I got the call from Frank around ten that night after a long day of pacing my apartment, smoking way too much. I nearly jumped out of my skin when my phone vibrated. “Hello?”

“Meet me downstairs.”

I grabbed my jacket, flew down the stairs, in and out of the lobby without so much as a hello to Star. Frank was waiting on the sidewalk.

“One in the bag, kid. Done and dusted.”

I heaved a sigh as we started walking. “Yeah, I thought as much, what’s next? You guys didn’t?” I let it hang for a second.

Frank caught on and looked almost angry. “What? Kill her? Give me some credit. We rolled her up and shook her; now we tug on some threads, as far as the rest? She’s going to cooperate, didn’t give her much of choice.”

I realized I was shaking, whether, with anger, sadness, or relief, I couldn’t tell. I stayed like that for a second until Frank grabbed my shoulder. “Hey Zack, listen, it wasn’t your fault, the chick pulled out all the stops, and you’re not the first or the last guy who’s gonna fall for a cute piece of ass.”

I dug out a smoke, the clinking of the Zippo, the only sound on the street for blocks. “Yeah, but I know better Frank, I let myself get sucked in by that act. Worst part? I thought it was the start of something.” I trailed off, embarrassment suddenly front and center.

Frank winced a little, “Yeah, I’m sorry kid, I know how isolated you’ve been over at State, plus, you know, everything else.

“Yeah, enough of this self-pity bullshit, anything I need to be on the lookout for?”

He looked like he was about to say something else but just shook his head at my expression. “No, nothing outside the usual. Just follow the rules, alright?”

I nodded, the rules, sure. “I’ll be okay, Frank, just pissed, ashamed, and more than a little sad. All that aside, I’ve gotta get some sleep, reset the schedule before I start for Celestia on Monday.” Frank looked like he had more to add, but I cut him off, “I’m fine, brother, really, just got my bell rang, and now I’ve gotta work through it.”

He nodded, “Alright, kid, go home, get some rest, and I’ll call you if I have anything else. Good luck on Monday, yeah?”

“Thanks, man, safe home.”

Thirty minutes and a minor dry-cleaning run to make sure I wasn’t being followed later, I collapsed on my couch with my bag of shitty takeout—nothing to do but eat and try to sleep. Monday would tell the tale. I finished dinner and wandered into my room, pulling back the covers I was greeted with one of Daisy’s earrings, finding that little diamond was like a punch to the chest, I sniffed a bit as I sat on the edge of the bed. I’d only known her for a few days, but she made an impression, I’m sure my shrink would have something to say about my ability to get too attached too quickly, I threw the earring in my nightstand, resolving to get rid of the fucking thing as soon as I could, and laid down to try and sleep.

Sunday was a whole lot of nothing, watching TV mostly, the border region was front and center again, some joint military exercise or another, I couldn’t summon the urge to give a shit. Before I knew it, Midnight had rolled around, so much for setting my clock back. I walked off to bed, and after a few hours of trying, sleep finally found me. I woke up, showered, shaved, and headed out, giving the nod to the same Unicorn mare from the other night as I made my way through the lobby. I checked my watch, still had plenty of time, so I grabbed a cup of coffee, the place populated by bleary-eyed commuters on their way to work. I made the call right there in line that I was done being a miserable prick, today was the start of something new, and I was going to shake Daisy off and embrace it.

The rest of the walk was uneventful as I juggled a donut and my coffee. The same Earth Pony Corporal was operating the gate. I flashed him my credentials, and he opened the gate,” Thanks, Corporal, have a good one.”

He smiled, breaking his stoic bearing for a moment, “You too, Mr. Andrews.”

I walked into the main hall with some time to spare, where the place had been empty last time, now it pulsed with activity, Ponies running to and fro, hurrying to meetings or to deliver documents. Life in the seat of government, I suppose. I made my way up the winding marble staircase. To Celestia’s office door, her secretary’s office right next to hers, The small room was in the throes of organized chaos as the mare in question scribbled on one document or another. I cleared my throat as I approached; she didn’t seem to notice.

“Hello? Miss?”

She was so engrossed in the paperwork that she started at the sound of my voice. “Goodness! Give a mare a heart attack, why don’t you?”

I held up the hand that was unoccupied with coffee by way of an apology.

She gave me a small smile, “No permanent damage, I suppose. You must be Mr. Andrews. You may call me Raven; I’m Princess Celestia’s assistant. I imagine that means we’ll be working together from now on.” She stood and offered a hand, “A pleasure to meet you.”

I shook her outstretched hand, “Call me, Zack, pleasure’s all mine, Raven.” She reminded me of a librarian; her mane was pulled up into a bun, brown eyes shone with intelligence behind her half-moon glasses, offsetting her severe grey business suit. I liked her already.

“The Princess is expecting you, head on in, and I’ll be along once I finish this mess.” She said, waving a hand at the stack of paperwork, “Griffon Ambassador is supposed to arrive later today so we may be running ragged.”

I nodded, “Thanks for the tip; good luck.” With that, I ditched my empty cup and forged ahead, knocking on the massive oak doors. Deja vu all over again.

“Come in!” Came Celestia’s voice from somewhere inside. I pushed the door open and was greeted by the same beautiful room, Celestia was standing behind her desk, smiling as I entered. “Good Morning Mr. Andrews, how are you?”

I tried my best to return her smile; I wasn’t about to let on that I was still suffering. “I’m well Highness, thank you, and yourself?”

“The same thankfully, I appreciate you being early, there are a few things I need to go over with you before we begin the day properly.”

“I’m all ears, Princess.”

“Firstly, there is to be a meeting between myself, Princess Luna, and the Griffon Ambassador, I would request your presence there for at least the first half as the topic of economics will be center stage, and I would like you to have some manner of firsthand knowledge of how our processes differ from Human norms. If there is to be any discussion of material that would be considered sensitive, I will ask you to leave. This is not because I don’t trust you, but to avoid any appearance of impropriety and “taking sides," as it were.”

I nodded, “Of course, Princess.”

She gave me a smile, “I knew you would understand, but I felt the need to state my expectations clearly, wouldn’t want to get off on the wrong hoof, or foot as the case may be. Secondly, you will be working with Raven to check the language of several trade agreements your government has sent over, per our agreement.”

“Sounds fairly standard Princess, Raven seems like a wholly capable mare; I’m sure that she and I will get a lot accomplished.”

Celestia seemed pleased to hear it, “I have no doubt you are both highly-capable and driven. Finally, I would ask that you drop the formalities when we are behind closed doors; it honestly makes me feel old.” She chuckled,” You may call me Celestia, and I will call you Zack if you are amenable.
First name basis with a Goddess? A weird week already. “Of course High- I mean Celestia, I see no point in being formal if you wish otherwise. In my experience and I’m sure yours as well, things tend to flow better if everyone feels comfortable.”

She beamed, clapping her hands together, “Wonderful! Now that we have the important issues sorted, my first official order as your new boss is to head out the door and help Raven with that absolute mountain of paperwork she has poor dear, is going to make herself sick if she doesn’t take a break now and again. I will call you both when the meeting is to commence.”

I smiled, “Will do Prin- Celestia. Sorry, that’s going to take some getting used to.”She smiled and waved her hand, the message was clear, all good. “I’ll await your word.” I turned on my heel and walked back out the door to where the beleaguered Raven was furiously signing documents, rolling up my sleeves as I approached. “Need a hand?”

Raven looked up at me like I’d handed her the meaning of life.

A few hours and dozens of trade documents later, we had finally reduced the mountain to more of a small ridgeline. Raven leaned back in her chair, stretching. “Sweet Maker, that would’ve taken me days on my own thank you.”

I smiled, mirroring the mare’s movements, stretching until I felt a pop, “No problem Raven, just doing the job.”

She smiled warmly. “Still, you might’ve just saved years of my life.”

I chuckled and was about to reply when the temperature dropped a few degrees; I turned at the sound of hoof steps on the tile behind me. A dark blue mare was coming down the hallway, her long confident strides eating up huge chunks of real estate, she was easily taller than me by a few inches and flanked by two Bat-Pony Guards dressed in blue armor.

Princess Luna. Model beautiful and supremely intimidating, she had an air around her that you never really got used to, a side effect of spending a thousand years on the Moon. I’d only ever seen her a handful of times, but she seemed as distant as her namesake. I stood and bowed as she neared the door, Raven following suit “Your Highness.”

She stopped and barely inclined her head as her eyes swept over me, “You must be the Human, Sister has told us about, We are pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“I am honored, Princess; I look forward to working with the Crown in any way I am needed.”

She nodded, that severe expression not leaving her face for a second, “We trust that your efforts will not be a hindrance.” The implication in her icy words was clear.

Don’t fuck with me.

“No, Highness.”

“Very well, then, carry on.” Without so much as a look back, she disappeared into Celestia’s office. After a few seconds Raven found her voice.

“She’s so intense.”

I looked over her; she looked more than a little pale. “You would know better than me. I suppose. I like her; you can tell she doesn’t have time for bullshit.”

Raven giggled, lightening up little, “Yeah, she still scares me.”

“Fair point, Lunch?”

“Absolutely, let me check in with the Princess, and I’ll show you the cafe.”

A few minutes later, Raven and I wandered into the small eatery in the main hall. The place was packed with Ponies taking a break from the rat-race. I ended up with grilled cheese and some fries, Raven opting for a daisy sandwich. I’d had to fight off a wave of, something, when she’d ordered. We’d found a booth near the door and ate in comfortable silence for a bit. I was munching on some fries when Raven spoke.

“So, this must all be pretty new. Huh?”

I swallowed, “Well yes and no, working for State has put me in the room with a lot of powerful people. That said, I’ll never get over how amazing Equestria is.”

“You like it here that much?”

“Love it, what passes for fiction on Earth is a reality here, who wouldn’t be taken in by it?” I gestured around the room with a fry for emphasis.

She nodded, “I see your point, but for Ponies, it’s just the day to day, hard to see the forest for the trees, I suppose.”

“There are so many unanswered questions, so much out there to explore. If we don’t stop talking about it, I may quit my job, grab a bag, bail over the wall, and become a wandering adventurer.”

Raven giggled, “Dominator of Admin and Master of Hyperbole? Is there anything you can’t do?”

I laughed along, “Hyperbole, but only barely, besides which, I couldn’t leave you high and dry after a few hours on the job.”

“A fact that I’m eternally grateful for, oh, looks like our cue.” She finished, jerking her head over my shoulder, I followed her gaze and spotted a Sun Guard, we made eye contact, and he gestured for us to follow. I ditched our trays, and Raven followed our escort out the door; I trailed close behind. Upon entering Celestia’s study, I noticed a few things. The Princess’s cheerful demeanor was gone, replaced by the immortal ruler we’d all seen on TV. Secondly, and perhaps the most concerning, she looked nervous, it was very slight, but it was there in the agitated way her wings fluttered imperceptibly, the small crease in between her eyes. Luna stood across the room with her back to us, hands clasped behind her, staring out the window into the valley beyond. I waited for a beat, but I knew when to keep my mouth shut, and when to speak.

“Princess?”

Celestia’s head snapped around, and for a moment I was worried I’d overstepped my bounds. But I forged ahead, “Highness, forgive me, but you seem troubled.”

Luna had spun at the sound of my voice; now, she looked positively murderous. “You dare?”

But Celestia raised her hand, “It is alright Luna, he meant no harm in asking, and no offense was taken. You are very astute Zack, and I find myself wondering about something that perhaps you, as a Human, can clarify?” Luna still looked ready to bust across the room and take my head off.

I nodded, “It’s why you hired me, Your Highness.”

“I received word that along with the Griffon Ambassador and his usual escort, there would be several humans accompanying him. Advisors, much the same way you are to me.”

I felt a little sick, I knew the answer, but I had to ask. “And is there any information on where they are from? Who might they be?”

Celestia nodded, “They are from the Russian Federation and the People’s Republic of China, respectively. Can you think of any reason for their presence?”

To let you know what time it is.

“I could only guess Highness; The Griffons may be trying to show off their new connections to Equestria, letting you know that they have the backing of Human nations the same as you do.”

She paused for a moment, looking thoughtful, “I had arrived at the same conclusion, but thank you for confirming it. Your presence at this meeting may be more vital now than ever.”

“Lead the way, Your Highness.”

A few minutes later, Raven and I were situated in the main conference room, Celestia and Luna had gone ahead to welcome the Ambassador and his entourage, so it fell to the two of us to prepare the necessary paperwork at every seat. We worked in silence, quickly and efficiently, until the door opened, and the Sisters entered, followed by a dark-colored Griffon that could only be the Ambassador himself. He cut an imposing figure in a dark blue military dress uniform accented with a red sash; physically he was huge, a full foot taller than me and broad at the shoulder, the guy looked as though he could eat a freight train and ask for seconds. Following behind were two equally huge Guards and a pair of humans, one was an older Russian, his dark hair graying at the temples, heavy brow framing grey eyes and a hooked nose. The other was a somewhat slight Chinese man wearing glasses; his black hair combed back, I pegged him at early thirties. They both looked a little shocked to see me standing there.

SVR and MSS have entered the group chat.

Howdy boys

Celestia waved her hand at Raven and I. “Ambassador Greyfeather; I believe you’ve met my assistant Raven, this is Zack Andrews, a representative from the United States Government and my newly appointed Special Envoy.”

The Ambassador inclined his head my way, the barest showing of acknowledgment. When he spoke, his deep voice was clear, but there was an undercurrent of something there. “Mr. Andrews, glad to have you with us. I wonder what business the United States has arranging an envoy to be present at a diplomatic meeting that is none of their concern.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but Celestia beat me to the punch, “And I wonder, Ambassador, why the Griffon Empire has chosen to involve the Russian and Chinese governments in the same meeting and for the very same reason.” She said icily.

Nobody breathed for a moment before the Ambassador laughed, “Apologies Princess, a joke made in poor taste. Shall we discuss what we came here for?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Luna relax, barely. Celestia smiled thinly, “Yes, I believe that would be wise.

The meeting passed without much incident, discussions of trade, economic sanctions left over from some long-forgotten conflict that was coming up for expiration. The highlight for me was the “Fuck you” look; I kept getting from the other two humans in the room. We all knew what the score was. The rest of the meeting went through without a hitch, right up until the end.

“Well,” said the Ambassador. “This was a very productive first day Highness; now, I believe my partners have something to add.”

The Russian was clearly in charge on that front, he stood, straightening his somewhat rumpled suit. When he spoke, it was in heavily-accented English. “Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, I thank you for allowing myself and my associate to be a part of these proceedings. I would like to present terms on behalf of the newly formed Russian-Sino Alliance for the Crown’s consideration.” The Chinese dude handed him a stack of papers.

Celestia regarded him for a moment. “Terms? Terms to do with what exactly?”

The Russian smiled, looking for all the world like a Shark chasing a Tuna. “Terms of our prospective alliance, your Majesty, Surely you don’t want your nation to fall into the clutches of the morally corrupt western nations? Capitalism has not worked for them, nor will it work for Equestria.”

“Hm. I don’t believe we’ve been introduced, Mr.?”

“Faddei Ivanov. Highness and my counterpart is Chang Liwei.”

Son of a bitch, I know you.

Again with the thin smile, Celestia looked pissed “Well Mr. Ivanov, Mr. Chang. I believe my sister and I will decide what is best for our people. Leave your proposition, with no expectation of its favorable return. In the future, should your government send emissaries, ask that they be more well mannered than to insult an ally of the Crown.”

The Russian didn’t even flinch, “I meant no offense Highness. My apologies.” He bowed, set the papers down on the table, and made his way back his chair. The Griffon Ambassador was silent, watching the scene with something unreadable in his eyes. Not sure if that made me feel better or worse. I was content to listen to the Russian prick get his ass handed to him, until he leaned over to his partner, whispering something no one else caught, but I sure as hell did.

“Интересно, если эта принцесса сука трахает так же хорошо, как она выглядит?”

The Chinese guy chuckled, but he shut up real quick when I answered, my voice sharp. “Вы хотите сказать это снова?” They both looked at me like I’d grown another head. They weren’t expecting me to understand.

“Is there a problem, Gentlemen?” Celestia’s voice was calm, but a touch reproachful.

I stood and bowed, “Apologies, your highness, just a misunderstanding.”

She nodded crisply as she stood, everyone else in the room following suit. “Very well. With that, I believe our business for the day is concluded. Ambassador, I will see you at our meeting tomorrow. Alone I trust.”

The Ambassador bowed, “As you wish, Highness.”

As we filed out of the room, I stared down Ivanov and Chang, a little impulsive? Definitely, but I wanted them to know that I knew. I’d sure as shit have to call Frank later. The Ambassador and his outfit were escorted up to their rooms, while Celestia, Luna, Raven, and I made our way back down the Solar Corridor in silence flanked by both Solar and Lunar Guards. I waited until Celestia and Luna sat down before taking my own seat, Raven excusing herself to the restroom.

Celestia sat there for what seemed like a few minutes, but was only about thirty seconds or so, before speaking, a smile spreading across her face. “I think that went well.”

Luna snorted. “Verily, Sister? That ape insulted the government of an ally to our faces and barely had the decency to apologize, arrogant cur!” She finished, slamming her fist on the arm of her chair for emphasis.

Celestia favored her sister with a look, “You know as well as I, Luna, that we not only made inroads today that we’ve been working on for years, but we have the measure of the new Human allies of the Empire. They seek to expand their sphere into Equestria, the question now is, how far are they willing to go to accomplish that?”

I watched the exchange with wide eyes. It was apparent that I was seeing something that had been going on for thousands of years. But she hired me to advise when needed, so here goes. “I believe that we have to accept the possibility that there is no distance they wouldn’t cover in pursuit of it, Majesties. Now we have to plan for what we don’t know, and I believe it was a calculated measure.”

Luna perked as I finished speaking, “Spoken like a seasoned tactician, what was it that you do again?”

“Finance, Highness.”

To my surprise, she threw her head back and laughed. “Truly! Ha! Finance is it? If all Human financiers are as savvy as you, we may need a few more running about the castle before the deed is done.”

I chuckled and bowed my head, “High praise, Princess, thank you.”

Celestia watched the whole thing with a grin on her face.

“Я рад, что вы двое ладите.”

I looked at her, shock all over my face. Her grin only got wider.

Author's Notes:

Translations:
1. “Интересно, если эта принцесса сука трахает так же хорошо, как она выглядит?”- I wonder if this bitch fucks as good as she looks.

2. “Вы хотите сказать это снова?”- You want to say that again?

“Я рад, что вы двое ладите.”- I'm glad you two get along

The Rules:
1. Assume nothing.

2. Never go against your gut.

3. Everyone is potentially under opposition control.

4. Do not look back; you are never completely alone.

5. Go with the flow, blend in.

6. Vary your pattern and stay within your cover.

7. Lull them into a sense of complacency.

8. Do not harass the opposition.

9. Pick the time and place for action.

10. Keep your options open.