A Matter of Matching Mares

by TheDriderPony

First published 7th of August, 2020

Ember has pony friends, she totally does! Just... don't ask what their names are.

What's the deal with ponies? Squint just a little and you can't tell one from the next.
Ember doesn't even need to squint to get the effect.
Who would have guessed that a Dragonlord would have problems that needed more than just an application of violence?

Three-card Pony

"Viper," I hissed as I stomped past the mare on my way off the rain. I doubt she picked up on the curse, much less understood it, but it made me feel better all the same. A three hour train ride journey's worth of stink-eye deserved that much at the very least. If she was a dragon I'd have thrown her across the train. Maybe break a few rocks over her head to make sure the message stuck.

But she wasn't, so I wouldn't. A Dragonlord was supposed to be better than that. Weird how being proclaimed the strongest of dragons meant I had to fight less now. Weird and annoying.

And it's not like I'd even done anything to deserve the glare anyway; I'd followed every pony social trick I knew. I bought a ticket—with my own actual money. When that pony in a jacket asked it, I gave it to him instead challenging him to a fight. I didn't tear out the cushions to get to the comfortable metal underneath or breathe so much as a wisp of flame. Not even to clean out the air! No way I'd been anything less than a perfect passenger. I even limited myself to only six of the complimentary gemstones from the ceiling as a reward.

Not that they were all that good, anyway. Tasteless ponies can't even get decent snacking crystals.

I stepped out onto the Ponyville station platform and stretched as the sun soaked into my stiff muscles. Nothing like a quick warm-up after having to sit in place for so long. Even if it was irritatingly chilly here, without a single magma flow in sight to bask by. Not that there'd been any magma flows the last time I visited, but I keep hoping that maybe eventually the ponies will pick up something of value from dragon society: anything would be an improvement.

Turning my attention outward, I scanned the crowd. Pony, pony, pony, pony, flying pony, magic pony, pony, pony. Aw, cracks. Just my luck. Spike was nowhere in sight.

I sniffed the air, hoping to catch a trace of his familiar scent. There was only one dragon whose natural musk was always buried beneath a layer of soap and paper, but unfortunately even Spike's distinct scent was lost under a cloying mess of smells that clogged up the air of every pony city like the haze over a sulfur pit.

For creatures that could barely smell a thing unless it was eye-wateringly overpowering, they sure put a lot of stock in the sensation.

Great. I was gonna have to find him the hard way then. And that meant walking.

The hard way—when you really got down to it—was mostly just walking up and down the maze of streets until I spotted something I recognized. A daunting task when every wooden pony house looked pretty much the same. Back in the dragonlands, outside of mountains and crags that split the horizon, you could always see everything around for miles. Getting lost wouldn't even be a concept if it weren't for the Great Migration. Meanwhile, finding my way through a pony town was like trying to walk through a canyon that kept splitting into multiple paths and doubling back on itself. The big crystal building was as good a landmark as any, but the roads never seemed to go right to it; always bending and snaking along twisty routes that all led back where I started.

My wings rustled irritably, eager to spread and launch me into the air so I could just fly straight there and be done with this mess, but a few bad experiences had proven that dragons flying inside a pony city usually ended in a lot more panic and screaming than it was worth. Usually.

That or you ended up with a lot of papers saying you were fine delivered by ponies who were always angry.

It was a small mercy that most of the locals gave me a wide berth as I wandered, clearly out of respect for my power and position. At least they had some awareness of a pecking order.

"Ember? Hey, Ember!"

Oh no.

I felt my blood run cold at the sound. I'd almost forgotten about the biggest threat that lurked in pony towns I'd visited before: ponies that knew me.

And it had to happen now of all times, didn't it?

No. I was a dragonlord. The Dragonlord. If I couldn't handle a little social interaction, what kind of a leader would I be?

...About as good as Dad, really, but that's not the point.

I took a deep breath to settle my definitely not shaken nerves and turned towards where the voice had come from to face the challenge.

There was a pony running—no, trotting—towards me.

So it was a pony. That was a good start.

That ruled out all the griffons, buffalo, yaks, and minotaurs I knew. Not that I knew all that many, but becoming the leader of a country had increased the amount from 'none at all' to 'several of each' in a very short span of time.

I turned my attention back to the pony, who was rapidly closing the distance between us. It had a long mane, so, a mare then. No, wait, some drakes—stallions—also had long manes, didn't they? Why couldn't they keep even that straight? The way it was styled didn't feel familiar, but they could change that on a whim as well so it meant nothing. I put a tentative pin in 'mare' and moved on.

No reason to even bother trying to intentionally smell her. The fabric-obsessed pony whose presence made Spike's scent change had once said it made me look haughty. I wasn't sure what haughty was but it didn't sound good. Besides, it wouldn't tell me anything anyway. Maybe there'd be a whiff of Spike in her scent—if I could dig through the soaps and perfumes and the last ten things she ate—but all that would mean was that she's a local.

There was a horn, glowing a little as it held up a pair of bags. That ruled out a lot of ponies from my mental list. The quiet flyer, the fruit one, the dragon-like one, and the insane one. Others too, but they weren't important enough for me to give them handy monikers.

But with that thought my time was up and quick assessment came to an end since the pony had reached me. Anything more I'd have to dissect from the conversation like prying a diamond from a lesser gem cluster. Only I had to do it without the cluster noticing.

Alright, stay calm, Ember. You got this. You will definitely figure out who this pony is and not bring shame to your title and also all dragons everywhere. Just figure out their name before you put a big stain on your honor. No problem. Now, start strong.

"Hey," I said before the mare could get the jump on me and start first. 'Hey' was a good, solid opener. It confirmed that I knew the pony I was speaking with without revealing that I didn't know who they were.

"Hey yourself," the mare replied, baring her teeth in a challenge to- no. Pony rules. A smile. She was happy to see me. "I thought that was you. What are you doing here?"

I shrugged, another good noncommittal gesture. "Visiting friends." Friends were also a handy excuse. Mentioning that to a pony would usually satisfy a lot of questions.

The mare's face twisted and warped. Ugh. Why did their faces have to be so... squishy? It was like looking at a newborn before their scales formed up. Lips went down, eyebrow up. Was that confusion? Maybe alarm?

"You have friends in Ponyville?"

Confusion then. Made sense. There was only one dragon in Ponyville and the idea of being friends with ponies was still a new concept, even to me. Still, I needed more. So far I'd learned nothing about this pony other than that she was surprised to hear I had friends.

Viper.

I'm a Dragonlord. I can make all the friends I want.

"And what if I do? You got a problem with that?"

"No! No, of course not. Friendship is always a good thing." And the best situational scapegoat. The scrunched up expression returned. "But how'd you get here?"

I racked my brain for a suitable answer. "The usual way." Most ponies took the train, didn't they? A lot of them couldn't fly and I couldn't imagine having to walk between towns. Having to walk within a town was painful enough. This conversation was continuing to be frustratingly dry on social cues and hints as to how this pony knew me. I needed a clue.

"Huh. Guess Celestia must have loosened up the travel restrictions."

Cluster! And there it was! A motherlode of hints. Now to just claw out everything useful before the silence went on too long.

First, travel restrictions. That sounds like something that was probably discussed in one of those conferences of national leaders that I hadn't paid all that much attention to. Which was totally fair game cause they'd been so boring. But this pony knew about it which meant they were an important pony.

...Or just followed the news. Cracks. No luck there.

More importantly though; Celestia. Not Ponylord Celestia. Not Her Highness Celestia. Just Celestia. No title. She was casual. Whoever this pony was, she was someone who knew Celestia on a personal level. That narrowed down the list to three ponies I could think of. Twilight Sparkle, Spike's hatcher. Starlight Glimmer, his friend. Or Raritoy, the one he just hung around sometimes.

All of which were ponies who were really big on the whole 'friendship thing' and ones who probably wouldn't take it too well finding out I can't tell them apart. Doesn't sound like a very 'friendship' thing to do.

Cracks.

The pony was starting to give me a weird look again. Twisting the lip and moving her ears around like leaves folding in the wind. What was it now? Seriously, these ponies used subtext so much it was like a whole second language! They could have a whole conversation without saying anything and...

Oh. I'd let the silence go on too long, hadn't I? That was probably it. Gotta recover quickly.

"So did you want something or...?" I let the question hang in the air; hopefully it would wring out a more helpful answer than what I'd been getting so far.

The pony looked successfully caught off guard. "Oh! Uhhh... not really, I guess? I mean I was surprised to see you and you honestly look a little lost."

I hated to admit it, but she was right. I was lost. Both in this city and the conversation. I'd go so far as to say I was desperate for more clues. I wouldn't say it out loud, but still. I nodded, reluctantly granting her that point. "This place is like a maze." Would a local defend their hometown?

The mare nodded back. "It can be if you're not used to it."

Again, unhelpfully ambiguous.

Who was she? The princess, the villain, or the fashion one? Twilight, Starlight, or Vanity? Three especially identical ponies with no way to tell them apart. It was a risk I didn't like taking, but it was coming down to just making my best guess. I drafted three columns, one for each potential pony, and readied myself to tally up further evidence.

I nearly missed the next beat of the conversation.

"So, where is it you're trying to go?"

Taking the cautious route, I decided to merely raised a claw towards the distant crystal castle. Less chance of letting something slip.

The unicorn's eyes widened in what was probably either realization, hunger, or love. I hoped it was the first. "Ah. Right. Yeah, that makes sense. I can walk with you back to the castle, if you want?"

The castle. Not ‘my castle’. It wasn't as cut-and-dry as I'd like, but it was better than nothing. I added a mark to the Starlight and Charity tallies anyway. I nodded my agreement.

Taking the lead, the unicorn turned down a side road that looked like it shouldn't have lead anywhere near the castle. I followed. Not like I could get any more lost than I already was.

As we traveled through side streets and around plazas, the pony began, as ponies infuriatingly often do, to prattle on about some inane details of pony life. Things like the weather, what she'd eaten, and who she'd met recently. Things that, without context, offered no information and even less interest to me. Despite my best efforts, I began to instinctively tune it out. It was like listening to magma bubble. Even when you try to focus on it, one small distraction and it just so easily fades into the background. Just keeping track of the broad strokes of conversation in case I needed to reply to anything was a chore in itself.

Why couldn't ponies be easy, like dragons? You had tall dragons, you had short dragons. Burrowers and flyers. Snub nosed and bottle-nosed. Unique scents and scale patterns. Solid, unchangeable facts about who they were. But ponies—it was like looking at leaves on a tree. How did ponies even tell each other apart?

Height? Aside from a few giants like Celestia and Night Celestia, they were all about the same.

Horns and wings? That narrowed them down into one of three groups, but apparently sometimes even that could change if they felt like it.

Manes? Even easier to change.

Maybe ponies just had a magical sense that let them tell who was who. Didn't bees do something like that? And ants maybe? Only they used actual scents, like any decent creature would instead of slathering themselves up in greases and oils and perfumes.

What else did they even have that was distinctive? I shifted my line of sight from mystery mare's backside to trail across other ponies as we passed by. There was a stallion, probably, with a boring mane and no horn or wings. Now a mare, maybe, with an only slightly longer mane and a pair of wings. Even side-by-side the only real difference between them was...

Aha! That was it! Their cute spots! Or talent tats, or whatever they called them! Those were unique! My chest swelled with an immense feeling of pride at having found the solution to the pony puzzle. Wasting no time, I turned to stare at my companion's flanks...

...which were covered by a skirt.

Right. They also wore clothes sometimes. As if they needed another feature to arbitrarily change from day to day. Then again, even if I could see it, I'd never paid attention to the marks before and wouldn't know who it was based on them anyway. So no great loss then. The surge of pride I'd been riding on crumbled down into a quiet burn of embarrassment.

Sometimes I wished you could punch emotions.

As an afterthought I added a point to the Rarity—that was her name!—column. Other ponies could wear clothes but she was the only one who was really into it.

The castle was getting closer, or at the very least we'd definitely made more progress than I'd managed on my own. Hints were still slow coming, but most of what the mare said was either too ambiguous to make a call or just completely useless.

But at least I could keep it up and keep digging as long as she didn't ask-

"So how's Torch doing?"

I nearly tripped over my own feet as the question cut through my half-focused thoughts. There it was. The most dangerous trap of the conversational minefield. Specific information. The kind of question where what I say has to make sense based on what the pony already knows. Too much extra context? They're gonna wonder why I'm repeating obvious stuff. Too little? It'd only be a quick jump for her to think that I thought she was somepony else who knew more. It was a delicate balancing act in the best of times.

Leaps of logic weren't my specialty but my new leadership responsibilities had given me some practice. I just had to lay out what I knew, what each of the three potential ponies might know, and find a safe overlap. All in the next several seconds. Great.

Dad. He was the important factor here. She knew about Dad. As far as I could remember, Starlight had never met him but the other two had; Twilight and Rarity were both at the trials. So, banking on the idea that the mare wasn't Starlight, anything the other two would have learned from that one visit should be safe.

"He's fine. Been sleeping a lot." The pony snerked. Was that funny? Pony humor was almost as bad and annoying as their faces. "Figuring out what to do in his retirement."

The mare twisted up one eyebrow and pursed her lips but said nothing. Now what was that supposed to mean?

We walked in silence for a few minutes while I definitely didn't start going over my words again and again, checking each one for some hidden context or accidental meaning that would have thrown me off. Nothing. Nothing I could think of was wrong with what I'd said. So why had she reacted so weirdly?

Before I realized it, we'd reached the castle. The doors were open, held that way by magic or whatever, so we continued straight indoors.

Just as I was starting to feel confident that things might be about to go smoothly, a headache walked around the corner.

This headache came in the form of two ponies. Mares, unicorns, and inside Twilight's castle.

And both their faces lit up at seeing me.

Cracks.

"Ember!" One of them cried as she approached. At least she didn't go for a hug so that was something to be grateful for. "Since when have you been in Ponyville?"

The pony I'd walked in with tilted her head. "You didn't know she was here, Twilight?"

Twilight! Yes! I held in the urge to loose a victory roar. That locked down one pony for sure. Unless there were multiple unicorns named Twilight around, but what were the chances of that?

Still, that left either Starlight or Rarity as my pony, and I had a good feeling that whichever one she wasn't, Twilight's companion was. All I needed was a little more. One more scrap of information. I just had to keep the conversation going long enough.

Twilight's lips turned down—one of the bad expressions—and her tail twitched. "No, I didn't, but countless creatures visit Ponyville every day. I don't require a border check or anything."

"Plus I'm a dragon," I defended, crossing my arms. "I come and go as I please."

"Yes, there's that as well."

If her tensing muscles meant anything, the pony next to me was unhappy with this answer. Whatever her issue, I could deal with it later. After I had a name to put to a body.

"I was supposed to meet up with Spike to practice some dragon flight moves, but he wasn't at the train station like he was supposed to be." I might as well give her some friendly advice while I'm at it, that seems like a friendship sort of thing to do. "Your town is really badly planned."

Twilight grimaced—an expression surprisingly identical to a dragon's—and nodded. "Don't I know it. That's what happens when a band of farmers and traders pitch their tents wherever they feel like then spend a century growing a town around it. Next time some monster levels half of downtown, I'm pushing for a grid system."

I had no idea what that meant, but decided I'd friendshipped correctly. The pony beside me was also giving me a really weird look now. I need to pin her name fast before whatever she was brewing finally bubbled over. Twilight turned to the pony beside her. "Did Spike say anything about a visit from Ember to you?"

The unicorn shook her head. "Not to me, but I have been pretty busy lately. Want me to go check his room? He might've overslept."

Twilight beamed. "Thanks, Starlight!"

Starlight! Yes! And that left only one possible identity for the pony at my side.

I put my arm around her shoulder to emphasize just how good friends we were. "Thanks. Rarity here was just helping me find my way to the castle." I could barely keep the smug satisfaction out of my voice.

Then the room went silent.

The ponies all turned to me, their expressions bleeding such obvious confusion that even I couldn't miss it.

"Uh, come again?" said Rarity(?).

Oh no.

I cracked up! I cracked up! I cracked up! I'd guessed wrong! Backpedal! Reverse course!

"No, wait, I meant Starlight!"

Their gaze shifted towards the mare who'd been about to leave. Cracks, no! They'd already named her earlier!

I could feel the heavy weight of their eyes landing back on me. I held the record for deepest lava dive but even that pressure had nothing on this! How did they do it with just their eyes!? Some kind of pony magic?

I couldn't breathe. I was drowning. Drowning in my own failure and shame. I tried to speak but only managed a few choked noises. Was this how my legacy was to play out? Dragonlord Ember: That One Who Couldn't Remember a Pony's Name?

"Ember, are you... alright?" Twilight asked, her voice so sickeningly sweet with genuine sincerity that it cut right through me, tearing whatever was left of my pride to shreds.

What was the point? Why bother pretending? Might as well just take my lumps and admit it. Not like I could crack the situation up any more than I already had.

"Fine," I growled, channeling my shame into frustration. "Just... fine. I give up! You... whoever you are. I have no idea. I haven't had any idea this whole time. I tried to figure it out, but I got nothing. Not a clue to who you are or what your name is."

"Me?" she asked. I nodded. The mysterious pony that had caused me so much distress placed a hoof on her chest. "I'm Sunset Shimmer."

Sunset Shimmer? Who the crack was Sunset cracking Shimmer?

Sunset's eyes lit up and she raised a hoof to her forehead with a groan of realization. "Oh! I'm such an idiot. You're the local Ember, aren't you?"

Local Ember? Crack if I know but it sounds like as good an excuse as any. Maybe I could recover from this after all.

"Yes."

The unicorn groaned once more. "Seriously, again? Why is it that every time I drop by there's another mirrored person I didn't know about?"

Twilight spoke up. "Sunset, you know the Ember on the other side?"

She nodded, her face twisting into another of those complicated expressions. "We're not close, but I'd call us friends. She graduated two years ahead of me and works at her dad's store where I get all my jackets and motorcycle gear. Dragonland Gear and Outfitters. Pretty cool chick, if a bit standoffish."

Mirrors? Graduated? Motorcycles? I'd be the first to admit (at least to myself) that I don't get ponies, but this was a whole new level of confusing nonsense. But putting aside the strange terms, I think I could just about figure out what was going on. For once, I was the one getting mistaken for someone else. The feeling was... weird. No wonder ponies got upset when I did it to them.

Sunset had turned back to face me with a strained smile on her face as she rubbed the back of her head. "Yeah, so this is awkward. Sorry for the mix-up. I live... somewhere else, where there's a lot of ponies and creatures similar to ones around here, even down to names and personality. I've been going on all this time thinking you were the Ember I knew when really we're complete strangers. You must have been really bored listening to me ramble on for so long about a bunch of people you don't even know."

For a moment I was torn between the still thundering echoes of mortification at my mistake and a soothing relief that I'd only failed because it was a no-win scenario to begin with.

"No big," I said magnanimously. Part of being a ruler was knowing when to pretend like you'd done nothing wrong and if ever there was a time for that, it was now. "I'm sure it happens all the time."

"More often than you'd think."

I could see the light now. With her taking the blame, my mistake would be easily forgotten with almost no hit to my reputation. In a few minutes no one would remember I'd messed up at all. It wasn't the best outcome, but it was still better than I'd feared.

A trickle of laughter came out of one of the other two, drawing my and Sunset's attention to her. Starlight, assuming they hadn't switched places while I wasn't looking. "At least you're both in the same boat. Unless we're going to just gloss over how she thought you were Rarity and then me?"

They hadn't forgotten.

Cracks.

The Name Game

Author's Notes:

This one may be a bit less structured because, you know, I wasn't planning to have a second chapter.

But my hand was forced.

Feel free to blame Super Saiyan D for causing this to exist with their first comment.

"It's not my fault you all look the same," I groused.

We'd moved from the entranceway of the castle to a small room off to the side filled with couches and cushions for sitting. A sitting room, they'd called it. Fitting.

Twilight, Sunset, and Starlight (in that order) had taken one couch while I sat opposite them on a chair. While the prior two only seemed mildly interested, the third just would not stop grinning.

"We really don't," That was Sunset. "That's why this is so interesting, Em."

"Em?"

She winced. "Sorry. Habit. I'll try to keep you Ember and the one I know Em so I don't get mixed up."

Someday I'll need to meet this 'other Ember". See how she measures up against the real thing. "Whatever."

"I can't even begin to imagine the kind of social and cultural ramifications this implies," said Twilight. She was easier to recognize now that I realized she had wings. Not my fault for not noticing them: she doesn't carry herself like a winged creature. No shifting, no flexing, no little unconscious movements. She walks like she doesn't even have them. Not to mention how they're totally hidden when she sits. "You really can't tell which of us is which?"

"I know now," I stressed. Assuming none of them grew more wings or changed their manes while I blinked. "Just... not when meeting you on the street."

"What about if I did this?" Starlight asked a moment before her horn lit with a flash of blinding light.

As I blinked away the afterimages, I tried to figure out what she'd done. Magic, clearly, but that narrowed down nothing. I squinted at the trio. There was something... slightly off about them. Something not right about how Starlight's mane was looped across the back of the- Ah!

I smirked as I held direct eye contact with her. "Nice try, Starlight. But I know who you are now. I'm not gonna be fooled by you switching your manes around, even if you use magic to do it."

Starlight gave me a confused look (I think I'm getting better at picking up their emotions) before speaking in the wrong voice, "Actually, I'm Twilight. She teleported us all around. I thought it was just some sort of cultural difference or a general lack of consideration, no offense, but you really can't tell, can you?"

I rolled my eyes at her. It's one of the few pony gestures I've made sure to learn and practice so I get it just right. It makes absolutely no sense, yet somehow conveys a lot of what I feel whenever I have to deal with ponies.

Twilight's expression shifted into one of the annoying unreadable ones again before she suddenly brightened with a smile. "Actually, that gives me an idea. Everycreature hold on while I go find the right book."

Her horn lit up again for a second before she vanished entirely. Seriously? They can teleport just like that? Why do they have roads and trains at all if they can just pop from place to place like a four-legged will-o-wisp?

That left me with the other two. Sunset, who still didn't seem totally over mistaking me, and Starlight, whose grin was getting bigger why was it getting bigger?

"What's wrong with your face?"

Her creepy smile broke and reformed as a more normal-looking one. "Oh, nothing. I just had a bit of an idea. Say, do you mind if I grab a friend?"

I shrugged. Why would I care?

Her horn flashed again before I even finished the gesture (seriously? Again with the teleporting?) and a new pony appeared on the couch. It was a unicorn, again, but I could at least tell this one apart because she was wearing a hat. A long floppy cone that almost looked like just another lock of mane.

Great. Now I was going to have to learn another name to keep straight.

She yawned and shot Starlight the kind of stink-eye I recognized from the train. "Is there some reason you felt it necessary to interrupt Trixie's beauty sleep? Trixie needs a proper ten hours if she's going to perform at maximum magical potential."

Oh I like this one. Any pony who constantly reminds you who they are is a good pony in my books.

"It's almost lunch, you've slept plenty. I just thought you like to meet Twilight's friend Ember while she's here."

Trixie turned to me, eyes still only half open. "Hello." Her voice was drier than the scorched earth of the badlands. I knew dragons more eager to make friends.

No reason not to respond in kind. "Hey."

"Ember here's not great at telling ponies apart." Wow. Viper. Eager to throw me under the boulder aren't we? Still, my opinion of her went up a notch. That was some ruthlessness a dragon could respect. "So I thought we could have some fun helping her learn to spot small differences.”

That sounded like a terrible idea.

"This sounds like a terrible idea and Trixie would like to go back to sleep."

Trixie was rapidly making her way up the rankings of my favorite ponies.

Starlight leaned in and whispered something into her ear. Trixie's eyes went wide suddenly. "No, really?" Starlight nodded, a hint of the alarming grin coming back. "Trixie has changed her mind and is eager to help."

Easy come, easy go. Back down the rankings with her.

"I think this sounds like a great idea," agreed Sunset eagerly but not quite as... suspiciously as the other two. "In fact, I bet I know someone who could help. Excuse me a minute."

Another flash, another teleport. Seriously, why did they even bother with doors?

In the meantime, Starlight had removed Trixie's hat (and her distinctiveness) and magicked up a cup of something steaming. I rankled as the smell hit me. A harsh and bitter scent, with just a hint of something cloyingly sweet under it. How they could stand to be so close to the source—let alone drink it—was beyond me.

Neither seemed ready to talk to me and instead shared whispers back and forth. I was just fine with that; less chances for me to put my back claw in my mouth.

Sunset returned just as quickly as she'd left, reappearing with twice the bright light. When the spots finally left my vision I noticed she wasn't alone.

She'd brought back Twilight... I think?

It looked like Twilight, for as much as that means anything, but she had glasses on now and she sat differently. Like she wasn't sure how to position her legs. Weird. Hadn't she said she was coming right back? Why did Sunset need to go get her?

And didn't she have wings before?

"Ember, this is my friend, Twilight Sparkle-"

Duh. Got that.

"-but not Princess Twilight. She's a different pony entirely."

What.

Some part of my feelings must have shown on my face because she continued with a smile I found coddling. "Remember how I said that there were similar ponies in the place where I live? She's from there."

"Hi," new Twilight said, raising her hoof and... twitching it at me? Was she trying to wave without claws? "It's nice to meet you."

Why does the world hate me? I try, I really do, but just when I think I might be starting to get a handle on keeping track of all these cookie-cutter ponies it decides to throw this at me. Same name, same mane, same squiggly mark on her rump! How am I supposed to tell them apart? What kind of cabal of universal forces got together and decided "I don't think the current Dragonlord is being challenged enough. Let's put a bunch of ponies who are all perfect copies of each other in positions of power and watch her squirm as she tries to keep track of them"?

Out loud, all I said was "Same."

She really was an almost perfect double. But at least she had the glasses to make her distinctive. If she took them off-

Someone's magic (maybe Starlight's?) stole new Twilight's glasses—"Hey! I need those!"—then shot her in the face—"Oh. That works. Thank you."

"It's only a temporary fix. They’ll go back to normal in a few hours."

Cracks. And now she was even less recognizable. I wonder what the rules of friendship and diplomacy have to say about starting a war? Not against all ponies; just Starlight in particular. I'd like to see her be clever when facing down an army of all my dragons.

"So... what exactly are we doing?" new Twilight (because what else could I possibly call her?) asked. "Sunset was a bit circumspect on details."

"Ember's got a problem with remembering who's who among ponies." Starlight said, finally emerging from her whisper-huddle to properly rejoin the group at large.

New Twilight glanced between her, Sunset, and whatshername. "Well you do all-"

"She mistook me for Rarity," Sunset cut in.

"Oh. Yes, well, I see. What can I do to help?"

"I was thinking we could make a game out of it," Starlight continued. "We shuffle around, randomize ourselves, then Ember takes a crack at guessing who is who. The longer we play, the better she'll get at identifying small differences that might seem obvious to us."

I had to give her props. She'd make a good dragon, even just measuring by how much I wanted to reduce her to a pile of smoking ash.

I knew about games—we had plenty of lava-based ones back home—but this was sounding less and less like a game. Call me suspicious, but it was starting to sound more like a group of teenage dragons ganging up on a pre-molt drakeling for some fun. The kind of taunting and teasing fun meant to push them into finding their inner anger. I didn't think ponies did that kind of thing.

Nor did I think they'd be this good at getting me riled up. Already I felt a hot surge of anger burning in my gut, fighting to make its way up my throat and out my mouth towards my enemies. And they’d somehow done it all with their tone and helpful suggestions. Not a single insult against my family or prowess.

So that's how they wanted to play it? Get the dragon angry, get her real riled up and see if she pops? They think they can mock me and get away with it? Well I'll show them. I'll show them all! I'll beat this stupid little game of theirs and teach them proper respect for a Dragonlord!

I knew them now. It's not easy, but there's little differences if you really really stare. Trixie's muzzle turns up at the end. Sunset's a claw taller than the rest. And if they sit just right I might be able to see and remember their hip marks. The manes will be the biggest help, I think. They're all strange and wavy, but at least they're wavy in different ways. So long as I can match which to who, I should be golden.

As I'd been seething, the ponies had kept talking and come to the agreement that it was a great idea. They even sounded supportive. I'd nodded at the right times when they asked if I was fine with this. I'd be fine once I had crushed their egos and mocking opinions of me into the dust.

"Should we get started or wait for Twilight?" Trixie-with-the-mane-like-a-dragon's-tail asked. She glanced over. "Other Twilight, that is?"

"That reminds me," said Starlight-with-the-fat-head-and-mane-that-goes-like-a-waterfall, "We can't make it too easy."

She rubbed her hoof through Trixie's mane for a few moments and when she took it away Trixie was Twilight.

Apparently this was impressive even by the standards of pony magic, unless gaping jaws meant something different when a pony did it.

"How did you do that?" Sunset asked. "Do you know how many years I spent trying to find a decent mane-styling spell?"

Starlight smirked. "It's not even a spell. Just a little trick I picked up from Rainbow Dash, of all ponies. For all her bluster and bravado, the mare really knows how to work with a mane. It's actually pretty easy once you know the trick. See?"

Another movement of her hoof that was too quick to follow and now Sunset was Twilight too.

Well that's just cheating.

Cracks.

Original new Twilight was still gaping at it. "But... where did all the length go?"

Starlight spun her hoof through her own mane and now there were four Twilights on the couch. It was even worse than usual. Usually, ponies are like leaves. Just about identical at first glance, but if you really squint you can tell one from another (even if you still don't know what tree it's from). But this... this was like trying to tell four snowflakes apart.

And then they started giggling. And smiling.

Now it was just straight up creepy.

“Well then," asked a pony I could only hope was still Starlight, “Are you ready to start?"

Before I could make her permanently recognizable with a scorched face, we were interrupted.

A flash of light heralded Princess Twilight (or a very short Celestia)'s return, and with her came- oh cracks no.

"I'm back! I couldn't find the book I needed, so I had to make a quick visit to Canterlot where I knew a pony who had another copy. She thought this sounded like an interesting study and asked if she could tag along."

"How do you do," said new new Twilight. "My name is Moondancer."

Oh. Come. On.

This next hour was going to be Tartarus, I could feel it, but pride forbade me from backing down now. I would prevail. Some way or another, I was going to figure out which of these ponies was which.

If only so I could find the right Starlight Glimmer to challenge to a fight after.