Off Duty

by awf

First published 7th of April, 2020

After centuries of ruling Equestria without a single day off, Princess Celestia is driven to true desperation: selling herself into slavery as a vacation on Earth, the one place she can go without being recognized.

After centuries of ruling Equestria without a single day off, Princess Celestia is driven to true desperation: selling herself into slavery as a vacation on Earth, the one place she can go without being recognized. Can the sovereign ruler of Equestria adjust to the role of a domestic servant? Can this simpler life give her the peace and relaxation she desires?
More importantly, what happens when she meets her fellow ponies who do not have a way out of their predicament. Can she bring them back? Will they even want to leave?

Prologue

Metal clinked against stone in a steady, if somewhat irregular rhythm. Celestia mused on this as she subconsciously tried to match strides with her shorter sister. It took some effort, but it was the easy kind of effort. No pony lives depended on her success.

"Do not implement this plan, Sister," Luna said in as commanding a voice as she could muster with her older sibling. "Nothing is to be gained from this venture!"

There was no answer, but it did not deter the fierce alicorn in the slightest. "We- I am certain we can find another way! These apes can not be trusted!"

Luna's efforts were in vain. Celestia was implacable. She had thought long about what she was about to do and it was indeed the only way. Humans were often greedy and untrustworthy, true, but they were not brutes. They understood the languages of diplomacy and negotiation. They understood money. Before the two worlds had collided, the ruling Princess of Equestria had considered the exact same plan, only with minotaurs or griffins in place of humans. She had always found the prospect too dangerous.

"We have been over this, Luna. Wherever I go, however well I hide, ponies find me. There is always another problem, another crisis. It has been a thousand years since I had a vacation."

She had stopped and tilted her younger sister's chin up with a primary feather. Yes, she was afraid. Of course she was nervous. In spite of those, Celestia was pleased to note, the wing was perfectly steady.

"Griffins, minotaurs, dogs - even the distant nations will not do. I am too well known on our world. But this new Earth; that has possibilities. The humans do not know me. I can be just another pony to them."

Luna was unconvinced. "But this is madness, Sister! Surely the tasks are not so onerous that they require escape? Surely I could take some of thy burden instead?"

The older sister grinned wryly. What the younger alicorn didn't notice was that ancient forms crept into her speech when she was flustered, or when she was lying. "We tried that too, remember? Once you came back I hoped - I really did - that you could take the throne sometimes. How long was it before a 'disaster' needed my attention?" Celestia signed the quotes around the word with her wings. It made Luna look away in embarrassment, but she answered nevertheless: "An hour."

"Forty-seven minutes, Sister. I had barely gotten into my bath before you were knocking on my door, panicking."

Now the night-blue alicorn blushed in recollection. "Thy insight is valuable, Sister." She looked up with new determination. "I shall try again! You can have your vacation whilst I handle the court! Give me another chance."

Her earnest plea made Celestia laugh pleasantly. She didn't blame her sister for the failures. She wasn't mad at Luna. If anything, her deference to her older sibling was flattering.

"The second time - correct me if I'm wrong - I was barely out of the throne room when you galloped after me."

Luna had remembered this, too, but the pony had been hoping that her sister had forgotten. She didn't have a reply, so she changed track again. "Surely, with your experience, ruling is not such a chore?" The smaller pony had placed herself physically in Celestia's path.

"My decisions save lives, Luna. Or destroy them. Even something as simple as breakfast has consequences."

This took Luna by surprise. "Surely breakfast is immaterial? What lives could be affected by the choice between toast and eggs?"

Now Celestia sighed sadly. It should not matter, but it did. When she had found out, the Princess opted to prepare her breakfast by herself from then on. "Different cooks prepare each. If I pick one over the other, one pony is happy, but the other miserable. Such heartbreak over such a simple choice. And each day is filled with them, Luna. I need to get away from it all, at least for a while."

Finally, the dark-blue alicorn saw there was no winning this argument. "How long," she asked flatly.

"Only a few months. A year at the most."

"And what shall I do in thy absence?"

"Rule. Make decisions. Tend to the sun and the moon. I have complete confidence in your abilities, Sister. You will chose correctly if the temptation to consult me is removed."

What Celestia didn't add was that perhaps, after a year of Luna's blunders, some ponies would finally come to respect just how much knowledge, effort and sheer gut feeling went into leading the pony nation. She had not lied - the alicorn believed Luna quite capable of handling all the 'disasters' her subjects usually brought before her. Perhaps she would even lose her patience a few times. Maybe it would reduce the amount of frivolous requests. If anything really big happened, Twilight and the Elements of Harmony would handle it, as they always have. Plus, they did not call Luna the 'Warrior Princess' for nothing. Even if every other pony in Equestria didn't agree, Celestia knew that day-to-day ruling wasn't quite that essential.

"Come, Sister. The human is waiting for us."

Slowly, grudgingly, the smaller alicorn stepped out of the way. She still didn't like the idea, but she would go along with the plan.

Chapter 1

The human had been provided tea and refreshments, so he would have something to occupy his time. And he certainly wouldn't mind the brief rest after he heard their proposal. As it was, the hairless face registered only the slightest annoyance at being kept waiting, but it was gone before Celestia could be sure she had seen it. Reading human expressions had become a necessary skill for the Princess. She idly wondered how Luna would deal with all that diplomacy.

She made a mental note to remind her sister not to threaten violence. From what she had seen, the humans posed significant threat if a war should break out.

In the present, however, the Princess approached the seated human and inclined her head politely. It wasn't quite a bow, but it could be taken that way.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice, Mr. Plain."

The name suited the man. Even in the sea of similar human faces, his was as nondescript as it went. The most significant feature was his graying hair. The suit was similar: simple black and white with the tie providing the only splash of color. Compared to him, Celestia practically shone like a rainbow.

"My pleasure," the human lied, "what is this about, Princess?" He glanced from one sister to the other. One expression was eager, expectant and interested, if slightly worried, while the other was sullen and mistrustful.

Celestia decided to go straight to the point. "I will not steal any more of your time, Mr. Plain. Due to certain... unexpected developments, I have decided to give you my contract. Your auction has, even among ponies, the reputation of fairness."

It was a sore point and Celestia couldn't make her face show dispassion. Her subjects - her ponies! - have been taken from their homes and sold as pets on Earth. She had put a stop to it; the humans had listened to her threats once they realized she could control the sun and the moon. But even while many ponies were being returned, a lot of them remained in captivity.

She had to admit - the humans had turned remarkably quickly. There was no more silent foalnapping in the night. Laws were being enacted to protect the pony slaves against the violence of their human masters. It appeared that the human governments, of which there were many, were really trying to accommodate her wishes and return her subjects to her, however slowly the wheels of diplomacy and bureaucracy turned.

Unfortunately, at the same time, the more industrious humans found new opportunities. Human advancements in science were highly sought after, and especially their medicine could sometimes do what even magic could not. Out of desperation, some daughters sold themselves to help their families. Some siblings accepted servitude to save their sisters from certain death. There was always something the humans could provide.

Celestia had time to consider all that before the human recovered. But then, immediately, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You? Do you expect me to believe that you, of all people, are broke?"

"It is not money we are after, Mr. Plain. It is medicine."

It had taken ages to find an appropriate family. A young filly, wasting away from a debilitating illness - one which humans could cure. When she had approached them, the parents had been ecstatic. That alone, perhaps, validated her decision as a good one.

The man still couldn't believe it. "Well? Why don't you just pay for it?"

He conveniently forgot the fact that, since Equestrians mainly traded with gold, the human governments, fearing the collapse of their currencies and economy, had strictly forbidden transport of all precious metals from the ponies' world to Earth. Physically, the ponies were very wealthy in human eyes. Politically, they had no money whatsoever.

Access through the portals was tightly controlled. Black markets cropped up every now and then, but they were quickly and relentlessly crushed by the human authorities. The Princess sighed and fought back exasperation with the constant maneuvering and deception that was so commonplace in diplomacy.

"You know as well as I do that this is impossible, for now. The things we are allowed to trade do not have nearly enough value."

The human wanted to be thorough. "Okay, then why you? Why not someone else? After all, you're much more indispensable to your people than, for example, a maid or a cook."

This answer came naturally to Celestia. She hadn't had to prepare it in advance. "I could not ask one of my ponies to make a sacrifice I, myself, was unwilling to make."

"Commendable. Stupid, but commendable. Okay, Princess, I'll level with you. What's the catch?"

She raised a carefully controlled eyebrow.

"Catch?"

The human sighed and pushed his chair back. It looked like he was about to stand up and leave. "Don't pretend I'm stupid, your Highness. I know you aren't, either. And I know you're not telling me something. If you want my help, you'll have to be upfront with me."

Luna looked at the older sister with alarm. "Do not! Tis a trick!" Celestia, however, was determined. She lit her horn and carefully nudged the chair back against the table. The human, seeing her defeat, didn't fight it.

"Very well. I want... a vacation."

He laughed, as if she had told him a joke. But when neither she, nor Luna joined in, the man fell silent. He blinked in surprise. "You're serious?!"

"Do understand, Mr. Plain. I have been unable to have a vacation in over a thousand years. Wherever I go, however well I hide, ponies recognize me; how could they not? And always I am treated like... well, like royalty. And each time some problem or other is brought for me to solve. But on Earth, nopony- pardon, no one knows me."

They looked at each other for a short while, then the human opened his mouth to speak. But the Princess was faster. "And before you suggest it, you know very well that I cannot simply visit your world, not without a diplomatic reason and all the pomp and ceremony that entails. Like you said - neither of us is stupid. The best way is incognito."

If he was miffed that the pony had guessed his words, the human didn't show it. He quickly found another problem to bring up. "That's all very well, but how am I supposed to get you past the controls? You're not exactly inconspicuous. Most people on Earth don't know what an alicorn is, but the customs people do."

Now Celestia smiled pleasantly. "A disguise spell. I will be a pony criminal who has been sent into slavery in lieu of a death sentence." To demonstrate, her horn lit up and the Princess was enveloped in a cloud of brilliant yellow, almost exactly like sunlight. When it faded, a new pony stood before the slaver.

She was a simple earth pony, an unremarkable cyan with a green mane. She was shorter even than Luna. Her hoofguards and ceremonial vest looked comically oversized. When Celestia opened her mouth even her voice was different.

"Meet 'Supple Branch', a convicted murderer."

Impressed, despite himself, Mr. Plain jumped to his feet and walked around the disguised alicorn. He whistled to himself. "Impressive," he said. "Yeah, I reckon this could work. But you can't stay like that for long, can you? Otherwise you'd be taking your vacations as that," he guessed correctly, waving his hands towards the disguised Princess.

Celestia shook her head. "I cannot maintain this spell indefinitely, no. If not sooner, it will slip away when I have to sleep. Once we are past the border checks, I will revert to my usual shape. You must find a buyer who doesn't know much about ponies."

The man looked doubtful, but Celestia knew it was an act - an attempt to increase his profits. "I dunno," he said slowly. "It could be tricky."

With another flash of light, the Princess reverted to her usual visage. She had a feeling that size mattered when dealing with humans, just as much as it did with ponies.

"You are the best in your line of work, are you not? And while I do not approve of what you do, I cannot prevent it without curtailing my ponies' basic freedoms. Despite that, I believe I can trust you to fulfill your end of this agreement."

Luna finally added her opinion. "Trick us, and I shall make you regret it! I will come after you!"

The human waved the threat away. "Sorry, Princess, but that doesn't scare me. You'll never make it past the border. You've seen machine guns, haven't you?"

Despite being smaller than Celestia, the night-blue alicorn knew how to loom impressively. She was just tall enough to look the human right in his face when she raised herself up proudly. Her smile was cold and merciless.

"We do not need to visit thy world to hunt you, human. The Dream spans all worlds. And I am its Mistress!"

It had a profound effect. The man gulped and backed away, wide-eyed. Undoubtedly he was imagining what kind of powers Luna might have in dreams. But he didn't know. Even most ponies didn't know. There were legends, but no hard facts. Nightmare Moon was still vivid in memories, enough so that some fear had spilled over to the humans who visited.

Celestia wrapped a comforting wing around the man's shoulders, as if to shield him from her sister. It was time to seal the deal. "Do not worry, Mr. Plain. My sister worries too much for my safety. I believe you will conduct yourself with honor and integrity in this task. No drastic measures will be required, will they?"

He managed to shake his head. But then he remembered something else. "Hey, you said 'vacation'. What happens when you've had enough of slavery? You run away and what? I smuggle you back?" The human had all but accepted. Celestia was in equal parts thrilled and afraid.

"If necessary. Consider it one of your obligations under our agreement."

It took a while and the ponies waited with held breath. But eventually, the human nodded. Celestia relaxed. Greed could always be counted upon.

"Yeah, I guess we can make it work."

Before he could change his mind, the alicorn held out a hoof for the human to shake. He did so, if a little hesitantly. "Excellent, Mr. Plain. We shall, of course, work out all the details. For now, please enjoy the amenities of this castle while I go and set my affairs in order."

"Yeah... you do that," he man said slowly.

"Oh, and I did not lie when I said a pony needs treatment. After all, you can't expect your customs officers to accept that you had gotten a slave for free, can you?"

Another nod. "Yeah, I suppose that's right. Fine, I'll get you the treatment. Anything else?"

Celestia just smiled pleasantly and left. A moment later, the younger sister also walked out, her eyes never leaving the human's. Her expression promised swift and horrible vengeance should anything happen to the Princess.

"Just what have I gotten myself into?" Mr. Plain asked the empty room.

Chapter 2

Incredibly, fantastically soon, Celestia was sitting in the back seat of a car, heading to her new home. They had deemed it safest that she remain in disguise during her travel, so the pony that looked out the window at the rushing landscape was 'Supple Branch', a plain earth mare. Of course her new owner - a certain 'Mr. Gregory Rawsthorne' - knew her real name and what she looked like. The auctioneer had chosen his customer well and Mr. Rawsthorne had no clue who or what she was. He didn't have a clue about alicorns or their status. To him she was just another pony.

"Tell me about him again, Mr. Plain. And this time, please do not skip details."

His first introduction of the buyer had been nothing more than a few hurried sentences as he bundled the mare up and led her to his car.

"Okay. He's a moderately wealthy man - naturally, since he was able to afford you. Some big lawyer, I think. Has his name on the building, so he's an associate or the owner, I'm not sure which. Single, never married, no kids. Apparently he's a workaholic, much like you, Your Majesty."

The mare waved a hoof. "Please, 'Celestia' will do at this point. Let's not reveal too much to Mr. Rawsthorne."

"Sure thing. Anyway, he's forty-something, lives in a house some ways from the city. The main reason he bought you is for the housework. He has a maid over occasionally, but nothing on a permanent basis. It sounds to me he read about your... subjects, and now he wants one to keep his house in order and cook. That's about all I know."

"So, my tasks will be..." She left the sentence hanging in the air and sought out Mr. Plain's face in the rear view mirror. He glanced back, then kept on talking.

"Cleaning the place, cooking, serving the meals, that sort of thing. Also laundry and maybe some light gardening. Nothing too onerous. It may not even be a full-time job, so you'll have plenty of freedom."

There was one big question left. She had considered making it a stipulation of her contract with Mr. Plain, but in the end decided against it.

She had heard rumors. Some humans were very... affectionate toward ponies. Celestia was certain she could fend off any untoward advances, but maybe it would have been wise to have some form of legal protection written into whatever contract her buyer signed.

In the end she hadn't mentioned that. Even when Mr. Plain had brought the question up, she had simply waved it away and moved on. It was an embarrassing thought, hidden deep down where nopony could find it. The alicorn was lonely. With the stress of ruling Equestria, there never seemed to be a good time for a dalliance. And with her subjects either afraid, or in awe of her, there had been very few chances. She didn't know yet how she felt about... a human. But the mare didn't want to rule it out completely. Legal stipulations were far too definitive for her taste.

"Will he require... my affection?"

It didn't take long for Mr. Plain to answer. "I'm not sure, but I'm leaning toward 'no'. The guy isn't exactly a public figure, but at first glance he appears to be a gentleman. I don't think you need to worry about it."

"That is good." The pony firmly squashed a tinge of disappointment. "Anything else I should know?"

"You memorized the phone number?"

Celestia quickly recited it to herself. It was a very important piece of information - a means for her to contact Mr. Plain once she was done with her 'vacation' and escaped from this Rawsthorne. She would have to find a public pay phone and dial the numbers he had given her. Then, someone from the auction would come to collect her and they would arrange for her return to Equestria. The machine didn't seem too complicated, but she had memorized the instructions too.

"It's a box with the word 'Telephone', usually blue or red. Inside, I pick up the 'headset' from the hook and drop the coins in a slit. Then I wait for the slow beeping noise and type in... hmm, yes. Plus, one..." She quickly recited the long sequence of numbers. Mr. Plain fished a piece of paper from his coat pocket and checked it. "That's right. Make sure you remember it. If you don't, I'll make up some excuse in, say, about three months and drop by for a visit."

"Thank you, Mr. Plain. As discussed, you will be paid in small jewels - such as are easily secreted about your person - when I am safely back in Canterlot."

He grunted and focused on his driving again. The mare was, at the same time, calm and worried, so she focused her gaze on the distant hills. The world was drab and uninspiring. Most of that was probably due to the weather, which was overcast and rainy. In addition, the day was coming to an end, so the darkness seemed even more oppressive. She knew that humans didn't have the ability to control their weather, like ponies did. But now she wished they could. She didn't believe in omens, but meeting her new owner on a day like this would surely be a bad one.

The alicorn closed her eyes and felt for the sun. It was impossibly distant and she sighed. There was no way for her to budge it, no matter how hard she tried. Truly, this was an alien place. For a moment, worry overtook her excitement and Celestia wondered if she had made a mistake in coming.

"We're here."

The words brought the Princess from a thoughtless reverie. As she came to, Celestia saw the house. At first she thought it wasn't very large - used to the scale and grandeur of the Canterlot Palace - but when she realized that Rawsthorne lived alone her opinion changed. The place really was big for one human. It was still ugly. All straight edges and rectangles. 'Modern', she had heard Mr. Plain say once.

The pony focused on the surrounding countryside instead. The view was amazing. Rolling hills and forests, exquisitely painted in the colors of autumn. She had spent most of her life in ornate rooms and finely decorated hallways, but now her hooves itched to run through the resplendent countryside. Celestia smiled to herself. Maybe the house wasn't all she had hoped for, but the scenery was lovelier than she had imagined. She could see that, even in the rain and the dimming, overcast daylight.

"Come in, come in!" a new voice was saying. While she had been taking in the view, Celestia hadn't been paying much attention to Mr. Plain, who had gone to knock on the door. Now she was awarded her first glance of her 'owner'. Rawsthorne was shorter than her. Somehow, that seemed important. Beyond that, the pony had little reference. The face looked normal. The eyes seemed fine. The hair was graying a little, but still thick. Her owner, the mare decided, was a very unremarkable human.

Mr. Plain introduced her simply as 'Celestia', which was perfectly fine by her. But Rawsthorne just looked at her uncomprehendingly. Too late she realized that she was still disguised.

"I thought I was buying some kind of unicorn," the man said with a touch of disappointment in his voice. His invitation to enter seemed to be revoked because he kept blocking the doorway.

"You did! Sorry, Mr. Rawsthorne. I travelled in disguise." In moments she released the spell and felt herself return to her accustomed height and shape. She had never truly thought about where her wings went, she just knew that she couldn't feel them at all. For that matter, since her little demonstration to Mr. Plain, Celestia had also amended the spell so it would hide any clothing she wore and return it when she changed back.

That part wasn't strictly essential, but she had had some extra time while she waited for the auctioneer and working on a spell was better than pacing up and down the room nervously.

The human was impressed, but also suspicious. He eyed her peytral and hoofguards briefly, before dismissing them as unimportant. "And why do you need to travel in disguise?" he asked. He addressed his next question to the auctioneer. "Did you sell me a stolen pony, Mr. Plain? I explicitly said-"

Celestia quickly tried to take charge of the conversation. "Forgive us, Mr. Rawsthorne. My appearance might raise some comment and we wished to escape undue notice. I assure you, Mr. Plain had gotten me perfectly lega-"

Rawsthorne raised up a hand and she fell silent in shock. He barely glanced at her and continued talking to Plain. "You also promised she is well behaved."

Even the auctioneer was a little taken aback. "What? She was just answering the question."

Her owner shrugged. "True, but I did not ask her. I asked you."

Plain sighed and opened a slim briefcase. He brought out a sheaf of papers. "Here, this is all the paperwork. I assure you that Celestia came to my auction legally. All the documents are in order, you can check."

"I will," the man said simply. He stood aside to let the pair inside. Mr. Plain went first, because Rawsthorne wanted to speak with the pony.

"You can perform simple household tasks?"

"Yes, sir. Sorry! Yes, Master!"

He frowned a bit at the title. "No, I don't like that. You will call me 'Mr. Rawsthorne', or 'Gregory' for preference. None of that 'Master' business."

Celestia was quick to spot the hypocrisy. "But you are, in fact, my owner. I have to obey every command?"

For the first time since she saw him, Rawsthorne smiled, at least a little. "To answer the first: Yes. And the second: It depends. I expect you to follow reasonable orders without question. I will not mind you asking for clarification, but I will not have you demanding my reasons for every single request I make. Do you understand?"

"Of course, Gregory. I am- I used to be a skilled diplomat. I know when to obey and when to ask for details."

"Good. Your first task is to brew a pot of tea for me and Mr. Plain. You should find everything you need in the kitchen. Second door on the right. When you are done, bring it to the conference room, that is two doors down and across the hall. You may also bring a cup for yourself."

She paid very close attention to the instructions. It would not do to fail such a simple task so quickly after her arrival. She almost ran off to do it, but remembered just in time and looked back to her owner.

"Of course, Gregory. Anything else?"

It earned her an approving nod, which in turn made her happy. The man was strict and precise, true. But he also seemed reasonable. She would not be subjected to whims, at least. Even from their first interaction, Celestia knew that she could expect fair treatment and precisely defined work. And - most importantly - she would not have to make many important decisions! No lives would hang in the balance. The worst that might come from her mistakes would be a stern talking to. Rawsthorne didn't look like the sort to beat her.

"That is all, for now. When we're done with the paperwork and the money, I will show you to your room and explain your tasks to you."

The mare sought for something to say and went for the line her own Palace staff had been saying to her for millennia.

"Very good, sir."

Chapter 3

She didn't even have to decide which tea to brew! Rawsthorne only had one sort. All the cups were the same, so she didn't have to pick the crockery. Also the sugar, which she had found by smell, was just cubes in a bowl. The job had required exactly one decision: whether to boil the water on the stove, or use her magic.

The first presented a problem. The part of the kitchen which Celestia decided was the stove seemed completely incomprehensible to her. Sleek black surface with several white rings drawn on. There were no knobs, nor any holes where the fire might come from. She resolved to ask Rawsthorne how it worked, but for now she had simply heated the water with a quick flash of her horn.

When she walked into the meeting room with the entire tea set floating behind her, she drew amazed looks from both humans.

"That was fast," Mr. Plain said. He was used to levitation, but had forgotten that she had other spells at her disposal. Her new owner just seemed impressed by the floating objects. She made a show of setting the table. Saucers floated and gently touched the wood just in time for the cups to land on them. Spoons swam around the air while she poured the tea. She didn't even have to look at the sugar bowl to place it exactly in the middle.

It was like a smooth, intricate dance and she timed it perfectly. The moment the last cup was filled all the spoons landed at once. She kept the teapot floating for a moment more, then set it down beside the sugar in case anyone wanted a refill. The magic was elementary and one she had been using nearly every day of her life. Of course she was good at it!

She could read the wonder and astonishment in Mr. Rawsthorne's face, however well he tried to hide them. She smiled pleasantly and politely waited for him to begin.

He picked up the spoon and examined it. "Impressive," he said at last. He put the utensil back down and took the cup without putting any sugar in. Celestia was horrified. Tea without sugar was simply unthinkable!

She debated with herself if she should sweeten her own cup at all - if Mr. Plain didn't take any, the mare would feel like a glutton if she did.

Luckily the auctioneer added several lumps and Celestia gratefully matched his number. She took a sip and was impressed. 'Earl Grey' the box had said, but it was good despite the drab name.

The humans continued their business. It was mostly legal talk, and revolved entirely about the fine details of her contract. She knew it all, so she didn't have to pay particular attention to it. But she still watched her owner, ready for any little job he might have for her while he and Mr. Plain discussed the final few points.

At long last, they stood up, shook their hands and said their goodbyes.

"Celesta, please see our guest to the door. Then put all this away and come find me in the living room."

"Of course, Gregory."

She walked Plain to the entrance, where he stopped and looked up at her worriedly. "You sure this will be okay? He looks kind-of demanding. You're not going to have much fun like this."

The mare couldn't help but laugh. "On the contrary, Mr. Plain. I have had the most peaceful few days I can remember in the past thousand years. Do you know how many life-or-death decisions I have had to make today?"

He stared at her in confusion.

"None! Having someone else in control of the smallest details of my life is remarkably liberating."

Now he clearly thought she was crazy, but didn't say anything about it. "Well, just remember the number."

"Thank you, Mr. Plain. Goodbye!"

She closed the door after the man and waited until his car started. Then she went to pick up the tea set and took it to the kitchen. She briefly considered washing it, but Rawsthorne hadn't told her to do that. He just said to 'put it away'. Besides, she couldn't see the soap and didn't relish the idea of rummaging around for it. Instead, the pony went to look for her new master in her new home.

It wasn't hard, despite the size of the mansion. She followed the sounds and wondered why Rawsthorne needed so many rooms if he lived alone. The pony found her owner on a large, comfortable-looking couch. He was staring at a window-

No, Celestia realized. That wasn't a window. It was a rectangle and she could see people and objects in it, but the image changed to show different angles. A faint rumor tickled her memory.

"This is a 'tele-vision', sir?"

The human had heard her approach - the hoofguards weren't exactly stealthy. But he hadn't taken his eyes off the magic rectangle until she spoke. "You haven't seen a TV yet?" he asked, a little surprised.

"I have not been in your world for very long."

Her explanation was accepted. The man picked up a smaller black box and showed her. It had tiny bumps with writing and symbols on them, but the Princess couldn't make heads nor tails of it.

"This is how we control the television. It can show us images from anywhere in the world. Exactly how it works is immaterial right now, but perhaps the easiest way to understand it is like a window. One for which we can choose where it faces."

Rawsthorne pushed some of the bumps on the smaller rectangle and the picture changed. It showed a bunch of humans standing in a square, listening to a finely-dressed human on a balcony. Then it showed cars, driving very fast. Then a woman was explaining something - before the image changed, Celestia recognized the words 'Thursday' and 'Friday', with little pictures of clouds under them. Finally, the view returned to the one it had been showing when she entered. Some serious-looking men, standing around a shining green table. There were colored balls on the green surface and one of the men sighted down a stick at the orbs. A voice - Celestia couldn't see the speaker, spoke some numbers and, she guessed, human names.

As curious as she was, the mare knew there would be time to explore these marvels. Right now, her top priority was to make as good a first impression as possible.

"The table is clear. Should I wash the dishes?"

Rawsthorne waved a hand. "Just stack them in the dishwasher for now. they can wait until dinner." He saw her blank stare and almost smiled. "I will show you later." His attention returned to the television.

"Would you like me to begin preparing dinner?"

"Oh, that's right. Mr. Plain said you can cook. What can you make?"

"What would you like, sir?"

She knew that the man immediately recognized her deflection. But he didn't seem to mind. "Would it be rude if I asked you to cook meat?"

The question was not one she was prepared for and it flustered her for a few seconds, but the pony quickly rallied. "If you give me the recipe and do not force me to eat it with you, then I would be happy to try."

In truth, the idea of having anything to do with dead flesh revolted her. But maybe, if she plugged her nose, didn't pay too close attention and used her magic, rather than hooves, it would be okay?

The man laughed at her expression, even as she desperately tried to hide it. "Don't worry, I won't make you chop up a chicken or something like that. How about something vegetable for today? Come, I will show you the pantry and you can decide for yourself."

The tiny, windowless room, which opened from the kitchen, was mostly filled with shelves. It wasn't even big enough for two people, let alone a human and an alicorn. Celestia just poked her head in, while Rawsthorne gave her a quick tour of the shelves and the refrigerator. Understandably, he had mostly non-perishables. Most of his produce was in cans and jars, although the man assured her that he often visited a market on his way from work.

He mostly cooked light dinners for himself or ordered delivery if he was particularly busy. He was rarely home for lunch and never ate breakfast before he went to work. That last horrified the pony and she was glad cooking meals would become her responsibility. Two meals a day was no way to live, even for a human.

She was to jot down whatever ingredients she needed in a notepad and Rawsthorne would be sure to pick it up. For the present evening, the mare glanced over the meagre stock and tried to come up with something half-decent.

"I know it's a bit empty," the human admitted, "if you can't make anything from this stuff we'll order something for today."

"No, no, I have a few ideas!"

She wanted to impress. She smelled, more than saw, a few cloves of garlic. It was on the point of sprouting, but still good. She pulled it out with her magic and then glanced over the shelves. A couple onions floated up as well. She added a pack of what looked like flour. And from the refrigerator, she grabbed a box which contained sour cream, as she read from the label. There were also some cans in there. One of them sported an image of green peas and the pony picked that up as well. She didn't see any spices, not even pepper and salt, so Celestia guessed those were elsewhere. She hoped his spice rack was reasonably stocked, at least.

"How would you feel about split pea and onion soup and some homemade garlic bread? I shouldn't take more than an hour." She remembered a vital detail. "Oh, that is - if you have any yeast." Her voice was doubtful. It didn't look as if Rawsthorne baked a lot of bread. But he opened a tin box on a shelf and pulled out a small packet.

"Dry yeast okay?" he asked and showed her.

"I'm not familiar with that sort."

"You just mix it with a bit of warm water and sugar and then it's like regular yeast," the man explained.

She was a bit doubtful, but willing to try. "Sure, that sounds okay. Now if you can just show me how to operate your stove and oven?" She remembered the smooth, shiny black surface. Rawsthorne turned to leave the room and she backed out of the entrance, her foodstuffs floating above their heads.

"Not a problem," he said and led her the few steps to the appliances. It turned out that she couldn't use the black surface. Rawsthorne said the buttons were of the 'touch' sort, and apparently that meant only human fingers worked on them. Hooves did not. At his advice, she tried to poke at them with her nose, however silly it looked. But the little symbols were too small for her to hit reliably.

They were at a loss until Rawsthorne remembered something and went to fetch it. He returned with a small, black stick. On one side it ended in a metal tip, but the other was rounded and soft to the touch.

Amazingly, the rubber part worked on the 'touch buttons'. Celestia listened closely to Gregory's explanation on how to use the contraption. It wasn't difficult, once she had poked at it for a bit. The oven was used in the same fashion and also quite simple. She would have preferred to work with actual fire - the woodsmoke added a certain flavour - but she could use the things just fine with her little stick. She made a mental note never to lose it.

After he had shown her the impoverished spice rack, Celestia smiled and gently prodded the human out of the kitchen with her muzzle and wings. "I have everything in hoof, Rawsthorne. Dinner will be served in an hour."

He didn't resist, but the human had obviously intended to watch her. The Princess knew that she had to set these boundaries early on. She would not gain his trust if he felt he had to constantly supervise her. Confident, efficient and polite, those were the key words. Plus, she would wow him with her cooking.

Despite the strange devices around her and despite her short battle with the can, the pony felt happy enough to hum a little tune as she worked. This 'servitude' business would be a piece of cake! So very relaxing!

The meal went over well. It was rather simple, but her new owner seemed to enjoy himself well enough. Celestia could barely eat herself as she watched the human nervously.

Finally, the verdict was in: "It's not bad. Quite good, in fact. Thank you, Celestia."

It was less praise than she had anticipated, but the pony accepted it graciously with a nod of her head. Regrettably there was no dessert, a point she brought up once the human had finished eating.

"I would have done even better, Master Rawsthorne, but your pantry is regrettably understocked. I could do so much more with only a few extra ingredients."

The human raised a finger. "Not 'Master', remember? Just 'Rawsthorne' will do or 'Greg' is fine. Write down what you need most urgently and I'll fetch it tomorrow when I return from work. I suppose I can also take you down to the markets on Saturday, if you wish."

It sounded like fun and she was instantly looking forward to it. "I would appreciate that, Gregory. Now, if you could just give me a quill and some ink, I will prepare a few suggestions for tomorrow's dinner."

The man laughed. "Quill? What century did you come from? The touchscreen stylus has a pen on the end."

It was almost an insult, but the mare quickly rallied. She concentrated and her horn glowed. The human stared as the little stick floated over from the kitchen. Celestia sternly resisted the urge to smirk. She was good, but it would not do to gloat. She placed it on the table before her and inspected it again.

The metal bit? That is a pen? Where is the ink?"

Rawsthorne got up and went to rummage in a drawer. He came back with a small yellow block made of paper, and slid it toward her. "The ink is contained in the pen. Try it."

She experimentally scratched the gleaming tip on the yellow pad. It left a crisp, clean line. She hadn't doubted the human, of course, but seeing it was like some kind of strange new magic. As if to convince herself it really worked, the pony did it a few more times, until the paper was full of lines, loops and squiggles. She almost opened her mouth to ask, but then she noticed that the block was formed by many pieces of paper stuck together. She removed the top one and there was a fresh page underneath. Almost like a little booklet!

"This will do perfectly. Thank you, Gregory!" She left the paper and pen on the dining table and picked up the dishes. She was about to take them out, but paused at the door with the crockery and utensils floating around her. "Could you also get me a book on human cooking, so I may learn to prepare more appropriate meals?"

The human didn't even have to think. "Oh, there should be some in the library. We'll check tomorrow. For now, put the dishes in the sink and I will show you to your bedroom. You can wash up tomorrow when I'm at work."

"Very good, sir."

She made a quick visit to the kitchen to do as he said, then came back. The dining room was empty, but Celestia could hear the human walking around. She picked up her magic pen-button-stick and the notepad. She would need to come up with a better name for it. The human had called it 'stylus', so she opted to use that. Rawsthorne was found on the first floor in the hallway. He heard her hooves on the hardwood but didn't look back. "Here, it was meant as a guest room, so I think it will do nicely. Do you sleep in a bed, or should we arrange something else? Like a haystack?"

As if she was some kind of animal! The mare repressed her tiny flare of annoyance and walked into the room. "I have slept in a bed every night of my life, Rawsthorne. I'm not a beast, you know?"

He raised his hands up. "Yes, of course! Sorry."

Celestia went and sat on the bed. It wasn't as soft as her mattress in the Canterlot Palace, but it would do nicely. She didn't mind 'roughing it' for her vacation.

"You may use the wardrobe and the dressers, although I saw that you don't have any luggage. Are there things you will need? Clothes? Brushes? Uh... bridles?"

She stared at him pointedly for a moment. Then she got to her hooves and went to peer into his eyes from right up close. The man was a little nervous with her as tall as she was. Good. "Mr. Rawsthorne. I think it would benefit our relationship if you immediately removed from your thoughts any ideas that I am anything like your Earth horses. I would be most grateful if you thought of me as a person, instead. I will sleep in a bed, I will brush my teeth, I will take showers and I will sit at the table for meals. It would be much easier if you thought of me as a four-legged human, rather than a pony."

It worked. The human spread his arms. "Yes, yes. Of course, you're right. Sorry! I merely had some incorrect preconceptions because of your shape."

Mightily pleased with the progress, the mare went back to her bed. "Excellent. Which reminds me: I will need a toothbrush and some supplies. Mr. Plain told me that most owners prefer to provide these things for their ponies themselves, so I did not pack anything. It can wait until Saturday - I will do the essentials with my magic until then."

She was becoming aware of an uncomfortable pressure. "Oh, and if you could show me to the bathroom?"

The human led her a few doors down the hall and pushed it open. It was nicely roomy and looked quite clean. Celestia guessed that whoever Rawsthorne hired to clean his house had been there that very day. All the required furnishings seemed to be in place, so the mare turned to face the human and smiled pleasantly.

"I will get myself ready for bed and retire for the day. Is there anything else you require?"

He shook his head. "Not today, thank you. We'll talk about your other duties in the morning."

"Very good, sir."

It was a good line. She saw why her own staff kept using it all the time. It could mean practically anything and was useful in any circumstance. She waited for the man to start walking away, then closed the door and went about her evening ablutions. She opted to skip showering, so it didn't take too long. Cleaning her teeth with magic was a snap, though she preferred the brush. Her mane was on the verge of being acceptable and her tail probably wasn't. She decided she would wash both the next day, while Rawsthorne was at work.

Then it was time for bed. She removed her vest - a simpler version of her ceremonial garb. And kicked off the plain metal hoofguards. Mr. Plain had advised against bringing gold and silver to Earth and she had agreed. Out of habit the Princess tried to lift up her coronet, but it was not there. Another sacrifice of necessity. She spread the cloth over a chair and pushed the four metal pieces under it, out of the way. Then she climbed between the covers.

With all the strangeness and excitement, the mare didn't think she would ever fall asleep. She was right. The bed, although more comfortable than what Mr. Plain had provided at the auction, didn't seem to want to accept her. After turning around for the twelfth time, the mare sat up with an exasperated sigh. She considered beating the mattress with her magic until it became softer, but decided against it.

With a heartfelt, sorrowful sigh, Celestia got up, walked over to the window and looked outside. She could see the shadow of the mountain, stretching up and away. To the right was the road, with a lone car driving down it. The pony wondered who was out this late. She could see the general shapes of trees, if not the detail. Based on the light and shadows, Celestia estimated that the moon - Earth's moon - was somewhere behind her.

The though evoked memories of her sibling and the Princess wondered how Luna was doing. Was she, perhaps, staring up at the night sky from the castle balcony? Was she, too, missing her sister? Now that she was at her destination and the bustle and excitement was largely behind her, Celestia felt homesick. She considered slipping out through the window and going home. This world was huge and complex. The stove and oven, with their touch-buttons. The TV. Even these cars were far beyond her understanding. Was she too old for all this bewilderment?

On the other hoof, Celestia knew herself too well. She had expected doubts to come, especially during her first few nights here. She firmly squashed them. There was fun to be had! Despite her self-assurance, the mare still wiped away a tiny tear and pressed her hoof against the glass.

"Be safe, Sister. I will see you again."

The short ritual made her feel a lot better, but now Celestia was fully awake. She knew, on a deep, subconscious level, that she wouldn't sleep that night. She briefly considered waking up Rawsthorne. But then she thought: what could the human do? The man had work in the morning, whereas she was on vacation. Let him sleep. Instead, the pony cast a simple spell to muffle her hoofsteps. She glanced at the metal guards, but decided against them. Somehow, going about the place 'bare-hoofed', as it were, seemed naughty. And fun!

The sheer outrage made her smile. Other than in her own room and her bed, the Princess never went unshod, even in her own castle. Now, just thinking about it thrilled her. In fact, Celestia decided, she would not wear the things at all on Earth! And she would also forgo the vest! After all, she had wanted to be just another slave, no?

She had to work hard to suppress a giggle as the mare slipped out of her room. Her magic-enhanced hooves made no sound, even on wood. She crept up to Rawsthorne's room and gently opened the door to look inside. It was much like hers, except with more wardrobes and drawers. That was right, Celestia remembered, humans wore a lot of clothing. She wondered what they looked like naked, but decided against lifting Rawsthorne's cover to check. Instead, she carefully closed the door and crept away.

The house was dark, but she could see well enough in reflected moonlight. She poked her snout back into the kitchen and dining room, just to make sure she remembered where they were. She also found another bathroom on the ground floor, before she lost interest in exploring the inside.

The front door was locked, but it didn't take Celestia more than a minute to work out how to turn the various locks along the side. She let herself out, walked to the middle of the lawn and looked back. The house was just as ugly at night, so she quickly turned away.

The mountainside and the road were much more interesting. She went to inspect the smooth, black surface. There hadn't been time before. It wasn't as hard as she expected - the material seemed to yield a tiny bit under her hoof. She stomped it experimentally and heard the faint clop, even through her silencing spell.

There were lines on the sides and down the middle. The pony quickly figured them out. They helped the humans to drive on their side and avoid running into opposite traffic. It seemed like a useful idea and Celestia filed it away for later. Perhaps it could improve traffic congestion in some parts of Canterlot!

She heard a car in the distance. It was approaching and the pony quickly stepped off the black surface. She waited by the side of the road to try and see the humans in the vehicle.

It was deceptively fast! The foliage around the road muffled the sound until it was suddenly right before her. The thing sped around the curve and blinded her with strong lights. As she reflexively looked away, she heard the squeal of tires and the car slid to a stop not far from her.

She could see nothing through the glare of the lamps, but suddenly the pony was scared. She turned and fled back to the house. Just in time, too! She heard the car door open and a voice say something, but the mare jumped inside and pushed the door shut. She listened intently, fearing the human would come investigate. It would not do to wake up Rawsthorne! The mare was trembling in fright until the car door slammed shut and the vehicle pulled away. Only then did Celestia breathe a sigh of relief.

A fit of giggling threatened to overpower her and the mare did her best to muffle her mouth in the crook of her foreleg. Oh, how she wished she could have seen the look on that human's face! An unexpected alicorn at the side of the road. The thought made her chuckle some more.

It subsided slowly and she made her way back to her room. Enough adventure for her first day, Celestia decided. She still couldn't sleep, so she just pushed a chair to the window, sat and stared out at the landscape.