#7 - Griffin The Griffin

“You know, it feels pretty good to finally be home,” Dave sighed, reclining on Puppy Love’s mane. He had a small tanning mirror clenched in his insect hands, and a wide-brimmed (at least for a cricket) sunhat perched on his head.

Normally, Pup would flick her mane forward, just to catch the sprite off guard, but she was too happy. It wasn’t everyday that her work allowed her to stay close to home. In fact, she actually thought that her sources had been wrong about this particular target; why would someone that famous, that important, be in Ponyville? It was a relatively known fact that he seemed to be dodging the press at all turns...

It was unmistakable though. Her unexplainable ability to track down her target had led her to this, her home...

“Are we lost again?” Dave asked.

“No!” Pup huffed indignantly. “We are NOT lost...we’re just distracted by the two-for-one sale on cherries!”

OIOIOIOIOIOIO

After a few hours of grocery shopping (with an entire hour of that being nothing but Dave complaining), Puppy finally packed away the last of her food into her home, and soared back into town, her keen eyes scanning the -

“THERE HE IS!” the sprite shouted from atop his perch. “ON THE BENCH!”

“You don’t have to yell...” she muttered.

She soared to the ground, and landed infront of the most (in)famous figure in Equestria...

The Pegasus hesitated though. Was this really him? He seemed to be missing a wing...

“Um...are you Griffin?” she asked, a little unsure of herself.

“Yeah,” he answered. “I am.”

Well, good enough for her!

“Hi...My name is Puppy Love, and this is Dave,” she said, introducing herself and her spritely companion. “Do you mind if I interview you for the Ponyville Inquirer?”

"Yeah, sure. I've been dodging the press long enough. Might as well get the full story out there."

INTERVIEW

“So, what is your name?”

“Griffin... the griffin.”

“Creative name.”

“My real name, before I came here, was Griffin. I don’t see any reason to change it just because it’s ironic.”

“Ah, so you’re an alien as well? Does that mean you were sent here by a God too?”

“A god, maybe, or maybe a lesser spirit, or maybe discord, or maybe I’m just crazy and this is all in my head. I really hope it’s not the last one.”

“Me too. Otherwise, that means I don’t exist, and I’ve wasted all this time interviewing ‘aliens’, when I could’ve been home, pretending that I do exist.”

“Finally! A pony with a sense of humor! Do you have any idea, any idea at all how many crazies are out there? Myself included. Every other human I’ve met up till to this point has had some form of mental issue. And not just humans, the ponies too. This entire world is crazy.”

“You learn to get used to it. Especially when the first alien you interview is a talking house cat in a suit. Implied hallucinations aside, let’s get back to the interview. So, you’re a pirate then?”

“Yeah, but not a very good one. I’ve done surprisingly little raiding and pillaging, and a great deal of freeing slaves. I guess pirate is my official title, but I think revolutionary is more accurate. And knight, if Celestia is to be believed.”

“I remember reading about that...Why did you shout that she was, ‘Best pony’?”

Griffin facepalmed. “Damn it Knightmare...... That bastard changeling posed as me. I never even went out on the stage. In my world, he was a ‘Celestia fanboy’. That, and he lives to ruin my image.”

“I’d say he didn’t do much to ruin it. Almost every other journalist I’ve met would give their left wing to get a chance to talk to you. After all, you’re arguably one of the most influential people in Equestria! Is it true that you defeated sixty dragons single handedly?” He began laughing one of those hearty laughs, like he knew something the rest of the world didn’t.

“Not sixty, six. And I had a barrage of cannon fire from my ship, AND a unicorn making me invisible as well as giving other support. Also, that joke was in poor taste. I love it.”

“I regret nothing. What about that unicorn, though? Is she your first mate, or something?”

“Nah, that’s Gilda. Trixie is my rider. Now, before you say anything, yes, I know most ponies find it weird to be ridden around. I really don’t mind. To me, it just feels..... right. I’ve even thought about giving earth ponies and unicorns ‘griffin rides’. But, we make a pretty effective fighting team. We even managed to beat up Octavia when she was possessed by the same spirit behind Nightmare Moon.”

“Wow...did that happen at the Gala? They didn’t release much details to the press.”

“Yeah... a lot of stuff happened. A lot of stuff involving a vault filled with the most dangerous objects in existence, which a certain dragon accidentally opened during their brawl with Luna. The same dragon that did.... this.” I motioned to my stump. “I still got out alive, so I have to say it’s not so bad.”

“Ouch...Well, that only adds to your reputation then. So...why DID you become a pirate in the first place? That really raised a few eyebrows all over Equestria.”

“Honestly? No idea. Kind of a spur of the moment thing. Mostly because we break rules and get away with it, and have a ship, and being a pirate sounds more fun.”

“If it works, I guess I can’t fault you on it. Is it also true that you’re trying to rebuild the Griffin Dominion?”

“Not rebuild so much as restart. It’s not even going to be a dominion. More like a republic. The only reason I’m using the name is because the griffins fondly remember the old monarchy, and it stirs up a fire in their hearts. I’m not looking to get back to what it was before, I want to make it better.”

“That’s certainly an admirable goal...would that make you a Pirate King, then? Or are you King of the Pirates? Or both?”

“Don’t make me make a One Piece reference. Considering we’re the ONLY pirates... and I officially gave Gilda command while I’m on the mend, for the moment, she’s the queen of the pirates.”

“I’m going to guess that One Piece is an alien thing. So, that being said, how have you taken to Equestria?”

“Not very well. In case you haven’t noticed.... most ponies are pretty racist. First time I came to Ponyville, I couldn’t even do groceries. Everyone kept looking at me like I was going to rob them or something. And this was before I started calling myself a pirate.”

“Ah...I’m sorry to hear that. If it’s any consolation, I’ll do my best to keep this interview as unbiased as possible. Now then...with everything you’ve said, I’m pretty sure everyone wants to know: Why are you doing all of this?”

“Well.. I don’t know if it’s been explained before, but we humans have been watching this world for some time. Ever since the nightmare moon incident. We’ve seen it, and, compared to our world, this one is a paradise. Well, we thought it was. We only saw Equestria. When I saw how messed up the rest of the world was, I had to do something. I mean, I couldn’t just sit there anymore. I may have been helpless where I came from, but here, I can DO something. So, I tried, and surprisingly, it’s working. There have been a few setbacks, but nothing that can’t be recovered from.”

“That’s...well, that’s a good thing. I’m not sure how everypony will react to knowing they’ve been watched, but if it means that you’ve been able to make this place any better, then it’s a good thing. So, what are your goals for the future?”

“Get healed, get my robot wing, and get back to freeing slaves and setting up more islands. After this last batch we liberated, we’re gonna be running out of room on Signal, and we should probably start setting up on some other islands. Keep the settlements small. That way, if disaster strikes, it’s easier to handle.”

“That definitely sounds like a good plan. Anything you’d like to say to the readers at home?”

“Nah. Can’t think of anything that isn’t cliché.”

“So, that’s about it. Anything else?” Griffin asked.

“No, I think that’s good. Thank you for your time,” Pup answered happily, ecstatic that she had finally interviewed him. She had to have been the first successful journalist to secure an exclusive with Equestria’s most famous pirate! Nopony could top that!

As she started to walk away, she heard Griffin say, “Oh, hey, wait!”

“Hmm?” the journalist turned back for a moment.

“Of all those 'humans' out there that you've found, have you ever actually seen what a human looks like?” he asked her.

“Well, no...” Puppy admitted.

“Then how do you know it's real, and that we're not just crazy?"

Puppy was ready for this one. “"There's way too many for it to be an isolated incident, and for so many to show up with the SAME craziness, it's too convenient.” She paused, before adding somewhat reluctantly, “Still, I don't actually have any solid PROOF, just a theory without any holes in it...."

“What if I told you I could give you that proof?”

“Oh?” Puppy asked, intrigued. “How?”

“Well, by turning human,” he said, matter-of-factly, as if he were just saying that the sky was cloudy.

“You can do that?” she nearly shouted in her excitement.

“Yeah. Watch.”

The griffin reached for a medallion that had been hanging around his neck, and muttered something underneath his breath. Suddenly, his body began to transform right before the stunned equine’s eyes. His feathers disappeared, strange clothes adorned his now bipedal figure, and a pair of thick sunglasses were placed on his eyes.

The best word to describe Puppy Love at that exact moment: Ecstatic. She was so amazed, that she nearly missed the figure’s next words, which only served to excite her even further.

“Well? You gonna get a picture or what?”

Puppy shook herself out of her stupor, and stuttered out, “Oh! Right! Okay, let me just set up the equipment...”

A few minutes later, she had set up the camera stand, camera, flash-bulb, and everything required to get a picture with Griffin. Once she had positioned everything around him just right, she placed herself underneath his hand, a wild smile plastered onto her face.

“Okay so, just put your hand on my head so everypony can see how tall you really are, and I'll set off the camera from here. I'm in the photo so they'll be able to tell it's real,” she explained, barely able to contain herself.

Dave jumped on the camera a few times, making sure to get the perfect picture.

“Alright, done,” Puppy smiled. “Thanks again!”

“No problem.”

Curious, Pup worked up the courage to ask the pirate, “Um... if you don't mind me asking.... why are you wearing sunglasses?”

“Well, that would be...” he turned and stared at a spot slightly to her left, “because I have no eyes.”

He removed his glasses to reveal a pair of empty sockets, sending chills down Puppy’s spine. Dave resisted the urge to vomit into Puppy’s mane.

“Okay, creepiness aside, that's good,” Puppy said in an attempt to steer the conversation away from that topic. “Certifiable proof of aliens in Equestria! I'm gonna be famous! I mean, you already told the princesses, and a bunch of other ponies, but I'm the first one to actually get a picture of a human!”

She clapped her hooves together in happiness, completely forgetting the disturbing image of the eyeless human. Griffin changed back into his...erm, griffin form, much to the shock of a passing foal. Said foal stared gapingly at the pirate, a look of palpable fear on her face.

“Standing there with your mouth open is unbecoming of a lady,” Griffin dryly commeted, before poking the foal’s head.

“Aaaaaand she's gone. Might want to get her home... or something,” he sighed.

“Yeah...” she agreed, before adding, “By the way... your hands are...” Puppy blushed visibly. “Really nice...They feel good.... in the mane...”

“Okay then? I'm just gonna go now. See ya around....maybe...”

With that, Puppy picked up the small foal, and trotted into town. She wouldn’t feel right, just leaving this foal to...

“Wait, isn’t this Diamond Tiara?” Dave asked, recognizing the foal. “Didn’t she write those awful Gossip Stories?”

“She forced them to write them...but I DO remember her pestering me to review her writing, and she got mad at us for saying she was horrible?”

Puppy placed the foal in a nearby garbage can, and trotted away happily.

Griffin is from BlackWing's story, "Griffin the Griffin"

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