Author's Notes:

TRIGGER WARNING

This chapter was legitimately painful to write. Not because it was hard to write. I wish. No, it was all too easy to type these words.

For anyone who thinks what you are about to read is unrealistic, well, I wrote from my own personal experience. I have written down or otherwise recorded a number of my own psychotic episodes. It is shocking how I was able to go from sounding completely normal and reasonable to absolute insanity in less than a single sentence.

If not for Lyra and Bonnie, Rarity would have found Duskfall singing in a pool of her own blood. Very small comfort, but that's the only thing I can offer right now. This is also the pay off for not Rickrolling at every opportunity. Yay.

I think I might take a few days off from writing. I need to get my head back together. This is, without a doubt, the most fucked up thing I have ever written and I've written some fucked up things. I suddenly feel the need to review my meds with my psychologist.

I planned for this chapter to be dark from the beginning. I didn't expect it to jump headfirst into a goddamn black hole! Fk me. I feel like Hitler now if Hitler knew he was evil.

It had occurred to Rarity that Duskfall had never actually been to the spa. With Spike out with the Crusaders, Moon Dancer off on her vacation, and Luna, Chrysalis, and Harmonia out at the Castle of the Two Sisters talking about possible renovations, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to invite the purple Alicorn to the spa.

Rarity’s first hint that something was off was when, as she entered the castle, she felt something similar to the time she had been near Vinyl’s subwoofers when the DJ had been performing a stress test. Someone was playing something with a heavy bass and the only one who that could be was Duskfall.

As Rarity got closer to the source, she could start making out a beat and rhythm. It was not unlike that one song about being an animal Tom had shown off. Why would Duskfall be listening to such depressing music?

Rarity was standing outside the door that had to be where Duskfall was. The bass was shaking her bones and just under the music and vocals she could just barely pick out Duskfall singing. Curiosity bid Rarity to enter the room.

“…I’m radioactive, radioactive!” Duskfall was facing away from the door and didn’t notice Rarity come in. Duskfall took a second to catch her breath before lighting her horn and a new song started to play.

Where the last song had been heavy on the bass, this song was almost gentle and the lyrics soon gave a reason as to why. It was bad enough that the song was about heartbreak and suicide, but hearing Duskfall sing alongside it as if her own heart had shattered…it was almost too much for Rarity to bear.

Before Rarity could try to interrupt Duskfall, the Alicorn had started another song and soon Rarity was captivated by this one as well. The music started out as a purely piano piece, then the lyrics started and Rarity’s heart nearly stopped. It was almost as if someone had made a song specifically for Duskfall. A small part of Rarity had been suspicious of Duskfall’s seeming acceptance of everything that had happened, but hearing the Alicorn lay her soul bare with this song confirmed her fears in the worst possible way.

The end of one song led directly into another, keeping Rarity spellbound. This one had a lot more bass to it than the last song, but it was smoother and accompanied by strong drums. “I’m just an empty shell, another’s friend, transformed to someone else” Rarity shivered as she heard those words. It was like some kind of sick cosmic joke. Words to express Duskfall’s feelings almost perfectly, if her passionate singing was anything to go by, woven into different songs from Tom’s world. The song came to a close.

“FUCK!” Duskfall angrily stamped one of her forelegs before starting up yet another song. It was instantly much angrier sounding than the sorrow of the last three. Duskfall wasn’t so much singing these lyrics as screaming them, which Rarity found oddly appropriate.

Rarity knew she had to do something, but what? Stop Duskfall? She wasn’t hurting herself…yet. Go get the others? Just slip away like a thief in the night? Her indecision paralyzed her as Duskfall started up the next song.

This new song started with what sounded like violins to Rarity’s admittedly untrained ears before moving into electric guitars and drums. It sounded like a song about desperately missing a loved one, but it was all too easy to realize who Duskfall was singing that song for. A desire to comfort Dusk was making itself known in Rarity’s bosom. Duskfall started the next song as the current one died.

Somber piano and haunting vocals characterized this song. Every word was lovingly, slowly expressed. Duskfall would know all about telling the easy lie of “I’m alright” even when she was a shattered mess. Rarity couldn’t believe how blind she had been. Why had it taken her until now to realize how much pain the Alicorn was in? Rarity beat herself up with recriminations as Duskfall started her next song.

This song hit Rarity the hardest. This wasn’t just a song about suicide. This was a song about the singer themselves committing suicide. Rarity saw the teardrops hitting the floor even as Duskfall poured everything she was into her singing. Terror unlike anything she had ever known shot through Rarity. If this song reflected even slightly on Duskfall’s true feelings… even the triumphant ending took on a dark tone when Duskfall sang it.

“Oh, Duskfall,” The Alicorn spun violently and Rarity barely caught the look of absolute panic on Duskfall’s face before she teleported away.

It was just another boring day of officiating the Day Court. The Gala had been fun, but now it was back to the regular and tiresome grind of the day to day running of government. Celestia found herself wishing for a little excitement. Her wish was seemingly answered as a scroll from Spike appeared before her. At the very least a missive from Ponyville would be worth a few minutes of decent distraction.

As Celestia read the letter she immediately regretted her cavalier attitude. Rarity had found Duskfall singing about suicide. Now she was missing. They had turned all of Ponyville upside down but hadn’t found a single trace of her.

“Raven!”

“Yes, your Highness?” Raven responded.

“Cancel everything! Duskfall has gone missing and…she’s strongly suspected to be a suicide risk. I can’t lose her too!” Without waiting for a response, Celestia teleported away.

Raven didn’t know where her princess had vanished to, but as she set about letting the proper parties about the sudden emergency, her own thoughts were awash in worry for the youngest Alicorn. Raven had been serving the Princess since she had been old enough to take care of the duties required of her. That meant she had watched both Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle become Princess Celestia’s personal students. She had been the one to watch over Twilight on those rough days where bullies had been picking on her and Celestia had been unavailable for one reason or another.

With the weight of her experience behind her, Raven made her way up to the tallest tower of Canterlot Castle. What most referred to as ‘the Attic’ had been untouched for centuries... except by one young filly that needed a safe space away from prying eyes.

Twilight Sparkle was only part of who Duskfall was. There was no guarantee she would be there. Yet as Raven climbed the long staircase she knew that there was no harm in checking. Her diligence was rewarded as she heard the sounds of a living pony drifting to her ears as she opened the trap door leading to the Attic.

Exactly where they had been left, a crying Alicorn was wrapped in Twilight’s old security blanket and clutching a doll like a drowning mare held onto a life preserver. Duskfall was clearly trying to hold in howls of pain and sorrow but was only partly successful. Choked sobs and gasps escaped her lips as tears streamed from her firmly shut eyes.

Raven was rather uncomfortably reminded of a young filly from near the beginning of her tenure. It had come to light that her father had regularly beat her. One of the triggers for those beatings had been the little filly screaming and crying with night terrors. So she had simply learned to weep in silence. The only reason Raven knew that was because she had found the filly in the midst of a night terror the day after her rescue from her abusive father. To this day thinking about it made Raven’s blood boil.

Raven lay down next to Duskfall. The Alicorn’s eyes snapped open as she registered Raven’s presence.

“Raven…Raven…” Duskfall sounded so lost. Those were the only coherent words Dusk spoke as she let out a wail of anguish. Duskfall scooted closer to Raven, planted her face in Raven’s mane, and started sobbing her heart out in earnest.

Time ceased to matter. The only thing that mattered was Raven offering what little emotional support she could to Duskfall.

“I want to die!” Duskfall screamed, “But I can’t because if I die then Tom and Twilight go with me! But it hurts so much Raven! I shouldn’t exist and every second I do is agony! I just want to die! Please, someone, anyone, bring them back so I can die in peace. I don’t care anymore. Just end my suffering. No one would miss me. I’m just an imposter wearing Twilight’s face. They’ll be happier if I’m gone! They wouldn’t have to see me wearing their dead friend’s flesh and using her voice! Yes! Twilight is dead and this BITCH IS JUST PRETENDING TO BE HER! Just let me go quietly into the night. Rarity already saw a glimpse of the true me…I’m sure she was disgusted. I’m just filth, a parasite who stole two good lives. I’m so tired Raven. I’ve been lying to everyone. I can’t do it anymore. Kill me. Failing that, just bury me alive. I wonder how it would feel to suffocate to death over and over and over? It’s no more than trash like me deserves. Oh! I could offer myself to Twilight and Tom’s friends! Let them kill me as many times and in as many ways as they like! Yes! It’s the only way to make amends! Rainbow had a rough day of Wonderbolts training? I’ll let her slit my throat and watch as I drown in my own blood! HAHAHA! Fluttershy wants to treat someone else like a doormat for a change? She can hate fuck me and then choke me to death before feeding me to her animals and then burying me alive in her backyard for a few days or until someone else wants to use me! Don’t you see Raven? I can’t bring Tom and Twilight back and I don’t know how to kill myself yet, so the least I can do is be a toy they can break as many times as they want!”

Raven could do nothing more than listen in shocked silence as Duskfall almost lovingly described all the ways she could be killed and otherwise used. Caving in her skull, poison, ripping out her still beating heart, becoming the town’s cum dump that could be fucked as roughly as they desired and never worrying about going too far with her because she could simply come back for more! Was she orgasming just from talking about it?! This wasn’t Twilight just flirting with madness, this was true insanity.

“Hey Raven, wanna be the first to kill me?" Duskfall asked in a darkly seductive voice, "Celestia wasn’t really clear with Twilight on how long it would take to revive. Wanna find out together? We’re all alone and I don’t think anyone else would look for me here. Just a simple overcharged bolt of magic and my head will explode in a beautiful gory mess and you’ll be the only other pony to know you took my death virginity~!”

Despite never teleporting before in her life, Raven Inkwell managed to do so just to escape the insane mare. Reappearing in an empty hall in the west wing, Raven started trembling violently with too many emotions to name. Still, she had a job to do. She had to tell Celestia. Celestia was the only one who had any hope of getting through to Duskfall now.

“Oh, Hi Celestia! Do you want to kill me? I’m sure you have some pent up anger over how I’m parading around in your daughter’s skin like I own it! I asked Raven if she wanted to kill me, but she teleported away and I didn’t know she could do that! I mean, I could just throw myself off a tower or something, but I want someone else to kill me the first time. Make it special, you know?” Celestia had hoped Raven was exaggerating. It was clear she hadn’t. Celestia could see a fire of manic madness in Duskfall’s eyes that put even Discord at his worst to shame.

“Duskfall, you’re not in your right mind. Come with me and we can get you help,” Celestia said gently but firmly.

“Help?! Why would I need help?! I finally figured out how I can be useful! I’ve never been happier! If you won’t kill me, I’ll find someone else who will. Maybe I can convince Trixie to light a firework in my mouth? Oh! I bet I could find a dragon to eat me! I wonder how being digested would feel?” Duskfall rambled happily. She shivered with pleasure at the thought.

“You are coming with me. This is not up for debate,” Duskfall’s smile just grew wider.

“You can’t stop me. Tom was able to melt the null magic ring. Everything Tom and Twilight were capable of, I can do too. Sure, you could beat me into submission; maybe even accidentally kill me once or twice if we're lucky. But how long would you be able to keep it up? Days? Months? Years? I will fulfill my purpose. I have all of eternity. You’ll see I’m right sooner or later. Eventually you’ll get so fed up with dealing with me that you’ll relish killing me and everyone will be happier for it. So, you can either give into the inevitable now or drag it out for a little while. The end is the same. I will become a fuck toy/stress ball for all of Equuis. Even if the idea of being your eternal sex slave and stress reliever is appealing, I have to make myself available for the masses. Maybe one day I’ll even figure out how to kill myself permanently. Well, I probably won’t look too hard for that option. After all, I wouldn’t want to deprive everyone of my unique disposition just because I was being a bit selfish,” It was horrifying just how…logical Duskfall sounded about the whole thing. If Celestia hadn’t heard the words, she’d have thought Duskfall was talking about tax reform or something from her tone.

Celestia quickly fired off the strongest stunning spell she knew and Duskfall flopped lifelessly to the floor. She had to have known it was coming, yet Duskfall hadn’t resisted. She had been so sure she was right in her madness she hadn’t seen a point in resisting at that moment. For the second time, Celestia wept freely over Duskfall’s body.