“Equestria’s a big place,” Pinkie Pie explains with a nasally nonchalance. “I’m sure there’s somepony out there less compatible than you.” Her mane sags. “Even if I have been to lots of places.” She wilts even further. “And met lots of ponies. And I mean lots of ponies.”

Doug stares at Pinkie Pie. Did any of my mares actually want to be with me?

“I mean,” Pinkie Pie chuckles, turning her frown upside down, “it’s not like you’re a griffon. Even if you eat like one!”

Worried looks pass between the Pie parents, the soup, and Doug himself.

“And I didn’t need to teach you that much!” Pinkie Pie grins, as though this will smooth over all their problems. “Just a little nudge now and then, or in case something terrible happened!” Her grin grows a touch higher. “Everypony needs a little help now and then, right?” Her ears slump as she fails to elicit that coveted smile. “I should stop digging, huh?”

“I’m sure there’s a gem buried there somewhere,” Doug japes, mussing her mane with an iron grip wrapped in velvet, much like when he held Starlight Glimmer’s horn after she first took his fillies’ cutie marks. He turns to Igneous and Cloudy Quartz, mare firmly in hand. “As you can see, Pinkie Pie was - and still is - staying true to the things you taught her. Just in a more, hmm, colorful manner. Yes?”

“See, look at this guy!” Pinkie Pie springs from Doug’s grasp to perch on his back, staring into his eyes from above. “You can’t get him down! He’s always finding those golden rays of sunshine and looking on the bright side of things! That’s, like, the dictionary definition of Laughter!” She pulls out Twilight’s copy of Predictions and Prophecies and points at the Element of Laughter and a crudely taped picture of Doug modeling the three blue and yellow balloons tattooed on his right thigh. He doesn’t remember her taking that picture. “And that’s why I herded up with him!”

“Yes, you all love to give me every opportunity to show those Tenets.” Doug grins as he reaches up to rub Pinkie Pie’s cheek, getting rewarded with a slobbery kiss to the forehead.

Cloudy Quartz and Igneous exchange a long look. “Perhaps in haste we acted,” the gray mare says. “And time enough we did not give.”

“Mmhmm,” Marble grunts, grinning.

“If in one year they cannot determine?” Igneous snorts as Marble’s grin falls. “This then their place is not.”

Doug leaps at what sounds like the central issue. “You were mad Pinkie Pie didn’t return and work on the rock farm? You thought she betrayed you or your ideals?”

“Disappointed,” Cloudy Quartz corrects. She breaks her gaze away to stare at a wall. “Her many letters did us inform of her intention to stay. T’is not uncommon, for mares especially, for outside’s allure too enticing prove.” She glances at the Pairing Stone.

Doug cuts her off before she can break any sort of ground. “Sorry, that’s not going to happen.”

“Even shouldst Pinkie Pie in the circle of mares be?” Cloudy Quartz frowns as Doug shakes his head. “Shouldst she be the only mare?”

“Pinkie Pie wanted to go,” Limestone breaks in. “And we don’t need anypony forcing their way into our family!”

“Mm,” Marble grunts unhappily.

“She doesn’t say much,” Lemon remarks to Meringue, who doesn’t say anything. “Kind of like you!” Lemon pokes her sister as her grin turns conspiratorial. “And not unlike somepony else we know.”

“...Fluttershy?”

“True, but.” Lemon smirks even wider. “Somepony else.”

Meringue’s head slowly tilts as she studies Marble Pie, from her soft smile and shy demeanor to her full flanks. “Good essence. Recombination of sequences… likely.”

Lemon scoots under the table to wrap a foreleg around a cheek-reddening Marble. “So, you like life on the farm? I imagine it gets… lonely here.”

Marble Pie’s blush deepens. “Mm…hmm.”

“What my baby sister is trying to say,” Pinkie Pie says before Limestone cuts her off.

“How would you know what she’s trying to say?” Limestone glares. “It’s not like you’ve been around!”

“Oh, that’s easy!” Pinkie Pie explains to Doug, “I did all the talking for her when I was growing up!” She turns back to Limestone. “And she’s saying that we should stick to the question at hoof. Boring, I know, but that’s life around here!”

Doug grimaces; he’s glad for the time their digression gave him to mull over the contentious issue, though doubts his answer is the one she wants. “As a formality? Sorry, no. It’s just, that, I feel that… I feel that cheating your system that way is wrong. If I can force the outcome I want, why not anypony else? And, besides, the gist of your system is that anypony can be with anypony else and make it work. My eclectic herd proves that is a paradigm I already operate in.”

“Many things taketh we for granite,” Cloudy Quartz, so solemnly Doug nearly misses the twinkle in her eye. “But shouldst one filly return, would there not be possibility for three?”

“Of Maud’s loyalty there is no doubt, despite her prideful pursuit.” Igneous grunts. “Pinkie Pie’s return remaineth uncertain.”

“Yeah, Pinkie,” Limestone chips in. “You want your ‘baby sister’ to be able to talk again, don’t you?”

Pinkie Pie’s face screws up in confusion. “Wait, what?” She gasps, hooves covering her muzzle. “You mean she’s staying silent because of me!?”

“In protest, until thy return is assured,” Igneous states.

“It’s until,” Limestone corrects, though she looks pained to do so, “we are on speaking terms.”

“What would it take to get there?” Doug asks, finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

“She wouldst to the farm returneth,” Igneous says. He glances at Limestone for confirmation. “The eastern fields have most need of turning.”

Limestone huffs. “Nopony buys those stones.”

“Earthly profit shouldst not a concern be,” Igneous councils.

Limestone scowls. “When you’re in danger of losing the farm it is.”

“Harmony will provide,” Igneous states, “as she always has.”

Doug blurts out, “Bits are a concern?” He glances at himself; it’s not that they are rolling in bits, but with the Cider Squeezy, and the uptick in Rarity’s business, and Pomarbo’s potential herding with Diamond Tiara?

Limestone turns her scowl on him. “We don’t need your charity.”

“Daughter,” Cloudy Quartz rebukes. “Generosity entails accepting others' assistance.”

Limestone Pie snorts, even as her eyes flick to the switch. “Yeah, well, Generosity is Octavio’s specialty, not mine.”

Doug, trying to keep it civil, asks, “You’ve been doing this for a long time. Why the trouble now?”

Limestone grunts. “You want the honest truth? Fine. We paid our taxes with precious stones, ores, whatever enchanting material we happened to dig up. Not gonna lie, it was a pretty lucrative deal, since only the royal guard uses the types and quantity we find. But then, about four or five years ago, around the time Maud left, a startup sprouted up. Diamond Dog Digging Company. Located in Equestria, so they bypassed the tariffs and ‘Buy Equestria’ policies that keeps manufacturing pony.”

Four or five years ago? Doug does his best to keep his expression level as he gulps.

“Then, when Princess Luna returned?” Limestone looks torn between vicarious delight at Celestia’s fortune and dismay at their resulting misfortune. “A lot of those government deals crumbled away, what with the lack of looming invasion. And selling private is tough, with changeling competition and increased imports from the dragons.”

“All a sill to the prime problem,” Igneous sternly says. “Our harmony she so recklessly rent, disappearing mere moons after attaining her mark. United we would have stood, with beacons of loyalty and honesty and laughter and kindness and generosity to follow. Instead we are fractured, a fault line that may well destroy our entire foundation.”

The pieces slowly come together. The government - Celestia - funding ponies whose beliefs give them a high likelihood of exemplifying the Elements? He had never thought of his mares as particularly ‘destined’ to become the holders of the Elements of Harmony. How many other ‘projects’ like this had she encouraged, seeing as she could not have a direct hoof in their actions. At least, not if she wanted her Sister to remain as anything other than Nightmare Moon.

“And speaking of fault lines,” Limestone warns, “don’t go anywhere near Holder’s Boulder!”

“Noted.” Doug takes a deep breath, then focuses on Igneous. “I am sure Pinkie Pie didn’t mean to break apart your family.” Did he know Celestia’s intentions? Regardless, it worked out, it shouldn’t matter. “And now she is spreading Laughter everywhere she goes, to anypony she meets.”

Igneous regards Doug for a long time before solemnly addressing Pinkie Pie. “Is this true?”

Pinkie Pie grins. “Of course it is, silly!” Igneous looks anything but silly. “Don’t get me wrong, I would have loved staying here, it’s just…” She looks around at the monotone decorations, the plain food, and the dour atmosphere. “My calling was elsewhere. You know? I never meant to break this family apart! Or go against what you and Nana Pie taught me! But instead to spread that same joy to everypony!”

Little bits of stone chip away from Igneous’ muzzle as he finally smiles. “Then t’is with a gladdened heart that to our humble home we welcome. Please, help thyself.”

“Don’t mind if I do!” Pinkie Pie blurs, giving her parents and sisters a gigantic hug each between piling the remaining food high upon her plate. She devours the entirety in one go. She groans, lost in ecstasy as her cutie mark glows.

“So,” Marble says to Lemon and Meringue, clearing her throat as she gets used to talking again. “Pinkie Pie says you two live on a farm, too?”

“Yup!” Lemon sweeps her hoof from one side to the other. “Sweet Apple Acres, home of the best apples in Equestria! And the best Apples, too.” She winks in case the uppercase ‘A’ wasn’t clear enough. “Apple trees as far as the eye can see! It’s a lot of land for them; we’d help out when we were younger, but now we spend most of our time at Sugarcube Corner when we’re not at school.”

“Pinkie’s bakery? She’s said a lot about it.” Marble’s soft grin drops for a moment. “And… you stopped working on the farm? Even though they needed your help?”

“It’s a tough call,” Lemon counsels, emboldened by her mark despite the disapproving glances Cloudy and Igneous send her way. “I doubt we’ll stay at Sugarcube forever, either; there are many places we, and you, could go in life. And I’m sure we'll be happy at any or all of them, especially with what your parents taught you.” She grins at her grandparents, mollifying their concern if only marginally. “The important thing is to follow your mark!”

“And, um,” Marble says, half-hiding behind her mane. “Pinkie might have mentioned an… apple-farming hunk?”

Lemon breaks into an uncontrollable series of giggles, grunts, and guffaws. Limestone ribs her sister from the other side, words lost in the uproarious laughter.

“T’is as we feared,” Igneous states somberly. “The further fracturing of our family.”

“True,” Doug says, “but it looks to me like you’ve raised a number of winners. I’m sure they’ll do great, if Pinkie Pie is anything to go by. And… if you need any help…”

“Neigh about us worry,” Cloudy Quartz nods. “In Harmony must we trust.”

Marble Pie staggers over, a heady grin plastered on her muzzle. “Dam? Sire?” She takes a deep breath. “Um, do I have your blessing to go home with Pinkie?”

“Sight unseen?” Cloudy Quartz considers for a moment, then turns to Doug. “Dost thy brother-in-law follow the Tenets of Harmony?”

“His whole family has a penchant for Honesty,” Doug says, nodding. “And he follows the rest just as closely.”

“Then with our blessing dost thy depart.” Cloudy Quartz embraces her filly in a warm hug, followed shortly by Igneous and the rest of the Pies.

Next Chapter: Ch. 166 - Natural Affinity, Part One Estimated time remaining: 5 Hours, 52 Minutes