Murder Time, Fun Time
Chapter 55: Recruitment Drive
Previous Chapter Next Chapter“I did try to warn you about how dangerous I am,” Pinkamena said while Octavia was mentally calming herself to keep herself from losing her lunch.
The musical assassin spent several minutes regaining her composure while Pinkamena and Vinyl stared at her. The madmare turned to the DJ and raised an eyebrow, “How come you aren’t reacting like her?”
Vinyl looked at Pinkamena for a moment then shrugged.
After a few minutes of restoring her mental fortifications and some breathing exercises, Octavia finally regained her composure. “My apologies, usually I am more desensitized to such acts but I suppose retirement has a way of making one become soft.”
“Huh?” Pinkamena questioned. “I would have thought you would be appalled by what I just did to Loren.”
Octavia merely chuckled softly, “I am not as innocent as you might believe, Pinkamena Diane Pie. I have seen a lot of atrocious things during my career as one of Princess Celestia’s secret agents. You are not as knowledgeable of the world as you think you are. You never even knew that two agents have taken residence in Ponyville...well, one active and one forcibly retired. This is not the first time I have seen somepony killed by chocolate then eaten. One of my assignments was to apprehend a villain calling themselves the Candy Mare who performed a number of candy related slayings. I simply need more time to return to my old mentality.”
Pinkamena narrowed her eyes at the ex agent, “So we’re not gonna have any issues on morality or you questioning how I do things?”
“You have your own style while I have mine. I am no longer an agent so I have no authority to stop you.” Octavia smirked. “Though I might steal your kills on a whim.”
Pinkamena snorted which quickly turned to a burst of laughter before Vinyl and Octavia joined in. Gilda and Treehugger, who had been overhearing the conversation joined in the laughter as well.
Once their fits of laughter ended, the five Equestrians returned to the hideout.
The human Saints were relieved when Oleg finally put some clothes on while the Equestrian Saints couldn’t care less because of their own culture. The large man wore a purple turtleneck with a light purple Saints logo on it, a light gray jacket and light brown pants.
“So what do you think, Oleg? Will the Syndicate still stand now that Loren is dead?” Playa asked.
“Maybe, maybe not. I take it you know about the other leaders of the Syndicate: The DeWynters, Miller and Killbane? They might be able to keep the organization together in Loren’s passing so if we wish to end the Syndicate once and for all, those four need to be dealt with.”
“Any suggestions on where to start?”
“No, but I know of a few who might be able to help; others who hate the Syndicate as much as you do. I will take you to them.”
“I just remembered something!” Pinkie said suddenly before taking over her body, the change briefly confused Oleg before Playa assured him that that was normal for her.
Pinkie pulled out what looked like a sort of detonator from her mane. “Since we’re moving here, I need to get rid of our old room in Stilwater. Can’t have people stealing my secrets.”
“PINKIE! NO!” Pinkamena screamed.
*press*
“You idiot! That bomb was on a faultline!”
“Oh, Woopsie...”
For those times that Pinkie set up her room in new places that were not Sugarcube Corner, she also set up a bomb in her room to be detonated whenever she moved away.
To ensure that prying eyes would not steal her party secrets, she set things up so that every file and all of her decorations would be destroyed as she set herself up in a new home.
The explosion that was triggered from the distant detonator did its work but the shockwave from the blast also triggered a chain reaction against the faultline that was responsible for an earthquake that sank much of Stilwater decades ago.
The shock triggered another powerful earthquake that shook the entire city. The worst part happened when thirty percent of the city broke from the landmass and sank into the sea.
Carlos, Lin and Donnie looked on at the devastation that occurred while also thankful that none of them lived in the sections that sank into the depths.
The same blast also caused a bridge that was dedicated to the late Alderman Richard Hughes to collapse.
Monica Hughes, who rose through the political ranks from Mayor of Stilwater to a United States Senator, called for an investigation into the quake. All the investigators knew was that a bomb was triggered on the faultline. Monica could only guess that the Saints had something to do with the bomb and decided that it was time for an emergency session on Capitol Hill.
“That better not come back to bite us or I will find some way to get our sisters together and give you such an earful,” Pinkamena scolded.
The Saints turned on the news and saw the headline about what just happened in Stilwater. They turned and glared at Pinkie before her ears drooped and she retreated, leaving Pinkamena back in control of the body again.
“What happened?” Playa asked.
“I’ll explain later,” Pinkamena said. “About those people...”
According to Oleg, the first one they should find was an ex FBI agent named Kinzie Kensington. From what he knew, she was being held on a barge by the Deckers.
Playa, Pierce, Shaundi, Johnny and the Equestrians met at a dock near where the barge’s last known location was. The boat was a tight fit for the eight non-winged people but Octavia has worked in worse conditions. During the boat’s short trip to the barge, she sniped several Deckers riding jet skis before shooting those who forgot they could use the shipping containers on the barge as cover.
The moment the boat made contact with the barge was the moment Pinkamena charged in and started painting the barge red in Decker blood with her Vorpal Blade.
“What the hell these guys wearin’?” Pierce asked.
“Neo-cyber punk, these guys are way behind the times,” Playa commented.
“Hey, we never had this trend in Equestria before. These guys look cool so don’t ruin this for me,” Vinyl complained.
“Vinyl, if I catch you wearing that, we are sleeping in separate bedrooms until you get over the fad,” Octavia warned.
Vinyl mock pouted, “You’re just jealous that I could rock the style better than anypony.”
“See what you started, Pierce?” Shaundi complained.
“I didn’t start nothin’.”
“Since when did everyone become so easygoin’?” Johnny wondered.
The Deckers were cleared from the barge within a minute. It didn’t take long to locate Kinzie on the ship’s bridge.
Pinkamena was the first to enter but the moment she did, her Pinkie Sense went off and she quickly reacted by moving her Vorpal Blade in the direction her senses were telling her. Her counterattack stopped the moment she noticed that she was looking at another pony.
This pony was a unicorn with a yellowish gray coat with a red mane and purple stripes tied up and wore a sweater and taped glasses.
Pinkamena noticed that her horn was glowing and a nearby pipe was floating next to her. The mare looked very scared, that the slightest disturbance in the atmosphere would cause her to lash out.
“Hey Mena, did you find Kinz-OOOOOOOOGH...” Playa chose the worst time to barge into the room as the mare in front of Pinkamena yelped and launched her pipe at the doorway…
...and impacted against Playa’s groin.
While Playa collapsed on the floor and curled up for a moment, Pinkamena couldn’t help but laugh helplessly at the situation.
“Hey Mena, you in there?” Johnny called from outside.
“I’m here. Don’t come in here until I’ve defused the situation,” Pinkamena called out.
“What happened to him?” he asked, looking at Playa.
“The reason I need you to wait out there.” Pinkamena then turned her attention to the unicorn. Of all the ponies she met in this world so far, this was one she didn’t recognize which meant that she never visited Ponyville in her life.
Her attention was split between the new pony and the red-haired human with the jacket that said FBI. Pinkamena quickly figured that the other person was Kinzie, given the info.
Kinzie looked impassive: conflicted whether she should be afraid of the pony who looked like a killer, or overjoyed that someone came to rescue her. There was another emotion warring with the other two, one she hid well and one she would never show to another human being and she didn’t want the nearby people to know about it.
Pinkamena finally spoke, addressing Kinzie first, “Okay, I know you’re Kinzie,” she then turned to the other pony, “...but I have no idea who you are.”
The mare frowned deeply, “Tch. Of course she wouldn’t mention her old school friends. You are one of Twilight’s friends, right?” She made the venom in her voice toward one of Pinkie’s friends as obvious as possible. She sighed, trying to calm herself down. “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be lashing out at ponies who have nothing to do with my problems with her. It’s been years yet the wound still feels fresh in my mind. I’m Moondancer.”
Pinkamena stared at Moondancer for a moment before she spoke, “First, let’s get some facts straight. I’m not Twilight’s friend. You may be referring to Pinkie Pie. She and I share the same body but our minds are still independent of one another. Also, you’re not the only pony with issues. I’ve got issues and so does every Celestia damned pony who ended up in this Celestia forsaken world. I don’t give a damn about your problems with Twilight and I don’t give a damn about what you do after we get Kinzie off this boat. You’re free to come along if you want, but I’m not gonna lie, this city will break you if you aren’t willing to do whatever it takes to survive, even if you have to murder and steal. Whatever you choose to do from now on is all on you.”
Moondancer was taken aback by Pinkamena’s honesty. While her screaming social anxiety and the rumors she heard about her back in Equestria told her to stay far away from her, she was also intrigued with the mare. Unlike her other schoolmates who kept butting into her life and tried to get her to leave her house and forget about Twilight, the mare in front of her didn't display a single ounce of pity and seemed willing to let her choose how she would proceed. Given that her options were to either face the dangers of the city or stay on a boat that likely had no supplies for her to use, there really was only one option.
“I’ll go with you,” Moondancer said with as much certainty as she could muster.
“Are you finished in there? We don’t have all night,” Shaundi called.
“We’re okay now,” Pinkamena responded. She turned to Kinzie again, “We’re looking for two others who might help us with the Syndicate. You know where they are?”
“Well, the DeWynters are keeping Zimos at Safeword.”
“Safeword?”
“It’s a BDSM club that caters to various acts of perversion. The name comes from wh-”
“Thanks for the explanation. Now can you put the location on my GPS so we can get there before sunrise?”
“Mine’s ‘Tea Cup’” Kinzie mumbled as she programmed the coordinates. “The other one will take some time to locate. I’ll call when I have a location.”
“I’ll get these two outta here,” Shaundi said. “Have fun at the gimp show.”
Playa finally managed to get up after his painful experience and the group returned to the speedboat. Shaundi, Kinzie and Moondancer split from the group while the others headed to New Colvin where the BDSM club was located.
After killing the few Morningstar guarding the club and interrogating the masochistic guests, some of which made Pinkamena feel tempted to torture, the Saints located Zimos hitched to a pony cart. With more Morningstar on the way, there was no time to free the pimp dressed like a gimp so Playa and Pierce entered the seat of the pony cart and had Zimos carry them away.
Pinkamena noticed several Morningstar entering other pony carts to start one of the most ridiculous chases she had ever seen. She really did not want to see that so she pulled out her pistol and shot the gimps pulling the carts.
The weirdest thing happened when she shot the gimps, the whole cart exploded. “What the Tartarus am I looking at?” Pinkamena asked Pinkie, grasping for any kind of explanation for the illogical thing that just happened.
“Well duh Mena, they’re vehicles. Vehicles explode when you shoot them up. You’ve done this many times before, remember?”
“So basically, chalk it up to Pinkie logic and just accept that exploding pony carts are a thing.”
“Yupperoonie.”
The rest of the Saints caught up with Playa, Pierce and Zimos, the former two feeling like a thousand showers will never help them feel clean after what they just saw. Zimos took the ball gag out of his mouth as Playa addressed him, “Sorry about making you, ya know...pull us around.”
“This is a rescue, right?” Zimos asked. “This ain’t some elaborate set up for a gang bang?”
“Why you gotta put that image in my head, bro?” Pierce complained.
“Cool, autotune voice. I gotta get me something like that,” Vinyl commented. Octavia rolled her eyes in response.
Zimos continued, “I’ll go with rescue then. I’d shake your hand, but these floors are a little sticky if you know what I’m sayin’.”
“I’m good. Find a moist towelette or somethin’,” Playa responded.
Kinzie called Playa to inform him of the last person to find.
“His name’s Angel De LaMuerte, he was Killbane’s tag team partner until he went crazy.”
“Which one went crazy?”
“I should probably look into that. The point is: Angel hates Killbane more than you do...he should be willing to help.”
“That’s good. Where is he?”
“That’s the tricky part...the Luchadores are attacking him at the gym in Bridgeport on Carver Island, you should probably hurry there before he gets killed.”
“You really need to work on your priorities.”
“It’s on my to do list,” Kinzie countered. “I’d suggest letting Pinkie drive you there so you can arrive in time before Angel gets killed.”
“How do you know about my-”
“Less talking on the phone, more pony who is a far better driver than you driving you there.” Kinzie ended the call, leaving Playa to just accept what she said and let Pinkie drive. However, by the time the call ended, Pinkamena and the other ponies and griffon were long gone.
Playa called Kinzie again to tell her that the ponies left without him.
“Maybe if you hadn’t spent so much time on the phone you would be riding with her,” Kinzie commented.
After a long drive to the other end of Steelport, the Equestrians arrived at the gym to find a large number of Luchadores outside. Wasting no time, the group left the vehicle and entered the fray. Pinkamena used her Vorpal blade to slice up any nearby Luchadores while Octavia delivered headshots to the distant targets. Treehugger set fire to Luchadores who grouped together while Gilda blew up Luchador vehicles with her RPG from above, the explosions decimating the Luchadores near them. Vinyl hid nearby and used a reaper drone to unleash death from above while making sure to avoid hitting her friends.
The brute who accompanied them was quickly decapitated by Pinkamena.
Oleg arrived shortly after the brute’s death. “I’m not too late to the party, am I?” he asked. “Where are the other Saints?”
“They’ll be here eventually. Let’s get inside and meet this Angel De LaMuerte,” Pinkamena said.
The group entered the building and saw Angel practicing his moves on a training dummy. He quickly took notice of the group but focused his gaze on Oleg, “You’re not one of Loren’s brutes.”
“And you are not one of Killbane’s Luchadores…” Oleg countered.
Just as Oleg said that, many Luchadores entered the gym.
While Oleg wanted to deal with the brute among them, Pinkamena had Oleg focus on the others while she dealt with his clone.
Pinkamena charged the brute and slammed her hoof into his groin to stun him before she jumped up and punched him hard in the right kidney, sending him flying into a group of Luchadores. The madmare took advantage of their stunned state to move in and slice them up with her Vorpal Blade.
A brute with a mini-gun was seen above on the second floor but Gilda moved in and cut the weapon in half with her nanite claws then proceeded to dismember the brute.
Brutes with flamethrowers moved in to burn the place down but Treehugger was ready with some grenades that she planted on their tanks. The blasts destroyed the tanks and the brutes with them.
One of the brutes got lucky and managed to hose Treehugger down with flames before his tank exploded. Everyone looked with worry about their friend when to their surprise, they found that she was fine.
For a few moments, the Equestrians noticed red, glowing stripes on the stoner pony. The stripes were in a configuration not unlike that of a zebra. There were also a number of runes glowing on their friend as the area around her was smoldering.
The runes and stripes eventually faded and Treehugger returned to normal.
Once the moment passed, the group finished off the Luchador raiding party. Pinkamena would address the issue with Treehugger later but had her suspicions about how she was like that.
Later, Playa addressed the Saints with his usual speech, that was somewhat ripped from Julius, while introducing the new lieutenants.
Pinkamena noticed Moondancer hanging out in a corner of the room away from everyone. She made a mental note to help the nerdy pony to overcome her anxiety. She knew there was a lot of potential in the mare and she would find a way to bring it out.
For now, she would focus her attention on the Syndicate.