want you gone?"

"Because I can feel it, Twi. I never see it when I'm looking at them. But when my back's turned... I can feel it. They know the truth about why the war even happened. They know what I am." I muttered in glum resignation. As miserable as I felt, I could no longer bring myself to roll off the cliff before me. Not while she was there. "All I have to do is go into town. And then...they all notice me. And I can feel the animosity... And when I do feel them watching me, I can't stop noticing it. And it sticks with me throughout the day."

"Just...being around them triggers these feelings in you? And you can't stop feeling or thinking about it when it happens?" Twilight asked with a tone that made it sound like she just had an epiphany. All I did was nod. Twilight sighed harshly while gazing out at the horizon. I did not expect what was said next. "You too, huh?"

"Me...too?" I asked in actual bewilderment. That response caused my curiosity to overtake my misery, my head turning sharply towards her as I listened.

"I mean... Not what you've been feeling specifically. But...these symptoms..." Twilight explained before she looked at me with a very concerned gaze. "You're not the only one who's been having...issues since we got back home. Applejack and Big Macintosh have been struggling to head back out into the orchard to finish this season's harvest. Something about being surrounded by tall trees makes them uncomfortable. And Rainbow Dash... She's tried to snatch up several ponies in town because they went a little too low to the ground. And...they can't explain these impulses."

Was I not the only one who came home with these unexplainable fits of extreme negative emotions? I then asked cautiously, "Twilight... You're the brains of our gang. What's your take on it?"

My friend looked to the sky and sighed wistfully. "It...sounds like textbook cases of PTSD to me... And it's so rare in Equestria."

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. All too fitting a response to the people of Equestria experiencing the horrors of warfare for the first time. They could never have known what they were getting themselves into when they signed up to join the militia. And I... I may be human, but I was never a warrior. I had never had a mind for such settings. I should not have been surprised by the effect warfare had finally taken on my psyche. "I...guess that would explain it."

"I wish I could emphasize with you, James. I really do. It's...weird when I'm the only one of our friends who served who got out of that mess without it." Twilight sighed almost in shame, her head resting against my shoulder. "I guess I got lucky because I was always in the back rows... I couldn't even see what was happening out there... But from the sound of it, an overwhelming majority of those who saw frontline combat are experiencing various symptoms of trauma related disorders. At least that's what my brother said a little after her got home."

My mind and my instincts were in conflict with each other. I knew what she said was true. This...inability to separate the reality of the situation with what my gut instinct was telling me. It was not normal. I was...not well. And if I really was suffering from such a cognitive disorder brought on not by bad genes, but by trauma... Was there even a way to fix me? "Then...what should I do, Twilight?"

She said nothing at first. And I began to despair. While PTSD may be a rarity in the world of Equestria, it is far more common in the world I come from. In the world of Earth, PTSD has no true cure. And it has ruined people. Would I be forever chained to something I could not control? With a sigh, Twilight looked at me. "I think we should ask Princess Celestia. She was the commander of the militia during the war. She was everything we did."

As one of the top brass who oversaw the assembling of Equestria's defenders, it seemed like a logical choice to approach her first. And Twilight had always had direct communications to her through Spike. All I did was nod while feeling just so unsure of anything anymore. But when Twilight stood up, I did not follow. "Let's go then... James?"

"I don't want...to go through town again, Twi. Not with all those eyes watching." I muttered as I felt the dread of being watched by eyes of resentment that were not actually there. Even if my mind knew they were only fabrications of my fears, my heart would not be convinced otherwise.

"In that case..." Twilight said with a slight hint of confidence in her tone. She placed a hoof on my shoulder and spoke into my ear. "Let's take a shortcut."

A second later, a flash of light surrounded us before I found that we were up in Twilight's loft in the local library. The teleportation spell is way too practical for its own good. And Spike was just starting to turn around before us with a stack of scrolls in his arms. Sure enough, he jumped in shock and dropped the whole stack when he found two people beside him who had not been there a second ago. "Gah, warn me when you're gonna pop outta nowhere like that!"

I admittedly got the slightest snicker out of the dragon boy's response to our very untimely arrival while Twilight could only wave her hoof apologetically. "Sorry, sorry! Ooh, are those scrolls blank? I could use one of them right now."

"Uh... Yeah, they are. Help yourself." Spike replied while he gathered up all but one of them. While Twilight took hold of one in her levitation spell along with a spare quill nearby to start writing down something, Spike walked past me with his arms full of scrolls. "Hi, James. A little busy here."

"It's cool, Spike. Carry on." I retorted while still glad to see one of my comic book buddies. After having been away for so long, it felt good to see him again. Although that pleasant distraction did not keep me happy for long. I remained where I was on the floor, just waiting for whatever Twilight had in mind.

Twilight was not busy with that scroll for long. She rolled it up and secured it with a band before looking around for her little assistant. "OK then... Spike, could you send this to Princess Celestia right away?"

"In a minute... OK, sure." The dragon boy replied after neatly sorting a few tomes nearby. He ran over and took the scroll from Twilight before opening a window nearby. With a quick flash of his green flame breath, Spike reduced the scroll to a plume of enchanted smoke that flew out the window and on its way. I only just then realized how long it had been since I last saw him do that. "OK, it's on its way. You think we'll be getting a reply soon?"

"Very soon. When Princess Celestia sends a reply, please bring it to us right away." Twilight explained before Spike went downstairs to leave us be. She then went over to her little kitchen corner to put a kettle of water on to boil. "Let me get some tea brewed for us. I have a chamomile and mint blend I think you'll like."

That definitely sounded like a good choice of tea to soothe the nerves. And being in that familiar cozy tree house for the first time in weeks did soothe my heart for the moment. The scent of that wood felt so nostalgic. Almost to the point of being therapeutic. Although I then heard Twilight say, "I told her about what you tried to do... It felt like she had the right to know."

That admission opened a pit in my stomach that immediately brought my mood down. My beloved Celestia... What would she have done had she been the one to catch me in the act? Although I could not blame my friend for revealing that to the Princess of the Dawn. "I don't blame you... She would have to know eventually."

Although just when Twilight had poured the water into a teapot, we both heard a distant belch somewhere downstairs. That sound was followed by the pattering of little feet running up the stairs. Sure enough, Spike soon came into view with a scroll held high. "You've got mail!"

"Thank you, Spike. I'll just take that and..." Twilight replied with a smile as she levitated the scroll out of our little friend's grasp. But it only took a few seconds of reading the contents for her to realize who it was addressed to. "Oh. James, this is for you."

My eyes widened upon realizing the implications of this. Celestia was most definitely upset with me. And Twilight knew the contents of that scroll were very personal. Someone was there with us who could not possibly understand the gravity of the situation. And so she turned to Spike and said, "Say, Spike... Why don't you take a break for a little while? It's almost lunchtime, right?"

"Oh, right! And I was supposed to meet up with Sweetie Belle for lunch! I'll see you guys later!" Spike replied before rushing down the stairs. And I found myself smirking at the name he mentioned. I suppose Spike really did find himself a girlfriend after all. I can only wonder what they had been up to while we were away.

That momentary levity was immediately shoved aside when Twilight passed that scroll to me. Her eyes were filled with concern even without saying a word. With great reluctance, I resigned myself to my fate and took the scroll in hand. "Here we go..."

The contents of the scrolls read as follows. "My dear sunshine... I should have known it would have come to this. Even at the very beginning, my sisters and I were fearful of the long-term effects of open warfare would have on those who participated in it. We have seen what such horrors do to people during the times where we had observed your world. To that end, we took precautions since the very beginning to remedy this possible outcome. And the results of those precautions is on the verge of being ready for testing. Canterlot's finest medics and psychiatrists have been developing a means to soothe those who are suffering the way you are at this moment. However, since your symptoms have driven you to...take drastic actions, you have been labeled a priority case. In two days, please board the first train to Canterlot past noon. We will have arranged for an escort to be waiting for you at the train station. This new method needs to be tested and we have decided you will be the first patient to use it. Our medical teams are very confident it will be successful and I have no reason to doubt their expertise. Until then... Please, try to endure just a little longer. Your ordeals are nearly over. I will see you very soon, my love. Always yours, Celestia."

This awakened a new glimmer of hope. Of course someone who had been observing Earth in modern times would be all too aware of the effects of war on its people. War is far too needlessly common in my world and there is no shortage of those it breaks. And ancient immortals like the Equestrian royal family would possess a kind of foresight that mortals like me could never hope to have. And when considering the marvels of medical science... We would have to wait and see.

"Is it good news?" Twilight asked once I lowered the scroll in my hands. I looked at her and nodded, but failed to smile while doing so. "Phew, that's good... What did she say?"

I looked at the scroll again and read it over. "It looks like she and her sisters anticipated this outcome from the start. They assigned Canterlot's top medical experts into researching a means of treating these kinds of symptoms pretty much right at the start of the war. And they want me to come on up in two days to be the first to test it on."

Twilight's eyes widened with a look of hope. "They did...? That far in advance? Canterlot is the center of medical magic studies in all of Equestria. If they say they've found a means to treat such disorders... Then you must be in good hooves."

"Let's hope so... There's no real cure for PTSD where I come from. And some people with it can't be saved." I muttered grimly as I thought about this development with very cautious optimism. Twilight dropped the subject there and went about to set up a tray for our tea. But as I thought about that topic, I suddenly raised an eyebrow in realization. How in the world did she even know where I was in the first place? I avoided Ponyville entirely on my way to the park. She could not have possibly seen me on my way there. "Twi... Quick question. How did you even know where I was today?"

My friend rolled her eyes while she displayed a bit of a cheeky smirk. Almost like she was amused I did not come to that realization sooner. She then set down the tea tray between us and said, "Let's just say a little bluebird told me that you looked like you were about to do something stupid... His words, not mine."

Bluebird... A blue...bird... There was only one avian I knew who was coated in blue feathers. "Gallus...? He told you?"

Twilight nodded as she poured us a pair of steamy cups of tea. "He told me he had been keeping an eye on you all week. Watching from the rooftops. I think he could tell there was something wrong with you."

"The boy comes from an ugly background too... I think he has a certain empathy for anyone who's going through a lot of emotional distress. He knows the signs, I guess..." I replied while being immensely grateful that Gabby had found him and brought Gallus to us in order to take him home to Ponyville. Had he not been there... Did I owe that bluebird my life?

"Not sure why he chose to tell me... Maybe because he thought I was the only one in my right mind to do something about it?" Twilight muttered while she shrugged her shoulders. She then added while mixing in some thick cold honey to our tea, "I'm just glad I made it in time."

"Twi... Don't tell anyone about this. Especially Fluttershy. They...don't need to have my problems bringing them down after the mess we just got through." I asked while barely even able to look at her. All Twilight did was nod. If they would ever find out, it would be through these writings after the smoke had cleared. Something we can look back on as a dumb decision during bad times.

We sipped lightly at that hot tea while I also took another blank scroll into hand before taking some time to write something down. I really enjoyed the flavor of that tea. Almost sweet and very soothing. I was not writing for long before I rolled up the scroll and passed it over to Twilight. "Could you please have Spike send this to Celestia when he gets back?"

"Sure. What's it...for..." Twilight replied while she opened it almost instinctively to check the contents. I found myself starting to smirk as she read what little was in there. It was nothing I needed to hide from her. "Oh, James... Yes, I'll make sure she gets this."

She turned it around before rolling it up. I caught a glimpse of what was written in it. "Dear Celestia. I'm sorry for making you worry. Thank you for all you've done for me. I love you. I miss you. I will see you soon. James."

Little was said between us as we savored that lazy early autumn afternoon with sips of hot soothing tea. But once the pot had been emptied, Twilight stood up with a less than happy look on her face. "James... I think I should take you to the hospital after what happened today. Just to spend a night in the psych ward so they can get a proper diagnosis."

"I guess some time away from everything might be something that'll help..." I muttered in contemplation. I knew Twilight was not implying that I was going crazy. I knew how PTSD ruins people. It would be foolish to deny professional help by this point. "OK... Sure, let's go."

I rose to my feet while Twilight began to focus her magic for a teleportation spell. Just for the sake of saving time and keeping me comfortable. But she did not cast the spell immediately. She looked up at me while by my side and said, "I'll tell Fluttershy and the girls you...had an episode and needed some help to clear your head. They'll probably let you out tomorrow."

With yet another flash of light, I found the two of us outdoors again. But we were standing right in front of Ponyville Hospital. It felt...surreal to be seeing it again. I had only been there once before and I did not even remember much of that last visit. Although I had a strong hunch of why I had been there in the first place...

We wasted no time in stepping inside. The lobby was quiet with no one in line while a familiar bubbly and friendly mare sat behind the receptionist counter. I felt no discomfort in front of her. The medics of Ponyville Hospital have always been nothing if not empathetic. She greeted us happily as she said, "Good afternoon, James. Twilight. Do you have an appointment?"

Twilight shook her head while not really sounding sure of how to break the subject to the nurse. "No, not really... This is sort of an unexpected situation..."

The nurse's eyes opened wider while she turned her gaze up at me. She was likely focused on my bandaged head. "Oh my, there haven't been any complications, have there?"

I decided to speak up then. "It's not my head... It's my mind. There's something wrong with my nerves. My...thoughts."

"Oh... Oh dear, I see... You're not the first one to come here for this. Miss Pinkie Pie and Miss Rarity were discharged just this morning." The nurse replied with a very concerned look in her eyes. And I was hardly surprised to know even those two dear friends of mind did not leave the Empty Plains without a few scars on their minds. "You don't have to say anything, I know exactly what you're here for. Just get comfortable I you'll be seen to shortly."

The nurse spoke into an intercom device on her desk while Twilight and I took a seat on a soft padded bench nearby. We said nothing while just basking in the gently lit lobby We did eventually gently lean into each other while Twilight whispered, "Hang in there... We've gotten through worse."

"Yeah..." I mumbled with my hand resting on one side of my waist. The scar there almost seemed to resonate with that place. As if it was trying to dig up memories that were simply not there. Or buried too deep to recall. I did not think too hard on it. Those memories were gone for a reason.

One of the doctors peeked around the corner. A unicorn stallion I remember seeing often around the place during my previous visit. "Mr. James? Right this way."

I stood up from my seat before facing Twilight. We both sighed wistfully before taking hold of each other in an embrace. I heard her whisper, "See you soon."

"Take care, Twi. Tell them I'll be all right." I replied before reluctantly letting go and following the doctor down the hall. I had nothing to say as I was guided through the halls to a section of the hospital I had not seen before. It was not an area designed for housing anyone with physical injuries.

"We seldom get patients experiencing what you're going through. Although it sounds like something's being done up in Canterlot to fix these problems that followed us home." The doctor said while I had nothing to say. He did not inquire too much. He was probably not trained to handle any of my problems. Injuries to the mind require a different approach to the body.

We eventually arrived at a room in the west wing of the hospital. And upon being led inside, I was greeted by an unexpectedly pleasing sight. Instead of being like any ordinary hospital room, this room looked like a small and cozy motel room out in the countryside. It brought to mind a certain timeless aesthetic of motels from half a century ago with the floral pattern wallpaper and soft bed and carpeting. There was a bathroom off to the side just past the door for overnight stays, a pair of nightstands on each side of the bed that held a lamp for each of them, and light blue curtains hanging over the window. It was so humble. So...perfect like a little time capsule tucked away from the rest of the world and all my worries. The doctor behind me explained, "Overnight stays are generally required for a thorough analysis. I trust you will be comfortable here?"

I did not even bring anything with me that I would normally need when staying the night somewhere. Thankfully, I did not believe I would be found lacking in anything. This was not entirely an overnight stay in a hospital. This was going to serve as a break from reality to just rest my mind. I looked back at the doctor, already starting to feel comfortable with my surroundings. "I think this will be just fine. Thank you."

"Good to hear it. Make yourself at home and just relax. We will send one of our psychiatrists along in a few hours once you've had time to adjust." The doctor said before he saw himself out. I proceeded to sprawl myself out on the bed and just gaze at the ceiling and the motionless ceiling fan above me.

While my thoughts were still troubled over the memories that continued to haunt me, I found it increasingly difficult to focus on them in my curtain setting. There was nothing around me that I could connect to the memories. It was as if such interior design was explicitly intended to be as cozy and disconnected from anything that could trigger traumatic episodes. It was a dainty little time capsule of a bygone era that may or may not have ever existed in Equestria. And I was very pleased with the effect it was having on me. This was not the time to think or ponder. This was just a time to relax and do nothing. And I certainly needed a day like that.

I looked around from the bed to see if there was anything I could do to help pass the time. There were a stack of magazines in a wooden stand near the bed, including some about home cooking and maybe just home design and decor in general that really tickled my nostalgia due to reminding me of magazines my grandmother used to collect years ago. I almost expected a phonograph to be present. What I found instead was a humble little cassette player on one of the nightstands. Probably as a means of not being two loud on top of conserving space. Although I did happen to notice there were iron bars just outside the window. No doubt a precaution in case a more deranged patient had a violent episode. I was certainly not violent though, even in my darkest moments. I was only miserable and just wanted to disappear. At least my surroundings were keeping me distracted for the time.

With nothing to do, I turned on the ceiling fan to at least create a bit of circulation in the room. I kept it on the lowest setting since the temperatures were fairly comfortable at the time. The slowly rotating fan blades drew my attention while I rested on the bed. I then popped a cassette into the player to at least break up the near total silence. There was some impressive sound insulation in the walls. I heard next to nothing outside my room. With the cassette player active, I soon heard some lovely classical music that was just perfect for a time of relaxation.

My hands were resting over my torso while I gazed up at nothing in particular. I took the time to just ponder my situation. Think about how I got where I was. And in such a short timeframe despite feeling like it took years to get there. I had already been involved in a number of crises, and yet it was not like fate itself had played a cruel prank on me. Nightmare Moon had only been separated from Luna a couple of years earlier until she had regained enough strength to acquire a physical body. And those 'Elements of Chaos' she created as a safeguard against the Elements of Harmony unwittingly resulted in Discord escaping his stone confines mere months later. An event that cost me around a month of my life that I could not longer remember and probably for good reason. And the emperor... The Forgotten Emperor. His ploy came into affect the moment I entered Equestria. A full year of siphoning my life force into himself before his body would be stable enough to wake up. Three major crises I had been involved with in such a short time. I could not imagine there being anything else that the recent past could influence. I would probably go the rest of my days fairly undisturbed aside from a potential minor conflict now and then. After experiencing the horrors of the battlefield, I welcomed such a notion.

With my surroundings disconnecting me from my most recent bitter memories, I tried to think about the positives. Trying to remind myself of the unquestionable reality of my life in Equestria. I had been brought to Equestria almost entirely on a whim, escaping an uncertain future in the world I once called my home. The very first day in Ponyville, I was beset with the anxiety if being so far from home and the general discomfort of being plunged into such an alien environment. A painfully awkward experience at first that became a beautiful experience once I came to look past my biases and expectations in due time. And I was never alone. I gained six wonderful friends on just that first day. Some became more than that. Some friends became lovers to me. And in time, they even gave me a family. One that will surely grow in time. An experience I never would have found back on Earth.

A single tear flowed from each eye. That beautiful classical music playing nearby was not helping my emotional status. I sighed deeply as I took a moment to comprehend just how fortunate I was. So many friends I had gained in just my first two years in this wonderful world. I helped them as much as they helped me. Circumstances eventually carried me beyond the borders of Ponyville to find more wonderful relationships among people who were not ponies. The beautiful and hospitable hippogriffs of Capricorn Island. A crew of hapless harpies with hearts of gold. The barbaric dragons of Equestria ruled over by a shining example of a wonderful woman with noble goals for her people. This was a world I was proud to be a part of. And I wanted to believe it wanted me to be a part of it.

I lost myself in those thoughts while the music nearby constantly soothed my ears. Although it would not be much longer than an hour before I got a knock at the door. I was snapped out of my stupor and looked at the corner that led past the bathroom and towards the door. It felt earlier than it should have been for my doctor to come by. And why did he not immediately enter?

There was another knock at the door after a moment of silence. Curious, I rose from my bed and went right over to see who it was. And upon opening the door and looking down at my visitor, I was quite surprised to see a blue griffon boy standing before me. "Yo... You taking visitors right now?"

"Hey there, bluebird... Sure, come on in." I retorted softly upon seeing Gallus before me. He glanced around after stepping past me, apparently being pleasantly surprised by my cozy accommodations. "I'll be here until tomorrow. I'm OK here."

"Sure you are." Gallus mumbled before looking back at me. His eyes displayed a clear look of concern. "Nobody gets put in a place like this when they're OK."

I sighed before flopping onto the bed again and assuming a comfortable position. Gallus bounded up beside me while I said, "Twilight told me a little bluebird knew something wasn't right with me lately... How'd you know?"

"You think you're the only one who's got bad thoughts on the brain?" Gallus retorted dryly as he too got comfortable beside me like a large housecat. He then added, "I could tell something was wrong with you. I know what it's like to be in a bad place mentally and you weren't doing a good job of hiding it."

"It takes one to know one, I guess..." I muttered in some shame. I turned my gaze up at the lazily spinning ceiling fan and took a moment to process what the act of Gallus observing me all week meant for me that day. "You...probably saved my life today. Twilight got to me just in time."

Gallus looked at me with his eyes narrowing in what seemed to be a scowl of disappointment. "You tried to do something stupid?"

I could not fully shake those dark memories. Instead of feeling ashamed, I simply replied, "Define stupid."

The griffon boy snorted before rolling his eyes. "OK, wise guy. I guess I should've asked if you tried doing something reckless."

"Yeah... I did. And I wouldn't be here right now if you didn't tell Twilight." I retorted with my eyes closing. "I don't know if I should thank you though... Not yet."

"Fine. Don't thank me yet. You're not all better yet anyway." Gallus huffed with what almost sounded like a suppressed bitter laugh. He then sighed before saying, "But I know what it's like to...want to just end it. I didn't really have anything to live for when I finally ran away. I got away from all that ugly, but I didn't think about what came next. There really wasn't really anything for me to live for out there... And...I wondered if I should just...let go."

This prompted me to open my eyes and look at the griffon boy beside me. He was looking away at nothing in particular. Although he did eventually glance at me and say, "I'm just glad I held out long enough for you to find me. Knowing you'd be coming back for me kept me going. I was really looking forward to what your place would be like. And...well...Ponyville really is as nice as you said. It's a good place to be."

"It is a good place... I just hope I still have a place here..." I muttered while trying to not let those thoughts find a way into my mind. What frightened me was just how hard it was to push them out of my mind when they sprang up.

"Of course you do, man. You're a hero, right? They wouldn't have won that war without you." Gallus replied while patting me on my chest in a friendly manner. Almost as if it was an attempt to pat me on the back.

I could not fully absorb this praise. And so I mentioned a bitter truth. "There wouldn't have been a war in the first place if I was never even here..."

Gallus did not have a response for this. At least not at first. He then began to reach under his wing to pull out something I had overlooked. "Yeah... I read all about it."

He then dropped a newspaper onto my lap. And there it was on the front page. They finally did it. The royal family of Equestria had finally declassified the full history of humanity in the world of Equestria. And it was honestly rather horrifying to see that on the front page of the local newspaper and know that the entire world had just seen a very dark page in Equestria's history revealed to them after being buried for more than a millennium. And I felt myself shudder over realizing what this meant for me. Gallus said quietly, "Go ahead and read it. Lemme know if there's anything you didn't already know."

It was with some hesitation that I did take the newspaper in hand and began to read while propping myself up against the pillows behind me. All the while, Gallus rested himself across my lap with my hand finding its way to his soft feathery head. I lost myself in my reading even while I gently stroked the griffon boy's head. I think he was even inviting me to do so since I noticed Gallus had begun to purr. There was something...therapeutic about him doing that. Just applying his body weight across my lap and letting me stroke his soft head.

The article was very extensive and covered multiple pages, detailing both the golden age and the fall of the human empire. Not a single detail of the human race's fateful choice that day and its resulting aftereffects was spared. And yet everything I read was something I already knew. The only difference between finding out the truth firsthand and being told directly by those who had witnessed the distant past themselves was now the information had been made public to the global population of this world. I spent perhaps a minimum of fifteen minutes skimming the article before I set the paper aside, hand still on my friend's head. "Yeah... There wasn't anything in there I didn't already know."

"Then that means you know we get why it all happened, right?" Gallus replied while barely turning his head to look at me, his purring stopping entirely. "That emperor guy played the whole world for fools. He came outta nowhere when everyone had completely forgotten about him. How do you blame yourself when that guy was playing the long game without anyone even knowing it?"

"I know what you're trying to tell me and I know you're right." I said with my hand still resting upon his head. I turned my gaze up at the ceiling and said, "It's just...there's always a certain guilt by proxy element in these things... I know you didn't see the infirmary out there, but people got hurt. It's just my heart playing tricks on me... And my head."

"That's why you're here, right? They're gonna try to help fix you?" Gallus asked with an understandable ignorance over the subject. He was smarter and savvier than he seemed, but he could never hope to understand the magnitude of the trauma warfare could bring.

I shook my head before saying, "No, they can't... If I really do have PTSD, then that's not the kind of thing that just goes away over time. I think the whole point of this visit is to isolate me into a calm controlled environment and have a discussion with professionals who can pin down what's wrong with me through my symptoms and determine a possible solution."

Gallus lifted his head to look directly at me with an almost alarmed gaze in his eyes. "You...can't be fixed?"

"Not by conventional means, no. But..." I replied before looking in the general direction of Canterlot. One tends to have a pretty good idea what direction it is in after living in Ponyville for a while. "I received word that there's a new special treatment being developed in Canterlot for these symptoms. And I have been assigned an appointment to undergo that treatment in two days. I guess that means I have a reason to hold on no matter how miserable I feel. There might be a light at the end of the tunnel after all."

"Canterlot, huh? The fanciest town around?" Gallus asked, his gaze also turning to the window nearby. "I bet they got a lotta connections up there... You've got friends in high places, right?"

"Not like that, but...I guess. The royal family are responsible for me being here in the first place. They're kind of like a lifeline for me in this world." I explained in brief while having never really thought of my connections to the royal sisters as a big deal or a special privilege. I honestly always felt compelled to avoid approaching them for assistance unless I was out of options. Although as I looked to the window, a new thought came to mind. I looked at the griffon boy across my lap and asked, "Gallus... If you don't mind me asking... Why did you keep an eye on me so much lately? Why'd you tell Twilight about me when you suspected I was about to do something drastic?"

He hesitated. His eyes wandered, he fidgeted slightly, his tail swished about in discomfort. I suspected there was something he wanted to say, but some sort of reservation was holding him back. The feathers on his head fluffing up just a bit, Gallus sighed harshly before looking at me out of the corner of his eye. "Because you were my first real friend."

That...hit me in a way that I did not expect. I tried to withhold my emotions, but they got the better of me. I had to wipe a tear away before holding out a hand to him. And Gallus responded appropriately. He climbed up to me and threw his arms around me in a very firm embrace, his big blue wings also trying to drape themselves over me. I whispered to the griffon boy, "You're a good guy, Gallus... Thank you."

"And you're cool... Really cool. And we cool dudes stick together, right?" I heard him whisper before I think I even heard his voice starting to quiver. He nuzzled his fluffy head up against mine, his quivering voice dissolving into a soothing deep purr once again. I was so grateful that circumstances allowed me to take him home. I never knew I would ever need that bluebird so much.

Gallus soon returned to draping himself across my lap and allowed me to pet his fluffy head. He resumed that gentle purring once again, even when I began to stroke my hand down his entire body. His coat really is a bit fluffier than most griffons and is a delight to caress. I think he was enjoying himself too.

I lost track of time and had to turn over the cassette tape in the player once it clicked to a stop. But once I got the other side playing, there was another knock at the door. Gallus saved me the trouble and hopped down from my bed. "I got it."

He disappeared around the corner to answer the door while I remained where I was. Although I soon heard him call back to me, "Dude? That fancy girl wants to see you."

"Fancy girl...? Uh... OK then?" I muttered while not really having an idea of who it could be. My first thought was Rarity, but Gallus knew her name by then. Who else could be? Gallus soon stepped back into view after I heard the door close. And the guest following after him was someone I had not seen in quite some time. "Oh... Hey."

"Hi... As soon as I heard about you being here, I thought it'd be a good time to say hello." A little filly said with a pair of saddlebags at her sides. Of all people in town, Diamond Tiara had stopped by to pay me a visit. She pushed over the only chair in the room to take a seat at my bedside while setting her saddlebags upon it as well. "What happened for you to be here?"

"War...does things to your head. I needed some time in a safe and comfortable environment to rest my mind, if you need the gist of it." I replied while trying to not worry her too much. Gallus placed himself across my lap again while I then asked, "Haven't seen you in a while. How were things while we were away from home?"

"We were all rooting for you. If it quieter than usual with some of you missing, but Dad stayed busy. He set up some fundraisers to help with the war effort." Diamond Tiara explained while she removed the contents of one of the saddlebags. It appeared to be some mail and nothing else.

"That sounds like him. Your dad's heart was always in the right place when it came to money." I replied while remembering myself having nothing but good experiences when I encountered Filthy Rich. Still such an unfortunate name.

Gallus appeared to recognize something in our words as well. "Oh, wait. Your dad's that rich guy in town, right?"

"Uh huh. Filthy Rich, but he doesn't like being called by his first name." Diamond Tiara replied while almost laughing. And I could see why. She then reached into the other saddlebag and lifted out a welcome sight. A pair of freshly baked blueberry muffins. The light sprinkling of sugar atop them confirmed that they came from Sugarcube Corner. "Your bosses hope you're OK. They really miss having you around."

"I haven't had any of this stuff in too long... Thank you." I muttered as I felt my appetite returning in the presence of some of my younger friends. Although I did pass one to Gallus. "Here you go. One's enough for me."

"Nice. Thanks, dude." Gallus retorted while we both peeled the paper sleeves from our snacks and indulged in them. Gallus munched on his in a very enthusiastic way. He probably had not enjoyed much of Sugarcube Corner's wares up to that point. "Mm, I gotta get this stuff more often."

"Mmhm... Been too long..." I muttered while savoring that gourmet quality. But while we were eating that delightful snack, I noticed that Diamond Tiara was taking the time to look through her mail. Except it was just one envelope. And despite that envelope having the look of something that was sent by a profession or establishment instead of just one person, which was unfitting for a girl of Tiara's age, the filly was scowling at the letter that was being held in her hooves. "You OK there?"

"Not this again..." She grumbled in disdain while trying to not let either of us see the other side. And much to our surprise, she proceeded to tear it up into several pieces.

Gallus snickered a bit when he noticed the rather wide envelope the letter had arrived in. "What's the matter? They just won't stop sending you junk mail?"

Diamond Tiara scowled at the floor and the pieces of paper that now littered it. "No... It's from my mom."

This caught my ear. And it made no sense. "But...Ruby Ring lives at home with you, right? Why would she need to send you anything in the mail when she can just talk to you directly?"

"No, not her..." The filly replied before looking at the two of us in disgust. "My real mom."

Gallus and I glanced at each other in confusion. And then it hit me. "Ruby Ring...is your dad's second wife?"

"I know she looks a lot like me and a lot of ponies in town don't even remember it, but... No. Ruby Ring's just my step mom." Diamond Tiara grumbled before looking at us both. "My real mom is Spoiled Milk."

Something about hearing a name that sounded so inherently unappealing made me and Gallus snicker together. The griffon boy said, "Wow, how'd she get so unlucky to get stuck with a name like that?"

"I have no idea, but...it's way too fitting with how she is." Diamond Tiara grumbled while glaring down at the message the letter had sent her. "She's everything my dad isn't. And I believed everything she said. Ever since the divorce, she's been sending me mail to stay in touch to keep a grip on me."

A part of me was dearly grateful to not having ever met the true mother of the first real thorn in my side when I first came to Equestria. Diamond Tiara looked especially bitter as she glared at the message laid out before her. Gallus then asked, "You got bad folks too, huh?"

This caused Diamond Tiara to look at the griffon boy with a glance of shock. "Huh? No, not Dad. He's great. Really, he's always been a good stallion to Ponyville. And Ruby Ring is... She's always been a good mom to me. Really, I'm happy with my family. It's just..."

Diamond Tiara then glared at the shredded message that had fallen to the floor. "Spoiled Milk would've been better off being called Spoiled Rotten. I really don't know what Dad ever saw in her..."

"She sounds utterly repulsive from how you're putting it. How'd you dad ever get married to such a hag?" I asked with growing curiosity. I could still remember exactly how much trouble this filly gave me during just my first week in Ponyville. I never would have guessed a former parent was the catalyst for it.

The filly sighed before saying, "I dunno... Dad doesn't like to talk about it. He really wants to move on from it."

An important question then popped into my mind. Something I needed to ask. "Does your family know your real mother has been maintaining contact with you?"

"No... I haven't told anypony. She would get in huge trouble if they found out she was violating the restraining order the divorced put on her. I've only been staying quiet about it out of pity lately..." Diamond Tiara muttered before her eyes narrowed in frustration. She glared down at the letter's remains on the floor before saying, "You know what? I'm done with this. Nothing my mom ever taught ever gave me anything that didn't get me in trouble."

Diamond Tiara quickly pulled a blank sheet of paper out of her saddlebag along with a pen and began to write. She was very vigorous about it and did not allow Gallus and I to read the contents. But there was a lot of anger in how her jaws manipulated the movements of that pen. Once the message was ready, she stuffed it back into the bag and said, "This'll be the last time I ever hear from her if she knows what's good for her."

Gallus then cast me a funny look. Like he could see the tension between the two of us. "Did this girl ever give you trouble because of her deadbeat mom?"

"Leeeet's not go there, OK? Please? I know I screwed up!" Diamond Tiara pleased while waving her hooves at us in a desperate plea to not dig up the past. At least then I knew exactly why she turned out the way she did.

"It's not important anymore, Gallus. She's a good girl now." I replied before beckoning him to lean closer to me. I then whispered discreetly to him, "Blackmailed me and forced me to hide out in the Everfree Forest for a few days."

"I heard that!" Diamond Tiara shrieked with her face flushed red in embarrassment. Gallus just howled in laughter while I could only shake my head at the memory. In some ways, I should have been grateful. I met Mitta and Ruby as a result of that venture and even found Nightmare Moon. Things probably would not have turned out how they have today had I not gone out there in the first place. Although I then noticed her glance at the newspaper sitting on the bed beside me. And that red in her face only became more pronounced as she looked at it. "And about that... I came here because... Everything in that article. Is that all true?!"

Even she knew by then. That article in the newspaper was not shy about even my presence in Equestria. It revealed how I got there and who brought me there and why. And all I could do was nod. Diamond Tiara rubbed her hooves over her forehead as she groaned, "Now I feel even dumber over everything that happened... I didn't know!"

"You couldn't have known. That was classified information to begin with." I replied with my hand reaching out and caressing her soft mane. "It's OK though. Good things came out of that experience. And we're both better for it."

"You're too nice... I really shouldn't have gotten off so easy." Diamond Tiara grumbled with some shame in her eyes. But barely five seconds went by before there was a knock at the door again. "More visitors?"

"Excuse me. Mr. James?" An unfamiliar voice spoke as the door opened. And in trotted a bespectacled unicorn stallion with a goatee dangling from his chin. A clipboard floated beside him in his magical grasp. Most definitely the doctor assigned to me. He glanced at Gallus and Diamond Tiara before saying, "I'm sorry, but I must ask you two to leave. My patient and I need some privacy to discuss his symptoms."

"Oh right, sorry. We'll get outta your way." Gallus retorted before he motioned for Diamond Tiara to follow him. She gathered up her stuff and was about to jump down from the chair, but she still waved goodbye to me with a look of concern in her eyes. I doubt she understood much of why I was even there. We did not really get the chance to discuss it.

Once it was just me and the doctor, he took a seat in that chair across from me while looking over his clipboard. "Now then... Sounds to me like you're experiencing a certain number of symptoms here... By any chance, does it involve pervasive negative thoughts and emotions that do not easily subside?"

"That's pretty much exactly what I'm experiencing, doc. I take it you've dealt with a number of patients recently like that?" I asked while not surprised that he was seeing some similarities between me and prior patients.

The conversation that followed would be redundant if I documented every word spoken. I spoke of the memories that will not leave me alone. The unfailing sense of persecution and vulnerability when in the presence of Ponyville's people that would linger even after I sought solitude. And a consistent sense of worthlessness brought on by feeling like an inherent threat to everyone around me. By the end of that session, the doctors response was clear. There was nothing else it could have been beside Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I had suspected that the entire time, but to hear it confirmed by a professional carried an extra layer of dread with it.

I was provided some anxiety medication before he departed, although it was difficult to say if it helped. But barely a minute passed by before Gallus entered the room again. He bounded up onto the bed before draping himself across my lap again. "So... How'd it go?"

"Exactly what I thought it is... Nothing was a surprise." I muttered with my hand stroking his head idly. Although I did notice he was alone. "Diamond Tiara headed home?"

"Yeah, she wanted to get that letter out right away. Is she rich or something?" Gallus asked in return.

"Very rich. Her dad is a retail mogul in town and her mom runs a jewelry store. They're very well off." I replied with my gaze turning to the ceiling once again.

Gallus snickered under his breath while he said, "Dang, I kinda got that feeling from her. How does a rich chick like that give guys like us that much trouble?"

"Easy. I took it upon myself to punish her for messing with a group of kids over something that really wasn't their fault." I replied as I thought back to that day, wondering if I made the right decision. I certainly did not harm Diamond Tiara, but was I too direct? "And she took it...way too personally."

"Yep, sounds like it. She don't seem too bad now though." Gallus purred while allowing me to pet him all I wanted. Although he soon glanced around the room and asked, "Hey, uh... You need anything? Anything to keep you from getting bored here? I've got plenty of free time if you need anything."

"Now that you mention it..." I muttered in contemplation. As timelessly cozy and relaxing the room's aesthetics were designed to be, there admittedly was not much to occupy myself with outside of music and some magazines. A little more stimulation would not be a bad idea. That was when something came to mind. "Yeah, there is something you can bring me. Could you head on over to my place and bring me my DSi? Fluttershy can probably tell you where it is."

"Got it. Except...uh..." Gallus lifted his head to prepare to stand up, but hesitated as he processed that term. "What even is a DSi?"

I cracked a smirk. Literally no one without prior knowledge of its existence would ever guess what it is. "That? It's a portable game console. Light blue, has a clamshell design that folds open, and it has two screens. You'll know it when you see it."

"Oh, it's like those Joyboy things. Sure, I'll go grab it. I'll be right back." Gallus replied before hurrying out of the room. I got comfy and reset the cassette player to start over and was barely left alone for more than fifteen minutes before there was another knock at the door. And sure enough, Gallus came back into while having what looked like a silver pouch of sorts slung over his shoulder. It looked like he found what he was looking for along with the pouch I use to carry the device and its game cards. Although he then said, "Before you say anything, the girls back home are hoping your OK. And...um... I kinda had a problem."

My eyes widened as I feared that Gallus might have gotten careless on the return trip. If he damaged the device, it would be impossible for me to repair it. "Uh oh... You didn't break anything, did you?"

"Huh?! No way, I got it right here!" He retorted before reaching under his wing. I thought he had my DSi tucked in the silver pouch, but it was being held in his folded wing. He tossed it over to me and sure enough, there it was. That light blue plastic device folded closed. I popped it open to examine it and found it to be in exactly the same condition as when I last saw it weeks ago. Gallus then explained, "The thing is... I found two of them and didn't know which was which. So...I brought both."

"Both?" I muttered before he chucked the pouch onto the bed. And it was heavier than it looked. When I lifted the flap, I found a similar device inside it. It sported a clamshell design like the DSi, but did not match its shape perfectly and sported two camera lenses on the upper half instead of one and had a shiny aqua blue finish. I almost forgot I even brought that device with me when I left Earth behind for good. "Oh, you found my 3DS too. That's OK, they're both perfectly functional."

"Hang on there. DSi AND 3DS? What even are these things?" Gallus asked before he bounded up onto the bed again. He then looked at the pouch again and admired the design of a certain character that was emblazoned on the flap. "Oh hey, I didn't notice this before. Cool silver dragon. And are those hands on his wings?"

"Uh... Yeah... I mean you did find what I was looking for here. This one is my DSi. I use it more often because the camera is a bit more reliable than the one on this one..." I replied before flipping the DSi open to reveal the two screens before even powering it on much to Gallus' interest. I then did the same with the 3DS, flipping it open only for the hinges to not be quite as stiff and not allowing the top half to lock in place outside of a few specific angles. "The 3DS here though... It is the successor to the DSi. Much more powerful while sharing some familiar features and is even backwards compatible with the DSi's game cards. Except it...has a few design flaws that really shouldn't have made it into this model."

"If you say so... But why's it called the 3DS anyway? And why's the top screen wider than the bottom?" Gallus asked in confusion while astonished over what was easily the apex of portable gaming hardware on Earth at the time.

"Maybe it'd be best to show you." I muttered while going into the 3DS' system settings to run the default setup options again. I then turned it towards Gallus and made certain his face was centered before it. "OK, now just watch."

I saw his eyes narrow in curiosity. But those eyes began to widen as the demonstration played out before him. "Whoa... Whoooooa, it's like I can reach right into it now. It's like those funky 3D glasses, but without the glasses!"

I had to stop him from trying to physically reach into the screen. No matter how convincing the 3D effects were, the screen was still there. "Hey now, don't try to touch the screen. I know that 3D looks convincing, but the screen didn't disappear. Please refrain from scratching up the screens. I can't fix these things if they get damaged."

"Ooh, right! Sorry." Gallus chirped before securely placing his hands onto the bed again. He then took the 3DS in hand and used his fingers in the same way I do to operate the buttons. He looked around the menu and said, "Man, this is way ahead of anything Equestria has. 3D models? Sounds that don't just beep and boop? Your world rocks when it comes to gaming."

"Yeah, at least in terms of hardware. But the era of 16-bit gaming was arguably the golden age, really... Equestria's gaming scene knows where the real value in gaming is right now." I retorted as someone who had been very integrated with the video gaming scene for most of my life. I sighed wistfully and said, "It seems the more advances in gaming hardware that is made, the more things they lose along the way."

"It's funny you bring that up. I'm seeing stuff in these folders that looks like games I've seen in Equestria. This looks like it's ripping off Super Norico Brothers..." Gallus muttered before I peeked over his shoulder. He had accessed a folder that displayed ten vintage games that would not look out of place on some of the gaming consoles Button Mash has.

"Oh, those? That was a bonus from me qualifying for the Ambassador Program. Twenty free games by the end of the year before I came to Equestria. An amazing deal that was. You can find the other ten in the next folder over." I explained while watching and listening to Gallus starting to sample my portable gaming library on the 3DS. The ten older games were more hit or miss, but he was just enthralled with the other ten that had been released on more modern portable hardware. Fire Emblem, F-Zero, and more to try out. Although he did abruptly close the system after only a few minutes after booting up Metroid Fusion. "OK... That one was getting creepy."

"Yep... Freaked me out the first time I played that one too." I retorted while noticing just how unsettled Gallus looked. I suspect he thought the story was veering towards sci-fi horror tropes. And he would not exactly be wrong. But now that we were roughly on the same page of video gaming, I felt the need to ask. "Come to think of it... Are you a gamer too?"

"Kinda. When my folks were having one of their better days, they'd give me a stack of bits and let me go nuts in the local arcade. I mean yeah, they did it just to get me outta their hair, but those were good times for me." Gallus replied while he took my DSi in hand to see how it compared to the 3DS. He even accessed the music player option to check out the hundred songs I had all but forgotten I had copied onto its internal storage. "These play music too?"

"Does a little bit of everything, really. And if you're a gamer..." I replied before opening my 3DS and popping one of the DSi's game cards into the slot on top. "You wanna play?"

The griffon boy's eyes lit up like I had never seen. Genuine childlike excitement. "We can? How?"

"Yeah. These things? They connect wirelessly. I think Joyboys require a link cable to play together and these things' predecessors did too, but anything with 'DS' in the name can connect wirelessly. And for some games, you only need one game card to play with others." I explained before looking over Gallus' shoulder to instruct him on how to operate the wireless play functions. "Here, lemme show you how to connect..."

After a few minutes, I got Gallus situated and connected to the game that I was currently playing. And it very quickly turned into a good time. What is it about gaming with friends that is just so therapeutic? My mind was completely disconnected from the troubles that had resulted in me being placed in that psych ward. Gallus was also a fast learner and his fingers were just as quick. I gave him pointers on how to play everything we tried, be it cart racing or platforming challenges, and he figured out the rest pretty quickly. I wonder if anyone passed by the door to my room and pondered the plethora of strange noises that really sounded like they should not be happening in there?

By time we took a break from what we were doing and closed the two handhelds, we only then realized how late it was. The sun was already halfway set. Gallus looked at me, eyes wandering for just a moment. "That was...fun. I was really having a good time."

"Same here, dude. It's been a long time since I had someone play with me on stuff I'm more familiar with." I replied while also genuinely feeling happier. It really is better to play with friends.

Gallus then pointed at me while looking just about the happiest I had seen out of him up to that moment. "And you really know how to play. I almost never beat you. We gotta hit the arcade sometime. And...didn't you say you have a gaming buddy in town already? What was his name...?"

"You mean Button Mash? Yeah, he's a kid in town who's about as much into gaming as I've been most of my life. Younger than you, but he's a keeper." I replied while Gallus nodded with a smile on his beak. Thinking back to my little friend and occasional foalsitting client, I leaned forward and spoke with a bit of a smirk on my lips. "He's kinda my protégé. He thinks I'm cool because I'm an old pro at stuff like this. Years of hand-eye coordination sharpened to a razor edge."

"Then you're basically Ponyville's gaming guru, right?" Gallus asked while looking thoroughly entertained now that we were discussing a topic we were both intimately familiar with.

As flattering as that statement was, I knew that was not quite true. "No, not really... That would be Button's mom. I think he got his gaming streak from her. And she's been around long than me. I'm good at this stuff, but I'm sure she's better."

"Oh, her? Yeah, I've seen her. And Button Mash's the kid with the propeller hat, right?" Gallus replied before he leaned closer with a hand over the side of his face that was facing the direction of the door. As if he was trying to muffle his voice in that direction. His eyes narrowed as he said, "Just between you and me? She's hot."

"I know. I think everyone knows, really." I replied nonchalantly while Gallus just laughed. Our conversation then dissolved into basically a bunch of guy talk. Something I very seldom get to engage in during my time in Ponyville. Although with the sun dipping even lower in the sky, I suddenly was reminded that visiting hours in the hospital would likely end very soon and I did not want Gallus to have to be requested to leave. "Hey, uh... Gallus? Not to be a buzzkill, but shouldn't you be heading home soon?"

He abruptly looked towards the window. The sky was turning a warm orange hue, but the sun had nearly disappeared over the horizon. He then glanced at me and asked, "Wow... We really lost track of time, huh?"

"Yep. A good gaming session will do that." I replied while reaching out and gently applying some scritches to his head. "I really enjoyed myself."

Gallus then surprised me by moving forward and grabbing me in a soft fluffy hug. Something I doubt he would do if there was anyone else in the room. He said softly beside my ear, "It's been a long time since I had that much fun."

I gently patted the feathery feline on his back. Although I did sneak in a few long strokes of my hand to savor the pleasant sensation of his plush coat. "You gonna be OK going home? Sweet Apple Acres, right?"

"Yeah, I'm still bunking there. They give some spending money when I help out with the harvest. Although I think they're just about done for the year." Gallus replied while pushing himself back and away from me. "Plenty of napping spots in those trees too. I can snooze where I want and no one will find me out in those orchards."

"You birds and your high napping spots." I snickered under my breath while Gallus hopped down from my bed. But as he looked back at me from right by the corner that led to the door, I waved at my new friend. "Gallus... You really did a lot for me today. Thanks for being a good friend."

That smile on his beak... He looked really proud of himself. I think because he knew he helped someone in need. Someone he was close to. And we both got something good out of it. He gave me a thumbs up display while he said, "Anytime, man. I'll see ya on the flip side. Hang in there."

And with that, he was gone. And it was not much later before dinner was brought by. It just such a shame that hospital food always prioritizes nutrition over flavor. Everything on that tray aside from the drink was universally bland. I wonder if its a deliberate choice to make the act of getting out of the hospital and tasting some real cooking all the more satisfying...

My last hours were spent in calm silence with only the glow of a single lamp illuminating the room. I sat in bed with a towel around my waist after having a hot shower and tried to ease myself enough to sleep more effectively. I played a few more low intensity games on my handhelds, I listened to a bit of music on lower volumes, and I even browsed the expansive photo library I had amassed on my DSi. The photo taken of Fluttershy and I while surrounded by rabbits awoke a powerful sense of longing in me. Back when things were simpler in Ponyville. Where my world was much smaller. A blessing and curse. I had gained so much since that day. Met wonderful new friends and precious new lovers as my family has grown. And also experienced new horrors along the way that no one could have predicted...

That was enough for me. With all those electronics set aside, I turned on one last little device in the corner. An ambient sound generator. No doubt put there to help soothe patients with relaxing ambient noise. And I quickly found my favorite. The sound of rain. The pattering of falling rain serenaded by the distant rumble of lightning filled the room. And once I was tucked in bed, I was out in mere minutes.

I did not dream alone that night. Someone was waiting for me. And I knew this the moment I became a little too aware. Surrounded by an ocean of mist, I soon saw someone stepping towards me. A mare of blackest midnight and mane of billowing blue lined with stars. Our eyes met, but no words were spoken. I briskly stepped forward into a winged embrace as the Princess of Dreams greeted me. "I have heard...dreadful things. Tell me truthfully... Did you...truly...attempt to do the unspeakable?"

"Please don't make me answer that..." I muttered with fresh tears flowing free. It was the first time I had seen my beloved Nightmare Moon since I had departed for home. And much like myself, the dream realm did not project the true state of her body in the realm of reality. She was whole and healed without the slightest sign of injury. In her presence, I felt safe. I had always felt secure in her presence.

"Very well... I suppose it will not matter in a couple of days. Whatever it is that is plaguing you, a solution will soon be available. But even here, I can sense it..." Nightmare Moon whispered while I felt her head tilting back and forth to gaze about. "I came as swiftly as I could. I can sense...shadows looming. Unnatural, but not from an outside source. I have delved into the dreams of many who came home from the battlefield and far too many have been haunted these shadows, even in the sweet embrace of slumber. You are not the only one who is suffering, my dear."

"I'm not surprised... They never should've been exposed to warfare. These kinds of scars should've been expected." I muttered as I could feel Nightmare Moon very forcefully exerting her influence over my dreaming mind. Keeping the lingering trauma from encroaching too hard onto my thoughts. I had been plagued with nightmares too many times and I was deeply grateful to allow myself to dream peacefully. "Thank you for being here... I didn't realize how much I needed this."

"Rest assured, I will watch over you tonight. I will the shadows away. Although... Where is she?" Nightmare Moon whispered before she began to look around. I too loosened my grasp on her to scan the misty and starry horizons around us. The Princess of Dreams then muttered, "Where is that little wyrm... Of all nights, I would believe now would be the time for her to appear. You need companionship while I work to keep your dreams stable, but... Why can I not reach her?"

Wyrm... There was only one name that came to mind. "Cynder... She's still out there, right? Isn't she?"

"That much... I can still feel her. She is out there. Somewhere... Drifting amongst the mist... But she does not heed me. She refuses my call. I cannot pinpoint her location. Is she...in hiding?" Nightmare Moon mused in genuine confusion. For a dream entity to refuse the call of the Princess of Dreams... I decided it was best to not mention how Cynder and I parted ways last time. I too have questions with no answers regarding that night...

Nightmare Moon then gazed at me with those beautiful exotic eyes. "No matter... I am here to insure that you dream in peace tonight. I will not be able to be by your side during that time, but you will have happy dreams. I promise you that much, my love."

"Thank you... Really, anything to keep those memories away..." I muttered before she and I shared a brief kiss. It did wonders for my heart to see that the Princess of Dreams was most likely recovering well. And I would surely see her in a matter of days. "I'll see you soon, right?"

"Of course, my dear. But for now... Sleep. And dream. Rest. In only a matter of days, you will be well." Nightmare Moon whispered as my mind began to grow foggy. My lucidity faded. And what came next was... It is vague, but I remember wandering through colorful locales. Alone, but happy. The joy of exploration and discovery. I think I was walking along a forest path and even passed by the seaside. But in too little time, I eventually awoke. And I found myself undisturbed in the same cozy room I had been assigned.

I took a morning shower and was soon served a healthy yet bland breakfast. It was at around noon that I was to be discharged after having been given another dose of anxiety medication. The doctors wanted to prescribe me some, but I insisted that would likely be unnecessary before citing my appointment in Canterlot tomorrow. At least I certainly hope that appointment will be exactly what I need.

After gathering up my belongings, I headed down to the lobby and found none other than Twilight Sparkle waiting for me. It turned out that she had enough foresight to check when I would be discharged and was waiting to use the teleportation spell to transport me across Ponyville so I would not have to aggravate my trauma by going through town. She left me at the front door of Fluttershy's cottage before heading off for home. And... Well, I know that everyone under my roof knows something is wrong. But they are equally afraid to ask questions. I had to wonder what Twilight told them...

I have been staying indoors all day. Trying to savor some rest in this little sanctuary. But I still cannot bring myself to hold Gladesong... She is the only thing under this roof who digs up bad memories. It is not her fault, I know. And I know she misses me holding her. What irony, having gone weeks without seeing each other and now having something beyond my control driving a wedge between me and my own child...

Smolder and Ocellus have been near me all day. And when they are not, they are tending to Gladesong so Fluttershy can spend time with me undisturbed. I think she resents that she cannot emphasize with whatever trauma is afflicting me and our closest friends. Although I do keep reassuring them that I do have an appointment tomorrow that just might fix everything. We can only wait and see.

Today has been largely stable for me. And right now I just want to relax... To be held by my loved ones. Just a little longer... A little more and maybe... Just maybe, someone can fix me. Tomorrow will hold the answers. Until then, I can only bide my time and hope.