“What about you?” Doug asks Cadance as he works his way along Luna’s barrel. Their coats go much faster than the wings, the lathered soap they’ve been soaking in breaking up the storm gunk, though they still need quite a bit of attention. Attention he is more than willing to provide, with little nips and tender strokes that draw affectionate coos. “What keeps you up at night?”

“Well…” Cadance stalls. The mass of bubbles that makes up her poofy, soap-sopped mane sinks down, the three going from all looking in Ponyville’s general direction to Doug and Luna watching and wondering when she will surface. It takes a long time for her to answer, during which Doug starts on Luna’s spine, working down, the two captivated by teases to the sensitive parts by her clean wings and bloated mane, and who can steal the last kiss before Cadance returns.

One light purple eye peeks out; he has to strain to make out her words. “...You like roleplaying games, right?”

The question surprises Doug, a brief frown crossing his face. “Sure,” he admits. “Though I’ve barely been able to play. Just too busy. I heard Spike talking about a campaign with Big Mac, but now that he’s gone…” He shrugs, then perks up considerably. “Hey, didn’t you and Shining Armor play?”

“Yes, he always played the gallant Princess,” Cadance snickers, perking up as the conversation gets off topic. “Off to rescue her precious knight. Or a tunic-wearing swordsmare, wielding bow and boomerang to save Equestria. And, of course, her Prince.”

“That sounds a lot like Rarity,” Doug adds with a chuckle. Cadance left, Luna right. He moves along Luna’s belly, double checking to be sure, then gives his mare a tender squeeze of her teats and traces a line up to her marehood. He smirks as Luna twists her head to stare at him, curious what he is doing, then spreads her legs to allow him better access. His gloating grin fades as he realizes she is gritty back there, too, and really appreciates his ministrations, gross as it is to provide. And Cadance is likely worse, as every other part of her has been.

He covers by continuing, “She got offended one time I ran a session with more damsels in distress. Something about mares guarding stallions and me trying to flip gender norms for no good reason. But she’s always had a bit of a protective streak, just like Shining Armor. Like, when we go mining, she always leads.”

Cadance sighs dreamily, either oblivious or doing a very good job of not noticing what is happening with Luna next to her. “Yes, he would do anything to protect me.”

She then turns and gives Doug a long kiss on the cheek, leaving him stupefied. “And I know you would, too.”

“T-thanks,” Doug stammers, tentatively wiping at the spot. The ponies are physically affectionate, for sure, but those are generally nuzzles! “I’d do that for all my mares.” He turns around, now facing the Carrot House, the opposite direction as the mares, head spinning. It takes a moment to convince himself it is a friendly kiss, and nothing more, no matter how much certain parts of him might want that not to be the case, and goes to work on the mare on his right, his finger running along the slick inner slit.

He expects the sharp gasp, though the pitch is off, but not from both of them. Besides, he’s distracted: her nethers are even worse than he thought! The tail, and mane for that matter, seem like reservoirs for the gunk, soaking it up like Celestia’s mane soaked up chocolate milk back when Discord returned and then depositing it right where the ponies would have the hardest time reaching.

“Ready?” Doug asks, just getting a guttural grunt in reply. He takes a deep breath, steeling himself, and plunges in, doing his best to work by feel and figure out how deep the problem goes. He doesn’t notice how the cutie marks on each side of him glow, pulsing with an otherworldly light.

Back in Ponyville, Shining Armor and Princess Twilight Sparkle wander through town, scarfing down hayburgers and catching up after saying goodbye to the older fillies of the herd and waiting patiently (mostly) for the results of Cadance and Luna’s mission. They pause outside Sugarcube Corner as a golden pegasus, blue mane in a tizzy, swoops down in front of them.

“Princess!” Sunshower shouts, hysterical and barely able to stay coherent. “Monster at Sweet Apple Acres!” She cringes down, tears streaming from her eyes. “It got a foal!”

Twilight stops in her tracks, her hoof halfway from coming down. “W-what?” she mutters, stunned. Several of the other ponies share her catatonia, others flopping to the ground in a dead faint.

Shining Armor’s face sets hard, instantly leaping into motion. He points to the three closest pegasi who didn’t collapse. “You, you, and you. Set up a scouting net, make sure this monster doesn’t get away.” They take to the air as ordered. He turns to Sunshower, the mare’s breath coming in fits and spurts. “What color was this monster? What did it look like?”

“What color was the foal?” Spoiled Rich demands at the same time as Shining Armor.

“P-pink,” Sunshower stammers between sobs.

Spoiled Rich takes a long, deep breath, her teeth audibly grinding against each other. Fury flashes in her eyes.

Understandable, Shining Armor thinks to himself. Diamond Tiara might have gone to Sweet Apple Acres.

“T-the monster was pink,” Sunshower clarifies, realizing the confusion. “The foal was brown.”

The clarification doesn't assuage Spoiled Rich. Shining Armor runs through the brown foals he knows of: Silver Stud, Pomarbo and Hedge. Button Mash, but it’s unlikely he’d be there. Applebaum left on the train. Pipsqueak?

Sunshower blurts out, “It came from nowhere! They could be anywhere!”

“Keep the alarm off,” Shining Armor orders, turning from one pony to another with military precision. “We don’t want to alert them early. Spread the news, quietly, in case there are more. You, get Mayor Mare if we need... authorization.” Spoiled Rich looks especially pleased at that. “We’ll need to form squads. Anypony prior guards?”

Hooves raise, but before they can get any further, Open Skies swoops in with a welcome update. “Belay that!” he commands, everypony keen to listen to the assistant weather supervisor. “False alarm!”

“W-what?” Sunshower asks, peeking up from the ground with a smidgen of hope.

“False alarm,” Open Skies repeats. He lands next to Sunshower, nuzzling her reassuringly. She smiles weakly. “Turns out, it wasn’t a foal. It was a rabbit. And the ‘monster? A hippogriff. Brought by the Princesses, we think.”

Relief spreads rapidly through the crowd. A few glance apprehensively at Spoiled Rich, the pink mare only releasing her rage after a few long, deep breaths.

“A hippogriff?” Twilight whispers to Shining Armor. “But that means…”

Clear Skies, the other assistant weather lead, lands next to her brother. “Sorry for the confusion, guys! Good response, though, in case this was the real thing.” She gives Shining Armor a firm nod; the unicorn, having run more than his fair share of unannounced drills, nods back. “Applejack is showing the new creature around. And did you see?” She elbows Open Skies with a lurid chuckle. “Might get a free show; Doug’s getting Luna and Cadance ready for a-”

She cuts off as she makes the connection with Shining Armor, the stallion very interested in what the suddenly silent mare had to say.

“A?” he asks, smiling, but behind that smile lies nothing amicable.

“...A bath?” Open Skies offers, not terribly convincing.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Twilight Sparkle assures, though she has a hard time keeping the worry from her voice.

Shining Armor’s smile seems frozen in place. “Of course,” he says to his sister. “Still, I’d better go check. You know, guard business and all.”

Twilight stares at her brother, thinking. If it’s nothing, then I don’t need to go. If it’s something, then it’s probably better that I don’t go; Tartarus, he’d need to hold me back!

“Okay,” she says as he takes off, gulping. Please be nothing!

The physical exertion of a hard gallop does little to distract Shining Armor. Even worse is the sight at the top of the Carrot House: one human, facing away; the lunar crescent on his back pulses with light even in the bright noon, like a beacon drawing his attention. Two bubble-covered alicorns surround him, judging by the wing and horn shaped masses. The mare on the left looks completely out of it.

He appears to be working on the… intimate areas of the mare on his right.

A mare with lovely purple eyes, eyes he would recognize anywhere. Eyes currently staring upward, unfocused.

“Oh, buck me,” Cadance exclaims loudly, the sort of passionate shout she reserves for the bedroom. Her cutie mark glows brightly through the bubbles.

“Err,” Doug stammers, if only because Luna echoes the heated howl at the same time.

At first, Shining Armor can’t believe it. His beloved Cadance would never do that! But her intense moan, the way that human glances back, as if to check on her, his beady eyes unreadable?

His horn flares, a shield appears under his hooves, and he catapults himself up the several stories to land with a thundering *thud*.

“Doug Graves!” he bellows, reverting to the name by which he first knew the human. “What in Celestia’s name are you doing to my wife!?”

Doug’s head flicks up, moving from a deep disgust (that surprises Shining Armor) to confusion. He looks back at the mare in which his arm is buried past the wrist, wiping away a bit of bubbles to reveal a solid pink coat and brightly flashing cutie mark of a crystal heart. He stares at the incriminating side for a long moment, then at the mare behind him (still out of it), then at Shining Armor.

“I’m cleaning her off after she got back from her mission,” the guilt-stricken human admits. He attempts a wry smile. “Did you know your wife is a dirty, dirty mare?”

Shining Armor takes a few slow, ominous steps. The alicorn on the left, Luna, recovers enough to watch him advance, though she makes no move to stop him, while Cadance remains engrossed by his… stimulation. Normally the human stands taller than him, but with Doug crouching he can look down on him imperiously.

“I recall a similar situation with your mare, Rarity. Though she wasn’t your mare at the time.” Shining Armor cocks his head, staring at Doug. “Do you remember what happened, what you did to her for that folly?”

“Technically,” Doug quibbles, “you would be yelling at Cadance if we reverse the roles.”

He winces as Shining Armor raises a hoof high above his head. The mares generally don’t want him to step in during their disputes, a problem he perennially has. In the same way, they tend to let stallions argue things out between themselves, even if it gets physical (not that it doesn’t get physical during mare to mare arguments). He could ask for Luna to intervene, and she would, but he wants to handle this on his own, even if it means getting hurt.

“Shiny,” Cadance pleads between heated, heavy breaths. “It’s okay.”

Doug flinches as the hoof swings down, but rather than break his jaw it stops an inch away from his face.

“Cady,” Shining Armor asks through gritted teeth. He stops by his own volition, the two alicorns watching with narrowed eyes. “Explain.”

“We asked him to help,” Cadance explains, offering her husband a shaky smile.

“Just to be completely honest,” Doug adds, not buying himself any points with Shining Armor. “Applejack told me to clean them up, essentially, and they went along with it.”

“Help with what?” Shining Armor demands from Cadance, much like he would interrogate a lowlife from Canterlot’s underbelly. He fumes at how Doug partially ignores him to continue whatever he is doing inside his wife; if anything happens to the foal, anything at all, he’ll…

“Cleaning up sour stormheads,” Cadance answers.

Shining Armor grunts in disbelief, then takes a closer look at Cadance and the grimy remnants floating around in the tub.

He had assisted with developing the Storm in a Box, the very same one the Storm King’s forces used when they reached Canterlot, and that had been tested on Ponyville. Actually, the same test that brought Doug and Twilight Sparkle together. Cleaning up the residue from their early tests, before they took care of the dregs immediately, was terrible. Anypony involved complained bitterly for weeks, the pegasus mares especially.

“And you weren’t going to use that cock of yours?” Shining Armor gives a disdainful look downward; when the human appears in Canterlot he generally wears something, but around Ponyville, especially in the spring and summer? It’s not like he has a sheath to store it!

“Shiny,” Cadance admonishes, if gently. Shining Armor doesn’t care for her tone, nor her flirtations, especially given her proximity to the object in question.

Doug glances down at himself, gulping, glad he is as covered in bubbles as the mares. He tries to pull his hand out, grimacing when it doesn’t move. “If that worked?” he quips. “You’d make her the cleanest mare in Equestria.”

“Don’t give him any ideas,” Cadance rebukes, though she tries to lessen it with a grin. “He might try, and just push it farther in. Or get stuck, and we wouldn’t want that, now would we?”

If Doug’s joke has any effect on Shining Armor, or Cadance’s follow-up, he doesn’t show it. No matter how true it is or how stand-offish the human works. He motions for Doug to carry on. He doesn’t like his mare getting handled, but it’s her choice; and, while he would gladly accept any burden on her behalf, he grudgingly admits Doug does have some advantage over him. Maybe he’ll help with the foal, too; rumor has it that Pinkie Pie has yet to change a dirty diaper. Even so, he watches him like a griffon, ensuring Doug is fully aware of the consequences of going too far.

“You’re doing great,” Cadance encourages Doug, though she has eyes only for her husband. “Just a little deeper and you’ll get it all.”

“I better,” Doug mutters as he dutifully continues.

Shining Armor squints as Cadance’s cutie mark continues to pulse. A happy smile crosses his muzzle as he asks his wife, “Does that mean your mission is completed?”

“Um, we aren’t sure,” Cadance replies. She gives Luna a hopeful smile. “It could be.” Her smile turns to a smirk as she turns back to Doug, giving a frisky shake of her rear that moves his whole body back and forth. “That, or when you penetrated me, it-”

“No,” Doug immediately counters. “Nope. Not it. I refuse to accept that’s what ends a Friendship mission.”

“But Doug,” Cadance whines, if playfully.

“I’m sorry,” Doug says, then shakes his head. “No, I take that back. If that’s how Harmony runs things? I’m not sorry, that’s stupid.”

“Doug,” Cadance admonishes, her tone suddenly quite serious. “You shouldn’t speak about Harmony like that.”

Doug frowns, shocked into silence by her tone. From how Celestia was acting earlier, to this? “Why?” he asks, the only word he’ll allow himself to say. He glances at Luna; she turns a hard, reproachful look.

“Thou art likely correct,” Luna concludes, if carefully. “That the ending of our mission, and the resulting euphoria, was unlikely to be connected to thy… penetration. Perhaps we might learn the true cause. By thou should’st neigh speak ill of Harmony.”

Doug’s eyebrows crease as his frown deepens. “But, whatever is going on here is okay?” He motions toward Cadance’s rump, pulling his arm out as she lets out a satisfied sigh.

“Nothing says our Loyalty will never be tested,” Cadance explains as she happily splashes toward her Shiny, nuzzling him fondly. She shakes her head and mane at him, which he regards with a certain amount of quickly repressed disgust. “In fact…”

She trails off, forcing herself under Shining Armor’s chin, as subservient and vulnerable a position as she can manage. He gives her mane a ginger squeeze. “S-sometimes,” she confesses, voice shaking with worry, but looking at Doug, “I wonder what life would have been like if you had accepted my offer all those years ago.”

“Err,” Doug stammers, glancing between the contrite Cadance and a dour Shining Armor, though the sticky mane in the unicorn’s face seems the least of his concerns. It’s an awkward thing to bring up, for sure, but if this had been on her mind? Perhaps talking would be the best way to get past those feelings.

“I mean, different, obviously.” Doug continues. He offers Shining Armor a genuine smile. “I’m glad the two of you were able to make it work. I wouldn’t want to come between that.” A few moments pass in silent contemplation as he approaches Luna. “Although, you joined the herd being, let’s say, unenthusiastic about it.” He glumly admits, “I might not have been, either, but I hope I wasn’t too obvious about it. I wanted it to work out.”

“We accept this,” Luna claims, lifting her tail as Doug rubs down her flanks. “We felt it required of us as well.”

“If it hadn’t worked,” Doug asks Cadance, looking up at the sky pensively, “what would you have done?” He winks at Shining Armor. “Joined the herd and kept him around as a paramour?”

Cadance giggles as Shining Armor grunts unhappily. “An inamorato, to keep me company all those nights you are busy with another mare? Would you want that?”

“Would you have asked me what I wanted?” Shining Armor demands coldly.

“Of course, my love,” Cadance answers, a part of her dreading his response.

Shining Armor fixes Doug with a hard stare. “All or nothing,” he states unconditionally. “I would have bowed out, had she been required to join your herd. No sneaking around in the night, no surreptitious glances and covert kisses. Total commitment.”

“Then like I said before,” Doug says, offering Shining Armor a fist, which the unicorn bumps after a moment, “I’m glad it worked out.”

“Mm, it feels good to get that off my back,” Cadance confides, nuzzling her Shiny again. She gives a wave of her still-bloated tail, that and the rest of her mane the only areas that still need to be cleansed. “And speaking of backs…”

“I agree,” Shining Armor says with a smirk, pushing Cadance away from him. “Your back looks a little too clean.”

Her eyes go wide as he mounts her, squashing her tail against her backside.

Next Chapter: Ch. 89 - Malicious Intent, Part One Estimated time remaining: 17 Hours, 51 Minutes