At first Big Mac thinks he opened a door to Discord’s realm, not Sugarcube Corner’s kitchen. Gone are the sugary smells and sweet indulgences; everything has transformed, to shockingly bright strobe lights overhead and checkered tiles underhoof and frosted walls. The counters have been rearranged to make room for a dance floor, complete with disco ball. If it wasn’t for the four mares sitting down across the room, Misty Fly and Marble Pie and Cherry Blossom and Sugar Belle, he might have turned and bolted, kicking down a wall in the process. The fact that Pinkie Pie stands behind a podium overlooking the mares, like Granny Smith about to start a round of Trivia Trot, microphone in hoof, almost gets him to reconsider and bolt anyway.

Lemon pushes past the stupefied stallion to take her place as the fifth member at the table, getting a few unsure glances among the other mares. Skellinore comes next, the stand on the bottom of her cutout spinning and somehow serving as a track that drags her along. Muted inquiries turn to open disbelief at the addition of the cardboard skeleton, though none voice a verbal objection to her addition. Yet.

“Welcome!” Pinkie Pie greets, her booming voice distorted by the microphone into a synthesized and echoing version. “You’ve*-” Big Mac can hear the asterisk “-requested my Second Biggest Party Package EVER! So hold onto your harness, your hats, and your horseshoes, this party’s gonna be the BEST!”

Big Mac gulps. He wonders if he can make it to the trapdoor that leads to Pinkie Pie’s party planning cave before they cotton on and stop him. And it wouldn’t just be the party pony, those other mares are getting too into this, especially that Cherry Blossom.

“You will be asked to perform a series of challenges,” Pinkie Pie explains, leaning forward to better convey her excitement, everymare mirroring her, “in which you demonstrate your knowledge of your mares, yourself, and the Elements of Harmony.” Marble Pie seems especially pleased at that last one. “But first, a question.”

Pinkie Pie fixes Big Mac with a long, weighty stare. It feels like he’s dragging his new plow, except it’s on his back instead of behind him.

“Big Mac,” she says conversationally, as though it was just the two of them in the room, “you have my blessing to herd up with my baby sister.” Big Mac is fairly certain she’s only a few minutes older than Marble Pie, but lets that slide. “And if you’re good enough for my sister, then you’re good enough for my filly. Is it going to bother you that you are kinda-sorta-but-not-really related to my filly, or is there something else about her that you find uncomfortable?”

“Ee-” Big Mac says, not sure how to best answer the question. He doesn’t want to insult anypony. “She should find somepony her own age?”

“I see.” Pinkie Pie taps two hooves together, unconvinced, before turning to her filly. “Lemon, are you going to take advantage of the fact that Big Mac is a work-aholic curmudgeon who should count himself lucky to have you?”

“No?”

“Perfect!” Pinkie Pie exclaims loudly, then whispering (made completely pointless by using the microphone), “Just, maybe, wait a good five years to have a foal, you know? Not because you aren’t ready, but because those mares might not be able to wait, if you know what I’m saying. Especially that skelly one, she looks like she could use a frown turned upside down right now!”

Skellinore tries to grin, made impossible by the fact that she has no muzzle to move. Or maybe she’s always grinning.

“Now,” the partymare announces, “on to the main event!”

Big Mac takes a deep breath. Well, this isn’t so bad. If all he has to do is answer a few questions, then-

Pinkie Pie rears up and slams her hooves down. A loud rumble echoes around the mares, shaking the very foundations of Sugarcube Corner. All of a sudden the walls crash down with a reverberating boom, leaving support beams holding up the upper story, and exposing the entirety of Ponyville surrounding them.

Doug sits at the closest table, and it’s a big one, with Applejack and the rest of the sizable Apple herd, including a drowsy Luna and chipper Celestia, their heavenly manes subdued and tied back so as not to be too much of a distraction in the waning hours of the day. The Rich herd reclines next to them, pleased at the proximity, though Diamond Tiara and Pomarbo are at a small table in between, with a confused Cozy Glow and an irate Silver Spoon. Vinyl Scratch is on the other side of Pinkie Pie inside her DJ station, headphones and shaded glasses on. The rest of Ponyville clusters all around, matched at tables with their herds, or singles giving the other suspiciously arranged singles wary glances, all eyes watching him with a guarded curiosity.

Big Mac’s desire to bolt goes from a slowly declining three to a seven. All of Ponyville will be watching him? Sure, he doesn’t recoil from the spotlight, but what sort of lewd and debasing acts will that crazed mare demand?

Dozens of changeling grubs scurry to and fro, heavy laden with food as brightly colored as their shimmering carapaces. Soon every table is laden with tall piles of apples, every dish and delicacy he could name and a good number he can’t, and a rock, though nopony yet digs in. Only once their assignments are complete does Pinkie Pie continue, booming from Vinyl’s speakers.

“Welcome to the biggest party Ponyville has seen since the Summer Sun Celebration!” Pinkie Pie pauses as everypony stomps their hooves, eyes briefly turning to the three Princesses. Celestia politely waves back while Luna musters a smile, slumping over with a yawn once the attention leaves her. “We welcome five new ponies to Ponyville - assuming everything goes well-” she directs a wink at Big Mac large enough for those in the back row “-and Hedge getting her cutie mark. But, if things go really well, we might even see more than just a herding announcement!”

Chuckles ripple through the crowd that Pinkie Pie quickly quiets down. Big Mac is thankful for this; he can see Hedge is, too, at her dam’s side and glad her accomplishment and celebration is being quickly glossed over.

“But what kind of party would it be if everypony wasn’t involved?” Pinkie Pie motions toward the delicious and varied food piled on every table. “We all know the quickest way to a stallion’s heart is through his stomach, but now it’s your turn! Stallions! You have six minutes to serve your mares and foals their favorite dish! GO!!”

A split second passes before Doug hurdles to his feet, races away from Fluttershy to snatch a basket of red delicious apples and hurl it at Applejack, then a pineapple at Luna. Big Mac can certainly see why, he has the largest herd of anypony there, and he’ll need every spare second to prepare Celestia’s cake from scratch. Rainbow Dash gets a sloppily prepared haydog, loaded with everything, while Twilight gets a double hayburger covered with sauce but missing any trace of cheese. Rarity’s cucumber sandwich on white is impeccable, a dainty bite confirming it as acceptable, while Fluttershy gets a jiggling fruit gelatin. Pinkie Pie snags a tossed bright pink cupcake, eagerly scarfing it down, all without taking her eyes from Big Mac. She gives him an encouraging nod.

Big Mac stares back, wondering why-

Oh, Celestia, he forgot about them! He racks his brain, trying to recall anything he knows about the six mares waiting with growing trepidation about not getting anything to eat tonight.

Misty Fly is first, and he vaguely recalls Rainbow Dash telling him about her. He mixes together gelatin with strawberries, grapes, oranges, and pears, adding extra apples, everything hastily sliced thin. It gets easier to remember as he works. For the main course he gets two leg-long loaves of bread, cuts them down the center, and adds cheese, chili (vegetarian, of course, though the fish is tempting), and extra sour cream. For dessert he finds an already-made cinnamon and cardamom pudding with a pinch of lemon and lots of cream. He suspects Lemon made it, given how she grins as he takes it.

“Exactly right,” Misty Fly says with a note of awe, nibbling the apples out of the gelatin.

Big Mac gives Rainbow Dash a nod, she returns with a wink, and it’s off to Marble Pie. He knows little about her, but Pinkie Pie did mention her own favorite food. He finds a bowl of soup and adds the rock, hoping it isn’t too thin. He certainly likes his meals chunky. He adds an apple to be safe.

“Mmhmm,” Marble Pie grunts, fishing the apple out with a quick thrust.

Cherry Blossom smirks at him, a puzzle he struggles to solve. She’s from Manehattan, but also Las Pegasus, and her sister Cheerilee is from Canterlot. Ugh, he doesn’t have time for this! He finds a deep dish apple fritter, thanks Doug for the use of his speed apple cutter, and spreads the slices as a hasty garnish.

“Eh, close enough,” Cherry Blossom says as she licks off one of the slices.

He gets to Sugar Belle, who smiles back sweetly. His intuition says a pie, but what kind? Apple? Is that too obvious? Whatever, he doesn’t have time to second guess himself, and locates an apple pie that looks like it just came out of the oven seconds ago. Part of him wants to keep this delicacy for himself, it’s too good to give up, and it’s quite likely she baked it herself. Too late, he’s already sliding it toward her, and adding an apple just in case.

Sugar Belle’s nose scrunches up in the most adorable way. “Thanks.”

He’d love to stare at that smile, but he doesn’t have time. For Lemon he takes out a bowl of meringue, and then gives her a lemon.

Lemon rolls her eyes good-naturedly and takes a bite, muzzle puckering at the sour flavor.

Big Mac relents, also giving her an apple, which she grabs with a ferociousness he didn’t expect and chomps down the entirety in a single bite.

Skellinore poses an entirely different problem. Can she even eat? How would he get the food to her? He suddenly brightens, gathering three empty boxes and ripping them into small pieces. He grabs a gallon of milk, chugs half, and adds the cardboard, squashing in an apple for good measure. He violently shakes, glad the carton doesn’t explode, and reduces everything to a fine pulp.

Jug in hoof, he reaches up to press down on the spot just above Skellinore’s bony head. He grins when a small area opens up over her tilted skull, perfectly situated to pour the contents down her gaping jaw. He watches with a morbid fascination as the creamy solution splashes against her muzzle, dribbles down her spine and legs, and coats her marred shoulder blades, ultimately dripping down her ribs and onto the floor.

It doesn’t seem to have worked.

She gives what he hopes is an apologetic smile, emptying her boot of the thick substance. “Sorry,” she rasps. “It works for magical potions, but anything else just goes straight through me.”

“Eeyup,” Big Mac says, saddened by the failure. “Worth a try?”

“Worth a try,” Skellinore agrees as a large bell rings.

“Well done!” Pinkie Pie congratulates as Doug slumps back in his seat, his foals and Ocellus all served in just the nick of time. “Wow, looks like the Apple stallions really know their mares, even the newbies!”

Filthy Rich apologetically taps his hooves while Spoiled Rich looks affronted, pushing away her fine cheese platter in favor of the warm apple fritters the young mares at Pomarbo’s table are eagerly munching. Big Mac can’t help but snort; apparently he and Pomarbo pegged their mares, while other stallions who have been herded for years failed.

“Mares,” Pinkie Pie continues, “it’s your turn to bring da noise! Who’s gonna be the most in sync as we sing Our Harmony’s Hi Hi Hi?”

Karaoke? Big Mac leans against the table, cool as any stallion could be. “Ah’ve been singin’ in the Ponytones for years,” he boasts, inspecting the back of his hoof. “We sing every week, concerts once a month.”

Worried looks pass between the mares. “I know the Cloudsdale anthem and the national,” Misty Fly admits, looking sheepish.

“I only rock,” Marble Pie says. “...What?”

Cherry Blossom shrugs. “I mostly do guttural roars.”

Sugar Belle stares at her hooves.

“One Hearth’s Warming pageant,” Lemon says, staring upward and trying to remember more.

“I’m more of a theremin player,” Skellinore rasps. She mimes wobbling her hooves about. “It’s spooooky.”

The six mares nervously shuffle around. Big Mac puffs his chest out. Nopony wants to challenge the beast of the bass.

“Sugar Belle?” Lemon asks.

“I’ve been a member of Our Harmony for six years,” Sugar Belle confesses, “with close to sixty concerts a year.”

Beads of sweat gather on Big Mac’s coat. Hmm. A challenge?

“Then what are you waiting for?” Cherry Blossom swats Sugar Belle in the flank. “Get up there and show that stallion who’s boss!”

Sugar Belle gulps, but when she gets up it is as if an entirely different pony took her place. She glides one way, then the other, with a series of dance moves so smooth she slides all the way to the center. A flick of her hoof stops Big Mac right where he is. “It’s not gonna be you!”

Oh, it is on!

Applejack whistles long and loud as she and Doug join the center stage, everypony else (perhaps wisely) giving them a wide berth.

Vinyl Scratch raises a record above her head, ready to slam it down onto her turntable, only for Discord to appear behind her and pluck it out of her hoof, smoothly adding one of his own. Titled DSY, it has an image of the draconequus dressed in baggy pants and backwards ball cap, arms splayed out to the sides.

“Hit it!” Pinkie Pie shouts, followed by a descending series of drum beats that leave Big Mac puzzled.

This can’t be-

“~We’re no strangers to love~” Doug serenades before Pinkie Pie tackles him.

“Not this one again!” Pinkie Pie screeches. “Next track!”

Vinyl Scratch shrugs and hits the next track. A heavily synthesized beat booms from the speakers, another tune Big Mac is wholly unfamiliar with. Pinkie Pie gives a big shrug as she hops off Doug, neither worse for wear, and starts bobbing her head. Big Mac finds the tune quite catchy, his leg tapping to the beat.

“Nocard Equus style!” Doug bellows with a lazy roll of his head, following the golden words projected in front of him.

Sugar Belle, however, has turned beet red. “Equus style!” she bellows to the music, along with a clueless Applejack. The mares continue singing, swaying to the beat, tails swishing back and forth.

“An inviting equine mare when the sun is brighter,
A refined mare who knows how to enjoy a glass of cider,
A mare who heats up when her stallion is inside her,
A mare with such a twist?”

Big Mac’s eyes bulge out. No wonder Sugar Belle objects to this song! But what he is not prepared for is the dance Doug breaks into.

Scandalous doesn’t begin to cover it. His hands, those cursed hands that were washing him earlier that day, join at the wrist and kip up and down as he ‘gallops’ about the two mares.

He’s miming riding Applejack as a whorse!

“I am a stallion,
A stallion who loves the warm sun on his coat,
A stallion unafraid of hot cider burning his throat,
A stallion whose heart he would wholly devote,
A stallion ready for such a tryst.”

Mortified, Big Mac can only stare in horror as Doug slides a hand mere inches away from Applejack and Sugar Belle’s flanks, accentuating every sinuous curve and bulge. Sugar Belle relishes the attention, magenta eyes lighting up in delight as he bellows how beautiful and lovely they are.

It only gets worse from there. Rarity and Rainbow Dash leap up to join Applejack, dancing in some silly style that mimes their front hooves spinning a lasso while stomping grapes in the winepress. Lemon implores him to join them as she hops with Sugar Belle, but Big Mac just stands there, transfixed on the draconequus dancing in the center like he’s been there all along.

“Isn’t chaos so delightfully disruptive?” Discord muses as he stops pantomiming the dance moves for Doug and slides over to sling one mismatched arm around Big Mac. The human keeps going, the number of ponies following along doubling again and again with every coarse chorus and verse. “You throw one monkey in the mix, and that change propagates outward until he wrenches the whole operation.” He pulls out what might be a green popcorn kernel, inspecting it closely. “Who knows where we might be if he hadn’t come along?”

Big Mac tries to wrap his head around this, made difficult with the blaring music. Is Discord trying to claim credit for Doug’s appearance, or just commenting on how things might have been different? Well, if he never herded up with Applejack; that would have been a big change, certainly. What would have happened with Rarity, with Rainbow, with Princess Celestia? He steals a glance at the towering alicorn, currently engaged in some solo with Doug before Luna steals him away.

“Ya ain’t talkin’ ‘bout this dance,” he states as the entirety of the town hops to the catchy beat. The noise and chaos of the party seems to subside, fading into the background. “Ya planned all this?”

“All?” Discord smirks, tapping one claw against his long nostril as he tosses a handful of the eerie green and gray seeds into his mouth like popcorn. “It’s amazing what one extra seed will do. Whoops!” One misses, scattering onto the ground and sprouting little black shoots. “Careful,” Discord warns as Big Mac picks it up, his mouth tingling with chaotic energy. “You wouldn’t want to go the same way as your sire, would you?”

Big Mac freezes. His sire? What does Bright Mac have to do with-

Suddenly, it connects: his parents died of acute chaos poisoning, speculated from something his sire had eaten in the Everfree Forest. The Lord of Chaos is munching on these seeds. Could they be the same, presumably planted before Discord’s petrification by Princess Celestia and Luna? Then if Discord did that… then Discord meant for his parents to die?!

Big Mac spits out the seed that plundered the life of his parents. He snarls, “Why, you…”

Lemon’s eyes cross to peer at the seed sticking to her forehead, the draconequus nowhere to be found. She slowly removes it, her muzzle scrunching up as she inspects it. His mouth opens to warn her, but to no avail; all his rage is replaced with horror when she scarfs down the seed like she did the apple.

“Spicy,” she comments, tapping her chest and burping before offering him a hopeful smile. Pinkie Pie, muffled, can be heard directing the ponies on their next task, not that Lemon cares; all her attention is on him. “You doing okay? Like, I saw you over here, and thought that if this was too much we could go somewhere quieter and-”

Lemon cuts off as Big Mac squeezes her tight. Did his parents have to die, taken before their time? But that’s not a question he can put on her, and Discord apparently decided to nope out rather than confront him. “Mah parents,” he sobs into the fluffy mane of one of the ponies who wouldn’t otherwise exist. Oh, Celestia, how can he want his parents restored if it would mean her removal?

“Shh,” she consoles, clueless to the real reason he’s crying. She pats his back as best she can, his tears soaking into her soft coat. “I’m sure they’d be proud of you.” He can feel the smirk, hear it in her voice. “Even if it took longer than they might have thought.”

As much as Big Mac wants to chuckle about her jest - it sure has taken him a while to herd up - he can’t shake the question about how things might have been. He glances up to see the other five mares walking toward him. Well, four, with Skellinore rolling.

“Hogging the stallion to yourself again?” Cherry Blossom asks, smirking.

Big Mac takes a deep breath, attempting to straighten up and present a stoic side. He doesn’t want to be seen as one of those prissy stallions who cry at every little thing

“He doesn’t care for the lights and sound,” Lemon explains.

“Eeyup,” Big Mac agrees, glad for the diversion. It’s technically true. He glances at Sugar Belle, who has reverted to the demure mare who doesn’t seem to care for the stage either. “Ah wouldn’t’a pegged ya as somepony lookin’ for the limelight.”

“Oh, I promise you, I can’t stand all that nonsense,” Sugar Belle explains. “Or anypony so full of themselves! But when our dear leader told you to do something, or somepony, you did it. Now, though?” She bats a hoof, winking. “I’d much rather be baking apple pies, apple fritters, apple turnovers, caramel apples, caramel apple cakes! If I can find the space to display them all.”

“E-e-eeyup,” Big Mac chuckles, his gloom slowly lifting. That won’t be a problem at all; he could go build her some shelves right now! He’d enjoy that a lot more than the party. Plus, it might make her smile again, and he loves seeing that wrinkle-nose cutie face!

“I don’t think any of us would mind baking an Apple of our own,” Cherry Blossom remarks with a wink. The other mares cover their muzzles, but that doesn’t stop the twinkle from reaching their eyes. “You’re big on family, aren’t you?”

“Eeyup.” Big Mac appreciates the forthrightness, even if he thinks they are moving a little quick. “Wouldn’t want more’n two in a year, though, at most.”

Cherry Blossom snickers as she glances at Doug. “Oh, I don’t think any of us are that crazy. And what was up with that dance number?” She groans as she shakes a hind leg.

Big Mac relaxes as the conversation shifts to more benign topics, Lemon and then Sugar Belle snuggling next to him. Maybe this won’t turn out so bad after all.

Next Chapter: Ch. 186 - Overwhelming Odds, Part One Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 38 Minutes