Five years ago, the world changed forever. Five years ago, the researchers at CERN flipped that big "on" switch and tore open a portal to another world. Humanity was ready for anything. What we got was a race of anthropomorphic equines capable of feats we couldn't imagine, even in our wildest dreams. In the beginning, there were…misunderstandings, like when the USS Bainbridge shot an Equestrian Airship out of the sky, seeing what they perceived to be hostile intent, but was just a celebratory and welcoming fireworks display by their Unicorns, a tradition in Equestria.

I can still remember sitting in front of my TV, watching them pull the survivors from the water. Over time those things faded from memory, the nations of Earth saw an opportunity, as they always had, to increase their influence, and from there, it had been a mad rush to secure a foothold on Equestrian soil. "The Big Four" as they came to be called, Russia, China, Great Britain, and the US, were the first to establish diplomatic outposts that became embassies.

Five years later and the game was still on, each nation jockeying to secure the most lucrative trade agreements and carve out their spheres of influence, the Russians and PRC were courting the Griffon Empire to the East, with their massive and untapped mineral deposits. At the same time, the US and the UK had only a token presence there, choosing to concentrate their efforts in Equestria, with her reserves of precious gems, the magic didn't hurt either. Deals were struck, hands shook, and the new gold rush was on. But in the shadows, something was brewing, something ugly and as old as Humanity itself.

War.

It had been 18 months since I was assigned as a Foreign Service Officer in the office of Economic Growth, working out of our Embassy in Canterlot. The days were long, but the work was incredibly exciting, helping spearhead the US mission in a brand new world was too good of an opportunity to pass up. Even if the Ambassador treated me like his personal errand boy, Ambassador Theodore ("Call me "Ted") Morten was the biggest blowhard jackass I'd ever met in my life, I'd suffered through enough meetings between him and the Princess to know that he was self-serving and disingenuous on his best days. I could tell the Princess saw right through him, which, if the rumors about her age were true, was wholly unsurprising. She'd been at this since the Shang Dynasty was still a thing.

Her Highness was a bit of an enigma, all glorious ruler of the most prosperous nation on this planet one minute, devious comedian the next. The high point of "Ted's" thinly-veiled attempts to ingratiate himself was watching the Princess verbally paint him into a corner and leave the Ambo a sputtering mess. Ha. Fucker.

All of this came to a head one balmy night in August; I was working late, as usual, trying to figure out the minutiae of a deal between HP and the Canterlot City government to furnish their schools with new computers, as well as the IT personnel and instructors to ensure that the kids knew how to take advantage of the tech. The reading was a little heavy, and I felt my eye trying to close more than once, staving off the encroaching exhaustion, I dove back into subsection twelve: rotational schedules for PC chipsets.

It was enough to make a grown man cry. I decided to take a smoke break, checking my reflection in the window on the way to make sure my right eye was still straight, I still hadn't gotten used to the glass, but at least there was something in there that made my face look halfway normal, the eyepatch had been an itchy fucker. Wandering out to the balcony overlooking Canterlot's downtown district, the beauty of this place never ceased to amaze me, with its bustling nightlife and unbelievable architecture. The bar across the street resembled something you'd see in a photo of Paris in the thirties, a cloud of smoke hanging over the patrons, which of a Friday night were a mix of ponies and humans here on diplomatic business, off to one side I could see a man furiously making out with a mare down the alley. Amazing that the whole human pony taboo wasn't stopping them. I never saw the big deal; personally, they looked just like us with weird ears, bigger eyes, slightly elongated faces, and some had horns and wings. Hell, it's not like they looked like the horses from back home, that'd raise an eyebrow or two.

There I sat, lost in thought for a few minutes, idling, as the cigarette burned down in my hand, blue-tinged smoke circling around my head like a halo when the sound of an opening door caught my attention. Through the window, I could see a pair of Pegasi Guards, and standing right next to my desk was Princess Celestia herself, her expression unreadable. "Fuck" I muttered, stubbing out my smoke and hauling ass through the balcony door. "Your Highness, to what do we owe the pleasure of this late visit?"

Her ears swiveled at the sound of my voice, swiftly followed by the rest of her. She was always a sight to behold with her pure white fur, and a pastel-colored head of hair (or a "mane if you prefer) that, when she didn't have it braided, blew in a magically generated breeze, completing her image was a billowing blaze white dress. I was always taken aback by her eyes, the knowledge and barely contained power they held, and now they held only questioning anger. "Is the Ambassador available?"

The way she almost spat the word made me think that Ted was going to be in for a rough night. "He's gone home for the evening Princess, but it's no trouble for me to call his cell and get him down here" I was already reaching for the phone when she stopped me with a raised hand.

"Before we bother our friend, there is something I would like you to take a look at and perhaps give your opinion on."

Now I was sweating a little. Diplomatic relations were more of an appointee-level deal; I was just an FSO with no desire to cause an incident. "Princess, I think we should-"

"Forgive me," she interrupted, "But I would much rather have an…unvarnished opinion of the matter at hand." Her tone said it all and brooked no further argument.

"No political bullshit."

I cleared my throat "If I can help Princess, I'd be happy to take a look."

She smiled thinly, "Lieutenant?"

The Guard on her left snapped to and handed her a sheaf of paper "Highness."

"Thank you, Lieutenant" with that, she laid the paperwork on my desk, fanning it out. "Now which one was it, ah, here," she said, pointing to the sixth page. I moved closer, nearly bumping into her as I scrutinized the section she was referring to. It was a simple trade, Equestrian healing potions to the WHO for an increase in technical assistance and manpower, but the more I looked, the more things looked…off. Three crates coming from the Equestrian side had been diverted in exchange for a massive amount of tech and manpower, buried in the middle of some innocuous-looking language. It stunk to high heaven.

"I see what you're saying, Princess, that does look a little fishy."

She nodded, looking satisfied, "Exactly my thoughts, this was written up by the Ambassador himself. May I be perfectly frank?"

I nodded, "Of course Ma'am."

"The original amount was twenty tons of elixir, earmarked for hospitals only. I believe this is an attempt to line someone's pockets."

Quite the accusation, but it looked that way to me too. I glanced at the contractor in charge of the exchange. "Aegis Manufacturing, wait, I've heard the name before" I sat down in my chair and spun up Google, returning hits in a matter of seconds. CEO was none other than Karen Morten, the wife of our illustrious Ambo. Now it made more sense; I looked up at the Princess as I tugged on more threads, "Princess, I think it might be time to call the Ambassador, I've reached the limit of what I feel comfortable doing here."

She smiled, "I agree, and don't worry, you've done nothing wrong. I needed a suspicion confirmed by someone who has proven to be objective, and you delivered famously"

I couldn't help but smile back, "A pleasure to assist the Crown Ma'am." I reached for the handset. A grin slowly splitting my face, my night just got a whole lot better. After a few rings, a tired but still imperious voice answered.

"This better be good."

"Evening, Ted!" I chirped, "Hate to wake you boss, but I have Princess Celestia here in the flesh, she says she needs to speak to you immediately."

Boy, he sure woke up fast, "What?! How long has she been there, why didn't you call me immediately?!"

I sighed and let him hear it. "I did, Sir, she hasn't been waiting long."

"Well, thank God your incompetence knows some bounds, Andrews. Inform her Highness I'll be there directly."

Will do Mr. Ambassador."

I ended the call and looked up, meeting the severe gaze of the Solar Princess. "Catch all that Highness?"

She nodded, "I did."

I took that as my cue to relax back into my chair, "Princess, may I be direct?"

Now she smiled, and I could've sworn the lights in the room got a bit brighter "I may as well show you the same courtesy you showed me. Say on."

I chuckled, "Thanks. I guess I'm confused as to why you didn't send your representative? Why did you choose to handle this yourself?"

The Princess looked thoughtful for a few moments before replying, "I suppose that the idea of humans dying or remaining ill for someone to turn a profit was too much to bear. I have always been more of a hands-on ruler, or so they tell me. I imagine I'm just nosy" We both shared a chuckle. I was surprised at how easy she was to get along with, she seemed less like an immortal Princess and more of a regular woman, though I suspected her station didn't allow for the latter. She broke me out of my thoughts a moment later. "All of this begs the question," I nodded, encouraging her to proceed. "Why would you help dig up what could be a potentially serious issue within your government at the behest of a foreign ruler? You owe me nothing and would have been well within your right to tell me to get stuffed."

Now I outright laughed. "Well, Princess, I can't abide what this appears to be any more than you can, foreign ruler or not, right is right."

She nodded, "I see your point, and a well-made one at that, just the answer I expected."

"Have my measure already, Princess?"

Again with the nod, "It comes with the territory when you've lived as long as I have, I have watched you at the corner of my meetings with the Ambassador, you always observe but rarely speak, and when you do you always have something poignant to add, or some insight to pass on. You may not think so, but I believe you would make a fantastic diplomat or negotiator."

Yeah, she's a lot closer than I'd like.

"High praise Princess, thank you, but I don't think I have the stomach for politics, such as they are. It's all a bunch of overblown morons with their heads so far up their asses they haven't seen the light of day in years, mired in too much bullshit to function." I froze, realizing what I had just said, and to whom. Thankfully before I could have a five-alarm freakout, a musical sound split the air. Celestia had burst out laughing, probably at my horrified expression.

"Oh Mother, your face" She giggled, "It has been too long since someone spoke with me so bluntly. Thank you"

I was amazed I wasn't dead, I would ask why she thanked me, but I already knew, I imagine she was used to those overblown morons, treating her with so much deference and hoping to curry favor. So instead of miring the moment with a stuttered apology, I joined in the laughter. A moment later, the reverie was broken by the opening of an office door. Ted strode in, looking every bit the egocentric prick he was, his whole figure radiated an "I'm here, no applause please." Aura.

"Good evening Princess, I am so very sorry to have kept you waiting. Andrews. Coffee."

I almost chucked my office chair at the bastard. "Sure, Ted, be right back. Highness? Would you care for anything?

Her face had settled into the mask I always saw her wearing, that unreadable expression that gave you the distinct impression she knew everything you were going to say before you said it. "No, thank you, Mr. Andrews, but thank you for the illuminating conversation."

"Anytime, Princess." With that, I fucked off to the break room to make the asshole his coffee. I gave the nod to the two guards as I slipped passed them, almost as soon as I turned the corner a subtle gold flash lit up my entire body, it took a moment to realize it was magic, and another moment to realize I could hear the conversation taking place in the other room.

"Ambassador, I have requested your presence here to answer an accusation."

I could hear the quaver in Ted's voice. "What accusation might that be, Princess?"

A rustling, as though someone had just tossed a sheaf of paper onto the table. "That you have either directly or indirectly conspired with your spouse to divert precious healing resources for sheer personal gain."

Ted sputtered, clearly at a loss, well give the guy a break, it's not every day your whole life comes to a screeching halt right in front of your eyes. "Your Highness, I don't know where you got these documents, but I can assure you these accusations are baseless."

"I beg to differ" The timbre of Celestia's voice brooked no argument. "I took the liberty of informing your Justice Department a few minutes before my arrival. Between humans who still believe in right and wrong and my subjects, I can assure you the investigation will be quite thorough."

Now Ted was shitting himself, and I was almost done making coffee. I started my walk back in as he stuttered out excuses, finally breaking down as I walked through the door. "Your Highness, please, please tell them it was all a misunderstanding, I can ensure Equestria is millennia ahead of its enemies, I can secure trade agreements that will make you the wealthiest ruler on the planet."

Celestia's eyes turned hard. "The day I would sacrifice my principles for personal gain has not come once in five thousand years, and You will not be the man who manages it." The sheer energy of her declaration felt like a physical force, even from across the room. With that, she turned on an elegant heel and strode out of the room, nodding a goodbye, which I returned. In a moment, she was gone along with her entourage.

I took a moment to break in, "Coffee, Ted."

His ashen-face made it feel like Christmas had come early, without a word he raised a shaking hand and I tossed the coffee cup onto his desk, splattering the contents everywhere. "What the FUCK are you doing?" He roared while looking like he was about to keel over.

I got right in his face, something in my eye must've gotten to him because the angry expression fled and fear replaced it as I got closer. "I'm quitting, you self-important piece of shit, for eighteen months I've watched you use this place like your own personal resort, kissing up to royalty and the only thing you accomplished was getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar. You're beyond a fucking joke Ted, good luck getting fucked in the ass in Federal Prison."

The man blanched, on the verge of having a heart attack if his face was anything to go by. I walked out of his office without another word, grabbing my coat along with the bulk of my things from my desk and heading for the elevator. The lobby was a ghost town at this time of night, everyone either home, working late, or at the bar enjoying the local culture. So it surprised me when I saw Scotty leaning against the outer door. Scott Parker and I went way back, the tall but powerfully built Diplomatic Security Agent had seen more than his fair share of a bad day, but we meshed well, hanging out drinking and hitting on the local females. He had been one of my first friends to come to Equestria.

"Yo, Scott! What's up, brother?"

He turned at the sound of my voice. "Hey Zack, Any idea why Princess Celestia is standing in the parking lot?"

I balked a little "Well, she was just upstairs talking to the jerk off. I guess she hasn't left yet."

Scotty let out a small hum, "Weird to see her here in any case. I'm good man, why is all your shit packed?"

I looked down at the box I was hauling. "Yeah, I quit, Ted was into some real shit and Celestia came to call him out on it. It's going to be front-page news tomorrow, bet on that shit."

I hadn't ever seen Scott look so smug before. "God, that's fucking awesome; I've been waiting for someone to hang that dipshit by his balls. You just made my whole week."

"Dude, think about how I feel, I'm fucking ecstatic. Even if I have to leave this place, I'll be able to hold my head up knowing that fucker is going to get his."

"Leave? So I can lose my drinking buddy slash wingman? Fuck outta here, Dude. We'll get it sorted out. I'm sure I can find something for your crippled ass to do around here."

I couldn't help but laugh with a bit of a bitter edge. I didn't want to leave Equestria. "Fuck you, man, but thanks, Scotty" I shifted my grip on the box to shake his hand. "Drinks tomorrow night?"

A million-watt smile split Scotty's face. "Fuckin' A Brother."

"Right on, have a good one, man."

I walked through the first airlock-style door, the sights and smells of the city calming me, until I noticed that Celestia was still there, hovering next to her carriage, casting glances at the building. Was she waiting for me? Why? My question was answered when she saw me clear the outer door, a smile springing to her face. "Hello, Mr. Andrews."

I bowed, "Princess. Is there something more you need?"

"Please, you do not have to bow. I just wanted to thank you again for assisting me, and to say that I look forward to working with you under whoever replaces our friend."

I offered a bit of a strained smile, Scotty's reassurances not entirely taking root. "Well, Highness, you're very welcome, I honestly feel like I should be thanking you. That was the show of a lifetime; the magic was a nice touch. But I'm afraid that we won't be seeing each other again, I tendered my resignation, and without my job here I'll most likely be shuffled off back home, but it was a true pleasure to meet you formally, even if the circumstances were less than ideal."

Her brow furrowed, "Well, that is unfortunate, I am sorry for my hand in the matter."

"Not at all, Princess, truth be told I was looking for an excuse to get away from the Ambassador for quite a while now. I don't want to leave Equestria, by any stretch, but I won't compromise myself for anyone, I'd rather be home and have these memories, than to work for an amoral asshole like him."

She gave me a small smile, "I expected as much, you seem to have honor Mr. Andrews, something that runs in short supply these days."

"I'm flattered, Princess. I'm simply going with my conscience, nothing special about it."

Her response caught me off guard," I beg to differ. It takes great courage and conviction to disregard the personal cost to do what is just."

"Thank you, Princess," I couldn't think of anything to say in the face of such naked praise from a being that had lived a thousand lifetimes before I was even a twinkle in my dad's eye.

There was that soft smile again like she was the only one in on the joke.

"Take care, Mr. Andrews, I have a feeling we'll meet again." She climbed into her carriage, her guards taking up flanking positions, and they were off into the night.

Author's Notes:

ANNNNNDDD I'M BACK BABY!