Her trip back to The Syndicate was...enlightening, in a way. She felt somewhat like when she woke up from that coma, but without the sudden new voices in her head, just the ones already in there that she had to live with. Her changes now were a bit more physical, other than the hair and eye anyway. Her body felt lighter and stronger, she felt like she had more energy than before, jumping from branch to branch was much easier than she thought it’d be.

She wasn’t sure why it was, if it was because of The Whispers ‘turning off her limits’ or whatever they were doing, or it was just because she had finally gotten some actual sleep and was well rested. At the moment, she honestly and truly did not care. Her body was constantly changing, at this rate she wouldn’t be able to recognize herself in the mirror, the voices in her head could take over at any moment if they wanted to, and she wasn’t even sure how much of her was still human. She was just going to have to start embracing what she is and what she was becoming, she couldn’t stop it anymore than she could stop her lungs needing air, change seemed to be an inevitability in her life.

Since she was a bit faster than she expected to be, she got to The Syndicate’s base in forty five minutes rather than an hour. Which meant she had some extra time, if even just a little. When she entered, she put her hood up and tried to remain as inconspicuous as possible. Pinkamena wasn’t sure if anyone would recognize her with her ‘abnormalities’, but she didn’t want to risk it. She wanted to hear how things were going, and couldn’t get that if they knew she was around.

Pinkamena mostly just wandered around, not staying in any particular place for very long. The hallways seemed to be where people chatted the most as they went place to place, when she noticed people in there, she’d stay against the wall and pretend to be on her phone or something while she was listening to them. Some people looked at her strangely, but didn’t seem to suspect anything other than that.

The rumor mill was about what she expected it to be from people apart of a criminal organization: Body counts, both in sex and how many people they killed. Who was having sex with who, battle stories and the best scores they ever got, stuff that only gave her a bit more insight into some of the people that she was the leader of. If she actually thought she could, and if she didn’t know there were good people too, she’d burn this place to the ground.

In terms of more important stuff, most were relieved and a bit impressed that tension between them and The Apples was gone. She wasn’t sure how exactly that news had gotten tossed around about that, likely with Juno and Discord, but she was glad some of her efforts were known. She was less surprised when they started talking about The Silent Killer, it seemed most knew that she had fought them at least twice before, and thanks to that less criminals had been getting shot. Many seemed thankful for that, but she had a feeling a lot of them were just glad they didn’t have to worry about getting shot the next time they robbed a gas station or something.

Though considering the way Starlight put it, it didn’t matter too much what she did. She said that until Pinkamena graduated, The Council would run things, and that she would essentially be a figurehead. Which was fine with her, it meant she had less to worry about. She was sure that as soon as everything with TSK was settled, they would be teaching her everything she’d need to know, which sounded like it was going to be so much fun.

It was about time for her to start heading to Discord’s office, she wasn’t sure what exactly kind of things he was going to be doing to her, but there was no point in dreading it. As she walked there, she began to form a mental list of things to do in her head, keeping things organized helped make things simple for her.

*First, let Discord do a checkup on me. While I’m with him, I need to try to get as much out of him as I can. I need to know what Starlight meant when she said I needed to ask him about my mom, and whatever else he clearly knows about. Then, I need to talk to Fancy Pants, Zecora, and Michael. I should tell Fancy Pants about what Igneous spent his money on, while being as vague as possible. Give Zecora an update on TSK, and tell her how their weapon seems to be able to morph and change around. And I definitely need to talk to Michael, I have a feeling he knew the effects that Imperium would have on The Whispers. As for Starlight…*

Starlight had left this strange...warm feeling in Pinkamena the last time they spoke, she wasn’t quite sure how to explain it. She liked who Starlight was as a person, she really did. Starlight treated her like a friend, not just a mental case she wanted to fix. She felt that like Sunset and the others, she could forge a genuine friendship with her. Even so, she still felt...hesitant about her. The way she was able to read her and other people was sort of terrifying, she could probably get anyone to do what she wanted by using the right words in the right way if she desired.

She also couldn’t help but feel angry about the relationship she seemed to have with Igneous, she couldn’t accept that Igneous used to be a good person, she just couldn’t. Because if that was true, if he used to be a good person and turned into what he did, and Starlight, Discord, nobody else could save him…

Then what hope was there for her?

*...I’ll talk to Starlight if I come across her, but I won’t go out of my way to find her like the others, not right now at least.*

Discord’s office looked exactly like last time, which was the weird part. She had expected that he’d have painted the room a different color again, but it was the same vertical stripes of scarlet red and plum purple, she could smell the paint was now mostly dry. She saw the various machines and things in his room, the small table with the supercomputer sitting on it, which was the only light in the room.

And the metal table she had been strapped to when she was forced to be a chimera.

It was odd, but the last time she came here, she felt...afraid. There was undeniably some truth to what Starlight told her about having PTSD, there was almost nothing she said in there that wasn’t true in some way. Right now, however, she didn’t feel afraid or on the verge of a panic attack like before. Looking at that table just made her feel...uneasy, not to the point of shaking or heavy breathing, just she would prefer not to touch it if it could be helped.

She wasn’t sure why she didn’t feel as apprehensive as before, maybe it was The Whispers again, but she didn’t feel that cold chill around her heart like usual. It could even be what Starlight said, that she was distracting herself so she wouldn’t have to deal with her emotions.

*Doesn’t matter, not here, not now.*

Pinkamena shook her head and looked around the room, she didn’t see him in the room anywhere. Which threw her off, she had expected Discord would be sitting in here, doing something weird to keep himself busy.

“Woah, what a coinkydink. I left to go take a dump, and here I find you standing in my office, looking for me the one time I’m not here.”

She jumped a little at the sudden voice, turning around to see Discord right behind her, his right hand in his lab coat pocket and the other cleaning out his left ear with a Q-tip. He only gave her a glance before walking past her, pulling the Q-tip out of his ear and looking down at it with a grimace, flicking it into a trash can beside the table.

“Come inside and sit down, I’m old, I need a close look to be able to see you properly.” Discord said as he turned on the light switch, the lightbulb in the center of the room turning on.

Pinkamena looked at Discord in slight astonishment, she hadn’t even felt his presence at all. It was like he wasn’t there one moment, and was the next. She should have heard his heartbeat or something, and while she could now, she didn’t notice it until he was right behind her.

She didn’t realize it until now, but Discord was...kind of terrifying.

He pulled the chair out from the table and turned it to face Pinkamena, he patted it, gesturing for her to sit there. She hesitantly did, noticing how surprisingly comfortable it was. With his right hand already in his lab coat pocket, he pulled out a small flashlight, bending over and shining it directly into both of her eyes. He had a blank look on his face, making no noise as he examined her.

Once he was done with her eyes, he turned his attention to her hair, grabbing one of the pink strains of her hair and examining it with his flashlight. He then let go of it, grabbing another strand that was black and doing the same thing, comparing them. It was hard for her to tell, but something about this felt...off. She knew Discord had more experience with The Whispers than anyone else, and he knew exactly how to deal with them if he could, but it didn’t seem like he was just doing a checkup. Instead, it was more like he was looking for something specific.

She didn’t know what, and got the feeling he wouldn’t tell her if she asked.

“Ok, so,” He mumbled as he straightened himself. “Your hair and eye changed color. What, are you going to start cracking your fingers?”

She felt herself sigh before she heard it, but she couldn’t stop herself from smirking a bit. “You know Discord, one of these days you’re going to find someone who gets all your vague references, and it’s going to be less fun for you.”

“Oh, on the contrary, I hope I do!” Discord said with a hearty chuckle. “If I ever met anyone who got all my references and makes as many as I do, I’d probably fall in love with them instantly.”

As he spoke, his eyes began to travel down to her body. He had this strange look in his eyes, like he was trying really hard to look for something, but he didn’t want to actually find it. As soon as he reached the bottom, his eyes quickly looked back up to meet hers, wearing that same complacent smirk and half-lidded eyes like he normally did.

“Is that all that changed? If so, then I don’t see why we needed to meet for this. You could have just described it to me or sent me a picture, there are a lot of things I’ll tolerate, but wasting my time isn’t one of them.”

“No, there’s something else, I think you’ll want to test it immediately.” Pinkamena said as she sharpened the nail on her pointer finger into a claw, turning her left hand upward and slicing across her palm, letting the black blood begin to seep out. That strange scent began to fill her nostrils as she found herself watching the blood come out of her, finding something about it mesmerizing.

“I think it changed sometime during the melding process, I first noticed when I threw up blood and it looked like this. It has a strange smell that I...really can’t describe, and it seems to be a bit thicker than normal blood, but otherwise I can’t tell any difference. I figured you’d want t-”

Pinkamena stopped talking when she heard erratic panting, accompanied by what might have been the most rapid heartbeats she’d ever heard. She looked up at Discord, the only possible source that it could be coming from.

His eyes were wider than what she thought was possible, his constricted pupils weren’t looking at her, but at her palm, like nothing else existed in the entire world. His right hand was clutching his chest where his heart was, his entire body was shaking like a leaf. Every breath from him sounded strained, his other hand was on the table supporting him so he wouldn’t fall to his knees. She could smell the sweat on him, his heartbeat was louder than anything else in the room. She knew what this was, she’d seen it in the men she killed, she’d seen it when she almost killed Sunset, she’d felt it from herself.

This was raw, complete fear.

“T-thats…why is your blood…?” She heard him say barely more than a murmur, it was the quietest she’d ever heard him speak, and the first time she’d ever heard him stutter.

“Discord? Are you okay?” Pinkamena asked, retracting the claw on her left hand and reaching forward to Discord’s hand.

The second her hand made contact with Discord’s, he recoiled and sharply gasped, pulling his hand away as soon as he made eye contact with her. He stared at her for a few seconds, his mouth agape, she could tell he wanted to say something, but something was stopping him from saying it.

He abruptly closed his eyes and turned around, only his back was visible now. He brought both his hands up to his face, she could still hear his fearful breathing and see him shaking, but he wasn’t saying anything.

Pinkamena wanted to say something, to do something. She knew she shouldn’t have liked Discord, he was the person who turned her into a chimera, and even seemed to enjoy it. But she had to admit Discord had a way of growing on people, as strange as he could be sometimes, she had grown to care for him, if only just a bit. She didn’t know what it was that made him so afraid all of the sudden, but whatever it was had him absolutely terrified, nothing she’d ever expect from Discord.

It obviously had something to do with her blood being black, but she really didn’t know why that’d scare him so much. Suddenly, he took in one deep breath and exhaled, his shaking stopped and she could hear his heartbeat begin to stabilize.

“Sorry about that, I thought you were...never mind.” She heard him say calmly as he turned around, his face completely blank and impossible to read. He reached into his lab coat and pulled out a vacutainer and a vial, grabbed the arm that she cut the palm of and rolled up the sleeve to the elbow. “Let’s pretend that didn’t happen, yeah? Yeah. So, you said it had a strange smell to it? Interesting, I wonder if that means any of the properties have changed, or maybe even something with the neurotransmitters.”

She stared at Discord as he stuck the needle in her arm, furrowing her eyebrows in silence. She knew that wouldn’t be something she’d just forget anytime soon, that was genuine fear. But she also understood that if there was something someone was so afraid of that it shook them to the core like that, it wasn’t something they’d want to talk about. She wouldn’t push it then, but it was definitely something she’d be bringing up later.

“It does, I’d describe it to you if I could, but I really don’t know how to put it into words. It’s not particularly strong since I can ignore it, but there’s something about that that’s just...wrong.”

Discord responded only with a grunt, watching her black blood flow through the tube and fill up the vial, his eyes looked distant as he was deeply thinking about something. “I’ve got some more info on The Silent Killer for you, Blake’s doing his job.”

Discord noticed her flinch when he said Blake’s name, glancing up at her and staying silent for a few moments before continuing. “This was something Igneous assumed, but now we have it confirmed. There is nothing that suggests TSK is active anywhere else, they seem to be sticking to Manhattan. I told him to come back to Manhattan and to gather as much information as he can, but that he’s not allowed to come back to HQ until you give the go ahead.”

Blake had been a subject of thought she’d been avoiding, even after her talk with Starlight. She was trying her hardest to not think of him, if there was as much truth to what Starlight told her, that was for the best. She needed to keep him as far away from her as possible for as long as possible, she needed to hold on to her hatred for him, before it turned into something much, much worse.

“I can’t deal with him Discord, not right now. But, I have some new information about them, I’m not sure if it’s good or bad news. They said they were looking for me, but they didn’t tell me why or if that’s the reason they started killing criminals.”

Discord eyebrow raised slightly as he looked back down at the vial, pulling it out as it got to the full point. He put a cork on the top and put it in his lab coat pocket, pulling out the vacutainer and throwing it away.

“I had an inkling that was the case, they did show up about two or three weeks after we dropped you off. Having it confirmed narrows down who it could be at least. I’ll run some tests on your blood and see if I can tell why it’s changed, but since you’re sitting here and you seem healthy enough, I’m going to guess it isn’t dangerous.”

Discord placed his hand on a random part of the wall, pushing it in and causing it to collapse on itself and slide down into the wall. He reached into the square hole it made and pulled out a bag of watermelon Twizzlers, as soon as he pulled the bag out the part of the wall that slid down came back up, hiding the hole and making it seem like it was never even there. He ripped open the bag and put one in his mouth, it hung out like a cigar as he chewed on it.

“If that’s all, than I’m going to go ahead an-”

“I want to talk about Cloudy.”

He stopped chewing as he stared at her awkwardly, pulling the half eaten Twizzler out of his mouth and holding it in his fingers like a cigarette. “Well, I was going to leave that up to Maud to tell you, but oh well. After she heard that Igneous was dead, she tried to kill Maud, but ended up killing hersel-”

“That’s not what I wanted to talk about, I already know about that. Starlight told me there was something I should know about Cloudy, and that you’d be able to explain it better than anyone.”

Discord didn’t say anything for a few seconds, staring at her with an angry glare, though he seemed more upset at what she said rather than her. He tossed the rest of the Twizzler in his mouth and ate it, setting the bag on the table behind him. He crossed his arms and lowered his head, leaving his facial expression impossible for Pinkamena to see.

“Pinkie, w-”

“Pinkamena, call me...Pinkamena. I’m not Pinkie anymore, I haven’t been for a while.”

Pinkamena had been thinking about what she wanted to be called for a while, remembering when she yelled at Maud not to call her Pinkie anymore. Pinkie was the upbeat, friendly girl she had become after her first party, even if that happiness was fake like Starlight said, there were moments of undeniably genuine joy. Pinkamena, while also being her full name, was who she was before that party. Miserable and alone, unable to make even herself happy, so much as anyone else. A few people had called her Pinkie, she knew why, it was shorter and easier to say. But she couldn’t ignore the fact that it hurt her to be called that, even by the people who used to be her closest friends.

“Pinkamena, then. When is the last time you can remember having your period?”

Pinkamena was a bit surprised at Discord’s bluntness, but then she remembered he didn’t really have a filter when it comes to social situations. He was evidently good at reading the room, he just didn’t seem to care.

“I...would guess sometime during my coma after my fight with Igneous? I haven’t had another one since I woke up, so I should be due soon.”

“No, your last period was on the second day Blake gave you to me. It’s also the last period you’ll be having ever, being a Chimera means you can’t produce offspring. Something about mixing the DNA of animals and humans messes with the reproductive system, I won’t go into the details. For men, it basically makes it to where they’re shooting blanks. For women, you stop producing eggs.”

“But...then how did Igneous have us? Hadn’t he been the leader for twenty years or so?” Pinkamena asked as she rolled the sleeve back over her arm, noticing that something about Discord seemed really...tense.

“That’s where your mother came in. If the leader is a man, it’s essential for them to have children. If it’s a woman, we have a selection process. The problem comes from their ability to reproduce, since all leaders are required to be Chimera’s, they can’t do that. Usually, they have at least one kid before. In the case where they don’t like Igneous, well.”

Discord stopped talking for a second, reaching into the bag of Twizzlers and handing her one. She took it out of his hands and peeled a piece of it off, sticking it in her mouth and beginning to chew on it. It had a taste like watermelon bubblegum, but the texture of licorice, it was the type of candy to just mindlessly chew on.

“It hasn’t happened for a while, but in the case someone is made a leader and they don’t have any children, we use what we call a Surrogate. Basically their genes are...modified to be extremely fertile, to where even a male chimera can impregnate them. Since there are no more eggs being produced, this can’t be done with a female leader. So I hope you never wanted to have children, it’s basically impossible now.”

Pinkamena felt a bit sad about the revelation, but not overly bothered by it. It wasn’t just an excuse when she told Starlight she’d be a bad mother, it was the truth. She didn’t know how to care for and love a child since she’d been neglected like she had, she was never a responsible person, and right now she’d likely even be a worse mother than she thought.

It didn’t really matter how she felt about it anyway, it was done and was just another thing she’d have to live with.

“No big deal, at least I don’t have to deal with periods anymore. So is that what Cloudy was? A Surrogate?” Pinkamena mumbled as she peeled another part of the Twizzler, noticing that sometime while he was talking Discord pulled another one out of the bag and was chewing on it.

“She was, and I’m the one who did the modifications. Something went wrong and she was only able to make girls, I tried to fix it, but I just couldn’t. It had something to do with the eggs she was producing only being able to accept sperm that would turn into girls, it was really weird. It bothered him a lot because he always wanted a son, but it is how it is. That isn’t all though, there’s a bit more to it than that.”

Discord ate the rest of the Twizzler, uncrossing his arms and putting his hand against a part of the wall. It slid into the wall and revealed the cooler she had seen before, he pulled out two of the same brown can full of mixed candies and hot chocolate, cracking open one and giving the other to her. The cooler wall closed again as soon as he pulled the cans out, making it seem like it wasn’t even there.

“As I’m sure you’ve become aware of, The Syndicate likes to make sure everything is kept perfectly managed and under their control, it’s where The Whispers get it from. The sole purpose of a Surrogate is to bear and raise children, nothing more and nothing less. So, they pick the youngest girl they can from an orphanage, take them, and raise them with that mindset. All other emotions, desires, and anything else gets removed. It’s drilled into them that they’re only meant to be mothers and nothing else, they’re hardly even human any more.

It’s why she was so cold and emotionless, she was only taught to make sure you were alive and went to school, that was it. Everything else was negligible, as long as you were physically healthy, that’s all that mattered. When Igneous died, and she heard you were in a coma, she felt that she had lost her entire purpose, since she knew that Maud was not fit to be the leader. She tried to kill Maud, failed, and killed herself. I know you probably didn’t feel anything for her, but...I’m sorry for your loss.”

Pinkamena listened to his explanation in silence, having finished the remainder of the Twizzler. Her face remained mostly blank, only flinching once or twice as she listened. When she was done, she cracked open the can and brought it up to her mouth.

“That,” She said as she chugged the entire can, the sweet liquid dissolving in her mouth as she drank it. “Sounds like a really shitty existence. I never loved her, but knowing this, I can’t bring myself to hate her either. Whatever, I think I’ve wasted enough of both of our time.”

Pinkamena tossed the can into the trash can, standing out of the chair and pushing it under the table. “I’m going to go ahead and guess that Michael is still in the infirmary, I doubt he’s in any state to start physical therapy yet. Can you tell me where Fancy Pants and Zecora are? I got some things I should talk to them about.”

“You’re in luck, Zecora and Fancy Pants are in the same place right now. They’re in the workshop right now, apparently Zecora has been getting into building custom guns and gun parts. Fancy Pants heard about it and is trying to convince her to start selling them, I doubt that he can convince her though, she’s stubborn and doesn’t care about profit.”

Discord sipped his can after speaking, reaching into his pocket and grabbing his flip phone. He flipped it open and began texting someone, a lot faster than she’d think someone that old would be able to.

“I’m sure you’d also like to know that I gave Juno the day off because he needs to sleep, so you can do whatever you want today without being watched. I’m also sure you still want to take a shower, go to the private one down the hall and to the left. Leave your dirty clothes outside and lock the door, I’ll have someone bring a new set.”

Pinkamena nodded as she walked past him, opening up the door and preparing to walk out.

“Starlight’s been worried about you, you know. She’d never say it, but she always wanted to meet you and the rest of your friends. She talks about you a bit when you’re not around and I think she really likes you, but she also pity’s you, and I know you really don’t like it when people pity you. You two should talk about that, avoiding Blake I can understand, but don’t avoid Starlight. She’s been hurt by too many people she cares about, please don’t be added to that list.”

Pinkamena was surprised at how serious and yet gentle Discord’s voice was, that was probably the most genuine advice he’d given her. He didn’t look at her when he said it, but she was sure he had some intense look on his face. She didn’t even realize Discord cared about the feelings of others, he seemed like a science focused person, who always has something to do according to his agenda. Maybe she’s growing on him as much as he’s growing on him.

Or maybe he’s just bored, it was impossible to tell with him.

“I’m not avoiding her Discord, I’m just...I need to think about a lot of things, to decide what I want to do. I don’t want to say the wrong thing to her, it’s just not the right time. I appreciate the advice, thank you.”

Pinkamena didn’t say anything else, leaving the room and leaving Discord by himself. He stared at the spot she was at, before giving a disapproving grunt and looking back at his phone, sipping from his can.

“‘It’s not the right time?’ That’s what they always say.”

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

She was actually a bit surprised there were private showers at all, she had expected a place this big with this many people would have one entire section dedicated to hygiene related stuff, or maybe even two sections. Now that she thought about it, private showers did make some sense. If the leader and members of The Council got their own offices, their own bathrooms wouldn’t be weird. That just meant that she would have had her own private bathroom somewhere near her office, that was something she’d have to find later.

The private shower she was at right now was certainly Discord’s, and the reason it wasn’t in his office itself was probably because he needed the space. The door blended almost perfectly into the brown walls, only noticeable by the white doorknob. She was a bit hesitant in entering, since it belonged to Discord, she was sure the inside was going to have some bizarre design.

That wasn’t the case, however. While the room was small, just barely big to have everything a bathroom would need, it had a normal design. The roof and wall were made out of white tiles, the entire floor was covered in a similarly white rug, and it all was kept incredibly clean, almost sparkling. To her left was a porcelain toilet with a toilet roll holder built in the wall, across from that was a porcelain sink with a small mirror above it. The back of the room was where the actual shower was, about as big as a bathtub with a bright blue shower curtain.

“This is...surprisingly nice, much nicer than any bathroom I’ve ever been in.” Pinkamena said as she looked around, noticing there was a towel rack in between the shower and the toilet.

She began taking off her clothes, neatly folding them and putting them into a pile on the ground. After a minute or so she was completely naked, with the exception of the silver necklace around her neck, the gold heart shaped pendant with the red jewel in the center still being the cleanest part. She held the pendant in her hand, feeling hesitant about taking it off. Ever since she woke up from that coma, she hasn’t been without the necklace. Not having it with her felt wrong, it was all she had of her sisters, losing it would be...painful.

*This...doesn’t need to go with the clothes, I can clean it myself.*

Pinkamena picked up the pile of clothes, opening the door slightly and placing them outside, shutting and locking the door behind her. She walked over to the sink, taking off the necklace and turning the handle to start washing it. Since she always wore it under so many layers of clothing, it barely had anything on it that needed to be cleaned, but taking care of it helped soothe her. She also noticed the distinct rust on some parts of the silver chain from when it was in the woods, but she couldn’t get rid of that without significantly more effort and some baking soda.

When she was done cleaning the necklace, she set it on the edge of the sink, looking up and seeing her naked reflection in the mirror, something she hadn’t seen in a while. Her body was completely hairless, a preference Blake forced on her daily when he’d shave every inch of her body except for her head, a part of his callous routine. However, that didn’t explain why no hair has grown since, it had to have something to do with being a Chimera.

Her body was still somewhat well toned and muscular, she had to be to survive those woods. She had an outline of her abs and not a lot of fat on her body, though she was still more voluptuous than a lot of girls her age. Before she changed, her skin was good, but not flawless. She had some acne and stretch marks, but now those were all gone, there was nothing on her skin anywhere thanks to her healing factor. She remembered how upset she got when she learned that her scars were gone, she wanted to keep them as a constant reminder of her hatred for them.

Now she understood how pointless that would have been, the memories were more than enough.

It would also seem Starlight’s theory was right, being naked like this made her feel...very vulnerable. She felt incredibly overwrought, her body shaking slightly and a feeling of disgust building up inside of her. She shook her head as she tried to ignore it, turning to the shower curtain and pulling it aside.

She stepped into the shower, turning the water on as hot as she could, the burning would help her ignore it.

The boiling hot water burned her skin, steam started to cloud up her vision, but the scorching pain helped her ignore the anguish building up inside her. She reached for a soap bar, pressing it against her chest.

Every part of you is perfect, and every part of you belongs to me, don’t you ever forget that.

She flinched as she made contact, reminding her of when Blake would touch her. He was never gentle with her, never even once. His hands were absurdly rough, it felt more like sandpaper than anything else. He always took his time running his hands all over her before he started with his torture, if she were lucky, just touching was all he felt like doing to her.

Pinkamena bit the inside of her cheek, the taste of blood and the pain helped her stop thinking about it. She kept lightly biting as she felt the thick taste of her own blood, she noticed it tasted exactly the same as it smelled, and she wasn’t able to describe it any better. She thoroughly covered every inch of her body with soap, but no matter how much she tried to clean herself, she didn’t feel less dirty.

She spit the blood out of her body as she washed herself, the heat was becoming less of a distraction as she got used to it. She grabbed a bottle of conditioner on a stand inside the shower, which had varying soap bars, shampoo, conditioner, and other stuff. She squirted some of the pink liquid onto her hand, rubbing her hands together and bringing them to her hair. She put it in her hair and felt it run down her face, closing her eyes to prevent any from getting in them.

As soon as she closed her eyes and darkness encompassed her vision, even if just for a second, she felt like she was on that table again. That cold feeling on her back as her naked body was against the table, the straps tying down her hands and ankles so tightly the blood flow was almost completely cut off, her thrashing against them never got her any closer to freeing herself. She could almost taste the wooden mouthpiece, her teeth biting down on it so hard it felt like her teeth would shatter, and that was negligible compared to whatever was being done to her.

She hadn’t even felt when she fell to her knees, she only noticed when she felt the hot water just hitting her back. Her entire body began to shake, despair spreading to the rest of her body like a disease, holding her head with her hands to try to stop thinking.

But she couldn’t, she couldn’t stop thinking about it and she couldn’t forget it. The way his nails would dig into her body deep enough to draw blood, how her tears and her muffled screams just made him happier. His manic laughter as he hurt her, all the promises he made of what he’d do to her, and he carried through on every single one.

The feeling of him...inside her, having his way with her in whatever way he felt like, nothing more than an object to him. Some part of her was glad that Discord made it to where she couldn’t get pregnant, the idea of Blake impregnating her was more terrifying than almost anything else he did to her. Even so, she knew she’d never be able to have sex with a man again, anytime she woulld she’d be reminded of him.

She whimpered like an injured animal as she felt tears run down her face, unable to tell what was her tears and what was water. She sat on her knees in the shower, her hands against her head unable to stop herself from shaking. Her black blood dripped from her mouth as she bit the insides of her cheeks to stop the flashbacks, but that only seemed to make them worse.

She couldn’t take it anymore, she had to admit it, she needed help.

She needed Starlight.