I was lost. I was cold. I was hungry. Worst than that, I was lost in the middle of the Everfree Forest. How did I find myself in this fine predicament? Two words: Cutiemark Crusaders. I had been roped into helping out with their latest harebrain scheme and had ended up the victim of a teleportation accident.

Now, usually the cold wouldn’t be such a big deal. I could just heat up my chi and warm myself. Unfortunately, that took a lot of energy. That meant a lot of food. That wound back around to me being hungry. I judged that conserving energy was more important and I could live with a little bit of cold. Especially once I started to move around to make a camp and scavenge for food.

Thank you Boy Scout wilderness survival training. I hated it as a kid, but it was saving my bacon now. First I needed to secure a source of water. Fortunately various rivers and streams crisscrossed the Everfree, so it didn’t take much effort to find one. Conventional wisdom holds that fast moving water is safe to drink. Conventional wisdom is wrong. It’s certainly safer to drink fast moving water than it is stagnant water, but it still has its risks.

I had no intention of risking an infection from bad water. While I think I could have made something to boil water in, I thankfully had a metal water bottle on me that I could use to boil water instead once I got a fire going. Carrying it around was a habit I was thankful I had gotten into as a repairman and martial artist and it had come in handy once again. Hydration is important!

With water secured, I needed shelter and food. Popping my head above the canopy couldn’t hurt either. If I was lucky, I could see Ponyville from where I was and some dexterous tree jumping would see me home sooner rather than later.

I scurried up a nearby tree and upon breaking the canopy, looked in all directions. Of course, I shouldn’t be so lucky as to be able to see anything familiar. I couldn’t even see Mt. Canterhorn, the mountain upon which Canterlot rests. I must be really deep in the forest then.

I dropped back down to the forest floor and started looking for shelter and food. The shelter was easy enough. I was strong enough even in my female form to tear down larger tree limbs and build myself a little shelter using vines as rope and larger leaves as cover. Thank you Survivorman.

Shelter and water taken care of, I needed food. Quite badly if the growling of my stomach was anything to go by. Given I wasn’t an expert on edible plants by any stretch of the imagination and plants in the Everfree even less so, I wasn’t really of a mind to risk eating and of the plants, fruits, or mushrooms I came across. The chances of them being poisonous were too high for my liking.

That left me with hunting or fishing. Fortunately the same river I was drawing water from also had some fish in it, so for the moment all my basic needs were taken care of. Now all I had to do was wait.

One of the perks of having Luna as a girlfriend was her access to the dream realm. All I had to do was wait for someone to notice I was missing, go to sleep, and she’d get in contact. Hopefully the CMC actually told someone what happened and didn’t try and cover it up. Wait, that wouldn’t matter. Luna’s guards who watch everything we do would’ve seen what happened.

I don’t know whether to be happy or worried that I completely forget they exist half the time. But if they could trace the teleport to me, then I’d lean towards happy.

So secure in that knowledge, I sat down to start a fire so I could cook my fish. I wondered how long it would take for someone to find me. I’d have to ask Twilight or someone about magical tracking methods when I got back. I didn’t anticipate such a thing happening to me again, but if it happened once it could happen again. Or I could get lost in a completely unrelated incident, knowing my luck.

The hours passed in dull tedium, I was doing some light exercise while keeping the fire going. I didn’t want to expend too much of my energy just in case one of the monsters of the Everfree showed up.

Speak of the devil; I heard a roar that was uncomfortably close. The question now was do I hope it passes me by? Do I go and confront it away from my camp? Or do I let it come to me and hope I can use the fire here to fend off whatever it was? I was paralyzed by indecision. It would be a lot easier to decide if I knew what had made that roar, but I was very reluctant to leave my camp.

It seemed my choice was made for me as I heard thunderous, plodding steps drawing closer. It didn’t sound big enough to be a hydra, which was good, but that still left Manticore, Chimera, and a whole host of other nasty Greek mythology inspired monsters. Best case scenario it was the Manticore Fluttershy helped during the Nightmare Moon incident.

Of course, no such luck. The monster that came stalking out of the gloom was a lesser known, but no less dangerous beast I recognized as a Catoblepas. A hulking buffalo-like monstrosity with toxic breath and huge horns and, depending on the exact myth, looks so ugly it could kill.

As I hadn’t instantly been struck dead by gazing upon it, I supposed this particular version didn’t carry that curse. I was grateful for that much at least. It locked its single cyclopean eye on me and let out another bellow and I could see toxic fumes escaping from its putrid mouth. I had two options, run or fight.

I didn’t know how toxic this thing’s breath was, given basilisks in this world turned you to stone instead of instantly killing you. But I wasn’t eager to find out firsthand. There was also the distinct possibility this thing had other tricks up its sleeves. Running was probably the wiser of the choices.

That said, running meant potentially become more lost and not being able to find my way back to camp. As the Catoblepas pawed the ground, looking to get ready to charge, my mind snapped to a third option. I looked around for the sturdiest looking tree and bolted up it.

The Catoblepas responded to my movement and charged, but I was more than fast enough to get far enough up the tree to avoid being gored by its massive horns. The tree shock with the impact of the beast, but didn’t fall. The monster beat its head against the tree several more times before glaring balefully up at me. It roared in frustration. I got the impression it wasn’t going to let me come down any time soon.

Every so often it would try and bash the tree again, but to no avail. It was sure as hell annoying though when I was trying to get to sleep some hours later.

“Go to sleep you dumb cow!” I shouted at it and got a roar in return.

Eventually the cow did go to sleep and so did I. It wasn’t long before my favorite moon princess appeared.

“Ranma!” Luna cried and hugged me, “Are you OK? You’re not hurt?” She asked worriedly.

“I’m…not hurt. I landed somewhere deep in the Everfree and I’m currently treed by a Catoblepas,” I told her.

“WHAT?!” Luna shouted, “Are you sure?!”

“I’ve been staring at its ugly mug for the past several hours while it tried to knock me out of the tree I’m in, so I’m fairly certain,” I said dryly.

“Alright, alright,” Luna said rubbing her hand over her face, “How safe are you?”

“I don’t think the Catoblepas can knock down the tree I’m in, so fairly safe,” I answered.

“OK. Stay put. I can use your position here in the dream realm to track you in the waking world. We’ll take care of the beast and you’ll be home before sunrise,” Luna promised

“Will do,” I saluted. Luna gave me a quick peck on the lips and vanished, presumably to the waking world to gather people for my rescue. I was shaken out of the dream world myself by the cow deciding it wanted to head butt the tree some more. That’s when I noticed a problem. The thing’s breath was slowly corroding the tree trunk.

I could start jumping from tree to tree, but none of the trees were quite as sturdy looking at the one I was currently on. Hopefully Luna got here before that became a concern.

The minutes ticked by and the tree started creaking ominously. I started scanning for the next best tree to inhabit. Then a flash of teleportation! Luna, a couple of her guards, Rainbow, and Fluttershy appeared. All things considered, I shouldn’t have been surprised by what happened next.

Fluttershy zeroed in on the Catoblepas, which had turned around upon seeing the flash of light, marched up to it, grabbed it by the horns, and activated The Stare.

“No one. Attacks. My. BOYFRIEND!” She roared. Thanks to the power of The Stare the cow was, well, cowed, “Leave!” Fluttershy commanded and the Catoblepas was all too happy to scurry back into the gloom of the Everfree Forest.

This happened just in time too, as the tree I was in finally gave up the ghost and I jumped clear as it fell over.

“We arrived just in time it seems,” Luna commented, utterly nonplussed by Fluttershy’s handling of the monster.

“Daaaamn, Flutters,” Rainbow said, causing Fluttershy to blush.

“I just wanted to help,” She said demurely.

“I’d say you did that very well,” I said and pecked her cheek, causing her to blush even more, “Now then, I’d very much like to end this misadventure with a hot shower and my bed.”

“I think that can be arranged,” Luna said teleported us all back to Ponyville.

Well this one got away from me a bit.