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Seeking My Purpose In The World

by The Sleepless Beholder

Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Am I a Monster?

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The flight had been tiring, but Sunset had to push on. If Twilight was going to collect the elements from the castle, the only way she could reach them was through the Everfree Forest.
She finally reached the large mass of trees, but now she had to somehow locate the unicorn and whatever friends she had managed to gather.
She concentrated her magic once again, and her eyes and ears changed into what the thestrals had, allowing her to hear and see in the night like if it was the middle of the day.
No, even better than that, she could see farther, in more detail, and all the sounds around her were clearer.
She could hear ponies talking, so she followed the sound until she saw Twilight walking through the forest, being followed by five other ponies.

“Let’s see. We have a hat, a piece of butter with pink hair, cotton candy on legs, a marshmallow, and a rainbow. What a colorful bunch of weirdos.”

Suddenly, a landslide pushed the group towards a cliff.
Butter and Rainbow caught Marshmallow and Candy, but Twilight was about to fall off the cliff, the only thing stopping her was Hat holding her hooves.
Sunset perked up her ears so she could hear them.

“Applejack! What do I do?!” Twilight screamed in panic.

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Uhm, Twilight, did you forgot that you can teleport?”

“Let go,” Hat suddenly said.

“Are you crazy?!” Twilight responded.

Sunset frowned. “Seriously Twilight, just teleport away. You know how to, I taught you myself! How can you be the fricking chosen one if you can’t even remember your spells?!”

After her rant, she saw Twilight plummet towards the floor, only to be saved by Rainbow and Butter.
Shaking off her frustration, Sunset flew ahead in search for any danger in their way and it didn’t take long to see an angered manticore marching in the direction of the mares.
She dove into the forest, landing just in front of the big feline beast, which reacted with a mighty, spit-throwing roar.
Sunset channeled more magic to the thestrals transmutation, copying their sonic voice and fanged mouth, and gave her own, magically augmented roar.
The manticore whined and sat down, standing firm at what it considered a more dangerous predator.

“What’s your problem?” Sunset asked, an animal-talking spell making her words understandable to the beast.
The manticore lifted his left paw, showing a big thorn in the middle of it.

"Well, this could be considered a test of kindness. I guess it’s meant to be. Somehow. I’ve never been part of a prophesy before."

“Listen to me! there are six ponies coming your way. You will wait for them, roar angrily at them and look menacing, but do not hurt them. They will take your pain away, you will be thankful, and then you will leave. Understood?”
The manticore nodded. “Good, I will be watching.” She went to the skies, and watched the ponies deal with the beast.

Sunset wasn’t surprised when Butter was the one that showed kindness to the manticore. She looked like a softy for animals.
When the ponies continued their march, she went ahead again in search for dangers, but stopped when she heard screams behind her.
"Did the manticore come back to attack them?" she wondered while flying back, but found them bunched up, terrified of… some trees?

Sunset facehoofed. “Really? You were willing to fight a manticore head on, but a bunch of trees with ugly faces scare you? They can’t even move!”

She was starting to lose hope in Celestia’s ‘champions’ and her chosen hero. But before all hope was lost, Candy started to sing a happy song.

Sunset was not in the mood for a song.

“Okay, Candy is laughter, let’s move on.” She flew away, quickly reaching the next blockade; a large, sad sea serpent turning a river into a rapid.

“Okay, I may just let this one alone.” Sunset flew towards a tree and hid in it’s top to rest a little. The fact that her wings were of magical nature helped to not feel physically tired, but it was exhausting her magic quite severely.

Sunset sat in a branch and crossed her hindlegs while putting both of her forehooves together at chest height, entering an old meditation technique from the zebra culture.
It helped her relax her body and mind. Calming her magic so it would recover much more quickly.

She stood in this position for a couple minutes, until her thestrals ears signaled her that ponies were talking nearby, so she poked her head out of the tree, and saw Marshmallow cutting her tail with a scale of the sea serpent to then tie it to the creatures missing half of a mustache.

“Ok, Marshmallow is generosity. That leaves loyalty, the spark, and honesty… could honesty be Hat? Twilight seemed to make a sort of leap of faith at the cliff.”

Sunset shrugged and took flight once again, flying ahead to find a collapsed bridge. “Meh, doesn’t seem like much of a challenge, they can just fly over it. Better go make sure Nightmare Moon didn’t took the elements before us.”

Sunset flew to one of the castle’s windows and made another thestral transmutation to turn her coat to a dark grey, allowing her to magically meld into the shadows.


“The elements of harmony. We found them!” Twilight exclaimed as she walked towards a large stone sculpture that held five stone orbs with marks in the shape of different gems.

Pinkie started to count them as Fluttershy, and Rainbow got them off the altar. “One, two, three, four, five… there’s one missing?”

“It’s said that when the five are reunited, a spark will reveal the sixth.”

“And what does that even mean?” Applejack asked.

“I’ve an idea, but I need you to stand back. I don’t know how the elements will react to magic.”

The five ponies went outside, leaving Twilight alone with the five orbs.
She charged her horn, focusing her magic into making a spark to try and activate them, but before she could complete the spell, a sparkling blue cloud formed a whirlpool around the stones, lifting them into the air.

“No!” Twilight was about to jump, but a cyan ray of magic blasted the cloud, sending the form of Nightmare Moon crashing through the stone altar and slamming her against the wall. “W-what?”

A grey figure landed on top the crumbled altar; wings stretched open, horn glowing with power, it’s posture menacing to the mare in the moon, but protective to Twilight and the elements.

"An alicorn?" Twilight thought in panic, taking a few steps back, but then she saw the mare’s cutie mark. "Sunset?"

Nightmare Moon stood up, dusting herself off while admiring the figure that had attacked her.

“Interesting. It seems that my followers haven’t been idle during my millennia of imprisonment.” She started to walk around the creature, but the grey mare hissed menacingly at her, warning her of getting too close.
“You have the traits of my people, but your transformation is incomplete. Tell me, who are you?”

Twilight watched as the grey mare walked forward, and discreetly pushed one of the elements towards her.

Getting the message, Twilight slowly lifted the rest of the stones from the ground, taking them away while the night creatures talked.
Rainbow and the rest helped her carry them quietly outside, and they formed a circle around them.

“Who was that scary mare?” Fluttershy asked with trembling voice.

“She looks so cool!” Rainbow exclaimed.

“Girls, focus, we need to figure out how to activate the elements before Nightmare Moon discovers us.” Twilight tried again to create a spark, but it seemed futile no matter how many times she tried. “What am I doing wrong?”

Suddenly, an explosion was heard from the castle, and Twilight watched in horror as the unconscious body of Sunset flew over their heads and fell into the gorge.

“Sunset!” Twilight screamed, trying to run to the cliff, but Nightmare Moon landed in front of her, destroying the stones in the process.

“One fool has already been taken care off. Now it’s your turn.” The dark alicorn laughed, but Twilight’s thoughts were busy replaying the scene of Sunset falling to her doom.

She was protecting her. She faced Nightmare Moon by herself just to buy her some time. She had been watching from the shadows, probably even before they got to the castle.

After all their fights, all the bullying and antagonizing, Sunset put her life at risk for her… and lost.

A hoof landed on her shoulder, and Twilight looked as her companions stood beside her, looking at Nightmare Moon without any fear.

“Don’t worry Twilight. We will put this Nightmare to sleep and rescue your friend,” Applejack said while she adjusted her hat for a fight.

Twilight smiled. Sunset wasn’t the only one that was willing to stand beside her in this.

These mares, they were also her friends. They would stand beside each other and face any threats together.

Twilight wiped her tears and stood up, looking at Nightmare Moon straight in the eyes. “We won’t let you hurt anypony else.”

Nightmare Moon laughed. “And how do you plan to do it? The elements are destroyed!”

Twilight smiled as the pieces of the stones started to float around her friends. “You think you can destroy the elements of harmony just like that?”


Everything hurt.

Sunset had no magic to cast a spell.

No strength to move her body.

No voice to cry suffering.

The only two things she could feel was pain, and the wind as she quickly plummeted to the bottom of the gorge.

To think that gravity would be the thing that ended her dreams.

Sunset hit the water of a river at the bottom of the gorge, and then the hard ground beneath it, making her bounce a little under the water, but it wasn’t enough for her head to break surface.

Her lungs were quickly being filled with water, and her body was damaged to the point she couldn’t even feel the pain anymore.

As she sunk to the bottom of the river, Sunset’s final thoughts were of what could have been her life. How glorious and powerful she could have become. A ruler worthy of taking Celestia’s place and rule Equestria, leading it to a new era of prosperity.

But those dreams would never happen.

This was the end of her.

She just had to let go.

Suddenly, she saw a huge rainbow light at the top of the cliff, and seconds later, something flew into the gorge, speeding towards her.

"Are they coming to save me?" she thought with a sliver of hope, but then she recognized what was moving towards her...

...The blue mist that Nightmare Moon could turn into.

The shimmering cloud plunged into the river and quickly started to spin around her body, lifting it out of the water.

Her magic replenish itself instantly, the sensation of her body returned, and she regained control of her limbs.

Sunset violently vomited all the water out of her lungs, but the mist took its place, entering her body through her mouth.

“You’ve defeated us, little sun. But now you will preserve us. And when the time is right, we will make your dreams come true.”

As the last of the mist entered her body, Sunset collapsed over a rock in the river.

“Now sleep little sun, and forget our existence… for now.”

And then she passed out.


Sunset slowly opened her eyes, her vision blurred.

“Sunset! You are awake!” sounded the familiar voice of Twilight. And Sunset groggily turned to her.

“I think I’m seeing double,” She muttered, but then her vision cleared, and noticed that the other copy was Moon Dancer.
Another figure, taller and blue, came into view. “Princess Luna?”

The figure smiled. “We are. After a thousand years. Thanks to you and your friends.”

Sunset gave a chuckle. “I don’t really know them. Just Twilight. And we don’t like each other very much.”

Sunset saw a purple hoof over her own. “Well, that’s going to change.” Sunset could see her smile, but there was a little bit of sadness in there too. “What you did… I can’t ever repay you.”

Sunset smiled. “So… I can keep blowing up your doors?” Both unicorns laughed, while Luna and Moon Dancer looked at each other with confusion.

Once the laughter died down, Twilight took a sadder expression.
“I’m going to stay in Ponyville with my friends. But I promise I will come to visit you whenever I can.”

Sunset looked at Moon Dancer, remembering how dejected she felt when Twilight left for just a day. An idea came to her mind.
“What are you going to do with your tower?”

Twilight looked confused at the question. “I guess just take my things and close the place. Maybe Celestia will give it to her next big student.”

“Well, I’m sure she is a great candidate for the position.” Sunset pointed at Moon Dancer, who seemed in a little bit of a shock. “She helped me realize the real threat of Nightmare Moon and discover where to find the elements. I wouldn’t have been able to help you if it weren’t for her.”

Luna smiled. “I’m sure my sister will agree to the arrangement.”

“It’s decided then.” Twilight walked towards Moon Dancer.
“I’m… I’m sorry that I missed your party. Now that I know how important friendship is, I realize how bad I acted with you. I hope we can be friends for real this time.”

Sunset could tell Moon Dancer was on the verge of tears. “Don’t worry Twilight. We will keep in contact.” Both unicorns hugged, and Sunset jumped out of bed.

“Aren’t you going a bit too fast?” questioned Luna.

“I’m feeling perfectly fine. And I need to talk to Celestia.” Sunset looked around. “Is she waiting outside?”

Luna looked at her with confusion, or perhaps it was suspicion. “Sunset, how exactly did you survive the fall into the gorge?”

Sunset seemed to ignore her. “Where is Celestia? She is here, right?”

Luna hesitated, but Twilight shook her head, the action clearly hurting her heart.

Without giving a chance to speak, Sunset teleported away.


Celestia was sitting in the dining room, eating her usual midday cake, but it was clear the usual delight had been lost somewhere before she even took a bite of the pastry.

Suddenly, her plate was thrown across the table by an orange hoof.

“So, is eating cake more important than visiting your pupil in the hospital? Or is this your way of telling me that I’m no longer welcomed as your pupil?”

Celestia looked at her with her usual neutral expression and looked towards the staff and guards in the room. “Please, leave us alone so we can talk.”
The staff quickly left the room, closing the doors behind them. Celestia addressed Sunset once again. “I promised you answers. So, ask away.”

“For starters, why weren’t you in the hospital with my friends and your sister?”

“I was…” Celestia seemed to think the right words to say. “Debating how to approach you.”

“Wouldn’t a simple ‘Oh Sunset, I’m so happy that you didn’t die’ be enough?”

“That’s my point… anypony should’ve died from that. But you are not only alive but look in perfect condition. No broken bones, not even a scratch on your coat. How exactly did you survive that fall?”

“Maybe I’m just more durable than you think.”

Celestia frowned. “This is serious Sunset. I need to know!”

Sunset took a couple of seconds to respond. “I don’t know. I just remember that it was the most intense pain I’ve experienced ever. Then a light appeared over where Twilight and her friends were fighting against Nightmare Moon, and next thing I know I’m in the hospital.”

Celestia looked down in thought, like if she was trying to solve a puzzle. “What other questions do you have?”

Sunset was getting more and more mad.

She really seemed like she didn’t care how she felt. “Why are you so distant of me?! I know I made a mistake entering the restricted library, but I chose to leave the knowledge and stay by your side, only to be replaced at the first chance you got. Do you hate me that much?”

Celestia took a deep breath, preparing herself. “I’m not angry at you Sunset.”

“Then what is it?!” she screamed.

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?!”

“You.”

Sunset recoiled like if she had been hit in the face with a hammer. “Ever since you became my pupil, your knowledge, capabilities and power has been growing exponentially, but you never seemed to be able to control it properly. And when we saw your future in the mirror, my fears became a reality.”

Sunset’s blood was boiling, she had never wanted to hurt a pony so badly before now.
“Are you so afraid that I will take your place as ruler of Equestria?!”

Celestia didn’t respond, and used her magic to bring a mirror in front of Sunset.

Her boiling blood turned ice cold.

She had unconsciously activated her thestral transmutation, and now that she saw her reflection, she recognized the image.

It was the monster that she saw in the mirror so long ago. The monster that she was terrified to one day become.

Celestia poked her head from behind the mirror. “Do you realize that when you faced Nightmare Moon, she saw you as an equal?”

Suddenly, the memories of that encounter came back.

“I’m one of the followers that you left behind.” She said menacingly, but it was just a façade.
Sunset was terrified. She had blasted her with all her strength, but it didn’t leave a scratch on her. She couldn’t win in a fight, so the only option was making time so Twilight could activate the elements.

“Is that so? Then I am deeply sorry for my absence.” Nightmare Moon made a little bow.

“They exterminated everyone that could fight. And then banished us to the darkest corner of Equestria.”

Nightmare Moon seemed actually sad at the news. “It pains me that those willing to follow me have been suffering such treatment. I swear that I will make the ones responsible pay with a thousand years worth of interest, and guide the thestrals to a much better nation as a reward for their undying loyalty.”

“It’s already too late. There are so few of us now we barely avoid extinction.”

“I assure you, with Celestia banished to the sun, there will be nothing that can stop me once the elements are destroyed.” Nightmare Moon smiled. “By the way. How did you reach this place from the darkest corner of Equestria?”

Luckily, Sunset had been thinking an alibi while the alicorn ranted. “The only way to avoid execution was to resign the cause and join the enemy. I hated every second of it, but it helped me survive, and now I can finally confront you for what you did to us.”

Nightmare Moon’s smile didn´t waver. “One thing I’m wondering, where exactly is this ‘darkest corner of Equestria’?”

Sunset tried to respond, but got nothing, and a magical aura took hold of her body, threatening to crush it like a toy.

Nightmare Moon laughed as she lifted Sunset to her eye level. “You may look the part, but I can feel the sun inside you.” She put a hoof against the unicorn’s chest. “I can fell its searing heat, desperate to be released. Such power, such potential, if you unlocked it, you may rival my sister in power.”

The alicorn touched Sunset’s horn, and the unicorn felt a wave of pain course through her body, reverting her back to normal. “This proposal is for you, little sun; join me, destroy the elements, help me free my ponies, and I will help you unlock your true potential. I will make you my right-hand mare and allow you to keep any land you conquer in my name after the ponies are fully in our control.”

Sunset struggled against the magical hold on her body, but it was futile.

“I will give you ten seconds to decide.”

Sunset’s only option was to wait it out and hope that Twilight would rescue her with the elements.

“Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five…”

Just hold on a little longer, Twilight was coming. She wouldn’t meet her end like this… right?

“Four. Three. Two. One.”

Sunset closed her eyes.

Nightmare Moon charged her horn. “A fool’s choice little sun.”

“My fears, Sunset, it’s not that you rule Equestria in my place. It’s that you will turn into the second Nightmare Moon.” Celestia put the mirror down. “Now that you are aware of the truth, maybe we can-” Sunset slammed her forehooves on the table and pointed at Celestia with one of them.

“I’m not a monster,” she declared, but her hoof was trembling.

Before Celestia could respond, she teleported away, leaving the monarch alone in the room.

She bowed her head, closing her eyes. “Oh Sunset… What am I going to do with you?” A single tear ran down her face.


Sunset was sitting at the edge of the Canterlot platform, looking at the rocks below, deep in thought, until another pony approached her.

“Mind if I sit?” Luna asked.

“It’s your city.” Sunset responded dryly.

The lunar princess took her seat and looked at the conflicted unicorn. “Mind if we share some words?”

“If you still want to know how I survived, I can jump right now and find out.”

Luna smiled at the dark joke, or at least she hoped it was. “That’s no longer necessary. What we wish to know is what will you do now.”

“Return to my studies, I guess. Although now I know that Celestia will not teach me anymore. She thinks I will turn into-”

“We’re aware of our sister’s paranoia. We assure you; it pains her to think like that, but after so many years with the guilt of our banishment weighting on her, it’s to be expected that she doesn’t want history repeating itself.”

“It’s still not fair.”

“It isn’t, it’s an ugly thing that we have to live with and tolerate. Or…” Luna smiled, seeing how she managed to catch Sunset’s attention with the alternative. “We let go and find something better.”

“Better than being the pupil of an ancient being with more magic than a quarter of Equestria combined?”

“You already told us that she won’t teach you, so why stay in a place that you know will hurt you both?”

“What are you suggesting?”

“Join Twilight in Ponyville. Learn about friendship alongside her and prove to my sister that her paranoia has no foundation.”

Sunset thought about it for a long time, but Luna waited patiently. “You think that will work?”

“It will take time and effort. But we will also help you from this side. We know how to convince Tia to do things.” Luna stood up. “Think about it and send me a letter with your decision. I will break the news to my sister for you.”

Teh lunar princess left. and Sunset was once again alone with her thoughts. But this time, she looked to the sky instead of the floor.


Two knocks had been given to the recently reconstructed doorway of the tower, and Moon Dancer opened it, smiling at the sight of her unexpected visit.

“Sunset!” The unicorns shared a long hug. “What happened with Celestia, is everything alright?”

Sunset gave a sigh. “No… I’m… going to leave to Ponyville.”

Moon Dancers face turned to horror. “Did she banish you form the castle because of the library?!”

“No… I’m not banished. I’m just… leaving. It’s kind of complicated but it wasn’t your fault. The secret library was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. It was going to happen eventually.”

Moon Dancer gave her another hug. “I’m so sorry Sunset.”

Sunset returned the hug. “It’s okay, it’s the best for both of us.”

When they finally separated, Moon Dancer looked back at the tower. “I guess I’m staying here. Alone.”

Sunset put a hoof on her shoulder and smiled. “Hey, I have wings now, so I can come and go as I wish. I’m sure Ponyville will get boring very quickly.”

Moon Dancer smiled. “Thanks Sunset.”

Both mares said their goodbyes, and Sunset made her wings appear before jumping into the skies.


Twilight was once again traveling towards Ponyville in the golden chariot, bored out of her mind now that she didn’t have Spike to talk to her.
Suddenly, a new weight made the chariot move slightly until the pegasus managed to balance it.
Twilight turned around. “Sunset?”

“Hey, mind if I join you?” she said as she took a seat.

Twilight smiled. “I knew you weren’t going to leave me without a goodbye.”

“Well keep waiting, because I’m going to Ponyville too.”

“What? Why? I mean, I’m happy, but, your studies.”

“I’ve already learned enough in Canterlot, and I want to give this whole friendship thing another chance. Maybe the thirty-sixth is the winning one.”

“Well, I guess we will learn together. I will need to make room in the library thou.”

“What? No. I’m warming up to you Twilight, but it’s still too soon to live together. We haven’t even had a date yet.” Sunset contained her laugh at seeing the blush on Twilight’s face. “I will rent a room or buy a house.”

“Right, I will visit you often then,” Twilight responded, still a little nervous.

Sunset laughed and looked at the horizon, seeing Ponyville slowly approaching.

A new challenge, a new chance of sorting her life and advance towards her dreams.

She could still do it. She was going to leave her mark in Equestria’s history.

“So… can you teach me how to grow wings?” Twilight asked.

Sunset smiled. “Nope.”

Author's Notes:


Sunset developed a new condition: Nightmarish essence (dormant)

Sunset’s morale dropped: -10
Current morale: -10/100


The next two chapters are already planned and in the works.

I hope you like it, it will be a long one.

I will be watching you.

Next Chapter: Chapter 4: I’m Liking This Town Estimated time remaining: 9 Hours, 59 Minutes
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